Glamour's Stupids-worthy hints include not driving while reading the newspaper (or brushing your teeth), and not putting popcorn inside your vagina. According to the ever-obvious "dos and don'ts" section, you should also not expose your buttcheeks to public view. And woe betide the woman who tries to be "perfect" — she might end up falling down the stairs and breaking her daughter's leg, like Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski. Using Brezinski's accident as a cautionary tale about "doing too much too soon" seems like a stretch, but if editors couldn't generalize individual women's experiences into prescriptive "tips for all women, ladymags wouldn't exist — and neither would Cover Lies.

The BBC writeup of the report — which was originally published in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology — should be required reading for anyone considering cosmetic surgery to their reproductive organas. The BBC says some women seek such surgery because "they are embarrassed in front of a sexual partner," but the reports authors argue that this embarrassment is really caused by ads that promote a "homogenised, pre-pubescent genital appearance" (a claim borne out by the fact that some genital plastic surgeons employ PR firms to get the word out about their, um, services). They also say that any discomfort caused by protruding labia may be psychological rather than physical, and could be treated with therapy instead of surgery. This recommendation isn't without its annoying aspects — after all, women have been told their problems are all in their head for a long time. However, it seems reasonable that women who are convinced their labia are weird would be more likely to experience pain, and that a first step might be helping them understand that when it comes to female genitals, there's a wide range of normal.

The real kicker of the report, though, is its examination of the risks involved in labioplasty. The authors mention a potential loss of sexual sensation, which we've heard before. But they also say that the procedure may cause some of the same childbirth problems as female genital mutilation does, including bleeding and tearing in labor, and even the death of the infant. Anyone eating breakfast might want to skip this part, but a commenter on a an earlier post shared some first-hand experience with the problem:

[I]n nursing school I helped out at the delivery of a woman who'd had labiaplasty several years before, and holy shit. It sort of, um, shredded. One of the most horrific things I've seen in my career. It took them a really long time to sew everything back together, and I have a feeling she would have happily gone back to some slightly asymmetric or (gasp!) flappy labia if she could have.

Beyond the gross-out factor, what's upsetting about this news is how closely it links plastic surgery to forms of ritual violence done to woman's body. Some cosmetic procedures — such as female circumcision reversal, or sex changes for those who want them — can improve people's quality of life. But in many cases plastic surgery can be simply another form of misogynist mutilation, based on the notion that there's something inherently wrong with a woman's body that only slicing and cutting can fix. It's disturbing that we've come to a point where women will pay £3,000 (about $5,000) for what is essentially mortification of the flesh — and their most intimate flesh at that.

British plastic surgeons are contesting the report with ultra-persuasive arguments like this one:

Lads' mags are looked at by girlfriends, and make them think more about the way they look. We live in times where we are much more open about our bodies - and changing them - and labioplasty is simply a part of this.

But Professor Philip Steer, editor-in-chief of the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, says,

Commercial images and social pressures often serve to distort public perceptions about what is physically normal. Healthy messaging about the normal variation in female genitalia, as well as body shape and size more generally, is needed and important.

Amen.

New Warning On 'Perfect Vaginas' [BBC]
"Designer Vagina" Surgery May Be Unsafe, Say Experts [Times Online]

Earlier: Experts Agree: Vaginoplasty Is Stupid, Unnecessary, & Dangerous
Pimp My Vadge: A Woman's Opinion

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer questions about vibrator sex, NYC, and shark sex. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. Or to Twitter.

What's The Best Position For Using A Magic Wand During Sex? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer questions about self-defense, moles, and Mexico. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. Or to Twitter.

P.S. We are totally serious about the Tattoo Challenge. If someone gets a tattoo of us, we will fly them to NYC (within the continental U.S.) and put them up for two nights.

"Can I Use My Old Vibrator With My New Partner?" from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Once you go black…


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.You might prefer dimpled balls.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Short but sweet.


Bubbler balls.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Day-old dog poop.


Double header!


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.A dick with a rib cage gives a whole new meaning to "boner."


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Just for his pleasure.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Shocker!


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Peyronie's bong.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Camo, for the outdoorsy type.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.No veins.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Straight shooter.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Dude, where's my carb?


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Steel vagina.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Ketchup and bun?


Guys who smoke enough pot to get a naked lady pipe are hippies, which is why they prefer their naked ladies all natural down there.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.It's rare that something is weird yet predictable.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.You suck butt.


You suck orange butt.


Three input draw.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.It's almost boring at this point.


Cirque du Soleil.

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer gay-related questions about skin tags, prison rape, and foreign accents. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. Or to Twitter. If we remember to check it, we'll answer those, too.

How Do Gay Men Feel About Vaginas? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer questions about love, porn, and discovering the power within your pussy. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Or send us your phone number! We wanna talk.)

What Does "Power Bottom" Mean? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer questions about gay boyfriends, fisting, and drinking your mom's wine. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Or send us your phone number! We wanna talk.)



Will Continued Use Of Tampons Stretch Out My Vagina? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

In the clip at left, Haskins takes a look at the Schick Quattro ads in which ladies trim their bush, Australian ads where a woman is shown frolicking with her beaver, and a tampon commercial that depicts Mother Nature delivering her monthly gift in person. Clearly, we must devise natural metaphors for our vaginas, for, as Haskins explains, "we are ladies and when our delicate lady parts are mentioned we cannot bear it." Which is why, at her suggestion, we will now only refer to our genitalia as our "Sarlacc the sand pit from Return of the Jedi."

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Your Garden [Current]

Earlier: Schick Quattro Ads Are About As Subtle As Bai Ling's Wardrobe
Leave It To Beaver
Feminine Hygiene Commercials Are Rarely Genius
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Sarah Haskins Targets The View
Sarah Haskins Has A Problem With Marketing Family Meals To Moms
Brides, Botox & Yogurt: Sarah Haskins Targets Those Who Target Women

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich and I answer questions about pubes, gossip, and female circumcision. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Or send us your phone number! We wanna talk.)

How Long Do I Have To Wait To Have Sex After An Abortion? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Susie Bright, sex-positive feminist and author, was gracious enough to help with your most troubling sex questions. All week, she and her daughter Aretha will be providing us with their sage advice. After the jump!

A lot of Jezzie readers asked yesterday, "Where does Susie Bright get off saying a woman can't come from intercourse alone?"

I think we have a "word" problem. When I say that penis-vagina intercourse can't make a woman orgasm, I mean that the sensation of a phallus sliding against vaginal walls is not sufficient. If our vaginal walls were sensitive enough to spark orgasm, we would all suffer horrible deaths during childbirth. It's our birth canal!

When I insist, "There's got to be some clitoral stimulation, or there's no female orgasm," I'm talking about a very big understanding of the clit. It is a lot bigger than most people think. And you can't see most of it from the outside! There's certainly more than one way to make it happy.

Let's think about men's anatomy-everyone knows what a man's cock and balls look like. If you told a man that his "penis" was nothing more than the head of his cock-his "glans"-he would laugh in your face. If he pitied you, he might tell you that there was an important aspect to the penis called the shaft, also the frenulum, and perhaps a foreskin. His scrotum and balls are part of the essential package as well.

Women's anatomy education, on the other hand, has been a giant exercise in vacancy.

Until recent times, we've been schooled that the clitoris-the female analog to the penis-is nothing more than the small glans one can see on the outside of the vulva. Start laughing. Women have a big, big, clitoral body-but it's nearly all on the inside, instead of the outdoor plumbing that's viewed so easily on men. The reason you hear so much about the "G-spot," and controversies over whether women are excited by internal anal or vaginal pressure, is because those areas are all means to massage, and stimulate, the internal clitoral body. The G-spot isn't some extra accessory; it's just one of many inches on the clitoral map. Remember: the whole clit, and nothing but.

Of course, the female clitoral glans is the super-sensitive part, just like a man's. But in the same way that men like to have their entire penises taken into account when they're aroused, women are favored by attention to their entire clitorises.

When I present this information in public, I am hampered by my lack of rendering skills. Now, finally, I have the genius of Betty "Quick Draw" Dodson to show you what's it's all about. The next time someone asks you, "Where's the clitoris? What does it look like? How do you know where to find it?" you simply come over here, and press play.

And now, for our next question:
THE BOY WHO DIDN'T LIKE DOGGIE
I like being fucked from behind, but my boyfriend refuses to even try it. He says it's gross, that it's for dogs, not people. What can I do to persuade him that it's fun, and not an insult?
Alessandra

Aretha: He's the problem. What's the matter with him?? Ummm…watch Snoop Dogg.

Susie: JESUS CHRIST! I don't want to hear about what you watch…

Aretha: Well, I didn't want to hear you answer that other masturbation question!

Susie: Okay, let's start over. We agreed we could both say "TMI" whenever we wanted to. How do we get this boyfriend to not be so uptight?

Aretha: I'd probably get a little evil.

Susie: You mean, trick him?

Aretha: Yeah, lay down and say you want a back massage, "Just a back massage." So then he has to straddle you, so he can do it right. That gets him used to being relaxed on top of you. Look back at him, give him lots of eye contact and encouragement. Ask him to bite your neck. He's just got to get comfortable being back there. You'll feel his comfort level coming up, and then you just make it happen. If all fails, just sit on him backwards, and slip it in.

Susie: You make it sound so simple. But you're probably right. I have to guess this is a young man. I don't think this phase of his is going to last very long. He probably thinks all kinds of things are gross, like green vegetables, but pretty soon he's going to grow up.

THE SLUT FACTOR
At what point is promiscuity self-destructive? At what point is it empowering?
Carrie

Aretha: It depends on the people you're sleeping with! No jealous jerks, psychos, disrespectful people. Keep a standard. Know what you're attracted to, and don't fuck just anybody.

Susie: Well, that would be easy if you could tell all of that ahead of time. What about the other side, how do you know if it's empowering?

Aretha: Having as much sex as you want is empowering when you're having fun, you're eating, sleeping, working, getting on with your life.

Susie: I love that you always put sleeping on your "Top 5" list. I have a problem with that word, "promiscuity." It implies sluttiness, which is used to shame women, not men. It's not what the town prude thinks about you that's the issue, it's whether you're having satisfying reciprocal sex with people who respect sex itself.

GROSS FOR SOME PEOPLE
Okay, this may be gross for some people, but I have to ask. My boyfriend has expressed an interest in being peed and shat on. I'm totally curious to try this out but I have no idea how to do it at all, I know how to go to the bathroom, I obviously mean in a sexy, clean, fun way for both of us and also with minimal clean-up if possible. Any suggestions? Also, I am wondering where this interest comes from for people? Is it Freudian or is it as simple as just wanting to try new and different things sexually?
Rose

Aretha: OH MY GOD! No way! It's always a shocker when a young man "expresses" himself…most of them hardly say anything. Mom, I DON'T KNOW! What happens to the shit? Do you do it in shower? What is the right setting?

Susie: The bathroom is the right place; you've got that right. The pee is not really that big of a deal, it's sterile, you've probably peed in the shower before and never even thought about it.

Aretha: My default answer to all sex questions is light some candles and it'll be a lot sexier. Bubble bath!

Susie: Dealing with scat makes things a lot more medical, you have to put on your nurse hat and really plan things, to avoid infection. I would treat these two things apart, 'cause the pee could be an easy experiment without a lot of risk, and then you could see how you felt about his fantasy, and the whole psychological side of it, with him. Here's a couple of highly informative books: Anal Pleasure and Health, and Intimate Invasion: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play.

You could ask where his fantasy comes from…you could ask that about anything. Why do people who want to do it in the missionary position, aside from peer pressure? Why do people make porn out of anything and every subject? Fetish usually comes from memories like every part of our unconscious. The hidden issue behind your question is that he wants you to dominate him and revel in humiliation…you have to find out how you jibe with that, regardless of the bodily fluids.

Susie's newest book is X: The Erotic Treasury. She blogs at susiebright.com and podcasts about sex and politics weekly on: In Bed With Susie Bright.

Susie at Happy Ending Lounge, photo by Stacie Joy.

First, disclosure: Managing editor Anna Holmes, former editor Moe Tkacik and this website's commenters are all quoted at length, posts are cited, and Jezebel is credited as one of the progenitors of the the new openness, "the leader of the oversharing crusade, with vibrant, aromatic and really graphic posts about everything from lodged tampons to yeast infection remedies to bloody period sex to female ejaculation." And we can't deny it: we have been known, on occasion, to wax anatomical. Not only do we as a community not happen to find the female body an uncomfortable subject, but it's safe to say we all appreciate that there's something uniquely fascinating about its mysteries. Graphic accounts can be gross, sure, but also comforting, reassuring, informative and funny in ways probably mysterious to men but very important to women.

In a larger sense, it is, of course, as Anna terms it, "cathartic." Traister identifies the phenomenon's larger implications: "Oversharing is in. And for a lot of people who are doing the sharing, or experiencing it, it's not so much "too much information" as it is the next, necessary step in personal-is-political, enlightened honesty about the female body." What may have been rooted, as Traister says, in a touchy-feely second wave Our Bodies Ourselves mentality, in more politicized "reclaiming" of the female body and, more lately, vaginas-are-outrageous shock-value humor is, hopefully, morphing into something neither shocking nor particularly charged.

As Moe says in the article, these pieces are about more than just tampons, female ejaculation and garlic cloves: they're about vulnerabilities, insecurities and fears - a female shorthand that implicitly evokes the biological push-pulls that govern so much of our lives. Such accounts can be frank, but what people are learning is that they are not inherently vulgar. Quite simply, when talking openly and honestly about women's issues, it would be disingenuous and bizarre not to "overshare" about our bodies. The female body will not be ignored: it burbles and leaks and creaks and drips and emits and produces and reproduces and generates and puffs and inflates and occasionally reeks. It is fascinating. It is scary. It is alarming. It is hilarious and silly and mysterious. As the range of experiences in "My Little Red Book," the new "first period" compendium, makes clear, this openness is a stark contrast to the fear and secrecy and implicit judgment that surrounded anything anatomical in the past. So when you're grossed out, just remember: we overshare because we love. And you can always skip the post - at least we have the option.

The Great Girl Gross-Out [Salon]
Earlier: Aunt Flo Visiting? My Little Red Book Demystifies Periods
Ten Days In The Life Of A Tampon
Shejaculation: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Gush
Where Garlic Has Never Gone Before: Or, How Not To Cure A Yeast Infection

When Hilton appeared last week on The Howard Stern Show, he accused Handler (not for the first time) of having surgery to reduce the size of her labia. In this short clip, Hilton manages to insult both Handler and Lauren Conrad's "lady bits" , telling Chelsea that if she has undergone cosmetic surgery on her reproductive organs, she could be a "role model to women, if you were open about it." Handler ended the discussion by pulling out her cloth vagina, and saying the only real thing you can say to all this crap: "at least it's something to talk about."

The commercial is for GlaxoSmithKline’s Lactacyd vaginal cream. Like the Australian Kotex ad we’ve run before, the Lactacyd video is explicitly about the care of a woman's vagina, no euphemisms, no blue liquid, no ambiguous shots of girls doin’ girl stuff while vague and annoying music (“It’s just an ordinary day!”) plays in the background. The Lactacyd ad, created by the female creative duo Grey Amsterdam, shows all the things a vagina would see throughout the day: a toilet bowl, some guy’s naked torso, a tampon coming straight at it. It’s not perfect (feminine hygiene commercials rarely are) but at least you know exactly what it's for.

Finally, An Ad Told From The POV Of A Vagina! [AdFreak]

20.) Bobby Brown Farts On Carnie Wilson, Pees On Dee Snider
Bobby Brown took a half-hearted stab at earning a pay check and having a country music career via the reality show Gone Country, in which he lived with other out-of-work celebs down South and competed for a record contract. In this clip, he gets drunk, eats ribs, farts and pees.

19.) Teen Bathes, Then Bonds With Senior Citizen
Baby Borrowers was a social experiment in the form of a reality show that was supposed to teach teenagers how hard it is to raise a family and run a household. For some reason, one of the episodes called for the teens to care for senior citizens, maybe to scare them off of the burden of dealing with elderly parents later on down the road. In this clip, a teen has to bathe her senior ward, and then they have a touching conversation about the generational differences of filing nails square or rounded.

18.) Meet The Two Most Effective Forms Of Birth Control
Some episodes of Supernanny are scarier than horror movies. In this clip, two little terrors defiantly pick their noses and wipe the boogers on a wall, physically abuse their mother and say terrifying things like, "I have a dick and a weenie in my weenie," and "I'm gonna fuck you in your privates one day!"

17.) Vagina Insults Are The New "Ya Momma"
MTV's That's Amore — the spin-off of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila — featured women who incessantly talked about other women's vaginas.

16.) American Idol Contestant Who Looks Like Willem Dafoe With Face Glitter
Alexis Cohen was one of those "bad" auditions featured during the open-call leg of American Idol. They're always easy targets, but her working knowledge of the English language and her literal glittery attempt at polishing a turd made her the best of the worst.

15.) Stage Mom Has Violent, Psychotic Outburst
Rocky, stage mother to Haley, from VH1's I Know My Kid's a star first won our hearts when she asked her daughter if her tampon string was visibly hanging below her miniskirt. This freak out sealed the deal.

14.) Woman With A Half Wig Cries About It
Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta attracted attention and confusion over her hair — an obvious wig that did not match the color of the natural bangs in the front. Her attempt at clearing the matter up (she had cancer!) only confused everyone more (wait, she only thought she had cancer!).

13.) Pussylicious
The reality show in which women compete for a spot (that's actually never given to them) in the the Pussycat Dolls lineup was called Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, which obviously needed to be shortened to "pussylicious." Especially after one girl's introduction included her saying, "I'm Cassandra. I'm from Aurora, Illinois, I live in Chicago now, and I have a tattoo of cherries on my hoo-ha." Later, another girl gets injured and is forced to dance in her wheelchair.

12.) Women Past Their Prime Audition For Modeling Competition
She's Got the Look was supposed to be America's Next Top Model for the over-35 set. In this clip its obvious that there were reasons beyond their age that have kept these women from working the runway.

11.) Corey Haim Doesn't Understand Why Everyone He Knows Wants Him To Go To Rehab
It's always ridiculous/sad when addicts who can't fully open their eyes or articulate words think that they are fooling everyone. It's double ridiculous when it's someone like Corey Haim who has had a long public history of drug addiction.

10.) Is This Lady's Husband Gay?
Alex and her husband Simon were the breakout stars of Real Housewives of New York. They were attached at the hip, obsessed with teaching their uncooperative children French, and dropped $20k on opera tickets even though their Brooklyn brownstone was literally falling apart. But the question on everyone's mind was whether or not Speedo-wearing Simon is gay or just simply European.

9.) Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies
This scene from Charm School: Rock of Love was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior since Bret took the girls to Vegas on season one.

8.) Stripper Mom And Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude, While Another Girl Mistakes Couch For Toilet
Scratch that! This is the was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior, brought to us by those classy roommates of Bad Girls Club.

7.) Flavor Flav Draws The Line At Herpes
As though he doesn't have the virus himself.

6.) The Matchmaker & The Mafia
Intervention is supposed to be a poignant, serious show about addiction, however, some of the characters — like this Italian woman who comes from a family who is part of "The Family" — make us smile.

5.) Denise Richards Calls A Celebrity Journalist A Cunt
As much as Denise Richards: It's Complicated sucked, it was fun to see the real reason behind why the tabloids are so hard on her.

4.) Brooke Hogan Is A Sexist Moron
The irony of her show being titled Brooke Knows Best escaped no one. In this clip, she reveals that her thoughts on politics, and how women's menstrual cycles makes them unfit to serve as President.

3.) America's Next Top Model Is A Menstrual Show
Per Tyra Banks' advice, women should bend over and wince in pain, as though they have menstrual cramps, in order to look "editorial."

2.) Terrifying Texas Mom Shows "Pansy" Husband Who's Boss
Wife Swap is a reliable source when looking to investigate the weirdos of America.

1.) Bikini Corie
The best elimination speech in competition-based reality TV programming ever, courtesy of Paris Hilton's My New BFF.

(Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich helps me answer questions about sex after childbirth, pubic hair, and product placements. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Or send us your phone number! We wanna talk.)



How Do I Ask My Ex To Give Me My Sex Toys Back? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.