They can say whatever
I'ma do whatever
No pain is forever,
Yup, you know this.
These are the opening lines to "Hard." And the images we see in the beginning of the clip are of Rihanna in military gear. She wears a helmet — the function of which is to protect. She is also dressed as a sergeant, or some kind of ranking officer, addressing her (all male) troops.

For a woman who was beaten by a man, taking on war imagery and a position of power over men makes perfect sense.

In addition to her helmet, she wears a flesh-colored top with the nipples blacked out. On the one hand, there's only so much nudity you can get away with. But this could also be an acknowledgment of the boundaries she is setting: You can see this much, but you can't see everything. It's a tease — putting her, again, in a position of power. She chooses how much you can see.

Images of Rihanna walking through a literal battlefield not only mirror the minefield of her relationship with Chris Brown, but the dangerous territory of being in the public eye, with "bombs" about your private life dropping all around you. The lyrics here are:
I'ma rock this shit like fashion, as in
Goin' til they say stop
She's not afraid to forge ahead (or she wants you to think she is). The lyrics continue:
And my runway never looked so clear
But the hottest bitch in heels right here
No fear
And while you getting your cry on
I'm getting my fly on
It's as though she has picked herself up, dusted herself off, and realized her self-worth. She knows she is too special to let anything stop her. While we might be "crying" over her assault, she's busy getting back to — or keeping up with — the business of being fabulous.

The "stay away" spikes and warrior make-up hammer the point home.

And then there's a gun. Rihanna got a gun tattoo in March; she was assaulted in early February. Was the former a reaction to the latter? Some commenters on this site called the tattoo "advocating violence," "sad" and "misguided" and wondered if she didn't have any positive role models. Others noted that we don't actually know the significance of her gun tattoo and what it means to her. One commenter pointed out: "People get tattoos for all sorts of reasons and I think 'helping me get through a tough part of my life' is a pretty good one."

If you see a tattoo as a visual marker of a dream or ideal, her desire to be seen as a weapon — dangerous and to be handled with respect — makes a lot of sense. And firing off a machine gun in the video has the same effect; she is telegraphing a warning and taking a stance — refusing to be portrayed as a victim, but instead, the opposite.

On this rampart in the battlefield, she is the only one without a weapon. Either she is the weapon, or her army's one mission is to defend her. Or both.

Playing games with the other (lower-ranking) soldiers, Rihanna, of course, holds all the cards. At every turn, she feels the need to remind us that she is a winner.

Rihanna made this "small" gesture when she sang "Hard" on Good Morning America in November; our brother site Gawker called it "The last word on Chris Brown." She did it again when she was on SNL. The lyrics here are:
It's gonna take more than that
Hope that ain't all you got.
Insulting Chris Brown's penis size and therefore his manhood may seem like a cheap shot, but it's her prerogative. And she's making it clear that she's taking no prisoners.

The styling here — Mickey Mouse-eared helmet, paired with bandoliers — seems to say, I'm fun, not that you want to fuck with me. It's basically the driving theme of the entire video.

The tank, I think, is a misstep. It reads as penis envy — and maybe the smaller guns do, too, but a big pink phallus between her legs dilutes her message. Because if this song is about a woman declaring her strength and sexuality, she shouldn't need a cocked and loaded dick replacement to do it.

On the other hand: If someone like 50 cent made a video in which he was half-dressed and toting guns, would we accuse him of using phallic symbols? Or would we simply view it as being about power?

Toward the end of the clip, Rihanna waves a flag, declaring that she has conquered her territory. For someone who has spent the year being identified as a victim, this seems like a way for her to take back and reshape her identity.

She recently did an overtly sexual shoot for GQ, and she is topless on the cover of the magazine. Some people made comments like "I'm losing interest." But Rihanna's strategy — the manner in which she is maneuvering through this year is very interesting: She doesn't want to be someone you beat up and throw away. She doesn't want to be a victim. But she doesn't want to have to be a "good girl," either.

On the GQ photo thread, one comment read, "She makes boring pop music and boringly shows off her boobs. I fail to see what's new here?" Perhaps "new" is not the point. Or what's "new" is that she was beaten to a pulp and is moving forward the only way she knows how. Someone else wrote: "All of this Rihanna sexification as of late makes me think she's trying to reclaim a sense of power after the whole Chris Brown debacle. I think she's a beautiful and talented woman, but there has to be a better way for her to demonstrate her strength instead of just posing nude and making provocative comments in every interview." Maybe there is a "better" way, but maybe this is the way that feels right for her? When she hit the scene, she was a clean-cut, long-haired 17-year-old "Island girl," but that was mostly who her record label wanted her to be. In November, she told The New York Times:

Her appearance, down to her lipstick color, was monitored by the label, she said. "I was like, ‘What do you mean, I can't cut my hair? It has to be long and blond, like every other female singer in the game? No, I'm not doing that.' "

Is it any wonder her third album was called Good Girl Gone Bad? It's always tricky to channel and manage the feelings and urges one has when transitioning from a teenager to a fully-grown adult. To do it when you are a product/pawn in a capitalist/corporate structure must be even harder. As one commenter in the GQ thread put it: "…This is the way that works best for her so I'll support her on it. Taking control of her body (getting tattoos, posing nude, etc.) is probably empowering to her after being under Chris Brown's domineering thumb for so long. I think she feels powerful by being able to make these choices and decisions regarding her body."

Love it or hate it, she's doing it her way. As "Hard" goes:
And I want it all…
… I need it all
The money
The fame
The cars
The clothes
I can't just let you run up on me like that…
Right now, she's all about not letting anyone take anything away from her. But she's only 21, and she's had a tough year. Who knows what message she'll want to send next year, or in five years?

This morning Maggie Gyllenhaal was on the Today show. She said — and I'm paraphrasing — "In my 20s i felt like I had to be so strong, and that to seem strong was the most important thing." Now she is 32 and says, "Now I see that being vulnerable and open and emotional takes so much more strength." Maybe given time and perspective, Rihanna will be in a similar place?

Rihanna — Hard [MTV.com]
Rihanna: ‘Hard' Video World Premiere! [JustJared]
"Hard" Lyrics [Rihanna Now]
Rihanna: Fiercely Introspective [NY Times]
Related: Rihanna Goes Topless For GQ's January 2010 Issue

Fade in. Ms. Gaga, ever the generous host, is just chilling with her minions, listening to music.

She is wearing her razor-blade sunglasses, because a girl can never be too careful. The world assaults us with images! We must fight back! (Or, as she told MTV News: "I wanted to design a pair for some of the toughest chicks and some of my girlfriends - don't do this at home! - they used to keep razor blades in the side of their mouths… That tough female spirit is something that I want to project. It's meant to be, 'This is my shield, this is my weapon, this is my inner sense of fame, this is my monster.") I certainly hope you're taking notes.

FYI: Motherboard, barbed wire or fine screen door mesh manicures are the new hot shit. Adjust accordingly.

Suddenly, there's a flash of light.

A room! With Ukranian vodka! This must be a dream. Or a nightmare?

Coffin-like pods line the floor. Note the one which reads "Monster," as therein lies our heroine.

By the way: Since The Lady refers to her creative team as the Haus of Gaga, this scenario, naturally, takes place in the Bath Haus of Gaga.

The Lady emerges, wrapped up for freshness.

It's important to loosen up the joints and muscles after being transported — nay, kidnapped — into a questionable dimension. Working out with friends keeps you motivated.

Speeding through a hole in the time/space continuum often leaves a layer of grime. Bathing is a must.

Here, her eyes are wide with knowledge, not fear: She is a captive!

Product placement! Did you know that Dr. Dre, who has his own Beats By Dre headphones, worked with The Lady to make Heartbeats by Lady Gaga?

Back to the story: Gaga is ripped from the bath by her captors.

She is really just an innocent young thing, what could they possibly want with her?

Well, first they'd like to strip her of her latex garments…

…Then they'd like to force imported vodka down her throat. The usual Tuesday night stuff.

Fueled by liquor, Gaga is trussed up in a sparkly ensemble, robbed of her Burberry overcoat and forced to dance.

So many male bidders, so little time!

The Man With The Gold Chin Strap takes an interest in Ms. Gaga. Gold+Man= Goldman? As in Goldman Sachs? Is Gaga part of the bailout package?

Her brain aches; she must make a choice. She can flee. Sure. But she can also stay and dance her ass off, use this man the way he wants to use her. She could really, really use the money, you see…

…She's got a little problem with her spine. And Oxford won't cover the surgery.

So she dances. She seduces him because she has to. And because she can.

According to The Woman's Dictionary Of Symbols & Sacred Objects, the bond between cats and women has always been strong. There was a time that the patriarchy, suspicious of this connection, would accuse any woman seen talking to or petting a cat of witchcraft. Cats were sacred to the Ancient Egyptians, and festivals for the the cat goddess Bast were huge. The Norse goddess Freya rode in a chariot drawn by cats, and felines were generally thought to be magic. So save your shaved pussy jokes until the end.

Oooh, looky! Our favorite ankle-snapping Alexander McQueen shoes from his Spring 2010 show in paris. You know, the Futuristic Interplanetary Mutant Alien Queen one. Not Derelicte In Wonderland… that's so Fall 2009.

If you saw the McQueen ensembles and thought to yourself, "Who wears that? Now you know.

Anyway: Gaga drags herself and her bear carcass peignoir to do what she knows she must do.

Mr. Goldman awaits, hand creeping toward his stimulus package.

He'd like to see what he's purchased.

She's happy to oblige.

But! Little does he know — she has power, strength, and can, like a young Drew Barrymore, start fires with her mind.

(See, she has already informed the others that there will be a revolt! That's where the red and the leather come in: Viva La Revolucion!)

Yes, the bed is aflame. Fire can be symbolic of passion, but in this case, she is using it as a weapon, to destroy her enemy.

In the end, her sparkbra is saved, but Mr. Goldman? He is merely a charred skeleton.

The moral: Buy flame-retardant lingerie.

Here's the video clip, sans commentary. Enjoy.

Lady Gaga Says 'Bad Romance' Video Is About 'Tough Female Spirit' [MTV News]
Bad Romance Exclusive Premiere [Facebook]
Lady Gaga Bad Romance [YouTube]

Earlier: Questions About The High Fashion & Domestic Violence In Lady GaGa's Video
An Analysis Of The Underlying Themes In Britney's New Candie's Commerical

Of course, he's also making fun of the stereotypical asshole actor whose investment in the brand-names he represents is superficial, at best. Touché, Franco. Touché.

James Franco: Gucci Commercial Outtakes [Funny Or Die]

Confession: Dancing baby videos do nothing for me. Otters holding hands? Yes. Diapered tots? Nah. But Anna forced me to write this story. So I had to watch a lot of babies. And I think I might be coming around! And in any case, as Ada Calhoun writes for Time, the global phenomenon has reached a fever pitch:

Baby Cory's famous "Single Ladies" video has spawned SingleBabies.com, where you can donate to the New Zealand toddler's college fund. (You can also follow Baby Cory on Twitter, or be his friend on Facebook.

So why do babies like "Single Ladies"? Because, Time's Calhoun finds, the song is super simple.

"The song is very Teletubbies," says Tony-nominated musician Kenny Mellman. "If you listen to it, there is very little music. It's all drum and Beyoncé's voice." Kara Shall, communications director of Baby Loves Disco, agrees. "Young children love songs with good rhythm and repetition, and 'Single Ladies' certainly has both," says Shall, whose company once a month in 21 cities turns bars into child-proof discos. (She also notes that her own children, ages 5 and 2, are big fans of the Beyoncé song.) In addition —

OK, I'MA LET YOU FINISH, BUT APPARENTLY BABIES ARE MAKING THE GREATEST VIDEOS OF ALL TIME. A gallery of highlights, below.

The Original! Baby Cory's video has more than 2 million views.

This kid has excellent hip action.

Award this little girl extra points for an authentic costume.

Diaper butt helps with the choreography.

A broken leg will not stop a kid from the mesmerizing chorus, "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it."

This baby gets by with a little help.

All the Single Babies: Why Do Tots Love Beyoncé? [Time]

Listen, the "miracle of life" is amazing and all that, but hundreds of thousands of women give birth every day. And surely we all know women who act normally when knocked up. But there are the others, the ones who behave in a holier-than-thou, self-satisfied manner, those who comport themselves as though they have suddenly become royalty, and make it clear that they're doing something incredible and you and your empty uterus are not worthwhile.

Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome are comedic actors and musicians who perform the ditty together as Garfunkel and Oates. The song is fairly straightforward; it begins, "Pregnant woman are smug/Everyone knows it/Nobody says it/Because they're pregnant." The ladies mock women who, when asked if they want a boy or a girl, answer, "Oh, it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy." They sing: "I can't wait to hear someone say: 'Don't care if it's brain dead, don't care if it's limbless, if it has a penis."

Jokes aside, why is it that we feel the need to treat women differently when they are mothers? Not in terms of giving them a seat on the bus or letting them in front of you in a bathroom line — but when it comes to stuff like pretending to care that your coworker got a sonogram or acting excited that your friend from high school is naming her unborn Riyleigh? Should we put women on a pedestal and treat them as untouchable bastions of goodness just because some sperm managed to find an egg? Or are we allowed to make fun of the fact that sometimes, pregnant women are smug?

Pregnant Women are Smug by Garfunkel and Oates [YouTube]

The New York Times explores the effect that shared Netflix queues are having on happy couples, noting that the recession has led many couples to drop their movie-going nights in favor of cozy nights at home, spent in front of the DVD player, with a Netflix film.

However, many couples just can't agree on what movies to watch. Heavens to Betsy! How will love survive such a terrible obstacle? Everyone knows that the secret to a happy marriage is to have the exact same taste in everything! So when Louis Marino rented "The English Patient," he expected his wife, Trente Miller, who agreed to add it to their shared queue, to be willing to watch it with him. Turns out Miller wasn't interested once the disc actually arrived, much to Marino's dismay. "I had ‘English Patient' for more than six months,"Marino tells the Times "It was an insane amount of time. "Do you want to watch this? Do you want to watch this? Do you want to watch ‘English Patient?" Miller repeatedly said no, and the disc was sent back without either of them watching it.

Here's a thought, Louis: if your wife doesn't want to watch a film, but you do, THEN GO AHEAD AND WATCH IT. Nobody is stopping you from experiencing "The English Patient." Nearly every computer has a DVD player included: if your wife monopolizes the television, watch the stupid movie on your laptop. Or, perhaps, just tell your wife that you'd like to watch "The English Patient," and need the television for a few hours. She can stay if she wants, but she doesn't have to. This is called "compromise."

Yet the simple notion of perhaps watching movies on one's own time doesn't help many couples who are seeking a mutual viewing experience. Apparently, the Netflix Queue has been so detrimental to some relationships that the company had to create the Profiles tool, which the Times describes as "sort of like a therapist for the queue. Each partner gets his or her own profile, and an allotment of discs, so that films from each list come and go and no one party takes over."

My fiance and I have a Netflix account that's mostly filled with films he's been dying to see. And normally, the movies will come, he'll watch them, and send them back. There are times when we both agree on a series or a film together, but for the most part, our queue is a jumble of randomness, and we watch things as they come in. If something comes in that I'm not interested in, I just don't watch it. And if we're having a night in together, and all we have from Netflix are a couple of "his" films that I'm not into, or vice versa, we'll just flip around until we see something we're both into. I know, right? We each have our own opinions and tastes, we communicate this openly, and we compromise to meet a common goal. Mindblowing. Now give me $500, as I just saved your marriage with common bloody sense.

Please tune in next week, when we'll be discussing the challenges couples face when one prefers chunky peanut butter, and one prefers creamy peanut butter. HOW WILL LOVE SURVIVE?!

Hey, Who Ordered Gigli? [NYTimes]

Cut between the shots of Pink acting out are shots of Pink singing to Carey. Sometimes he ignores her, sometimes he rolls his eyes, sometimes they're at each other's throats. And, for a moment, he embraces her.

Schaefer claims this adds an "element of 'no really, we're actually handling this in a freakishly mature way.'" I don't know what you call it, but I love Pink. Love her. Clip below.

P!nk’s New Video Shows You How To Deal With A Breakup In A Totally Mature Way [BWE]