Oh yes, they did. They have considered, they have weighed, and they have spoken. l'Osservatore Romano's article, "The Washing Machine and the Liberation of Women - Put in the Detergent, Close the Lid and Relax" runs through the history of washing - from washboard to laundromat - to show how far we've coming in breaking the laundry glass ceiling. We're not quite sure why the Vatican felt compelled to weigh in on the issue, and we're not exactly shocked that they don't feel like applauding birth control, but really? Not even the tampon?

Now, don't get us wrong: the washing machine was indeed a huge breakthrough for humankind. In the old days, laundry and housework did indeed make a woman a slave to the house, and mod cons like the washing machine revolutionized a housewife's work day. Take this vintage Whirlpool ad which Hortense mentioned this weekend: we may laugh, but to prior generations, liberation from the wash kettle was a real blessing. Of course, plenty of the women who could afford these early appliances were probably the same ones who a generation earlier would have had hired help, so the gains are not so straightforward as Whirlpool and the Vatican may imply; but yeah, it was A Good Thing. The Best Thing? Well...

We're sure l'Osservatore Romano considered the question of women's lib seriously, but we can't bow to a single authority: we never make any determination about feminism without consulting that authority on enlightened womanhood, the Daily Mail. That paper's contributors dispute that the washing machine was the most freeing thing to women in the history of the world. Rather, it's disposable diapers, wet wipes, freezers, and Chardonnay. (Hey! They forgot Manolos!_

We hate to flout a higher power, but we must: the washing machine, the most liberating invention in the history of the world? Please. The Vatican has made a serious error, and we can't let that stand. Whatever the washing machine's benefits to womankind, we think other factors have been more crucial in advancing us as a sex, bringing us liberation and equality, sexual freedom and physical health. In the last century, we've advanced in innumerable ways and fought against incredible obstacles. What has allowed that to happen? There is an answer. And the answer is obviously... the dishwasher.

Vatican Paper: Washing Machine Liberated Women Most [Reuters]
The Washing Machine 'Liberated Women' [Independent]
Revealed: The Six Inventions That Freed Women, From Disposable Nappies To Wet Wipes And Wine [Daily Mail]

Earlier: Vintage Whirlpool Ad: Nothing Says "Liberation" Like A Woman's Right To Do The Laundry

1.) Electric Toothbrush The first time I ever turned on my electric toothbrush I had an almost Pavlovian response to that familiar buzzing sound, and my vagina began to drool, but I'd never bothered to try it out... until the other day. I removed the bristle head, and placed the vibrating metal stem onto my outer lips (I was too scared to put it right on my clit, since it looked like it could be a little sharp). The problem with this is that without the head on the toothbrush, the stem is way too thin to really do anything substantial. Of course, some sex toy shops sell attachments designed specifically for such an occasion, but not all of us have the foresight to do something like that. Necessity is the mother of invention, so I grabbed some toilet paper and rapped it around the stem to form sufficient padding, and that did the trick. Sure it didn't hold a candle to my Magic Wand, but it lit me up anyway.

2.) Cell Phone Okay, so I've actually tried using my phone on vibrate to get off many a (drunken) time before, but it was always an exercise in futility. However, for those of you who have an iPhone, you may have heard about iBrate, an application you can download that can actually turn your iPhone into a vibrator. It's still sort of a lame substitute, since the vibe is a little to soft and steady for my liking (i can haz pulsing, pleeeze?), but at least it can get you to a certain level of excitement and then your hands and arms can come in and finish you off.

3.) Neutrogena Wave When I first saw the commercial for the Neutrogena Wave — a "power cleanser" for your face — I was like, "That's a straight-up vibrator." Unfortunately, I didn't have one of these bad boys while on vacation, but I obtained one since, and have been testing it out today, and dude, it's a straight-up vibrator. It's just as good as any silver bullet vibe, but it's quieter. Also, on the box, it says "penetrates deeper." Heh heh.

4.) Bath Tub Faucet Everyone is always going on about detatchable shower heads, and they're great and all, but they're the sort of luxury item for people who frequent Brookstone or Restoration Hardware. I'm all about the bathtub faucet, because it has a powerful gush of water, and the crappier your apartment, the more unsteady (thus exciting!), the flow can be. I actually picked this up at a really young age because I heard it being talked about on Married With Children.

5.) Washing Machine It's a little clichéd, but honestly, an unbalanced washing machine on the spin cycle is just about the best ride you can take on a hunk of metal that doesn't have wheels. If you really want it to be fun, throw some sneakers in there, or place a large load of heavy towels or maybe some pillows in, but only on one side.