P.S. No animals were drugged in the making of this video.

Earlier: Dr. Ruth Personally Advises Us On Period Sex

P.S. No animals were drugged in the making of this video.

There are no facts, only interpretations, and if you comprehend an interpretation to its very depths you're likely to change your mind about it, as I have on occasion on this blog when challenged on one of the metaphors, metonyms and anthroporphisms marching around in the mobile mind army of thoughts and variables I falsely perceive to make up some sort of truth, which you may perceive to be a long-winded preamble to telling you I received an email Wednesday evening from a certain individual I'd described upon very little scrutiny as "amusingly pretentious," in a post of earlier this week. Was it unfair? Why not leave judgment to the herd?

from [Redacted] xxxxxxxx@fas.harvard.edu> to moetkacik@gmail.com, date Wed, Apr 9, 2008 at 6:00 PM subject Amusingly pretentious mailed-by gmail.com signed-by gmail.com hide details Apr 9 (2 days ago) Reply

Hi Moe,

Nice to meet you in NYC last weekend! Just out of curiosity, what did I do
to merit the label "amusingly pretentious"?

Cheers,

[Redacted]
______________________________________
[Name Redacted]
Ph.D. Candidate, Harvard University

37 Charles St., Apt. 6B
Boston, MA 02114

Phone: 617-555-9808
Cell: 203-555-7890

"When one rows it is not the rowing which
moves the ship: rowing is only a magical
ceremony by means of which one compels
a demon to move the ship." -Nietzsche
______________________________________

BY THE WAY GUYS, I CHANGED ALL HIS INFORMATION AND EVEN IF I HADN'T I DON'T THINK NIETZSCHE BELIEVED IN MORALS BUT WHATEVS.

1.) It Feels Better Without a Condom
You know, people really get on their high horse when it comes to using condoms. Here's the thing: You know those PSAs or HBO Families in Crisis movies about the importance of safe sex? And there's always a guy who's like slimy and tries to sweet-talk his girlfriend into having sex without a condom because "it feels better." Well, he's right. It totally does feel better. I know, know! Condoms are important for many reasons and you should wear them. But for me, it feels way more natural without one and I'm much less likely to get a UTI. And if he re-ups and is able to fuck you again, and you guys go through with foreplay again, it doesn't taste as gross when you go down on him.

2.) Queefing
We've been over this. But in addition to what was already discussed, I'd like to add that you probably won't need to worry about queefing the first time, because most likely, you're so new down there that you're pretty much airtight.

3.) Location, Location, Location
Your pussy is prime real estate. If your body were a Monopoly board, your clit and vadge would be Boardwalk. A lot of guys don't know what the hell they're doing, and sometimes they just poke their dick around blindly. Make sure you guide them to the front hole, 'cause If he accidentally jams it in your butt or your taint, and you're not ready for it, you're not gonna like the way it feels. Trust! Which brings me to number four...

4.) Lube, Lube, Lube
This is seriously the most important thing for D in the V. (Or B...but no butts yet, I said!) Ideally, you want to be so turned on that your vadge is naturally wet, but that might not happen the first few times, for whatever reason (nervousness, fear, etc.) So just make sure you have a bunch of lube on hand. However, if you got a lot of bottled lube down there, you shouldn't attempt doggy style, because all that stuff will get in your pee hole and it will give you the mother of all UTIs.

5.) Tampons Will Fit Better After
No joke. They really will. I was never able to get tampons up there before I lost my virginity, probably because I was too tense whenever I tried. But the weekend after I did it for the first time (and the second, and third, and fourth, and so on), I decided to try to insert a slender/regular, even though I didn't have my period. Not nearly as much resistance and I was able to get the entire thing up there.

So there you go! Now, if you ever get around to it, you won't be so lost when you actually try to fuck. Just remember to be safe and wear a condom. (Even though, yeah, it feels better without it.)

For Guy Virgins: Basic Things No One Told Me About Sex [Dating Groundwork]

Earlier: Queefs: What's The Etiquette For Dealing With Air Up There?

Diana Rakipi, 53, who has been a sworn virgin since age 8, tells the Times: "Nowadays women are in such a strong position, it's better not to be a man...Dictatorship was better. During the time of Hoxha, everyone was the same and had the same amount of bread. Now some have so much and some have nothing." Uh, except for all those people Hoxha killed and imprisoned and exiled.

There are only 30 or 40 sworn virgins left, says the Times. I can't imagine why!

'Sworn Virgins' Dying Out As Albanian Girls Reject Manly Role [Times of London]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck hates abortion and sex! Today on The View, Republican apologist Hasselbeck described how she almost broke up a hot 'n heavy makeout session between two teenagers in a New York City park over the weekend. "I know they were going to have sex," Elisabeth explained, adding that she shot pointed looks at the two lovebirds and purposely drew attention to her rapidly-expanding uterus in order to underscore the dangers of penis-on-vagina contact . "You're like some new weird form of birth control," responded Joy Behar. We're sorry to say that Joy is more on the money with that remark than even she realizes.

[The View]