[Geneva, September 14. Image via Getty]

US assistant Secretary of State for International Organizations Esther Brimmer delivers a speech beneath a ceiling painted by Spanish artist Miquel Barcelo on the opening day of the 12th United Nations (UN) Human Rights Council session at UN offices on September 14, 2009 in Geneva. The session will last until October 2, 2009 with the situation in Palestinian territories on the agenda. AFP PHOTO / FABRICE COFFRINI (Photo credit should read FABRICE COFFRINI/AFP/Getty Images)

I mean, I know we can be sort of mean. First there was mean old "Charleee", asking you about the Bush Doctrine as though you were supposed to know that it was the single largest repudiation of post-nuclear American foreign policy and basically said we'd nuke whomever we felt like, fuck-you-very-much. And then that meanie CBS reporter snuck in a question about the major economic bailout the government had just undertaken and you felt like you had to answer it even though you hadn't yet been told what talking points to parrot yet, it was so off-putting. But, then Sean Hannity rolled over and let you scratch his belly and a little behind his ears, so I thought we were cool now.

Well, and, yes, I know that Keith Olbermann is being a total dick to you, what with donating $100 to charity of every lie that you tell, like it's your fault or something that the campaign staff won't revise the speeches you're giving to take the lies out, but he's not on the road following your campaign. And I'm sure Andrew Sullivan's list of the 12 different lies you've told had to sting, but he's just a blogger and that's not like a real reporter or producer who's going to be standing in a room with you and the President of Afghanistan for less than a minute.

So, it's good that you relented and let that CNN producer witness you talking with Karzai about his son for a whole 40 seconds earlier today. That'll totally show people you're not scared of the press and that you know how to have substantive discussions of U.S. foreign policy with important world leaders, Bush Doctrine questions be damned! I mean, it was really important that the photographer and the TV crew get footage of you talking and having serious conversations with him and Colombian President Uribe even if the entire press corps were utter dicks about insisting that their coverage of you be more than pictures of you looking Vice Presidential! And it was really well done that you got Karzai's handlers to pretend to be the ones objecting to anyone doing anything other than taking pictures — that was a master-stroke, as was your staff's insistence that it was all just one big misunderstanding when they explicitly said that no one that writes anything for a living would be allowed in the room. The press will totally buy that!

Anyway, so, like, buck up, girl! We're really not that bad! You can totally talk to reporters. You hunt moose! You shoot at wolves from airplanes! What's the worst you can do, really? I mean, John McCain's already out threatening Spain and trying to fire people he can't fire and shit. What are you going to do, start a war with Russia? Oh, yeah, right. Well, just stick to talking about your family and how you didn't really want the Bridge to Nowhere and how mean everyone is to you. That's cool. I'm sure you can work that into the answer to just about any question you're asked when you finally let someone ask you a question.

Yours,
Megan

Palin Press Relationship Gets Testy [Politico]
Palin Says She's Ready To Step In As President [Breitbart]
The Palin Protection Continues [Politico]
Sarah Palin On Bush Doctrine: Homina, Homina, Homina [TPM Election Central]
Palin “Disappointed” In “Understandable” AIG Bailout [CBS News]
Excerpts from Palin’s Hannity Interview — Part I [Time]
Olbermann Gives $100 To Charity For Every Palin Lie, $3700 This Week Alone [Huffington Post]
The Twelve Lies Of Sarah Palin [Andrew Sullivan]
Palin Bars, Then Admits Reporters To Meetings [MSNBC]
Palin In The City [NY Times]
McCain Will Not Commit To Meeting Spanish PM [AFP]
McCain Says He Would Fire SEC Chairman [AP]
Palin Hawkish on Russia [Politico]
Did Palin Really Fight The “Bridge To Nowhere”? [The New Republic]
Palin Accuses 'Obama/Biden Democrats' Of Attacking Her Family, But Campaign Can't Name One [Huffington Post]

• A reflexologist in England is on trial for allegedly sexually groping his female patients with his hands and using "illegal" vibrators as medical treatment. • A UN committee says that sexual discrimination against women is strong in the UK where women are underrepresented in Parliament, paid less than men, and being arrested and imprisoned for minor offenses. • A former porn addict and Christian pastor has created a website and number of sermons encouraging worshippers to have great sex because Jesus wants them to. • A new book titled Taking Care Of Your Girls aims to educate young women about breast health to ease fears about breast cancer in the future .• Holly Brudge, a 29-year-old woman from England, plans on becoming the first woman to skydive over Mount Everest. • A couple got married at the Starks and Menchinger Family Funeral Home in Michigan where the bridegroom works as the funeral director. (The couple had to reassure guests that no corpses would be in or near the wedding.) • A reunion of about 100 former Playboy bunnies (the women who worked at Playboy Clubs) took place in Chicago on Monday. Not surprisingly, Gloria Steinem didn't make an appearance. • Puppy videos are back! Watch this little gray Schnauzer play with his beloved toys.

According to the BBC, 10 UN "peacekeepers" gang-raped Elizabeth in a field. "They grabbed me and threw me to the ground and they forced themselves on me... I tried to escape but there were 10 of them and I could do nothing…I was terrified. Then they just left me there bleeding." When village elders tried to report the abuse, they were ignored.

Save the Children suggests that a global watchdog organization be formed to monitor these kinds of abuses, supplemented by local complaints mechanisms and public awareness campaigns. In the meantime, the UN says it has a zero tolerance policy when allegations of sexual abuse are at hand, and last year 100 Sri Lankan soldiers stationed in Haiti were sent home when it became evident that they were paying for sex.

Charity: Aid Workers Raping, Abusing Children [CNN]
Sexual Abuse Of Children By Aid Workers Too Often Unreported [Save the Children]
Peacekeepers 'Abusing Children' [BBC]

Earlier: If You Can't Afford Rice In Haiti, You Eat Dirt

• Poor Fergie reportedly barfed all over herself while at the Minnesota State Fair. Maybe it was all the fried food on a stick? [Dlisted]
  
• Speaking of Minnesota: Republican Senator Larry Craig got busted by the police for "lewd behavior" in the gentleman's room of a Minnesota airport. Hasn't the Land Of 10,000 Lakes been through enough?! [Crooks and Liars]
  
• Michael Vick is going to jail and rightly so. But lets also remember that we live in a country where the man behind the Katrina debacle, Michael Chertoff, may be getting a promotion. [BBC]
  
• President Bush says that poor little Alberto Gonzalez endured "unfair treatment" during his tenure as Attorney General. [CNN]

• Speaking of Bush, French president Nicolas Sarkozy is starting to sound eerily like him: He's gunning for Iran. Sigh. [NYT]
  
• The U.N., Christy Turlington, and Russell Simmons are banding together to promote some sorta World Peace Through Yoga Day. It's like Sesame Street: One of these things is not like the other. And by that we mean, we've never seen any of those U.N. dudes successfully execute scorpion pose. [ABC News]
  
• "You could feel her bones sticking through. She's on the cusp - she looks good now but if she takes it any further, she's going to start to look ill. She's incredibly compulsive. The Spice Girls' reunion is a huge deal for her and she wants to look her very best for her moment back in the limelight." Alas, this quote isn't about Victoria Beckham, but Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell. Note to Geri: Starvation is not what "Girl Power" is all about. [Malaysia Sun]
  
• Yay for gender equality? Now it's not just women who have to worry about the aftermath of hormone replacement therapy: Men who take testosterone supplements could suffer major kidney damage. [CNN]

• America's best-monikered First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson, died this afternoon at the age of 94. She was one of the first people (sorry, Al!) to bring environmentalism center-stage. [CBS News]
  
• Queen Elizabeth got huffy with photographer Annie Leibowitz. [USAToday]
  
• UN Secretary General offers up the following deep thought: "New thinking" is needed to deal with our current climate change problems. What, is the UN now the NY Times 'Sunday Styles' section of world events? Picking up on "trends" a good three seasons after their debut?! [BBC]
  
• Shy guys: Not only are the less likely to make the first move, but they're more likely to die of a heart attack. Which leads us to the natural, however seemingly absurd, conclusion that the chances of a guy having a heart attack when you put the moves on him pretty damn high. [Daily News UK]

• The latest in Spice Girls Mania: Redux: A BBC documentary on the group is planned for the fall. Meaning that Victoria Beckham now feels a little better about the downsizing of her NBC special on herself? [BBC]
• When will J.Lo learn? Movies featuring herself and her lover du jour = really bad idea. [TMZ]
• The photographer who grabbed at Heather Mills to snap a pic of her in July of last year was found guilty of assault. Mills offered some statement about blah blah blah justice being served. But we want to know what Paul McCartney has to say! [BBC]
• Uh oh Moz! Compaing Madonna's adopted (African) son to a wild animal is no way to make a point about why you shouldn't wear fur! Suddenly, we wonder if PETA is somehow behind Morrissey's recent slew of concert cancelings. Well, PETA or the NAACP. [Best Week Ever]
• Growing up, whenever we would start complaining about something, our aunt would ask us if we were in SIberia (like our relatives had been, in work camps, during WWII). The answer was always no. But we wish we had been! Then we could have been the ones to discover the baby mammoth!!! [CNN]
• We hope to see something on TheKnot.com tomorrow on what the etiquette is when one of your guests arrives a year early for your wedding. [CNN]
• It appears that someone other than us is bitter that kids are off for the summer while we have to work. [Slate]
• Memo to our high school stoner friends: New information about Jim Morrison's death! (Spoiler: Heroin, not a hot bath) [USA Today]
• Evil Knievel and Kanye West are going to try to hug it out. [USA Today]
• A dog named Max, saved by a little backdoor entry! [CBS]
• 2 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]