So you never saw the fantastic picture of a grim-faced Michael Rapaport standing amongst the wall to wall filth NL's filled her place with?

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The cuter the top, the greater the chances it will not fit you. If is happens to fit in the arms and length, the logo on the front will be stretched so tight across your boobs that you looks obscene.

Strappyless? Halter? Not here. You will never be seen without a bra on. While you're at it, you can forget one piece swim suits. They don't make any that fit. You are destined to tankini's/ bikini's for eternity.

When you are cold, everyone is going to know it. They won't tell you that your high-beaming, but instead sit back and enjoy the free show. You might notice yourself however when you scratch your arm on your razor sharp nipple. Again, the protective hunch will develope in time.

People will "accidently" brush against you. They like to do this at bars, tight hallways and on public transit. They will say "excuse me" all the while raising their arms higher or lower to brush up against you again. They won't thank you for it either. Bastards.

Your mother will talk about your chest more than what is appropriate.

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RUN UNLESS WEARING PROTECTIVE GEAR. ie: sports bras... and don't think you will get away with wearing just 1 either. Oh no, personally I do 3, minimum. usually 1 underwire and 2 sport.

The sight of speed bumps will bring tears to your eyes.

Never close a hard cover book to quickly. Much like males and the too hasty zip up. Its not pretty kids.

Babies grab your breasts. They don't know any better. It's the mortifying "Oh, someones looking for lunch!" that's the problem. Shut up, feed your kid.

People will try to name them. Don't let them, unless they come up with something that will let you keep your dignity. Fuck that "lefty and lopsy" shit.

You will never be seen in a pretty bra. You will not be using any words like, "lacey" or "sexy" whilst shopping for your under armor. No frilly soft pretty things here. Large breasted ladys have inch wide straps, underwire and beige. That's it. Partys over. We wonder the earth looking like a 1950's nurse who's into S&M and has torpedo tits that rival madonna's.

They itch. It's true. You will find yourself leaning over at a desk rubbing your chest on the edge. You get it down to a fine science so people won't know what your up to. It first starts happening when you hit puberty. Your mom says it's just because your "growing" you soon find out this is a dirty lie.

Your back hurts. All the time.

Boys won't know what to do with them. They will opt for a mix of lifting and lowering. Licking in random places, blindly hoping to hit a spot that you will like.

You sometimes will drop food/and or drinks in your cleavage. ie popcorn. People will think this is hysterical.

You may, from time to time. Lean over a table to reach for something and will end up dipping your chest into to some type of sauce. Yes you will be humiliated. No, you probably couldn't have avoided it.

People will refer to you as "Sweet Tits"

You will lose something, turn your house upside down looking for said item, and then find it when it drops out of your bra while changing into your PJ's. Yes it happened to me. No, I don't want to talk about it.

You will catch yourself leaning on a table, counter or desk. I understand that it feels good to take a load off once in a while but try to stop yourself. You will look rediculous.

Do not, try to get away with buying cheap bra's. oh, no. Your tits will look like two orange's in a pair of nylons. Be prepared to shell out at least $80.

AT LEAST.

... all in favor of keeping your own knockers, say "aye"

Hello? HELLO? Yeah, that's what I thought.

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Gawker Media's head just exploded.

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Yeah, I'm delusional, right?

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Ah well.

Pete Wentz's favorite feature of Ashlee Simpson's? "I would start with the breasts." At least the boy's honest!

FAIL! Why would anyone tell the world that that was their favourite part of their wife?

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Also, sometimes if you stare at him hard enough, he can look like a dude Kiki Dunst. It's cray cray.

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Note to future Mr.MaryMartha:
If anyone ever asks you that stupid ass question if you reduce me to a body part, we are DONE. Pack your bags, leave, get out, don't look back, because baby, you don't know me.