In a juicy profile, New Yorker's Rebecca Mead goes inside the behemoth teen taste-maker Alloy, a sort of sinister junior Clear Channel that's responsible for much of the YA bestseller list, including the multimedia Gossip Girl and Traveling Pants juggernauts and, more lately, The Vampire Diaries. And do we ever see the pink, undead, bratty sausage being made! Here's how Mead describes the efficient hit-factory:

[Alloy] pack-ges about thirty novels a year for publishers, and also generates television shows and a growing number of ideas for featurefilms. In order to do all this, Alloy has developed a process with an industrial level of efficiency. Ideas are typically suggested in weekly development meetings and, if they gain the approval of Morgenstein and Bank, are fleshed out into a short summary by an editor. A writer is asked to create a sample chapter on spec; if Alloy executives are happy with the sample, they put her (or, on occasion, him) on contract. The writer hashes out a plot with Bank, one or two other editors, and Sara Shandler, Alloy's editorial director-an alumnus of Seventeen, who, at the age of nineteen, put together the anthology "Ophelia Speaks".

It's always kind of creepy to see unabashed marketing at work, and especially when it's aimed at an impressionable age-group, however lucrative. Of course, cash-in teen-lit has a long pseudonomynous history, from Nancy Drew to Sweet Valley. And the Alloy execs would just say they're giving kids what they want. One Alloy exec defends it thusly: "Editors and publishers can get hung up on what's good for kids...At Alloy, they always think first about what kids want to read." Which, of course, isn't always - or indeed, ever - an improving tract. And the idea that the body of literature informs and shapes said nascent tastes, paving the way for a lifetime of dutiful buying - well, that's conveniently ignored. Yes, kids want candy and Easy-Mac: because they've seen ads designed to attract them. Not because it's what's best for their development, or some genetic imperative of childhood.

Sure, some of the series sound really interesting (I really want to read the second "Wish" book that they map out in the piece), and the Alloy execs say we're moving away, culturally, from the excess of "brat lit" into Twilit territory because "more serious, angsty literature is where girls are right now. Morbid, dead-girl lit." And some of the book are even of historical interest! Mead mentions a new novel about
"a boy who acquires superhuman powers after being tortured during the Civil War." Then there's the new gilded-age Gossip-Girl-esque series, the cover image of which Mead describes:

The result is a look that no woman in the Gilded Age would have been immodest enough to wear beyond the boudoir or the brothel, though the Alloy team felt that the sartorial anachronism was entirely forgivable (much like the heroine's request for "ciggies"-slang that would take another sixty years to emerge). "Girls today would not relate to the more severe necklines and covered arms and horrible hair styles that girls were wearing at the time," Sara Shandler says. "We tried to do the imaginary-princess version." Or, as one of the publishers competing for the book described the gown, "the ultimate fuck-me prom dress."

And there, of course, is the rub. There's a continuing belief that kids can't relate to anything unlike themselves. Richer versions of themselves, 19th Century versions of themselves, maybe magic versions of themselves - but the feeling seems to be that kids are such incredible narcissists that any truly expanded horizons are more than they can handle. And the problem, of course, is that it's self-fulfilling. The other day I passed a poster at the bus stop bearing a still from the new Where The Wild Things Are movie. "Read," it ordered - seemingly without irony. Alloy would totally agree.

The Gossip Mill [New Yorker]

• Lindsay Lohan turns 23 tomorrow, but she's allegedly already been paid $70,000 by the MGM Grand for hosting an all-day "pre-celebration" in Las Vegas last Saturday.

Even though LL changed bathing suits five times and promoted her Sevin Nyne tanning product, a source says: "None of her really close friends were there" and LL just did it for the cash. [Page Six]

• Meghan McCain thinks Hilary Duff would be a great choice to play her in a movie: "I think she's really hot - hotter than me - but I'd still want her to play me." [Gatecrasher]
• Even though Mariah Carey was supposedly dressed like Eminem for her "Obsessed" video, she looks more like that dude from Linkin Park, no? [Gatecrasher]
• Heidi Klum: Expecting a girl? There were pink cupcakes at her baby shower! [Gatecrasher]
• "A close Michael Jackson confidant tells The Daily Beast's Gerald Posner he believes the star triggered his death with a foolhardy plan to void a concert commitment: mixing pills to prompt a minor hospital visit." "Like a child who doesn't want to go to school, Michael thought he could get away from his obligations if he had a 'note from the doctor.'" [The Daily Beast]
• A registered nurse named Cherilyn Lee has stated that Michael Jackson was an insomniac who begged for strong sedative drugs to induce sleep. [AP, AP]
• TMZ says: "We're told the drug Propofol was discovered at the [Jackson] residence. The drug is used to put people under anesthesia before surgery. It is an extremely powerful drug that is only available to medical personnel. As one source said, 'There is no conceivable way this drug can be properly prescribed for home use.'" [TMZ]
• If Neverland becomes a memorial site, don't go looking for Michael Jackson's animals — they won't be coming back. [TMZ]
• The man who kept Neverland from being auctioned says: "We must be prepared for the fact that visitors and fans will come, with or without permission or an invitation." [Yahoo via E!]
• A concrete truck arrived at Neverland yesterday. Preparations for the memorial? [TMZ]
• "Ukrainians Want Village Named After Michael Jackson." [Breitbart]
• "There is nobody who knew Michael like I did… For instance, people always think of him as talking in that high, soft voice, but he didn't really speak like that - it was a facade. Still to this day I am not sure why he did it. The Michael I knew talked like a real man, acted like a real man and shook a hand like a real man." — David Gest, an authority on manliness. [The Sun]
• Here, Quincy Jones talks about the music he and Michael Jackson made together. [WSJ]
• In his last "interview," — which seems to be just chatter from the Staples center — Michael Jackson was rehearsing and said: "This is where I belong. I am so excited. We need a bit more work on a few more songs but we're so nearly there. This is what it's all about. Me being on stage." [Mirror]
• The Iowa State Fair is planning a butter sculpture of Michael Jackson. [MSNBC]
• Video. From Dolly Parton. Mourning Michael Jackson, whom she says had "the heart of an angel." [EW]
• "Joe Jackson Still Has Power To Upset Family" Duh. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Photographer Kevin Mazur took pictures of Michael Jackson's rehearsal at the Staples Center. He says: "Michael was physically fit and performing the same way that I photographed him through the years. You can look at the photos. I documented it, I was there." He says he was shocked to find out Jackson had died a few days later, because: "He was full of energy and full of life."[BBC News]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but the Michael Jackson shot OK! is using on their cover this week is being called "ghoulish" and a "disgrace." [Page Six]
• Michael Jackson's will: Filed today. [TMZ]
• 200 friends, colleagues and family members — including jailed son Redmond O'Neal, Ryan O'Neal, Alana Stewart, Lee Majors, Ernie Hudson, Cheryl Tiegs, Jackie Collins, Joan Collins, Gary Shandling, Marla Maples and hairstylist Jose Eber attended the funeral of Farrah Fawcett. [E!, CNN]
• Alana Stewart delivered a eulogy for Farrah Fawcett, saying:
  "Goodbye sweet girl… [Farrah] never felt sorry for herself during her illness ... she fought cancer furiously. She's the most beautiful angel in heaven. She always seemed so indestructible." [People]
• Forbes has released it's "Hollywood's Top-Earning Actresses List" and Angelina Jolie is number one, with poor lonely desperate single Jennifer Aniston as number 2. Meryl Streep is third. But! There's a gender pay gap! "All told, the top 10 actors earned $393 million, compared with $183 million for the top 10 actresses." [Forbes]
• "Sacha Baron Cohen Attempts To Appease Gay Community By Posing For Attitude Magazine." Nude, of course. [Daily Mail]
• Life & Style magazine asked Robert Pattinson's aunt if he should date Kristen Stewart. She replied: "I don't think it would be a good idea for Robert to be in a serious relationship with Kristen. How can he live his life with a fellow star, with their every move being watched just like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?" Thank you. Very helpful. [Daily Express]
• Robert Pattinson was seen hanging out with a pack of guys and going un recognized by wearing a baseball cap. [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle will not appear on Ugly Betty, even though that's what we heard. [ONTD]
• The Beckhams have their 10-year wedding anniversary coming up! David will whisk Victoria away on a "surprise" trip to Richard Branson's private island in the Caribbean. Although is it a surprise if it's in The Sun? [WWD]
• From a Q&A with True Blood's Anna Paquin: You and Stephen [Moyer] are in a relationship off-camera as well. The passion you have on the show is palpable — did it transition from on-screen to off-screen or vise-versa?: "We met at his screen test when they were doing, essentially, a chemistry read to make sure the Sookie they had cast was going to click with the Bill they wanted to cast, and shockingly enough we ended up liking each other. But, it kind of all happened at the same time — it's kind of hard to say which came first because when you click with someone and you have that sort of – vibe — that's just how we've always been around each other. Nothing's really changed except we live together now." Was your first kiss then on-screen or off-screen?: "Ha. I'm not telling you that." [Out]
• Usher's wife was surprised by the divorce filing and "had every reason to believe her marriage was intact." Uh-oh. [USA Today]
• Uh-oh, this item snarks on Stacy London's outfit. Not cool. [Page Six]
• Kerry Washington is looking for a "cheap" furnished apartment in Manhattan, which means $3,000 a month. Can it be done? [Page Six]
• Cute! Christina Applegate will play Drew Barrymore's big sister in Going The Distance, a rom com about a long-distance relationship — which also stars Drew's maybe-boyfriend Justin Long. [E!]
• A street corner in Queens, NYC will be named for Run-DMC. Slay all suckers who perpetrate and lay down law from state to state. [NY Times]
• "I wish to not talk unless we're doing the scene. I enjoy it that way. Johnny seemed happy to do it that way, too. So the answer is: No, we really didn't get to know each other better between each take. So I guess I'll have to wait and get to know Johnny Depp someday." — Christian Bale, on Public Enemies. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• "I prefer to walk away with the experience as opposed to walking away with the product… I like to portray a character, inhabit a character and build character, but I don't want to watch the end result necessarily, because it becomes about money then and I'd rather not think about that. My children have seen more films of mine than I have. They've seen all of them within reason - many more than I have. I have no plans to see them - any of them." — Johnny Depp. [BBC News]
• "It is deff. in my top 3 favorite books of all time! :) so disturbing but beautifully written." — Miley Cyrus, on Identical, in which twin sisters escape troubled lives — one by sex and drugs, the other by bingeing and cutting herself. [Page Six]
• "The script kept changing and evolving to the point where I was no longer appropriate for it. Cate's 10 years older than me, which is more suitable for the script. If they'd recast with Keira Knightley I'd have been heartbroken but they've gone for something different – and better in my opinion. If I had the choice between Cate Blanchett and me I'd go for Cate Blanchett." — Sienna Miller, on not being Maid Marian in Robin Hood. [Daily Express]

[Image via Lindsay Lohan's Twitter]

Caroline Ryder of the Los Angeles Times explores the sartorial shift, noting that for many tweens, a need for stylish clothing is balanced with a desire for comfort and the need to please their parents. "Today's tweens want to please their parents, which may have a lot to do with the sweet 'n' sensible styles they're opting for," Ryder writes. An ever-narrowing generation gap between the kids and their parents is thought to be the reasoning behind this shift. ""Every piece of research we have done has shown that the generation gap is closing," Gould says. "Girls and boys truly look to their parents for second opinions, and they want to make sure they are doing what their parents feel is appropriate for them," Jane Gould, vice president of Consumer Insights for Nickelodeon/MTVN Kids and Family Group, tells Ryder, "Kids tell us overwhelmingly that family is the most important thing around them — it's no longer the 'us versus them' mind-set."

Ryder also points to the cultural influences of Hannah Montana and High School Musical, wherein the stars are dressed in the latest trends, but in a way that seems fairly innocuous and fun, as opposed to the "come and get me" fashions of the tween stars of our era: Britney, Christina, and the like. Yet not every influence is praised: the hellhole known as Abercrombie & Fitch is cited as "the chief enabler of precocious tween dressing," what with half-naked poster models, heaps of cologne flowing through the air ducts, and darkened stores providing a sexified shopping experience. "You walk into their stores and there are giant pictures of shirtless boys. Seven-year-olds will be shopping there, and yet it is kitted out like a nightclub: very dark with loud music and spotlights. These kids are totally overstimulated by the time they leave," says Kristen Taylor, a tween boutique owner who offers more age-appropriate clothing to her clients.

When I was a tween, my mother bought all of my clothes, so I didn't really have the chance to rebel too much. (I did, however, sneak Blue Razz-berry Blow Pops to school in order to give myself a gothy blue-lipped look. Shock me, shock me, shock me, with that deviant behavior!) My mother tried to be fair when it came to picking out clothes: fads were okay, as long as they were age-appropriate, and she allowed me to express myself through wacky accessories and shoes. It was more about dressing like a hip, fun little kid than dressing like a 25 year old on her way to the club, know what I'm sayin'? Whether or not this trend lasts, it's nice to know that kids are willing to be kids for just a little while longer. And that Blue Razz-berry Blow Pops are still for sale, for those of you interested in a kickass pair of gothy blue lips.

Tween Style Takes A Modest Turn [LATimes]

Not since the discovery of Tutankhamun's tomb has man relied so heavily on a reporter's descriptive powers. Luckily, CNN's Carol Costello is gifted with the art of painting with words, and she was one of the chosen few allowed to see a doll so far only viewed in enigmatic silhouette.

The tweenage dora is about twelve inches high, she does have long brown hair with bangs and a headband, she is thin, she is tastefully and fashionably dressed. I would not say she's sexy...but she is attractive, she's a cute doll, but she's not wearing a little miniskirt or anything like that, and her hair is not as flowing as it was in that silhouette.

"So she's not going to be wearing a skirt?" asks Costello's colleague. "She's wearing shorts?"

"Well, she's wearing a tunic with leggings and platform heels."

And The Mothers wait.

'Boy Crazy' Dora? [CNN]
Dora Grows Up-Stops Exploring, Starts Shopping [Babble]
Dora The Explorer No More? [Washington Post]

Earlier: Doll Makeovers Are Not Child's Play

In Bailon's case, the private photos were quite literally stolen off of her laptop. As in the case of Hudgens, the pictures were also intended for a boyfriend's eyes. As sins go, they're hardly shocking. But yes, to a little girl who's apparently based her life on the actions of a character on a Disney program, such a revelation is earth-shattering indeed. Says author Debra Beck , "Rather than saying, 'Can you believe that happened?', ask your child her opinion about this...Look at it as a learning opportunity, and let kids explore their own feelings about it without giving your opinion."

Or, why don't we look at it as an opportunity to ask why kids are so obsessed with these shows? As psychologist Lisa Medoff points out, "Tweens idolize celebs, but as long as they have other role models in their life exhibiting good behavior, it's not a worry." Well, yeah. Like so much, doesn't this come down to common sense rather than some kind of contrived damage control? Even so, this seems to be a powerful argument for cartoons. Say what you will, Belle and Ariel are hardly likely to pop up in compromising positions on the internet, nor is Princess Jasmine likely to give vent to foul-mouthed diatribes.

Can we also say, why are these children even aware of these sex scandals? Maybe that's naive, and I do realize the internet has been the death of wholesomeness as we knew it, and that I come from a time when we were just "kids," but doesn't supervision do quite a bit to keep a child's focus on the character, and off the actress — or at least TMZ's portrayal thereof? There has always been a stark divide between what teen idols did and how we saw them — Maureen McCormick's recent tell-all is a testament to that — but for older kids, surely there are worse things than explaining that an actress is older than who she plays; that Hollywood is a rough place; and that, in any case, these were intended to be kept between grown-ups "who love each other." Really, when you think about it, it's a pretty PG way to introduce a child to the sordid! And isn't that sort of the contradiction of the "tween" construct after all?

She Did What?! Vanessa Hudgens, Adrienne Bailon Not The Role Models Parents Want [New York Daily News]

The problem with making the art for the audience, especially when the audience still decorates binders with stickers and glitter pens? They don't exactly have money of their own. So unless 13-year olds can convince parents, friends, and entire families to attend, well, they're not exactly gonna sell out the house each night.

Meanwhile, we cringe at the thought of a tween-friendly Sweeny Todd. Zac Efron as the blood-soaked Demon Barber of Fleet Street? God save our musical-loving souls. And yeah, we're totally singing "Send in the Clowns" right now.

Tweens Love Broadway, but Can't Save It Alone [NYT]

I have an almost 10 year old who has been eyeing those push-up bras. Somehow the matching bra/undie and panties set will no longer do in her mind. I have caught her in the mirror squeezing her "buds" together commenting that they are growing. We are definitely in scary territory.

Yoffe responds:

Every little girl who is developing is going to have excited/scared/thrilled reactions to what's happening. My objection is when the stores say, "Here's a push-up wonderbra for those breast buds of yours!

What is the right age to let my daughter start wearing thongs? She wants them now and she's 13. Does anyone else have this problem?

Why would a 13 year old want a thong? Does she want it to be seen in her low-rise jeans? I don't know what the right age for thongs is, but I'd say 13 isn't it.

Lastly, there was this:

u r such a deiscarise [ed: disgrace?] to girls maybe some girls like push up bras and want to grow up faster so y dont u get a life

Another mother who buys this stuff for her daughter.

Dresed Down [Slate]
Earlier: Young Girls Today: Tramps In Training?

Yes, a child goes directly from toddler to pre-tween, skipping the 'plain old kid' level altogether.

The usual suspects are blamed: Britney Spears, Bratz Dolls. But there's one big omission: Parents. Sure, as the Republic notes, the 12-to-19 year old demographic has more "spending power" than it did back in our day, but unless we're talking about Elle Fanning (Dakota's younger sister), younger kids don't bring home paychecks (or hoochie shorts) on their own. Memo to the Republic): Your readers are the ones partly responsible here. And if they don't like what's on the shelves for their little girls, they should take their cash elsewhere!

Exasperation Rises As Suggestive Clothes For Girls Spread From Teens To Toddlers [Arizona Republic]