Jezebel: vintage ads

...Or Your Money Back?

Sadie — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:30:00 EST

Do you think some groom- or better yet, some random groomsman - ever stormed in the next day, demanding a refund? [Vintage_Ads]

Today's Prize For Fetishizing Virginity Goes To…

Dodai — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 09:20:00 EST

...this vintage ad for Love's Baby Soft: "Because innocence is sexier than you think," it reads, as she slides a hand up her skirt and contemplates sucking on that Lolita-esque lollipop. [Vintage Ads]

"Funky" Jean Jacket Is The Perfect Christmas Gift For Fashionable Teen Boys

hortense — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:00:00 EST

"Remember," notes this amazing vintage ad, "Designer denim jackets are not only for women and children. Men and teenage boys like to be fashionable, too!" And how! This dude looks positively thrilled with his bedazzled gift. [Vintage Ads]

Alpine Cigarettes: Approved By The Mother Of The First Kid Sent By Television

hortense — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 14:10:00 EST

I have no idea what's going on here, you guys. Apparently, "when you think Alpine," you think Mike Teevee's mother vacuuming an insane room alongside a woman who is "not included among your 200 free gifts." Click to enlarge. [VintageAds]

Cast Your Vote!

Sadie — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:30:00 EST

Wave goodbye to the next fifteen minutes of your workday, because you now have to go to Copyranter's "retro sexism-off" and vote for your favorite Sterling-Cooper-worth golden oldie! Will it be the MILF? The Sylph? The Tab Temptress? [Copyranter]

"Unique" Always Has Such An Ominous Ring

Sadie — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 19:30:00 EST

...as does unlimited in-air malt liquor. [Vintage_Ads]

"O-O-Oh, Santa— I Just Love That Microsheen Shine!"

hortense — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:55:00 EST

Miss Microsheen here is apparently quite impressed by Santa's shiny shoes, as the Microsheen shine tells people that Santa is "really going places," though I'm still not sure which places this ad wants our minds to go. [VintageAds]

"Play Safe With Your Young Ones—Make Sure They Get Sugar Every Day."

hortense — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:45:00 EST

The next time anyone gives me crap about eating Pop-Tarts with a side of Sweet Tarts for breakfast, I'm going to show them this vintage ad, which praises the powers of sugar, claiming that "sugar's got what it takes." [VintageAds]

"Do It Yourself… Make The Most Of You… Blow Up!!"

Dodai — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:30:00 EST

Christmas 1960 was… pointier than Christmas 2009 — specifically "G," the "Venus" number. And was "E" supposed to be worn over a long-sleeved shirt? Click to enlarge. (That's what she said.) [Vintage Ads]

Peggy Olson Was Totally Team Jacob

hortense — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:50:00 EST

Sparkly vampires may be all the rage now, but as you can see from this vintage Cutex lipstick ad, at one point in time it was quite fashionable to choose between Team Jacob's Grandfather and Team Hot Mummy. [VintageAds]

You Can Read About Women With Run-Free Pantyhose, Or You Can Become Them

Lindsay — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:45:00 EST

Even baby-feminist Peggy Olson would have a problem with the way they threw the word "disarming" in there just so nobody thinks Mystrece pantyhose make these not-so-quietly sensational women too powerful or uppity. And she looks so comfortable! [Vintage Ads]

Luckily For All The "Real Men" Out There...

Sadie — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:40:00 EST

Even the skinniest of minnies will be putting on plenty of "firm, attractive inches" this weekend! [DietChronicles]

Ok, We Promise We'll Stop Referencing Mad Men

Sadie — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:30:00 EST

But, come on: who could resist a Joan reference here?! [Vintage_Ads]

"There's A Man-Sized Feeling Of Power In Smoking A Cigar…"

Dodai — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:30:00 EST

How exactly does it "bring out the caveman"? Why is she the one in a Jungle Jane ensemble? And aren't the club and the cigar phallic symbols? So many questions. [Vintage Ads]

This Was Not The Work Of Don Draper.

Sadie — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:30:00 EST

We don't think, that is.

"Put A Scoop Of His Favorite Ice Cream Or Sherbet In A Tall Glass"

Dodai — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:30:00 EST

The part about making a float for yourself comes much later in the text, ladies. Men first. [Vintage Ads]

Got A Girlfriend? Got A Boyfriend?

Sadie — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:30:00 EST

Whatever, everyone likes a saucy minx in a swimsuit, ballet slippers and miniature sunbonnet! [Vintage_Ads]

"Superbly Sculpted By A European Artist"

Dodai — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:40:00 EST

The "erotica" phone is the "ultimate conversation piece," get it? Put the hole close to your mouth to begin. Are you at all surprised that the price is $69.95? [Vintage Ads]

Nancy Sinatra Takes Us On A Mad, Mad Trip Through The World Of RC Cola

hortense — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:30:00 EST

In this swingin' commercial from 1967, Nancy Sinatra dances around in silk pajamas and sings about the greatness of RC Cola, which apparently tastes great in a wine glass (who knew?). Do you think Don Draper would approve? [VintageAds]

Wearing A Nice Suit Makes You King Herod Or Somthing

Dodai — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:20:00 EST

Are these women about to do the dance of the seven veils? By the by: that "vixen under the veil" fetish? It's been going on a long time. [Vintage Ads]