Jezebel: u.s. casualties

Bunnies & Kitties & Squid, Oh My

Jennifer — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 19:00:29 EDT

Nursing-home kitty Oscar the Cat (aka 'The Grim Reaper' of felines) is predicting nursing-home deaths at a facility in Rhode Island with almost 100% accuracy. [Breitbart]
We find it hard to feel the same empathy we had for the whales and the dolphins for the giant squid invading California with impunity. [USA Today]
Bunny rabbits invading Pennsylvania, however? Adorable. [Breitbart]
No more smoking in Disney movies aimed at families! And smoking discouraged in Miramax and Touchstone (Disney subsidiary production houses) films aimed at adults! Meanwhile, half of your Jezebels remain proud smokers. [BBC]
Joni Mitchell + Starbucks = Our hearts being sad. [E!]

German actor Ulrich Muehe, so brilliant in this year's The Lives of Others died yesterday of stomach cancer. He was 54 years old. [BBC]
Contempt citations! Mmm - tasty! [CNN]
The Taliban: Not so patient, it turns out! [CNN]
Bob Barker may no longer be the host of The Price Is Right, but his plea to have your pet spayed or neuter shall remain. [USA Today]
5 U.S. casualties identified today.

Eva Mendes Doesn't Have To Hate Herself 'Cause She Knows She's Hot

Jennifer — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:36:08 EDT

Aw! Eva Mendes says it's easy to get all "critical" of yourself when you're on the red carpet but that she doesn't let herself "fall into that" — but that's she also "thankful" for her "nice physique"! Pretty sad if this counts as having positive body image nowadays. [People]
In poor England it's all water, water everywhere not not a drop to drink. [BBC]
Bush is cancer-free, meaning that now Cheney has to cut short his vacation and return to running the country. [CNN]
Oh fuck: Botulism. [CNN]
It's official: Drew Carey's the new host of The Price Is Right. The showcase showdown is dead to us. [11 Alive News]

Campbell Brown is headed to CNN: Have fun with the chain-smoking witch, kiddies! [USA Today]
8.3 million copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows sold since 12:01 am on Saturday. [USA Today]
Memo to ABC News: Posh was joking. [ABC News]
7 U.S. casualties identified since Friday. [DoD]

Things That May Or May Not Surprise You: We Don't Like Bush, We Do Like Harry Potter

Jennifer — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 20:45:05 EDT

Harry Potter! Yup, we pre-ordered our copy of the last-ever Harry Potter book. And we get to pick it up at 12:01 am tonight. We're super nervous about what's going to happen, too. We think that Snape isn't evil though. But we have a sneaking suspicion Harry is going to die. And we will be reading it all weekend to find out. No judgments, please.
So, President Bush has banned torture. Wow took him long enough, huh? Also, we have about as much faith in this executive order as, oh, Paris saying she's never done drugs. [BBC]
Bush is also getting a colonoscopy tomorrow. We just hope that Cheney doesn't go and revoke that executive order during that one hour when he's the acting president while Bush has a lighted tube shoved up his ass. [MSNBC]
And if either Bush or Cheney cared at all about justice, they would do something to free Genarlow Wilson. [CNN]
Wait, what?! David Beckham isn't even sure when he's going to feel up to playing soccer? Make it stop. Please. [E!]

Former Full House-er / meth addict Jodie Sweetin gets hitched! Aw, there's hope for all of us now, isn't there?! [Yahoo!]
Ok so blah blah blah Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker finally kissed and made up and now the Sex and the City movie is going to happen, right? Um, not so much. Chris Noth (aka Mr. Big) hasn't agreed to participate. Cry, Daily Candy-ites, cry. [Extra]
2 U.S. casualties and 1 missing sailor identified. [DoD]

Bill Clinton: Come Write With Us

Jennifer — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 18:35:41 EDT

Bill Clinton has begun blogging! Just like us! We wonder if he'll do hungover Friday tomorrow too! [Clinton Foundation]
We've always really liked Craig Ferguson. Now we have to like him less: He's dating Sharon Stone. Anna's heart just broke. [The Daily Blabber]
A judge has dismissed Valerie Plame's lawsuit against the White House in regards to leaking her identity while working as an undercover operative for the CIA. [MSNBC]
Go with us on this: Dinosaurs are sorta like Lindsay Lohan. A slow ascent to power in which they knocked out their other, similar, competitors. And then overnight (literally) crashed and burned. [BBC]

The story about the Chinese dumplings stuffed with cardboard instead of pork? Not so true! And our theories that Bush has it out for China are further confirmed. [CNN]
Which is maybe because the Chinese economy is booming? [NYT]
Mijovi is an energy drink. Bon Jovi is a musician. The latter thinks the former stole his name. We laugh at both. [USA Today]
Do not ever, ever put the words "Kelly Clarkson" and "suicide" in the same sentence, haters. We momentarily stopped breathing. [ABC News]
Jude Law's a lover not a fighter. Uh yeah, tell us something that his nanny, Sienna Miller, and his ex-wife don't already know. [E!]
9 U.S. casualty reports today pending DoD confirmation. [Iraq Coalition Casualties]

Oprah Pushing The Finding-A-Moral Agenda A Little Too Hard

Jennifer — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 18:55:29 EDT

Oprah's golden retriever Gracie died in May after an unfortunate choking incident and still Oprah is talking about it, only now she's putting that Oprah-branded spin on it saying that Gracie's death was really a hidden message that she needed to slow down and take more time to appreciate her own life. Seriously, we don't even have a response to this. [USA Today]
Oh yes: That's what's missing in the EU — machismo! [BBC]
Memo to People magazine: Please do not ever ever put that Jenny McCarthy eats nachos as an item under the tag "breaking news". Ever. [People.com]
Not shocking: Republicans don't want to pull out (from Iraq). But they don't want to give a Plan B either. Draw your own conclusions from this heavy-handed metaphor. [CNN]

The Island of Britain, scientists have discovered, was created over 200,000 years ago by massive flooding. We think that's just past the timeline for which Al Gore can drop one of his global warming "I told you so!'s." [BBC]
President Bush has called for the establishment of a new panel to review new safety precautions for imported foods. He says this is totally not all about China. Even a novice in Bush-speak knows that "no" always means "yes," so sorry, China, Bushie has it in for you! [CNN]
Anyone else skeptical that North Korea seems to be volunteering for nuclear disarmament a little too easily? [NYT]
Breaking news! Hootie and the Blowfish have delayed the start of their summer tour! Wait a second — Hootie and the Blowfish are still around? How the fuck is that possible? [USA Today]
1 U.S. casualty identified. [DoD]

We Wish We'd Bought A 'Free Winona' T-Shirt Way Back When

Jennifer — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 19:05:10 EDT

Winona Ryder is speaking out now about her shoplifting. Honestly? No one gives a shit. [People]
In the UK, one in four 18-to-25-year olds cannot answer the following question: What is one eighth of 32? [BBC]
Al-Qaeda said to be "stepping-up" its presence in the U.S. Please God, no one tell Elisabeth Hasselbeck. The thought of her ranting and raving about this is scarier than the threat of a terrorist act itself. [BBC]
Memo to Hillary: The woman who is to be India's first female president - not so popular. [NYT]
Harry Potter the book? Too long. Harry Potter the movie? Too heavy-handed. But Harry Potter the postage stamp? Now we're talking! [USA Today]

And meanwhile, Harry Potter is also the latest problem to afflict Israel, with the new book being released on Saturday, the Jewish Sabbath. Religious leaders = not happy. And now we wonder, are there that many Orthodox rabbis worried about whether Snape is evil or not? [USA Today]
The lawyer with TB who claimed he had no idea he was contagious had surgery to help treat his condition today. Um, too little too late, bub. [CNN]
The current crop of Republican presidential candidates? Losers, all of 'em. [CNN]
2 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]

Simpsons Graffiti On Pagan Fields: Cute, But Where's Homer's Cock?

Jennifer — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 19:00:22 EDT

We were feeling kinda blue today. Then we saw this. [Boing Boing]
Now that Isaiah Washington has a new job maybe he'll stop his pointless bitching. The former Grey's Anatomy cast member been cast in 5 episodes of the upcoming TV show based on The Bionic Woman. [E!]
In the UK curry laced with ecstasy = attempted murder. Over here curry laced with ecstasy sounds kind of like a fun Friday night! [BBC]

The Killers' Brandon Flowers and his wife now have a son. They are both 26. We were about to feel a little depressed about this, but then we remembered that all three of the Hansons are now married with children. And now we feel really depressed. [People]
The Catholic Church has been ordered to fork over $660 million to 500 alleged sexual abuse victims in Los Angeles alone. [CNN]
The X-Files Movie, Round II?! Oh 1998, it's as if we never left you! [Entertainment Weekly]
President Bush has pledged his support to Palestinian President Abbas. Oh, Georgie — way to play the Arabs both ways! [NYT]
So unacceptable: Celebrity The Apprentice. Any (has been) star who goes on this show will lose whatever piddling amount of respect we still hold for them. [USA Today]
1 U.S. casualty identified over the weekend. [DoD]

Britney As Whitney? God Help Us.

Jennifer — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 18:45:56 EDT

Britney Spears to star in remake of The Bodyguard! Oh wait, phew. Joke! [Best Week Ever]
The verdict is in: Miss New Jersey can stay Miss New Jersey, even though she's a (only sorta) dirty girl. [CNN]
A helpful hint: Don't eat steamed buns off the street in China. They're made of cardboard. [CBS]
What's your virginity worth nowadays? Free theater tickets? [USA Today]
Different day, same deal: President Bush still believes the Iraq war can be won. [CNN]

A new study released by Pew reports that American women believe more strongly than they did 10 years ago that working full-time is not good for their children. [USA Today]
Seems like common sense, but apparently not: Do not go outside wearing an iPod in a lightening storm. [CNN]
3 pending U.S. casualty confirmations by DoD. [Iraq Coalition Casualties]

R.I.P. Lady Bird

Jennifer — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 19:10:13 EDT

America's best-monikered First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson, died this afternoon at the age of 94. She was one of the first people (sorry, Al!) to bring environmentalism center-stage. [CBS News]
Queen Elizabeth got huffy with photographer Annie Leibowitz. [USAToday]
UN Secretary General offers up the following deep thought: "New thinking" is needed to deal with our current climate change problems. What, is the UN now the NY Times 'Sunday Styles' section of world events? Picking up on "trends" a good three seasons after their debut?! [BBC]
Shy guys: Not only are the less likely to make the first move, but they're more likely to die of a heart attack. Which leads us to the natural, however seemingly absurd, conclusion that the chances of a guy having a heart attack when you put the moves on him pretty damn high. [Daily News UK]

The latest in Spice Girls Mania: Redux: A BBC documentary on the group is planned for the fall. Meaning that Victoria Beckham now feels a little better about the downsizing of her NBC special on herself? [BBC]
When will J.Lo learn? Movies featuring herself and her lover du jour = really bad idea. [TMZ]
The photographer who grabbed at Heather Mills to snap a pic of her in July of last year was found guilty of assault. Mills offered some statement about blah blah blah justice being served. But we want to know what Paul McCartney has to say! [BBC]
Uh oh Moz! Compaing Madonna's adopted (African) son to a wild animal is no way to make a point about why you shouldn't wear fur! Suddenly, we wonder if PETA is somehow behind Morrissey's recent slew of concert cancelings. Well, PETA or the NAACP. [Best Week Ever]
Growing up, whenever we would start complaining about something, our aunt would ask us if we were in SIberia (like our relatives had been, in work camps, during WWII). The answer was always no. But we wish we had been! Then we could have been the ones to discover the baby mammoth!!! [CNN]
We hope to see something on TheKnot.com tomorrow on what the etiquette is when one of your guests arrives a year early for your wedding. [CNN]
It appears that someone other than us is bitter that kids are off for the summer while we have to work. [Slate]
Memo to our high school stoner friends: New information about Jim Morrison's death! (Spoiler: Heroin, not a hot bath) [USA Today]
Evil Knievel and Kanye West are going to try to hug it out. [USA Today]
A dog named Max, saved by a little backdoor entry! [CBS]
2 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]

And Again We Say: Paris Hilton Must Be Stopped

Jennifer — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 18:40:45 EDT

We said it eight hours ago and we'll say it again: God is dead. Because Paris Hilton has a Teen Choice Award nomination. [TMZ]
Note to self: Not nice to attack people with stilettos. [BBC]
Second note to self: Stop talking on phone about how awesome it is that Bush is going to go to jail for wire-tapping. 'Cause he's not. [CNN]
On a totally unrelated note, a Chinese government official who was found guilt of corruption has been sentenced to death. [NYT]

Green journalism: knitting as yellow journalism: yoga. [Slate]
How not-so-bad-ass is Avril Lavigne? Not-so-bad-ass enough to steal songs. [USA Today]
Here's one thing even we know that Martha Stewart would not do for a dinner party: Hiding a dead body in your freezer for your guests to find. [ABC News]
If Harry Potter dies, we will seriously freak out. And J.K. Rowling is not helping the situation. [E!]
3 U.S. casualties today pending DoD confirmation. [Iraq Coalition Casualties]

Al Gore Not Running For President, Son In Rehab: Coincidence? We Think Not

Jennifer — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 19:15:28 EDT

Al "I'm The Man Who Was Elected President, But Whatever I'm A Movie Star Now" Gore has "fallen out of love" with politics, he says. And thus will not be running for president... again. If this is true, what a drama queen! If this isn't true, what an even bigger drama queen! Simmer down, Al! (And if you need some help with that, we're sure your son has some pills that could help.) [CNN]
We [heart] brave kittens. Especially when they're better swimmers than we'll ever be. [ABCNews]
The list of that D.C. madam's hooker-hiring politicians goes public! God, this is going to be more entertaining to watch than an America's Next Top Model. [The Smoking Gun]
Taking "til death do us part" to a whole other level, a Welsh couple commit joint suicide after finding out that the husband had only a few weeks to live. In their suicide notes, they said they knew they could not live without one another. Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro: You guys are jokes. [Daily Mail UK]

Our mother always told us that swimming pools were scary places. And just now had we mustered up the strength to buy our first-ever bathing suit in attempt to get over our fears. Then we read this. Bathing suit: Now in a drawer forever. [ABCNews]
MTV has ordered a 4th season of Laguna Beach. What's that sound? Oh yes, our souls shattering. [Star]
Good news for Russia: You're all over the runways! Bad news for Russia: It's looking more and more like you poison your own kind. [NYT]
DailyCandy-ites rejoice: Sex and the City: The Movie is going to happen, at last. [E!]
6 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]

Christina Aguilera To Bring "Dirrty", "Beautiful" Babe Into The World

Jennifer — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 19:15:53 EDT

Christina Aguilera is in the family way! Just like with a genie in a bottle, her husband rubbed her the right way. The baby-making way. [E!]
Isaiah Washington's verbal diarrhea of the day: He now says Patrick Dempsey is to blame for his spewing of hate speech. [ABC News]
R.I.P Beverly Sills. And big thanks to our Intro to Opera prof from college, without whom we would not care about Sills' passing. [CNN]
Violent crime in South Africa is at an "unacceptable" level. Do we hear the sweet sound of the Truth and Reconciliation Committee: The Revival? [BBC]

We all know that Pete Doherty is no fan of rehab. But now he like, totally loves it! Or so he told a judge when faced with the choice of rehab or jail. Rehab is fun! Just ask Lohan, Petey Boy! [BBC]
President Bush still might pardon Scooter Libby, on top of commuting his sentence? Way to practice small government and morality, Republicans! [CNN]
Awkward international news item of the day: Japan's defense minister saying that it was sorta okay for the U.S. to have dropped the A-bomb on his country during WWII. And all over the world, people squirm uncomfortably. [NYT]
Katie Holmes, Rosie O'Donnell, and Anna Nicole (and Larry Birkhead's!) baby were 3 of British tabloid OK's list of the 19 Most Influential Celebrities. We cry for Rosie, to be put in such company. [Yahoo]
Even senior citizens have to show ID to buy booze in Tennessee now. Which means that those poor, unfortunate college students don't stand a chance in hell. [Slate]
How does Paris Hilton show how much jail has matured her? By scoring a Hello Kitty t-shirt, of course. [People.com]
The Dept of Defense's website is down, and thus our regular source for reporting the U.S. casualty reports is thwarted. How do you say "vast right wing conspiracy"? [DoD]
Wait! Ugh. Reports of 5 U.S. casualties today. [Iraq Coalition Casualties]

No Jail For Libby, No Hot Wife For Salman, and Pam Anderson Lived To See 40: What Kind Of A World Do We Live In?

Jennifer — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:59:02 EDT

There is no justice in the world: President Bush has commuted Scooter Libby's jail sentence. [MSNBC]
Pam Anderson is 40. And we are speechless. [People]
Looking for a little real estate to invest in? How about Dracula's castle in Transylvania? It's the summer home that comes with vampires! (Garlic bulbs not included). [ABC News]
A border collie named Smooch saved two drowning kayakers. And up in heaven, Lassie smiles. [USA Today]

We actually screamed, "Holy shit!" out loud when we (thought) we saw a headline reading, "Bill Hits Hillary On Campaign Trail". Though that misreading would still have been less shocking than if we'd read it as "Bill Hits On Hillary On Campaign Trail." [BBC]
It's official: Salman "No Longer Hiding Despite The Fatwa" Rushdie and Padma "Please Pack Up You Knives, Top Chef Contestants" Lakshmi have split. [CNN]
Eva Peron (and Patti Lupone?) would be proud: Argentina's First Lady is running for president in her own right. And somewhere in Iowa, Hillary Clinton feels threatened. [NYT]
Want to sleep less soundly tonight? Read on: That foiled London car bomb was designed to ensure female casualties. [Slate]
Speaking of casualties, there have been 12 in the U.S. military since Friday. [DoD]

Isaiah Washington Needs To Stick A Sock — Or Some Other Implement — In It

Jennifer — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 19:10:11 EDT

Isaiah Washington — for the love of God — please keep your mouth shut. The latest from everyone's favorite fired homophobe? That ABC lied when saying that he had gone to rehab since "there is no rehab for homophobia." (Thanks to Slut Machine for this awesome graphic.) [People]
New studies show that domestic cats are descended from 5 female cats from the Middle East's Fertile Crescent region, approx. 100,000 years ago. Middle East? Maybe this why they coined the term 'catfight'? [BBC]
God save the Queen! Literally! Buckingham Palace will crumble into decay unless immediate emergency repairs are made. [BBC]
Okay it's official: Every consumer product that comes from China is fucked. [CNN]

Today's good news for theh animals: The bald eagle is no longer considered 'endangered'. (Just in time for 4th of July!) We brim with patriotism. [CNN]
Today's bad news for animals: Mitt Romney once strapped the family dog to the roof of the car during a trip from Boston to Ontario. [ABC News]
How (yawn) surprising! Democratic presidential candidates are all trying to secure the African-American vote. We don't know about you, but we make no decisions 'til Al Sharpton says we can. [MSNBC]
The legality of veganism: Now being debated in a divorce court near you! [ABC News]
1 U.S. casualty identified today. [DoD]

Oprah Winfrey Really Is Taking Over The World

Jennifer — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 19:06:05 EDT

Does she not have enough money already? Oprah Winfrey is opening her own store. [Hollywood Reporter]
The Bush Administration has been subpoenaed for illegal wiretapping. The moment we heard this we called our mom and screamed with joy — because if anyone's being wiretapped it's us. [BBC]
1/3 of the Jezebel Administration has been subpoenaed for legal Paris Hilton/Larry King liveblogging. See you guys in two hours.
Little Bindi Irwin makes like dad and plays with dangerous animals fearlessly, lovingly. [USA Today]
The case of the now-21-year old who had consensual oral sex at age 17 has been denied bail for his 10-year sentence. We hate to say it, but we think this is what institutionalized racism smells like. [CNN]

TV star/presidential candidate Fred Thompson has earned the endorsements of all of his former girlfriends. Hmm. Would our former boyfriends would do the same for us. Boys? Care to comment? [TMZ]
We love bad TV (more on obsessions with Age of Love and Hannah Montana tomorrow!), but even we shudder at the thought of this newest reality program. [ABC News]
You gotta love a baby hippo! [Discovery]
3 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]

This Is Your Cornfield On Coke

Jennifer — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 19:45:07 EDT

What happens when you're high on coke and eluding cops in a cornfield? Some maize-y shit! [Daily Mail]
Proving himself to be the poster child for special-needs reptiles everywhere, a one-eyed alligator attacked a golfer in Florida today. Both man and gator are doing fine. [CNN]
Penguins used to be almost 5 ft tall! Monster penguins?! Awe-some. [Guardian]
Mary-Louise Parker and Jeffrey Dean Morgan are kaput. Which is sad because they both have three names. And, uh, we sorta feel like Mary-Louise has been through enough after getting dumped by Billy Crudup shortly before giving birth to his child. [People]
Istanbul has pulled out from hosting a Live Earth concert this summer. We suspect they're being grumpy at being snubbed by France in EU negotiations, which was because (we suspect) France was grumpy that Istanbul got named a cooler city than Paris. Follow? If you give a European city a cookie... [USA Today]

Snubbed again! Apparently Carrie Underwood is a sexier vegetarian than we are. Harumph. We (and the Catholic school boys in our neighborhood) beg to differ. [ABC News]
What words of wisdom did Paris Hilton take away from her prison stint? Sayeth the sheriff, "Paris, do a better job in your life." [TMZ]
9 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]

Lohan To Rejoin Her Coke-Filled Community One 12-Step At A Time

Jennifer — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 19:07:29 EDT

Lindsay Lohan signs up for a Promises outpatient program designed to enable her to "transition" back into her "community"...of cokehead pseudo-socialites. [People.com]
France snubs Turkey in EU talks. We think this has to do with Istanbul beating out Paris in that Newsweek story on "fashion forward" cities. [BBC]
The most interesting part of the whole "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" case? That the word 'bong" was defined for the judges in the appeal. Oh c'mon, Scalia — don't pretend like you and Clarence Thomas don't toke up during recess. [CNN]
In other legal news, it's now on the books that "customer satisfaction" and a missing pair of pants are not worth $54 million. [ABC News]
At a campaign event last night, Hillary Clinton exited to KT Tunstall's "Suddenly I See." Could Hillary be replacing her Canadian soft-rock campaign song with an English one? [NBC News]
Kelly Clarkson was bulimic and Jordin Sparks has learned to love her figure: If you have body image issues and one helluva voice get ready — American Idol auditions start July 30 in a city near you. [USA Today]
It's official: Rosie O'Donnell will not be successding Bob Barker. And we are sad. Because we really wanted to see her try to fit some anti-warmongering into her oral description of "a neeww RV!" [E!]
15 U.S. casualties identified since Friday. [DoD]

George Clooney: White Knight To Rich Folk Vacationing in Italy

Jennifer — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 19:15:28 EDT

George Clooney, champion of rich folk with vacation homes everywhere!, protests new construction developments in a small Northern Italian town. Where he has a home. Because he fears the new developments...would turn it into a tourist trap? And then his pretty movie star home wouldn't be a pretty movie star home any more. Boo hoo. [USA Today]
And at the first day of the Glastonbury Festival...it rains. Lucky for festival attendees that Kate Moss, like, practically invented wellies! (That would be galoshes to we American folk.) [BBC]
What? Dick Cheney tried to strong-arm and then do away with people who wouldn't do what he wanted in regards to some classified information? File under: totally blowing our mind right now! [CNN]
Tee hee: Perez gets sued. [ABC News]
The Smashing Pumpkins are back! [E!]
Pres. Bush's advisers think (crazy, we know!) that maybe the prison at Guantanomo should be shut down sooner than later. Yet we sorta have a hunch (crazy, we know!) that Bush is going to continue to disagree. [NYT]
What's more awkward and contrived than Paris and Nicole's break-up? Why Paris and NBC's break-up, of course! The Peacock Network swears it was never a done deal with Paris and that they totally never offered her money. And Paris has only had sex with two guys! [TMZ]
4 U.S. casulaties identified. [DoD]
About seven people informed us that the New York Post had picked up on our ingenious handwriting sample idea. [New York Post]

John Travolta Can Blow Us. Really.

Jennifer — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 18:59:19 EDT

John Travolta goes all Tom Cruise and says to 'just say no' to psychiatric drugs. Believe us, we've tried. And all that happened was a lot of crying and a lot of weight-gain. [ABC News]
Fatwa, shmatwa: Salman Rushdie will get knighted, despite outcry from Pakistani community. We say this will definitely make Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi hot for her hubby again. [BBC]
Sen. Hillary Clinton issues statement calling President Bush "out of touch" in response to his vetoing of stem cell research bill. Honey, you're the one who picked a Celine Dion song as your campaign theme: Don't judge! [CNN]
And yet, Bill and Hillary Clinton will both be honored by VH1's 'Save the Music' come September. And again we say: Celine Bleeping Dion??? [USA Today]

Don't flush your bra but it's okay ok to flush a kitten if you're trying to save its life. [CNN]
Larry Birkhead says of daughter Dannielynn: "She has long legs and chubby little toes exactly like Anna's; it's like a mirror image." [USA Today]
The New York Times is raising its prices for its print edition; Times Select looks increasingly appealing. [Yahoo News]
1 U.S. casualty identified. [DoD]

Isaiah Washington Should Maybe Not Feel Quite So Sorry For Himself

Jennifer — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 18:55:07 EDT

Shamed and fired former Grey's Anatomy cast member/homophobe Isaiah Washington tells the media he is getting by post-ousting by staying focused on his "day-to-day" life. And somewhere in prison Paris Hilton gets to call "First World Problems" for the very first time in her life. [People.com]
Former Enron Broadband CEO Ken Rice gets sentenced to 27 months. The funny thing is, Enron Broadband was barely even a real business but.. well, yeah. [CNN]
Topless lady gets $29K for settling with New York City over her wrongful arrest for exercising the right to her own Britneyness. "I've always just felt that was something natural," she said. "I've kind of always done it out of practicality." [CNN]
Following the deadliest insurgent attack of the Afghan war, a US air raid kills seven children. And yeah, Iraq still really really sucks. [NYT]
Sayeth Rosie O'Donnell: "I've been hanging around with those heteros for a full year and it's not fun. Turn around one and they'll stab you in the back with a high heel. They will." [People.com]
The age-old question of whether Democrats or Republicans are uglier is debated by the nation's best and brightest. [Wonkette]
Michael Jackson settles a $48 million lawsuit brought against him by some guy Michael claims to "not remember." [USA Today]
Seven U.S. casualties identified since Friday. [DoD]