Everything I Fucked Up While Trying to Eat Like Gwyneth for a Week

If there's one thing I love, it's cheese-covered gluten. And if there are two things I love, they're cheese-covered gluten and making fun of lifestyle guru and noted Veela Gwyneth Paltrow. So when I came across a copy of Gwyneth's 2014 diet book It's All Good ("delicious, easy recipes that will make you look good and… » 6/27/14 2:10pm 6/27/14 2:10pm

Is Staying Thin Easy? It Doesn't Matter.

9 months ago, I weighed 167 and wore a 8/10 or size 29/30 jeans. 5 years earlier, back in 2008, I weighed 182 and I wore a 10/12 and a size 32 jeans... Now, I weigh 138, wear a size 2 or 26 in jeans. I am gobsmacked every single time I put on a pair of pants and that say "2" and they fit. The weight didn't come off…

» 6/20/14 11:46am 6/20/14 11:46am

Miss Indiana's 'Normal' Body Is Nowhere Near 'Normal'

On Sunday night, the utterly meaningless Miss USA pageant aired, and a soon-to-be-forgotten woman from Nevada won the title. But America's fickle fascination has been, for several successive minutes, fixated on a woman who didn't come close to making the final cut: Miss Indiana, a woman who audiences were relieved to… » 6/11/14 6:45pm 6/11/14 6:45pm

TMZ Mocks the Appearance of Two Pregnant Celebs in One Shitty Headline

TMZ posted photos of expectant mother JWoww, with a headline and copy that falsely identified her as rapper Lil' Kim. It was an attempt to insult the Jersey Shore star's face, as TMZ has previously—and viciously—mocked the appearance of Kim (who also happens to be pregnant), because they are garbage people. » 5/29/14 11:00am 5/29/14 11:00am

Diet Soda Makes You Thin! Says Questionable Study By Soda Companies

Good news: a new study conducted via science has shown that that Diet Coke and other similar artificially flavored and colored bubbly beverages can actually help people lose weight! Bad news: the study was completely and 100% funded by soda manufacturers. In comparable 1967 news: new study by Malboro shows that… » 5/27/14 3:00pm 5/27/14 3:00pm

The Biggest Loser Won't Show Fat People Kissing

The Biggest Loser has amassed millions of fans by forcing a bunch of very very overweight people to exercise until they puke, weighing them in front of everyone, and then repackaging their suffering as inspiration for a nation of other, similar very very overweight people. But it doesn't take many hours of Biggest… » 5/13/14 7:10pm 5/13/14 7:10pm

Charles Barkley Makes the Mistake of Calling San Antonio Women Ugly

During TNT's coverage of the NBA playoffs, cueball-headed flesh mountain Charles Barkley expressed some opinions on the physical attractiveness of San Antonio women that did not go over very well with actual San Antonio women. And so TNT sent out an Inside the NBA camera crew and a female commentator to gather what… » 5/08/14 8:30pm 5/08/14 8:30pm

My Body Is Undisciplined and I Deny Myself Nearly Everything I Desire

I watched the first few seasons of The Biggest Loser avidly. The show offered the ultimate fat girl fantasy—go to a "ranch" for a few months, and under the pressure of intense personal trainers, low caloric intake, the manipulations of reality show producers and the constant surveillance of television cameras, lose… » 4/10/14 4:00pm 4/10/14 4:00pm