Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

Fade in. Ms. Gaga, ever the generous host, is just chilling with her minions, listening to music.

She is wearing her razor-blade sunglasses, because a girl can never be too careful. The world assaults us with images! We must fight back! (Or, as she told MTV News: "I wanted to design a pair for some of the toughest chicks and some of my girlfriends - don't do this at home! - they used to keep razor blades in the side of their mouths… That tough female spirit is something that I want to project. It's meant to be, 'This is my shield, this is my weapon, this is my inner sense of fame, this is my monster.") I certainly hope you're taking notes.

FYI: Motherboard, barbed wire or fine screen door mesh manicures are the new hot shit. Adjust accordingly.

Suddenly, there's a flash of light.

A room! With Ukranian vodka! This must be a dream. Or a nightmare?

Coffin-like pods line the floor. Note the one which reads "Monster," as therein lies our heroine.

By the way: Since The Lady refers to her creative team as the Haus of Gaga, this scenario, naturally, takes place in the Bath Haus of Gaga.

The Lady emerges, wrapped up for freshness.

It's important to loosen up the joints and muscles after being transported — nay, kidnapped — into a questionable dimension. Working out with friends keeps you motivated.

Speeding through a hole in the time/space continuum often leaves a layer of grime. Bathing is a must.

Here, her eyes are wide with knowledge, not fear: She is a captive!

Product placement! Did you know that Dr. Dre, who has his own Beats By Dre headphones, worked with The Lady to make Heartbeats by Lady Gaga?

Back to the story: Gaga is ripped from the bath by her captors.

She is really just an innocent young thing, what could they possibly want with her?

Well, first they'd like to strip her of her latex garments…

…Then they'd like to force imported vodka down her throat. The usual Tuesday night stuff.

Fueled by liquor, Gaga is trussed up in a sparkly ensemble, robbed of her Burberry overcoat and forced to dance.

So many male bidders, so little time!

The Man With The Gold Chin Strap takes an interest in Ms. Gaga. Gold+Man= Goldman? As in Goldman Sachs? Is Gaga part of the bailout package?

Her brain aches; she must make a choice. She can flee. Sure. But she can also stay and dance her ass off, use this man the way he wants to use her. She could really, really use the money, you see…

…She's got a little problem with her spine. And Oxford won't cover the surgery.

So she dances. She seduces him because she has to. And because she can.

According to The Woman's Dictionary Of Symbols & Sacred Objects, the bond between cats and women has always been strong. There was a time that the patriarchy, suspicious of this connection, would accuse any woman seen talking to or petting a cat of witchcraft. Cats were sacred to the Ancient Egyptians, and festivals for the the cat goddess Bast were huge. The Norse goddess Freya rode in a chariot drawn by cats, and felines were generally thought to be magic. So save your shaved pussy jokes until the end.

Oooh, looky! Our favorite ankle-snapping Alexander McQueen shoes from his Spring 2010 show in paris. You know, the Futuristic Interplanetary Mutant Alien Queen one. Not Derelicte In Wonderland… that's so Fall 2009.

If you saw the McQueen ensembles and thought to yourself, "Who wears that? Now you know.

Anyway: Gaga drags herself and her bear carcass peignoir to do what she knows she must do.

Mr. Goldman awaits, hand creeping toward his stimulus package.

He'd like to see what he's purchased.

She's happy to oblige.

But! Little does he know — she has power, strength, and can, like a young Drew Barrymore, start fires with her mind.

(See, she has already informed the others that there will be a revolt! That's where the red and the leather come in: Viva La Revolucion!)

Yes, the bed is aflame. Fire can be symbolic of passion, but in this case, she is using it as a weapon, to destroy her enemy.

In the end, her sparkbra is saved, but Mr. Goldman? He is merely a charred skeleton.

The moral: Buy flame-retardant lingerie.

Here's the video clip, sans commentary. Enjoy.

Lady Gaga Says 'Bad Romance' Video Is About 'Tough Female Spirit' [MTV News]
Bad Romance Exclusive Premiere [Facebook]
Lady Gaga Bad Romance [YouTube]

Earlier: Questions About The High Fashion & Domestic Violence In Lady GaGa's Video
An Analysis Of The Underlying Themes In Britney's New Candie's Commerical

For one thing, Jude Law stars, in drag, as a supermodel named Minx. Lily Cole, glimpsed here briefly in the trailer, plays model Lettuce Leaf; Dame Judi Dench is the fashion critic, and Simon Abkarian, who starred in Potter's 2005 film Yes, does a brilliant-looking turn as a very Galliano-esque fashion designer named Merlin. Even Eddie Izzard, Steve Buscemi, John Leguizamo, and Dianne Wiest pop up in the ensemble cast.

Apparently, the movie — which premiered at the Berlin Film Festival earlier this year and was nominated for the Golden Bear — proceeds entirely in the form of interviews, apparently recorded by a young film student backstage at fashion house where an accident on the runway becomes the subject of a murder investigation. Michelangelo, as the unseen film student is known, posts the confessional clips on the Internet. Whether the technique of forcing the audience to imagine all the plot's action will lead to filmic brilliance — or maddening frustration — can't be judged from a trailer alone. But on the strength of the visuals — Jude Law preening in a corset, Eddie Izzard in a three-piece suit — and the writing — photographer Steve Buscemi musing on shooting people versus shooting people, Judi Dench comparing fashion to "pornography to which millions are addicted" — we're excited to find out.

Rage Trailer [YouTube]
Rage The Movie [Official Site]

In an interview with Anthem magazine, stylist B. Akerlund (wife of Jonas) — who is Lady GaGa's "first official stylist," talks about the intricate, bizarre and, frankly, gorgeous ensembles created for "Paparazzi."

The beginning of the video shows Ms. GaGa in a torrid embrace with a man, who ends up manipulating, dominating and manhandling her — trying to make sure their kisses are snapped by a hidden photographer — and he eventually throws her over a balcony. After her fall, GaGa returns home in a stylish neckbrace and wheelchair. B. Akerlund explains:

Gaga called me and said she wanted to be in a wheel chair. She wanted me to design it and not the prop department. I took it upon myself to drive to East L.A. and exchange the wheels for some low rider ones. I ordered some Gucci fabric and handed it over to my genius friend/designer Michael Schmidt so he could embellish it with Swarovski crystals. Originally, we made a metal logo that read "Gaga" on the wheels, but she disliked the font and we ended up exchanging it for the Chanel logo.

Once out of the wheelchair, GaGa wears a metal corset and walks with crutches.



B Akerlund says:

This is a very famous Thierry Mugler robot that was my biggest dream for GaGa. We made it happen and it arrived in a huge metal box with padlocks on it-very exciting! It's not the most comfortable thing to wear and very cold on the body, but a true work of art. The crutches were custom-made by Michael Schmidt with Swarovski chain and punk studs.

While the image is reminiscent of some famous Helmut Newton photographs —

— especially the two above, from a 1995 Vogue spread titled "The Empowered Woman" — do they make some kind of statement? A critique on literal fashion victims? A comment on the idea that women draw strength from what they wear? Can a victim or survivor find solace in style?

Throughout the video, we see flashes — very quick scenes — of dead (murdered?) women. Is the abusive boyfriend to blame? Later in the video, GaGa is back with man who hurt her, and he's reading a magazine which proclaims her to be "the new it girl." As though her ordeal just made her more famous. But GaGa has a ringful of poison, which she slips into his drink. He promptly dies. In the media blitz which follows, a newspaper headline reads, "We Love Her Again."

Yes, it's just a video. But in a time when the public was privy to a photograph of Rihanna's battered face and intimate details of Britney's breakdowns, isn't it interesting to see the idea of a strong — yet hurt — woman? And what if the "man" in the video is actually a stand-in for fame itself, and what it does to women?

B. Akerlund [Anthem Magazine]
Lady Gaga - Paparazzi [You Tube]

Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable

At least with this video we don't have to consider questions of child exploitation, like those that arose around David After the Dentist. Plus, there's a lesson to be learned here. Before going in for oral surgery, be sure to pat down your family members and confiscate anything that records video.

That's Your Girlfriend After The Dentist [Videogum]

I love the bitter cackle Grover makes as he discusses how happy! they will be when Elmo comes to play with them. Ha! Ha! Ha! You can almost hear his little monster heart breaking. Telly voices the unthinkable: "But what if we wait here all day, and he never shows up?" Ah, existentialism.

What's striking about this piece is how adult it is. The skit doesn't even flash kids any numbers or simple words to learn — it's an extended in-joke about a play no 4-year-old would even recognize. The makers of Sesame St. were clearly thinking of the grown-ups who would inevitably get stuck watching their programming; the content is presented in a kid-friendly way that neither dumbs it down for the principal audience, nor infuriates those over 4' tall. It seems downright unfair that children's programming could have backslid so far on both counts in the years since this clip was made.

Sesame St. - Monsterpiece Theater "Waiting for Elmo" [YouTube]

The video of the rat, Peanut, and cat, Ranj, was posted on YouTube and already has more than 2 million hits. The owner described their relationship as "Rat loves cat... cat tolerates rat ... My rat, Peanut, follows Ranj around everywhere! She gives him kisses and hugs." [Daily Mail]

Don't these silly cats know that they have claws for climbing? And doesn't the videographer know it's obvious this thing is on a loop?

[via Random Good Stuff]