Why Does Jennifer Lopez Hide In The Storage Closet At Airports? (Hint: It's Not The Paparazzi!)

Moe — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 09:00:00 EDT

First Class lounges aren't really exclusive enough for Jennifer Lopez anymore, but she's got a resourceful fix: she slips through a mysterious unmarked door in the lounge, giving the illusion she is entering some platinum VIP area, when really she's just hiding in a storage closet. Yeah, I couldn't have made that shit up either. [MSNBC]
Oh shit, and this JUST HAPPENED: so maybe JLo was just avoiding getting served with the $5 million lawsuit filed by the flight attendant her guard dog attacked. [TMZ]
But a subpoena in that 1999 nightclub shooting — shit, it sucks when you realize something that feels forever ago actually was forever ago — found her! [NY Post]
Verne Troyer is suing TMZ for $20 million over that sex tape thing. Not because it's a sex tape, but for copyright reasons. Show of hands: did anyone actually watch the clip of this? I really don't think he lost too many otherwise paying customers. If amateur midget porn is what you're into is a little clip really going to sate you? [TMZ]
Bill Clinton and Oprah Winfrey ran into each other at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party but sources say it didn't seem like they had much to say to one another. [Page Six]
Will Anne Hathaway put aside the hurt she feels and save the poor puppy Raffaello Follieri can no longer afford to have walked? Well, Anne?? [Page Six]

And speaking of our dashing Italian Vati-con, some socialite is pissed she invited him and Anne to some event and they paid for tickets and never showed up. Cry me a fucking river, Lauren Vernon. [NY Post]
Babyshambles is pulling out of the Glastonbury Festival. [Guardian]
Amy Winehouse is…still planning on performing! [Telegraph]
"I do not speak to those two. First of all, he drinks too much. And is very insulting. And they are not invited to my July Fourth party in the Hamptons, which is very big and which is my fifth annual and which everybody wants to come to. She and I will keep doing the show, of course, but I will have nothing to do with her otherwise." Now, I know it's summer, when Cindy Adams devotes an entire column about a group of reality stars who actually fess up to making less than $1,000 a show, but this column is seriously kind of awesome. [NY Post]
You can take Donda West's surgeon off your list of "Notorious Hollywood Plastic surgeons most likely to be nabbed on DUI charges" now. [AP]
If you haven't already heard about this from that one guy you know who could die happy if only for another Phish Reunion tour, well…Phish might be reuniting. [Reuters]
Will Smith's Fourth of July movie sounds reaaally promising. [Fox News]
Jessica Biel is looking kind of gaunt and French these days, like she's taken up an unhealthy lifestyle or something, and I mean that in the best way possible. [People]
Engaged: Uma Thurman, to some "financier." [He's Elle Macpherson's ex! -Ed.] [NY Daily News]
Engaged and actually planning to wed: Portia to Ellen. [NY Daily News]
Engaged and not actually planning to wed: Joel Madden to Nicole Richie. [People]

Kimora Lee Simmons Is Not Going To Let Russell Be Another Deadbeat Dad

Moe — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:00:00 EDT

Russell Simmons is forking over $20,000 per daughter in child support to Kimora Lee, which seems about right when you take into account that they are not just children but living ambassadors of Fabulosity. [TMZ]
Naomi Campbell was kind enough to get arrested wearing one of Nelson Mandela's signature baseball caps, thus showering millions of dollars in free publicity on his AIDS awareness campaign, and this is the thanks she gets? [MSNBC]
Mary-Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley make out in the new movie The Wackness and now the guy we all associate with one of modern history's foremost humanist visionaires is going around talking about how making out with someone 42 years younger than him was completely cool and she was "totally in charge." [People]
Miley Cyrus admits that her latest song "7 Things" is a very angry song, because it's about an ex-boyfriend, not a specific Jonas brotherly ex-boyfriend you understand, but just like a composite character ex-boyfriend, since anyone who's been around the block a few times knows that shitty guys generally adhere to a few typical patterns of behavior and also, hello, 15-year-old Disney teen idol confections maybe do not write their own songs. Not that their quotes don't sound like they do! "[It goes] through all the different stages of what's been going on the past couple years…It was like a little therapy moment for me." [People]

Christian Bale thinks what happened after Heath Ledger's death amounted to a "hideous circus." [NY Mag]
John Mayer is one of those guys who holds out the fact that he's never cheated on anybody as proof he is a "good guy," but like, what the fuck? With some people you are committing an act of social justice by cheating on them and yes I am talking about Jessica fucking Simpson. [MSNBC]
The Christie Brinkley divorce…you know? I just can't get into it right now. How about we discuss our favorite Billy Joel songs again. If you want to get banned you will say "Still Rock N Roll To Me." [NYDN]
Demi Moore is making some appearances in Dubai but somehow her heart doesn't seem like it's in it. [Page Six]
Brad and Angie gave $1 million to a few charities helping in The Iraq. [AP]
David Beckham is doing a line of mineral water. And sure, sure, it's fine for you and the Beastie Boys to say that maybe another bottled water brand is not what the world needs now, but if you bore the responsibility of hanging onto the title of World's Biggest Carbon Footprint you might come up with some not-particularly-original ideas yourself. [Mirror]
Because Celine Dion sees your hysterical excess, and raises you a $36,343 water bill! [Palm Beach Post]
When Tim McGraw spies a male fan aggressively groping a lady fan at one of his sold-out concerts, he kneels down, drags the guy by the wifebeater onstage, maybe takes a few swings in self-defense before handing him off to his roadies in time to sing the next line of the song he was singing, which just happens to be "I'm not lookin' for trouble." See, a few years back that story would have sounded apocryphal but this is the YouTube era so even doubting Thomases such as myself can safely assure you it really happened. [CMT]
And yeah, ditto on the Verne Troyner sex tape. [TMZ]

Jezebel: verne troyner

Why Does Jennifer Lopez Hide In The Storage Closet At Airports? (Hint: It's Not The Paparazzi!)

Kimora Lee Simmons Is Not Going To Let Russell Be Another Deadbeat Dad