• Madonna and Jesus have broken up, if you believe that she Twitters, which this paper does. Meanwhile, she's allegedly on her way to Malawi to adopt another kid. [Daily Mail]

• According to the papers, her Madgesty is 2 days away from adopting a second child from Malawi. That seems… speedy. [The Sun, Mirror]
• Lindsay Lohan's latest flick, Labor Pains, will never hit theaters: It's going to premiere on ABC Family, then go to DVD. This is the flick in which LL plays a woman who fakes being pregnant to keep from being fired. Hilarious? [Access Hollywood]
• Rihanna was seen "smiling and flirting" with a group of guys — including Brody Jenner — at Nobu in New York on Wednesday. She also has a blond, female security guard, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Last night, Rihanna was seen dancing at a Hollywood night club. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's latest Facebook status reads "If you love him, let him go." [The Sun]
• Warning: Celebrities have Twitter ghostwriters. Where do we apply? [NY Times]
• Wow, Shawn Johnson is making quite a bit of cash to appear on Dancing WIth The Stars — if she goes all the way she could take home over $350,000. [E!]
• Speaking of DWTS, Holly Madison has been experiencing pain in her rib area. Bad enough that she's on meds. This show is dangerous! [E!]
• Kate Middleton, Prince William's girlfriend, has a pal named Emma Sayle. Apparently Emma runs sex parties called Killing Kittens, for single women and couples. Racy! [The Sun]
• Courtney Love versus a designer on Etsy: Guess who called someone a "vile horrible lying bitch"? Hint: The rock star. [E!]
• The designer also claims Courtney Love called her an "asswipe nasty lying hosebag thief." [TMZ]
• Jennifer Hudson has set a date for her wedding, but it's a secret. [Mirror]
• Queen Latifah has been cast in a romcom described as modern day Cinderella story; she'll play a physical therapist who falls in love with a basketball player while helping him recover from a career-threatening injury. [Variety]
• What the world needs now: A Ben Hur mini-series. [Variety]
• Rapper T.I. will be sentenced today for weapons possession; he will probably get a year. He's already done 1,000 hours of community service. [CNN]
• Donna Martin, aka Tori Spelling, returns to 90210 on Tuesday. Plus: Diablo Cody drops by. Stuntcasting means someone really really wants you to watch. [E!]
• Seriously, what is Courteney Cox's Cougar Town show really about? Every shot we ever see is CC in a robe. [Socialite Life]
• Something stinks: NBC is yanking cooking competition show Chopping Block off the air and replacing it with repeats of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. [Yahoo via Reuters]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch wants to get out of jail. [Yahoo via AP]
• So you know that shaggy coat Pixie Geldof wore? She had a matching dress underneath. [Daily Mail]
• A witness claims to have seen two dudes get off of rapper Flo Rida's tour bus, kill a rabbit, and then get back on. Now Flo Rida is being questioned by police. [Socialite Life]
• Former Eight is Enough and Charles in Charge star Willie Aames is broke and having a big garage sale in suburban Kansas City; he filed for bankruptcy last year and his home is in foreclosure. I want Charles in charge of me? [Yahoo via AP]
• Eddie Cibrian, recently accused of cheating on his wife with LeAnn Rimes, was photographed holding hands with his wife at Miami airport yesterday. Damage control? [TMZ]
• Got $150 million? You can buy the late Aaron Spelling's mansion: 56,500 square feet of space on more than 4.6 acres. There's a bowling alley, wine cellar, wine tasting room, gift-wrapping room, a humidity-controlled silver storage room, China room, library, gym, and, of course, screening room. [Yahoo via AP]
• Green Day is back, with an eight studio album out May 15th. [EW]
• Blind item! Which A-list hunk got elbowed in the face by a girl after demanding she get him a bag of blow? The damsel clocked him after he called her a few (unprintable) names. [Gatecrasher]
• I like any job where you can just shut yourself away from everybody." — Robert Pattinson. [Mirror]
• We schedule it out. We force ourselves to do it. There's always an excuse for a couple not to take time for themselves, but it's really short sighted. The first thing you'd better do is make a date as soon as that baby comes. You'd better make a date and take your wife out within a month - whether you want to, or not - and you can't talk about the kid. And you'd better have a romantic weekend within two months because it tears couples apart, these babies do. Felicity and I have been really good about finding time. We'll go away for two days - for one day, even - and we try to do it four, five, six times a year." — William H. Macy, on keeping a marriage alive when you have kids. [Mirror]
• She has the partying part down right. But I don't think she's got the focus. I mean, it requires a lot of focus and a lot of people think they can do it, but they really find that it's a lot harder. Ask anyone - it's a lot harder than it looks. I guess that's why they call us supermodels - we make it look easy. But it's not as easy as it looks, so I wish her all the best." — Tyson Beckford on Lindsay Lohan. [Perez]
• "Because I got high, I forgot to pay. It was stupid. I'm an idiot for that." — Method Man, on owing back taxes. [Gatecrasher]
• "I think the last thing I should be doing right now is planning a wedding. I'd become one of those cracked-out housewives with a vacuum cleaner, hopped up on Dexedrine." — Kelly Osbourne, who just left rehab for her painkiller addiction. [Mirror]

Huffman said, "You know, Bill used to baby sit Jeremy Piven… Some would say he's still babysitting Jeremy Piven." Then she and Letterman joked about the cause of Piven's poisoning, with Letterman saying, "It was too many tuna fish sandwiches, I think." Clip at left.

• Meryl Streep was giddy after winning her SAG award, so Alec Baldwin asked her if she'd be on 30 Rock. She said yes! [Gatecrasher]

• Lindsay Lohan is eating, says Lindsay Lohan's publicist. [Page Six]
• When you think of The Hills, do you think of birth control? Lo Bosworth is now the face of Yaz in Canada, doing interviews about how the drug can reduce headaches and cramps during your period. [PR Week]
• Fervidus! Daniel Radcliffe has invited Sasha and Malia Obama for a tour of the Harry Potter set! [Daily Mail]
• Madonna is in Palm Beach, Florida for the Winter Equestrian Festival. She was mostly unrecognized as she watched professional show-jumpers for two hours wearing dark glasses and a baseball cap with, uh, Madonna on it. [Page 2 Live]
• BTW: Madonna and A-Rod are back on. [Page Six]
• David Beckham is being sued by a photographer who was "roughed up" by one of the soccer star's bodyguards last month. Apparently the snapper's camera was thrown in a trash can and the bodyguards punched him. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Uh-oh: Tension in the marriage as David Beckham wants to move to Italy and Victoria is reluctant to uproot the kids. [Daily Mail]
• Brad Pitt says he won't look as good as Benjamin Button when he gets older: "I doubt gravity and time will be that kind." [Mirror]
• In this video, John Mayer inspires John Mayer. He also references The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, which Jennifer Aniston should love. [The Superficial]
• Heath Ledger has joined Elvis Presley and Paul Newman on a list of celebrities who have earned as much as or more after death as they did when alive. His estate earned $30.1 million last year. [News.com.au]
• The Times of London has advice for Kate Winslet, should she win an Oscar. She ought to say "Blimey!" a lot, make some jabs at other actresses, allow a tear to roll down her cheek and also: "Gather. Gather." [Times of London]
• Food fight! Mario Batali has banned Gordon Ramsay from his restaurants. "He goes about town calling me Fanta Pants," Batali fumed. [Page Six]
• George Clooney and his dad, veteran journalist Nick Clooney, were quippy before a screening of the 2005 film Good Night And Good Luck in D.C. Nick said: "Never cared for this kid! His sister's great." George shot back: "I always wanted to be adopted, couldn't find anyone." [AP,People]
• Kevin Federline will not, repeat, not be on Dancing With The Stars. Even though he used to be a backup dancer. You may now return to your regularly scheduled ennui. [People]
• Donnie Osmond might be on Dancing With The Stars. Yawn. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Now that Jeremy Piven has been replaced by William H. Macy in Speed-The-Plow on Broadway, the New York Times' Ben Brantley actually enjoys it. [NY Times]
• Will Jennifer Lopez head to Broadway? She'd have to be able to sing, right? [Page Six]
• Girl crush Penelope Cruz: Moving to New York! "After a number of years in Los Angeles, I no longer want to live here, It will be better if I share my time between New York and Madrid, where my family is," she says. Woody Allen may have influenced this choice. [AP]
• Also moving: Robbie Williams, from L.A. back to the UK. [Daily Mail]
• Mischa Barton is dating another musician: After Cisco Adler and Rooney's Taylor Locke, she's now with Luke Pritchard from The Kooks. [Daily Mail]
• Price slash! Dylan McDermott's house is now $2 million less. Could be yours, for $9 mil. [TMZ]
• Oh dear: Lost's Josh Holloway, aka Sawyer, isn't totally comfortable with you gawking at his shirtless body: "The whole sex-symbol thing is really strange. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I appreciate the opportunity to work, the cash it gives you, and other things it provides are wonderful. But the celebrity thing... I don't like attention. Like anybody, it's impossible not to feel self-conscious if someone's looking at you all the time, everywhere you go." [MSNBC]
• This won't surprise you: Governor Rod Blagojevich wouldn't let the stylists at The View touch his hair before he went on the air. [MSNBC Scoop]
• The British papers can't stop making fun of Chelsy Davy's fake tan. She does look rather… orange. [Daily Mail]
• Teri Hatcher voices the mother in stop-animation flick Coraline; she says: "As a mom, [a kid-friendly film] is sort of a goal you want to check off your list." [WWD]
• ABC has six nominations for the GLAAD awards, with Brothers & Sisters, Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives among the contenders. Films nominated include Milk, Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. [AP]
• Fabolous and his entourage drank oodles of champagne at a tapas bar in Atlanta, but all of the rapper's credit cards were declined. Maybe they take bling? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which aging rock star attempted to have a rhinoplasty — but was deemed an unsuitable candidate because he’s still frequently using Colombia’s finest?" [Gatecrasher]
• A PETA ad got pulled from the Super Bowl for being too sexual. [Page Six]
• Director and transcendental meditation enthusiast David Lynch is plotting a "global benefit concert" to raise funds to teach meditative techniques to schoolkids. Involved: Paul McCartney, Moby, Sheryl Crow, Eddie Vedder and Donovan. Lynch says: "Every child should have one class period a day to dive within himself and experience the field of silence-bliss - the enormous reservoir of energy and intelligence that is deep within all of us." [Guardian]
• In an interview with the awesome Stockard Channing, about her role in Pal Joey on Broadway, she talks about singing famous tune "Betwitched, Bothered and Bewildered": "Once I got over my fear of it — because Frank Sinatra, Mel Torme, you name it, had sung this song — when it became just a dramatic moment, I could feel it, and I really love it because it is a little soliloquy." [Playbill]
• UK chat show host Eamonn Holmes has ripped American celebs: "Rihanna, for example, is a beautiful girl, but if she was your daughter, you’d give her a slap and tell her to wise up." And! "Apparently, you just can’t talk to [Solange] about being Beyoncé’s sister and knowing Beyoncé I thought ‘So why are you here, love?’" [Daily Mail]
• Hilary Swank and Minnie Driver will star in Betty Anne Waters, a legal drama in which Swank plays an unemployed single mother whose brother is convicted of murder-robbery. Waters spends 10 years working on law degrees and working on her brother's case; Driver plays her law school friend. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Best wishes to Mariska Hargitay, who's back at work, two weeks after suffering a partially collapsed lung. [ET via People]
• Kanye West says it hurts when 50 Cent talks shit about him: "For me as a fan of him, I felt like if he said something negative and tried to make it like I’m negative, it’s almost like if a little kid walks up to you at the airport and is like, 'Man, I love you so much,' and then you spit on him. It’s like, 'I don’t know if I love you as much as I used to,' as you wipe the spit off your face, but you still play their music." [MSNBC]
• Actress Emma Roberts is 17, well-read and full of hope. She likes David Sedaris and Chuck Palahniuk and says: "I'd love to have a really nice boyfriend. I would love to have been to Paris. I've never been. I'd love to have my own photography coffee-table book. And I'd love to get my license. It's been a catastrophe. I got my permit the first try and went to get my license and failed. Then my permit expired. I just got my permit again a couple of weeks ago, so hopefully I'll get my license soon." [USA Today]
• Remember Christopher Atkins from The Blue Lagoon? He says he was almost cast as the lead in Footloose. Everything could have been different. [UPI]
• A jury will tour Phil Spector's mansion as part of the final phases of Spector's second murder trial. [AP]
• "Gwyneth has got something like 800 people that have joined. I hope I can get a membership!" — Blythe Danner on her daughter's new gym. [Gatecrasher]

• Emily Blunt and John Krasinski: totally sitting in a tree, kissing and whatevs. Perez suggests "Bluntinski" as their celeb couple nickname, but we feel we can do better! How about Krunt? Or EmJo? [Perez]

• Jim Carrey wanted to clear up the comments he made the other day on Larry King about Prozac's lack of long-term efficacy. "There are a lot of different ways to skin a cat," Carrey tells People, "It's important to think on our own…There is drug company money that goes into the educational system. I'm saying you have to look outside that, and consider the other possibilities for people." Thanks Jim. There's no possible way I could think for myself unless a celebrity told me how to. [People]
• Hugh Jackman says that Hollywood was not fun for his wife Deb, especially at the beginning. "When we first went to Hollywood people would ignore her. She’d call it the chopped liver syndrome. She would be literally hit away as [women] tried to get to me. It takes adjusting for me too. Sometimes I don’t understand why I am getting this attention." [Telegraph]
• Hugh Jackman's director in Australia, Baz Luhrmann, has a new project lined up for himself: a remake of the Great Gatsby. This could either be fantastic or a garish Technicolor travesty. Can't wait to find out which one! [Deadline Hollywood]
• William H. Macy will replace Jeremy "Thermometer" Piven in the David Mamet play Speed the Plow for part of the run. The role will be shared with Norbert Leo Butz. [NYM]
• There will be an Icelandic venture capital fund named for Bjork. The fund "will invest in sustainable businesses that create value through leveraging Iceland's resources, nature, culture and green energy." Who wouldn't want to buy into Bjork with those values! [AFP via Yahoo]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna: on a luxurious Hawaiian vacay. Us: jealous. [Perez]
• Cisco Adler, best known for his elephantine balls and dating Mischa Barton, will now be known as a dude who got arrested by another citizen in Fargo, North Dakota. Quoth Michael K. of Dlisted, "Following his performance at The Hub, Cisco got into a fight with a dude and while he was being kicked out of the club by security, he punched one of the employees in the nose. Before the police showed up and arrested him, the employee who got punched out performed a citizen's arrest on Cisco. CITIZEN'S ARREST! I love a good citizen's arrest." [Dlisted]
• David Bowie's stepdaughter, Stacia Lipka, won an $80,000 settlement against the City of New York after what sounds like a harrowing ordeal. "Lipka claimed Detectives Richard Vecchio and John Holbert violated her rights by photographing her nude body after she reported having been raped and was on suicide watch in October 2003…In addition to the lewd photo shoot at Staten Island's St. Vincent's Hospital, Lipka also claimed Vecchio molested her during one official visit." Vecchio was acquitted of criminal charges but was fired from the NYPD. [NYP]
• Which Celebs have the most followers on MySpace? Zach Braff, Kim Kardashian and Selena Gomez. A truly distinguished trio! [AP]
• Music icon Quincy Jones is sad about kids today and their lack of knowledge about music history. "I was in Seattle about a month ago, and I asked a kid, 'What do you think about Louis Armstrong?' And he said, 'I've heard the name,'" Q laments. "I said, 'What do you think about Duke Ellington and Charlie Parker and Coltrane?' He said, 'I've never heard of them.' And that hurts me a lot. Because it's easier to get where you're going if you know where you came from." Then he added, "Now get the hell off my yard!" [CNN]

[Hawaii, June 11. Images via Splash.]