[Istanbul, December 1. Image via Getty]

Disguised activists march on Istiklal Avenue during a demonsration on World AIDS Day in Istanbul, on December 1, 2009. Almost 60 million people have been infected by the HIV virus since it was first recorded but prevention programmes are having a significant impact, the UNAIDS agency said in its latest report, released on November 30 in Shanghai. Some 2.7 million were newly infected in 2008, it added, bringing the world total to 33.4 million. AFP PHOTO / BULENT KILIC (Photo credit should read BULENT KILIC/AFP/Getty Images)

[Washington, D.C., November 25. Image via AP]

President Barack Obama, right, speaks as he pardons a turkey, Courage, left, with daughters Sasha Obama, 8, and Malia Obama, 11, the day before Thanksgiving, during a ceremony in the North Portico of the White House in Washington Wednesday, Nov. 25, 2009.(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

[Washington, D.C., November 25. Image via Getty]

US President Barack Obama (C), alongside mother-in-law Marian Robinson (R), picks up a child as he helps to hand out food as part of baskets for the needy at Martha's Table in Washington, DC, on November 25, 2009, the day before the Thanksgiving holiday. Martha's Table is a non-profit organization that provides food, shelter and clothing to those in need. AFP PHOTO / Saul LOEB (Photo credit should read SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

Nubian representatives say that the line compares black Egyptians to monkeys, and are suing the singer, her record label, and the songwriter. • The man charged with the kidnapping of Shaniya Davis has also been accused of raping and asphyxiating the 5-year-old South Carolina girl. Mario McNeill is being charged with first-degree murder and rape of a child. • Amanda Knox broke down in tears today in court as the prosecution closed their case against her, saying she "harboured hatred" for Meredith Kercher and "killed her to take revenge." • Amanda Knox's parents are so confident she'll be acquitted that they've already bought her a plane ticket home to Seattle. •  The British man charged with strangling his own wife on a camping trip was found not guilty on account of a rare disorder, which caused him to murder Christine Thomas in his sleep. "You are a decent man and a devoted husband. I strongly suspect that, not withstanding the circumstances here, you may well be feeling a sense of guilt about what happened that night. In the eyes of the law, you bear no responsibility," said the judge. •  Reporter Michael Crowley sat down in a restaurant the other night and found himself sitting two tables away from Sonia Sotomayor. Naturally, he sent out a Tweet, which read: "She left her purse on a chair; stern-faced security guys came back for it about 30 min later." •  Soldiers in Sweden are fighting for flame-retardant underwear. The Swedish Conscription Council claims that the female soldiers were promised appropriate bras and panties years ago, but the armed forces has failed to deliver. • Selma Aliye Kavaf, Turkey's minister for women's affairs, says, "The mentality change regarding women's participation in business or political life would take time. Legislation or laws are not enough for women to become active in business life." • A dad from Minnesota claims that during the first three years of his son's life, he spoke to him only in Klingon. The dad says it was part of an experiment, to see whether his kid would pick up the fictional language. He says he stopped when it became clear his son, now 15, preferred English. •  Warning: This story is disgusting and highly disturbing. Short version: a gang in Peru has been accused of murdering people in order to collect their fat, which is then sold on the black market for cosmetics. • The highest court in New York has rejected an attempt to throw out two government orders to recognize the rights of same-sex couples married in other states. While this is good news, the ruling was based on a technicality, and did not address the broader human rights issue at stake. • A team of researchers have made headway in understanding how the body metabolizes date rape drugs. They hope that the breakthrough "may provide new clues on how to counteract the drug's effects, or to enhance its metabolism and decrease toxicity for chronic abusers or victims of sexual assault." • A study from the Harvard School of Public Health found a woman's risk of developing multiple sclerosis during her lifetime is doubled if she was obese at age 18. This is the first time MS risk has been linked to obesity. The research was based on the Nurses' Health study, but doctors say "There's no reason to believe that the biological mechanisms would be different." • Ohio State University researchers found that alcoholics over the age of 60 have more than 40 alcoholic drinks a week on average, compared to between 25 and 35 drinks a week on average for younger alcoholics. The findings suggest older alcoholics have developed a tolerance and need to drink even more to get drunk. • A North Carolina doctor could lose his medical license for allegedly poking a patient's thigh and calling her fat and irresponsible for being unemployed and using taxpayer's money to pay for another pregnancy. The doctor admitted he told her that her fat thighs and diabetes could make her go blind. • Could "real" America's love affair with Sarah Palin be coming to a close? In this video an angry mob boos her and calls her a quitter after left a an event in Noblesville, Indiana without signing the books of about 300 families who had been waiting for more than three hours. • A few Indian travel agents are pushing "divorce tourism," package deals designed to help couples salvage their relationship. Viresh Hirjee, chief executive of a Mumbai travel agency, has been sending customers of vacation along with marriage counselors. "We are trying our best to bring the couple together," he said, but warned, "We are not destiny changers." • School officials in Orange County, California warned kids that if they skip school today to see New Moon they'll be marked truant. • The business information analysis firm IBISWorld says that the growing popularity of online dating sites is responsible for Australia's sex industry losing $67.6 million in the past year. "The rapid growth in online services means it has never been easier for like-minded individuals to organize casual liaisons for little or no cost," said IBISWorld analyst Edward Butler. • Barbara Ann Radnofsky, Democratic candidate for attorney general in Texas, says a clause in a 2005 constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages accidentally banned all marriages in the state. The clause reads: "This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage." Backers of the ban say she's reading too much into the clause for political reasons. • The city of Auckland, New Zealand paid $74,000 to give a 66-foot fiberglass Santa statue a facelift. One of his mechanical eyes had been drooping and people were worried it would scare children. His face has been bandaged and the repairs will be unveiled on Sunday. •

• Of course a Nicole Richie clothing line was inevitable. It's called Winter Kate, and it will be hitting stores next February. [WWD]
• The full Jimmy Choo for H&M lookbook is out. [Daily Mail]

• Nick Knight is apparently shooting Raquel Zimmerman for the spring Alexander McQueen campaign. [Fashionologie]
• At the Oprah Store in Chicago, you can buy items worn by Oprah Herself on the show, from Oprah's Closet. But don't dare try them on! The rule is "To preserve the integrity of the items and ensure that Oprah was the last person to wear them," says a clerk. [True/Slant]
• Dennis Hopper has done an Easy Rider-inspired sneaker — whatever that means; it's navy suede — for Hogan. [WWD]
• "It's really belittling of the customer to think that anyone from a different price bracket deserves anything less," says Stella McCartney, who has collaborated on lower-priced lines so far with H&M, Adidas, Le Sportsac, and now GapKids. [NYTimes]
• Isaac Mizrahi decided to open his first store in the middle of a recession because a psychic told him to. [Fashionista]
• Mizrahi also told audiences at the 92nd St. Y, "I've actually booked girls [for a fashion show] that weren't obese, they were real girls. Like gorgeous anatomy. And one was a stripper. And you could feel the energy in the room just go down. Closed the books. Pens went down. They were angry. I could feel the anger. And I never did it again, because I thought Why bother? It takes a lot to rile women. It takes like actual breasts. Someone with implants, they're fine. Yes, you're right. Fashion advertisements are hateful. Hateful. Yeah, but they wouldn't do it unless it worked, right? It works." [The Cut]
• Yvon Chouinard, 70, is the founder of Patagonia. And as you would expect, he's outdoorsy. "I used to spend 250 days a year sleeping on the ground. I've climbed on every continent. I'm old enough to have seen the destruction," he says. "The reason I am in business is I want to protect what I love." And it seems like corporate responsibility has been Chouinard's practice since long before it became a buzzword; Patagonia has donated 1% of its annual sales to grass-roots environmental causes since 1985, and it switched to only using organic cotton in 1995. It has persuaded Nike, Timberland, and Wal-Mart to switch, too. [USN]
• Meanwhile, Lily Cole is working with a group called the Sky Rainforest Rescue campaign, which is working to save a 3 million hectare area of rainforest in the state of Acre, Brazil. [Independent]
• Levi's apparently thinks corporate responsibility comprises adding an extra message to its garment care tags, asking customers to please consider donating the jeans to charity when they are no longer needed, oh yeah, and to care for our planet. [AW]
• A man named Daniel Storto makes gloves in a rust belt New York town called Gloversville. That's the best we can describe this story, which, though a tad long on the gosh-darnit quirky local color, you should totally read. [NYTimes]
• Why would anyone make a $650 necklace, take the care to plate it in gold, and then adorn it with fake pearls? Questions that should be put to some outfit that sells at Barneys called Mawi. [W]
• The save the garment district rally yesterday featured this grand promise from mayoral candidate Bill Thompson: "As mayor, I'll work with manufacturers, the fashion industry and labor unions to arrange for up to one million square feet of dedicated garment manufacturing space in nonprofit buildings." Meanwhile, one manufacturer wants tax cuts for companies that manufacture domestically, interest-free loans, vouchers for his rent, tariffs on imported garments, and a blow job from Anna Wintour. (All right, we made that last part up.) Enforcing existing zoning laws would probably work just as well. [Crain's]
• Judith Leiber once designed a bag for Hillary Clinton based on Socks the Cat. [Style.com]
• Louis Vuitton now has a store in Ulan Bator. That's in Mongolia. The country, or at least certain sectors of it, is awash in wealth from uranium and copper mining, and officials at LVMH are assured that "elegant women" are already sporting damier and monogram canvas items at Ulan Bator's "trendy nightclubs and restaurants." Louis Vuitton is not, however, the first luxury brand to hit the market: Ermenegildo Zegna opened last month. [WWD]
• Roberto Cavalli, after having visited Chechnya, will now take care of fashion business in Turkey. [FWD]
• Cynthia Rowley is doing a line of surfwear for Roxy. We want to see those alleged neoprene pencil skirts. [Racked]
• J. Crew nearly doubled its earnings forecast for the fourth quarter, and its stock rose by 10%, to $42.01. [TS]
• Sir Philip Green's Arcadia Group — which owns Topshop, Miss Selfridge, Wallis, and Burton — reported a 13% rise in pre-tax profits, to £213.6 million, for the year to this August. [Independent]

[Paris, October 8. Image via Getty]

French far-rightFront national (FN) party's activists demonstrate, on October 8, 2009, in Paris, to protest against the illumination of the Eiffel Tower in the colours of Turkey's national flag to mark the season of Turkey in France. Turkish President Abdullah Gul arrived in France on October 7 to bring Turkey's campaign for membership of the European Union to the country that is leading the drive to exclude it. AFP PHOTO FRED DUFOUR (Photo credit should read FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images)

[Istanbul, October 7. Image via Getty]

People fall as Turkish riot police disperse protesters using water jets during an anti-International Monetary Fund (IMF) and World Bank protest near the summit area in Istanbul on October 7, 2009. The security forces moved against the crowd of about 300 people — mostly youths from leftist and anarchist groups — as soon as they started to march from the downtown neighbourhood of Sisli to the nearby convention centre where the meetings were held. AFP PHOTO / MUSTAFA OZER (Photo credit should read MUSTAFA OZER/AFP/Getty Images)

[Beverly Hills, October 4. Image via Getty]

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - OCTOBER 04: People upset over Armenia's warming diplomatic relations with Turkey, protest in front of the Beverly Hilton hotel in response to the visit of Armenian President Serzh Sargsyan to Los Angeles on October 4, 2009 in Beverly Hills, California. Protesters calling Sargsyan a traitor want the president to pull back from an agreement to establish diplomatic ties with Turkey and reopen the common borders. Among the provisions of the agreement is the creation of a historical commission that would evaluate the history between the two countries. The Armenian genocide of 1915 to 1918 claimed the lives of about 1.2 million Armenians under the Ottoman Empire, which became the modern republic of Turkey, though the Turkish government disputes that genocide took place. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

The women were filmed at all hours of the day, in various states of undress. They were encouraged to wear bathing suits and dance provocatively for the cameras. Although they were told that they were part of a reality show to be aired on Turkish television, competing for a cash prize, the company instead sold naked pictures of the women on their website and asked users to vote for their favorites. For a subscription fee, viewers could watch videos of the women online, but despite what they told the girls, the footage was never intended for television.

The nine victims were all models from the Mediterranean resort of Antalya and the Aegean port city of Izmir. They reportedly responded to an ad seeking contestants for a competition-based reality show, and following a short interview, all nine women were asked to sign a contract. According to a Turkish newspaper, one of the "contestants" was a teenager, who may have been as young as 15. All of the women were told that they could not leave the villa unless they paid a fine of 50,000 Turkish lira (approximately $33,000). They were prohibited from speaking with their families, or from having any contact with the outside world.

"We were not after the money but we thought our daughter could have the chance of becoming famous if she took part in the contest," said the mother of one of the "contestants." "But they have duped us all." She says that while the women were not physically abused, they were told to fight each other and wear bikinis.

There are conflicting reports of how the women were rescued from the house. One Turkish paper claims that a girl got "bored" and called her mother for help, the Guardian reports. Another source says that the police stormed the villa after family members complained about being unable to contact the women. The HaberTurk newspaper said the women realized they were being duped soon after they arrived and quickly asked to leave the villa. A lawyer for the company that organized the fake show said that although eight out of the nine women had formerly complained that they were being held against their will, they were never actually held captive.

The men found in the villa were arrested on Monday, but have since been released.

Nine Women Rescued From Fake Big Brother House In Turkey [Guardian]
Turkish Police Say Women Held Captive On Show Set [AP]

Image via Cameron Self's Flickr

[Istanbul, August 23. Image via Getty]

An activist from the Independet Animals Rights Supporters (IARS) performs in a cage during a demonstration in Istanbul on August 23, 2009. An animal rights group gathered in Taksim square, in Istanbul, to protest against animals experimentation in Turkey. AFP PHOTO/MUSTAFA OZER (Photo credit should read MUSTAFA OZER/AFP/Getty Images)

[Istanbul, June 28. Image via Getty]

A supporter of Iranian Presidential candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi shows a hand reading 'Moosavi' during a protest against the election results in Iran on June 28, 2009, on Taksim Square in Istanbul along with other demonstrators holding green balloons. AFP PHOTO/BULENT KILIC (Photo credit should read BULENT KILIC/AFP/Getty Images)

[Istanbul, June 23. Image via Getty]

Turkish Ebru (Abroo) artist Zeynep Erdogdu hangs on the wall her piece of work after she creates a special design from water, in Istanbul on June 23. 2009. �Ebru� or 'abroo' has long been the name given to the authentic Turkish art of paper marbling and to the marbled papers. �Ebrus� were used as calligraphy dia, as borders for inscriptions and scripts or as endpapers for fine bindings. AFP PHOTO/MUSTAFA OZER (Photo credit should read MUSTAFA OZER/AFP/Getty Images)

[Istanbul, May 19. Image via Getty]

ISTANBUL, TURKEY - MAY 19: (TURKEY OUT) Tens of thousands of mourners attend the funeral ceremony of Turkish doctor Turkan Saylan, founder of the Association to Support Contemporary Life, on May 19, 2009 in Istanbul, Turkey. Saylan, who died in hospital in Istanbul early Monday after a long battle with cancer founded the group in 1989, which has provided grants to thousands of poor students, especially girls and built schools in some of Turkey's poorest regions. Last month, police investigating an alleged plot to topple the government, searched the group's premises and detained several members for questioning. (Photo by Burak Kara/Getty Images)

• Saberi said she was moved to hear that so many people worked for her release. She added, "I think that if somebody is supposed to speak about my case from now on, nobody knows about it as well as I do, and I will talk about it more in the future." • Tennessee has nullified the 18-month marriage of a transgender woman and a man because the state considers them both men. The woman was born a man and had a sex change operation, but the state does not recognize gender change (or gay marriage) even after sex reassignment surgery. • A Sacramento woman survived a car crash because she was hurled out of the car, over the the highway sound wall, and landed in a plum tree in a backyard. Firefighters say she survived because the tree cushioned her fall. • A Turkish court has ordered that an employer give a woman her job back after she was fired for kissing her boyfriend at work. The kiss was brief, and no customers say it, but her boss caught it on a security camera and fired her. • The banning of four books of French erotic literature in Turkey has caused debate over the qualifications of committee members to determine what is literature and what isn't after they decided to ban a book by the acclaimed French poet Apollinaire. • A new study suggests chemicals and hormones produced from our changing moods can affect eggs and sperm, altering the patterns of genes that are active in them and thus how a child develops. • Scientists have found that by observing the pattern of activity in the brain they can tell whether a person heard words spoken in anger, joy, relief, or sadness. This is the first study to show that emotional information is represented by distinct spatial signatures in the brain. • Scientists in Australia have figured out why there is an obesity epidemic: we eat too much food. They calculated how much people are eating today as opposed to three decades ago by comparing agricultural data. They determined that based on the total amount of food that is grown and imported, humans are actually less fat than we should be based just on changes in consumption, which may be explained by exercise. • A McDonald's in Alabama pulled Kidz Bop CDs from the store's Happy Meals because parents complained they could hear an obscenity in a cover of Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Wanna Be." McDonald's says there's no obscenity in the song, but a parent says, "In the song the word is supposed to be 'looking,' but they're saying the f-word with the -ing on the end." • A stripper working at a Times Square peep show caught an ex-con who was counterfeiting money. She noticed that the two $10 bills he handed her looked like they were made on an Ink Jet printer and alerted her manager. When confronted, the man panicked and dropped 21 more bills. The man was arrested and is currently out on bail. • A British man was arrested after he drove up to a police officer posing as a prostitute and how much she would charge to have sex with his 14-year-old son, who was sitting in the car. The man won't serve jail time because of his "previous excellent character" and the boy will be allowed to live with his father, but the man will be put on the sex offender registry for five years. • A study found that in many police units in England and Wales female officers have to wear uniforms and stab vests designed for men. Maria Eagle, the justice minister, said, "It does make a very clear point, doesn't it? How welcome would you feel as a woman in a police force like that, if you can't even get clothes that fit you? It's crazy." • Police are investigating whether a Russian gynecologist, Igor Ivanov, purposely sterilized his pregnant ex-fiance, Olga Sokolova, when she was admitted to a hospital with abdominal pains. Sokolova had called off their wedding on the night before they were supposed to get married because she believed he was cheating on her. She started dating someone else and got pregnant. Ivanov was the only doctor on duty when she was admitted to the hospital, and he told her she was miscarrying and performed emergency surgery, causing serious internal damage that will prevent her from having children. • On Saturday Sister Mary Elizabeth Lloyd will run a 100-mile marathon in Florida while wearing her nun's habit to raise money to help orphaned children. ''I'm like Johnny Cash,'' Lloyd said. 'I wear black to draw attention. And when people ask me: 'Why in God's name are you doing this?' I can say, 'For the orphaned children.''' • A video posted by the U.K. National Health Service in Leicester was banned by YouTube after 24 hours for showing what looks like a teenage girl giving birth on a playground while students watch. The NHS was trying to get their anti-teen pregnancy message to young people with a viral video. • Business is booming at Cryos, the world's biggest sperm bank. In 2008 the number of donors tripled, from 30 a day to 100 at its four offices in Denmark. The worldwide demand for sperm surged in the past three or four years and Cryos "can't meet the avalanche of demand from the western world, in particular the United States," said Chief executive Ole Schou, "We help a tsunami of highly-educated single women who are more demanding and who prioritised their careers and who want to have a child before it is too late." • Vietnam is experiencing a boom in male births, which researchers believe can be blamed on the tenfold increase in the availability of ultrasounds in the last decade. They believe women being able to know the sex of their unborn child is increasing the number of sex-specific abortions. • A scientist who writes under the name "Mike The Mad Biologist" blogged that he perceives a double standard in how female scientists are viewed when they party after work. "If a female scientist at a meeting parties hard and flirts, she is viewed as a 'party girl.' In other words, she is no longer viewed as a scientist with an interesting social life, but as 'a good time' (although perhaps not sexually)," he writes, adding, "Mind you, I think this double standard sucks. But... I'm not sure what we (including male scientists) can do about it, other than not be assholes (which would be a good start)." • Here's a letter to the Princeton Alumni Weekly from an alum of 1945: "Gone is the distinct masculine flavor of an all-male college. The maleness of the Nassau Inn's Tap Room has been replaced by a female, dainty, tearoom atmosphere... My fear is that the Princeton University I knew has been taken over by a female majority (for better or worse). I am surprised that other male graduates are not upset by these developments." • English ice cream maker Frank Frederick is reviving his Italian family's 100-year-old gelato brand, along with his grandfather's practice of singing opera to his cows to make them produce endorphin-rich milk. Frederick flew in opera tenor Marcello Bedoni from Italy to serenade his cows. "The cows are such gentle beasts and have a good ear for opera," said Bedoni. •

Erden Or, 33, is the development officer for women's soccer. In his attempts to get more people on board with girls playing ball, Or has had to "doll up" the game. New logos for the league feature a hand with painted fingernails cupping a soccer ball, and a stiletto heel slapped on a soccer cleat. And while many women are excited to play, many parents feel like the Odabas, whose daughter Selin plays striker: "we were worried that it would affect her posture, her character, even her sexual orientation. We put her in volleyball, in track, but nothing could stop her." [NYT]

MEGAN: Hey, Jill, only two days left until we stuff our faces with turkey and most of the known universe has seen one slaughtered behind Sarah Palin. How many people do you think will be eating something else this year?

JILL: I'm guessing that seeing those poor birds killed on TV will boost Tofurkey sales at least a little bit. I'll still be eating the real thing, though. You?

MEGAN: Yeah, I'm fine with being omnivorous. I had a pet chicken in college and I still happily eat chicken. My problem is more finding a restaurant that will be serving it that won't douse it in gravy and plop it down over mashed potatoes because I am not into gravy and I don't like mixing my foods like that because I am still 5.

JILL: See, I say, slather the otherwise-healthy turkey in everything bad for me — especially gravy and mashed potatoes. Doubly on the potatoes.

MEGAN: There is, however, one supposed carnivore among us that will not be eating turkey this year: Ann Coulter.

JILL: ...is it wrong to feel a little Schadenfreude over the fact that Ann Coulter has her mouth wired shut?

MEGAN: If it is wrong, than I'm not sure I want to be right. I believe irony might be my new favorite Thanksgiving side dish.

JILL: Seriously. Although I'm sure we'll all miss her on Thanksgiving day when we turn on cable news and there's no one to tell us that it was good for white settlers to kill off Native Americans, and that's what we should be celebrating. Or something along those lines. Maybe Michelle Malkin can fill in.

MEGAN: We did forcibly convert lots of them like Ann suggested we do to Muslims in their countries, so that is probably exactly what she is celebrating. On the other hand, I'll be giving thanks that the economic downturn, while fucking with my 401(k) and minimal stock portfolio is fucking dozens of hard-core, right-wing Republicans out of their jobs as Freedom Watch goes down in flames.

JILL: That's the best news I've heard all day. And it looks like Republican lobbyists are out of jobs, too. It's a little concerning, since now I'm not sure who's going to protect us from the Islamofascists under our beds...

MEGAN: Or from the tyranny of environmental and financial market regulation that threatens to stifle innovation and harm our economy...

JILL: I believe we call that "socialism," Megan. Except when a Republican president spearheads it. Then it's just good common sense, to help poor, downtrodden hedge fund managers.

MEGAN: That's just good governance! And, at least those hedge fund managers aren't bribing for the favors, unlike that oil executive and Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charlie Rangel.

But Congressional records and interviews show that Mr. Rangel was instrumental in preserving a lucrative tax loophole that benefited an oil-drilling company last year, while at the same time its chief executive was pledging $1 million to the project, the Charles B. Rangel School of Public Service at C.C.N.Y.

JILL: Whoops.

MEGAN: "Drill, baby, drill," said the Democrat from atop the most powerful committee in Congress, "Just as long as I get mine."

JILL: And he was raising money for a school for public service. What did you say about irony earlier?

MEGAN: Charlie Rangel says that serving Charlie Rangel's ego and sense of personal self-importance is serving the public because Charlie Rangel is America and so can you.

JILL: Well, the school is supposed to be named after him. Doesn't that kind of imply, "I do what I want"? Who can blame the guy?

MEGAN: It's the functional equivalent of his Presidential library, only he's not President and he's raising money for it from lobbyists and companies with business before his committee while still in office. I hate when Democrats do this shit, mostly because then other Democrats move to protect them and I'm like, god damn it, didn't you assholes run on change and cleaning up corrupt official Washington in 2006 and 2008? Do you really think people won't notice? But then no one does notice and I'm forced to admit that there is no accountability in our system. And then I crack open a bottle of wine.

JILL: I find that's an appropriate response to most situations.

MEGAN: Anyway, onto slightly less depressing news, or not, depending on how one views nepotism and political dynasties, Joe Biden has found a way for Beau Biden to have his deployment cake and eat his Senate seat, too, and that way is Senator-to-be Ted "Seat Warmer" Kaufman.

JILL: You know what would be a great career? Professional Congressional Seat-Warmer. All the benefits of being in Congress (like getting to call yourself a Congressman or a Senator), none of the icky stuff like actually having to make important decisions.

MEGAN: No 3 am phone calls for you! You're just there to let the leather cradle your ass for a couple of years, collect your health insurance, ensure your pension, and get the fuck out.

JILL: Exactly. They get pretty good health insurance, too. I'd take it.

MEGAN: Yeah, mine's going up 15% next month despite the fact that I've used it exactly one time in the last year. That's an inflationary increase, if you consider 15% something like 3.8%, which is the current rate of inflation.

JILL: Damn. I just got off student insurance and started on private, and it's not fun. Students: Milk that shit as long as you can.

MEGAN: Financial independence is totally overrated, kids. Just ask Citibank or AIG.

JILL: It's true. They're much happier now that Big Daddy Government is back in charge. So just live in your parents' basement for a while. It works for us bloggers.

MEGAN: Yeah, who needs things like "accountability" and "facing the consequences of your actions" when you can just ask Big Daddy for a 20 (billion) dollar "loan" and go back to doing what you were doing? Which definitely involves screwing up. Hey, if I am about to go bankrupt, do you think Hank Paulson will pay my debts in exchange for a half-hearted spanking?

JILL: Well, when you put it that way... He might just say yes.

• Trap #1: Nosy Aunt Helen So maybe it's not Nosy Aunt Helen. Maybe it's Nosy Uncle George or Nosy cousin Kathleen or Nosy neighbor Olive. The point is this: there will, quite possibly, be someone at your Thanksgiving gathering who has one too many cups of egg nog and decides that it's their personal duty to ask you as many embarrassing or intrusive questions about your life as possible. If you're single, she'll want to know why. If you're married, she'll want to know why you don't have kids. If you already have kids, she'll want to know when you're going to have more. The trick here is to have canned responses at the ready: it's hard for Nosy Aunt Helen to continue and escalate her line of dumb questioning if you shut her off at the get go. I have a Nosy Aunt Helen who used to ask me every year why my boyfriend and I weren't married yet. By the 6th year we'd been dating, she amped it up to "You should really get married if you plan on living together. You can't just date someone forever. It's just not right." By this time I had had enough of Nosy Aunt Helen's bullcorn, so I responded with this: "Well, it works for Oprah." Oprah is untouchable to women like Nosy Aunt Helen. She just stood there and tried to respond, but I'd won the battle, and she hasn't asked me about my boyfriend since. Sometimes you just have to know where to strike.

• Trap #2: The Food Is Bad. Really Bad. The entire focus of Thanksgiving is the food. If you happen to find yourself at a gathering where the food is god-awful, it will surely put you in a pretty craptacular mood. But nobody will feel worse, I can assure you, than your host. If the food is bad, they'll know it. They'll probably begin to apologize before the turkey is even on the table, which is never a good sign. While their apologies might not take the sting out of being served a crappy Thanksgiving meal, here is where your spirit of Thanksgiving needs to kick in: your friend/family member tried to make you a good meal, putting their time, money, and energy into each dish. Their heart was in the right place, at least. Be a trooper and eat what you can. If your host has a sense of humor about the whole thing, you can always order pizza and make jokes about the dried-out turkey and crunchy stuffing- that's the stuff that Thanksgiving memories are made of. But if your host is on the verge of tears, try to be kind. Compliment them on the lovely table settings, or the delicious pie. And honestly, the best way to avoid a completely disastrous Thanksgiving meal is to bring a dish of your own, to ensure that there will be at least one thing on the table that you'll enjoy.

• Trap #3: Travel Nightmares Thanksgiving travel sucks. There's no way around it. You can try to avoid the rush by leaving a few days earlier than everyone else, but with work schedules, that's hard for most of us. The best thing to do is just to prepare yourself for the worst: fill your iPod with a playlist that will keep you sane. Stock up on sweets for the ride or flight. Try to treat the travel as an adventure, as sucky as it may be. Either that, or make people come to visit you, which brings us to:

• Trap #4: Horrible Houseguests You've decided to hold the holiday at your house, inviting your dearest friends and relatives to share a warm meal with you and yours and so on and so forth. But at some point between your invitation and your guests' arrival, they seem to have turned into total jerks, fighting with each other, making passive-aggressive remarks about your home and your cooking, and making insane demands that they insist you fulfill. You have three options, really: you can kick them out, which is clearly the more appealing option, yet in most cases that's a bit impossible. The other option is to speak up: nobody should make you feel like a jerk in your own house. If they don't like it, they'll probably leave, and good riddance to them. Option three, of course, is to grin and bear it and add a ton of vodka to your cranberry sauce. It's only for a few days: next year, you'll keep your holiday to yourself.

• Trap #5: You're A Vegetarian Most vegetarians have strategies to handle Thanksgiving. As Anna N. mentioned the other day, the side dishes are the best part of Thanksgiving, anyway. Tofurkey, of course, is also an option. Maybe you can even convince your family to have a vegetarian Thanksgiving with you, or at least a Tofurkey/Turkey combo of sorts. There might be someone who makes a snide comment about your vegetarian ways or demands to know why you don't eat meat: the best thing to do is to just be honest. If your fellow diners can't respect your views, that's their problem, not yours.

• Trap #6: You Don't Have Any Thanksgiving Plans For those of us who live far away from our families, have no family to speak of, or who are struggling economically and aren't sure they'll be able to swing a Thanksgiving meal this year, there are still ways to get involved on Thanksgiving Day. Soup kitchens are open and serving hot meals for those who need them, and charities are always looking for volunteers to help man the serving lines. Many of my friends are having an "Orphan Potluck Thanksgiving," where everyone who has no place to go brings a hot dish or a dessert in order to create a different kind of "family" celebration. There are always open doors on Thanksgiving: churches, community centers, and even certain restaurants are there to ensure that everyone has a warm, friendly place to go during the holidays.

• Trap #7: You Don't Live In The United States International Jezebels, I'm sure, are pretty sick of hearing about Thanksgiving. But dudes, even though your country doesn't celebrate it, doesn't mean that you can't! All you need is a turkey, a pumpkin pie, and something to be thankful for. And honestly? As soon as Thursday ends, the insane Christmas season begins, which is something that spreads its holiday madness across the globe. So get your Santa suits out and get ready to rock. By Friday, you won't have to hear about Thanksgiving for another 364 days. And that's something we can all be thankful for.

Any advice you'd like to share? Feel free to drop it in the comments.

Look at that thick, juicy meat. Straining with hot fluids. Once you get it in your mouth, you know it's going to burst, letting warm red liquid stream down your throat.


Some like to see the pink inside, do you?


Or are you one of those bad, naughty types, who likes it raw?


Maybe you like it freaky? Brown on pink. Two on two… or more?


Get a good look at this pink, wet, glistening flesh. You know you want it.


Insert your fingers into the folds. You'll find it tender and dripping.


Who can resist a heaving, moistened breast?


Go ahead, lick the gooey sweetness. It's yearning to be inside you.



Warm fluid oozes out, just for you.


You'll get your just desserts. Just put your tongue in the crease.




Pfaelzer Brothers [Official Site]

• The infamous granny pickpocket "terrorist" with 73 arrests on her record claims that she used to be a model and insists that she is not a "career criminal." • Scarlett, a cat who became a local hero in Brooklyn when she saved her kittens from a fire in 1996, died from a kidney failure on October 11. She was thought to be 13 years old. • A raccoon escaped Dallas police on Tuesday night and was unfazed by the officer's use of a Taser gun. • A Roman Catholic nun in India who was allegedly raped and beaten by a mob of Hindu men in Orissa, has condemned the Orissa police for the way they are handling her case and demanding that the national police take over the investigation into her assault. • A recent study discovered that a warm physical touch can make others feel psychologically "warm" towards one another • A recent study suggests that people who are experiencing social rejection are better at picking out phony smiles. • According to a report released today, air samples showed evidence consistent with a decomposing body in Casey Anthony's trunk. Anthony is currently on trial for the murder of her 3-year-old child, Caylee.• Two teenaged members of a group of four dine 'n dashers at an Applebee's in North Dakota filled out comment cards with their full names before they walked out on their bill on Wednesday. • Phil Hammond, an English doctor and media broadcaster, claims that every doctor he knows chooses Gardasil over Cervarix for their daughters because Gardasil also protects against genital warts. • A new website run by the Church of England, Yourchurchwedding.org, claims that married people have better sex in hopes of convincing couples to tie the knot. •

• Want to hear Jesse Jackson say something embarrassing and regrettable about cutting Obama's nuts out that is probably even more regrettable considering the supposed context is some shit about how Barack Obama needs to stop focusing so much on taking black men to task for being bad role models? Then turn on O'Reilly at 8! Yeah, I'm choosing beer in this case. [Drudge]
• Test missile launches always seem like the ten million dollar equivalent of showing up at your ex-boyfriend's party with some hot dude you blow at around midnight in the corner, in full view of at least three of his closest friends. Which is to say, they're just sort of inexplicably lame to me but it's the sort of behavior that shows you know exactly how to fuck with dudes. [WSJ]
• Sure you can get mad at Obama for supporting this rotten warrantless wiretapping retroactive immunity crap, but do you really think "swing voters" would buy that he doesn't support the U.S. Constitution solely on grounds that he's an Allah-worshiping terrorist? [Salon]
• Handy "analogy for the whole fucking economy" of the day #1: My grandfather's people are about to start getting paid in Euros. [WSJ]

• Handy " " " #2: High-flying super expansionary company employing 17,000 mostly unskilled uneducated Americans and some untold number of Chinese sweatshop workers goes down the tubes because it never really made money in the first place, and as it turns out its actual "earnings" came mostly from the same sweet loans and real estate kickbacks that have sent the rest of the system into disarray, but at the end of the day some rich Penn guys and Sarah Jessica Parker will get paid. [WSJ]
• Oh yeah so the market fell today, led by companies involved in those mortgage thingys, putting the S&P 500 index officially in the same "bear" category as the Dow. [WSJ]
• Angela Merkel does not have a crush on Obama, but her foreign minister does, which I guess means this whole awesome saga is playing out in Germany about some speech he wants to give before the Bradenburg Gate. [Breitbart]
• A depressing way to remind oneself that Istanbul is not actually the capital of Turkey. [NYT]