Beyond fetishizing nuptials, the incorrect assumption that all women love weddings and the subservient role of wedding panning, this game is more annoying than fun. First of all, it plays Pachelbel's "Canon in D" incessantly, like you're in some endless bridal nightmare. Second of all, some of the shit you have to do makes no sense. The first challenge: "Find hidden items at Jenny's engagement party: Help Jenny get ready for the party by picking up items around the room." It's kind of like Where's Waldo or any other search game: There's a checklist and a bunch of illustrated crap lying around, and you have to check things off the list: Pepper! Jar of pennies! Doughnut! Fireworks! Wait, what? After that was a Concentration- type game requiring you to turn over cards and match presents to each other based on wrapping paper. Fun? No, not really. And certainly not a wedding planning skill. And apparently, it gets worse: Writes Saltzman:

Every few levels you will solve adventure game-like puzzles: in the bride's bathroom, for example, you'll click to open the shower curtain and see a magazine you need to read, but it's too wet. So you'll pick up the hair dryer and use it on the magazine. Now you can open the magazine and you turn to a page with a photo of a light fixture that matches one in the bathroom. When you click on the light, it's too hot to touch, so you must turn off the light (the switch is behind a hanging pink robe) and after removing the light fixture you see something hidden behind it, but your hands are too big — tweezers are needed to retrieve the note.

Gah! That's not a dream wedding, that's like a shitty Monday. It's insulting, frustrating and pointless — qualities I don't look for in a video game.

'Dream Day Wedding' Sequel Sticks To Winning Formula [USA Today]

Dream Day Wedding [Shockwave]

[Photo via Flickr]

The Most Ridiculous Girl Gadgets [NPR]

Related: Watch Liv Tyler Promote The Nintendo DS
Metallic Rose DS Gets Superstar Launch

In addition to Salon, video has also caught the attention of the blog 'What About Our Daughters'. ""Abortion Man' is a burning cross," a post on the blog reads. "Its hate imagery that would make Joseph Goebbels proud... YouTube has placed no age restriction on 'Abortion Man.' Kids apparently need to be protected from candy penises, but no such age controls are needed when you depict a violent attack on a pregnant Black girls. By the way, Toyota is running ads on the WayOutTV YouTube Page."

The video is not funny. The premise is not funny. It's seriously offensive and twisted, even as a fantasy. And it's not just some low-budget, no-name production: Michael Wayans, Damon's son, appears in the clip. What About Our Daughters adds this for perspective:

According to the CDC, black women have a maternal homicide risk about seven times that of white women. Black women ages 25-29 are about 11 times more likely as white women in that age group to be murdered while pregnant or in the year after childbirth.

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! No, It's Abortion Man! [Salon]
Daymon Wayans Thinks Violently Attacking Black Pregnant Teens is Funny: "Abortion Man" [What About Our Daughters]
Abortion Man [YouTube]

Earlier: Chris Rock Was Right: Abortion Is A Choice Between A Female And Her Friends

Deciding how far to push the obvious reference to male genitalia must have been tricky. The spot wavers on both sides of the line—and I think that works very well.

Raymond's employer, Ubisoft, sent a cease and desist letter to Something Awful, and although the comic was taken down, Jade's reputation took a hit. According to Multiplayer editor Tracey John: "[The comic] basically caused attacks on her integrity and her talent. Some thought that Ubisoft used her looks to pimp the game, and had her be way more public than most producers of other games. Some also said that she had no talent at all and got to where she was based on her looks. The thing is, she actually has a programming degree to back it up."

Ms. John tried to interview Ms. Raymond for Multiplayer, but was told by Ubisoft that Jade was "not interested at this time." Instead, Ubisoft project manager Elspeth Tory spoke with John, who, unsurprisingly, explained that she, too, had encountered quite a bit of sexism, explaining that, coming up in the ranks, she felt that she had to prove her technical ability more than the average worker. She also told the following anecdote about something that went down when she was at a company called Microids:

At some point, there was a woman who came in for an interview, and she was an attractive woman, apparently. We had these windows in our meeting room that were high up. And the guys, at some point, I so clearly remember this, they actually got up on their desks to look in on the woman in her interview. And they were making comments. Like, that was the kind of working environment that I was in.

Women Working in Games: 'Assassin's Creed''s Elspeth Tory on Jade Raymond and Entering the Boys' Club [Multiplayer]
Ubisoft Threatens Something Awful Over Jade Comic [Kotaku]

Those games were really designed for young girls who are just looking for fun games and ways to explore their favorite hobbies... From what we've seen, [the girls] didn't mention anything about being a police officer.

Taylor responds:

Research is a funny thing. If you say to someone, what's your favourite food, they'll list three things they love. If you then say, you didn't list chocolate cake, don't you like chocolate cake? They'll say, oh SURE! I love chocolate cake! I just didn't realise you were asking about chocolate cake.

Ubisoft's Imagine Series For Girls [Wonderland]
Girls So Want Babies, Clothes and Cooking [Kotaku]
Can "Girl Games" Transcend Shopping, Fashion And Babies? [Boing Boing]
Earlier: Yup, It's True: Girls Play Games

But for some women, gaming isn't new. This writer had a childhood shaped in part by Ms. Pacman and Intellivision's Burgertime. Later, Yoshi's Island, then Tomb Raider and Resident Evil were major obsessions. These days, according to Mack, "You're seeing women playing games like 'Dance Dance Revolution' and 'Guitar Hero'—women under 35 who want to do something fun and social."

Except gaming is not always social. There are women who like to hole up and escape inside of a game just like the guys do. (One of them happens to be my mom, who's addicted to the game Bubbles inside her Motorola Q.)

But this is about marketing dollars. And the budget doesn't go toward advertising to women, says Mack. "The money is where the hardcore gamers are. They're the ones who are really passionate about it and the ones who are going to go out and buy the beta version in order to be part of the next 'Halo' game," she explains. "But more and more, as these consumers groups open up, [marketers] will focus on these growing segments." Fine with us — as long as they don't feel they have to make the console pink.

Survey Finds Women Own More Game Consoles Than Men [Online Media Daily]
Earlier: The Do's And Don'ts Of Chick Gadgets, According To 'Wired'

And they all magically caught up to the boys' scores!

When the volunteers were tested again after five months, both the improvement and the lack of difference between the sexes remained. Though it is too early to be sure, it looks likely that the change in spatial acuity—and the abolition of any sex difference in that acuity—induced by playing "Medal of Honour" is permanent.

Nurture Strikes Back [Economist]

The Good: Rihanna looks hot, even dressed like Barbie; Kim Stolz reminds us why she was maybe our favorite Top Model contestant ever; and Mary J. Blige could teach poor Britney Spears a thing or two on how to be sophisticated and maintain your street cred.

The Bad: Paris Hilton looks weirdly middle-aged; Nelly Furtado is unrecognizable; and Pam Anderson, well, looks like Pam Anderson.

The Ugly: Shanna Moakler's hair puts fear into our hearts; Lil' Mama gave us nightmares; and Kat Von D is to blame, we're sure, for the migraine we've come down with this morning.

And in a new special category, The Stupid: Ah, Miss South Carolina Teen USA. She might have great cleavage, but she doesn't know the difference between The Iraq and The South Africa.

[Images via Filmmagic]

It's kind of tough getting a new angle on the tired old format of the exercise video, but yet again, our friends in Japan have succeeded where few dared to tread. Exercise yourself to superhero powers! Complete with bonus sinister laughing masked man in tights!

If you've ever wondered why Juliette Lewis' rock and roll career has failed to set the world alight, you could do worse than check this out. There's probably a reason why Beyonce never got drunk and put on hot pink tights and pretended to be Mick Jagger with Alzheimer's.

Kicking off your fun-packed Friday are those loveable aerobic Japanese language students. We are not entirely sure what they're on about this time, but we are entirely sure that the whole 'don't make fun of me!' routine isn't going to work.

Strange Japanese Workout Video [youtube]

At an age when most American kids are confined to fat camp or on their third stint in rehab, adorable Isaiah, 4, and his two-year-old brother Adboulaye, show us that children really our the future. Not our kids, obvs, but what the hell.

Gawker-for-Girlies is proud to bring you WORLD EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE of the first meeting between Justin Timberlake's new flame Jessica Biel, and his spurned ex Cameron Diaz. The pair met at a top secret location just days ago, and sources close to the love-trio told us that, 'It sure turned out to be a real catfight!'

[Catfight]youtube.com

Proving yet again, that the Devil has all the best tunes, Christians have no sense of humor, and white men really shouldn't rap no matter how much they think they can, we give you godtube. Bonus points if you find the video explaining that bananas are proof that God exists.

[godtube]

You know how it is. You're at the gym working out when suddenly you are struck by a paralyzing fear: WHAT IF I AM ATTACKED IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY WHERE I DON'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE AND THE MEN WEAR HANKIES TIED UNDER THEIR NOSE?!

We've so been there.

Luckily, in an idea that we feel is sure to be coming to a gym near you soon, our Japanese friends have solved the problem, with a self-defence English-as-a-foreign-language workout!

All together now: "Take Anything You Want! Spare me my life!"

[Japanese self-defence workout] youtube.com

And because we are feeling unusually charitable, we've found a great place for her to start.

Uncle Jay Explains the News.

We had a look, and they're kind of funny, like public education films on masturbation from the 1950s. Perhaps the most startling thing about them is to remember quite how beautiful Imelda was, even if she was an evil old witch who bled her country dry to pay for her 60-a-day shoe habit.

Check them out after the jump.

She goes to Australia, accompanied by mandatory banjos.

Off she trips to China, this time with a full orchestra. With bonus Chairman Mao!

[All she has left are her memories. And a few thousand shoes]

And no, we didn't get any either.

Anna Nicole Smith - candle in the wind? on Vimeo