The press release explains that the new name came about last spring, when the Association for Sexuality Education (RFSU) published a book "intended to dispel some of the myths surrounding the hymen and virginity." The book describes what the female genitals actually look like and what the hymen (whoops, sorry, vaginal corona) really is.

Apparently, the word "hymen" comes from the Greek word for membrane. In Swedish, the word of hymen was mödomshinna, which translates literally as "virginity membrane." However, the book explains that the hymen is actually made up of folds of mucous membrane. They also describe the appearance of the hymen:

Every woman's corona looks different - just like ear lobes, noses and labia - and differs in size, colour and shape... It is slightly pink, almost transparent, but if it's thicker it may look a little paler or whitish. It may resemble the petals of a rose or other flower, it may be carnation-shaped, or it may look like a jigsaw piece or half-moon.

Pretty!

More importantly, the booklet points out that the hymen has little to do with virginity. There is no such thing as "breaking" the hymen. The corona can be torn slightly, or experience minor trauma, but since the tissue is elastic, it is never entirely ruptured. Contrary to popular belief, the book claims that the hymen also can't be broken by a bike seat or riding a horse. RFSU secretary general Åsa Regnér explains:

The vaginal corona is a permanent part of a woman's body throughout her life. It doesn't disappear after she first has sexual intercourse, and most women don't bleed the first time. The myths surrounding the hymen were created to control women's freedom and sexuality. The only way to counteract this is by disseminating knowledge.

In order to do this, the RFSU has translated the book into several languages commonly spoken in Sweden. It makes for an interesting read - the discussion of the virginity myth is particularly good - and has taught me a couple new things about my lady parts. Unfortunately, I'm not sure the name is going to stick. While I only have good associations with the word "corona," its too hard not to think of it "with lime" rather than "carnation-shaped mucous membrane." And frankly, I prefer the former.

Time For More Accurate Terminology: Hymen Renamed "Vaginal Corona" [RFSU]
Hymen, I Hardly Knew Ya [Feministe]
Vaginal Corona Booklet (PDF) [RFSU]

Dear Aretha & Susie,

A year and half ago I was put on Paxil to treat my crippling panic attacks and ever-worsening agoraphobia. It worked great! No more panic attacks...but also no more orgasms and a seriously decreased libido.

I read that those side effects usually went away within a couple months, but with me, they didn't. Earlier this year I went off the Paxil for a few reasons (like my orgasms and libido) and it was amazing. I was afraid I'd lost the ability to orgasm, but after I'd been medication-free for a few weeks, I was able to come hard, and multiple times. For a couple of months I masturbated every day, and enjoyed it so much. However, the panic attacks and anxiety came back. I went back on the Paxil.

I've been in a new relationship for the past two months. It's the best sex I've ever had, and I get a lot of pleasure out of it, but it is frustrating not to orgasm. I would love to be able to come with my new partner. Within the past month, I've even decreased my dose of my medication from 20mg to 10mg, hoping it would help— it hasn't.

The only way I can come is if he goes down on me and I need a lot of stimulation- clitoral and vaginal. Even then I don't always get there. I've had a few orgasms this way— it takes a long time, but I am always ecstatic when it does happen.

I suppose my question is, why do SSRIs have this side effect? What can I do to combat it while on the medication? I'm 22 years old; I don't want to be having sexual problems right now!

I cannot switch my medication or see my doctor. I am off of my parents' health insurance because I'm not a full time student this semester, so I'm restricted from my doctor and switching my medication. Ideally, I would like to see a therapist and deal with my panic disorder through therapy, but that's not a possibility right now.

-Grace

Aretha: You had to READ about the side effects of Paxil? They should have been the first words out of your doctor's mouth when you discussed an anti-depressant.

Paxil freaks me out. I had some friends in high school who were on Paxil until everyone found out that Paxil caused a lot of children and young adults to have suicidal thoughts, and in some cases, suicide. You're under 25? You should read this.

Frankly, if you're only having problems with your libido, I think you are getting off light.

Susie: Don't forget the birth defect issues. And you're newly in love with your boyfriend… you have motive to be concerned about your relationship's future.

Grace, there's a reason you haven't easily found out the why's and wherefores of SSRI's. These drugs and their mental health effects were discovered almost by accident, and physiologists are still arguing about why they work they way they do- or why the results are so different for each patient. Everyone taking SSRI's today is a guinea pig.

I am NOT cavalier about your mental health issues- panic and anxiety can bring your life to a halt. The irony is, Paxil itself is something to be anxious about.

Aretha: The best thing you can do is SEE A DOCTOR. And get your prescription changed. Period. And I would recommend seeing a different doctor next time! I understand you don't have any health insurance, so unless you can pay for a doctor's visit out-of-pocket- you are indeed in a fix.

Susie: You're dependent on your parents for health care. They probably care for you dearly, and you may have other devoted family, as well. These people give a damn about your health. Your panic attacks are of great concern to them- they would care if the treatment you're receiving is making you ill.

Face it, if you broke your leg, your family wouldn't say, "Too bad, you're only a part-time student, you can just stay home and make your own cast."

I know you're thinking, "I can't tell my parents, 'it's an emergency, my sex life is bumming out on Paxil.'" I understand that sexual dysfunction is considered a trivial pursuit by some, not essential to your physical or mental health. Even you act like, "Hey, I can get by."

I would encourage you to think of your entire brain stem and cerebral cortex with more care. Your difficulty with orgasms is symptomatic of enormous changes. Your testosterone may be down, your prolactin may be up, your Paxil is a vaso-constrictor that affects your blood stream as well as your synapses. The action of SSRI's suppresses the engorgement of erectile tissue.

If you tell your family, "I'm getting some relief with Paxil, but there's some weird side effects that are sickening me and I've been reading things too… I want to see a doctor ASAP" — would they refuse you?

If they do refuse (!!!) you need to investigate your school's health clinic. Find out what kind of nutrition, aerobics, meditation, and life-coping skills classes are being offered on your campus at little or no cost to students. Each one of these topics is a SERIOUS BOOK on response to anxiety and panic attacks. Your school's medical staff deals with thousands of students who are battling to stay in school because of mental health problems; they discuss these issues all the time. What about low-cost therapy?

Aretha: I'm familiar with your story about taking "drug holidays" where you STOP taking their drug for a couple of days to get their libido back. Sounds like you already took a long vacation, and you saw what happened. Ideally, all these different approaches should be consulted with a doctor before you do anything, of course!

Susie: It can be problematic to wean off Paxil. You were lucky.

Aretha: I notice you say you're having the best sex you've ever had.

Susie: Long luxurious cunnilingus… yeah, other people are drooling at your sexual dilemma.

Aretha: So, maybe things aren't too bad in the present.

Susie: -At least the short term sex effects. I'm more concerned about the big picture. If I was your mommy, I'd have you in a qualified psychologist's office faster than you can say "dopaminergic neurotransmission."

Aretha: Until next semester!

Dear Aretha & Susie,

I am 20 years old and I'm a virgin. Usually it doesn't bother me, but lately I've had the feeling that something is wrong with me. The problem isn't that nobody will fuck me, or even that nobody I'm attracted to will fuck me.

I'm 5'4", 240 pounds, and it makes me feel completely neutered.

I can honestly say I've never felt sexy in my life! If someone tries to get close to me, I become so self-conscious that I withdraw. I don't know what to do.

The obvious answer is lose weight, and I'm working on it, but part of me knows that the weight is just the peak of my self-esteem iceberg. How can I get over this? Do I just need a ton of therapy?

Luv,

Bummer City

Aretha: I think you are smart to point out that it's not your weight that's the base problem; it's a self esteem issue.

Susie: There are fat women who are digging sex and falling in love. There are 36-24-36-type individuals who are alone in their room, depressed, so shy they don't know where to begin.

Aretha: You just gotta say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh-darn it, people like me!"

Susie: I think seeing the entire Stuart Smalley movie is essential, at least once a year.

Aretha: Look, fuck the weight calculations for now. Look around at what else is going on in your life… are you getting outside and getting enough exercise? Do you feel rested in the morning; do you have a fulfilling diet?

Susie: I'd encourage you to think of your "neutered" feelings as a health symptom. Are you depressed in other respects? Have you talked to any health-care pros about your medical history? How is your weight- or other issues, which you haven't mentioned- affecting your life? The sex stuff is one clue.

You have to go at this thing holistically… it's not your size versus your sexiness. Your "absence of feeling" is distressing. But you don't need a "TON" of therapy... you need a plan and small steps. And some help to do it. Your weight is just one part of it. These things are too hard to do alone. Aretha and I are so far away… I want you to have people on your side, listening and helping you, who are closer than an email.

Aretha: Do you masturbate? If you don't, I would recommend that you try it. The first step should be all about finding pleasure with yourself before you start tangling with other people and all their issues. When you're alone and you're feeling horny, there's no one else in the room to make you feel self-concious, right? I say, get wild!

Throw away all your icky expectations about what you should be like, what you should be doing, and just try to enjoy being yourself.

I KNOW, easier said than done.

Susie: But what else is there? You're on the verge… you already know you can't go on like you've been.

Aretha: The next time you're with someone and they try to "get close" - and you find yourself pulling away- try to notice what you're doing and PAUSE, just for a second! Ask yourself, "Do I feel safe?" "Do I want to withdraw or do I feel like I need to withdraw because that's what I always do?" "Am I going to be okay if I just stay in the moment with this other person?"

And if you end up pulling away, that's fine. The point would be that you knew what you were doing, and you made a conscious decision instead of just letting your self-esteem steer you around.

Susie and Aretha Update:

Aretha has been demonstrating for social justice, goddammit.

Susie's favorite review of her new book, Bitten, is the line that says: "Strange? Yes. Incredibly hot? Absolutely." Now that's justice for you.

Like Percea before her, Duenos traveled to Western Europe from a country with fewer economic opportunities and in which she is an ethnic minority (Percea is reportedly Roma) to take a low-skill job, only to publicly and famously decide to auction off her virginity in order to give the money to her parents and return to her country. Percea claimed, like many a sex worker before her, that the money was to fund her college education — though it turns out she'd never completed high school — and changed her story that he younger siblings needed it; the 28-year-old Duenos claims her mother has Alzheimer's and she needs the money for her mother's and for her own education. (Suspicious me checked and Grey's Anatomy, where young Meredith's mother's early-onset Alzheimer's is a prominent storyline, just finished its second season in Spain.) Both women proffered medical certificates to "prove" their virginities, though most reputable doctors (and my own personal experience) agree that no examination can definitively prove or disprove the loss of one's virginity.

Basically, what's going on is that these women — like others before them — are traveling to Western Europe (either of their own volition or not entirely) to engage in sex work that is illegal in their own countries. They, or the families sending them there to procure money through sex work, are taking advantage of a legal and social climate where sex work is legal and more acceptable and of the publicity surrounding the stupid virginity-auction trend. They're telling stories that sex workers all around the world use to minimize the stigma or guilt that they and/or their johns feel by claiming their sex work is a selfless or self-improving act encouraged by their families. And it's no mistake that they're women of color in majority white countries — international sex trafficking is often based around stereotypes of race and the sexuality conferred on people because of their race — or that they plan to return home after they engage in sex work and give the money to others once they get there. In the wake of the economic downturn, apparently, the sex tourism industry, which is often decried by women's rights activists as exploitative, is coming to the former tourists, clad in Western clothes and "sanctioned" by these women's families as a way to head off accusations of trafficking. But just because it's someone's mother pimping her out, doesn't make it not trafficking. And it's getting more than a little worrisome.

Woman To Sell Virginity On Net [The Sun]

Earlier: Another Day, Another Dollar, Another Virgin Auctioning Off Her Maidenhead
Like A Virgin
Hymens: The New Old Chastity Belts?

When we posted the original piece, many commenters called Lucy Baxter's quest to help Otto an "epic parenting fail." But after learning more about Otto, you can't help but root for him. He's much like any other 21-year-old: He can quote Shakespeare. He likes burgers and boobs. He fantasizes about women. He likes strippers. And he's really obsessed with sex.

Here's Otto's stripper daydream:

"They pin me on the wall," he says. "They kiss me right on the neck. I unbutton my shirt. It feels very nice. I had a girl. She was on my willy. She jumped on my willy. It's wicked. It feels nice. I have a huge boner. Straight up. It feels lovely. Yep. I want to do it again. She also put her boobs in my face. One of the strippers grabbed my glasses and put them on her nipple. 'Are you naughty?' 'Oh, yes, I'm very naughty.' 'Come on, big boy! Let's take it down to your trousers! Unfasten your belt and let me pull it down and suck on it!'"

Otto sort of puts food and sexy women in the same category: "Burgers with boobs. Stick in an olive-it's like a nipple. And they have legs like bacon. And their bottom is like a steak. And they also have eyes like round biscuits. Actually, their whole body's like a biscuit. I'm hungry for a stripper."

Upon arriving in Vegas at the Hooters Casino Hotel, Otto says: "Lots of hot babes in here!" But then turns to his aide, Bill, and says: "Strip clubs. That's what I want to do."

Otto has had girlfriends (they had Down Syndrome, too) before, but the relationships always ended. The women's "carers" stopped Otto from dating them, and Jeff Gordinier points out, "The parents and caretakers of women with Down syndrome often cut off a relationship because they're afraid of where it might lead."

That's where the trip to Vegas with Bill comes in. Writes Gordinier:

The British government provides a generous stipend to families whose children have learning disabilities. In Lucy Baxter's case, she has used that money to bestow upon her son a privilege usually associated with CEOs and box-office stars: an aide-de-camp. This is Bill. He specializes in social work with the disabled. Bill's responsibilities run from helping Otto tidy up his room in the morning to providing counsel on matters of love and personal conduct. Past assistants, Otto's mother says, "have wanted to please me. And the job is not about that. It's about meeting Otto's needs and supporting him, and that's exactly what Bill does. Bill has it absolutely right. He'll guide Otto. He'll sit down and talk to him about issues. But he'll very much leave it for Otto to decide what he wants to do."

What Otto wants to do is party with pretty ladies. Bill and Otto go to a club, and, reports Gordinier,

"Otto acts as though he has died and gone to Sigma Chi heaven. Within seconds he is doing the bump on the dance floor with a curly-haired blonde. He vogues. He spins. He drops to his knees and weaves ribbons of air guitar. The jukebox advances to the Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire" and a bartender shouts above the din, "I love this song!"

"So do I!" Otto shouts back.

It doesn't take long for Otto to own the room. He becomes, within minutes, a magnetic catalyst of debauchery.

Otto plays the Roulette tables aggressively; makes suggestive, sexual comments to women (he says of one waitress, "Hottie, hottie! I'm gonna pay her to strip!" ) and guzzles booze. On some level you have to wonder if he knows what he can get away with. Bill says: "For most guys, the hottest girl is intimidating. so they don't get approached that often. But Otto is not intimidated. He goes right for the jackpot."

Gordinier talks to Karin Melberg Schwier, the coauthor of Sexuality: Your Sons and Daughters With Intellectual Disabilities and the mother of an adult son with Down syndrome, who says, "The old myth is still alive and well that people with Down syndrome are 'eternal children' — they never really grow up. I still bristle every time I see the media referring to a 'child in an adult body.'"

While the story, unfortunately, leaves us hanging — we're not sure whether Otto loses his virginity or not — it's impossible not to hope that this man is able to lead a "normal," healthy life… And that includes sexual activity.

The Greatest Virginity Story Ever Told [Details]
Earlier: Mommy Issues

[Image via Oxford Times]

Lauren, the married woman, said she's tried muscle relaxers and alcohol to loosen up, but to no avail. She's tried dilators, but still that does not work. Even seeing sex in movies makes her uncomfortable. Unfortunately, and not surprisingly, Tyra doesn't seem to be helping matters.

In the new release, Valenti, the founder of Feministing.com and the author of three - yes, three - other books, tackles what she terms the "myth" of female purity and virginity. It's a big topic, encompassing not only the aforementioned issues, but abortion rights, sexual assault, and raunch culture, so I felt a straight book review might not suffice. A Q&A - conducted via email this week and last - appears below.

Q: I was somewhat surprised to find that much of the book focused on "traditional" issues of concern to feminists and progressives - the epidemic of rape and victim-blaming, anti-feminist and anti-choice activism and policy, the "porn"/"raunch" culture and sexualization of young girls - in a book about the idea of female purity. In fact, I got the distinct sense that you broached these other issues as a way of introducing them to readers who might not be familiar with them or the ways in which contemporary feminist thinkers approach them; the book felt, at times, like a crash course in Feminism 101 (or should I say, Feminism 2009). I don't mean to suggest that concern over female virginity and purity isn't linked to these issues, but I wonder if, in your mind, a conversation about ideas of virginity/purity wasn't a convenient, fresh way to introduce the broader concerns among feminists to people unfamiliar with them?

JESSICA: Well, the idea from the book really came about from my covering all of the "traditional" feminist issues on Feministing and finding this purity narrative come up again and again – and seeing the ways the issues were all linked. So yes, part of my political project is definitely to make feminism and feminist issues part of the mainstream conversation. But that wasn't really the larger aim for The Purity Myth. I just don't think you can talk about purity and virginity without looking at the very specific and distinct ways that they influence issues like violence against women, sexualization and reproductive justice. They are all related, unbelievably so, especially when you look at the ways that the conservative movement is using old school ideas about virginity to promote a really regressive agenda for women's rights.

Q: What did you learn about notions and ideas of virginity/purity in cultures outside America, whether Western or not? Why did you choose not to include them? I'd love to hear what you had to leave out, for reasons of space or focus or both.

JESSICA: I would love to see a book exploring these issues in other countries or on a global level – but there are two reasons why I didn't want to broaden the book outside of the U.S. The first being issues of focus and my area of expertise, which of course is U.S.-based; the second is that I think that the U.S. is at this really interesting and historical and cultural point where the over-sexualization of women in the media and pop culture is clashing (and sometimes intersecting) with the conservative movement in this peculiar way that is really specific to the U.S. I'm sure most countries have some form of virginity-fetishizing going on, but the U.S. sure does do it with a particular flair! Where else can you find purity balls and vaginal rejuvenations in the same small town?!

Q: I have to say that I was both amused and annoyed by your college roommate Jen's assertion that sex isn't sex unless you've had an orgasm. Although I agree that it is a "pleasure-based, non-heteronormative way of marking intimacy," I also think it discounts the fact that the majority of women cannot orgasm easily from sex - penetrative or not. And I wonder if the embracing of the Virginity Movement on the part of young people - male and female - doesn't stem in some part from an ignorance of women's sexuality and the mechanics of female orgasm. Is it easier for some to call the whole thing off than to delve in to the intricacies, details and complexities of female sexuality? Is female sexuality scary to these "purists" in no small part because they do not understand it? And if so, do any of them betray any knowledge of this?

JESSICA: You know, someone else called me on this the other day and I think you're totally right. So now it's back to the drawing board on how to mark sex!

I also think that you're right that a lot of the virginity movement stuff is mired in a real fear of female sexuality and ignorance of women's sexual pleasure. I mean, a large part of their message is that women don't enjoy sex as much as men and that's why it's important for us to be chaste! The only time it seems to be okay for women to enjoy sex is within the confines of a marriage, and even then you should be enjoying yourself because you're doing God's work and having babies, not because you might like the actual act.

Q: I found it interesting and very timely that, just 24 pages into the book, you counted "pageant queens who run on abstinence platforms" as part of a group of women whom Americans honor for not having sex. What are your thoughts on Miss California, Carrie Prejean, who has become an anti-gay marriage activist and, I believe, is a self-described virgin? How does she fit into the Purity Myth, and how does the purchase - by the Miss California organization - of breast implants for her (which in my mind, serve as a way in which to increase her sexual marketability) work with and/or against this Purity Myth?

JESSICA: I know, it's so telling that these pageant stories keep coming up over and over again! I didn't realize that Prejean identified as a virgin; that makes sense though. I've written about her recently, and what really strikes me is how – as I write in the book – American culture enjoys knocking beautiful women down a peg or two. Now, I am certainly no fan of Prejean and I think her bigoted comments are definitely ripe for analysis – but I think there's a way to do that without talking about her breasts, or trying to slut shame her. And that's what the bulk of the media coverage has been about – enjoying her fall from the pedestal.

But absolutely, the fact that the Miss California organization subsidized breast implants speaks volumes about the way we value women's bodies. I find it so incredibly hypocritical (though par for the course under the purity myth) that this organization would pay to hypersexualize Prejean and then be upset when a somewhat sexual picture of her pops up. Come on.

Q: I was really interested in your repeated mentions of the absence of women of color in the Virginity Industrial Complex, and how the "desirable virgin is...young, white, and skinny." (I wonder if it's any coincidence that the title of the Abstinence Clearinghouse's 2007 conference was "Abstinence Is a Black and White Issue: Purity vs. Promiscuity".) In your research for the book, did you come across ANY advocates for abstinence and/or abstinence-only education who were men or women of color? Why hasn't this aspect of the abstinence movements been given more press, you think?

JESSICA: Oh my god, even better from the Abstinence Clearinghouse's conference was when one year they had a "Wizard of Oz" theme. One of their panels was named "A Horse of a Different Color" – it was the hip-hop dance group. Yeah.

Regarding the absence of women of color in the perfect virgin model – that's been around for a long time, of course. Feminists like bell hooks have been talking about the way black women's bodies are positioned as hypersexual for years. (Mostly because it's a great way for men to have an excuse for sexual assault – you can't "dirty" something that was already "unclean.")

The thing is, there is certainly an abstinence movement in communities of color and purity advocates who are people of color – but they're not really shown in the mainstream abstinence movement. What do you see in the media? You see purity balls and "perfect virgins." What you're also much more likely to see is the white leadership of purity organizations holding up young white women as examples of perfect virgins. I remember watching this great documentary, Abstinence Comes to Albuquerque, and noticing that all of the teachers and abstinence leaders were overwhelmingly white Christian women, and that many of the students were Latina youth.

When you do see abstinence being targeted at young women of color, there's not the same kind of talk of purity – it's more about targeting a group of women that the movement has already focused on as "troubled," and already-sexual.

Q: I'd also like to hear more about the complex intersection of chastity movements with various feminist movements regarding both movements' denunciation of the sexualization of young girls and the marketing of consumer goods to them (i.e. t shirts, panties, etc. with "naughty girl" messages.) What do you think about this crossover? Is there one? Are there other ways in which the two camps intersect/agree? Why or why not? What are your general thoughts on this?

JESSICA: Well I think the biggest difference is that the virginity movement denounces the sexualization of young women and girls, but fights back against it with more sexualization. After all, how is it not focusing on young women's sexuality by talking constantly about their virginity or bringing them to purity balls? If you are telling young women over and over that what's most important is their virginity, that what makes them valuable is their chastity – then you're sending the message that it's the body and sexuality that defines who they are.

With the consumer goods, I found it so, so telling that that abstinence educators and purity pushers would rail against sex, female sexuality in particular, and then sell "Virgins are hot" t-shirts! It's just too funny. Of course, folks could argue that third wave feminism does something similar in its adopting pin-up sexuality, etc, but the big difference of course is that with feminists we're choosing what kind of sexuality we'd like to put out there; with the virginity movement it's adults (and a lot of men) deciding what appropriate sexuality is for younger women. It's anyone and everyone except young women themselves defining young women's sexuality.

Q: You talk quite a bit about the rise of Real Dolls in Chapter 4. What do you think those in the Virginity Movement would make of these dolls and the men who use them? According to their definition of what "sex" is, a male penetrating a real doll would not be "sex" - therefore, I assume that the use of one by a male "virgin" would be a way of maintaining his integrity?

JESSICA: Well, a lot of folks in the virginity movement think that any sexual activity – even masturbation – is sex, so I'm sure they would disapprove! What I found really interesting about Real Dolls, and why I focused on them, is that they pretty much embody what the virginity movement (and our porned culture) thinks of as the perfect woman: there for male pleasure, and unable to voice any opinion whatsoever.

Q: A lot has changed since you researched and wrote this book - the election of a new president, the resignation of a Supreme Court justice, a renewed focus on women's health, gains towards same sex marriage rights in various states etc. - how do you see the events of the past few months affecting the realities regarding abortion rights and sex education you described in the book? How do you see them affecting the virginity movement, with its focus on "sex" as heterosexual intercourse, and its definition of "marriage" as being between a man and a woman?

JESSICA: A lot has definitely changed – and for the better. But unfortunately, I don't think the new administration and some of the legislative gains are going to mean the end of the virginity movement or the obsession with young women's virginity. I think it's incredibly important, of course, that we continue to fight those policy battles – but we have a whole culture to take on as well, and that's the harder fight. Abstinence organizations are in the process of rebranding themselves right now – especially after all of the recent public embarrassments they've gone through from Bristol Palin to study after study proving their infectiveness. So I don't think they're going anywhere. It's up to us to make sure that we fight back against them even harder now, not rest on our laurels.

Q: I'm also curious about the intersection of the Virginity Industrial Complex with the Wedding Industrial Complex. In fact, in Chapter 5, you quote Martha Kempner as saying that abstinence only programs and "educators" are sending the message that "purity is the most important thing and what [young women] should be striving for is a wedding." I'd like to hear you explore the intersection of virginity industry and the wedding industry a little more.

JESSICA: Yes! Well, the big climax (if you will) for virginity movement gals is getting married naturally – because that's when you get to have sex! So many abstinence classes and messages are framed around weddings, marriage and having children. (My favorite example of this is an abstinence billboard that shows a woman in a wedding dress and the tagline: Wait for the bling.) Politically and socially I find it awful because it's promoting this really regressive message that the most important thing to women is getting hitched. I find it personally pretty obnoxious as well because there's a really explicit message there that if you do wait to have sex, then your marriage is better and more pure than others'. That kind of gross moral superiority just pisses me off.

Q: One last thing. Am I sick for giggling maniacally and thinking "impure" thoughts after reading the passage on page 68 from a purity ball promotional item in which the young girl, Katie, goes on a "date" with her dad and says, in response to what flavor of ice cream she would like, says, "I'll have chocolate, Daddy"?

JESSICA: Maybe a little sick, but no sicker than the most of us.

Jessica Valenti is the founder and editor in chief of Feministing.com. In addition to The Purity Myth, she is the author of He's A Stud, She's A Slut, Full Frontal Feminism and co-author of Yes Means Yes. Questions for her? Leave them in the comments and we'll try to get answers.

We weren't familiar with the Armenian ritual of the "red apple," in which - even today - the groom's family inspects a bridal couple's bedsheets to ascertain the bride's virginity. If the requisite virginal blood is found, tradition dictates that the groom's family send the bride a bowl of red apples. Says the OTL blog, "While not everyone practices this tradition, as there are different types of classes, families, interests and localities in Armenia, everyone knows of The Red Apple."

To mark International Women's Day, a group of women staged a "burying the red apple" march, in which they quite literally submerged a series of the symbolic objects in soil, to protest the inherent double-standard of the archaic tradition. As the Frontline Blog put it, "There is a simple argument here - either one accepts men and women are equal in dignity, or one does not. If a man is expected to lose his virginity before getting married, and a woman is supposed to keep hers, there is something fundamentally wrong and illogical." The ritual may seem archaic to us, but the march has generated controversy. Said one agitated bystander, somewhat baffingly, to a Global Voices reporter, "Let them march and the next thing you know, narcotics addicts will want to stage their own demonstrations too."

When the ritual began, the marital age was so young that the "red apple" was taken for granted, but it's dangerously anachronistic in the 21st Century. Of course, Armenia is probably more invested in preserving embattled cultural iconography than we in the U.S. can understand, given a history in which cultural identity has come under systematic attack. But it's fairly clear that this is more than a simple relic of patriarchal symbolism: the value of virginity is real. And, naturally, emblematic of larger issues. Says Frontline Club,

think the aim of the march was to raise questions regarding women's rights and their choices in general, and those issues are not really so different – the red apple is just the ceremony of celebrating no choice! because while virginity and purity may be celebrated by two lovers, i don't see what exactly is being celebrated by the neighbors, relatives, and the wider public

While some say the concern is overblown - that very few families actually hold to the tradition - a post on Armenia.newseurasia.net is eye-opening: one blogger talks about being forced to help a bride manufacture a bloodstain and a commenter adds, "I've had a number of girlfriends in Armenia intentionally bleed on the sheets on their wedding night so that their new in-laws see. Sometimes this involves cutting a finger."

Armenia: International Women's Day Action Sparks Virginity Debate [Global Voices]
The Red Apple [armenia.newseurasia.net]
Bury The Red Apple [OTL]
Burying The Red Apple [Frontline Club]

She's also published some long responses from readers about why they waited or are waiting for marriage to have sex — and not all of them are high schoolers. Mostly (you guessed it) they're religious, think that it's wrong, want it to be special and are scared of pregnancy and disease (who isn't?).

The real interesting thing about that is that 76 percent of women of my generation lost our virginities by the age of twenty. Some 97 percent of adults have premarital sex. So the 50 percent of women taking Goddard's survey who report waiting currently or having waited represent about 1.5 percent of adults in this country (assuming it's a relatively even distribution of male and female virgins).

What this indicates to me (of course) is that Goddard has a pretty conservative audience for a blog about sex and relationships — but that readership is probably closely tied in to Glamour's readership and demographic as well. So is this why the ladymags' sex advice sounds so crazy sometimes (see: hair scrunchie on his balls for a beej)? Because it's being written for a demographic of virgins and women who waited until marriage? Or because it's even possibly written by such women?

Poll: Are You Waiting to Have Sex Until Marriage? [Smitten]
True Dating Confession: "I Won't Have Sex Until My Wedding Night" [Smitten]

Related: Wait Until Marriage? 'Extremely Challenging' [Washington Post]

Ingraham kicked things off with a little plug for her book, then encouraged Dylan to think about "eternity" and "the legacy you're gonna leave behind." When that didn't work, she tried to make Dylan feel guilty about treating her body like "a commodity." Ingraham asked, "you don't think God helped create the human form and that God has a special plan for you?" And Dylan responded, "we all use our bodies for work."

Ingraham then accused Dylan of being lazy, asking "do you ever plan on getting a real job?" She plowed right on through with the laziness argument, even though Dylan said she currently has two jobs. When she asked what would happen if a bunch of people got together and paid Dylan to stay a virgin, Dylan said, "there's so many more places people should donate their money."

Perhaps the most telling segment of the show, however, was when Dylan's MySpace friend Raquel called in to offer her support. Raquel talked about her sex change, then asked why Ingraham was spending time harping on Dylan when she should be asking Alan Greenspan "where the $531 trillion worth of derivatives went." Ingraham first insisted on referring to Raquel by her birth name of Bruce, and then told her that "there are some things more important than money." To which Dylan responded, "virginity's not one of them to me."

The truth is, Alan Greenspan's choices are more important to Americans than Natalie Dylan's, and Ingraham didn't have Dylan on the show because she cares about morality. She cares about ratings, and Dylan's media ubiquity (today's Daily News has her girl-crushing on Kim Kardashian) demonstrates that ratings are something she can provide. Dylan's very smart, and she seems to have better values than her interviewer (even conservative blog Hot Air mocks Ingraham, calling the interview "just 15 minutes of Ingraham trying to shame this woman into regret. And failing utterly.") But Dylan also comes off as extremely mercenary. Ingraham speculates that she won't actually go through with the virginity sale, and that she'll instead use her newfound notoriety to make money on books and TV appearances. This seems likely. Dylan looks poised to become more fame-whore than real whore — a path unfortunately not open to the many, many prostitutes in the world with fewer resources than her.

Audio: Laura Ingraham interviews woman auctioning off her virginity [Hot Air]
Virgin-for-sale Natalie Dylan says Kim Kardashian would be welcome to buy [Daily News]

Earlier: Tyra: Woman Auctioning Off Her Virginity Says It Is A Feminist Act
Area Woman "Empowered" By Auctioning Her Virginity
What Do You Wish You Knew Before You Lost Your Virginity?

"Ten things to know before losing your virginity" contains some good advice, like "If you don't feel comfortable discussing protection and contraception with your partner, you should not be having sex," and "While not perfect, condoms are the most effective way of preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia and trichomoniasis." But then there's this:

A recent study of sexual attitudes among 14 to 16-year-olds, carried out by researchers from Sheffield University, found that teenage boys thought it was acceptable to pressure girls into having sex and to use alcohol to get them into bed.

And this:

No surprise then that girls are twice as likely as young men to regret their first sexual experience, and they are three times as likely to report being pressured into unwanted sex.

Factoids like these are more scare tactic than tip. If you know and trust your partner — and understand what you want — you don't need a research study to tell you whether to have sex. On the other hand, we all have a few things about sex we wish we knew the first time. What are yours?

American Woman, 22, Auctions Off Virginity For £2.5m...But Waiting For A Better Offer [Daily Mail]
Ten Things To Know Before Losing Your Virginity [Times Online]

Earlier: Like An Artificial Virgin
Area Woman "Empowered" By Auctioning Her Virginity
5 Things Every Female Virgin Should Know And No One Will Tell Her

A reader tipped us off to the "Artificial Virginity Hymen", which the company, Gigimo, claims "will expand a little and make you feel tight." The hymen also includes a packet that is activated during sex, which will "ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount." As if that wasn't horrifying enough, the company claims, "Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable."

Is this what we've come to? That women have to order a fake virginal hymen over the internet, to "pass through undetectable" to men who only want to sleep with virgins? In checking the site I noticed that there wasn't any "Artificial Virginity Penis" for sale. Perhaps that's because the company figures that reliving those awesome 2 seconds of a first time wouldn't be as good for men, eh? Why heavens, no! The male section of the site, of course, offers male enhancement products created to give men stamina and size. Though any man who would ask you to use an "Artificial Virginity Hymen" probably doesn't need such items, as he's most likely a giant dick already.

Artificial Virginity Hymen [Gigimo]