• Governor Rod Blagojevich rammed his head more throughly up his ass and found someone to join him: former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris, who is Blago's new appointment to Barack Obama's Senate seat. [Washington Post]

• But the current Secretary of State Jesse White would have to certify the Burris appointment, which he's reportedly saying he won't do, which is good because there's basically maybe no other way to stop Burris from heading to the Senate.. [Politico]
• Obama ain't happy. [Politico]
• Neither are Senate Democrats in general, who plan to move to block the appointment however they can even if, like most things the Senate Democrats have done in the last decade, it is ultimately ineffective and all for show. [CNN]
• Political analysts all breathed a sigh of relief that they could finally stop talking about Gaza. [BBC News]
• That includes Joe Scarborough, who got the shit kicked out of him by co-host Mika Brzezinski's dad Zbigniew Brzezinski on the issue this morning. [Huffington Post]
• The Clintons will be watching the ball drop in Times Square, which basically just proves they aren't real New Yorkers. [Associated Press]
• Vicki Iseman, who the New York Times totally implied in a long article was fucking John McCain without any evidence is suing the shit out of everyone involved. [Wall Street Journal]
• Franken's up in the Minnesota recount by about the margin Nate Silver said he would be back in the day, so Franken will totally be seated as Senator before he has to run for re-election. Probably. [Huffington Post]

Anyone with even a vague sense of pop culture knows that Britney and Paris are yesterday's news. Here's a link to Forbes' Celebrity 100. Paris and Britney don't even make the list any more. Instead, the top 10, in order: Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles, David Beckham, Johnny Depp, Jay-Z, The Police, JK Rowling, Brad Pitt. So, they didn't pick other big celebrities, who were either men, or black, or married.

Um, maybe because attempting to smear Barack Obama by equating him with J.K. Rowling is actually significantly dumber than anything his campaign has done so far? That and other stuff with me and Megan (and Mitt Romney) below.

MOE: I still haven't watched that McCain ad but I listened to the Ludacris song the Obama campaign could not resist condemning strongly. The Jesse Jackson couplet is my favorite.

Well give Luda a special pardon if I'm ever in the slammer
Better yet put him in office, make me your vice president
Hillary hated on you, so that bitch is irrelevant
Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what?
if you said it then you meant it how you want it have a gut!

MOE: I don't know much about Don Siegelman though I imagine he's a Corrupt SOB or whatever their baseball caps said but I'm very much in favor of holding Karl Rove in contempt.
MEGAN: I watched the McCain ad, you didn't miss anything. He's implicitly compared to Britney and Paris and then hit for not supporting offshore drilling. I'm not sure what Paris thinks about offshore drilling, nor why I should care.
MEGAN: Don Siegelman was a Democratic politician that was corrupt but Karl wanted him gotten on corruption charges so apparently he's not that corrupt or something. I don't think Democrats ought to be hanging their hats on Siegelman, but whatever.
MOE: Offshore drilling would only make shit like this a little more accessible.
MEGAN: But Britney doesn't care about McCain's ad and only noticed it because she was Googling herself, which is something she can do and John McCain apparently can't. Who knew I had anything in common with Britney?
MOE: But speaking of fuel, I need some sooooo bad right now. brb
MEGAN: So, now we're both back!
MOE: OH thank god you're back. I had no one to talk about John Weaver with. John Weaver being John McCain's old pal and campaign strategist who seems determined to defeat John McCain. Weaver's the guy who met with Daschle to try and arrange a party switch, right? Not to be confused with Mark McKinnon, who pledged (and made good on the pledge) to drop off the McCain campaign if Obama won the primary. Also: anyone keeping tabs on Vicki Iseman? Also, what happened to your internet? COMCAST IS WATCHING YOU KNOW.
MEGAN: I have Verizon! SUCK IT COMCAST.
MOE: Uh, yeah, suck it Comcast, there are OTHER high-speed internet service providers I can totally waste my morning cursing the existence of. In other news Virginia is officially a swing state. In other news like everyone who doesn't think McCain is a sellout to the Nazis is starting to think he is just stupid — like even Karl Rove is dissing him today but I hold Karl Rove links in contempt — and basically it has come down to Mitt Romney as his staunchest supporter. Mitt Romney!
MOE: Mitt "We can all agree you're the candidate of change" Romney
MEGAN: Oh, it's so nice when former enemies come together in pursuit of a common goal, like Mitt Romney potentially winning a national election.
MOE: He was fucking hot, though. And so bland I forgot why I hated him. Oh yeah this. Hey, remember that shitstorm when those Salt Lake City bloggers accused us of plagiarizing their idea? Man, good times.
MEGAN: Ah, the ghosts of crappy hours past! Although, on my end, this hour has been pretty crappy. I've got one hell of a hangover.
MOE: Hey, finally someone took my idea and wrote a Dreams of My Father vs. Faith of my Fathers mashup. Also, maybe we should talk about Turkey?
MEGAN: Oh, God, please, nothing to do with food right now! Or do you mean the country?
MOE: Yeah nevermind I don't really feel like discussing Islam either after spending like 45 minutes last night writing the 283rd comment on that post about those lady suicide bombers.
MEGAN: I feel you there.
MOE: Also did you realize we had so many 2nd amendment fans up in them comments? I didn't. Now I'm thinking I could maybe use a gun myself.

• Serb protesters broke into the unstaffed U.S. Embassy in Belgrade and set fire to an office. They also burned a McDonald's, a Levi's store, and some other embassies. Nearly thirty people were injured. They are mad about the Kosovo thing. And also by and large "extremely drunk." [WP]
  
• I am proud of my country of the day: a guy found with a box cutter in a hollowed-out book at the Tampa International Airport — it was just one in an extensive travel library featuring the Bible, the Koran, and assorted other books about Islam — had actually just hollowed out the book to hide his pot from his roommate. [TBO]
  
• Debate tonight.
  
• Janet Huckabee went to Las Vegas over the weekend to catch a boxing match and stayed at Hooters Hotel. Did you even know there was such a thing as a Hooters hotel? [Newser]
  
• Oooooh, someone finally used the "Iseman Cometh" pun we were trying so hard to exorcise from our brains! Tim Noah says the scandal is good for McCain. [Slate]
  
• CNN keeps re-playing this clip wherein Hillary waxes sentimental about living in San Antonio, where "I became addicted to Mexican food and MANGO ICE CREAM." On one hand, she really didn't have to say it that loud; on the other hand; I didn't know mango ice cream was a Texas thing...[CNN]

• Stagflatiion: kind of fun to say, less fun if it happens again. [WSJ]
• Myers-Briggs the candidates! Hillary is Truman/George H.W.Bush, McCain is JFK/Eisenhower, and Obama has a Ghandi/MLK personality type never before seen in the Oval Office. [Slate ]
• Remember that $52,000 Louis Vuitton bag bought by that tax office embezzler lady in D.C.? No? Great story. The bag is still on the loose. [WP]
• Email of the day: "Are there any John/Cindy/Vicky threesome rumors out there? Cindy was 45 in 1999; Vicki was 31; John 61. It seems like a plausible unexplored angle considering the look-alike factor..."
• Sad news for Jezebel of the day: Lilian Vernon and Sharper Image file Chapter 11. [WSJ]
• I want to have his babies of the day: possible next mayor of London Boris Johnson. [WSJ]