Caption This: (L-R) Antonio Banderas, Jason Statham, Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes attend the German premiere of the film 'The Expendables 3' in Cologne, Germany.

Oh my gaaaaahhhhhd, nothing tangles my heartstrings like the crippling stage fright of Jonathan Knight! NOTHING. Listen. I'm not saying that I'm literally crying about Jon Knight's crippling stage fright, but I'm not not saying that I'm not crying. A little bit. Or something.

• Reportedly, John Mellencamp (nee Cougar) has "struck up a friendship" with the actress, who has apparently "dropped in" on his tour. Mellencamp and his supermodel wife of 18 years, Elaine Mellencamp (nee Irwin), just announced they're splitting up. Oooh!

The kid with the hair and that girl from that show your niece watches must be dating; they were seen together again. Speculating about the romantic lives of children is not weird at all!

• Lindsay Lohan wants a restraining order against a paparazzo who follows her everywhere and runs up to her car to scream at her whenever she stops. This behavior is indeed "psychotic," but how is he different from other paparazzi?

Apparently the photographer was trying to get shots of Julia and her kids. And that does not fly. You're liable to hear things like "You get the f*ck out of my face.. do you understand me?" For instance.

• In an interview with People, Christina Aguilera says of her new boyfriend Matthew Rutler, "there's a love there." However, she insists they didn't start dating until she filed for divorce six weeks ago.

Malin Ackerman, who sort of looks familiar, kind of, a little, will replace Lohan in the Linda Lovelace biopic. I'm sure Dina is looking for someone to sue as we speak.

• Wesley Snipes has been trying to appeal his 2008 conviction for willful failure to pay his income taxes, but today a judge ordered him to surrender to authorities and immediately begin serving a three-year sentence.

• Lindsay Lohan has hired famed attorney Robert Shapiro to represent her, but it doesn't look like Shapiro is interested in getting Lohan out of her jail time:

• This morning, Radar posted a photo which was purportedly taken hours after Mel Gibson punched Oksana Grigorieva in the mouth. However, her dentist says the photo has been doctored, casting doubt onto her abuse claims.

• Lindsay Lohan will finally have to answer for her behavior on that wacky night in 2007 when she stole a car, ran over a guy's foot, and was arrested with a baggie of coke in her pocket (allegedly, natch).

• Alicia Keys is pregnant with her first child, and engaged to marry producer Swizz Beatz.

• After the Oscars, Madonna hosted a party at her manager Guy Oseary's house with Demi Moore. A source says, "Madonna danced non-stop for four hours. She and Gabourey Sidibe were dancing together at one point. They had a great time."

• Helena Bonham Carter says of her relationship with Tim Burton:

Today in Tweet Beat, check out the girls of America's Next Top Model cycle 14. Also, Hailey Glassman makes fun of Jon Gosselin's penis size again, this time, with a picture. (Link NSFW and NSF souls!)

• Last night, one of the four buses in Miley Cyrus' tour caravan swerved off the road in Virginia and crashed. The driver was killed, and one other person was injured.

All different kinds of celebrities showed up at the Staples Center today to pay respects to the King of Pop. A gallery, after the jump.

• Guess who is going to have to face her abuser and testify? Rihanna: