Jezebel 
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New York, 1:01 AM
Wed Nov 25
62 posts in the last 24 hours
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10/19/09
This kind of arrangement, where the woman has the steady job and daddy stays home to craft eco-friendly you-tube videos or whatever, seems to be more and more common. Certainly, the reverse used to be a common arrangement for couples with the power-daddy and a mom that stays home and makes candles or whatnot, and I almost applaud the fact that now it seems a gender-neutral situation, but I still resent the fact that I'm sitting here relentlessly pursuing a law-degree while every man I meet is working on his writing or formulating his amazing spike jonze-esque film debut and being supported by their parents. Why are women more and more the only ones being encouraged to be responsible? Is this the result of my parents' generation where everyone got divorced and the mothers all preached aggressive self-reliance?
Its not a bad thing that being successful is no longer the badge of masculinity it once was, but I know I feel no sympathy for a man who _hopes_ to someday contribute to the family expenses with his totally fun sounding interest in custom golf clubs. Maybe I'm just bitter because it seems I'm always the one buying dinner these days. #wagegap
10/19/09
Anyway, he got fired well over a year ago, and hasn't worked since. Part of it was pure laziness (he didn't go to find a job, since he was in school and had loans that covered the bills) and part of it was sudden recession in which it was next to impossible to find work. As long as he paid his half of the bills, I was fine. It's his money and his life, and I don't really give a shit as long as I don't have to support him.
Then the student loans didn't come. His parents had been knocked down a tax bracket, and they decided that it was the perfect time to audit. They also told him not to get a job, as it would put him in a higher need bracket and expedite the process. I was working 20 hours a week or less on overnights, and not exactly bringing in the biggest paychecks. I ended up paying the rent through November, and was on the verge of bankruptcy when the loans FINALLY came (after Thanksgiving, oddly enough). He paid me back in full the first day he got his loans.
So, technically, I'm the "breadwinner". He's never once said anything about how our genders play into it. It's always been about how it works for us - that I had to pay the bills, and yes, I resented it a lot. Not because he is "the man" and must pay the bills, but because I wasn't making enough money to support two people. I was hardly making enough to support one. I kept my job because I hardly missed a day (he had a lot of funerals and family emergencies). I am more concerned about how this will affect his future, now that he doesn't owe me money any more. His self-image is not tied to providing for me, but rather, being an equal partner, and it hurt both of us when he couldn't do that. #wagegap
10/19/09
Also, custom golf clubs? Wow. #wagegap
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10/19/09
I think we're doing alright financially, number 4, take a hike.
Hey look, we're doing really well, I think I'll go solo now.
Oh man, recession, alright Kanye I guess we can do that remix.
(Not that I really think Beyonce is feeling the recession, or that she really needs Kanye around, but you know.) #wagegap
10/19/09
whut? Is that in the bible somewhere? #wagegap
10/19/09
I am confused by that also. I was just reading somewhere about how life during biblical times was matriarchal, but that point was obviously overlooked in organized Christianity. Even so, I don't remember learning in catechism that the dude has to bring home the bacon. #wagegap
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10/19/09
Jeez, I'm so glad to be away from organized religion, but I still know how fundamentalists think. #wagegap
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10/19/09
Every time I think I'm out of reasons to crack on my former religion, they pull me back in… :-\ #wagegap
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10/09/09
10/09/09
Having said that, my male friends have been getting crushed in the job market. I'm making 10k less than I did last year for the same work, and I'm one of the lucky ones. A couple of guys are 12 to 18 months between jobs, and with few nibbles. My female friends have, for the most part, done OK, with few layoffs or downward mobility.
10/09/09
10/09/09
Sadly, I suffered from this back after the dot-com collapse. I figured that because Flybynighttelecom.com thought I was worth 90k, that Comcast's offer of 55k plus bonuses was insulting. I turned that down. Nine months later, I was working at Chili's for 2.35 an hour plus tips, kicking myself hourly for not taking the Comcast gig.
10/09/09
10/09/09
KILL ME
10/06/09
Is money really the standard by which we feel we need to judge our equality? That is to say, are there perhaps good reasons some women choose less aggressive career tracks, or to stay home with children for a few years, or to work part-time and take care of their aging parents, or to start their own lower-paying businesses altogether?
10/06/09
Reseach shows that even when type of work, sector and level of education and experience between men and women are identical, women are still underpaid. Read 'Women Don't Ask' for further info.
10/06/09
Of course there are women who are in high-pressure jobs, earning high salaries and pushing the glass ceiling. But I would say as a gender, women are still the ones who are expected to, or expect themselves to take care of people. And maybe part of the reason why women as a group don't make as much money as men is because we put more importance on these other things than the almighty dollar. There comes a time when you do have to choose between what's important to you and money - if you never have to make that choice, you're very, very lucky.
10/06/09
@rixatrix: I would argue that women do those things because, come on, who else is going to?
And I'm not talking about the whole "oh haha husbands are lazy" standard. I'm saying that when it comes down to the husband or wife taking time off work to care for sick relatives, it's assumed the wife will do this. It's assumed they will quit their job to move with their husband. It's assumed they will take time off to care for their kids.
And part of the reason it's assumed is that the husband, often, makes more money, and therefore it makes sense for the wife to do those things. So really, perhaps the fact that it's women taking care of these things is a product of, rather than a cause of, the pay gap.
10/05/09
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10/05/09
Everything is unstable right now but some are less stable.
10/05/09