So is it too predictable to point out here that no women's magazine would ever or probably will ever be a disillusioned military commander's chosen outlet for airing grievances with his or her superiors in the hegemony? Is it too broken record-y of me to point out one more time that women's magazines are such a fucking joke the most powerful woman in America stood up an interviewer hailing from the most famous one of them? That they are such a fucking joke she worried her fluffy, pointless coverage by one  in a year her fiercest opponent got his most impressive poll bounce from Oprah  would be damaging to her campaign? That it would make her look foolish and yet elitist? I wanted this post to be a lighthearted recommendation of some powerful women Glamour and Cosmo should start lobbying to resign. How awesome would it be if Cosmo finally snagged Condi? If Self got Monica Goodling? Ha ha ha, yeah, it would be awesome only to us, because those magazines are crap. Even ELLE, which is a pretty decent magazine, is so far from claiming this sort of influence it is PITIFUL. And what's the problem? Women's magazines simply make too much money. Esquire is allowed to break even. JANE was folded for not growing its profits briskly enough. Anyway, I am grumpy. Can you tell I just took my meds? I'm totally going to cheer myself up now by writing a fake Monica Goodling profile for Cosmo.

• Eliot Spitzer was fucking hookers the whole time he was fucking Wall Street assholes, maybe even longer, and he still hasn't resigned, probably because he is such a whore he wants to soak up the whole week's news cycle for himself and make us all forget there's a campaign to cover... [NY Post]
  
• So yeah, as you can imagine, that was enough time for a few of the girls to figure out who the fuck he was. [NY Post]
  
• And the investigation began as all great investigations do: suspicious movements of cash near a Dunkin Donuts. [NYT]
  
• Oh, crap! A primary tonight! In Mississippi. Obama is expected to win, but it's the margin that counts; if he wins 19 out of 33 delegates he can cancel out all Hillary's gains in Ohio & Texas. Seems doable, right? Says a black restaurant owner of Obama's success: "You can't believe it. It's the greatest thing since salt." [WSJ]
  
• So, normally the market would have gone crazyyyy just on account of Eliot Spitzer getting stripped of every last shred of his dignity but today it needed the Fed to promise to print new money and give it to banks or something. [WSJ]
  
• This is good because bankers don't have much to do with no money. "Some bankers in the lending business are reporting to work two days a week. 'If they say they're busy, they're lying,' said one head of investment banking." [WSJ]

• Oil is $109 a barrel, therefore our trade deficit is still widening, but it's not as bad as predicted because the price of food is going up and we actually export some of that, yay agriculture subsidies! [WSJ]
• Merrill Lynch is predicting the worst recession since the 1970s! [WSJ]
• Admiral William Fallon resigned abruptly after being quoted criticizing the troop surge and Iran policy in... Esquire. He's a top Middle East commander. [WSJ]
• Think that has anything to do with the strange timing of Martina Navratilova renouncing her American citizenship over her shame for George W. Bush? Or was it, like, the 700,000th Iraq war death that finally pushed her over the edge? The Doug Feith book? [Guardian]
• Romney says he'd "take veep" for McCain. This is not quite as presumptuous as Bill Clinton saying Obama would "take veep" for his wife, but I hope to God it isn't as likely, because McCain is off in Israel or somesuch  that's how badly he doesn't have to campaign right now  and he has a pretty decent chance of actually choosing the nation's next vice president, only to die. [Politico]
• The media still won't let up on Hillary Clinton's tax returns. [ABC]
• Germaine Greer thinks Hillary is "bossy" and "manipulative" and she swears up and down it's not because she's a misogynist. [AP]
• Oh wait, that aside about straight uprotected anal sex being safer than unprotected vaginal sex? That came out of my ass. It was not meant to take seriously. It is actually less safe for many STDs. Use condoms, folks!