Given the choice between thinking about politics and bashing themselves in the eye sockets with the prying end of a claw hammer, a large percentage of Americans would pick hammer.
As you may recall, Helen of Troy was super hot. Like, the hottest. She was the daughter of Leda, a human woman, and Zeus, a god who took the form of a swan to impregnate Leda. (???) Later, Helen was *hatched* from a bird's egg. Her face was the one that "launched a thousand ships," which is a metaphor for boners. Or…
Her name is Olivia Rose Espinal and she lives in Queens and she just might be the very first baby born this year! Hooray for babies! Way to come out at this real specific time, baby! You did it!!!