• Kate Gossselin will be going after Jon Gosselin for "raiding" their joint bank account.

Apparently there's a court order prohibiting Jon or Kate from withdrawing any money from the account without he consent of both parties; yet Jon's taken $200,00 out. [TMZ]

• Kate Gosselin's lawyer says: "If the money is not immediately returned, we will be looking into potential claims against [Jon's lawyer] if he had any involvement with the violation of the court order… It is very disappointing that Jon Gosselin has escalated this to such an ugly place." [Radar Online, TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin's attorney, Mark Heller, was once suspended from practicing law for five years due to "professional misconduct." This was between 1994 and 1999. [Radar Online]
• BREAKING: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt took Knox and Vivi out in public! They visited a gelato store in Amman, Jordan! Pix at the link! ZOMG TWINZZZ. [Daily Mail]
• Even before David Letterman became involved with staffer Stephanie Birkitt, he had a "secret affair" with intern Holly Hester in the '90s, and his relationship with personal assistant Laurie Diamond is described as "particularly flirtatious." In addition, a source says: "Dave has a great track record of promoting women on the show — three of the five executive producers are women, and all of them have been with him for more than 20 years." [NY Post]
• Simon Cowell's 50th birthday party at sprawling estate Wrotham Park featured a huge image of Simon's smirking face, projected on an outside wall of the mansion; waiters wearing masks of Simon's face; a performance by Earth, Wind and Fire; and burlesque dancers, who whipped Ryan Seacrest. [NY Post]
• Miley Cyrus had to cancel a concert over the weekend because she is still battling strep throat. [UPI]
• Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem: Engaged. Supposedly. [Rush & Molloy]
• Elton John and David Furnish are still hoping to adopt. They'll have to put the Ukrainian toddler Elton fell in love with out of their minds, however: Furnish says, "When we found out he had a maternal grandmother, and brother and sister, we realized it wouldn't be the right thing to take him away from the family he had there. We would love to adopt Lev, but that does not seem possible under Ukrainian rules." [Daily Express]
• The mother of the toddler Elton John wanted to adopt says she will not give her kid up; the boy is in a children's home because she's an alcoholic and he was taken by social workers. [The Sun]
• "Switzerland would have arrested film director Roman Polanski on earlier visits to the country if justice authorities had been aware of his presence, a Swiss minister said in an interview published on Sunday." [Reuters]
• Precious got a standing ovation at the New York Film Festival over the weekend; Roger Friedman writes: "Expect Oscar nominations for Best Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay, Actress (Gabby Sidibe), and one or more Supporting Actresses (Mariah, Mo'Nique)." [Showbiz 411]
• The problem with Precious? Mo'nique did not show up for the NYFF, just as she "ditched" her promotional duties during the Toronto Film Festival. [Gatecrasher]
• John Travolta testified that his son was autistic, which is in conflict with Scientology's "unofficial position" on the condition. But, this report claims, Travolta remains "firmly committed" to the Church. [TMZ]
• A DNA test has confirmed that Jude Law is indeed the father of Samantha Burke's baby. This paper calls Jude and Samantha's relationship "a brief love affair," but weren't you under the impression it was a one night stand? [Daily Express]
• Jenna Fischer's on the cover of Shape doing the classic Shape pose: Standing in water in a bikini. [JustJared]
• Chris Noth: Engaged. [People]
• A Facebook campaign has helped get an indie film starring Harry Potter redhead Rupert Grint get a distribution deal in Britain. Grint plays a Northern Irish teenager who takes drugs… and is featured in intimate bedroom scenes. In other words: Not Ron Weasely. [Gatecrasher]
• At the link, the Seinfeld cast spills about the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Jason Alexander, aka George Costanza, says: "It was so bizarre, I can't even describe it. It negated the idea that time had passed at all, and I was actually grateful that some of the elements of the apartment set were different, [so] it wasn't a complete mindfuck." [EW's Hollywood Insider]
• At a party in LA, Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane put the moves on Dianna Agron, aka Quinn Fabray from Glee. She wasn't interested. [Gatecrasher]
• Shia LaBeouf blatantly checks out hot chicks even when his girlfriend, Carey Mulligan, is right next to him. [Gatecrasher]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes Leon wants to be an actress when she grows up. Do you think she's seen Swept Away ? [Daily Mail]
• Russell Crowe is in Robin Hood and is taking the character to heart: He got filmmakers to gift a £60,000 prop — a battering ram — to extras on his film, who are in a battle re-enactment group. [Daily Express]
• Beer and doughnut loving Homer Simpson in an anti-obesity campaign sponsored by the Department of Health?!?! [Mirror]
• "Housewife Kandi Burruss Devastated By Fiancé's Death."[People]
• In this piece, Vince Vaughn plays shrink and diagnoses the four couples from Couples Retreat, which he co-wrote and produced. [USA Today]
• On Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking: "hilariously perceptive journey" "chock-full of funny, fascinating tales." [AP]
• "Drinking is a perfectly pleasant trifle - nothing that requires or inspires great emotional commitment, but fine for a one-night stand." [USA Today]
• James Blunt has been dumped. [Daily Express]
• Candy Spelling had neck surgery and is currently in a full-body cast. [TMZ]
• As mentioned last week, Quentin Tarantino has confirmed that he will be making a third Kill Bill movie. [Variety]
• Q: I heard a rumor that you run on a treadmill in heels and sing. A: "[Laughs] No, I don't run on a treadmill in heels. That's a bit extreme. But I do practice my choreography in heels. And I have a rule that when I have my heels on, everyone has to have their heels on too. Sometimes the dancers are like, 'Oh, God, we hope Beyonce comes in late,' because I'll go all day. And in the end, I'll have blisters and my toes will have bruises. It's really hard sometimes. I still do all the boring things that everyone else does in regular workouts like squats and the treadmill. But I mainly get in shape from doing the choreography during those long 12-hour rehearsals for two months before a tour." — Beyoncé. [Reuters]
• "I'd like to get involved in videogames since I really love Wii Fit. I think it would be a great idea to incorporate choreography because for me my workout is way more fun when it involves dancing as opposed to running on a boring treadmill. So I would love to do some kind of fitness game but incorporate dance and performance into it. I think a lot of women would enjoy that." — Beyoncé. [Reuters]
• "When he walked on the stage I was like no, no, no! I knew his intentions and I knew he was standing up for art… [In the end] Taylor Swift had her moment and I didn't have to give an acceptance speech!" Beyoncé on the Kanye/VMA incident. [Mirror]
• "We mutually decided to cancel the tour. He's going to take some time off, but I'm not. Kanye and I talked about it. We talked about it a lot, as well as with Live Nation…" — Lady Gaga, who has just announced a solo tour now that the "Fame Kills" tour with Kanye West has been canceled. [Variety]
• "We're calling it a ‘vacation.' He's going away to get things sorted out." — a "source" on Kanye West possibly going to rehab. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I went to the doctor and had an AIDS test and he told me it was positive. That was one of the worst days of my life." — Ozzy Osbourne, who did another HIV test, which came back negative. [Telegraph]
• "For the first time in my life I'm legal to drive — so watch out." — Ozzy Osbourne, who passed his driving test after the 19th attempt. [The Sun]
• "It was the most physical pain I've ever experienced. There was crying. But then you'd feel so good about falling and then getting back up and doing it again… I've never been to an overnight camp, but it felt like what I imagine that to be. Drew was just one of the girls. We'd skate and then go to the break room and talk about boys. She makes everyone feel like the most important person in the room." — Ari Graynor, aka Eva Destruction, on making Whip It. [NY Mag]
• "I know you're supposed to tell kids not to do drugs, but, kids, do it! Do weed! Don't do the other stuff, but weed is good… What you want to do is what I did, build a movie empire and, at age 38, smoke it all away." — Kevin Smith. [Page Six]
• "It is kind of disturbing, but so is putting yourself out there as far as relationships or friendships goes. It is scary and sometimes you are taking a risk. If you aren't prepared to do that you're going to have very safe options in your life, but they won't be the most exciting ones." — Anna Paquin, on vampire/human relationships in True Blood. [Telegraph]

Confession: In college, after reading her first two autobiographical novels, (Postcards from the Edge and Surrender the Pink) I wrote letters to Carrie Fisher. Lots of letters. Daily letters, about my angst, my constantly ongoing breakup, and the challenges of being the only smart person in the world besides her. They were trash and I never mailed them (or intended to), but time has proven to me that my crazy, self-absorbed 18-year-old self was onto at least one thing: Carrie Fisher is a genuine role model.

Carrie is currently making the publicity rounds to promote her new one-woman show on Broadway, Wishful Drinking, based on the same material as her recent book of the same name. Any loyal Carrie Fisher follower (correction: any loyal CF follower for reasons that have nothing to do with Star Wars) will recognize old familiar Carrie catchphrases popping up in interview after interview, like her description of her two moods as a person with bi-polar disorder: they're named Roy and Pam :

"Rollicking Roy and Sediment Pam... One mood is the meal, and the next mood is the check."

And the phrase that has become her motto:

"If my life wasn't crazy it would just be true."

In her book, and in interviews, Carrie talks about growing up in Hollywood with America's Sweetheart, Debbie Reynolds, for a mom, Eddie Fisher for a (mostly absent) dad, and Elizabeth Taylor for a (brief) stepmother. She's open about her past drug abuse, her stints in mental hospitals, her ongoing electro-shock therapy, and her powerful Hollywood agent ex-husband, with whom she had a daughter before he left her for a man. (And really, that's just the start!) None of these problems are even slightly recognizable to the average person, and yet Carrie's ability to survive it all with her wits about her, and her view of life as a dark comedy, not a tragedy, are lessons we can all learn. I'd take Carrie's journey of enlightenment as a bible over Eat Pray Love any day — now here's a broad who's survived some real problems.

In the best interview with Carrie so far on her Wishful Drinking press tour, New York Magazine got some great quotes:

On mean websites (the one to which she's referring filled me with such fan-outrage that I've silently "boycotted" it to this day):

"You know how they say you're your own worst enemy? Well, you're not. Read what they say about you on the Internet if you look fat. I don't give a shit, by the way, but they say I look like Yoda."

On fame:

"When I was just becoming conscious-around 13-is when my parents' careers began to fade," she tells me. "And I saw what it did to them. Celebrity is just obscurity biding its time."

Interviewer Amy Larocca makes a keen observation about Carrie Fisher's TMI versus that of other celebrities, mentioning that "her musings operate on a higher plane than Courtney Love's tweets or Kanye West's blog posts."

Reading Carrie's book, or reading her (scatterbrained, but sharp) personal blog, you realize what she's doing isn't TMI. She's simply owning the parts of her life that are public knowledge anyway, with grace and self-deprecation and an intelligence rarely found in celebrity writing. (Because if they were writers, they probably wouldn't be celebrities.) We're used to the train wrecks (the aforementioned Courtney Love) and the un-self aware megalomaniacs (the aforementioned Kanye, Rosie O'Donnell), but watching Carrie is, if not like watching a train wreck in reverse, at least like watching a train wreck with funny stories to tell and lessons to share. (RIP, that metaphor.) And what makes me admire her the most is the fact that her public persona, as open and vulnerable as it seems, isn't the whole story at all. Like any smart person who puts any part of his or herself out there for public consumption, she's playing an character - giving us just enough to feel like we know her, but not enough to diminish her self-respect:

"If you feel there's some part of me you're not getting, then that means that something's sacred."

The Mentalist [New York Magazine]
Carrie Fisher [Official Site]

Earlier: New Carrie Fisher Memoir: Mom Got Me A Vibrator For Xmas

Fisher, the daughter of actress Debbie Reynolds and crooner Eddie Fisher, doesn't leave out any naughty details: her father's terrible facelift, her mother's bizarre, oft-repeated suggestion that Carrie make a baby with her stepfather, her drug addiction, her bipolar disorder — they all get exposed with equal measures of humor and charm. But my favorite anecdote is about her mom's boyfriend in the 70s, Bob Fallon, who inspired Debbie Reynolds to make a "stocking stuffer" into something completely obscene.

When I was about Fifteen, my mother had started dating a man named Bob Fallon, and my brother and I called him Bob Phallus, because he came equipped with exotic creams and sex toys. You know, aphrodisiacs. Well, actually, Anglo-disiacs, because we're white. Anyway, thanks to Bob, that Christmas my mother bought both my grandmother and myself vibrators! As unusual as a gift like this sounds, you have to admit that they are ideal stocking stuffers. I mean, you can fit the vibrator into the long top part of the stocking and still be able to get another cute little gift in the toe! Well, I have to admit, I enjoyed mine, but my grandmother refused to use hers. She was concerned that it would short-circuit her pacemaker. She said that she had gone this long without an orgasm; she might as well go the whole way. (And that pacemaker, by the way, was later recalled).

Also of interest for Paul Simon enthusiasts: there's a lot of bittersweet stuff about Fisher's on-again, off-again relationship with Simon, including which of his lyrics were about her. Turns out that some of my favorite lyrics ever were inspired by Carrie, including this gem from "Graceland": "She's come back to tell me she's gone/ As if I didn't know that/ As if I didn't know my own bed/ As if I didn't notice the way she brushed her hair from her forehead." And if that doesn't interest you, there's also a lot of dirt about George Lucas and the fact that he asked her to lose ten pounds for Star Wars.

Wishful Drinking [Amazon]