Oprah went into her own "hair history."


Chris insists that men don't give a shit about hair, and that women put themselves through the torture of weaves and relaxers for the benefit of other women.


Solange Knowles—who recently chopped off her own hair after being fed up with upkeep—stopped by to discuss her feelings on the matter.

OK, first of all, this:

Tyra came out with her natural hair completely wet.

And she had audience members come up and touch it.

The lesson here was: "Wigs and weaves are options, not something that you need."

Then she got a blowout and had it styled, and continued on with the show.

Perez came out.

I know, right? For real:

(That's cereal milk on his chin, BTW.)

Tyra referred to him as "The King of Blogging," even though she told him, "I'm not very familiar with your site…" Bull. Fucking. Shit.

That post was the seed that her manure developed into the tree of knowledge that is "Kiss my fat ass!"

She even knows his nicknames for her.

Tyra tried to get Perez to admit that he'd been teased as a child and that's why he grew up to be such an angry asshole. He wouldn't though. Then she tried to strike a deal with him. She asked him to not make fun of the underage children of celebrities for one year. He refused.

Then she knocked it down to three months, but he wanted an "out clause."

Then they agreed that he would only post "newsy" content about celebrities' children, and he'd leave opinion out of it. He would have to do this for three months, and if he followed through, he would get to appear on a future episode of ANTM.

It would seem that he didn't stick to the deal. It's kind of a relief though, that he won't be appearing on Top Model, though.

Coming up this season on Tyra:

Holla for clip-ins!

Straightening hair has been perceived as a way to be more acceptable to certain relatives, as well as to the white establishment…

In the face of cultural pressure, the thinking goes, conformists relax their hair, and rebels have the courage not to. In some corners, relaxing one's hair is even seen as wishing to be white.

We've covered this issue many times, as has the Times, and the discussion is ongoing. Frankly, the debate does get tiring. Saint Louis writes that many people of color ask: "Why can't hair just be hair? Must an Afro peg a woman as the political heir to Angela Davis? Is a fashionista who replicates the first lady's clean-cut bob really being untrue to herself?"

But a quote from Noliwe M. Rooks, the associate director of the Center for African American Studies at Princeton, struck me as as close as we're going to get to an answer. She was asked about what it meant when the hair of Sasha and Malia Obama was sometimes pressed straight, and said: "There's a complexity to who we are now. There wasn't an easy answer to why."

Black Hair, Still Tangled in Politics [NY Times]

Earlier: Weaves, Extensions & "Creamy Crack": Chris Rock's Good Hair Trailer
Chris Rock's New Documentary Explores "Good" Hair
Solange Chops Hair, Is Called "Insane"
The Flesh-Eating Phonies Also Known As Lace-Front Wigs
Why Is Straight Hair The Epitome Of 'Style'?

I have no idea what it's like to have hair that's considered difficult to manage (aside from flatness), but it was easy to empathize with the little girls on this show because, as women, most of us are subjected to the idea that we're not measuring up to certain standards of beauty, whatever they may be. And while I could understand Tyra's outrage over a mother who chemically relaxes her 3-year-old daughter's hair, TyTy's stance on the hair issue was confusing, since she's just about the weaviest person on the planet; in fact, she regularly gives white women weaves on America's Next Top Model.

• A 31-year-old Iranian, blind from an acid attack by a spurned suitor, is demanding that the judge follow the ancient tradition of "eye for an eye" punishment and blind her attacker. • Bollywood-style dance classes, which mix traditional Indian folk dances with hip-hop moves, are a growing trend in fitness. • Virgin has instituted a "kissing ban" at one of their U.K. train stations because they believe that kissing couples were delaying trains. The introduction of a "kissing zone" outside the station really saps all the romance out of a goodbye kiss. • European medicine watchdogs have concluded that the HPV vaccine Gardasil did not cause seizures and loss of consciousness in two Spanish girls who had just been vaccinated. • New research indicates that physical activity improves the quality of life in postmenopausal women. The study found that women reported better mental health even if they did not lose weight. • This month's E-Poll indicates that women are most likely to make an effort to watch daytime dramas, but they would really miss Judge Judy if her show were to be canceled. • A Valentine's Day Craigslist ad in Texas has been revealed as a prank. The ad, which offered sexual favors to men, showed a photo of a woman named "Jennifer" and promised that she would "moan like Shamu." • UMen, a Middle Eastern men's magazine, recently ran a feature titled "Reasons Why Women Can't Drive." The list of "reasons" included: women have dogs in the front seat (??), and women "lack the driving gene." • Paula Oliveira, the Brazilian woman who was allegedly attacked by Swiss skinheads, has confessed that the entire story was an elaborate lie, complete with self-mutilation. • Doctors hope that a new device, implanted under the skin near the collar bone, will help sufferers of chronic obsessive compulsive disorder by sending pulses of electricity to the brain. • A 20-year-old Kansas City woman was explaining that she no longer loved her ex-boyfriend, only to be interrupted by gunshots. She was unharmed, but police later found the bullet, shot by her ex-boyfriend, tangled in her weave. • China's economic slump has lead many professional Chinese women to seek jobs as maids and nannies. • This Friday will mark the first time women are allowed to compete in ski jumping in the Nordic skiing World Championship. Athletes hope that the Olympic committee will also open the sport to women. •

Here's that Agyness Deyn-ish one. She's a total dorkus malorkus.

This Saleisha/Solange one hopes that she stays around long enough to get a new weave.

I think I'm gonna love Sheena from Harlem. She "brung it," and she "don't fit in into the regular society."

You can watch more clips and interviews here.

Meet the ANTM Cycle 11 "Models" [ONTD]

Click on thumbnails to view clips:

Jezebel Crashes The Tyra Show's Vaginas Episode
Three Jezebel editors (Moe, Jennifer and I) tried to go see Tyra's interview with Barack Obama, but instead we ended up as part of the studio audience for her "Vagina Dialogues" episode, in which we watched a woman use a vagina puppet to explain that we have two holes down there! Who knew?

103-Year-Old Woman Tugs At Tyra's Weave
Hands down, my absolute favorite episode of Tyra, if only because one of the old ladies, a Holocaust survivor, tells Tyra that she's never seen anything like, well, Tyra. But it's also great because Tyra fiercely models an afghan one of the women gave her.

Mary J. Blige Dishes On PMS, Brazilian Waxes, & Her Mile High Club Membership On Tyra
This was a great interview, not so much because of TB, but because of how awesome Mary is.

Tyra's "Bodyville" Is More Like "Camel Toe City"
Tyra's "social experiment" about body image was a big, fat mess.

Who's More Sane: Tyra Banks Or Janet Jackson?
Tyra talked about Janet's big ass, danced like a maniac, and manhandled the pop star.

Tyra: "Chinese Face, No S-E-X Talk"
Best mother-daughter sex talk evs.

Seriously, how long do you think he spent in hair and makeup before this was shot?

Related: What It Costs To Create A Child Star [TheStreet]

OK, just two more things really. LOL on the nips:

And LOL on the acne:

[Image from The View, January 23.]

• It goes without saying that the biggest news of the week was Jamie Lynn Spears' underage spermination.
  
• But she's not the only one! Fantasia and Lily Allen are also up the stick.
  
• Stars are also pregnant with hair. A look back at the year in weaves.
  
• In other news, ur-douche Paul Janka did not date rape Moe. Imagine that!
  
• But if he had, British politician John Redwood probs would have let him go, but not without a stern talking-to. Because it wasn't stranger rape or anything.
  
• The beauty and fashion industries are still trying to sell us a lot of whitewashed models and junk science.
  
• But it's the holidays, bitches! So go fall into an egg nog coma whilst watching the Spice Girls, you fucking dykes!

Look, Saleisha got her first post ANTM gig, courtesy of The View:

JK, but Joanie, the runner up of Cycle 6 really did find work as a wig model, after ANTM.

This year, Barbara didn't stray from her normal 'do; that's very Ken circa Barbie and the Rockers.

And given that the other ladies on the panel are just as static with their styles, it's kinda awesome that we get to see Sherri's parade of wigs each week. In the spirit of the holidays, and the giving season, I'd like to give this to all of you. Happy Holidays!

So Tyra sent the lucky participants of her makeover episode a cake to tell them the good news.

It's like, "I'm gonna tell you how to dress. Eat me." And we all know the drill at this point. Everyone gets a weave. So I'm just gonna give everyone else Tyra's weave. Just 'cause.

With Sherri and Whoopi on The View all week now, I'm really missing face time with this one:

I think the Whoopster is a doing a swell job and all, but she's too even-keeled and sensible. And she doesn't have that same quality as B.Dubs, where everything that comes out of her mouth is magical. For example, the word "sperm" suddenly is "spuhhm." And don't even get me started on how she pronounces mermaids.

Speaking of faces, this is what Sean Penn's looks like now:

He was on Oprah discussing a new movie he directed called Into the Wild, the true story of that hippie retard who decides to live in an Alaskan forest with no map or food, and duh, dies of starvation. The hippie retard is played by Emile Hirsch, whom I've been crushing since Lords of Dogtown, but who wasn't looking particularly appealing for this appearance. Also, he was talking about getting spa treatments. What do you guys thing: Gay or Nay?

Ooh, also Jenny McCarthy was on Oprah this week discussing her son's autism. She's really engaging. And while we're on the topic of engaging, I know it's been rumored, but is she engaged to Jim Carrey? That ring is on her left hand:

OK, now back to faces. I'm so happy to look at Tyra's everyday. What I'm not happy about is her vagina arms.

Something tells me that TyTy's armpit vaginas are not an accurate reflection of her operating vagina. So you know what that means: Makeover! And you know what a makeover means: Hair weaves!

[New York, September 6. Image via Splash]