Most critics didn't directly insult Twilight fans, but they clearly resentd the fact that they'll flock to the film regardless of what the reviews say. The Twilight Saga: New Moon was already a box office success before the reviews below were written, with fans camping out to see midnight screenings and Movietickets.com announcing earlier this week that the film had already broke Star Wars — Episode III: Revenge of the Sith's record to become the top advance ticket seller of all-time.

The film may have suffered because Stephenie Meyer's second novel isn't the strongest of the series. In New Moon, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) is celebrating her 18th birthday with her sparkly vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and his family, when she cuts her finger and the scent of her blood makes his brother nearly kill her. Edward breaks up with Bella so that (as the AP puts it) "he doesn't complicate their relationship by giving her a fatal hickey." For the next few months Bella mopes and hangs out with her werewolf friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) and his overly-developed torso (which "should be given its own credit line.") Bella starts putting her life in danger in an effort to reconnect with Edward, and eventually they both wind up in Italy. There they meet the Volturi, a group of red-eyed vampire royalty that includes Aro (Michael Sheen) and Jane (Dakota Fanning).

Chris Weitz, who previously directed About A Boy and The Golden Compass, took over for Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke, who some critics say understood her teenage characters better. Reviewers say that Weitz "paid no attention to pacing" and was more focused on ticket sales than artful direction. The leads don't fare much better. One reviewer writes: "I can't comment on the acting because I didn't catch Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner doing any." Several critics report that their melodramatic acting, as well as several slow-motion shots of Pattinson, result in "unintentional laughs that lighten the movie's relentless gloom." Twilight fans, brace yourselves.

The Los Angeles Times

Constrained by the plot of the novel, the film keeps the two lovers apart for quite a spell, robbing the project of the crazy-in-love energy that made Twilight, the first entry in the series, such a guilty pleasure. New Moon... marks the franchise's entrance into the self-protective, don't rock the boat phase of its existence, which is inevitable but a bit of a shame... A smooth professional whose credits include such adaptations as The Golden Compass and About a Boy, [Chris] Weitz makes the vampire trains of Melissa Rosenberg's capable script run on time, but he almost seems too rational a director for this kind of project. This lack of animating madness combined with the novel's demands give much of New Moon a marking time quality.

The New York Post

New Moon is supposed to be an exciting love story plus monster action. So where's the excitement? Where's the action? Bella (Kristen Stewart) and vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) stare longingly past each other (Pattinson, who keeps entering in hilarious slo-mo, is so intent on smoldering at the camera that he seems to forget there's another person around) and swap excruciating love-chat: "You can't (long pause) protect me (longer pause) from everything." Bad dialogue, like bad news, doesn't get better with age. This movie moves like the line at the post office.

USA Today

Pattinson is not given as much to do in this installment since he removes himself from Bella for her own protection. Bella spends an inordinate amount of time pining away. Unless it's a Ingmar Bergman film, watching an expressionless person stare out a window or trudge around alone in the woods is simply a drag.

The lovelorn Bella has little to recommend her as a heroine. She's sullen, self-absorbed and stubborn. That such a bland and passive character elicits the amorous devotion of both Edward and Jacob is rather mystifying. Almost as incomprehensible is the huge appeal of this series, beyond the obvious timeworn fascination with vampires and werewolves.

Associated Press

The soap-opera melodrama of Stewart, Pattinson and Lautner's performances provides some unintentional laughs that lighten the movie's relentless gloom. Yet Stewart is on screen almost all the time, and her Bella is just a drag to be around. With her flat speech and listless presence, it's unfathomable how two different sets of monsters could fixate so completely on her. All three lovers are so joyless, it's hard to imagine why any of them would want to spend eternity together. They're here for two more movies, though. And that sounds like a real eternity.

Variety

Stewart is the heart and soul of the film, and not only because her Bella is surrounded by characters who literally have neither one nor the other. She gives both weight and depth to dialogue ("You're just warm. You're like your own sun") that would sound like typical chick-lit blather in the mouth of a less engaging actress, and she makes Bella's psychological wounds seem like the real deal.

Time Out New York

At one point, a character wearily deconstructs zombie-cinema symbolism while bemoaning the lack of hot guys. Is this sequel defending its fan base and preempting criticism about its transparent agenda? This is a soap opera, folks-and acceptable escapism for those old enough to see it yet still young enough to shriek at undead dreamboats.

The Chicago Sun-Times

The Twilight Saga: New Moon takes the tepid achievement of Twilight, guts it, and leaves it for undead. You know you're in trouble with a sequel when the word of mouth advises you to see the first movie twice instead. Obviously the characters all have. Long opening stretches of this film make utterly no sense unless you walk in knowing the first film, and hopefully both Stephanie Meyer novels, by heart. Edward and Bella spend murky moments glowering at each other and thinking, So, here we are again.

New York Daily News

While I don't want to upset anyone here, [Lautner and Stewart] share a genuine spark that's missing between Stewart and Pattinson. Still, we all know where Bella's heart really lies. A cynical adult might note that it's easy enough to see where Weitz's heart lies, too. His job is to sell as many tickets as possible, which means hitting all the right notes. He does that well enough, despite some difficulty juggling every subplot. A trip to Italy, in which Bella and Edward face a vampire council... feels particularly squeezed in. And while Stewart has deepened her portrayal of Bella, Pattinson has little to do but brood. Then again, if you've come to this movie looking for fancy filmmaking or an original voice (other than Meyer's), well, Weitz frankly doesn't care. You're not his audience. He's got a franchise to keep running, and he does that with workmanlike precision and minimal intrusion. Which, most likely, is just how fans will want it.

Rolling Stone

Catherine Hardwicke, who directed the first film, better caught the virginal yearning in Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), the high school girl torn between both monsters. Chris Weitz, the director of New Moon, pumps up the action as Jacob turns into an unconvincing digital wolf. I can't comment on the acting because I didn't catch Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner doing any. They basically primp and pose through the same humdrum motions they did before.

The New York Times

There's more - the book is another doorstopper - crammed between the weeping and dolorous gazes, including a pack of snarling, not terribly effective CGI wolves. They're amusing if not as diverting as either Dakota Fanning or Michael Sheen, who pop up in a late-act detour to Italy, where the vampires, unlike their puritanical American cousins, still like to drink. (In a rare moment of narrative wit, Bella flies Virgin.) Mr. Sheen, who's carved out a twinned specialty playing Tony Blair (in three movies) and vampires (four), preens with plausible menace. But it's Ms. Fanning, with the cruel eyes and sleekly upswept hair suggestive of an underage dominatrix, who shows real bite. Mr. Weitz doesn't know what to do with her, but when she smiles, you finally see the darker side of desire.

Salon

Bella's eyes pop when she gets a load of [Jacob's] chest, and she gets to see a lot of it, as we do. Forget that wan Victorian valentine Edward — the movie only wants to hammer on the notion that women feel conflicted between sensitive, skinny pale guys who'll protect them with their mad vampire skilz and brawny bruisers who'll protect them with muscle, either the wolf or the human kind. In the New Moon world, there's no in between. These movies, and the books they're based on, are all about veiled sexuality, with all its thrills and threats: There's no sex in these pictures, only the vague, gauzy promise of it — predicated on the way young girls often dream of being swept off their feet by a handsome, laconic hunk but don't want to think about what might come after. But the problem isn't that New Moon takes an uncomplicated view of sex; it's that it doesn't even bother to take a romantic view of romance. Weitz appears to have paid no attention to pacing here: The movie is essentially a string of brooding speeches, often delivered in the woods, with very little interesting connective tissue in between. The dialogue consists of numerous variations on two lines, the first being "I love you, but I'm a vampire, and I can't protect you," the second, "I love you, but I'm a werewolf, and I can't protect you."

Time

As Edward, Pattinson is all pale passion and tortured restraint; his eyebrows, like muskrats determined to mate, hunch together in the middle of his sunken face; the few times he smiles, it looks as if it hurts, and he still seems reluctant to move his mouth when he talks... Where Pattinson's Edward is cold, bloodless and trapped in his head, Taylor Lautner's Jacob is warm, tawny, genial and able to get Kristen Stewart's shrink-wrapped Bella to stretch out and relax a little onscreen. It's as though the sun can come back out once Edward leaves; there are genuinely funny moments in their scenes together, not to mention sexual tension. Expect an eruption in the theater during the scene in which a thrill-seeking Bella wrecks the motorcycle Jacob rebuilt for her and he strips off his T-shirt to tend her bleeding head. From that point on, his torso remains so central a character it should be given its own credit line.

The Boston Globe

In most other respects, the movie's a drag - paced like a dirge and cursed with dialogue and a goopy musical score (Alexandre Desplat, how could you?) that bring out the book's worst daytime soap tendencies. But what can you expect from an installment that keeps the central duo of human Bella and vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) apart for an extended 500-page sulk? Even my impromptu focus group (two adolescent daughters and one friend) voted New Moon the least involving of the four books.

The A.V. Club

Lautner helps break up Stewart and Pattinson's overwhelming dourness, as do New Moon's occasional attempts at humor. However, while Lautner is the only one of the three principals who can smile without looking exceedingly uncomfortable, his wooden carriage and delivery add up to all the onscreen appeal of a Ken doll, and the film still turns in more unintentional, forehead-slapping laughs than scripted ones, particularly for audiences who haven't been inoculated by the books. New Moon was clearly made with its disturbingly loyal fans in mind, and while its cheesy, melodramatic charm is unlikely to win any new converts to the series, it succeeds in giving its intended audience exactly what it wants.

Slate

Mopey, draggy, and absurdly self-important, the movie nonetheless twangs at some resonant affective chord. This viewer, at least, was catapulted back to that moment of adolescence when being mopey, draggy, and absurdly self-important felt like a passionate act of liberation. The Twilight movies are schlock, but they're elegantly appointed, luxuriously enjoyable schlock, and the world they take place in-the densely forested, perpetually overcast, vampire-and-werewolf-ridden town of Forks, Washington - feels like a real, if fantastical, place. It's as specific and evocative a location as the fictional Washington town of Twin Peaks. It's this sense of place that elevates the Twilight films above the best-selling books by Stephenie Meyer, made up of impenetrable blocks of descriptive yet curiously featureless prose.

Twilight was a pleasant surprise, a dish of cream-heavy teen romance that had at least been made with a guiding sensibility behind it. New Moon, on the other hand, merely follows a dictated formula. It's a cheap, shoddy piece of work, one that banks on moviegoers' anticipation without even bothering to craft a satisfying experience for them. Its pandering is an insult. New Moon moons its audience, and makes them pay for the so-called privilege.

Movie Talk: New Moon Already Setting Ticket Sales Record [Yahoo]

Volvo just launched WhatDrivesEdward.com. Because nothing says says "vampire" like a shiny Swedish "crossover" vehicle. (Watch out! The dramatic violin music on that website might… put you to sleep.)

Writes AdWeek's Kenneth Hein:

"Presumably with Twilight being a tween girl franchise, they are hoping that the message might be picked up by moms to use the Volvo to take their adolescent little vampires to soccer practice," said Lucian James of the brand strategy consultancy Agenda.

Wow, that sounds… absolutely ridiculous! Here's how they're tying together Edward Cullen's creepy obsessive need to take care of Bella with a $34,000 hatchback:

There's more to life than a Volvo. There's having the power to keep safe what you hold most dear.

Lame.

Just like there are 7 vampires better than Edward Cullen, there are at least two spooky cars better than his dumb Volvo:

The Munsters' car.

The Addams Family car.

Because just like Edward, a the Volvo XC60 doesn't have any bite.

Twilight's 'New Moon' Rises For Volvo [AdWeek]
WhatDrivesEdward.com [Volvo]

Earlier: 7 Vampires Better Than Twilight's Edward Cullen

Here's what Stephen Marche says in Esquire: "Vampires have overwhelmed pop culture because young straight women want to have sex with gay men. Not all young straight women, of course, but many, if not most, of them." Well, who can argue with such an authoritative statement? It's like arguing with the friend who refuses to believe everyone isn't a leetle bit gay and just smiles smugly at your denial if and when you try to argue.

Yes, True Blood, with its "God Hates Fangs" credit sequence, makes an explicit, topical, X-Men-style parallel. I can buy that our alleged collective love of the undead indicates a new acceptance of the Other. Sure, sounds good! And I can even get behind vampire-as-collective-unease-in-rough-times, especially as these plots tend to involve understanding and taming the unknown forces. But here's where he loses me:

Edward, the romantic hero of the Twilight series, is a sweet, screwed-up high school kid, and at the beginning of his relationship with Bella, she is attracted to him because he is strange, beautiful, and seemingly repulsed by her. This exact scenario happened several times in my high school between straight girls and gay guys who either hadn't figured out they were gay or were still in the closet. Twilight's fantasy is that the gorgeous gay guy can be your boyfriend, and for the slightly awkward teenage girls who consume the books and movies, that's the clincher. Vampire fiction for young women is the equivalent of lesbian porn for men: Both create an atmosphere of sexual abandon that is nonthreatening. That's what everybody wants, isn't it? Sex that's dangerous and safe at the same time, risky but comfortable, gooey and violent but also traditional and loving. In the bedroom, we want to have one foot in the twenty-first century and another in the nineteenth.

Hello, scarecrow, how about some fire? I've written enough dubious college papers to know the technique of slipping a weird assertion between some inarguable ones. Sure, vampires deal with off-limits sex, This same argument has been made, with more credence, to suggest the perils of the sexual world vis a vis virginity. Sex is scary. But Twilight doesn't work because Edward's asexual - it works because he wants her so much, but loves her too much to endanger her. More to the point: liking gay boys? Not really a "thing." Sure, some people do. People also have crushes on straight guys. And hormones are raging and friendships are close and all kinds of heartbreaking things go down.

And so vampires have appeared to help America process its newfound acceptance of what so many once thought strange or abnormal. Adam and Steve who live on your corner with their adorable little son and run a bakery? The transgendered man who gave birth to a healthy baby? The teenage girl who wishes that all boys could be vampires? All part of the luscious and terrifying magic of today's sexual revolution.

Well, sure, but how is this the same as "young straight women want to have sex with gay men?" Because you can't just say that and then produce a couple of teens with unrequited crushes. Talk about reductive, Mister. For someone writing about acceptance, you're doing a lot of generalizing. In fact, I begin to worry that a lot of the blame for this bizarre theory rests with Ann Rice, who seems to have an obsession with both Nosferatu and, if the bit of A.N. Roquelaure I was forced to read is any indication, lusting after gay princes. But here's one generalization I do feel comfortable making: Ann Rice doesn't really speak for all of us. And yes, I see that smug, knowing smile.

What's Really Going on With All These Vampires? [Esquire]

Sookie was discovering, with the help of nutty bride Maryann, that she might not even be human. Sookie is at her best when she is strong; "What the fuck are you?" is the kind of stuff she should be asking more often.

Zombie Layfayette was discovering that he likes being a bridesmaid.

Hoyt's mama was discovering that being a crazy black-eyed zombie is a whole lotta fun.

Question: if a demon forced you to be her maid of honor, would you lick the egg?

Queen Sophie-Anne was also dropping hints about Sookie's non-human qualities; there's definitely something going on that's making her attractive to vampires. And those of us who have not read the books are left wondering why the Queen has Eric selling blood for her, and what Sookie's cousin Hadley has to do with anything.

The wedding seemed to be, in part, a send-up of "Bridezilla" clichés, only more gory. Lafayette saying "Worship him, bitches!" ought to be a ringtone.

Like many nuptials where the ceremony is a bigger deal than the relationship between the bride and the groom, the wedding turned out to be BULL.

And Maryann turned into a Corpse Bride.

To be honest, I am glad to be done with her. It was interesting to see the town in the grips of blind faith, and there were many metaphors there — the black-eyed masses doing things without even knowing why could be applied to politics, religion, race issues, etc. In addition, the idea that because of Maryann, these people — who usually kept things like sex, drinking and hate undercover — were letting it all hang out was also a nod to the '60s counter-culture and sex clubs and the concept of freedom. That said: Happy to move on.

Sam's self-discovery had many different levels. He sacrificed himself for the town; allowed his nemesis Bill to save him; but was also mourning the loss of Daphne, the only one like him he's ever known. At one point during the episode, he said to Bill, "It took me this long to realize that you suffer in life more hiding something than you do if you face it," which is probably one of the lessons Sookie will have to learn as well, what with her telepathy and non-human powers. In any case, Sam looked up his adoptive mom, who apologized to him, and his adoptive father — on his deathbed — gave Sam some info on how to find his "real" parents. (Question: Does Sam have more powers, now that he's drunk Bill's blood?)

Eggs' self-discovery had the gravest consequences. He basically begged Sookie to help him remember what he'd done, but living with the knowledge that he'd been Maryann's assassin proved too much for him to take. Personally, I didn't like the way he died. I didn't like that it was Jason's fault, and I didn't like Andy covering up for Jason. The whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. I am glad that Andy is back on the police force, and that the sheriff has newfound respect for him. (He said: "You might have your faults, Andy, but at least you've got your pants on.")

Jessica The Teen Vamp's truck stop attack: WTF.

Lastly, Bill proposed to Sookie, throwing in plane tickets to Vermont, keeping up the vampires-are-like-gays analogy. Instead of immediately saying yes, Sookie was filled with questions and doubts, and this Sookie — the one who uses her heart and her mind is the one that makes the show more interesting. Since Bill's apparently been kidnapped, we'll be waiting a while to see how all this self-discovery plays out.

Overall, I'm not sure I liked this season as much as the first. While this finale was big and noisy, it lacked emotional depth, for me. The major plots this season: The Fellowship of The Sun and Maryann — meant that storyline, for the most part, revolved around non-vampires doing non-vampire things. Eric makes an excellent baddie. Lafayette needs more screen time. Hoyt and Jessica's relationship was a delight; and Hoyt's mama was a joy to watch, but orgy after orgy? Tedious. Here's hoping that the show focuses on a bloody good plot next season.

"Never underestimate the power of blind faith." Bill was looking for some help in defeating Maryann the Maenad; Queen Sophie Anne was just bored and teasing — but the Truth, as a theme, came up again and again. (Plus, she told Bill the Truth: A maenad can't be killed.)

Just a note: Lafayette with furry handcuffs and a shotgun is someone you want on your side. But while Tara was being held captive, she, also started spilling the Truth: Telling her (formerly drunk) mother that she'd never been a true woman of God.

Jason Stackhouse, in his own misguided way, attempted to deal with the Truth, telling Sam: "Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible. Or the Constitution." The question is, are traditional weapons the best way to defeat what's invaded his town?

Here's another Truth: Eric in Tara's mom's dress was freaky, yet awesome. Are Lafayette's hallucinations PTSD, vampire-related, or something else? And why haven't we been able to see his "nasty" and "fantastic" sex dreams about Eric? Boo.

With Bill out of town visiting the Queen, Sookie had to stand up for herself and be strong. Thank the Lord she's not the damsel in distress anymore! She actually threw some kind of kitschy ashtray at Tara's mom; rescuing Lafayette from gunpoint. Plus: She told Lafaytte to shoot Maryann if he had the chance, saying: "I mean it! Shoot her in the head!" This is the kind of Sookie you can root for! Poor Lafayette, he just seemed to have something else on his mind.

More Truth: Hoyt's mama lied about how Hoyt's daddy died. Also, perhaps Hoyt has been lying to himself about what it means to date a vampire; since Jessica bit his mother. And maybe Jessica has been lying to herself about how well she can control her urges. She is a new vampire, after all. And she was a young human when she was turned. The Truth is, she has a lot of growing to do. Another Truth: Actress Dale Raoul really just electrifies the screen playing Hoyt's mama, I just can't stop loving/hating her.

There are plenty of gory, bloody and disgusting moments on this show, what with people chopping off their own fingers and so on, but for some reason, Sookie having to lie on the kitchen floor where her grandmother died with some smelly possessed guy was one of the most disturbing things in the entire episode. A few moments earlier, she'd wondered, "How come there's so much wrong in the world?" She's dating a man who drinks blood; her grandmother was murdered, and Sookie is still disappointed that evil lurks. The truth hurts. Of course, elsewhere in her wold, Sam was making a deal with Eric and Sookie's boyfriend was turning down sex with a Latvian boy. Plus, Jason was saying: "This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumbasses, but they're still Americans." Some good deeds to balance out the bad.

Toward the end of the episode, Bill was fed up with playing Queen Sophie Anne's games and she told him the Truth: the "God Who Comes" never actually comes. "Gods only exist in humans minds like money and morality," she explained. Something an immortal would say.

Lastly: What the hell is this? Is Lafayette making a big omelette dinner? The truth, please!!!

Earlier: True Blood: "She Wants To Cut Out My Heart While A Bunch Of Naked People Watch"
True Blood: Sookie's Dreamy Nightmare
True Blood: The Church Showdown & The Perma-Virgin

Sam finally figured out that Maryann is a maenad, and he and Andy Bellefleur — some of the only people in town not under Maryann's spell — teamed up to try and figure out what to do. How do you kill an immortal? As devotees of the books have mentioned, the maenads were the female followers of Dionysus, and reveled in dancing, uncontrolled sexual behavior and drunken intoxication. It sounds great in theory, but Maryann's black-eyed mob shows that such soulless behavior can lead down a dark, frenzied path and involve intense physical sacrifices.

But let's back up a little bit. Let's just say you went away for a little while, and when you came back, this bullcrap was in your front yard:

Maryann's construction of bones, raw meat, flowers and feathers. Charming, no?

When Sookie, Jason and Bill returned to Bon Temps, they found that the townspeople had gone cuckoo, and Hoyt's mother was one of the black-eyed under Maryann's spell.

It's interesting that Hoyt's mother, Maxine Fortenberry, already had a heap of hate in her heart before falling under Maryann's spell — seems like she didn't have far to fall. I thought Dale Raoul, the actress playing Ms. Fortenberry, really seemed to relish acting like a brainwashed wacko. "Playing Wii gets her to focus" was a nice touch.

Discovering that his town, his "home turf" was under attack spurred Jason Stackhouse into action. It's such a perfect redemption plotline for him, since his time with the anti-vampire Fellowship of the Sun Church seemed so misguided. But he's grown, and with his training and courage, he set out to get to the bottom of the problem, saying, "This is the war I've been training for."

Meanwhile, Sookie went back to her house, which Maryann had been using as her base. I've been complaining about how frequently Sookie has needed to be rescued this season, so it was a welcome twist to see her exhibit some moxie, strength and courage. And that was before she zapped Maryann with powers neither Sookie (nor we) knew she had, leaving Maryann to ask, stunned and amazed: "What are you?"

Poor Lafayette was busy making zero progress with a possessed Tara. Luckily, Bill and Sookie helped get through to Tara — delving into her mind and rescuing her from the clutches of the demon. Again, Sookie proved that she is strong, and capable, and fearless when it comes to protecting her friends.

As is her brother, Jason: He saved Sam Merlotte from a black-eyed mob! Only to be foiled by an extremely efficient Terry Bellefleur. Terry, who suffers from PTSD, became a natural leader while under Maryann's spell — thinking fairly clearly and acting with military precision. His previous experiences in the armed forces seem to have prepared him for being taken over by a demon spirit. One type of brainwashing replaced the other. Check out his bravado:

The mob's single-minded focus on catching Sam Merlotte was, in the end, their downfall: Once he gave himself up to them, they weren't entirely sure what to do with him. Which made it easier for Jason and Andy to distract them, pretending to be "The God Who Comes."

Of course, Jason wasn't really the god the townspeople were waiting for. But between his theatrics and Sam's shapeshifting, the mob backed off and dispersed. But Maryann is still very much in the picture, which means Sam is still in danger.

At the end of the episode, Bill went to visit the Queen, to get some help to defeat Maryann, so we'll see how that pans out. It's notable that the town had been in the grips of vampire prejudice, and now may need help from a vampire. It's also interesting that all of the boozing, sex and gluttony the mob has been indulging in while under Maryann's spell are just the kind of things they like to accuse vampires of. Ever since the first episode of True Blood, much has been made of the vampire's plight being parallel to that of gay rights (even without the Fellowship Of The Sun plotline, the "God Hates Fangs" sign in the opening credits keeps that theme alive). But really, when the vampire characters (like Bill and Godric) act humanely, and the human characters (Rene; the whole town) act like animals, it speaks to deeper truths about what it means to be human, dead or alive.

But it was also confusing to see him smitten with Sookie, and I was confused about the dream/fantasy/hallucination: Did Eric get into Sookie's brain, or were Sookie's desires bubbling up from her subconscious? Also, I like Eric and Sookie together better than Bill and Sookie right now. Should I feel bad about that? Anyway. The episode started out with a bang, when Luke suicide bombed himself inside the lair. Lots of blood and Luke's severed hand, with the Honesty Ring still on it. Eric protected Sookie from harm, but tricked her into sucking silver shrapnel from his body, and now that she's tasted his blood, they are linked. She's the heroine of the show. Why is she so dumb?
Additional highlights:

• Jessica musing, "I can't be the only vampire virgin."
• Arlene to Terry: "Quit being so much more peculiar than you usually are."
• Hoyt's momma's potato chip and grilled cheese sandwich, followed by Hoyt telling off his momma. (Plus, it seemed like there may have been some foreshadowing; I wouldn't be surprised if Hoyt's momma had a heart attack.)
• Sam turning into a fly to escape from jail (and Maryann).
• Lafayette stealing Tara away from the clutches of Maryann and Eggs.
• Bill saying, "We have a score to settle," and punching Eric, which is what you do when a dude tricks your girlfriend into sucking his blood.
• Godric's resignation as sheriff.
• Godric about to meet the sun, with Eric on his knees, sobbing "please."

For instance:

• Sam was anonymously called to Merlotte's only to find Daphne's dead body in the freezer. And yes, Daphne's heart was missing. Just like Miss Jeanette's was, earlier.
• Guess who sliced up a heart and served it to Tara and Eggs for dinner as a "hunter's souflée"? Maryann.
• Andy Bellefleur told the truth and no one believed him. Wait, that always happens.
• Jason and Sookie reunited.
• Definite sensuality between Eric and Godric. Seriously, when Eric dropped to his knees in front of Godric early in the episode, I was basically done. That's all I ever needed. Well maybe some nuzzling would have been nice, like if Eric had ever so gently laid his head on Godric's stomach and Godric had stroked Eric's cheek and, um, AHEM. Moving on.
• Definitely "something" between Eric and Sookie.
• Lorena got schooled. Twice.
• There was a giant showcase showdown at the church, involving everyone who's anyone. Props to Jason Stackhouse for shooting Reverend Newlin in the head (with a paintball gun), and for saying: "I've already been to heaven… I was inside your wife."

In the clip above, Godric stops what would have been a blood bath at the church showdown. I like when he says, "I'm actually older than your Jesus" all humble and calm.

The other major development involved Jessica the teen vamp attempting to lose her virginity and realizing, to her dismay, that because of her super-fast vampire healing ability, her hymen grew back after Hoyt broke it. Talk about teen angst!