Bernie Sanders in the Lake of Fire and Brimstone
Lynchburg, VA—Amos 5:24- But let justice roll on like a river, and righteousness like a never-failing stream.
Virginia TV Reporter and Cameraman Killed By Gunman During Live Interview [Update: Shooter Pronounced Dead]
Update, 2:07 p.m.:
Alleged WDBJ Gunman Filmed Murder of TV Crew and Posted it to Facebook and Twitter [Updating]
The alleged gunman in the murder of a Virginia TV reporter and cameraman this morning has been identified by police as Vester Lee Flanagan, who anchored WDBJ for one year using the name Bryce Williams. Someone identifying themselves as Williams on Twitter has confessed to the shooting and uploaded video footage of…
Charges Dropped Against Martese Johnson, UVA Student Beaten by Officers
All charges have been dismissed against Martese Johnson, the black 20-year-old University of Virginia student who was beaten and violently arrested in March by special agents from the state Alcoholic and Beverage Control agency, who wrongly suspected him of having a fake ID. Johnson was charged with public…
Virginia Senate Contender Thinks Gays Should Have Separate Bathrooms
Joe Preston is all about making people comfortable, and the Virginia state senate hopeful wants to make sure gays and lesbians are as comfortable as possible. So he’s suggesting that heterosexuals and homosexuals use different bathrooms. For the comfort of the homosexuals, of course, not because people think they’re…
Catholic School Withholds Diploma Over Girl's Footwear Choice [UPDATED]
A Catholic high school in Fairfax, Virginia is refusing to give a senior her diploma because she wore black sneakers to graduation. Jesus Christ could not be reached for comment.
Virginia Pol Finally Admits He Fathered Child with Teenage Secretary
At long last, former Virginia delegate Joe Morrissey has acknowledged the extremely, extremely obvious: that he had a baby with his former secretary, 19-year-old Myrna Pride. This follows a bizarre incident last week where Morrissey handed a reporter a photo of himself, Pride and the baby, dressed in what looked like…
Pol Who Denied Affair with Teenage Staffer Hands Reporter a Baby Photo
Once upon a time not all that long ago, former Virginia delegate Joe Morrissey served six months in jail for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He was accused of having an affair with and impregnating his teenage secretary, charges he’s always unconvincingly denied. And then yesterday, he handed a reporter a…
On the Road With Perfect Pussy: Cupcakes and Moon-Colored Guitars
In which six overgrown children cram into a van with one drum kit, seven suitcases, three guitars, three cabs, two heads, countless drum machines and pedals, four duffel bags of shirts, six boxes of records, a box of tapes, an unholy amount of ephemera (books, headphones, pillows, Game Boys, smelly shoes, crystals,…
Charlottesville Police: 'No Evidence' to Support UVA Rape Allegations
In a press conference this afternoon, the Charlottesville, Virginia Police Department announced that they are "unable to conclude to any substantive degree" that the gang rape allegations made by University of Virginia student "Jackie" and reported in a November story in Rolling Stone happened in the way that the…
All-Women Sweet Briar College Will Close After 114 Years
Sweet Briar College, a liberal arts school for women located just north of Lynchburg, Virginia, has announced that it will shut its doors after 114 years. The 700-student school cited financial challenges for the sudden shutdown. Although the school has a multi-million dollar endowment, school officials said it wasn't…
Ex-Va. First Lady Maureen McDonnell Gets One Year in Jail for Bribery
Former Virginia First Lady Maureen McDonnell was sentenced to one year in jail Friday for her role in a bribery and corruption scheme that tanked the career of her husband, former Governor Bob McDonnell. The McDonnells took more than $100,000 in "gifts" in exchange for promoting a ridiculous nutritional supplement…
The Plaintiffs Behind the Obamacare Lawsuit Are Your Embarrassing Aunt
Imagine if a right-wing think-tank funded by the Koch bothers approached your weirdo aunt—the one who constantly updates her Facebook with funny pictures about our Kenyan Socialist President, the Democraps, and the insistence that heaven really is for real—and asked her to put her name on a convoluted,…
Church Fires Unwed Mother For Refusing to Marry Fiancé
Apryl Kellam was dismissed from her position at a church day care after refusing to marry her fiancé. Kellam told CBS 6 that she was fired by her supervisor at Staples Mill Road Baptist Church in Virginia because she was in violation of church policy.
Bob 'Transvaginal Probe' McDonnell Found Guilty of Corruption
Former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and his wife Maureen were found guilty of fraud and corruption earlier today. Both cried. Sentencing will happen in January, but McDonnell's life is already in ruins due to the fact that he sold his office's influence to a vitamin salesman.
Same-Sex Marriages Have Been Blocked in Virginia
All same-sex marriages have been stopped in Virginia as of today. The supreme court is now deciding whether to hear the state's appeal against same-sex marriage and is also considering the question of whether same-sex marriage should be legalized nationwide. CONFIDENTIAL TO SUPREME COURT: HELL YES, IT SHOULD BE.
Trial of Virginia Ex-Governor and His Wife Is an Amazing Soap Opera
Virginia ex-governor Bob McDonnell and ex-First Lady Maureen McDonnell are currently on trial for corruption, and even without the schadenfreude that comes from watching a rising whackadoodle star of the GOP be taken down all the pegs, the entire proceeding is at least twice as salaciously soapy and entertaining as…
Man Arrested After Leaving His Kids Locked in Car So He Could Have Sex
A father in Virginia is facing charges after police say he left his children in a car while he had sex with a woman behind an apartment building.
Virginia Lawmaker Refers to Pregnant Women as 'Hosts'
In honor of Valentine's Day, Virginia State Senator Steve Martin presented to the public his state's specialty: a batshit, illogical, misogynistic utterance about women's bodies. Just like they say, Virginia truly is for lovers (of the unborn, that is; it is absolutely not for lovers of women).
A federal judge in Virginia has struck down the state's gay-marriage ban. "Gay and lesbian individuals share the same capacity as heterosexual individuals to form, preserve and celebrate loving, intimate and lasting relationships," wrote U.S. District Judge Arenda L. Wright Allen in the decision. "Such relationships…
