wedding - Jezebel

posts about #wedding more →
Women Protest "Government-Sponsored Dowry"
"There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
Wedding Waatch
What's So Weird About A Feminist Wedding?
Gisele, Tom, & Pups Tie The Knot In High Fashion

Britney Spears: "I Feel Like An Old Person Now"
Hello Kitty Wedding Gowns: For The Child(ish) Bride
Single Chick Hopes To Score Hubby With Super Bowl Personal Ad
Britney Wins MTV Award For Just Showing Up, Not Tripping

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

moringa_march
08/10/09

In reply to Women Protest "Government-Sponsored Dowry"
I was in Nepal just about a year ago, and it was staggering how pervasive the societal expectations for women are. Interesting, too, because as globalization brings "modernity" into a very traditional country, young women are seeing the sexualized MTV images and seemed to me to be teetering between maintaining their traditional roles and trying to fit a new "urban" lifestyle that is taking root.
Though I will keep my judgments of the MTV effect to myself, the upside of the changes that are taking place certainly comes in the form of Nepalese women advocating for their rights. There are some incredibly strong women over there who are fighting centuries old traditions in order to better themselves and others. Pretty amazing!!
Reply

wtfox?! promoted this comment moringa_march was starred moringa_march was unstarred

wtfox?!
08/10/09

In reply to Women Protest "Government-Sponsored Dowry"
Widows are considered "impure" and "evil," while women who choose to lead single lives are looked upon suspiciously.
The 10-year Maoist insurgency that cost the country more than 13,000 lives produced thousands of widows.
And once again, women and their reputations have to pay the consequences for what a bunch of assholes with guns did. Tradition, what can't it do?
Reply

wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred

NefariousNewt
08/10/09

In reply to Women Protest "Government-Sponsored Dowry"
[Lily] Thapa says marriage is not the solution to the problems of single women.

Amen.
Reply

NefariousNewt was starred NefariousNewt was unstarred

AuntieBee
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
I could be with a porn star, if I loved him. I don't like that he lied, but I don't know enough to get all sanctimonious. What do we know about her? Is she the type of woman who would have dumped his ass for doing it at all, whether or not he was honest? How did the lie build? Was he already doing porn when they met (yes) and he couldn't just tell her outright because hello first date conversation killer and then it was too long and he hadn't said anything and now would be uncovering a big deception that would hurt her?

Am I the only reader here who's hurt someone they loved, mostly unintentionally? Who's lied? It's not something to be proud of, but I'm not going say I'm perfect.
Reply

AuntieBee was starred AuntieBee was unstarred

inabook
06/16/09

@AuntieBee: Lying is one thing, cheating is something different. Lying is bad, but lying about the fact that you are currently having sex with other people, which puts her health at risk, and which is to many people an intimate act? He cheated on her. Just... in a very unusual way.
Reply

inabook was starred inabook was unstarred

sequined
06/16/09

@AuntieBee: No, I agree. I've totally hurt a partner and I feel bad for him. I've done stupid shit and not admitted to certain things.

However. I think that's a difficult conversation they should have had before planning a wedding and agreeing to spend their lives together. Marriages should be based on trust, even when it's hard (maybe especially when it's hard).
Reply

sequined was starred sequined was unstarred

KainTheGreat is a Spy!
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
If he had stopped before they started met, I feel bad for him. That's probably going to be something difficult to share, even though he should have. If he was doing it while they were dating, no sympathy for him.
Reply

sequined
06/16/09

@KainTheGreat: He still should have told her before they planned a wedding. That's something that makes him a semi-public entity, and she deserves to find out about that from him, not her friend calling from the porn rental store.
Reply

sequined was starred sequined was unstarred

schlegs84
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
I wish I was more evolved but this would bother me. Maybe not call off the wedding bother me... but I would have a hard time with it.
Reply

schlegs84 was starred schlegs84 was unstarred

Brigit
06/16/09

@schlegs84 thinks John Galt can suck it.: Personally, it would have been a screw you, relationship's over, GTFO my life situation. But I don't trust easily and as soon as someone breaks my trust I'm done with them for life. Doesn't even have to be a romantic relationship.
Reply

Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred

Hana Maru
06/16/09

@schlegs84 thinks John Galt can suck it.: Well he hid a great big thing from her. You don't have to be old fashioned to object to dishonesty going into a marriage.
Reply

Hana Maru was starred Hana Maru was unstarred

Lexican
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
1.) He lied
2.) He cheated (even though he said he was only acting...really??)

end of story.
Reply

Lexican was starred Lexican was unstarred

Brigit
06/16/09

@Lexican: Pretty much with ya'.

There are plenty of good women that would have no problem with him being involved in sex work. However, he didn't tell her anything about his line of work, making it kinda obvious that he thought she wasn't one of them. Yet knowing it was probable she would not like his work and would be hurt by it he continued the relationship and his work almost up to the altar?!
Reply

Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred

telecomic the thoughtful red panda
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
I think it goes without saying, but as the US Adult industry is having yet-another HIV/AIDS scare, it would do Haylie well to get tested immediately, and often. Just in case.

I gotta wonder if the friend Lisa just happened to recognize Jason from his work.

Haylie: "Hey Lisa, meet my new boyfriend Jason."
Lisa: "We've met, actually?"
Jason: "We have?"
Lisa: "Yeah, you were Assama bin Layin in 'Weapons of Ass Destruction, Volume 4,' right?"
Reply

Glitterbug (likes life shaken, not stirred)
06/16/09

@telecomic the thoughtful red panda: Wrong on so many levels, but I just laughed so hard I choked!
Reply

andBegorrah
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
"He drank hot chocolate out of a girl's asshole! I mean, really."
Reply

andBegorrah was starred andBegorrah was unstarred

NefariousNewt
06/16/09

@andBegorrah: I mean if it was a latte...
Reply

NefariousNewt was starred NefariousNewt was unstarred

Gingerlime
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
He was basically cheating on her for the entire relationship. I would have dumped him too.
Reply

Gingerlime was starred Gingerlime was unstarred

SylvanSylph
06/16/09

@Gingerlime: Basically? I would say that is EXACTLY what he was doing.
Reply

SylvanSylph was starred SylvanSylph was unstarred

tomatoheart
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
folks if you're dating a "personal trainer" or a "massage therapist" and you've never been to their workplace or you're not exactly sure how your partner makes their money -- you might want to delve a little deeper.
Reply

tomatoheart was starred tomatoheart was unstarred

Glitterbug (likes life shaken, not stirred)
06/16/09

@tomatoheart: Even if they're not personal trainers or massage therapists, not knowing how your partner makes their money is just asking for trouble! (Ask Anne Hathaway...)
Reply

Santos L Halper
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
"Hi, honey."

"Hi, babe. How was work? Wait...why are you so greasy? And why do you smell of sweat?"

"Uhh...car trouble. Um, WD-40 solved the problem, ya know."

"Oh. Okay. I know mechanics always leaves you with a half-erection, sort of like the one you have now."

"Um, yep. Mechanics. (yawns) Well, I'm off to hit the hay."

"Okay, hon. You're not up for, you know, our special time, are you?"

"Nope. Not at all. Night."
Reply

Santos L Halper was starred Santos L Halper was unstarred

Hana Maru
06/16/09

@Santos L Halper: sweat and HOT CHOCOLATE!
Reply

Hana Maru was starred Hana Maru was unstarred

Brigit
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
Um. If they were in a closed relationship and he continued to do sex work without telling her, it was a pretty fucking big violation of her trust.
Reply

Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred

tomatoheart
06/16/09

@Brigit: I agree, but the article isn't clear about those details unless i'm missing something
Reply

tomatoheart was starred tomatoheart was unstarred

Katxyz
06/16/09

@tomatoheart:

He's quoted as saying he would've stopped if she asked, and the article also says he would go away for weekends and tell her he was training clients.
Reply

Katxyz was starred Katxyz was unstarred

Ginmar Rienne
06/16/09

@Brigit: I hope they were using protection. That's something else, too. There was as big scare in American porn when an actress recently test HIV positive.
Reply

Ginmar Rienne was starred Ginmar Rienne was unstarred

sequined
06/16/09

@Brigit: I think having any job of any kind you keep secret from your fiance is a pretty fucking bit violation of trust.
Reply

sequined was starred sequined was unstarred

Hana Maru
06/16/09

@Katxyz: OMG, "Honey, are you a secret porn star?" "I thought you'd never ask!"
Reply

Hana Maru was starred Hana Maru was unstarred

Hana Maru
06/16/09

@Ginmar Rienne: Yeah, that's the scariest thing, so much unsafe stuff in porn.
Reply

Hana Maru was starred Hana Maru was unstarred

oh.geez.
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
Is the problem that he had sex on camera (so other people can see it)? Or is it that he did sex work? It would make me uncomfortable, to a degree, but I'm not even sure why. There are millions of people in relationships who've had more sex with more partners than anybody working in porn (there's just no film footage for proof), so is this just concern about appearances on the part of the bride, or what?
I'm just trying to figure out her thoughts, as well as my own.
Reply

oh.geez. was starred oh.geez. was unstarred

Kiran59
06/16/09

@oh.geez.: Well he never told her, and from what he said he was still doing it and just never telling her. So thats a big trust issue. If your fiance is hiding that from.

It also might be again if hes still doing it might just be an issue of "my fiance is having sex with other women and thats not cool".

Finally, not all people are comfortable with sex work.
Reply

Kiran59 was starred Kiran59 was unstarred

greengrey
06/16/09

@oh.geez.: I was about to ask the same thing. It would make me uncomfortable as well, but I've slept with men who have had MANY (and I mean many) partners and it didn't bother me. Hm, I guess it's because porn they were paid to have the sex? The sex wasn't done because they really wanted to (it was their job)?
Reply

greengrey was starred greengrey was unstarred

oh.geez.
06/16/09

@Kiran59: Holy hell, I missed the "still doing it" part. That would be a dealbreaker for me.
Reply

oh.geez. was starred oh.geez. was unstarred

Kali Mama
06/16/09

@oh.geez.: Also, what's defined by "just sex". Are we talking corny keyboard music themed handyman bopping the lady of the manor porn, or are we talking throatfucking gonzo shit?
Reply

Kali Mama was starred Kali Mama was unstarred

CollegeCamel
06/16/09

@oh.geez.: That's a dealbreaker, ladies!
Reply

CollegeCamel was starred CollegeCamel was unstarred

colormeroutine
06/16/09

@greengrey (raidersofthelostSTAR): There's also a difference between abstractly knowing your partner had sex with a while lot of people and being able to watch them doing so. Or have friends and family watch them doing so. I wouldn't care about nude pics but actual video taped sex would be a disaster, I'm far too nosy to be able to resist the urge to satisfy my own curiosity by watching it
Reply

colormeroutine was starred colormeroutine was unstarred

EsmereldaFitzmonster
06/16/09

@CollegeCamel: I wish I could double friend you for that!
Reply

sequined
06/16/09

@oh.geez.: I suspect there are aspects of both of those as well as the dishonesty involved. It sounds like, based on the literally two sentences I read about her, that she would be ashamed that people would know what her husband did for a living.
Reply

sequined was starred sequined was unstarred

laetitiae
06/16/09

In reply to "There Was No Way I Could Marry An Adult Film Star"
From the article: "He said: "The sex side is purely for the camera, but Haylie did not understand I was only acting.

"I am sorry and did not want to hurt her. I still love Haylie and would have stopped doing porn if she had asked me to.""

Step one: tell her.

Step two: stop doing porn if she asks you to.
Reply

laetitiae was starred laetitiae was unstarred

BeckySharper
06/16/09

@laetitiae: The whole "I'd have stopped doing it if she asked me to" pretty much answers the question of why he didn't tell her in the first place, doesn't it?
Reply

BeckySharper was starred BeckySharper was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment