The episode was even more laugh-out-loud than usual, with Frank morphing into Liz, Jenna dubbing text messages "business sexts," and Tracy Jordan going to Whoopi Goldberg for advice on winning an EGOT (an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony), which is "a great goal for a crazy person."

While Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan often steal the show from star/writer Tina Fey, the episode's most hilarious moments came from her character Liz Lemon, who had a breakdown while filming the Dealbreakers pilot. Though Liz fantasized that as a TV star she'd be a glamorous blonde carrying on an affair with Astronaut Mike Dexter, in reality, she got a terrible makeover and her insecurities about acting made her so awkward that she forgot how to perform basic moves like waving and smiling. Jenna explained that "Regular Liz" had been transformed into "Performer Liz," and that Jack must then "lie to her, coddle her, protect her from the real world." Or as he put it, "Treat her like the New York Times treats its readers."

Although Anthony Lane criticized Fey's acting in The New Yorker's review of Baby Mama last year, saying, "she hasn't yet made up her mind how funny her body is meant to be," in the clip below, Fey shows off her physical comedy chops as Liz attempts to film the intro for Dealbreakers.

What really did Liz in wasn't her robotic performance or Jenna-like tantrums, but what her face looked like in high-def:

At least she didn't look as bad as Pete:

Once again, we saw that in his soul, Kenneth belongs on Sesame Street:

And of course, the only person who actually looked better in high-definition was Alec Baldwin:

The full episode is available on Hulu.

Switching Places [The New Yorker]
"Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001" [Hulu]

"Men and women — women want all the rights of men, but they're not asking to be called men… do you think… is it the word [marriage] is more important than the rights?" Portia, who is married to Ellen DeGeneres, was measured, confident, calm and clear in her answer: "Of course it's not the word." (I would have added, "Dumbass.") Portia went on to say, "Without the word, we don't have equal rights." Then she explained that a "lesser" term would imply that gay couples are lesser. Applause.

While I think that Perez Hilton—who has repeatedly called Prejean a bitch, among other nasty things—has been out of line, I don't believe the same is true for Whoopi. Whoopi referred to Prejean's hostile and defensive demeanor and attitude as "bitchy" during an interpersonal exchange. There's a big difference between calling someone a name, and describing someone's behavior. The former is an insult and the latter is an inference.

Elisabeth didn't seem to grasp that, and accused "the liberals" of "hating" Prejean "for no reason." You can be sure that Joy checked her on that.

Whoopi and Sherri bring up a good point when asking Carrie if she was a Christian when she made her sex tape, and trying to explain to her how people could see hypocrisy in preaching about how others should live according to her Christian values, and then not complying with them herself. This point, however, was lost on her: she simply focused on how mean Perez Hilton was to her.


Later in the interview, Carrie became flustered and even more defensive when Barbara asked her about a portion of her book that claims that describes Donald Trump's behavior—which she intimates was inappropriate—around the women in the pageant.

First: there probably aren't two people out there who have studied this case and agree exactly on what should happen to Roman Polanski, so let's get that out of the way before this conversation spirals down the way it did on The View this morning. There are certainly gray areas to be found here, even if they're only concerning a biased judge. But Whoopi Goldberg, in a condescending rant ostensibly about clarifying exactly what Roman Polanski was charged with (as if that matters, when nobody is denying that he drugged and had sex with a child), can't seem to find them. She seems obsessed with the actual charges to which Polanski pleaded guilty (sex with a minor), and refers to the case as a "suit," as if it's a civil lawsuit about a roach in a box of french fries.

The other ladies try to get a word in edgewise while Whoopi distracts them with her crusade of literal legal language — could it be because Whoopi's own daughter got pregnant at 15? That fact, while seemingly salient (especially when Whoopi says "Would I want my 14-year-old daughter having sex? Not necessarily."), is never mentioned. So close, ladies! Why didn't you jump on her then?

Then it's time for Whoopi to take us into her fantastical moral universe where there's something called "rape-rape," and where it seems perfectly reasonable to her that a man facing jail charges for a crime to which he pleaded guilty would simply leave the country to avoid them. You know it's a good episode of The View when Sherri Shepherd makes the most sense:

Whoopi: "I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and and when they let him out he was like "You know what this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail I'm not staying, so that's why he left."

Oh yes, of course. Duh. Case closed.

What is worrisome about Whoopi's argument is that she refuses to call a 43 year old man having sex with an unconscious 13 year old girl "rape". She may have personal, possibly guilty-parent reasons for not accepting this, but as tangled up as this case is, the fact that it was rape is one of the least controversial things about it. Roman Polanski admitted to drugging and having sex with a child, and in the country in which he did it, that is rape. (Though nice try Whoopi with the "Europeans have sex with children all the time!" argument, or whatever that was.)

It's noble of Whoopi to try to clarify the facts before arguing about a case (her line: "I don't like when we're passionate about something and we don't have all the facts" should be blown up to poster size and placed in front of the ladies for the duration of every show), but a plea agreement isn't necessarily, and often bears no resemblance to, what really happened. People who kill people while drunk driving often cop a plea of manslaughter, when everyone knows it's murder, and Roman Polanski pleaded guilty to a lesser charge than child rape, but it was child rape.

But I will say something about Whoopi Goldberg and the entire discussion on The View today: none of the ladies tried to justify Polanski's actions with the "defense" that he's a genius artist who made groundbreaking movies and should therefore be immune to punishment. Because make no mistake: those people are flat-out saying they would refuse to give up a few good movies to prevent the rape of a child. Whoopi may have been wrong today, but at least she wasn't that wrong.

• Oh Christ: Jennifer Aniston "burst into tears in her trailer" while filming in New York.

The "unlucky-in-love actress" was late coming out of her trailer while filming The Bounty a few weeks ago, and allegedly tearfully said to an assistant: "I need a moment. This scene reminds me of Brad and me." A source says: "While she enjoyed flirting with Gerard on set and put a brave face on every day, privately she is still very fragile." Eyeroll! (Note: Her rep says this story is "ridiculous… it never happened.") [Page Six]

• By the by, Jennifer Aniston went to see Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig in A Steady Rain on Broadway on Tuesday. [Gatecrasher]
• Samantha Burke, who had a dalliance with Jude Law, gave birth yesterday in Florida. [Page Six]
• What the what? Renée Zellweger is not going to gain a bunch of weight for the third Bridget Jones flick? A source says she will wear a fat suit, out of concern about the health effects of quickly putting and then losing 30 lbs. [MSNBC]
• Katherine Heigl made the news of her adoption public the same day Ellen Pompeo gave birth to a daughter of her own, and a source says: "It looks like they were trying to one-up one another." There's something very Penelope about this: "Well my kid was born earlier than yours, and is already at Harvard, so…" [Page Six]
• John Travolta took the stand yesterday, admitting that his son Jett was autistic and suffered from a seizure disorder — having seizures every five to 10 days. [MSNBC]
• Travolta also said that the ambulance took 40 minutes to reach his son, and by the time his son got to the emergency room, he was not alive. [NY Post]
• The alleged extortionists in the John Travolta case have been caught on video haggling over money; their lawyers will try to get the videotape thrown out of court on the grounds it was illegally recorded. [TMZ]
• Lily Allen: Quitting the music biz. She blogged: "Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record (applause). I do however remain a fan of new music, so this is not some selfish crusade. The days of me making money from recording music has been and gone as far as I'm concerned, so I don't (at this point) stand to profit from legislation… If you can't sell your music, you can't go on. It's that simple." [Digital Spy]
• Lily Allen will concentrate on acting; she will be in a production of Neil LaBute's play Reasons To Be Pretty in London's West End. [Daily Mail]
• Photos of Kelly Bensimon will be in Playboy. A source says: "Kelly is telling everyone that she might be on the cover." The snaps were taken years ago by Kelly's ex, Gilles Bensimon, but a source says: "They're sexy, but they won't set the world on fire." [Page Six]
• Mackenzie Phillips has revealed shocking details of her relationship with her father, and John Phillips' ex wife, Michelle Phillips (who was in the Mamas & The Papas), says: "Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness. She's had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years. She was arrested for heroin and coke just recently… The whole thing is timed. Mackenzie is jealous of her siblings, who have accomplished a lot and did not become drug addicts." But Michelle Phillips daughter, Chynna Phillips, who is Mackenzie's half sister, says: "After long nights of heroin use, (Mackenzie is) claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Was he actually raping her? I don't know. Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and that it went on for 10 years? Yes." [MSNBC]
• Christina Aguilera recently traveled to Guatemala with the World Food Programme to see the impact of hunger; . Guatemala has the fourth highest child malnutrition rate in the world. Christina says: "WFP urgently needs donations to keep feeding some 150,000  women and undernourished children – I want to raise awareness and open people's eyes so they can get the funds they need to keep on working… One of the biggest lessons I'm taking away from this trip is the importance of healthy food. If a child under two doesn't get the nutrients they need, we can never fix the damage later on." [WFP]
• Kirsten Dunst will testify today against a man accused of burglarizing her hotel room. [NY Daily News]
• Kanye West is being prosecuted for breaking a paparazzi's camera at LAX last September; last Friday, his lawyer went to the judge and pushed back the hearing until late October. Is he still trying to keep a low profile? [TMZ]
• Hmm: Kanye West has posted a video promoting his "Fame Kills" tour with Lady Gaga. So maybe the tour is on after all. [KanyeUniverseCity]
• "First new Michael Jackson song set for release; posthumous single 'This Is It' to hit airwaves" [Gatecrasher]
• Macy Gray was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars and was too distraught to go on Jimmy Kimmel Live afterward, like most eliminated contestants do. Her partner, Jonathan Roberts says: "She put her whole heart into the show. She feels like she let her fans down." [ET]
• Real NYU students find Gossip Girl's version of NYU laughable. [NY Post]
• Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan: Still on. [Page Six]
• Eva Longoria Parker says she wants to go back to school and enroll in a master's program in Chicano studies and political science to learn more about her Mexican roots. She's a Texas native, but her family is originally from the northern Mexican city of Monterrey. [AP]
• In the Anna Nicole Smith case, search warrant affidavits suggest Howard K. Stern put his name on prescriptions for drugs that were given to Smith, and claim that a total of 44 different medications were prescribed for Smith under a number of other names, including Stern's. [NY Post]
• Remember how Suzanne Somers said that Patrick Swayze should have fought his cancer "nutritionally"? Whoopi Goldberg didn't like that, and says: "Patrick did everything and went everywhere to try and stay healthy as long as he could. That he's been gone a week and this statement came out is bad timing and bad taste and Suzanne, you should know better." Now Suzanne says: "In a casual conversation at a private party (with someone who never identified himself as a reporter) at the Toronto Film Festival last week, I was asked about this beloved actor. It was never my intention to make an official statement about his passing. I was not informed or aware I was being interviewed. I would never have been so insensitive as to offer a public statement so close to his untimely passing. I sincerely apologize if my comment has caused any additional pain to his family during this difficult time. I send my deepest condolences for their loss." [Perez]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jennifer Jason Leigh is pregnant; she and director husband Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale) are expecting a baby in March. [ONTD via National Enquirer]
• Michael Moore stirred up trouble on Good Morning America yesterday, exposing the stripped rights of permalancers. [NY Post]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch was denied his request to serve the remaining weeks of his sentence for tax evasion in home confinement. He'll have to stay in jail. [USA Today]
• "Phyllida Law, mother of the actress Emma Thompson, has had her stolen gargoyles returned two years after they were stolen after announcing she had put a curse on the thieves." [Telegraph]
• Q: How traumatic is it for you to not be wearing tights and poofy britches?
  A: "It's very easy. I do miss sliding off the back of a horse, but apart from that it's all good. It's actually rather wonderful running around, blazing a Glock on my hip." — Joseph Fiennes on his new show, FlashForward. [Washington Post]
• "I'm a bit scared of being single and scared of getting into another relationship, but I'm married to my work right now." — Natalie Imbruglia, who split from husband Daniel Johns in January 2008. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I took a couple years off and, during that time, I felt like I wanted to know what was important to me, what I really loved and what I was interested in. And if I even wanted to make films anymore. I felt I had done what I had to do. I contemplated being a hermit. I went to a distant mountain top that you could only walk to. No electricity. No water. I spent about five days there and thought, 'This is fantastic. Maybe I am a hermit.' " — Jane Campion, on life after her 2003 film In The Cut, which critics panned. [USA Today]
• "Once I got the part, I did some work with a coach. Everybody else in the show is doing a modern Southern accent and I wanted something old-fashioned. There are no contractions. Bill never says can't or won't. It's always, 'I did not want you to do that,' which is funny because you then find yourself doing it in everyday life, saying things like, 'I cannot stand pains aux raisins.'" — Stephen Moyer on his True Blood character. [Telegraph]
• "I am fine — happy and healthy. It's irresponsible when people obsess about my shape and size. I appreciate there are young girls and women who look at me as a role model and it is untrue to say I do not eat and I am unhealthy. 'I have a healthy diet, a healthy lifestyle and plenty of energy to run after my three energetic boys and travel the world managing my fashion business." — Victoria Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "We did have a few moments of friction when we were tired or after a long day of shooting. [Jennifer Grey] seemed particularly emotional, sometimes bursting into tears if someone criticized her. Other times, she slipped into silly moods, forcing us to do scenes over and over again when she'd start laughing. I was on overdrive for the whole shoot - staying up all night to do rewrites, squeezing in dance rehearsals, shooting various scenes - and was exhausted a lot of the time. I didn't have a whole lot of patience for doing multiple retakes. It was horrifyingly, hypothermically cold in that lake, and we filmed that scene over and over. And despite the fact that Jennifer was very light, when you're lifting someone in water, even the skinniest little girl can feel like 500 pounds." — Memories of making Dirty Dancing, from Patrick Swayze's memoir. [Gatecrasher]

As Joy mentioned, many of the girls like being on the list, and are upset if they are not. Unsurprisingly, Hill—a conservative, and former Fox News anchor—believes that the term "slut" is always an insult "whether it's deserved or not," because, she says, "[Sex with multiple partners] is not what we were put on this earth to do."

But, as Whoopi pointed out, this is a generational thing. Younger women have a different relationship with that word. (If "slut" is the only feminine word we have that's comparable to "stud," then it should be treated as such.) Perhaps one good thing about high school girls not taking the word seriously is that they remove the power from it, so if someone calls them a slut, they aren't offended or damaged by it. Regardless, even though Hill seems to be certain about what she's supposed to do "on this earth," it's not her place to decide what other women are "supposed" to do.

In the clip above, Mika says she "doesn't get frustrated that much," by the guys on the Morning Joe crew, but Sherri Shepherd points out that she's often the only woman on the panel and "sometimes they say things that are so sexist." It seems Brzezinski follows the "boys will be boys" school of thought. She calls Mike Barnicle "my misogynist," then says she admires Joe because, "one of his key messages is to raise the bar."

Here's a brief look back at the various ways her male co-hosts have "raised the bar" in recent years:

JUNE 1, 2007
Mika wasn't present for the controversial incident in the YouTube video below, but there's no doubt that she heard about it. On Morning Joe, Joe discusses Fred Thompson's wife Jeri Thompson with a caller and asks, "Have you seen Fred Thompson's wife? You think she works the pole?"

JANUARY 18, 2008
Joe responds to the controversy over Chris Matthews saying that the only reason Hillary Clinton is,

"a U.S. senator, the reason she's a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around. That's how she got to be senator from New York. We keep forgetting it. She didn't win there on her merit."

According to Media Matters, Joe says:

I think it's outrageous that Chris Matthews has to apologize for saying something, inartfully perhaps, so many years later that op-ed writers were talking about in '99 and 2000 because Gloria Steinem, who wrote an op-ed supporting Hillary Clinton before New Hampshire, Media Matters, who many people have called a front group for Hillary Clinton, just because they're attacking Chris Matthews, who has obviously been critical of Hillary Clinton. What's your take?

JANUARY 23, 2008
On Morning Joe, Mike Barnicle says of Hillary Clinton, "when she reacts the way she reacts to Obama with just the look, the look toward him, looking like everyone's first wife standing outside a probate court, OK?" Media Matters reports that panelists Joe Scarborough, Willie Geist, and David Shuster all crack up.

JANUARY 30, 2008
According to Media Matters, Joe Scarborough announces, "I, actually - I don't endorse anybody because, as you know, I'm a journalist," which makes Mika Brzezinski laugh. Joe responds: "Mika, don't make me backhand you." She replies, "Oh, lord."

JULY 3, 2008
On MSNBC's Race for the White House, Joe argues with Rachel Maddow about whether or not Barack Obama said we'd be out of Iraq in 16 months in an interview during the campaign, according to Media Matters. Rachel Maddow laughs and tells Scarborough, "You're so wrong. I can't even hold it together. You're so wrong." He replies: "You might support Obama, but you've got the Clinton cackle down, Rachel. I'm proud of you."

MAY 13, 2009
While discussing Donald Trump's decision to let Carrie Prejean keep her crown, Joe polls the Morning Joe panel, asking if they think Carrie Prejean is beautiful in the video below from Media Matters. All the men raise their hands and Mika refuses to answer, saying the story is "stupid" and "ridiculous." Joe cuts her off saying, "Shh, shush. Seriously guys, when I ask you to cut her mic it's not like hey this is great TV theater, I mean cut her mic."

Actually, we see Mika's point: If we had to spend three hours with these guys every morning, we'd probably just stop taking them seriously too!

Scarborough Talks About Working The "Pole" [YouTube]
Joe Scarborough: "[I]t's Outrageous That Chris Matthews Has To Apologize" For Hillary Clinton Comments [Media Matters]
All-Male Morning Joe Panel Laughed As Barnicle Compared Clinton To "Everyone's First Wife Standing Outside A Probate Court" [Media Matters]
Scarborough To Brzezinski On Morning Joe: "[D]on't Make Me Backhand You" [Media Matters]
Scarborough To Maddow: "[Y]ou've Got The Clinton Cackle Down, Rachel. I'm Proud Of You" [Media Matters]
Morning Joe Crew Takes A Vote: "Who Thinks [Miss California]'s Beautiful?" [Media Matters]

• Whoopi Goldberg on Patrick Swayze:

"Patrick was a really good man, a funny man and one to whom I owe much that I can't ever repay. I believe in Ghost's message, so he'll always be near." [Extra]

• Jennifer Grey on Patrick Swayze: "When I think of him, I think of being in his arms when we were kids, dancing, practicing the lift in the freezing lake, having a blast doing this tiny little movie we thought no one would ever see. [He was] a real cowboy with a tender heart. It was not surprising to me that the war he waged on his cancer was so courageous and dignified." [People]
• Dirty Dancing's choreographer, Kenny Ortega on Patrick Swayze: "The planet has lost a big heart. And I, a forever friend." [People]
• Twitter tributes to Patrick Swayze here. [NY Daily News]
• Kanye West got a talking-to from Taylor Swift's mom backstage at the VMA awards; a source says she "tore into" him after he interrupted Taylor's speech. Additionally, it was Beyoncé's dad, Matthew Knowles, who arranged the moment in which Beyoncé gave Taylor another moment in the spotlight. [People]
• Here a source claims that the Beyoncé/Taylor Swift moment "was all Beyonce's idea. Kanye embarrassed her by bringing her name into it. She wanted to make it right." [MSNBC Scoop]
• 50 Cent on Kanye West's outburst: "We know Beyoncé's great. Nobody's confused in that area…" Fiddy also says: "I wish he would come take one of my awards so I could black his eye in front of everybody." [ONTD via Much Music]
• Did President Obama call Kanye West a jackass? All signs point to yes, but "off the record." [Politico]
• Anna Wintour went to the US Open and left with a tennis ball in her purse! [Page Six]
• Diddy caused a ruckus at post by standing in the street after a VMA party. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, Michael Jackson admits that he was on pain medication and spent A LOT of time under the influence of prescription drugs in 2003. [The Sun]
• Russell Brand and Katy Perry made out. Pass it on. [Page Six]
• Kim Cattrall spills about Sex And The City Deux: "Expect lots of fun," she says. And: "It was so much fun to relive the wild and crazy fashions of the '80s. I absolutely loved the four different looks of all of us. We were all so uniquely different that we all couldn't stop admiring our different looks. There was lots of laughing, and it was a blast! Working with the three women is so easy. I mean seven years of doing the series and the first movie and now two years later being back feels like being home. It's so much fun. There is a saying that you can't go home again but on Sex and the City, you can." [People]
• This report says that Sex And The City 2 will see Carrie pregnant; a commenter snipes: "Isn't she like 123 years old by now? And Big should be reaching 156. Why would they have a baby? I hope this isn't the case." [Gatecrasher]
• LOL: Jon Gosselin was overheard saying "please write something nice about me" at an In Touch party. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Mr. Big, aka Chris Noth, is engaged, and it's not to Carrie: Noth has proposed to partner Tara Lynn Wilson, with whom he has a 19-month-old son. [Ok!]
• If you missed Lady Gaga and date Kermit the Frog on the red carpet at the MTV Awards, there's video here. [MTV]
• Kelly Osbourne's dropped about 14 lbs. in just three weeks, thanks to insane training for Dancing With The Stars. She says: "It's so amazing, I've tried so many stupid fad diets to try to lose weight, when all I needed to do was start dancing." And: "‘I'm actually really small, I just photograph fat." [Daily Mail]
• Colin Farrell says he's psyched to have a new kid on the way: "I'm very excited man! Very! There is nothing more exciting really." [People]
• Ricky Gervais has a crush on Rob Lowe. [Mirror]
• Brittany "Bre" Scullark from America's Next Top Model was arrested in New York on Monday for picking up some woman's laptop at a Starbucks — thinking it belonged to a family member — and then cursing out the woman. [TMZ]
• "Jessica Simpson sees dog snatched by coyote and appeals for its return on Twitter (does she think the offending beast can read?)" [Daily Mail]
• Sean Penn and hot model Jessica White: Still on. [Page Six]
• The Seinfeld reunion is really an "anti-reunion." [Reuters]
• Kim Kardashian will appear on the new Fox sitcom Brothers, opposite Michael Strahan and Daryl "Chill" Mitchell. "Even though I'm playing myself, you kind of have to play it up a little bit," Kim says. "I always get a little bit nervous because I am new to acting and I respect it so much, so I just want to do it justice." But, um, you're playing yourself. [People]
• The scene: A VMA party. Champagne! Celebrities! Stephanie Pratt's credit card: declined. [Page Six]
• A New York theater doing The Piven Monologues, comic look at the star's case of mercury poisoning, has received a cease and desist letter from Jeremy Piven. [Page Six]
• Jane Fonda has penned a HuffPo essay about her letter protesting the Toronto International Film Festival's decision to showcase and celebrate Tel Aviv. She writes: "As I said in my recent blog, the greatest "re-branding" of Israel would be to celebrate that country's long standing, courageous and robust peace movement by helping to end the blockade of Gaza through negotiations with all parties to the conflict, and by stopping the expansion of West Bank settlements. That's the way to show Israel's commitment to peace, not a PR campaign." [Huffington Post]
• "It's the last leg of Eddie Izzard's 43 marathons in 51 days. How did the less than athletic comic pull off such a feat of endurance?" [BBC News]
• Home Depot will start selling Martha Stewart stuff in 2010, when her deal with K-Mart ends. [Reuters]
• The late Bea Arthur was remembered at Broadway's Majestic Theatre on Monday. [NY Post, People]
• At the Bea Arthur memorial, Rue McClanahan told a touching story in which Bea said: "Rue, I love. Betty White's a cunt." [Page Six]
• "A famous celebrity raped me and Peter knows who it was. It was years ago before I was with Pete, and my friends and family knew about it at the time." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [Daily Mail]
• "I think music piracy is having a dangerous effect on British music, but some really rich and successful artists like Nick Mason from Pink Floyd and Ed O'Brien from Radiohead don't seem to think so. These guys from huge bands said file sharing music is fine. It probably is fine for them. They do sell out arena tours and have the biggest Ferrari collections in the world. For new talent though, file sharing is a disaster as it's making it harder and harder for new acts to emerge. I don't think what's out there is perfect. It's stupid that kids can't buy anything on the internet without credit, forcing them to steal Mum's credit card or download illegally." — Lily Allen. [Telegraph]
• "No one was injured. In fact, the only one who seemed irritated by the whole affair was a tiny Jewish woman who kept saying, 'I don't care who is in the limo. I have somewhere to be!'" — Joan Rivers, whose limo sideswiped a bus yesterday. [Page Six]
• "I hate when celebrities make a big deal of themselves. When I talk to Diddy, I'm just like ‘Hey Sean, no big deal.'" — Jon Gosselin. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "He slapped me once but he got hit on the head three times by me… [I] was horrified he spit on me, in my face." — Whitney Houston, on Bobby Brown. [NY Daily News]

• Russell Brand on the Kanye West incident at the VMAs:

"You don't like to see people upset. But I think it just gets exciting, live television, live events. People get worked up and things happen." [AP]

• "However rude Kanye West's intrusion may have been, it suited the controversy the VMAs openly crave." [NY Times]
• Philippe van den Bossche, the boss of Madonna's Raising Malawi charity, has quit after falling in love with Madonna's trainer, Tracy Anderson — also famous for sculpting Gwyneth Paltrow's physique. [Page Six]
• Is Oprah in trouble? This report notes: "Winfrey is still the queen of daytime television, but the aura of invincibility is gone. The average viewership for The Oprah Winfrey Show slipped under 7 million last season, down 7 percent from the year before, according to Nielsen Media Research. One week during the July rerun season, the show had its lowest ratings since its 1985 debut." [AP]
• Colin Farrell: Having another baby. He and girlfriend Alicja Bachleda are expecting their first child. Colin has a 5-year-old son James from a previous relationship with model Kim Bordenave. [Us Magazine]
• At a red carpet event, a photographer asked Colin Farrell's sister to step away to Colin could be photographed alone. Colin got mad and confronted the snapper, who says: "I was just saying, 'Please can everyone clear the carpet, move on.' He took it personal. He said, 'Do not shout at my sister like that, do not ever speak to my sister like that ever.'' [Daily Express]
• Deepak Chopra knew Michael Jackson for 20 years, and he says of Michael's death: "It was caused not by the drugs he had been taking for years — He was a very controlled addict. But by him being given a particular drug that is so powerful that I have never heard of it being used anywhere but in an operating theater with breathing tubes and a ventilator… This is something bigger and is happening all the time – and not just in Hollywood. The number one cause of drug addiction in America right now is medical prescriptions. We have to wake up to that." [Telegraph]
• Elton John would like to adopt a Ukrainian boy named Lev, but the country bans gay couples from adopting children. In addition, Elton and partner David Furnish are considered too old to be adoptive parents. But click the links to see adorable pix of the tot. [The Sun, NY Daily News]
• Ugh, some of the comments on this Elton John story are vile. [Page Six]
• Gisele Bundchen hates when her personal real estate business is in the paper. [Page Six]
• Lionel Richie says now that daughter Nicole has given birth to son Sparrow, "She is the happiest woman ever. She is just in total control. I'm the one that's nervous!" He also jokes: "Harlow right now is enjoying the baby until she finds out it's staying." And: "[Sparrow] looks just like Harlow." [People]
• John Mayer was at a bar in NYC when someone got stabbed; Mayer and other patrons were "seen fleeing." [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle's first single has been revealed: It's a cover of The Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses." [Mirror]
• Tila Tequila has apparently been mentioning Chris Brown in her Tweets; Chris Brown has responded: "NOT TRYNA BE RUDE but i keep hearing tila bringing my name up. ur 15 seconds of fame has ended. dont try to gain fans by dissing me.godbless." [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton is working on her new show The Beautiful Life, but while doing so, she has been ordered to stay away from booze, boys and bad behavior. She complained to cast members: "All I can do is smoke cigarettes." [Page Six]
• Lost is scheduled to end on Wednesday, May 19, 2010. Mark your calendars. [ONTD via LostBlog]
• Ugh. Here's a "joke" an NFL announcer made during a Detroit Lions game: "Going from two Super Bowls in Pittsburgh to the winless Detroit team — that's like going from dating Beyoncé to Whoopi Goldberg." [TMZ]
• "Russell Brand romanced model Christy Peterson for three months without seeing another girl. Then he told her to go shopping with his mum and had sex with a fan and a stripper." [News.com.au]
• "Prince Harry leaves nightclub ten minutes after Chelsy Davy... as he misses Lord Freddie Windsor's wedding." [Daily Mail]
• Interested in a Hollywood Hills 5,334 square foot 1929 Spanish-style house or a 4,062 square foot three-story contemporary Mediterranean home with a guesthouse? Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor are selling, and you only need around $12.5 million [UPI]
• Jay Leno's new show is related to NBC's decision to split football drama Friday Night Lights between DirecTV and NBC. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Dancing With The Stars' Maksim Chmerkovskiy is "still nursing a broken heart but doing okay" after his breakup with Karina Smirnoff. [People]
• Chandra Wilson has been nominated four consecutive years for her portrayal of Miranda Bailey, the no-nonsense chief resident on ABC's Grey's Anatomy, but is still looking for her first win. She says: "The thing that always impresses me whenever I go on the website each year to cast my little vote for myself, there are like 400 women there! So to even get in the top five, narrowed down from all those women, that's already amazing. I'm a huge fan of Sandra's work on this show. So the fact that we keep coming in together, I'm highly complimented by that. I also think it's a big testament to the show remaining as current as it is, six years in." [NY Times]
• Harrison Ford was honored with a tribute to his career at the 35th Deauville American Film Festival in Normandy, France, and got all choked up. Han Solo doesn't cry! [Daily Mail]
• Director Niki Caro and actress Keisha Castle-Hughes paired up in 2002's divine Whale Rider, and have reteamed for new film The Vinter's Luck. [USA Today]
• Couple alert: Chace Crawford and Bar Refaeli. [NY Daily News]
• Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton has dumped girlfriend Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls, telling her he is not ready for marriage and children. But she was quoted as saying: "My dream is to do my own music one day, to have an unbelievable tour, to have done some musical theatre and some film and maybe to have opened up a performing arts school for special needs kids. That is my ultimate dream — not marriage." [Mirror]
• Even though they broke up 22 years ago, The Smiths are gaining new fans, thanks to 500 Days Of Summer. [Independent]
• ABBA's Benny Anderson on rumors that the group will create music for a sequel to Mamma Mia!: "it's not going to happen. There will not be another, quote unquote, Abba musical." [UPI]
• "Sir Michael Caine described his latest vigilante film as a 'warning' of the way British society is heading." [Mirror]
• Kirk Douglas, 92, Is the oldest person on MySpace. He recently sent son Michael Douglas a message which read: "I've got 800 new friends, what should I do?" [Mirror]
• I Can Do Bad All By Myself opened at the top of the weekend box office with more than $24 million in ticket sales. [NY Daily News]
• Blind items! "Which has-been action hero has knocked up his comely assistant? When his longtime girlfriend learned of the impending birth, she angrily split… Which world-famous actor has fallen out with his equally A-list director? They have weeks to go on their upcoming block buster, but the actor thinks the director is arrogant and dismissive of his ideas, while the director considers his leading man to be a spoiled, over rated punk." [Page Six]
• "I'm not that motivated nor do I see that many good projects that make me want to take me away from my family. So much so, that his young children see mummy as the film star in the family. All they know was daddy makes pancakes because I did not have a movie to show them." — Michael Douglas. [Mirror]
• "It feels like we have been away for a long time. The four of us were feeling really nervous about coming back home." — Chris Martin, on Coldplay playing its first UK gig this year. [BBC News]
• "I am comfortable singing in a context like that. I am least comfortable singing karaoke, and less comfortable singing in cabarets. I really only like singing when you understand the context, so an awards show is fine." — Neil Patrick Harris on the Emmys, which he'll be hosting Sunday. [USA Today]
• "You're surrounded by cameras, you're surrounded by film crews, you're surrounded by equipment. It's, like, the most empty, unromantic experience ever." — Penn Badgley on kissing scenes on Gossip Girl. [USA Today]
• "I'm not a great actor. I don't fool myself to think that I am. Most of the work that I get is through having really good relationships with people and being dependable… We all have to put each other in check. Otherwise, people start to become delusional about who they are and what they are and what they're contributing to the world." — Ashton Kutcher. [New York Magazine]
• "Popular music has an emotional-intelligence quotient that's geared much toward younger people. It's all about [he flattens his voice to a disaffected teen monotone] 'You left me. Why did you leave me? I still love you. I tried so hard to stop loving you.' And it's like, well, I relate to that, I just don't want to think about that. When you're younger, you want to wallow in it. When you get older, you still love the person, and wonder why they don't love you. You just have other things to do." — Alec Baldwin. [New York Magazine]
• "At one of the orgies there was this bunny - there was a rabbit, who was just sitting there staring at us. We all kept saying, 'Look that bunny's still there.' And after about 45 minutes, I thought, 'Maybe he's hurt,' and I started to walk over to it and it took two hops and I was like, 'Nope, he's just a pervert.' … He was pervy Peter Rabbit!" — Michelle Forbes, aka Maryann from True Blood. [People]
• "I'm happy to be a representative for curvier women, but I don't really want to be known as 'the fat one.' I don't really mind what people want to say about me, but it's just that I have two daughters and I don't want them growing up to believe that flesh is something to be ashamed of, particularly at their age. They need to understand not to take any notice. I'm happy with my shape." — Nigella Lawson. [Telegraph]
• "It's just a working relationship. We all have our different things that we're doing. We're not friends, but we are cordial." — Sheree Whitfield, on fellow Real Housewives Of Atlanta castmates NeNe, Kim, Lisa and Kandi, whom Sheree says she doesn't really hang out with. [E!]
• "It doesn't really matter, those are Michael's kids. He raised those kids. They were in his arms when they were born." — La Toya Jackson, when asked about the biological father of Michael Jackson's children. [NY Daily News]
• "I recognized myself in that character and most of all, I recognized that I have seen the Precious girls of the world and they have been invisible to me. None of us who see the movie can walk through the world and allow the Preciouses to be invisible again." —Oprah, on the lead character in Precious, the film for which she is the co-executive producer. [AFP]
• "[Director] Karyn Kusama and I are both outspoken feminists. We wanted to subvert the classic horror model of women being terrorized. I want to write roles that service women. I want to tell stories from a female perspective. I want to create good parts for actresses where they're not just accessories to men… The friendships that I had as an adolescent had this unparalleled intensity. I wanted to show how almost horrific that devotion can be. It's almost parasitic." — Diablo Cody on Jennifer's Body. [Reuters]

The interview in Ladies Home Journal's October issue, which will be out on September 8, gives a little more insight into the hosts' relationships behind the scenes, but the tone is similar to when they come back from commercial after a huge fight and maddeningly insist that they all love each other. In fact, Elisabeth Hasselbeck says of their bickering:

It's like when I have a more edgy conversation with my mother — I know she'll love me anyway. And that's what happens at our table: We know what triggers the other person, but we also believe what we believe. It's all up for discussion, and we know we're all coming back tomorrow. So we love each other even though we don't always agree.

At first, when asked what their friendships are like back stage Whoopi Goldberg jokes, "We all hate each other," (or she just wants us to think she's joking.) But, she says it isn't her fault that people think they're feuding:

That idea was put into people's minds before I arrived — that was played up with Rosie, and it stuck. I think for a while things got more personal than they should have and people glommed on to that. I think people want there to be feuds. But I am too lazy to fight — it takes too much energy to keep it going.

Well, we can believe that Whoopi can't even be bothered to keep up a grudge. Barbara Walters credits the current [Rosie O'Donnell-free] lineup with making the show more relevant and popular than ever as it enters its 13th season:

The chemistry is the most important thing. We have been imitated again and again- by men, by other programs — and the thought is there should be one older person, one comedian, one black person, and one younger person, and that will make it work. And it doesn't.

Barbara says that after all the contentious interviews they've had in the past year guests no longer expect the co-hosts to go easy on them because it's just a women's show. In fact, Barbara claims a large number of their viewers are men. Elisabeth agrees, and explains:

Men watch The View to figure women out. My husband, Tim [Hasselbeck, former NFL quarterback], has played for two or three teams since I've been on the show, and every team he's been on, they all watch the show while they're icing their legs. They sit and watch and try to get what women are about.

So just keep in mind next time you're watching the show that men think it reflects what womenfolk are really like. Dudes must particularly enjoy when the co-hosts sexually molest their male guests. Sherri Shepherd says:

I love the gorgeous men who come through and that I get to put my hand on their thighs. The guys love it. Robert Downey Jr. put his head on my lap. And they kiss you. What kind of job do I have? Every man I love turns around and gives me a kiss? When Obama showed up, I was like, this is it, I am done. And Jonathan Rhys Meyers? I am like predator cougar on that boy. I will hurt you.

Where could Sherri have gotten the idea that that's the appropriate way to treat a guest? Well, she does say:

Sherri: Barbara gives the best single-woman advice.
LHJ: Like what?
Sherri: Oh my God, she gives me advice about raising my son and relationships. She also gives good advice about sex.
Barbara: Yeah, because I know so much about sex. I think I learned it all on the show.

But sometimes Barbara still has to be strict with Sherri, like after she infamously said the world is flat on her third day on the show. Sherri says:

I was so nervous and after the segment it was either Whoopi or Barbara who said, "Dear, you do know the world is round." And I was like, "I know that."

As always, the ladies smoothed things over after the incident, telling Sherri that they'd be "there for her," during her time of public humiliation. And it seems these past few seasons have been good for Sherri. Barbara commends her co-host for reading the newspaper every day now and being "more up to date on things than I am sometimes."

The rest of the interview is available here, and in the new issue of Ladies' Home Journal.

A View From The Top [Ladies' Home Journal]

• In the teaser footage from Larry King Live, it seemed like Chris Brown didn't remember assaulting Rihanna. But Chris has released a statement which reads:

"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight. That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like four or five times – and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said. The first four times – or however many times it was – I gave the same answer – which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, 'Do you remember doing it?' and I said, 'No.' Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am, nor is what happened like anything I have ever done before." There's more, but it's similarly vague. He does say he wants to talk to a counselor about what happened and how to channel his anger. [People, TMZ]

• Madonna and Jesus Luz were at the Western Wall in Jerusalem's Old City, and caused a "frenzy" of onlookers and paparazzi. Madonna wore high heels, blue jeans and a black jacket; Jesus wore a black T-shirt and a blank expression. [Daily Mail]
• In an interview with TV Guide, Paula Abdul talks about her emotional farewell from American Idol. "You know, to say ‘no regrets' isn't easy," Paula said. "I feel like I have been such a big, huge part of the success of the show from day one. I loved being able to be the artist's artist; being there from my point of view of knowing what it feels like to be vulnerable and to be out there wanting to achieve the most magical moment in a minute and 30 seconds. To be able to do that was an amazing experience and the show was wonderful for me in that regard." But she will not be taken advantage of! "I stand on principle where many people stand on money," she explained. "I'm a hard-working artist. I've lasted in this business for 23 years. And you can't do that unless you are good at what you do. I believe in myself and you have to have your own self-respect." [MSNBC]
• Paula Abdul will be on TV — playing a judge on Drop Dead Diva and hosting VH1's Divas concert. [USA Today]
• While in Las Vegas, Jon Gosselin was seen jewelry shopping. He looked at a few pinky rings, but mostly checked out engagement rings. [Radar Online]
• Paris Jackson got her hair cut and her security collected the hair from the floor and put it in a bag so no one could take a strand and do some kind of DNA test. [MSNBC via Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson had been requesting hospital-grade sedatives in order to sleep since 1994. [MSNBC]
• OMG: Soleil Moon Frye dressed up as Punky Brewster for her Twitter fans. Sunburst hair barrettes, stripey socks, a key around the neck. Holy macanoli. Video here. [TMZ, Ustream]
• Pete Wentz is working on a new comic book series, Fall Out Toy Works, and says: "I think after you have a kid, all of a sudden you want to do things that your kid can see." But the comic image at the link depicts robot girl with giant breasts and a mini-waist, which doesn't seem appropriate for 9-month-old Bronx. [USA Today]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters were not even watching the Daytime Emmy Awards when The View won this year, after 11 years on the air. Joy Behar joked: "I always said that the key to success was showing up - this time I was wrong." [Gatecrasher]
• "Consider this year's slate of Emmy nominees for best actress in a drama: Sally Field, 62; Holly Hunter, 50; Glenn Close, 62; Mariska Hargitay, 45, and Kyra Sedgwick, 43. The single exception on the list is Elisabeth Moss, the ambitious, naive Peggy Olson in Mad Men, which recently returned for its third season. If Moss, who is 27, were to win, she would be the youngest winner in the category's history." [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• Kim Mathers did an interview with a Detroit radio station about her ex-husband, Eminem. She did not hold back, saying: "I can't stand him. He's an absolutely horrible person and he gets worse every day. I vomit in my mouth whenever I'm around him or I hear his name. There's nothing left in me for him. Nothing at all. He's not very well endowed. If you're going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work." [The Sun]
• Real Housewives Of New York City is filming again; a crew was seen at Jill Zarin's fabric firm yesterday. But a source says there are two new women "waiting in the wings." [Page Six]
• Here's the reason Amy Winehouse was seen with magic marker freckles on her nose: Blake Fielder-Civil used to call her his "lioness." A source says: "She painted the orange marks on her nose and wore a tiger-print top so that Blake would notice." Uh, do lions have freckles? [The Sun]
• Jay-Z will mark the eighth anniversary of 9/11 with a concert to benefit the families of New York's Finest and Bravest who died that day. [Page Six]
• Interested in a story linking Sharon Osbourne, Ryan Jenkins, Jasmine Fiore, Michael Jackson, Tommy Lee Jones ... and Kevin Bacon? [TMZ]
• Keanu Reeves will star in and produce Henry's Crime, a romcom about a bighearted man who is falsely accused of robbing a bank in Buffalo. [Variety]
• Tia and Tamera Mowry will star in a Lifetime move called Double Wedding. Twin sisters begin dating the same man; cue hijinks. [Variety]
• In an interview to air on September 11, ESPN reporter Erin Andrews tells Oprah that having secretly taped nude footage of her on the internet was a "nightmare." [AP]
• "Stephen Fry: gorillas staring at my moobs inspired weight loss. Stephen Fry has said he was inspired to lose five-stone in weight when he noticed gorillas eyeing-up his ''man boobs'' with jealousy." [Telegraph]
• Shania Twain has been "moving on" since her marriage broke up last year: She is nnow with the husband of the woman her husband had an affair with and will be a guest judge on American Idol. [Reuters]
• Whatshername has spent £150,000 on a new dressage horse "which she is calling Cross Dresser." [The Sun]
• Whatshername met her new boyfriend's parents. [Mirror]
• "I was raped when I was younger, more than once." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "[When I first met him] he was wearing an EPMD T-shirt, which let me know he knew and loved classic hip-hop music and was a true fan of the culture. He was excited to meet me and told me what the show I used to host, Yo! MTV Raps, meant to his music development. He really wanted me to sign his DVD of my film Wild Style, which I sadly never got to do. I would later check him out in numerous clips on YouTube where I could see he was truly talented and was elevating the DJ game to new heights along with Travis Barker on the drums. DJ AM and I would exchange small messages on Twitter and I'd often notice him tweet about how he'd landed safely in whatever town he was in as a year ago he survived that tragic plane crash. His last tweet and looking at his @djam twitter page now looks like a monument to a fallen soldier in the culture war, which he was winning. R.I.P. DJ AM...and the BEAT GOES ON!!!!" — Fab Five Freddy. [The Daily Beast]
• "I try to [Twitter]. My parents are way better at it, obviously, than me. I keep trying to figure out, like, do people really care if I'm, like, 'hey, I'm doing my laundry!' [laughs] I keep trying to figure it out, but I'm working on it." — Rumer Willis. She also reveals that her middle sister, Scout, is fluent in French. [JustJared]
• "My early life from infancy to leaving home at 16 was spent in care. I had some wonderful social workers who supported me and helped me achieve my goals in life. That's why it's important to recruit more social workers. There are many people out there, whether they be children, families, vulnerable adults, even the aged, who need a social worker. I want to enable them to have the support they need. Help us to help them, and maybe one day they may help you." — Samantha Morton. [Guardian]
• "If you are old you're not going to play young leads any more, that's a fact. In the film world, the camera loves a young person, man or woman. That's a fact... None of these things are ever going to change. So absorb it, live with it, get over it. I'm not being unkind, but I'm just saying millions of crones like me shouldn't suddenly be given the lead in things, just because we're damn old and very ... sort of recalcitrant." — Joanna Lumley. [Telegraph]
• "There was a photo of me with weird sunglasses on and a green sweatshirt, some striped thing, with tights and cowboy boots. Something really random where in some sense it's me. To this day, I have never read the article. I just saw the photo and thought, 'God, I look crazy in that photograph!' " — Mary-Kate Olsen. [Page Six]

• Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley: Headed for divorce? According to sources:

She's been "partying hard and hanging with a number of male admirers." The two, married in 2006, have not been photographed together since last December. [Gatecrasher]

• Chris Brown sat down with Larry King last night for a "no-holds-barred chat." Expect it to air sometime next week. Interesting that it wasn't not live — no one could call in or Tweet and tell Chris how they really feel about him. [E!]
• Meanwhile Rihanna went dancing with Serena Williams, Queen Latifah and Paula Patton. [Gatecrasher]
• At her concert in Bucharest, Madonna spoke out against the discrimination of Gypsies. She said it made her "sad" that the Roma peple were discriminated against. The crowd booed. [AP]
• These blurry pix are the "three slick hipsters" who allegedly ransacked Lindsay Lohan's house. [NY Daily News]
• WTF: Some fans were escorted from their seats by security for "dancing too provocatively" at the Britney Spears concert in NYC on Tuesday. This is the same woman who shimmied half-naked with a snake while moaning "I'm a slave for you," right? [Page Six]
• Jon Gosselin's reaction to Kate Gosselin's interview with Larry King: "She didn't say anything. She just kept on redirecting and avoiding answering the questions." Jon adds: "When Larry's ready for me, I can answer questions." [MSNBC]
• Cops have located Jasmine Fiore's Mercedes, missing since her murder. Ryan Jenkins was seen leaving a hotel near San Diego on August 14 in the car — carrying a suitcase — it was the same suitcase that was later found to contain Fiore's body. [TMZ]
• Uh-oh: Gerard Butler's pug, Lolita, got into an "altercation" with a greyhound. The greyhound allegedly bit Gerard's dog twice — but the greyhound's owner says that Gerard's dog wasn't on a leash and that Gerard hit his greyhound on the head and shouted, "That dog should be put down!" [MSNBC Scoop]
• Ashley Olsen wore corduroy trousers and a turban to a Girl Talk concert in Brooklyn on Saturday. It was 90°. [Gatecrasher]
• Heidi Klum gets naked in her new coffee-table book, Rankin's Heidilicious, out in October. She says: "It's very naughty. I've been shooting with this photographer, Rankin, for seven years, and working with him is fun because he always makes me look different. And he always gets me to take my clothes off for some reason. We'll do some job, and then he'll say, 'Why don't we shoot some more things,' and I'll wind up without anything on." [E!]
• Lily Allen looks effing hot on the cover of Elle UK. Inside she says: "I wish I'd never written [my song] 'Not Fair.' You know, the thought honestly - really, honestly - never even occurred to me that it would scare men. I thought it might empower women. I thought women would go: 'Oh God, yes, at last somebody is saying it.' I didn't think it would put me in a position where guys would be like, 'Whoa, no, I'm not sleeping with you in case you write something about it!'" [The Sun]
• Derek Jeter and MInka Kelly: Secretly engaged. [Page Six]
• Anne Heche was on Letterman last night and bashed her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon. She called him a "lazy ass" and when asked by Letterman what Lafdoon does for a living, Heche said: "He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, 'Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!'" [People]
• Evan Rachel Wood spills some details about her True Blood character Queen Sophie-Ann: "She's not necessarily a lesbian. Her human partner is a girl, but I'm pretty sure she goes both ways [laughs]. I think vampires are like that in general." In addition, that interview links to an Alexander Skarsgård shower scene. Le sigh. [E!, E!]
• Singer, songwriter, Mandy Moore's husband and now blogger: Ryan Adams will be writing a video game column for website The Awl. [Page Six]
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks on the big screen! She will star alongside Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel in the romance Life As We Know It. [Variety]
• Blake Lively has joined the cast of Ben Affleck's crime thriller The Town, which also stars Jon Hamm. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Paulina Porizkova blogs: "I feel the need to constantly prove I'm not some dumb model." So she reads "lengthy sagas set in hot foreign lands." Her choices include: A Suitable Boy, The Soldier of the Great War, and Rain of Gold. "None of these books are under 500 pages," she writes, "so once read, they can be used to tone biceps or in step class." [Page Six via Modelinia.com]
• Are we supposed to be focusing on Carrie Ann Inaba's crotch in this "spay or neuter today" PETA ad? [People]
• Tom Sizemore: Charged with spousal battery. [TMZ]
• Bob Dylan's Christmas album: Not a joke. [NY Daily News]
• "Malaysia's government has barred Muslims from a concert by U.S. hip-hop stars the Black Eyed Peas next month because the event is organized by Irish beer giant Guinness, an official said Thursday." [AP]
• The new Darren Aronofsky film Black Swan has an explicit sex scene — "not just nice sweet innocent sex, we're talking ecstasy-induced, hungry, angry sex." This paper claims: "No wonder Darren didn't want Rachel Weisz, mother to his three-year-old child, to star." Huh. Well. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis will star instead. [Daily Express]
• Joanne Woodward will take over her late husband Paul Newman's film project, Lucky Them, starring Marisa Tomei, which starts shooting in the fall. [Page Six]
• T-Mobile is pushing myTouch 3G, the product competing with the iPhone, and Whoopi Goldberg will star in some of the ads. Way less creepy than that Palm Pre lady. [AdWeek]
• A source close to Ryan O'Neal says there is no truth to the rumor that Redmond is getting his own reality show. [UPI]
• Robin Williams decided to get rid of his body hair for new movie World's Greatest Dad. "I shaved because if you don't, it's, like, animal-rights issues," he says. "With this, I said to [writer-director Bobcat Goldthwait], 'I think for this scene, I should take everything off because at this point he's literally shedding everything.' It's a breakdown, but in a weird way, a positive one." [LA Times]
• Isaiah Washington and his wife have fallen behind on their house payments and face eviction; the landlord claims the former Grey's Anatomy star owes $100,000 in rent. [USA Today]
• "The less and less you 'act,' great. I had a great acting teacher at Juilliard who said, 'Sometimes, Method acting can be like urinating in brown corduroy pants: You feel wonderful, and we see nothing.' " — Robin Williams. [LA Times]
• "I think women are bitchy. That's the difference. They'll smile at you and then kill you. The men just give it right at you. Oprah's just very cold. Oprah, if she don't need you, she don't know you. Streisand, they say she's desperately shy. I think when you've got $600million, take lessons on how not to be shy. If you've got $600million, say hello to everybody. They gave it to you." — Joan Rivers. [Daily Express]
• "Someone is going to take a tweezer to those brows, and I think her hair's going to change up a little bit. It's definitely time for her to sort of grow up a little bit. People are freaking out. There's a huge sort of battle, half the people are like, get them off! And other people are like, no! It's Betty! She's always going to be Betty, but yeah, the braces are gone, the brows are being trimmed, and she's going to get a little bit more of a swoop." — Ana Ortiz, aka Hilda on the upcoming changes on Ugly Betty. [NY Mag]
• "Being German, I had a pretty precise idea of what a German movie star would be like. But I've never been shot at in a film. Most of those scenes are actually quite funny to shoot. The blood is sticky, everything sticks to you and you're pretending to be in pain… I'm a big fan personally. Most actors are. All his movies are performance driven and he writes incredibly well for women. I loved Pam Grier in Jackie Brown." — Diane Kruger, on being in Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. [HuffPo]
• "Man, we got so beaten over the head for that! It's not like the four boys and I wrote it. You get hired to do it, they give you a script and you learn your lines. If I could have, I would have done the whole thing in German, with subtitles-everyone in dirndls and on swings and milking cows. Each nominee would have had to ride in on a big cow and milk it." — Heidi Klum, on hosting the Emmys last year. [E!]

P.S.



P.P.S.