LATOYA: Where do you want to start this morning? We've got a piping hot plate of hot mess to go through.

MEGAN: Well, being as this is a women's blog, we should do something woman-y, and I nominate the news that the McCain campaign spent $110,000 on hair and make-up for Sarah Palin in 10 weeks and $180,000 on clothing and accessories for the Palin clan — which is $30,000 more than initially reported.

LATOYA: Oh, I forgot to tell you.

MEGAN: That, by the way, means they spent more on hair and make-up and clothing and accessories than my condo is worth.

LATOYA: I have personally instituted a ban on discussing anything to do with Palin. As far as I am concerned, she is irrelevant. If she manages a resurrection and comes back to haunt us in 2012, so be it.

MEGAN: What are you going to do when she opens up an exploratory committee in 2010?

LATOYA: But until then, I'd love to see her fade into obscurity. She should be remembered, fondly, like Ross Perot.

MEGAN: Ok, but can we discuss that kind of money?

LATOYA: Thanks for the memories of shout outs at VP debates, but you need to mosey along now. Take your folksy ways and return to the ice cave. I mean, we can discuss the money. But somehow, I can't muster up indignant outrage.

MEGAN: Like, I will guarantee that there's no way on God's green earth that I have spent $110,000 on hair and make-up in my lifetime, even though I've been highlighting my hair for about 6 years.

LATOYA: Maybe if I had bought that whole "salt of the earth, of the white people, heartland of real America" tripe they were selling. Homegirl was just an opportunist. Cindy McCain was rocking nice clothes — why shouldn't she?

MEGAN: Totally. Look, if RNC donors want to give me $180,000 in clothes, I will totally run for office as a Republican. They can even call me A Maverick over and over again because of my support of reproductive choice.

LATOYA: And it's obvious they had the money. If the first card maxed out and they let her keep going, I say get what you get. Credit Cards come with limits.

MEGAN: But Republican money never ends!

LATOYA: That's why they're Republicans. They're supposed to have money, want to keep money, spend their money the way they want, and tell the gov't to mind their damn business. That's what I expect from Republicans. It's comforting that way.

MEGAN: Yeah, I get that. So, moving on, want to talk about NOW and the Feminist Majority Foundation going metaphorical balls to the wall to promote Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy for Clinton's Senate seat?

LATOYA: Why not? Obviously, the dice are lucky.

MEGAN: Because I don't like the idea that a woman's seat ought to be filled by a woman, but McCarthy does have an established record on women's rights issues and is generally cool. But, mostly, I wish to continue pressing the point that Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is an unmitigated casual racist not deserving of elected office but certainly not deserving of an appointment to a lifetime Senate seat by David Paterson, the state's first African-American governor.

LATOYA: Hmm, well, I am not so sure about Cuomo. Then again, I'm only thinking about his record at HUD.

MEGAN: Well, then, there's a question. If you have a good record of doing decent things for the community as a whole while tossing around the phrase "shucking and jiving" in reference to an African-American candidate for the Presidency, followed by a steadfast insistence that it is actually not a racist term after the world notices that you said it, what should a politically active person do? Because I choose to call him a racist and think that he should go fuck himself.

LATOYA: Oh, I wasn't sure about the appointment, not your comment on casual racism. I think his HUD record proves he doesn't care about black people.

MEGAN: Then, yeah, fuck that guy.

LATOYA: But back to the original point, I understand what you're saying about not wanting to do this tit for tat seating thing. But I can understand where NOW is coming from, especially with the whispers of sexism around this bailout committee.

Frank credited the current resistance to doing more about foreclosures to ruffled male feathers. “I think part of the problem now is that, to be honest, Shelia Bair has annoyed the Old Boys Club.” He likened the situation to several regulators “up in the treehouse with a ‘No Girls Allowed’ sign.”

MEGAN: I know! I could not believe that shit when I heard it from Moe. I was like, wait, the new Democratic Treasury Secretary is mad about the (technically independent) FDIC chair telling Bush to go fuck himself while she's trying to save Real Americans?

LATOYA: Pretty much. Just call it the "Fuck that bitch" doctrine. She is showing people up so she has got to go.

MEGAN: Also, I think saying that she has to go is akin to when McCain said he would fire Chris Cox at the SEC. I mean, it's their fucking government, you think they could learn who is supposed to be independent — and therefore given a term — and who is supposed to be a sycophant. Tim Geithner either needs to say a bunch more stupid shit so Obama withdraws his name, or get his head screwed on straight. Yo, Tim, you can throw all the money you want at Wall Street and get them to lower interest rates, but if no one has a fucking house in 2 years, the economy is still going to be fucked, and that's what Sheila Bair is trying to prevent, you dumb cunt.

LATOYA: I think prevention is a dirty word to some people. Kind of reminds them of socialism.

MEGAN: But the Republicans promised that we were electing a dirty socialist! They promised!

LATOYA: The Republicans are promising a lot of stuff, but one hand doesn't know what the other hand is doing. Like this rift between the religious right and the ...um...regular right.

MEGAN: This part is kind of awesome.

Ponnuru acknowledges that social conservatives “could present themselves more attractively,” and “pick their spokesmen more wisely.”

No, asshole, at the end of the day, you're still advocating for a fucking theocracy and I am gonna notice no matter how much you pay for Sarah Palin's stylists.

LATOYA: She even used the term Oogedy-Boodgey.

First, to the origins. “Oogedy-boogedy” was bequeathed to me several years ago by my dear, departed friend, political cartoonist Doug Marlette. We were doubtless talking about our shared Southern heritage, about which one does not speak long without mentioning religion.

And, you betcha, oogedy-boogedy.

Marlette, whose childhood was spent among Pentecostals, Baptists, and other passionate believers, had religion in his bones and forgot more scripture than most preachers can recall on a given Sunday. He also won a Pulitzer Prize for his lampooning of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker (peace be upon them) and their “PTL Club.”

If Jim and Tammy Faye put you in mind of oogedy-boogedy, you’re getting warm.

Now, I'm going to be saying Oogedy Boogedy all day.

MEGAN: And, Republican dudes, if you can't figure out what it means, I don't think you get to call me an Un-Real American anymore.

LATOYA: Rick Warren, talking about capping foreign leaders because the bible says so? Oogedy Boogedy!

MEGAN: Also, how is the world not fucking scared of that shit? Spencer said it best: if it was a Muslim preacher saying on national TV abroad that the Koran says they need to suicide bomb us, we would be flipping the fuck out. But a white guy? No, that's cool.

LATOYA: Selective memory. Side effect of the oogedy boogedy.

MEGAN: So, is the oogedy-boogedy something you catch from the Bible, or from other Jeebus-freaks?

LATOYA: Apparently, the bible is OK. It's the freak part that leads to the oogedy boogedy. There have been other strange happenings as well, outside of religion. Like Michelle Malkin talking sense.

MEGAN: Michelle Malkin has been talking some sense on and off again all year and it is sort of freaking me the fuck out in general.

LATOYA: She's done this a couple times before. I'm always kind of shocked, because I can't reconcile a sensible column with the author of "In Defense of Internment." I don't know whether to read or avoid. On her worst days, she makes me want to put my eyes out, Oedipus style, so I do not have to see what senselessness has wrought. But on other days, I wonder if I should move her and Kathleen Parker into regular rotation.

MEGAN: Is it terribly condescending to think that Malkin grew up a little? That after wallowing around in all that scary, informed-only-by-fear filth she sort of looked around at her compatriots, commenters and ass-kissers and thought to herself, damn, these people are crazy?

LATOYA: Then again, we both now she is one "banana cream pie"column (that link is NSFW) away from being in they "why did I ever think we could hang" category. And speaking of even more crazy shit — do you know they are trying to challenge Obama's citizenship?

MEGAN: I am hoping the problem is not just that other wannabe columnists have not decided to out-Malkin Malkin by being crazier, thus making her seem less insane in the process. Yeah, dude, that is some crazytown fucking shit. There are suits claiming the birth certificate is fake, and others claiming that because his father wasn't American, he doesn't qualify.

LATOYA: Remember that Colbert Report segment on Obama going to this crazy foreign nation of Hawaii? Yeah, someone must have forgotten the Colbert Report isn't real news.

MEGAN: Dude! If only! Actually, they are claiming that his mother actually gave birth to him in Kenya but faked that it happened in Hawai'i.

LATOYA: I mean, damn, the birth certificate is online. Hawaii published a column announcing it. WTF?

MEGAN: In this alterna-universe, claiming Hawai'i doesn't count is actually less cray-cray than what they are really claiming. They claim that all that stuff has been faked, as though he's an actual Manchurian candidate.

LATOYA: Oh wait, are you talking about that guy who is suing "the "Peoples Association of Human, Animals Conceived God/s and Religions, John McCain (and) USA Govt." The plaintiff previously sought to sue Wikipedia and "All News Media." Or is he just some fresh crazy? And Clarence Thomas picked up this lawsuit, to presumably dismiss it, which is making blogger like Karynthia get pissed off for having to defend him.

MEGAN: Dude, Alan Keyes filed one of the lawsuits. There are multiple strains of crazy at work.

LATOYA: I expected that. Do you want to talk about terrorism crazy now, or international government crazy?

MEGAN: Oh, it's so hard to decide. I was going to say that we should read what the nanny of the Jewish toddler said about rescuing him because it's sort of awesome in a We-Are-The-World kind of way that transcends race, but we can stick with crazy.

"First thing is that a baby is very important for me and this baby is something very precious to me and that's what made me just not think anything — just pick up the baby and run," Samuel said.

"When I hear gunshot, it's not one or 20. It's like a hundred gunshots," she added. "Even I'm a mother of two children so I just pick up the baby and run. Does anyone think of dying at the moment when there's a small, precious baby?"

LATOYA: I applaud that woman. I am also giving a half-hearted applause to Condi for calling out Mugabe and his general douchbagginess toward his people. The applause is half hearted because we only selectively seek to remove dictators that are screwing with us. Or, rather, standing in the way of something we want.

MEGAN: Right, although, if we're giving Condi a golf clap, we probably have to shout out Raila Odinga, the Kenyan PM, who sorta beat her to the punch on that.

LATOYA: He gets full applause.

MEGAN: I mean, Odinga even beat South African President Kgalema Motlanthe, who probably could have done it as his first act in office or something.

LATOYA: Meanwhile, our neighbors to the South have crazy drug war drama and our neighbors to the North have crazy Parliament drama. Is it just me, or are global current events starting to read like The Days of Our Lives?

MEGAN: OMG, Latoya, seriously, I used to watch Days of Our Lives sort of obsessively. And by sort of obsessively, I mean, once upon a time I stood in line at the mall to get an autography from and picture with Matthew Ashford. That I still have.

LATOYA: And your verdict is?

MEGAN: Days of Our Lives once featured a plot line in which Marlena, possessed by the actual devil wreaked havoc on Salem. I think it's a valid comparison to world events.

LATOYA: Hahahahahahahha — true! I'm about to go get some breakfast (Mocha Hut!) but I did want to leave with this gem. The ignored truth about Iraq is contained in an old ass booklet.

Republished in 2008 by Dark Horse Publications, the tiny booklet for troops heading to protect the Persian Gulf’s oilfields and supply routes is a pronunciation, cultural and religious survival manual whose wisdom applies to Iraq (i-RAHK) during the era of the Toyota pickup truck and Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia as much as to the age of the camel and the Luftwaffe.

“Show respect to all older persons,” writes the anonymous author.

“American success or failure in Iraq may well depend on whether the Iraqis (as the people are called) like American soldiers or not. It may not be quite that simple. But then again it could.”

MEGAN: Sigh.

LATOYA: The book is so old that Muslim is still spelled Moslem and Israel doesn't exist yet (while Iran is a footnote) and yet, the advice is still kind of pertinent.

MEGAN:

“You aren’t going to Iraq to change the Iraqis. Just the opposite.”

LATOYA: Alright — I am out. Pumpkin chai and salmon cake on a bagel, here I come. Thanks, Megan for a fun week, and thanks Jezzies, for the fun conversations. (And pics! Loved that!)

• So, about the rape kits thing. Are you saying you didn't know what your hand-picked police chief was doing in a town of 5,000 people, or were you just fibbing about it?
• What is your exact position on comprehensive sex education?
• What is your position on teaching creationism in schools? How do you think evolution should be taught?
• Are Cole Haan boots that much more comfortable than, say, Naturalizer so as to justify the price tag?
• Why do you insist on teasing your hair up so much?
• Have you been to the part of Alaska that you can see Russia from?
• What does moose meat taste like?
• Please explain your enjoyment of aerial wolf hunting.
• Do you think you could have pulled off the Poehler rap?
• Why did you always hug John McCain at events, but never shake hands?
• Is there a reason that the Secret Service nicknamed your husband "Driller"?
• Do you really think it's a good idea to escalate tensions with Russia?
• Why do you think you've been involved in so many firing scandals when in executive office?
• Do you feel the coverage of you has been sexist? What in particular did you find sexist?
• Did you vote for Ted Stevens?
• What would you say to the girl in the rape survivor ad that felt she needed to have an abortion?
• Why did you end up attending so many different colleges?
• What about the campaign was the most unexpected to you?
• What's it like to own — at least briefly — $150,000 worth of clothes?
• Who was the biggest asshole in the McCain campaign, in your opinion?
• Do you really not believe in global warming?
• Name a community organizer you do respect.

What do you wish you could ask her, since you know she's coming back?

Katie Couric Corrects Sarah Palin On Reading Question [LA Times]

Earlier: Rachel Maddow: Sarah Palin "Is Lying To You — Enthusiastically And Repeatedly"
Debunking The Sarah Palin Rape Kit "Debunkers"
Palin Rap: "I Built Me A Bridge, It Ain't Going Nowhere!"
A Look At the Rape Survivor Ads Against McCain And Palin

• Officials are confirming that Hillary Clinton met with Barack Obama in Chicago to talk about a potential Cabinet slot. Two "senior Democratic officials" confirmed to the Huffington Post that Clinton was offered Secretary of State and asked for time to consider it, but she didn't admit to anything at a press conference in Albany. [NY Times, Huffington Post]
• Barack Obama and John McCain are going to meet this weekend to talk about how they might be able to work together on something once Obama is President. It was arranged by Senator Lindsay Graham, McCain's Number One Fanboy. [Washington Post]
• Vermont Senator Pat Leahy became the one who broke the seal, announcing today that he's not going to support Connecticut Senator Joe "Turncoat" Lieberman's efforts to hold onto his committee chairmanship in the Democratic-controlled Senate since Lieberman isn't a Democrat, campaigned against the incoming Democratic President and endorsed a Republican. Glad someone has more of a spine than Harry Reid. [Washington Post]
• Speaking of backbones, thousands of people are expecting to protest the passage of Proposition 8 tomorrow, in California and around the country. [Huffington Post]

• Other things coming to Washington include: Barack Obama's favorite pizza in Chicago, which is not Chicago-style but is, I guarantee, better than all but about 5 pizza outlets in the D.C. Metro area. [Huffington Post]
• FDIC Chairwoman Sheila Bair (a contender for the Treasury Secretary slot in an Obama Administration, if the rumors are true) unveiled her $25 million plan to stop 1.5 million foreclosures next year by offering incentives to financial institutions to reduce homeowners' monthly payments. Current Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson reportedly hates the idea, preferring to spend the money buying stock in banks and encouraging addition lending, let alone that he doesn't want to have to cede 3.5 percent of his Congressional spending authority to a girl to, like, help struggling Real Americans instead of banks. [Washington Post]
• California Congressman Dan Lungen is planning on challenging Ohio Congressman John Boehner for House Minority Leader. I wonder if he knows the perma-tan isn't one of the perks? [CNN]
• Former Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele wants to take over the Republican National Committee. He faces a mass of other people that didn't have prime time speaking roles at the Republican National Convention. [Politico]
• McCain campaign manager Rick Davis took responsibility for not paying how much attention "a gal from New York" they hired to shop for Sarah Palin spent on her wardrobe since they didn't give her a budget or look at the bills. That only took until after your guy lost, dickwad. Nice timing. [CNN]
• Outgoing corrupt Republican Congressman Rick Renzi of Arizona (who will be replaced by Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick) will face racketeering and other new charges when he eventually goes to trial on being a corrupt bastard. [Huffington Post]
• Renzi's colleague-in-corruption Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has fallen behind in his bid to win re-election to the Senate seat he'd be forced from once he had to report to the clink. [LA Times]
• Joe The Motherfucking Plumber has a motherfucking book deal. I, on the other hand, do not. I can ask stupid questions! I swear! Call me, publishers? [Huffington Post]

• Once upon a time in a universe far, far away, a group of supposely intelligent women decided that Barack Obama wasn't sexy enough for them. And thus the world was denied his image in a Harvard Law beefcake calendar. I guess we'll always have People. [Politico]
• Obama has told people he wants Lieberman to continue to caucus with the Dems, something Lieberman is swearing that he won't do if Democrats take his committee assignment away. Let the whiny bitch go, please. "No drama Obama" doesn't have to mean rolling over for Lieberman. [Huffington Post]
• Speaking of the Senate, the difference between Norm Coleman and Al Franken in the Minnesota Senate race is down to 204 votes. One more reason to cut the dead weight, Harry Reid. [MSNBC]

• There's a fake guy who claims to be the one who told Fox News that Sarah Palin didn't know about NAFTA. He claims to be best buds with Randy Scheunemann and "added" that she didn't know the difference between Hezbollah and Hamas, Sunnis and Shi'ites or the IRA and ETA. [Politico, Fake Martin Eisenstadt]
• None of that will delay the start of Palin's comeback tour, which begins this week at the Republican Governor's Association in Miami. [Washington Post]
• She's headed there once she's done sorting through her massive wardrobe to find the clothes the RNC desperately needs back. You know, the clothes she never wore that lived in the belly of the campaign plane after the convention. Those clothes. [Associated Press]
• Howard Dean is going to leave the DNC. [Washington Post]
• Former DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe is going to run for Governor of Virginia. [Politico]
• And everyone in the world is calling Obama on the phone, including Russian Putin-puppet President Dmitry Medvedev. No wonder he always has the thing up to his ear when he's getting out of a car lately! [Washington Post]

• Though Barack obama told Americans nothing about forthcoming nominations, that doesn't mean there's nothing to speculate about! John Kerry, Chris Dodd and Bill Richardson are lead speculative Secretary of State candidates, Robert Gates might stay at the Defense Department, Janet Napolitano could be headed to Justice and former eBay executive Steve Westly, the Governator or Kathleen Sebelius could end up at DOE. Discuss at your leisure — Obama certainly is. [CNN, Politico]
• The President-Elect has included sexual orientation and gender identity in his non-discrimination pledge on hiring, which is awesome. [ACLU]
• Harry Reid is a little pissed about Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman's Obama-bashing during his balls-out support of John McCain this election season — to say nothing of his current flirtation with Mitch McConnell and the GOP caucus. He is thinking of allowing the Democratic caucus to strip Lieberman of his committee chair, which Lieberman calls "unacceptable" and everyone else calls "no less than he deserves." [CNN, Huffington Post]
• Unlike the obstreperous Lieberman, Appropriations Committee Chairman Robert Byrd is stepping aside as chairman because he's confident of the new Democratic majority and, likely, because of his continuing ill health. Sadly, this means no more "barbaric" speeches. [The Hill, YouTube]

• In what may be the most disturbing charitable donation of all time, some of the clothing items the Palins need to return to the RNC include Todd's silk boxers. And you thought her plane left skid marks when it left Phoenix! [Washington Post]
• To counter that image, Sarah Palin's going to do an interview with Greta Van Susteren. Nope, don't think that image is getting out of my head regardless, sorry. [LA Times]
• Right-wing South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint is pissed that McConnell isn't going to expel Senate Ted "McBribe-y" Stevens from the Senate during the lame duck session. Yes, Virginia, some Republicans do have principles. [Politico]
• The best quote that ever has been said or ever will be said about Rahm Emanuel: "Emanuel, on the other hand, is a drama queen; seething, foaming Mamet production; a big mouth; and a calculating mensch who loves nothing more than to stoke the feed bag for press-corps noshers." Oh, this is going to be an epic White House. [Politico]
• Obama's aunt — who the right-wingers discovered far too late has overstayed her deportation order — has decided to fight in court for the right to remain in the U.S. She's not in great health, reportedly, which would seem like humanitarian grounds to let her stay but our immigration system isn't exactly known for being humanitarian in nature. [MSNBC]
• Neither are Americans, two of whom in New Jersey set a cross ablaze on the lawn of an Obama supporter. Racism: officially no longer confined to The South. Please make a note of it. [Editor & Publisher]
• In slightly better news, there is talk about automatically registering every eligible citizen to vote and expanding early voting so that this ACORN-caging-voter challenges nonsense can finally just end. God, how awesome would that be? [NY Times]

ANA MARIE: Good morning.

MEGAN: Hello! I now have coffee brewing, it smells good enough I almost feel like I don't hate the world.

ANA MARIE: I am discussing hotel reward points with other reporters and eating bacon and fruit. THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS.

MEGAN: Bacon is always a part of the breakfast of champions, and I have now determined what I shall be eating once we finish. Porky deliciousness, which is really just a way to bring up Ted Stevens, who Palin has decided should resign.

ANA MARIE: FINALLY. Next, Palin will appoint herself as replacement.

MEGAN: You know that's coming.

ANA MARIE: Though I do not mean to suggest that Obama is inevitable!

MEGAN: Somehow, though, I don't see her having a warm relationship with Senator McCain when she gets there.

ANA MARIE: We on the trail have been discussing whether or not she will even invite McCain to Bristol's wedding — since he is, you know, the reason why she has to get married. In a just world, he'd officiate.

MEGAN: But they love each other! They always planned to get married! I'll bet she invited him for the gift because you know he ain't flying to Alaska.

ANA MARIE: I actually don't mean to be cynical about that. I mean, I am, but on the other hand: I thought I'd marry my high school bf, too.

MEGAN: Me too! True story: remember those machines in the mall that print business cards and invitations? We printed a fake wedding invite one time.

ANA MARIE:Who do you think WILL have a warm relationship with Sen. McCain? Mel Martinez?

MEGAN: Lindsay Graham's love for McCain will never, ever die.

ANA MARIE: No. He will die wearing the wedding dress he picked out.

MEGAN: He will have to be buried in it. I mean, you gotta admit, he does look really fabulous in it.

ANA MARIE: Guy behind me: "The first polls close in six days, nine hours, and two minutes."

MEGAN: Ok, Rainman. And where do polls close at 5:30?

ANA MARIE: West Viriginia? Maybe he's lying. Some kind of elaborate voter fraud project.

MEGAN: Maybe I am just better at math? It's slightly less elaborate than printing up flyers complete with logos and shit to pretend that Election Day has been moved. I mean, really?

ANA MARIE: What, it hasn't? Shit. I was looking forward to collecting more Hilton Honors points. Also, someone tell Mickey Mouse.

MEGAN: Dude, if they moved it to this week, I would totally be okay with that. It's Wednesday and I'm too tired to move to get the coffee I can now smell. I'm so bored I spent 5 minutes reading about Kwame Kilpatrick's cell and sexy texts just to not think about the election any more and then the damn reporters snuck it in there at the end anyway. Bastards.

ANA MARIE: I was watching a zombie movie last night and couldn't help wondering which party they'd vote for. This election has infected my brain.

MEGAN: I think the zombies, like al Qaeda, would want McCain to win, if only because, what with his arms, he seems like one of them. Yeah, I went there.

ANA MARIE: It's okay. It's hard not to.

MEGAN: Oh, and it turns out that Ashley Todd is not a McCain plant trying to turn people against Obama, she's a Ron Paul plant pretending to be a McCain plant trying to turn people against Obama to turn people against McCain. Soooo crazy. She's like the Manchurian Candidate and shit.

ANA MARIE: Personally, I think zombies would vote for Ron Paul!

MEGAN: He would be like the Pied Piper for zombies, I would agree. All that yelling, they'd be really distracted. Bonus points: after they voted, Ron Paul's living supporters could then serve as sustenance for the zombies. Bonus, bonus points: Democrats could finally accuse Republicans of mining the cemeteries of this great nation for voters.

ANA MARIE: There's a "Chicago machine politician" joke in there somewhere but I haven't finished my bacon.

MEGAN: I need a bacon butler in the morning. And a coffee steward.

ANA MARIE: So did Cindy McCain.

MEGAN: But why did she need John McCain?

ANA MARIE: I think the proper emphasis is, "Why did SHE need John McCain?" Or maybe, "Why did she NEED John McCain?" Sorry, that's totally the lack of bacon talking.

MEGAN: I am seriously going to have to go cook some damn bacon when we finish this.

ANA MARIE: Should we talk about Nicolle Wallace and her sexy under the bus pose?

MEGAN: Yes, I think we should. I'm glad she decided to tell Fred Barnes he'd better apologize.

ANA MARIE: She didn't really tell him that, she just busted out the whoop ass.

MEGAN: Which, good for her, make him squeal like the bitch he is. Who says women can't play political hardball? Don't fuck with Nicolle Wallace.

ANA MARIE: Usually it's just Bill Bennett that makes him do that. She's the velvet fist in an iron glove or whatever. (Speaking of Bill Bennett.) What I loved about Nicolle? She set her sights on Fred and did not let him out during that entire interview. SHE INVOLVED HER DOG IN THE MESSAGING. She's scarier than Mark Salter. He would just hurt you.

MEGAN: Did Fred Barnes make her puppy cry? That bastard!

ANA MARIE: Nicolle can DESTROY YOU. (From the interview: "We reached Wallace Monday night, enjoying a rare evening at home with her dog, Lily, who also joined the conversation at one point. "That's Lily protecting me from Fred Barnes," Wallace explained.")

MEGAN: Nicolle should figure out who suggested to Freddie Back that it was all her fault and destroy him. Rick Davis seems like enough of a backstabbing little diva to do it.

ANA MARIE: I think she has some ideas. No one in the press corps does tho... Seriously, favorite game right now is "who would be so stupid as to get on Nicolle's bad side?" Okay you have just made the obvious point that I should have. Davis. Totally. Wanted to do go to Saks himself

MEGAN: Also, let us take on short moment to point out that the purchases were all made by Robocaller extraordinaire Jeff Larson.

ANA MARIE: Who hasn't even denied it!

MEGAN: With whom one imagines Wallace doesn't necessarily work that closely.

ANA MARIE: Here's the other thing: Wallace is a Bushie. She knows how to hide illegal expenses. There would be no RNC disclosure of Wallace purchases. I kid, obviously. Though I only say that because I think she knows how to have me killed.

MEGAN: It does seem pretty junior varsity, I agree. And Nicolle is not JV squad.

ANA MARIE: Hold on. I have to get wanded.

MEGAN: Tell him to do it the sexy way.

ANA MARIE: I've been wanded! Wanded is one of the words I'll miss from the campaign. That and "manifest." As in a staffer telling me, "I'll manifest you." It sounds like one simply APPEARS somewhere.

MEGAN: Manifest destiny is all I can think of when you say that.

ANA MARIE: See, I think of manifestations.

MEGAN: I think I have proved once and for all that I paid way too much attention in class.

ANA MARIE: And I pay too much attention to the SciFi channel.

MEGAN: So, shall we briefly discuss the irony of the woman who wants to change the Constitution to give herself more power if she wins accusing her opponent of wanting to change the Constitution?

ANA MARIE: Do you think Palin would recognize the Constitution if she saw it? Like, the text? Maybe the part about guns...

MEGAN: I'm not sure she would recognize it if it walked up to her on the street Schoolhouse Rock style and slapped her for all the shit she's been talking about it behind its back.

ANA MARIE: But then she would shoot it.

• The officially-designated GOP scapegoat for Wardrobe-gate appears to be McCain aide Nicolle Wallace (left), despite the fact that I guarantee she knows how to put together a wardrobe for less than $150,000. Wallace isn't "going to engage" with people until after the campaign, but she knows the score and her memory doesn't even have to be that long. [Think Progress, Politico]
• Speaking of the score, Vanity Fair and the National Security News Service are apparently pursuing reports that McCain killed a guy in a car accident (implication: drunk driving) in 1964 and the Navy is still covering it up. Who knew the October surprise would be about McCain? Karl Rove must really hate him. [Huffington Post]
• Joe The Motherfucking Plumber officially endorsed McCain today, and said that Obama would be the end of Israel. What the fuck does JTMP know about Israel? Joe doesn't know jack, actually, and even Fox News had to admit that. [CBS, Huffington Post]

• Though Palin yesterday refused to be a Maverick and call on convicted felon Senator Ted Stevens to resign, John McCain decided he could. So he did. [NY Times]
• Rachel Maddow's viewership is so far up, she can claim to have beat Larry King in one demo. One demo today, tomorrow...all of them. [TV Newser]
• The Dow, too, finally decided to get up. That'll last until it falls again, then goes up, down, up, down and apparently I need to stop watching so much porn. [Washington Post]
• Florida Governor Charlie Crist decided to get back at McCain for not choosing him as the running mate — or, possibly, do the right thing for the right reasons, stranger things have happened — and extended early voting hours in Florida. Someone's gonna get re-elected. [Politico]

MEGAN: For a campaign that attempted to accuse everyone and anyone of sexism in regards to Sarah Palin, there's some sort of irony in campaign staff now calling her a "diva", I think. Also, I love the back-stabbing of the end of a campaign because it just shows you who is in it for the candidate and who's only in it for what the candidate winning can do for his/her career. And, yes, I'm looking at all the lobbyists in the McCain campaign.

LATOYA: I just feel like it's karma — you asked for a maverick, didn't you? Well now, she's just gone maverick on the trail. I watched McCain on Meet the Press on Sunday, he still says he's proud of her.

MEGAN: Not that her remarks this weekend were "the remarks [they] sent to the plane [that] morning."

LATOYA: I'm loving how some polls are calling Palin "a bigger drag on the campaign than Bush" — that's cold. Yet, there seems to be a strong push for Palin in 2012. (OMG, I am sleepy — I keep typing Plain when I mean Palin. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?)

MEGAN: Apparently because she can deliver the xenophobes and the racists.

LATOYA: And the VPILF set.

MEGAN: Then Stephanie Herseth for VP in 2012!

LATOYA: Don't forget them. I was watching D.L. Hughley's comedy show on CNN on Saturday and Palin supporters were obviously playing bingo with the campaign buzzwords. "Maverick." "Real American." "Hot"

MEGAN: Palin supporters are the most boring people ever, like, how do you not just make that a drinking game?

LATOYA: See, I was thinking scrabble myself. I know I could hit a couple triple word scores with "RealAmerican", hit "maverick" with the M... I was amused at Hughley's sketch though — he kept telling the supporters that Palin needs a black guy to win, and handed out Palin/Hughley 2012 signs.

MEGAN: The only board game I am really good at is Trivial Pursuit, and even that I haven't played in years.

LATOYA: Response from the one guy — "We don't know you!" (Doesn't that sound familiar?)

Response from an angry woman: "Are you for abortion?"
DL: "I would never have one."

MEGAN: Maybe they're just worried that all black people aren't really Americans.

LATOYA: Neither are you latte-sipping coasters.

MEGAN: Screw lattes, it's all about the café au laits for me.

LATOYA: I think we need to start a campaign for fake America. American Faux. We need a tee shirt.

MEGAN: What would be our symbol? Lattes, arugula and diversity?

LATOYA: Oh, we should make a crest! "In cosmopolitia, we trust."

MEGAN: Do we still have to use the eagle? Could we go with the turkey like Ben Franklin, the ultimate latte-sipper if there ever was one? And then like in those old grade school drawings where you make it from an outline of your hang, we could put a different symbol for our cause on every feather!

LATOYA: See, this is shaping up nicely. I vote for Ben Franklin, Crispus Attucks, and Phyllis Wheatley as our symbols of American Faux. Though I think the first tee we make should be telling K. Rove to sit his ass down somewhere and stop being Captain Obvious. I thought he was a strategist. Who changed the job description?

MEGAN: A strategist is something even other Republicans think McCain lacks. Rove's a pundit now and so like Bill Kristol he has to walk that fine line between a level of intellectual honesty that can leave his job intact and party loyalty, so that's about all he can say. At least David Frum had some helpful suggestions, even if they were basically to let McCain continue to run his campaign into the ground on his own and start fighting to keep some Republicans in office.

LATOYA: Yeah, well it looks like they switched strategies — maybe they are hoping that they can just stop people from voting outright. Or that the election boards will do their work for them:

Berry is one of more than 50,000 registered Georgia voters who have been "flagged" because of a computer mismatch in their personal identification information. At least 4,500 of those people are having their citizenship questioned and the burden is on them to prove eligibility to vote. Experts say lists of people with mismatches are often systematically cut, or "purged," from voter rolls.

It's a scenario that's being repeated all across the country, with cases like Berry's raising fears of potential vote suppression in crucial swing states. "What most people don't know is that every year, elections officials strike millions of names from the voter rolls using processes that are secret, prone to error and vulnerable to manipulation," said Wendy Weiser, an elections expert with New York University's Brennan Center for Justice. "That means that lots and lots of eligible voters could get knocked off the voter rolls without any notice and, in many cases, without any opportunity to correct it before Election Day." Weiser acknowledged that "purging done well and with proper accountability" is necessary to remove people who have died or moved out of state. "But the problem is it's not necessary to do inaccurate purges that catch up thousands of eligible voters without any notice or any opportunity to fix it before Election Day and really without any public scrutiny at all," she said. Such allegations have flared up across the United States during this election cycle, most notably in Ohio, where a recent lawsuit has already gone to the U.S. Supreme Court.

MEGAN: I love how even Scalia was like, oh, Christ, fuck off, Ohio Republicans.

LATOYA: I feel like I need to call the election board and make sure I'm on the guest list. I didn't know voting was like clubbing — "I swear I'm on the list! I registered on Thursday! Can I please get my free drink ticket?"

MEGAN: Well, even if they purged you, they have to let you cast a provisional ballot.

LATOYA: Yeah, like someone is going to count those. And those ballots are shady anyway.

MEGAN: Well, I mean, that is the issue. I think, though, if they have purged so many people that the provisionals could make a difference, Obama's lawyers will probably have your back. I saw Recall. God, I love that movie.

LATOYA: One would hope. In good news, it seems that a lot of former felons have been re-enfranchised.

According to advocacy groups, about 5.3 million Americans, or 1 in 41 adults, have lost their right to vote because of a felony conviction.

"The issue here is really if someone should have a permanent scarlet letter on them — if there are certain offenses for which there is no redemption," said Democratic Rep. Steve Cohen, who played a lead role in revising Tennessee's voting law in 2006.

The suffrage laws vary by state and often by felony, with violent crimes incurring greater restrictions. Only two states — Maine and Vermont — permit voting by all felons, including those still in prison. California, along with states such as New York and Colorado, automatically reinstates voting rights to felons once they are released from prison and are off parole.

MEGAN: I think that if you've served your time, you've served your time, you shouldn't have to re-apply for citizenship. But people on probation and parole aren't done repaying their debt to society.

LATOYA: But unfortunately, we're still hating on Native Americans. And, um, Ohio voters.

MEGAN: I mean, there are reliable voting blocs that go Democratic, right? Why does the GOP not try to systematically disenfranchise groups of white people? Why is it always people of color?
Why do they hate your freedom?

LATOYA: Because, obviously, I'm not a real American. Therefore, it is obvious that I should only have fake rights and fake freedoms.

• Were you — like Glamour editor Cindi Leive wondering how Sarah Palin managed to spend so much money on her wardrobe? By the way, the suit she wore at the debate was Tahari, one of my favorite affordable suit makers. [New York Times]
• Well, it turns out that she might not have really ended up with all $150,000 of it, as some of the purchases included ripped T-shirts and clothing for a 2-year-old. [New York Times]
• She might have to claim the clothes as income for tax purposes, though, and a formal complaint has been filed with the FEC about the clothes. [Andrew Sullivan, Politico]
• Oh, and she got pissy with the SNL costume people because the matching suits they had her and Tina Fey in weren't in keeping with her "new" image. [Huffington Post]

• In actual news, the chairwoman of a New Mexico women's GOP group, Marcia Stirman, wrote an OpEd in which she called Obama a "Muslim Socialist" and declared all Muslims "our enemies." That's what the McCain camp needs right now, definitely. [Salon]
• Someone (or a group of someones) has been vandalizing the Minnesota homes of the entire Congressional delegation. [Pioneer Press]
• Air America's Mark Maron went to a Palin rally in Colorado springs, didn't find hate but did get a shiny copper penny from an old guy. [The Guardian]
• The Washington Post's Dana Milbank went in search of the Real Virginia and found that it's voting for Barack Obama. [Washington Post]
• The FDIC may start to insure your mortgages as well as your bank deposits in the hopes that lenders will stop foreclosing, but they probably won't because they're dicks and they all live in Delaware. [Washington Post]
• Like most Americans, Alan Greenspan is really sorry that he thought The Market was self-regulating. [New York Times]
• The McCains and the Obamas would save money under either candidate's tax plan, but the McCains would save $732,000 under his plan. Yowza. [Think Progress]
• And in awful news, a 20-year-old woman was mugged and then, when the mugger noticed her McCain bumper sticker, maimed. He carved a "B" in her face. Barack Obama's campaign (and everyone else in this country) wants the sick fuck brought to justice. Not in our names, dude. [WTAE, Politico]