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New York, 9:11 AM
Thu Nov 26
64 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/23/09
I'm heading Up North for my first family Thanksgiving in several years. I DO NOT LIKE THESE EVENTS. My mother is insane, and I feel guilty for not liking her personally. There is obligation there, not a mother-daughter relationship. My father is stubborn, quick to anger, and downright infuriating. He insists lighting up in front of me even though I've asked him not to because it triggers my migraines. This is a man who suffers migraines so debilitating that he's knocked out for days. Last time I asked him -- you see me four times a year, and the cigarettes are more important? Do I have that right?
My sisters and th eir SOs are fine. They're good to see.
My brother is 34 and still lives at home. My parents keep paying for him, even thought he does little more than smoke pot in his boyhood bedroom all day. I was thrown out at 19 because I finally began doing what is normal and exhibiting signs of independence.
I will be seeing my father's fater and sisters -- people he hasn't spoken to in 25 years, and with whom I just re-united a few years ago. But I can't let the parents know I'm doing that, or they would probably not talk to me. I grew up without all my cousins, aunts, uncles, and the only grandfather I've ever known, because of some dumbass family fight that Dad refuses to end.
Then there's the family I re-united with on my MOTHER'S side -- a cousin who probablly been my best friend growing up. She loves books! Me too! She is learning disabled in spatial relationships! Me too! It's amazing the shit we have in common, 20 years later. That has to be a secret, too.
I feel like the ringmaster(mistress?) in a three-ring circus, who must keep attention off one circle while the action is in another.
Yeah, I know. Why bother? They're my parents.
Thank God for my husband.
I'm not sure what my point is.
11/23/09
panty raid on NBCee
11/23/09
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11/23/09
#tips
11/22/09
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11/23/09
all roseanne all the time.
11/23/09
11/22/09
11/22/09
Only two more cases to read, and then bed for me! Goodnight all, and may your Mondays be pain-free!
11/22/09
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11/22/09
Get some good sleep! Here's to a better tomorrow!
11/22/09
11/22/09
Hopefully he will go away for a very long time - but now that you know about the restraining order, you can tell that to the cops if he ever does come back.
I also second what was said earlier about bringing her cookies or something - she probably won't be able to take care of herself for a while (broken arm and emotions combined), and while I know from your posts on here that you're the type to do the right thing, I highly recommend bringing casserole or something like that, if you're comfortable cooking. Although cookies never hurt.
Basically... thanks. For doing the right thing.
11/23/09
11/22/09
I posted on here two weeks ago about whether I should tell this guy how I felt. Well, I did. The results were... not what I was hoping for.
I am sure, sure, that I love this man, and that we would be good for each other. I need a miracle, and I don't even believe in miracles.
What do I do?
11/22/09
11/23/09
I fucked up because I let my emotions get the better of me.
11/23/09
#tips
11/23/09
Emotions cannot get the better of you. To a certain extent your emotions are you. You didn't do anything wrong by falling in love with him. It happens. He didn't do anything wrong by not feeling the same way (dumb, maybe, but not wrong). By telling him and being proactive you saved yourself 10 times this trouble and pain down the road. I know it's weak consolation, but I can't tell you how many people I know who wished they had had this conversation at month three instead of month 12, or year 2, or year 15.
You have been liberated. If he doesn't feel the same, it isn't his fault that he isn't at the enlightened and mature place you are. It is his loss, though. Now you know what the what is, and you can proceed knowing where you stand instead of questioning. You can find someone who is not only as enjoyable and awesome as this dude, but who is also in the appropriate emotional space-that is, the one you currently occupy--to have a grown up relationship with. I can't express how much I think shit like this is a symptom of extreme emotional maturity and sanity and self-awareness. Almost no one has this. Consider yourself lucky to be you. Your qualities are rare indeed, and very valuable.
Also eating smuckers hot fudge straight out of the jar can make the immediate pain go away a little. Or maybe that's just me.
11/23/09
Seriously. I can't tell you what an incredible perspective that is, to suddenly be exposed to. I'm honored that you ascribe those qualities to me - honored, and blushing, and very thankful for the strong women - like you- that continually make my life richer. Thank you.
I feel stronger already.
11/22/09
(by the way, I think that this should be a legitimate genre)
I can't decide between this:
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11/22/09
[www.youtube.com]
11/22/09
11/23/09
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11/22/09
The larger conversation was her belief that 99/100 men, given the opportunity will cheat and no woman should be surprised by that. In the past, she's also blamed cheating guys on girlfriends who believe their boyfriend when they say a woman is just a friend. Sometimes I'm really surprised by the low standards other women set for men.
11/22/09
My boyfriend would never cheat on me. And if he did, I'd dump him. Maybe it's because my mom cheated on my dad and it kind of ruined my family, but I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to cheating.
11/22/09
[www.zazzle.com]
11/22/09
11/22/09
@HM: I know!
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11/22/09
Like Braveheart, and The Princess Bride. You feel like you owe it to the movie to keep watching.
11/22/09
11/22/09
*sob*
11/23/09
11/22/09
When I was talking about my dislike for Thanksgiving/my extended family, I completely forgot something major that's happening:
I'm seeing my cousin for the first time in two years. He's only a year older than me and spent the last year and a half in rehab for cocaine problems and two drug charges related to marijuana possession. I'll try to summarize what I mentioned before I accidentally deleted it.
1) We've never gotten along with each other. Ever. I'm the youngest out of my cousins (excluding the nieces and nephews from my parents' age differences with their siblings) and up until he went away, he made my life a living hell. For example, he always had these huge, gaudy birthday parties which I was never invited to but my other cousins were. His sixteenth birthday party in particular was huge and had almost all of the family there excluding mine (my grandparents went and I didn't). We used to be a close knit bunch but my adolescence has proved to me that I'm the black sheep of the family. (I should also include that my parents are extremely close with his despite everything). He also called me a "loser that [he] wouldn't be caught dead with" once in front of my entire extended family.
2) The last time he visited me, he stole multiple items from my house including my newly purchased iPhone (I know, it's sillly but unlike his parents, my parents make me earn money for the things I want). I also caught him receiving a blowjob from a girl that I had introduced to him (they were both high out of their minds and were doing lines of coke on my basement coffee table while our parents were away and had left me in charge).
3) I basically turned him after my parents found empty liquor bottles stashed in the bushes and a small bag of cocaine under my bed (he was staying in a guest room so I had a very hard time trying to prove my innocence to parents).
Anyway, I'm seeing him on Thursday and I don't know quite how to feel. I've only received updates and haven't even spoken with him (and my aunt had told my mother that he'd eventually have to apologize to me as part of his rehabilitation program but this never happened). The worst thing is that some of my male cousins (same age as me) still hate me for ratting me out (although I saw them all this summer and last, their loyalties still lie with him). I'm uncomfortable about all of this and obviously I hope he's changed for the better. Obviously this whole thing must be incredibly uncomfortable for him too but I'm already the black sheep of the grandchildren and don't perform too well at these types of things.
11/22/09
11/22/09
11/22/09
One of my older brothers used to be heavy into drugs and ended up flunking out of Boston University, but he's super charming and fooled everyone into thinking he was just dandy. He's since cleaned up and is now a slick yuppie. My extended family on my mom's side can be a little snobby and conservative, but it's nothing more than mild wasp problems. So, my Thanksgivings are mostly pleasant and only a little stressful.
11/22/09
11/22/09
@scarletbegonia: When you say "mild wasp problems" I am picturing, like...a hornet infestation in your living room, or something. I think I should go to sleep soon.
11/22/09
I think I'm a more specific type of black sheep. When it comes to my extended family (I love my immediate family, by the way) I just strongly dislike all of them individually. For starters, they love to hide any problems (they're the ultimate definition of WASPs btw) and put up a pleasant facade in place. They're also ultra-conservative, obnoxious snobs who flaunt everything in less obvious ways (they're champs at backdoor compliments). They also love anything that's competitive. To them, life is a competition and they love to let you know that. For instance, even though I'm smarter than my cousins, whenever I bring up school or education they (and their parents) will start talking about how different private school is and how much they love sports. They're just ridiculous and I find no reason to associate with them. They are not very warm towards me, but that's probably my fault. When it comes to them, I put myself out there as little as possible and try to stay silent. They all adore my sister even though she claims to dislike them even more than I do (which I think is very telling because she puts up an artificial facade just like them).
My dad (this has all been about my mom's side) doesn't get along with them either. Ever since I was 12, we've just referred to them as "The WASP infestation"
11/22/09
11/23/09
Is the whole whanau coming to your house for TG? It might be easier to avoid him if so, otherwise this is gonna be one of those bite-yr-tongue-and-smile occasions. And, of course, volunteer to help with stuff, or whatever- anything that you can do to cut down yr time spent with him.
Essentially, he was a dick in the past but he just came out of rehab, so while you don't have to make things easier for him, it'd be kind of dickish of you to make things harder. Sucky, but true.
11/22/09
=(
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They were, however, just as delicious as I remembered.
11/22/09
11/23/09
11/23/09
damn that sabbath!
11/23/09
11/22/09
I also found out last week that I have a pretty severe vitamin D deficiency (I have chronic kidney failure, so I guess my kidneys aren't converting inactive vitamin D to active vitamin D my body can use). My doctor told me to start taking a supplement, and I feel 100 x better than I have felt in years. I feel energetic and am able to accomplish so much more. The funny thing is, I have no insurance and have been going to a free clinic. The doctor at the free clinic was willing to do blood tests to get to the bottom of my issues, while all the specialists I saw when I had insurance never even thought to check my vitamin levels.
11/22/09
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11/22/09
I don't know. I've been watching some old Family Guys and I was coming back around to the show a little bit. But this seemed unnecessarily tasteless. I don't get this show. They'll have a seriously funny joke followed by something unbelievably offensive.
11/22/09
11/22/09
It's not pushing the envelope to make misogynistic "jokes" and then follow it up with party humor. I don't care if Stewie is based on Rex Harrison.
11/22/09
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