• Oh no: It's Lindsay Lohan vs. Michael Lohan. Again. Papa Lohan claims he wants a conservatorship, like Britney Spears' dad. That way he can control LL (and her finances?). He says:

"If I can't get a conservatorship, then I'm going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight. But I know I'm going to get charged with kidnapping." According to Radar Online, LL plans to get a restraining order to keep her father away. And guess whose idea that was? "Dina is the one that told her to get a restraining order," Michael Lohan says. "But you know what? I'm still going to try to do everything with the courts to try and get Lindsay better." [MSNBC]

• Balthazar Getty and Lindsay Lohan? Seen "all over each other"??!?! [Page Six]
• Madonna made over $110 million last year, and her Ray of Light foundation is worth $6 million — but she only gave away $500,000 to charity. Some went to Raising Malawi — which this column points out is a front for the Kabbalah Center; some went to Kabbalah's Spirituality for Kids; some went to Jewish Big Brothers/Sisters of Los Angeles. Madonna did not donate any money to AmFar or any charity conducting AIDS research. [Showbiz 411]
• A source says Madonna and Guy Ritchie have unfinished business. "The truth is both Guy and Madonna are becoming more and more open in their admissions that in many ways they regret getting divorced… It's one of those rare situations where couples start to get on better once their marriage is over." [MSNBC via The People UK]
• A Swiss court has ordered Roman Polanski to stay in jail — and rejected an offer of bail — because the filmmaker poses a flight risk. [AP]
• Johnny Depp is joining his fave Brit band, Babybird, as a guitarist and has already directed the video for a new single. Who wants to go stand in the crowd and shout, "Play 'A Pirate's Life For Me'"? [The Sun]
• Justin Timberlake's mom seems to think he is still with Jessica Biel. When asked what kind of woman she wants to see her son with, Lynn Harless said: "The one he's with now is awesome." She also pointed out: "He's found someone that'll golf with him, give him a hard time when he deserves it and stand up to him." O rly? [Ok!]
• Officials from the Miss California USA pageant would like to have the money they gave Carrie Prejean for a breast augmentation back. [TMZ]
• DVR alert: Michelle Obama will be on The Jay Leno Show on Friday. [NY Daily News]
• At this link you'll see something you never wanted to see, and once you see it, you can't unsee it: Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman. Kissing. In a horse-drawn carriage in New York. [NY Daily News]
• Over the weekend, Jon Gosselin was at Central Synagogue's Values To Heal America event, getting advice from Newark Mayor Cory Booker, writer Elie Wiesel, CNN contributor Dr. Mehmet Oz, and TLC star Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. [Page Six]
• Poor Salman Rushdie! He survived a fatwa, but he misses Padma Lakshmi so much he can't stop talking about her. [Page Six]
• The creator of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition says he spoke with Balloon Dad Richard Heene about a possible reality show a month ago — a show in which the kids would chase storms — and the CEO says and Heene is a "liar." Heene said he hadn't pitched his show to anyone else, but he'd already met with TLC. [TMZ]
• "Balloon Dad's Wife Swap Costar Saw Temper." Sheree Silver lived with Falcon and his dad during filming and says he was like a "mad scientist" who would yell and scream at her. Silver says she tried making him his "space eggs" – yolks on top of the egg white – just like his wife. but when she cut into the yolk with her knife and fork, Richard yelled, "Oh my God. You just killed the mother ship." [People]
• John Mayer's birthday was a sausagefest, with Seth Meyers, Stephen Dorff and Jeremy Piven in attendance. Jennifer Aniston was nowhere to be seen. [Page Six]
• John Mayer is doling out advice to Tween Queens Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato. [People]
• Russell Brand is getting Katy Perry a petting zoo of fake animals for her 25th birthday. In addition, the picture at the link reveals that he wears blue underpants from American Apparel. [The Sun]
• Dr. Nathalie Maullin, a psychiatrist who treated Anna Nicole Smith for drug dependency, testified that she tried to set up a program to wean the pin-up off prescription painkillers but found the her uncooperative and hostile during her stay in the hospital. [AP]
• The IRS is trying to get tax money from Anna Nicole Smith's estate — two and a half years after her death. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's dad Mitch will speak to Members of Parliament about how drug addicts should be treated. He won't focus on his daughter but he will point out that there's a gap between celebrities who can afford to check into expensive rehab clinics like the one Amy was in — and regular people who cannot get help. [Daily Mail]
• Someone stole Michelle Trachtenberg's cab. Or vice versa. [Page Six]
• It's a fierce off! Catwoman Julie Newmar versus ANTM's Adrianne Curry as Wonder Woman. [Gatecrasher]
• Kylie Minogue's Bollywood debut has been panned by critics, who called her "as sexy as a fat housewife in a kaftan." Rude. [News.com.au]
• Good Hair will open nationwide on Friday, now that a judge has seen both Chris Rock's film and My Nappy Roots, which rock is accused of ripping off. The filmmaker of My Nappy Roots is prepared to go to trial, though: She wants $5 million in compensation and damages. [E!]
• Viggo Mortensen lost weight for his flick The Road, but after filming was over, he "went out and made a swine" of himself. [Mirror]
• Edward Furlong's estranged wife is seeking to dismiss the restraining order she had placed against him, saying, "We're actually friends… We're not having a bad divorce… We just ran into some issues." [People]
• Mel Gibson's son William Gibson is "appalled" by the humiliation of his mom what with Mel's divorce, Russian mistress, pregnancy, etc. So he's becoming a missionary in Africa. [MSNBC]
• On the subject of Mel Gibson, TMZ founder Harvey Levin is saying the Los Angeles County sheriff's department illegally obtained his phone records while it was investigating who leaked a report about Mel's 2006 DUI arrest and anti-Semitic rant. [AP]
• Mamie Gummer, daughter of Meryl Streep, is engaged to actor Ben Walker. [UPI]
• "An estimated 450 people attended a reception in Dublin following the private funeral and cremation of Irish pop star Stephen Gately, sources told the BBC." [UPI]
• Whatshername said something on TV that had to be edited out. [Daily Star]
• "People are alluding to the fact that I may have been high on something but I can only say I wasn't — because I wasn't. Unless someone spiked my drink and I would have noticed. I know what various drugs feel like. It's the same as the deer in headlights, the deer's not on anything other than fear. I'd had a few coffees before I went on, that's all." — Robbie Williams denies he was on drugs during a shaky appearance on The X Factor. [The Sun]
• "Hilary Swank… has been a good friend of mine for years, and we've always talked about working together. I suppose we kind of kept our eyes open for something. She called me about Amelia just as I arrived to start shooting I Love You, Phillip Morris, and we struggled for quite some time, but I really wanted to make it work dates-wise. So I literally made the two films at the same time, flying back and forth from Toronto." — Ewan McGregor. [Daily Express]
• "She is the only girl. It is the first Lowe girl born in 72 years. She's got a lot of doting uncles and cousins. She is beloved." — Chad Lowe on daughter Mabel. [People]
• "I love wearing high heels, I love wearing silk stockings and I love wearing hot pants. In those three, I feel like a Thirties tough girl. If I didn't look in the mirror, I might just mistake myself for Rita Hayworth or Marlene Dietrich. How great is that?" — Yoko Ono. [Daily Express]
• "I think when the stars are aligned ... and all five of us have our heads on straight and know the direction we're going as a band, it'll eventually happen. If not, I know we'll be best friends forever." — Chris Kirkpatrick actually thinks there might be an 'N Sync reunion. [Gaetcrasher]
• "I'm a size 8 now since losing more than a stone from all the dance training. I've been that small before, but it was when I was taking drugs and was really unhealthy. Now I'm so fit and even my skin looks better — I think it's from all the sweating!" — Kelly Osbourne, who credits Dancing With The Stars for her slender physique. And yes, that's size 8 UK. [Daily Mail]
• "Sadly, I think the only thing we can be sure of now, is 10, 15 years down the road, the E! True Hollywood story: The Gosselin Kids." — Janice Min, former editor in chief of Us Weekly, to Vanity Fair. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "Yes, I'm Twittering. I know how to use it. I'm not a Neanderthal or anything like that. You know when I'm doing something interesting, I put it on Twitter. If I'm not, I don't. I don't walk around Twittering all day. You got to be a retard to walk around Twittering all day. Come on, man, who does that?" — Tracy Morgan. [NY Post]

[West Hollywood, October 7. Image via INFDaily.]

[Toronto, September 13. Image via INF]

[Venice, September 3. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• "We're very much in love. Especially her. We're actually going to tie the knot next Tuesday." — Gerard Butler, joking with Conan O'Brien about the Jennier Aniston rumors. He continued:

"And then on Saturday, I'm marrying Cameron Diaz. Joan Rivers will be the next weekend." [Daily Mail]

• Will Angelina and Brad try to save their "troubled" relationship by making a sequel to Mr. & Mrs. Smith? "This time around the Smiths will have children, and the kids' antics will be part of the story line," says an insider. "[Brad] is hoping they'll fall in love all over again." Consider the source on this, mmkay? [National Enquirer]
• Even though Britney Spears is supposedly dating her agent, Jason Trawick, she's recently spend a lot of time alone with producer Dallas Austin. [Page Six]
• Kiefer Sutherland's headbutt-related court appearance: Postponed. [Mirror]
• After a deadly stage collapse, Madonna's concert in Marseille, France, has been canceled. [Mirror]
• One stage worker was killed yesterday when the roof fell apart at the Velodrome Stadium in Marseilles where Madonna's concert was supposed to take place; another worker passed away today from injuries suffered during the accident. [ET]
• Lady GaGa has been dumped by gentleman friend Speedy after a photo of Ms. GaGa snuggling up to another man made it in to The Sun. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil: Officially divorced. [The Sun]
• So you know how Bethenny Frankel is getting her own show on Bravo, Skinny & The City? Turns out there's already a website called skinnyandthecity.com, and the founder, Tanya Zuckerbrot, is in talks with attorneys. Obviously. [Gatecrasher]
• Robert Pattinson and some buddies drank and ate a whole bunch at a restaurant in New York, and then only tipped $50, which was under 15%. But, the waitress says, they were "very nice and friendly." Work that magic, sparkle vamp! [E!]
• Mischa Barton, who was placed on psychiatric hold at an L.A. hospital last night, is "dealing with a lot of personal issues," says a source. [People]
• Mischa Barton was supposed to take part in a WWD photoshoot for her new show, The Beautiful Life, yesterday. Executive producer Karey Burke told the paper: "She is sick. She has to get well so that she can be healthy in order to start actual production next week." [WWD]
• Here we go, you knew this was coming: "Drugs, alcohol and out-of-control partying have been a central part of rehab-graduate Mischa Barton's life for at least two years." And a source says she went to a Cold War Kids show in February and "She tried to hook up with the lead singer but was turned down and ended up coming on to the drummer. She was a mess." [RadarOnline]
• "Judd Apatow's new movie, Funny People, is a two-hour-and-20-minute film about a comedian with a deadly illness. It was shot by the cinematographer who did Schindler's List.… [The movie] is a risky departure from the comedic formula that Mr. Apatow first employed in 2005 with The 40-Year-Old Virgin and refined with 2007's summer hit Knocked Up." [WSJ]
• Jack McBrayer, who plays Kenneth The Page on 30 Rock, got his very first Emmy nomination! He says his character's relationship with Alec Baldwin's character Jack Donaghy is key: "I could not be more honored to work with him. I swear to God. [Laughs.] First season we were all scared to death of him." [E!]
• Behold: A book containing a collection of images and poems; "trees and the memory of trees, ghosts, words, nights, days, lives, deaths, and safe haven for them all…" "If you daren't enter the forest, or cannot find it, then perhaps you might find one tree, or a place where a tree could be, and just stop for a quiet moment to see what happens." The book's author? Viggo Mortensen. [Perceval Press]
• Orlando Bloom was back in L.A. yesterday to check on his home, which was broken into earlier this week. When pestered on video, he says, "Worse things have happened, it's really not a story." [TMZ]
• Debbie Rowe is suing a woman for allegedly fueling reports that Rowe is willing to surrender her custody rights over her two children with Michael Jackson for millions of dollars. [ET, TMZ]
• Pepsi responds to the recently released footage of Michael Jackson being burned while filming a Pepsi commercial: "We don't know how the footage became available. Twenty-five years later, we'd question why anyone would want to share such frightening images," says Pepsi spokeswoman Nicole Bradley. [Rolling Stone]
• A fire captain who was at the Pepsi commercial filming blames the director, whom he overheard tell Michael: "Stand [under the sparks] longer, you'll look more majestic." [TMZ]
• Katherine Jackson is finally grieving: "She's been crying a lot. Her eyes are constantly red. She can't believe Michael is gone." [People]
• The LAPD has already been treating Michael Jackson's death as a homicide; now the probe is being called a criminal investigation. [TMZ]
• The L.A. County Coroner's office needs another two weeks before it releases the Michael Jackson autopsy report; several outside consultants have not finished their reports, and all tests results are not in. The coroner will not release partial results. [TMZ]
• Okay, this report is insane. Paul Gohranson, the former gay lover of Dr. Arnold Klein, claims that Michael Jackson's father "beat him sterile." Gohranson says: "I asked Arnold why couldn't Michael Jackson use his own sperm and he said Michael was unable to produce kids, physically. Arnold told me of two occasions that Michael Jackson said he was hit in his private area… Joe said something like: 'You're a sissy and if you're a sissy then you don't need balls' and proceeded to hit him…" There's more. [The Sun]
• Tito Jackson says Michael was "so quick" that father Joe couldn't catch him, when Joe wanted to beat Michael with the belt. But you know, siblings remember things differently. [NY Times]
• Warren Beatty doesn't want cameras at his deposition in a dispute with the Tribune Co. over the rights to cartoon detective Dick Tracy. [AP]
• A man threw a bicycle into the path of James Caviezel while he was riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle, and Caviezel suffered cuts and bruises. According to a state trooper, the man may have have thrown the bike due to "mental issues." [Mirror]
• "Jackie Bissett's Death in Love role inspired by her cat." [LA Times]
• "After two kids, you're outnumbered. So once you cross having three, having four is not such a big deal." — Taylor Hanson, on the arrival of his newest child, Viggo Moriah Hanson. [People]
• "I've been heartbroken before, and I didn't want to make light of it. As much as the movie does find humor in it, I don't think the laughs have to be shallow." — Joseph Gordon-Levitt, on new film 500 Days Of Summer. [LA Times]
• "I grew up around a lot of boys, so I'm not bothered at all. But the boys seem to be cutting back and were pretty tame on Funny People. On Knocked Up, all of them, especially Jonah [Hill] and Jason [Segel], were all about these dirty porn sites I didn't even know existed. Now they have girlfriends and talk more about thread counts and where to get a good duvet cover. Next? Basically, I just want to do a movie where I'm surrounded by women." — Leslie Mann, who is married to Judd Apatow and appears in his movies. [WSJ]
• "I'm in New York right now filming and I'm in heaven. I can't always say that about movies, but to be filming this romantic comedy with Jennifer and a story that made my side split when I read it - I'm lucky. I'm happy as a pig in shit, as they say." — Gerard Butler. [Daily Mail]
• "Where will Blanket be in ten years? Hopefully, upgraded to Quilt." — Tina Fey's Twitter. [NY Daily News]

[Los Angeles, May 4. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• El oh el: It appears none of the celebrity weeklies have bought exclusive rights to pictures of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding this weekend.

A source says they're not worried, because chances are, the pix will end up in all the mags: "They'd rather be on page 50 of Us, People, In Touch or Life & Style than be on the cover of a magazine like OK! that isn't going to sell. They need to make money, and so does the magazine. The formula is changing," spills a source. [MSNBC Scoop]

• In this video of concert footage, Britney's extensions get ripped out of her head and left behind on a couch. [Perez Hilton]
• Kudos to TMZ for the headline, "Britney Weaves It All On Stage." [TMZ]
• Lily Allen celebrated the end of her tour by having a "massive ice cream fight" in her dressing room. But she paid the clean-up bill: "Cost me $2,000. End of tour, time to get mashed." [The Sun]
• In case you forgot that Madonna's boyfriend Jesus Luz has a job, he totally walked the runway in a Jeffrey Fashion Cares fashion show. How do we feel about those white trousers? [WWD]
• Even though Miley Cyrus is with Justin Gaston, is she still hung up on her ex, Nick Jonas? Were they making out recently? Are they MFEO (made for each other)? [Gatecrasher]
• Jay Leno, who hasn't missed work in years, checked himself into a hospital with a "mystery illness." [NY Daily News]
• Paris Hilton's "BFF," Brittany Flickinger, was in a car crash in Hollywood last night; she wasn't wearing a seat belt and slammed her head into the windshield. Luckily, she escaped with only a chipped bone in her leg. [TMZ]
• Behold: Video of Justin Timberlake, in foxy glasses, talking about his mancrush on LeBron James: "He just lights me up!" He also declares Caddy Shack as the best sports movie ever. [Rolling Stone]
• Ashton Kutcher's Twitter can now be considered a place to break new artists; he wrote about an unsigned singer/songwriter named Alex Highton and now the guy's MySpace is blowing up. [Telegraph]
• Guess who stars in one of Kanye West's next videos? Rihanna. Yeezy says, "She's an amazing talent…Collaborating with her is always a pleasure!" [Fashion Week Daily]
• Amy Winehouse's dad flew to St. Lucia yesterday to check on the singer. Will they go horseback riding together? [The Sun]
• Beyoncé wants to do Broadway in a couple of years, when she's settled down and had some rugrats with Jay-Z: "It's my ideal job," she explains. "I'll be able to go to the theater every day and drop my kids off and maybe make some food — maybe I'll know how to cook by then — and then go do what I love and have some normalcy and have a regular schedule." [Reuters]
• Kim Kardashian on Miss California, Carrie Prejean: "I don't agree with her narrow mindedness and neither do a lot of people… Everyone has the right to be happy and be treated equally and I think not allowing gay marriage just kind of puts us back." But KK also says: "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. She stood up for what she believes in so she should be happy with that backlash." [People]
• Is Pam Anderson down and out? Or is Courtney Love high? Wait. Don't answer that. Courtney says: "Pam Anderson doesn't even have a credit card. And she lives in Paradise Cove — which is in Malibu, but it's a trailer park in Malibu." [Page Six]
• This piece about Russell Crowe begins: "He is a man's man - or, rather, he is the kind of man in whom shabby, ageing, overweight, altogether untidy and unresolved males can see their manly image. In other words, Russell Crowe seems more than happy taking very little care of himself, his appearance or his 'glamour.'" Why don't you tell us how you really feel? [Guardian]
• Jerry Seinfeld's grandparents arrived in this country via Ellis Island, and their story will be in the spotlight on May 19, when the Statue of Liberty-Ellis Island Foundation bestows a "family heritage" award on Seinfeld. [NY Times]
• Parker Posey is no longer dating Keanu Reeves and has moved on to a graphic designer and sculptor named Scott Lenhardt. As seen in this picture, they're super happy and adorbs. [NY Mag]
• Aww, pictures of Slumdog Millionaire stars Dev Patel and Freida Pinto nuzzling up to each other over lunch in Israel — where Pinto is filming — will melt your cold, tiny heart. [Daily Mail]
• This report calls Kate Middleton Prince William's "bride in waiting," and notes that it's been discovered that she's related to Swallows And Amazons creator Arthur Ransome. [Daily Express]
• Blogger Julia Allison lives in the same apartment building as Rosie O'Donnell. Wednesday she posted a Twitter which read: "Holy shit. My neighbor Rosie O'Donnell has been having a knock down drag out screaming match with Kelli for the last hour. Sad. :( " Anywho, JA deleted the post, maybe because it's an invasion of privacy, but it's sorta too late. [Ed note: This will be the only mention of Ms. Allison on this blog for all of 2009.] [Gawker]
• Dane Cook was on Larry King Live, talking about his half-brother and former manager who embezzled millions from him: "It's a terrible betrayal. But hopefully justice will be served and I can move on with my life." [ET]
• Sniffle: Elton John, Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger have lost "huge chunks" of their personal fortunes due to the economic crisis. [Reuters]
• Stephen Dorff has joined the cast of the porn industry comedy Born To Be A Star, which is produced and co-written by Adam Sandler. [Variety]
• Blind item! "Which closeted - and married - actor almost had his cover blown when he hit on a straight man in a sauna? Word is the offended dude is now quite wealthy, thanks to a payoff." [Gatecrasher]
• "Although I'm her friend, [I don't want to defend her to her detractors] because that's their right as well. They feel really strongly about their opinion for pro-gay rights, and that's great." — Miss USA on Miss California. [Gatecrasher]
• "I realized I was spending hours and hours in the middle of the night signing autographs. Unless I had assistants forging letters and signatures I knew I couldn't continue. So I posted a message on the internet saying: 'If I can't do it honestly, I won't do it any more.'" — Viggo Mortensen, on answering fan mail. [Daily Mail]
• "He called me and said, 'You know let's do it right away.' It was really emotional. I think the only way he could have come back was right after because his family was all there to support his boys. Liam is heroic. He came back and finished. I think he's trying to absorb [what's happened] ... He's suddenly a single parent with absolutely no preparation for that. But he is surrounded by people that really love him. There is a lot of support." — Director Atom Egoyan, on Liam Neeson, who returned to the set of the film Chloe days after his wife Natasha Richardson died. [People]
• "We're just extremely careful with our shit. I keep a CD with me, I'm the only one who usually has a CD. Maybe me and Dre… Other than that, nobody has it." — Eminem, on how his new album avoided getting leaked. [Rolling Stone]
• "Watching it was horribly unhealthy for me. You think that would help keep me sober, you know seeing myself as this raving lunatic...It absolutely triggered these crazy urges to get loaded." — Steve-O on watching his upcoming documentary about his addiction and recovery. [E!]
• "For some reason people think like if you tell someone they're too thin that's OK. But if you tell someone they're too heavy that's insulting… It hurts either way. I'm the same weight I was before I was pregnant. I've been pregnant for two years in a row. I'm the same weight I was on 90210. I'm the same weight I was before I met Dean and we got married. It's the same." — Tori Spelling. [AP]
• "If you read some of his early-life autobiography, it's horrible... the amount of mental anguish he has to go through, just to have any kind of even vaguely sexual relationship. It's really depressing what he's going through in his head. Dali had a massive fear of penetration – penetrating someone or being penetrated… [As for the love scenes with a man,] I think girls almost really like watching something like that. From what I've read, people really get excited about that – it sounds really sexy!" — Robert Pattinson on playing Salvador Dali. [Independent]
• "Marijuana has always been that drug that united people. It's always been on the verge of being legal. It's hardly a drug really. When people look at marijuana, they look at it as an enjoyment of connecting." — Redman. [NY Daily News]
• "Most of the time, songs that I write end up being finished in 30 minutes or less. 'Love Story' I wrote on my bedroom floor in about 20 minutes. When I get on a roll with something, it's really hard for me to put it down unfinished. — From "10 Questions For Taylor Swift." [Time]
• "I don't even know what 'tweeting' means ... but it sounds dirty!" — Michelle Trachtenberg. [Gatecrasher]

• This report calls Jennifer Aniston "lovelorn" and "notoriously unlucky-in-love" but explains that she has "set her sights" on Gerard Butler, which is "cause for renewed optimism." What does all this really mean? It's simple:

They're going to be in another movie together. [Daily Mail]

• Lindsay Lohan was seen hanging out with Mel B after the Spice Girl's Peepshow revue in Vegas. Also, she maybe exchanged numbers with a GUY. [Daily Mail]
• Jackie Chan told a "business forum" that Chinese people may not need a free society. "I'm not sure if it's good to have freedom or not," Chan said Saturday. "I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want." Pro-democracy peeps are pissed, obvs; one guy says: "He's insulted the Chinese people. Chinese people aren't pets." [MSNBC]
• Kate Hudson turned 30 with a "star-studded" bash on Friday night, but Owen Wilson wasn't there. Who was? Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, Matthew McConaughey, Tobey Maguire, Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwen Stefani, Eva Mendes, Zach Braff and, of course, Cher. [People]
• The woman who broke into Britney Spears' property says she is not a stalker and the "documentary" she was filming while peeping inside Britney's windows with a camera was "paparazzi work preparation" because she would like to do some "paparazzi gigs." [E!]
• Madonna, who fell from her horse in the Hamptons on Saturday, is blaming the paparazzi for jumping out of the bushes and scaring the horse. Of course, she was thrown from a horse in 2005, so who knows. [Mirror]
• The only paparazzo who took pictures of Madonna riding her horse says her Madgesty is a liar. He says he took pix of Madge riding, then left. Then 30 minutes later he got a tip about an ambulance being sent; so he went back and took pix of her being tended to. He says: "If I had startled the horse, I would have gotten pictures!" [TMZ]
• By the by, Madonna wasn't just "riding" that horse but leaping hurdles. She was at the home of famed photographer Steven Klein and Jesus Luz was there, too. [NY Post]
• Madonna's adoption appeal has been scheduled for May 4, so expect to see her in Malawi then. [People]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Ellen Pompeo is pregnant! [People]
• Mel Gibson asked for a new judge in his divorce case, because he felt that Judge Rafael Ongkeko was "prejudiced against" him, and bingo! He got a new judge. [E!]
• Is Mel Gibson's "mystery girlfriend" Oksana Grigorieva? None of the other Oksanas were the right ones. [People]
• Mel Gibson was seen going to church at his private church in Malbu on Sunday. Then he went for ice cream. This is "news." [People]
• Russell Brand called President Obama's answering machine while on Radio 2, trying to figure out which UK football team Barack supports. [The Sun]
• Victoria Beckham, who has said she "hates working out," has decided to take up Pilates. [Daily Mail]
• May the good Lord bless Kelly Osbourne, who says of her wedding: "Vegas is way too tacky. I'd prefer to get married in London, as I have family and friends here." [Daily Mail]
• Kelly Bensimon is being sued for stealing an idea for a jewelry line from a former Elle Accessories colleague. Hence the headline "Housewife Kelly Bensimon Stole My Owl." [Page Six]
• Kelly Bensimon also says she does not hate Bethenny Frankel: "I don't hate anybody. Why would I? I respect Bethenny as a dynamic go-getter. Its tough being single in New York and working." Plus, Kelly says she'd like to to Dancing With The Stars. [WWD]
• Singing sensation Susan Boyle was obsessed with Donny Osmond as a teen. Also, her brother says: "She doesn't wear make-up or fancy clothes. It's not that she doesn't care, she just doesn't see why other people should care how she looks." [Mirror]
• Did some dude smooch never-been-kissed Susan Boyle? [Mirror]
• Rosie O'Donnell says: "Simon Cowell was genuinely moved when he heard Susan Boyle sing. He showed his humanity, and I actually liked him. It was a moment in time." [People]
• Q: Is Hugh Jackman the only mutant with a nude scene [in Wolverine]? Ryan Reynolds: "It's a prerequisite-you have to show off your mutant berries is what they told us. No. I think Hugh is probably the only nudie. I don't remember taking my pants off. I do have a faulty memory, though." [Newsweek]
• Another day, another story of Prince Harry attending an "illegal rave." [Daily Mail]
• This report claims that Amy Winehouse has been so stimulated and chilled out living in St. Lucia, she plans to write a children's book. [Bilde.de]
• Why does Amy Winehouse have burns on her legs? [The Sun]
• Jamie Foxx says while plating a schizophrenic homeless man in The Soloist, "I was in a bad place because I felt like I might be literally losing my mind." He had panic attacks and bouts of paranoia during filming. [LA Times]
• In an interview with Idris Elba, the Brit actor of The Office, The Wire and new flick Obsessed says of people thinking he is hot: "It's weird because, you know, I've been just the ordinary chap for 30 odd years and suddenly, I'm going into this [situation]: 'Oh my God, all the ladies love you!' And I'm like, 'Huh? Me? It doesn't make any sense!' I didn't grow up like some sort of sex symbol. It does make a gentleman walk with a stride in his step, believe me." [WaPo]
• Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian, the sisters who, according to this story, "aren't famous for having a big ass and a sex tape," are getting their own spin-off TV show on E! [Media Week]
• Jeff Goldblum is joining the cast of Law & Order: Criminal Intent and something tells you he's going to be awesome. [NY Times]
• Peaches Geldof, 20, who edits a magazine and has been a TV personality, plans to record an album. At least she's industrious? [Daily Mail]
• Some great quotes from Whoopi Goldberg in this interview. She says "I don't look like Halle Berry. But chances are, she's going to end up looking like me." And: "An actress can only play a woman. I'm an actor, I can play anything." And: "It's great to see Barack as president, but there's a lot to get done and he really is in the stuff. There's no money and everybody's out of their minds and pissed at America." As for why she is not in the stage version of Sister Act in London? "I am 112, so I was too old. I also don't sing." [Guardian]
• Na, na, na nanana… Paul McCartney played a "Hey Jude" singalong after midnight at Coachella. [Mirror]
• "A Night Out With" Colin Hanks involves playing games like Who Am I? and Connect Four. [NY Times]
• Did you know that Viggo Mortensen speaks fluent Spanish and Danish? Lots of details about him in this interview. [Guardian]
• Here, the Daily Mail apologizes for saying that Will Smith's school was a Scientology school. "We are assured that the academy founded by the actor Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett Smith, is secular, with no religious affiliation and welcomes children from all backgrounds." Someone must have threatened to sue! [Daily Mail]
• RuPaul hosts the NewNowNext Awards. which will premiere June 13 on LOGO and LOGOonline — with a performance by Lady GaGa. [LOGO]
• Edie Falco is addicted to the Discovery Health Channel and hospital-based doctor shows. Now she's playing an ER nurse hooked on Vicodin and Adderall in a Showtime dark comedy series called Nurse Jackie, which premieres in June. [NY Daily News]
• Fran Drescher is working on getting a TV talk show, where she can talk about politics, culture, and health issues. Hopefully nothing where we'd have to hear her laugh. [Daily Mail]
• Marianne Faithfull and her "soulmate" have split after 15 years; he went on to slap a British Airways staffer over the weekend. [Daily Mail, The Sun]
• Actress/singer Patsy Kensit married DJ Jeremy Healy over the weekend; her fourth marriage. She's also been hitched to Dan Donovan of Big Audio Dynamite, Jim Kerr of Simple Minds and Liam Gallagher of Oasis. [Daily Mail]
• These "Paul Newman cheated" stories will only make you sad, especially when you find out one woman told him: "You're always drunk and you can't even make love." [The Sun]
• Zac Efron's flick, 17 Again, was number one at the box office, with a respectable $24 million. Fess up: Who saw it? [MSNBC]
• What the world needs now: A Joan Collins makeover show. Too bad it's only in the UK! [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which young starlet demanded 17 free handbags after forgetting she needed to buy gifts?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Women always want to be what they're not. If you're the pretty girl, you want to be the quirky girl. If you're the smart girl, you want to be the pretty girl." — Jordana Brewster, who wants to be a Bond girl. [Page Six]
• "I'm not going to tell you it's been all smooches and hugs. But it shouldn't be because that would be a bore. If my band didn't have issues, if they didn't throw tantrums, I would think I was with a bunch of suckers. As long as they can handle it, I can handle it. After all we're just delivering music that people love, so how bad can it be? It could be worse. We could be drafted." — Perry Farrell, on the "bitter feuding" happening now that Jane's Addiction has reunited. [Reuters]
• "Probably 10 years from now I'll be able to look at this phase of my life and be able to understand [my character in Cheri's] journey more. But I think for a lot of women 50 is a very particular age. I'm not one that's ever really thought about birthdays, but this was a big one and I was not looking forward to it. But surprisingly it has left me feeling liberated in a strange kind of way. Sort of, the pressure's off. And it's actually quite wonderful. I wasn't expecting that." — Michelle Pfeiffer. [Telegraph]
• "When I was in the theater in Liverpool, we had a café where we'd have lunch. In the evenings it was full of girls, and we were like, 'What the hell is this?' It was the Beatles. Later on, I met up with John [Lennon] at Cannes and we had an evening, getting bombed out of our minds on alcohol. The sixties wasn't drugs, you see. What ended the sixties was drugs." — Michael Caine. [New York Mag]
• "A guy I worked with recently told me, 'You have to earn the right to hold a gun.' And that completely made sense. Can you imagine me running around with a gun in a film? I noticed the second I started that the things you want to be involved with are always just out of reach. Most parts you'd want, people won't really consider you for, because you have to earn that respect. The things people do want you for are usually not things you want to do. At one point, somebody said to me, 'What do you wanna do? A cool crime drama? Do you wanna shoot up heroin? We'll do anything you wanna do…the Musical.'" — Zac Efron. [GQ]
• "Most of those guys on TMZ are idiots. Actually, I wouldn't call them idiots, because that's doing a disservice to idiots all over the world. They're whatever's worse than that. I feel more sorry for them than anything. I don't know if it's being mean, than being utterly moronic. There's a quality of somebody that must have been deeply hurt, to become so immature and to have such an unloved soul that they would choose a profession like that. It's incredible." — Ryan Reynolds. [Newsweek]
• "I feel angry that I even have to say I am atheist. The alternative is so ludicrous to me. I don't want to dignify the idea of religion by saying that. The burden of proof should be on their side, not mine." — Ricky Gervais. [Telegraph]
• "He was supposed to be writing this for me. He could have written me anything and he comes up with this. If that's what he thinks of me, well, then I'm not for him and he's not for me." — Marilyn Monroe on the screenplay Arthur Miller wrote for her. [Daily Express]
• "My sister is the Twitter queen. She told me about the twittering, but I don't get it, I feel like I'm getting really old. I'm like, what? I don't understand. Just call me." — Beyoncé. [Yahoo News via AP]

• Sadness: Slumdog Millionaire actress Rubina Ali has allegedly been placed up for adoption sale by her father, who offered the girl to an undercover reporter posing as a sheik for roughly 270,000 pounds. [DailyMail]

• Ali's father, Rafiq Qureshi, blames the Slumdog Millionaire producers for forcing him to go to such extreme measures, as the family was never properly compensated for Ali's role in the film: "They haven't looked after us. They gave some money at the start but they gave us nothing afterwards. They gave us around 150,000 rupees (£2,040). They've been talking about giving us a house, but all they do is talk," he says, "What they showed in the film is exactly how life is here. The government doesn't help us. We get nothing. We live in one room, seven of us sleep on the floor. I earn £2 to £3 a day. I have to consider what's best for me, my family and Rubina's future." [NewsoftheWorld]
• According to News of the World, however: "In fact Danny Boyle and producer Christian Colson have set up a trust to ensure Rubina gets a proper education, is well housed and receives support dealing with media attention." [Newsofthe World]
• Save the Children has already condemned the father's actions and "urged the Indian government to sign up to the International Labour Organisation's convention to help abolish child labour and trafficking." [DailyMail]
• Madonna has already been released from the hospital after being hospitalized last night for the "minor injuries and bruises" she received after falling while horseback riding. [People]
• Madonna's spokeswoman, Liz Rosenberg, says the paparazzi is to blame for the accident: "The accident occurred when the horse Madonna was riding was startled by paparazzi who jumped out of the bushes to photograph the singer." [E!]
• Keira Knightley says it's tough to balance a relationship and a movie career: "I think you've got to strive for balance. It's the striving that counts. If you're someone like me, who has always been very driven, to suddenly step back and decide, 'Well, love is the only thing', then you need to build up your relationships." [DailyExpress]
• Blind Item: "Which actor needs to give his nose a break? His coke-heavy ‘model parties' have already sent him to the hospital once recently, but he can't stop being host to starlets." [BlindGossip]
• Matthew McConaughey won't be getting married anytime soon: "It's not an institution I'm against at all," he says "I'm actually for it, believe in it and have seen it actually be very, very healthy for many relationships. Some people go through it some great ways. I don't have any plans for it." [People]
• Kelly Osbourne, on the other hand, does want to get married, just not in Las Vegas: ""Vegas is way too tacky," she says, "I'd prefer to get married in London, as I have family and friends here." [ShowbizSpy]
• Beyonce will be doing a guest spot on the children's television show Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! [DailyExpress]
• "As long as I can remember, when I was a little kid I have always been conscious that we are here for a limited period. Not really fearing death at all, but as a little boy I did resent it. I thought it was unfair because there are so many things to do and adventures to have. And as an adult you realise you can never read all the good books. You can't even see all the good plays or movies or travel to all the places you want to see. It's impossible. I don't resent my mortality any more."-Viggo Mortensen[Guardian]
• "Everyone thinks I'm nuts because I speak the truth and I'm very outspoken," said Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills during a speech to vegetarians Saturday."The meat industry hate me, the dairy industry hate me, the Beatle industry, the landmine industry. So I have a lot of enemies out there. But I also have a huge amount of support."- Heather Mills [ShowbizSpy]
• Amy Winehouse is back in the Caribbean and reportedly dating a waiter named Junior: "Amy has been letting her hair down on the island and is enjoying being single. She instantly clicked with Junior and is just having a bit of fun," says a source, "It's very early days but she loves spending time with him." [DailyExpress]
• Mario Lopez is planning on writing a children's book. What do you think the title will be? [Publishers Weekly]
• A producer originally dismissed Drew Barrymore as a contender for the role of Little Edie Beale in Grey Gardens, but Drew's agents insisted she be given a shot, and, of course, she won the part. [NYPost]
• Is Jennifer Aniston dating Gerard Butler? "They had a fling at the Toronto Film Festival last year but it was all kept very quiet," says a source, "Now Jennifer's single again, she's no longer keeping her admiration for him secret." [DailyMail]
• Marcia Brady's nose was broken earlier this morning by her dumb brothers Greg and Peter, who were playing football and accidentally sent a pass into her face. Now she'll never be a teen model!

• Actress Farrah Fawcett, 62, has been hospitalized since last Thursday in what People magazine is calling "her latest setback with cancer." Fawcett was first treated for cancer in 2006; the cancer reappeared in 2007. [People]

• Lindsay Lohan was reportedly refused entrance to a Charlotte Ronson fashion show where her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson was deejaying. Bodyguards at the door were allegedly told "not to let her in under any circumstances." [E!]
• Paris Hilton is totally in love with her boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt: "We're best friends. It's not like we just met. We've known each other over the past year. I was in a relationship before and we reconnected. I'm really in love and really happy. He's going to be my husband." [E!]
• Heidi Montag doesn't sound like she'll shed too many tears over Lauren Conrad leaving The Hills: ""We don't need her," Montag says, "We'll miss her. I just don't know if we need her." [USWeekly]
• Is Jessica Simpson going to be on Dancing With The Stars: "Jessica's fame skyrocketed when she was on Newlyweds, and no other project has been the same runaway hit," says a source, "She wants to be involved with something she's really good at, and people love Jess when she's just being herself. She never would have considered Dancing With The Stars before, but she's not ruling it out now. When she saw Jewel was going to do it, it made her look at the show in a different light."[ShowbizSpy]
• Here's a sneak peek of Gwen Stefani's Elle photo shoot. [JustJared]
• Angelina Jolie has reportedly been treated for the ol' exhaustion on her latest movie set: ""It all got too much for Angelina. She collapsed between takes, complaining of shortness of breath and dizzy spells. "To be fair, it was after she'd filmed a strenuous scene in which she ran around the set, but it was still shocking to see her crumble," says a source, "There was something very wrong with her fitness levels if she couldn't handle a couple of action scenes. She never eats properly when she's upset. Food is the last thing on her mind. She'll ignore breakfast, pick at lunch and skip dinner. Once in a while she'll grab a snack, but nothing substantial." [ShowbizSpy]
• Is Bill Hader the next big comedy star? Let's hope so. [Film.com]
• . "I would like to be like Liz Taylor. Just the way she breathes, everybody wants to give her diamonds because she goes, 'Oh my God. I just love it.' They give her bigger and bigger ones" -Kate Moss{PageSix]
• Is Anne Hathaway going to model for Marc Jacobs? "Marc and Anne have forged a fast but very intense friendship and they're going to start doing public appearances together soon," says a source, "Anne hasn't signed up to do any advertising yet but, by dressing her, Marc can infuse his line with a fresh but famous face and Anne can revamp her image. If it works well, Anne would be happy to model for some of Marc's campaigns." [ShowbizSpy]
• Oh no! Is Viggo Mortensen giving up acting? "No more movies," he says, "I haven't said yes to one in over a year. If it all dries up now, I've had a good run." [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, Lily Allen says she might quit making music: "After this album and tour I have a brand new business I am setting up, but I can't say what it is yet. I am definitely considering quitting music." [ShowbizSpy]
• Scientists are shooting down Gwyneth Paltrow's claims that everyday household items, such as shampoo, might be responsible for rising rates of autism, asthma, and cancer. [TheSun]
• "Sure, he's great. He's very musical obviously. He knows what he's doing. I'm not following his rap career but I'm sure his album, whenever it hits the stores, whenever it 'drops', I'm going to go pick it up." -Reese Witherspoon on Joaquin Phoenix's rap career. [TheSun]

[London, March 29. Image via Getty.]

• Sources say Paula Abdul is basically done with American Idol. Just like when she sees a mediocre contestant, it's all: "Thank you, but no." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Former American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says maybe it was the producers' fault that "stalker" Paula Goodspeed ended up in the same room with Abdul on the show: "We've seen over 700,000 contestants. And one has made a terrible, terrible mistake." [People]
• Macaulay Culkin's sister Dakota died yesterday in a terrible traffic accident in L.A.; she stepped off a curb and was struck by a car. [TMZ]
• Scarlett Johansson talks about hubs Ryan Reynolds: "Getting married is a huge moment in anyone's life, and the few months leading up to it were a little crazy. But Ryan and I are in love, and we're enjoying evolving our relationship together. I feel that my life and my work are heading in the right direction." Also? They're both very romantic. Just so you know. [Perez Hilton]
• Holy sunglasses! Stevie Wonder might be the next contestant on Dancing With The Stars. Stevie sez: "It'd be fun. It's not impossible, but right now it's just a thought… Come on. You've got to think. If I have 7 children, I've got to be able to dance right?" [Perez Hilton]
• Oooh, a book exposing secrets about Martha Stewart? Written by a member of her own family? Intimate details of Martha's boozing, eating and crying binges… the stars she hates, what really happened in prison and her "special" lady friend. A good thing? [Jossip]
• Tom Cruise's new flick, Valkyrie: Reviews are meh. Not good for a $90 million picture. [Fox 411]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty are still going strong; they were seen checking out some rock show in Hollywood. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Watch Sienna miller act like a mental patient as she wanders around in a hospital gown and smears blood on a wall in this video by UK band The Hours. Deep. [Just Jared]
• Mariah Carey's world tour is canceled. Bun in oven? [Perez Hilton]
• Britney's kid burped while she was wishing people Merry Christmas in a video or her site. Charming! [People]
• Heath Ledger's family is "so proud" the actor got a Golden Globe nomination for The Dark Knight. [People]
• There's a London couple being sentenced for supplying drugs to a "hit list" of celebs including — wait for it — Amy Winehouse. [The Star]
• "Of the 90 or so actors to grace the Saturday Night Live stage since its first show in 1975, only eight have been African-American." Boo. And ridiculous. [Gatecrasher]
• Here's everything you never wanted to know about how Samantha Ronson is suing the lawyer she hired to stop Perez Hilton from spreading rumors about her and how the lawyer is suing her right back and how blogs are writing about the whole thing. [LA Times]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are joining the cast of Classic Stage Company’s production of Uncle Vanya. Pretty daamn cute, being in a plaay together. [NY Times]
• Ugly Betty's Ashley Jensen is suing the host of Bravo's Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis over "aggressive threats and outrageous behavior." [TMZ]
• We've heard this one before but here it is again: Seal says Heidi Klum told him she was pregnant after their first date. "I laughed and said, 'Already? That’s amazing!' She said, 'Not with you stupid.' There was a pause of about 10 seconds," Seal says, "and I said, 'It doesn’t change the way I feel about you because the fact that you are here tells me that you think a lot about me.'" [Mirror]
• Enrique Inglesias groped a 17-year-old girl on stage in London while singing to her. Well, he put his hand on her heart. But that is kind of close to some other stuff. The young lady in question, Maria from Essex says: "I had such an amazing night. I'll never forget it. It felt like a dream. He's so hot." [Mirror]
• Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham is coming back to primetime! Look for her in an ABC comedy from writer Alex Herschlag (Will and Grace) about a self-help guru who teaches women how to live a stress-free life — but struggles to follow her own advice when her boyfriend dumps her. [Variety]
• Eminem and Dr. Dre are back in the studio, and Em says he and his mentor are "up to our old mischievous ways." Good news. [Reuters]
• Real estate drama between Nicolette Sheridan and former fiancé Michael Bolton: Dude is homeless! [Page Six]
• Did Gwyneth Paltrow have a boob job? [Page Six]
• Axl Rose is anthropophobic — afraid of people. Some people are probably quite Axlphobic. [Page Six]
• If you smell the pungent scent of marijuana, know this: Willie Nelson cannot be far away. [Page Six]
• Kim Raver's heading to Ethiopia for UNICEF. [Page Six]
• Whitney Port has finally discovered that L.A. guys are trolls and New York guys are "more confident and know what they want." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rehabbed starlet convinced a group of college kids to bring her a big bag of powder? She hoarded all the drugs for herself before kicking the kids out of her hotel. But the crew had the last laugh - they stole her entire liquor stash as they left." [Gatecrasher]
• Rihanna and Kelly Osbourne are coaching Nicole Richie as she prepares to release her debut album? Does this mean corsets and "Papa Don't Preach"? [Daily News]
• ALL 13 streets on a new £400million estate are being named after Rolling Stones hits. [The Sun]
• "I've heard stories from my aunts and uncles and my dad, I had an attitude about Germans, a prejudice about them. I speak several languages and I'm interested in languages. I can read a German paper slowly and can almost figure it out, yet I don't speak German and I realize I don't want to speak German. I don't like the way it sounds and I don't like being in Germany. By playing a German and trying to be honest about it I sort of got past that prejudice and judgment... Germans are people too!" — Viggo Mortensen. [Daily Express]
• "Mental disease is the only thing you can be diagnosed with and get yelled at for having. Why is that? From the moment I was diagnosed there was a certain sense of euphoria and 'Thank God' we figured this out. I thought that I'd become such a curmudgeon." — The Sopranos' Joe Pantoliano, who was miserable despite the success and family he'd always wanted. (He was diagnosed with clinical depression.) [AP]
• "I loved her, no question, in the proper platonic sense but, yes, I loved her. We were filming one day and I kept her waiting on set because I was still in my caravan, playing cards. She stormed in and shouted: 'You are a real nut and I've met some nuts in my day.' And then she hit me. A couple of hours later, I went to see her and gave her a present to say I was sorry for keeping her waiting. She said: 'Don't worry, pig. I only hit the people I love.'" — Peter O'Toole on Katharine Hepburn. [Daily Mail]
• "Some people believe that if you date a person from another race you are somehow denying who you are. They believe that dating someone with a different skin color somehow makes you a self-hater, loathing that which makes you yourself. They believe that it's an insult to your parents, ancestors, heritage and community. I find this view much more telling about the people who say this than about those who do find a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional connection with someone who looks different than themselves. Choosing someone who I am physically attracted to and who also inspires, uplifts, educates and keeps me interested is my first priority- not their race." — Russell Simmons. [ONTD]
• "I've never played super-dark in a film. I think I'd be curious to do it. If a character comes along that I find really compelling and it works out that the director wants to go that direction with me, I'm totally willing to try. I've actually auditioned, but I think people have a hard time making the leap from — I don't want to use this as a cop-out, but my energy is not dark, my being is not dark. Oh, gosh — I can be very dark… I become very Eeyore." — Amy Adams. [Washington Post]
• "WHAT I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day" - Phyllis Diller in Bruce Littlefield's book, Merry Christmas, America!. [Page Six]
• "I have excellent facilities for ablutions, should you ever tire of the sweating and such. I'd be happy to scrub your back - from a safe distance." "We could meet early evening and bolster your rightly damaged ego with orgasms." "Come and see me in the daytime. We could generate a satanic infant." — text messages to ladies from Russell Brand. [Gatecrasher]

[Rome, October 26. Image via Flynet]

Rome, October 25. Image via Flynet.

[LAX, September 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Toronto, September 5. Image via INF]

The Good:

The Bad:

The Ugly:

[Los Angeles, CA; February 24. Image via AP.]

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(Personally, I want to stuff Benicio's ballot box, if you know what I mean.)