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New York, 10:48 AM
Mon Dec 21
22 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #ween more →

    Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Aesop's Foibles. YES. Aesop's Foibles. YES.
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    Grandma: The good fairy gave the children all sorts of good things to eat!


    Little Janie: OMG Weiners with no skins!!1!!!


    Grandma: Janie. Are you telling me you *want* to get pregnant? You hardly know that boy! What if he's got a disease? Because that's what happens to girls who like wieners with no skins on them. Yes. They get pregnant and they get dirty diseases.


    Little Janie: ............??? I'm six, Grandma. I was talking about delicious frankfurters.


    Grandma: OH! Oh, right. Right. Frankfurters! Phew! I forgot and thought I was talking to your dirty slut of an older sister. She is a filthy, filthy girl. Just...Filthy. Ugh. In my day.......oh, well. Let's go have some cookies.


    FIN.

     Reply
    Aesop's Foibles. YES. was starred Aesop's Foibles. YES. was unstarred
    Image of willwriteforfood willwriteforfood
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    This is a candidate for James Lilek's Gallery of Regrettable Food. I've never seen food that...red. And shiny.
     Reply
    willwriteforfood was starred willwriteforfood was unstarred
    Image of wtfox?! wtfox?!
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    Banded - Boxed - Branded


    Lonely Island's "Dick in a Box," feat. Justin Timberlake, anyone?

     Reply
    wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred
    Image of alouette alouette
    06/24/09

    @wtfox?!: Sounds like the Daft Punk remix.
     Reply
    alouette was starred alouette was unstarred
    Image of oliveA oliveA
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    My grandma always plates her jello molds on a bed of lettuce and pineapple. In fact, she plates everything on a bed of lettuce and pineapple. I think I prefer it to the wiener fortress pictured.
     Reply
    oliveA was starred oliveA was unstarred
    Image of TheFormerJuneBronson TheFormerJuneBronson
    06/24/09

    @oliveA: That's a very 1920's presentation, so maybe she grew up with it? They were obsessed with pineapple and odd salads in the 1920's, canned pineapple and home refrigeration both being rather new on the scene, and very stylish as a result.
     Reply
    TheFormerJuneBronson was starred TheFormerJuneBronson was unstarred
    Image of hydrogen_jukebox hydrogen_jukebox
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    But..but how does it stay in weiner-form if there's no membrane to pack the meat bits into?!


    Witchcraft!

     Reply
    hydrogen_jukebox was starred hydrogen_jukebox was unstarred
    Image of BabyJane BabyJane
    06/24/09

    @hydrogen_jukebox: Goody Smith was seen with tubular pork products that hath no skin!
     Reply
    BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred
    Image of Aesop's Foibles. YES. Aesop's Foibles. YES.
    06/24/09

    @BabyJane: BURN HER!!!! God wills it!!! Only the Devil himself could unleash such a scourge, such a pox as this!!


    And lo, the Lord proclaimeth: Yea, verily, the swine products from which my people gain nourishment will be encased in.....in.....natural casings! Or I'll come down there and smite the shit out of all y'all!


    Sorry it's the end of the day and I'm getting punchy.

     Reply
    Aesop's Foibles. YES. was starred Aesop's Foibles. YES. was unstarred
    Image of oliveA oliveA
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    What, pray tell, is the anti-Pelagra vitamin?
     Reply
    oliveA was starred oliveA was unstarred
    Image of LaComtesse LaComtesse
    06/24/09

    @oliveA: Pellagra is a niacin (vitamin b3) deficiency resulting in diarhea, dementia, skin disease, and sometimes death. So I guess the ANTI-Pellagra vitamin would be B3.
     Reply
    LaComtesse was starred LaComtesse was unstarred
    Image of BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    "Poor little Jenny would go on to have an obsession with skinless wieners, screaming about vitamins every time she got to third base with a boy."
     Reply
    BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) was starred BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) was unstarred
    Image of BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    Why does old-timey food always look so disgusting?
     Reply
    BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) was starred BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) was unstarred
    Image of LaComtesse LaComtesse
    06/24/09

    @BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): It's B(J)C--Before Julia Child. That woman introduced gourmet to the mainstream: before that "fancy" was mini-pickles on toothpicks and jello with hot dogs.
     Reply
    LaComtesse was starred LaComtesse was unstarred
    Image of MeganGlass 就是一个古代的三明治 MeganGlass 就是一个古代的三明治
    06/24/09

    @BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): the oversaturated colors they used to use in food ads is a big part of it.
     Reply
    MeganGlass 就是一个古代的三明治 was starred MeganGlass 就是一个古代的三明治 was unstarred
    Image of BabyJane BabyJane
    06/24/09

    @BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): I'm going to start calling things that have been in my fridge too long, old-timey food. It's so much nicer than rotting.
     Reply
    BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred
    Image of wtfox?! wtfox?!
    06/24/09

    @BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): One of my most favorite things ever is my copy of James Lileks' Gastroanomalies. I also go by lileks.com because I am one of those people who is horribly, irresistibly intrigued by looking at food that looks like cat vomit-drenched flatworms.
     Reply
    wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred
    Image of NellMood NellMood
    06/24/09

    @BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): I think the heavy reliance on Jello for savory foods doesn't add to the appeal.
     Reply
    NellMood was starred NellMood was unstarred
    Image of TheFormerJuneBronson TheFormerJuneBronson
    06/24/09

    @wtfox?!: I have both of his food books. The run about Siz still cracks me up!
     Reply
    TheFormerJuneBronson was starred TheFormerJuneBronson was unstarred
    Image of wtfox?! wtfox?!
    06/24/09

    @TheFormerJuneBronson: I have to admit, the "Bran-Plus for Minus People" ([www.lileks.com]) makes me howl. My sides ache with mirth every time I read it.


    Let my jaunty step and upraised phallic cane show you just what bran can do for you!

     Reply
    wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred
    Image of TheFormerJuneBronson TheFormerJuneBronson
    06/25/09

    @wtfox?!: Makes one loaf. Of what?!!!
     Reply
    TheFormerJuneBronson was starred TheFormerJuneBronson was unstarred
    Image of sassyredhead sassyredhead
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    Are those mini Jell-O molds, topped with shredded cheese, surrounded by skinless weiners and cornered with black olives? Becuase if it is...I think I might vomit!
     Reply
    sassyredhead was starred sassyredhead was unstarred
    Image of LaComtesse LaComtesse
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    Grandma: So the good fairy gave the children all sorts of good things to eat...


    Little Girl: Weiners with no skins?!?!?!


    Grandma: Ummm... why is that the first thing you said? I mean, what made your mind go there first?

     Reply
    LaComtesse was starred LaComtesse was unstarred
    Image of prestocaro fears the culling prestocaro fears the culling
    06/24/09

    @LaComtesse: No way. Grannie's into it. Look at her face.
     Reply
    prestocaro fears the culling was starred prestocaro fears the culling was unstarred
    Image of LaComtesse LaComtesse
    06/24/09

    @prestocaro, now in stick figure form on BPT!: Yeah, but that's before her granddaughter went all Freudian on her. After that it was all


     Reply
    LaComtesse was starred LaComtesse was unstarred
    Image of shewar shewar
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    "Banded - Boxed - Branded" sounds like a way to describe sex with a smokin' hot lady.
     Reply
    shewar was starred shewar was unstarred
    Image of tscheese tscheese
    06/24/09

    @shewar got laid off, more time for jez: "Banded, Boxed, Branded" sounds like the wine that's in my fridge.
     Reply
    tscheese was starred tscheese was unstarred
    Image of save jinger save jinger
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    I think I know where the skin went:



    (I always refer to the reddish, overly-tanned skin of steroid users, etc. as "hot dog skin.")

     Reply
    save jinger was starred save jinger was unstarred
    Image of BabyJane BabyJane
    06/24/09

    @save jinger: Well he certainly acts like a wiener.


    Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. Try the veal!

     Reply
    BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred
    Image of Abra Abra
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    No dude I've ever met would approve of his weiner, skin or no, being branded.
     Reply
    Abra was starred Abra was unstarred
    Image of Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd) Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    I'm sorry, is that a plate of skinless weiners, black olives, Jello, and sauerkraut? I just want to know what it is I will be seeing in my nightmares tonight.
     Reply
    Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd) was starred Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd) was unstarred
    Image of save jinger save jinger
    06/24/09

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): Coleslaw-stuffed red peppers? Seriously, what are those???
     Reply
    save jinger was starred save jinger was unstarred
    Image of prestocaro fears the culling prestocaro fears the culling
    06/24/09

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): Is it Jello? I thought those were candied apples. For vitamins.
     Reply
    prestocaro fears the culling was starred prestocaro fears the culling was unstarred
    Image of sassyredhead sassyredhead
    06/24/09

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): Sauerkraut!!!! I saw shredded cheese. But basically we saw the same thing...(see below)
     Reply
    sassyredhead was starred sassyredhead was unstarred
    Image of BabyJane BabyJane
    06/24/09

    @save jinger: Tomato aspic with coleslaw? Whatever it is, I don't want it.
     Reply
    BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred
    Image of sympathyforthebasementcat sympathyforthebasementcat
    06/24/09

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): Hotdogs, candied apples, coconut and blueberries? Hotdogs, meatballs in tomato sauce, parmesan cheese and dog noses? What is this?
     Reply
    sympathyforthebasementcat was starred sympathyforthebasementcat was unstarred
    Image of hydrogen_jukebox hydrogen_jukebox
    06/24/09

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I'm thinking spaghetti. Urgh.
     Reply
    hydrogen_jukebox was starred hydrogen_jukebox was unstarred
    Image of wtfox?! wtfox?!
    06/24/09

    @Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I thought it was skinless weiners, black olives, and alien tumors stuffed with shredded snakeskin.
     Reply
    wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred
    Image of BabyJane BabyJane
    06/24/09

    @wtfox?!:

    Alien tumors - It's what's for dinner.
     Reply
    BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred
    Image of save jinger save jinger
    06/24/09

    @sympathyforthebasementcat: Definitely dog noses. I think I found the culprit:


     Reply
    save jinger was starred save jinger was unstarred
    Image of save jinger save jinger
    06/24/09

    In reply to Insert Your Own Circumcision Joke
    They skin the poor little hot dogs??!! Why, that's barbaric, I say!
     Reply
    save jinger was starred save jinger was unstarred
    Image of Abra Abra
    06/24/09

    @save jinger: Someone call PETA. I'd rather go naked than wear hot dog skins.
     Reply
    Abra was starred Abra was unstarred
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