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Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
“I Feel Like The Head Of A Family, But The Boys Are Grown Up And They’re Never Going To Get Married.”
The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Lover

So It's Not A Jinx To Dedicate Your Book To Your Fictional Future Husband?

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sequined
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
So wait, am I correct in reading the implication that it's crazy-liberal-feminist and anti-tradition to have both of your parents walk you down the aisle?

Oy, people are going to fucking die when I eventually plan a wedding.
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HistoricUpstart
06/15/09

@rixatrix: That's what we're doing! PARTAY ONLY!!!
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rixatrix
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
I think a courthouse wedding (followed by a kickass party) is so romantic. It's like, "I don't need to play princess for a day. I want to have a marriage with you." And who needs a white dress?
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LaComtesse
06/15/09

@rixatrix: No one NEEDS it. I WANTED it. When you feel like you NEED it, it's time to reassess.
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rixatrix
06/15/09

@LaComtesse: Maybe I should've said *I* don't need a white dress. Something blue, maybe, because I look great in blue. And lamb curry afterward.
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LaComtesse
06/15/09

@rixatrix: Mmmmm. Lamb curry. Yeah, good food is essential to life and especially to a wedding, should one choose to have one. I still dream of the food at my wedding...
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shak_diesel
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
Question: Wouldn't a real feminist support a woman who wanted a traditional wedding if she so chooses?
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elizabells
06/15/09

@shak_diesel: My momma taught me feminism was about choices. I think sometimes people forget that.
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PreposterousHypothesis
06/15/09

@shak_diesel: I think the key is choice. If a woman makes a conscious decision to go 100% traditional, then that is her choice. If she's getting a bunch of pressure from family to go a certain way and thereby reinforce potentially loaded and patriarchial traditions, or from the wedding-industrial complex to HAVE TO DO certain things, that's where LACK of choice comes in, which is decidedly unfeminist.
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Ailanthus-altissima
06/15/09

@elizabells: I choose my choice, dammit.
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stacyinbean
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
Ok, I'm sorry, KIFFEN? Really?
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LadyFabulous
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
*sigh* I wish I could have a small wedding, but it'll be pretty damn hard. My family's been waiting for like 28 years (I'm 28) for me to get married, but I've also got about 52 cousins on one side alone...

I'd elope, except when my sister did that my mom had a stroke... literally. :/
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goodgirlrevolution
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
I am getting married in Vegas in August and struggling with the same dilemma! What's a modern bride to do??
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ArtfulSlinger
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
Well to get the full page wedding article for the Styles section of "The New York Times" is not very hard, when you are white, actually wealthy and play alternative for fun. Or you know the writers for the column.
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Trulymadlyme
06/15/09

@ArtfulSlinger: I tried to restrain myself. But yeah. I am waiting for the Times to print the announcement from blue collar couples or couples of color who aren't insanely wealthy/educated.
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MizJenkins
06/15/09

@ArtfulSlinger: I think the NYT has actually done a pretty good job of keeping the wedding announcements diverse, including not only people of color but older couples and gay couples. I think they're more prestige whores (Ivy League schools, lawyers, doctors, bankers etc.) than anything.
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ArtfulSlinger
06/15/09

@MizJenkins: @schweppes: Yes in the little blip sections I have seen a few black couples, many asian couples and loads of gay couples. And maybe its more of a class/prestige issue, but for the full page article I can not remember ONE couple of color in recent months. If I missed it, sorry. But the majority of the people who make the big story in the section are friends of the editors, writers or a friend of a friend or some couple thrice divorce who found love or "alternative" rich kids.

I find the big story a bit ridiculous as a low key affair considering it was an intimate party in the very expensive backyard of the tony area of the hamptons on LI. I might have swallowed a bitter pill this morning but nothing about the wedding section is truly diverse in NYTimes. I can blame it on the demo thats fine and accurate but its not an open playing field there.
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Trulymadlyme
06/15/09

@ArtfulSlinger: @MizJenkins: It's more of a class/ivy thing, than a race thing really. But that growth was due to the induction of minorities. Like most "elitist" institutions, the proxy of where you went to college took the place of your breeding. Somewhat more meritocratic, but not really considering the whole 500 years of oppression thing. Just saying.

I never lived in New York for long, but if I grew up there, I'd find the Times wedding section annoying. Why can't working class folks' love be celebrated?
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
06/15/09

In reply to Wedding News Roundup: Chill! Or, You Know, Sue.
Yeah, I'm still totally going for the Vegas experience. Would y'all recommend Celine Dion or the Star Trek museum as a reception site?
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Trulymadlyme
06/15/09

@MissSkittles is not your kind of lady: Circus Circus.
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shorty63136
06/02/09

In reply to “I Feel Like The Head Of A Family, But The Boys Are Grown Up And They’re Never Going To Get Married.”
I totally read that as "Our Lady of Spring Break."

Well, I'll be damned - everybody's got a patron saint!
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nellicat
01/26/09

In reply to The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Lover
My dear, sweet boyfriend (about to turn 49) thought that love was simply never going to find him. He'd had a very bad relationship 20 years ago and never quite worked his way back into anything resembling a serious relationship. By the time we started dating (I asked him out), he was convinced that it just wasn't in the cards for him, and that he'd be lonely for the rest of his life. He tells me so poignantly that later-in-life love is the sweetest.
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bowleserised
01/26/09

@nellicat: A friend of mine maintains that men get more romantic as they get older. More appreciation for love, rather than the hormonal/social pressure to fuck everyone.

It's a big generalisation, but true of some.
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Trashtastic
01/26/09

In reply to The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Lover
Enough with the spell check police, y'all.
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DinaRonson : Elizabeth Cady Stanton
01/26/09

In reply to The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Lover
This weekend's Times was chock-full of gems, this one was my personal favorite, you will soon see why.

[www.nytimes.com]'s,%20pigeon&st=cse
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BeckySharper
01/26/09

In reply to The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Lover
SRLSY? Y'all find that romantic?

He BOUGHT the woman's name from some dating service that pimps out women in economically disadvantaged countries to American lonelyhearts, in this case men in prison. And she apparently feels she can't do any better with men in Colombia.

Sheesh.
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Ratinski
01/26/09

@BeckySharper: He's not in prison. He was in prison, he served his time.
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bluebears
01/26/09

@BeckySharper: yeah, I'm with you. I find companies who do this sort of thing disgusting. it doesn't sound like "true love" to me, sounds like a mutually beneficial relationship, which is fine but come on now.
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BeckySharper
01/26/09

@Ratinski: These companies do no background checks on the men in question. Some of them do sell to inmates.

@bluebears: When I was in Cuba, this kind of thing was rampant. I met so many Cuban women who had these kinds of relationships with Canadian and European men in the hopes of bettering their lives. The men have leverage b/c the woman is disadvantaged and she has leverage b/c the guy's lonely. It's legal, but it's hardly a healthy relationship of equals.
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bluebears
01/26/09

@BeckySharper: I saw a special on A&E a loooooong time ago with Russian "dating services" and the American men involved where scary. They were so obviously controlling and possessive at the LEAST.
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LaFemme
01/26/09

@BeckySharper: Seriously. I have lived in Colombia and this type of thing is fairly popular. Although I am sure there are some positive tales that ocome out of it, I generally find it pretty disgusting.

And the whole "oh the men here are so macho which is why I can't find anyone" thing is such total bullshit. The people who contract the women TELL them to say this. Yeah sure, Latin culture may be a little more outwardly macho in some ways, but there are plenty of nice, humble Colombian men to date. They just cant get you a US visa and wisk you off of your feet necessarily.
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BeckySharper
01/26/09

@LaFemme:
@bluebears:
Agreed. Any man who uses one of these international lonelyheart services to find women is deliberately picking a woman who is socially unequal to him. There's a reason why're they're not interested in women from the US, UK, Canada, Germany, etc.

I also thought in this article that it sounded like his "girlfriend" was stringing his ass along. I saw this so many times in Latin America. He gets his emotional needs met--and his standards are low b/c of his prison experience--and she gets money and the promise of a better life.
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nellicat
01/26/09

@BeckySharper: At least they're equally disadvantaged? I don't know - I find men who seek out women from other countries are OFTEN losers who are afraid of outspoken women and want a subservient woman.

This guy, though, didn't seem to want that - he just didn't want to be crossed immediately off the list, as I can see most American women doing. I have mixed feelings about it, but they both seemed like decent folks.
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BeckySharper
01/26/09

@nellicat: I think he was clearly very lonely and couldn't for whatever reason find a connection with a woman in his own society. But instead of continuing to try, he goes and buys contact info for women in Colombia, where presumably they'd be less picky (for obvious reasons).

And he says in the article that she didn't speak English and he barely spoke Spanish when they first met. They couldn't even conduct a conversation over the phone. I'm sorry, but that's not a good sign.
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St. Francis of a Sissy
01/26/09

In reply to The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Lover
At the risk of being insensitive, Mr. Ex-Con's essay about making a seriously long distance relationship work just makes me angry all over again about the boy who said that two hours apart by train was too far.

I have to keep reminding myself ...he's just not that into me, he's just not that into me...
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deitybox
01/26/09

@St. Francis of a Sissy: Yeah, I once had an LDR with a guy who was like "let's just take it slow." What exactly does that mean when you're already just seeing each other once a month? Thankfully, it didn't last long.
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thetokenblack
01/26/09

In reply to The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Lover
I found it interesting that the groom in the Vows column never said "I love You" to his bride until after he had proposed. I mean isn't that a pre-req?
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Penny_Esq
01/26/09

@thetokenblack: Yeah, their story was sweet but why would you agree to marry someone if he hadn't said I love you? What did he say when he proposed, anyway? I would think it would be rather alarming to be proposed to by a dude who'd never said he loved me.
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