As we now know, all women over 35 are obsessed with Edward Cullen. This 46-year-old apparently speaks for her entire sisterhood when she says "I dream about him. I dream explicit dreams about Edward. You can't put down what I dream about Edward. It is very, very erotic. It's not Rob Pattinson. It's Edward." Yeah, we know. We're well aware of how women feel about the 108-year-old teen and the poor sap who plays him. But how do the menfolk respond to all this adulation? Enter Details.

"A lot of guys tell me they think Edward's a stalker," says Kristina Hart, a 30-year-old Boeing employee. "I wouldn't mind being stalked by Edward." She's wearing a T-shirt that says, "Edward can BUST my headboard, BITE my pillows, and BRUISE my body any day!"

And there are more such tales of men's inability to appreciate Twilight's pull:

"My husband is totally unamused by this," Noble says. "He says Edward is a 17-year-old fictional character. But that's not how I think of it. I say he's a 108-year-old character."..."He doesn't get it," Robbins says. "That's what he told me yesterday. But with life so crazy, this is my escape- Twilight. Edward. Men get into that comfortable rut once the relationship is there. Life gets so busy&" She trails off, then adds, "Men and women both, they lose that need to impress each other."

That said, all the women feel that "there's a little bit of Edward in every guy" if you dig, but it seems unlikely that the dudes are going to bother to find out, let alone read the "7 Lessons Guys Can Learn from Edward Cullen" posted (by a woman) on YouTube. Although one guy in the piece is about as close as a Twi-hard mom is likely to find. Even if it means seriously torturing his sons.

Jim Roden, a 37-year-old Navy reservist from Oregon who's about to ship off to Afghanistan, made a pilgrimage to Forks with his two young sons and his 33-year-old wife, Dawn. This whole Edward thing-Roden's given it some serious thought. "The seduction aspect of it, that forbidden romance, that hint of danger and intrigue-most of the girls dig that stuff, and most of the guys are not able to pan it out on a daily basis," he says. "It makes you think: Why can't I ante up and do those kinds of things? Have I slipped a little? Have I gotten a little too comfortable? When was the last time I bought her flowers? Or took her out? When was the last time I was spontaneous?" Roden's on a roll. "Being married doesn't give you a free pass to let yourself go. If it takes some silly little girls' book to remind you, that's kind of sad, but you've got to keep plugging away at it," he says. "And an occasional bite on the neck can't hurt."

That said, if the piece is any guide, most guys seem unlikely to break out the glitter any time soon. On the other hand, given that a sidebar invites readers to "star in your own photo shoot with Adam Lambert," perhaps there's hope yet.

So the Woman You Love Has the Hots for a Vampire. What Does That Say About You? [Details]

"Twilight" Of Our Youth [Salon]

Related:Older Women Crave 'New Moon' Vampires [CNN]
‘Twilight,' Take Me Away! [New York]

Earlier: "...I Had More Sex When I Was Reading Twilight Than In The Entire Few Months Before"

• Rosie O'Donnell has confirmed the rumors that her five-year marriage to Kelli Carpenter is on the rocks. She said: "Kelli and I love each other very much and we are working on our issues..."

• Rosie continued, "Those are the only words I am ever going to say. Ever. And that is something that has been agreed upon by all parties. But everything's fine and everybody's good and we're still both raising them together. We will both continue to parent them and we're friendly and everything's all right." [Radar Online]
• Kelli Carpenter reportedly took their youngest child (who she gave birth to) and moved into their Manhattan condo a few months ago, while Rosie O'Donnell is staying in their Nyack, NY home with their three adopted children. Sources say Kelli initiated the split because she couldn't deal with Rosie's mood swings. [Radar Online]
• Randy Jackson says Michael Jackson's signature on his 2002 will must be forged because on the date the will was signed MJ was with Randy in New York protesting against Sony executive Tommy Mattola. According to Al Sharpton's rep, he was also at the protest and can confirm that MJ was in New York, not signing the will in L.A. [TMZ]
• A literary agent is shopping a book containing Michael Jackson's "private writings" and drawings. [Crains New York]
• Jon Gosselin is demanding $12,000 an hour to guest-host a Florida radio show. He was offered first class plane tickets and a luxury hotel room but Jon's rep said he should also be paid because, "[Jon's] name and appearance on your show will instantly draw press ... and will be a high point for the show." The rep described Gosselin as "quite funny, sharp witted and interesting." O-rly? [TMZ]
• The lawyer who sponsored attorney Mark Heller's petition to represent Jon Gosselin in Pennsylvania has made a motion to formally withdraw his support, so it looks like Jon may need a new lawyer. [TMZ]
• Carrie Prejean has responded to Miss California USA's lawsuit against her by releasing this statement through her lawyer: "They have proven, once again, that they will use whatever scurrilous accusations they can dredge up – or invent – to try and tarnish Carrie's reputation and her good name. It is both appalling and pathetic to see K2 and their friends in Hollywood try to destroy this young woman simply for standing up for her beliefs." [Radar Online]
• Roman Polanski's lawyers need to get their story straight. One says there's "no change in strategy" and Polanski will "continue to fight extradition." Another says he may voluntarily surrender to U.S. authorities. [AP]
• Joel Madden wrote on his blog: "I keep getting emails from old friends and family asking about a wedding. NO we didn't get married." So Star's new cover story about Joel and Nicole Richie being married by a Rev. Moon over the internet isn't true? [Perez Hilton]
• Regarding Bronson Pinchot's accusations that as a young man Tom Cruise constantly made homophobic comments, his publicist said, "Obviously this is so far removed from who Tom Cruise is as a person, this must have been said in jest." It's a pretty clever statement, considering it's unclear whether he means Cruise or Pinchot was joking. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel went to see Where the Wild Things Are in Vancouver, where she's shooting a movie. Justin put his feet up on the seat in front of him and his head on Jess's shoulder. "They laughed a lot," said an eyewitness. "They seem so happy to be back together, to have worked things out." [Ok]
• The status of Usher's marriage to Tameka Foster Raymond has been changed to "disposed," which usually means it's been finalized. [TMZ]
• Amy Ryan gave birth to Georgia Gracie Slovin on October 15, her first child with her fiance, comedy writer Eric Slovin. [UPI]
• A Run-DMC musical is in the works. "Their work speaks to everybody," says producer Paula Wagner, "and the story of their rise to fame is innately theatrical." [N.Y.T.]
• Susan Sarandon has won the Stockholm film festival's lifetime achievement award for her "reflection, seduction and rebellion" in playing many "multifaceted female characters." [USA Today]
• Reggie Miller has obtained a restraining order against Alexander Von Furstenberg, who threatened to "beat him down" because he thinks Reggie hit on his fiancée Ali Kay. [Radar Online]
• Mayumi Heene's former client, Sunda Croonquist, says the family was homeless. They were staying in their work studio and "were living in conditions that were not acceptable", "slept on the floor or couches," and didn't have a bathroom. [Radar Online]
• Hulk Hogan says he considered suicide after Linda Hogan left him but Laila Ali, his Gladiators co-star, saved his life. He explained he took Xanax with rum and had his hand on the trigger of a gun when Ali called him after noticing he looked distracted at work. [CNN]
• Patricia Field called Sex and the City 2: Electric Boogaloo "Star Wars for women all over the world." Um, no. [People]
• Madonna has give Glee the rights to her catalogue and there's an all-Madonna episode in the works. [Entertainment Weekly]
• David Boreanaz was cheating on his wife of eight years, Jaime Bergman, while she was pregnant with their second child this spring. [Star]
• Emma Thompson, who attended the graduation of her adopted son Tindyebwa Agaba from the University of Exeter in July, will return to the school next month to lead talks on race relations. She said, "Exeter is very white and middle class and it needs to be cracked open a bit. I shall be there with my son, Tindy, who is from Rwanda. He had some unpleasant experiences at Exeter, but also some good ones. That's what's great, that the university has reacted with great oomph. They see we do need to open our eyes and doors and see what's been going on with people. I've been very impressed with that and I'll be there for three or four days." [Telegraph]
• The National Organization for Women sent a letter to David Letterman's producing partner Rob Burnett criticizing Dave for creating a "toxic environment" for the women he works with. Burnett defended Letterman, saying many women hold positions of power at their production company, no one has ever accused him of sexual harassment, and the scandal "did not stem from a complaint from anyone on our staff, but rather from an alleged attempt to commit a crime" against Letterman [Extra]
• Whitney Houston is selling her New Jersey home, which was featured on Being Bobby Brown for $2.5 million. There are pictures of the house here: [Real Estalker]
• "There are no childhoods any more," Smokey Robinson. "Our kids are indoctrinated from the time they're two years old with the news, the computer, advertising, every single, solitary thing. Our kids are brilliant – they're not stupid. This stuff is touching them. It's taking their childhood. They got too much information too fast." [The Telegraph]
• Alexa Chung says the biggest difference between New York and London is, "The rules in America are very oppressive. There are so many rules that people love to stick by. Like ID'ing you all the time, not letting you bringing a coffee into this venue (laughs). People are just sticklers for rules and they don't let you sneak a sneaky one. Like smoking cigarettes… It seems quite regimented." [Fashion Informer]
• "I equate fame with being a blue alien," says Juliette Lewis. "Some people are like [animated whisper], 'Look at the blue alien, she's so cute!' and other people are like [disgusted sneer], 'Oh my God, don't talk to the blue alien!' And, however they treat you, at the end of the day you're still a blue alien." [The Telegraph]
• Kim Kardashian, who recently turned 29, says, "I'm not going to lie, I woke up this morning feeling a little old! It's my last year in my 20s." [People]
• Kim Kardashian will guest judge tonight's episode of America's Next Top Model. She says, "I'm just a big fan of the show and I adore Tyra... I was so excited to give these girls advice and make a difference for their careers." [People]
• Mischa Barton says, "We have paint parties at my house, and everyone comes over and paints on blank canvases, and just does things for fun," she told us. "My kind of art has always been film. That's my primary interest, and everything else is just a hobby." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Michael Buble, who used to sleep with his bible every night praying that God would make him a singer, says, "As I get older I have a different concept of what God is to me and - it's not that I'm into organized religion - the truth is that I don't know. I'm sorry if that offends people out there, but I'm just being honest, I don't know. So instead of making it about a certain God, I have a relationship with that one thing. The universe. God. You can call it Jesus, you can call it Jehovah. You can call it whatever you want. Buddha if you want. Whatever. When I was a kid I definitely put it out there to the universe and to my God and I prayed that it would happen and it's obvious that it worked." [AP]
• Snoop Dogg says he referenced True Blood in "Gangsta Luv" because, "You know I'm down with it... I love that show. I wish I could be on it. I'd be a hell of a vampire, don't you think? So what's happenin'? True Blood, get at me - Snoop Dogg wants to be a vampire." [MTV]

Here's what Stephen Marche says in Esquire: "Vampires have overwhelmed pop culture because young straight women want to have sex with gay men. Not all young straight women, of course, but many, if not most, of them." Well, who can argue with such an authoritative statement? It's like arguing with the friend who refuses to believe everyone isn't a leetle bit gay and just smiles smugly at your denial if and when you try to argue.

Yes, True Blood, with its "God Hates Fangs" credit sequence, makes an explicit, topical, X-Men-style parallel. I can buy that our alleged collective love of the undead indicates a new acceptance of the Other. Sure, sounds good! And I can even get behind vampire-as-collective-unease-in-rough-times, especially as these plots tend to involve understanding and taming the unknown forces. But here's where he loses me:

Edward, the romantic hero of the Twilight series, is a sweet, screwed-up high school kid, and at the beginning of his relationship with Bella, she is attracted to him because he is strange, beautiful, and seemingly repulsed by her. This exact scenario happened several times in my high school between straight girls and gay guys who either hadn't figured out they were gay or were still in the closet. Twilight's fantasy is that the gorgeous gay guy can be your boyfriend, and for the slightly awkward teenage girls who consume the books and movies, that's the clincher. Vampire fiction for young women is the equivalent of lesbian porn for men: Both create an atmosphere of sexual abandon that is nonthreatening. That's what everybody wants, isn't it? Sex that's dangerous and safe at the same time, risky but comfortable, gooey and violent but also traditional and loving. In the bedroom, we want to have one foot in the twenty-first century and another in the nineteenth.

Hello, scarecrow, how about some fire? I've written enough dubious college papers to know the technique of slipping a weird assertion between some inarguable ones. Sure, vampires deal with off-limits sex, This same argument has been made, with more credence, to suggest the perils of the sexual world vis a vis virginity. Sex is scary. But Twilight doesn't work because Edward's asexual - it works because he wants her so much, but loves her too much to endanger her. More to the point: liking gay boys? Not really a "thing." Sure, some people do. People also have crushes on straight guys. And hormones are raging and friendships are close and all kinds of heartbreaking things go down.

And so vampires have appeared to help America process its newfound acceptance of what so many once thought strange or abnormal. Adam and Steve who live on your corner with their adorable little son and run a bakery? The transgendered man who gave birth to a healthy baby? The teenage girl who wishes that all boys could be vampires? All part of the luscious and terrifying magic of today's sexual revolution.

Well, sure, but how is this the same as "young straight women want to have sex with gay men?" Because you can't just say that and then produce a couple of teens with unrequited crushes. Talk about reductive, Mister. For someone writing about acceptance, you're doing a lot of generalizing. In fact, I begin to worry that a lot of the blame for this bizarre theory rests with Ann Rice, who seems to have an obsession with both Nosferatu and, if the bit of A.N. Roquelaure I was forced to read is any indication, lusting after gay princes. But here's one generalization I do feel comfortable making: Ann Rice doesn't really speak for all of us. And yes, I see that smug, knowing smile.

What's Really Going on With All These Vampires? [Esquire]

Sookie was discovering, with the help of nutty bride Maryann, that she might not even be human. Sookie is at her best when she is strong; "What the fuck are you?" is the kind of stuff she should be asking more often.

Zombie Layfayette was discovering that he likes being a bridesmaid.

Hoyt's mama was discovering that being a crazy black-eyed zombie is a whole lotta fun.

Question: if a demon forced you to be her maid of honor, would you lick the egg?

Queen Sophie-Anne was also dropping hints about Sookie's non-human qualities; there's definitely something going on that's making her attractive to vampires. And those of us who have not read the books are left wondering why the Queen has Eric selling blood for her, and what Sookie's cousin Hadley has to do with anything.

The wedding seemed to be, in part, a send-up of "Bridezilla" clichés, only more gory. Lafayette saying "Worship him, bitches!" ought to be a ringtone.

Like many nuptials where the ceremony is a bigger deal than the relationship between the bride and the groom, the wedding turned out to be BULL.

And Maryann turned into a Corpse Bride.

To be honest, I am glad to be done with her. It was interesting to see the town in the grips of blind faith, and there were many metaphors there — the black-eyed masses doing things without even knowing why could be applied to politics, religion, race issues, etc. In addition, the idea that because of Maryann, these people — who usually kept things like sex, drinking and hate undercover — were letting it all hang out was also a nod to the '60s counter-culture and sex clubs and the concept of freedom. That said: Happy to move on.

Sam's self-discovery had many different levels. He sacrificed himself for the town; allowed his nemesis Bill to save him; but was also mourning the loss of Daphne, the only one like him he's ever known. At one point during the episode, he said to Bill, "It took me this long to realize that you suffer in life more hiding something than you do if you face it," which is probably one of the lessons Sookie will have to learn as well, what with her telepathy and non-human powers. In any case, Sam looked up his adoptive mom, who apologized to him, and his adoptive father — on his deathbed — gave Sam some info on how to find his "real" parents. (Question: Does Sam have more powers, now that he's drunk Bill's blood?)

Eggs' self-discovery had the gravest consequences. He basically begged Sookie to help him remember what he'd done, but living with the knowledge that he'd been Maryann's assassin proved too much for him to take. Personally, I didn't like the way he died. I didn't like that it was Jason's fault, and I didn't like Andy covering up for Jason. The whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. I am glad that Andy is back on the police force, and that the sheriff has newfound respect for him. (He said: "You might have your faults, Andy, but at least you've got your pants on.")

Jessica The Teen Vamp's truck stop attack: WTF.

Lastly, Bill proposed to Sookie, throwing in plane tickets to Vermont, keeping up the vampires-are-like-gays analogy. Instead of immediately saying yes, Sookie was filled with questions and doubts, and this Sookie — the one who uses her heart and her mind is the one that makes the show more interesting. Since Bill's apparently been kidnapped, we'll be waiting a while to see how all this self-discovery plays out.

Overall, I'm not sure I liked this season as much as the first. While this finale was big and noisy, it lacked emotional depth, for me. The major plots this season: The Fellowship of The Sun and Maryann — meant that storyline, for the most part, revolved around non-vampires doing non-vampire things. Eric makes an excellent baddie. Lafayette needs more screen time. Hoyt and Jessica's relationship was a delight; and Hoyt's mama was a joy to watch, but orgy after orgy? Tedious. Here's hoping that the show focuses on a bloody good plot next season.

• Emma Watson has arrived at Brown University… And so have the paparazzi:

That's why there are these pix of her super-casual and hanging with other students on the quad of the Rhode Island campus. [Daily Mail]

• Following reports of an assault, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman says he did not hurt Tila Tequila and was only trying to restrain her from leaving his home while she was drunk. Merriman's statement reads: "I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided." But Tila called 911 and she signed a citizen's arrest form alleging that Merriman choked and restrained her. [LA Times]
• Tila Tequila's Twitter feed has more than 243,000 followers, and following the incident, she tweeted that she was safe at home and thanked fans for their concern. But she added: "I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila 'Tequila' cuz the irony. I can't drink." Which seems to dispute Shawne Merriman's take on the incident. Later she tweeted: "I am only 93 pounds and 4'ft 11...." [CNN, TMZ]
• Shawne Merriman's lawyer says other people were in the house at the time of the incident and "witness after witness after witness will back up his story 100 percent." [CNN]
• Shawne Merriman says of his alleged assault on Tila Tequila: "We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety. I'm still glad I did what I did." [NY Post]
• Lindsay Lohan is such a big True Blood fan that she posted this picture of herself wearing a studded choker and vampire fangs on her Twitter with the words "my dream." Is she trying to audition? [NY Daily News]
• Tyra Banks is talking about her decision to appear without a weave or extensions on Tomorrow's episode of her show: "I feel like it's my responsibility. I've shown myself with no makeup, cellulite on my butt, untouched photos of myself, but I haven't really shown my hair.
  "It's a mystery. People are like, 'Does she have any hair?' Young girls come up to me all the time and say, 'I want to look like you, be like you.' I want to show them what I really look like." [Digital Spy via Entertainment Tonight]
• More from Tyra: "It's just me coming straight out of the shower with wet hair. My hairdresser's going to do my hair live on stage." Tyra is also launching an online "magazine," Tyra: Beauty Inside & Out. "I'm really interested in helping women take control of their futures, take control of their destiny. One of my lines in my manifesto on the Web site is to be the CEO of your own life, be in control of your own life," she says. [AP]
• Tyra made Perez Hilton promise he wouldn't mock celebrities under the age of 18, and in return she invited him to be a guest judge on ANTM. A few days later, Perez mocked 15-year-old Tallulah Willis. [Gatecrasher]
• Lady Gaga was doing lots of coke when her dad gave her a talking to: "My father is a really powerful man, a telecom guy. So he looked at me one day and said, 'You're fuckin' up, kid.' And I looked at him and thought, 'How does he know that I'm high right now?' And he never said a word about the drugs, not one word. But he said, 'I just wanna tell you that anyone you meet while you're like this, and any friend that you make in the future while you are with this thing, you will lose.' And we never talked about it again." [Daily Mail]
• Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy: Reunited and it feels so good? [Telegraph]
• Dr. Oz is leaving Oprah Winfrey for his own talk show. Junk food is banned backstage and his show will focus on health "hot topics" like weight loss and swine flu. "There is no question we can save lives every day if we can motivate people to do what we're talking about. The challenge isn't what to say - because we know that - the challenge is how to say it so people are motivated." [AP]
• Plots near Michael Jackson's final resting place at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale have gone up $2,000 to $3,000 each; one person who owns a unit near MJ"s crypt is asking $34,000 for a double unit inside Jackson's mausoleum. Can't take it with you. [TMZ]
• Randy Jackson says that a helicopter "severely disrupted" Michael Jackson's funeral. [NY Daily News]
• Ralph Fiennes presented Vanessa Redgrave — Natasha Richardson's mother — with a lifetime achievement gong at the Harper's Bazaar magazine's Women Of The Year Awards, saying he had a "great friendship" with Richardson and calling Redgrave a woman of "truth, of loyalty, of integrity, of passion, of compassion." [Mirror]
• Singer Leona Lewis' cousin Adrian Henry, who has a previous conviction for rape, has just been sentenced to six years for robbing a "hard working family." [Daily Mail]
• Mischa Barton: Spotted outside of a gym with a bag of McDonald's, talking to someone who looked like a trainer and saying, "Do I have to?" [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin's "family day" was interrupted by an ambulance visit: His grandmother fell in his driveway. She'll be fine. (Those of us sick of Gosselin updates, on the other hand…) [E!]
• Jon Gosselin was convinced that Kate Gosselin was hiding a large sum of money in a "secret trust." His attorney gave her a deadline to reveal where the money is, and she complied: The cash is currently in a trust for the children's future. [Page Six]
• Jon Gosselin on Kate Gosselin: "I don't trust her anymore. I was abused ... I was beaten down ... I'm not going back to that life style." And! "In 10 years, I've never gone out... When she said, 'I don't want you going out,' I ... I used to say, 'OK, I'm not going to go out.' I was very passive. This is the first time I said, 'You know what? I want to see my friends. I'm going out. That was the first time in my life I ever stood up to Kate... I just felt like I had to take back some time in my life, and I did it. And I felt really good. I made my own decision... I was beaten down for so long, I couldn't even make my own decision. And when I did, I was like, holy cow! You know? Yeah, what's she gonna do? Divorce me? All right. Obviously. You know." Plus: "My mom and my brothers, they say to me, 'It's so good to have the real Jon back. It's so good to have the warm, loving, kind, caring person that we knew you when you were ... before you got married.' I've changed for her. Because I loved her ... But don't forget who you are. That's what happened to me." More from his Good Morning America interview with Chris Cuomo at the link. [Us Magazine]
• Jon Gosselin: "I can't sit on the sofa with that woman. I can't sit on someone right now that I despise." [GMA/ABC News]
• The tattoo parlor in New York where Rihanna inked a few people (her tattoo artist, BangBang, and his coworkers) has been fined for "operating with an unlicensed tattoo artist on site." [NY Daily News]
• Remember the fight between Joe Francis and Brody Jenner a couple of weeks ago? Joe was allegedly harassing former girlfriend Abbey Wilson when Brody and Jayde Nicole intervened. The latest is that afterward, Joe sent moving trucks over to Abbey's house to take her furniture away; he felt if she was going to lie about the incident, he wasn't going to let her keep anything he'd ever bought her. [TMZ]
• Joe Francis is being sued by a construction company for money owed for work on his Bel Air home. [TMZ]
• Joy Behar's new talk show debuts on HLN September 29, and the network formerly known as CNN Headline News is becoming incredibly lady-friendly. Joy's show is at 9pm, and she's followed by Jane Velez-Mitchell and Nancy Grace. [AP]
• How did Matt Damon gain 30 pounds for his role in The Informant? "I just ate everything I could see." More specifically: "I started eating like crazy and drinking dark beer. Between meals on set, I'd eat a No. 1 Value Meal at McDonald's and then Doritos on top of it. It was absolute heaven… Now I'm the Sexiest Man Alive's chunky cousin." [Daily Mail]
• Teri Hatcher is training for a triathalon. [People]
• Whoa: Sean Penn was spotted with Sports Illustrated swimsuit (and bodypaint) model Jessica White?!?! [Page Six]
• Rave reviews for Mo'Nique's performance in Precious! Forbes.com media critic Bill McCuddy says: "She doesn't steal the film — she kicks, screams and pummels it into an Oscar no-brainer." Trailer here. [Page Six]
• Taylor Momsen's band, Pretty Reckless, will play a Teen Vogue party tonight. [Page Six]
• Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend has adjusted to her mood swings, so you can all just relax. [People]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Eric Dane put his hand on Rebecca Gayheart's belly at DJ AM's funeral, so she must be pregnant. [Page Six]
• "Paul Simon says he had nothing to do with the recent cancellation of a performance of the stage play The Sound of Silence in Sweden." [UPI]
• Samantha Burke, who is eight months pregnant with Jude Law's spawn, is "excited" with only one month to go. [The Sun]
• "Hip-hop artist and actor Ludacris' Ludacris Foundation and Nissan South gifted 20 needy people in the Atlanta area with cars Sunday, organizers said… Winners of the "Ludacares Stimulus Package" contestant drove away with used vehicles and are entitled to free gas for 30 days." [UPI]
• Actress Marley Shelton gave birth to a girl named West Flynn on Sunday. [People]
• Mohammed Ismail, father of Slumdog Millionaire child star Azharuddin Ismail, died in Mumbai on Friday; he'd been suffering from tuberculosis for over a year. Mohammed made the news earlier this year when he slapped his son for refusing to give interviews after returning from L.A. [Hndustan Times]
• Bianca Jagger lost a €200,000 platinum-and-aquamarine ring in Salzburg in August 2008; Austrian millionaire Reinhard Ringler found the ring and wanted a reward; the whole thing has turned into a mess with a three-month settlement period. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "A jury in San Diego County, Calif., has found in favor of TV actor Tom Selleck and his family in regards to a disputed horse sale." [UPI]
• Bee Gees reunion! [UPI]
• John Lydon — aka Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols — is reforming his band Public Image Ltd (PiL) after a 17 year hiatus. [Reuters]
• Click if you want to read Tom Jones recount a story about Elvis with his pants down. [Telegraph]
• Whatshername and Whathisname will be officially divorced today. [Mirror]
• "It kind of feels like graduating. I'm still really good friends with all the producers and directors and everyone, so it really only feels like a graduation." — Audrina Patridge on leaving The Hills for her "spicier, edgier, older" reality show. [People]
• "My brothers and I came home one day for lunch-I was at the Hackley School… and my mother, who was being pursued by creditors, had a TripTik map in her hand. She said, ‘We're going on a vacation. We're going to visit every man I ever went out with, from the time I was in Miss Semple's finishing school, to find out if I made a mistake.' She found the first one in St. Louis and told us, 'Most divine man I ever met-he made the winning touchdown in the Harvard-Yale game. I just don't want to surprise him with all of you.' So at the restaurant my brothers and I waited in the car. Twenty minutes later, she came out and said, 'Oh, my God. He's let himself go.' Further south, she'd tell the man, 'Meet me on the corner,' and we'd drive by very slowly and she'd say, ‘Oh, no. Oh, no.'" — George Hamilton, on My One and Only, a film based on an odd road trip that he and his brothers took with their mother in 1955. [The New Yorker]
• "The commitment and devotion of my fans in the UK, otherwise known as 'my little monsters', has made for a truly memorable and successful year for myself and The Fame. I am honoured to be the songwriter and performer behind the number one and number three all-time most downloaded songs in history in the UK." — Lady Gaga. [Mirror]
• "I think that's because it's just instinctual as a woman to be the caretaker of your home. Women complain that men don't do enough, but it's your own fault. You train your man to do nothing. You can't blame someone for not knowing what his or her job should be if you don't ask for it right off the bat." — Jennifer Aniston. [MSNBC via Australian Harper's Bazaar]
• "My cocaine soundtrack was The Cure. I loved all their music, but I listened to this one song on repeat while I did bags and bags of cocaine. ‘Whatever I do/It's not enough.' Isn't that funny? At the time I didn't think there was anything wrong with me until my friends came over and said, ‘Are you doing this alone?' Um, yes. Me and my mirror." — Lady Gaga. [ONTD via Showbiz Spy]

"Never underestimate the power of blind faith." Bill was looking for some help in defeating Maryann the Maenad; Queen Sophie Anne was just bored and teasing — but the Truth, as a theme, came up again and again. (Plus, she told Bill the Truth: A maenad can't be killed.)

Just a note: Lafayette with furry handcuffs and a shotgun is someone you want on your side. But while Tara was being held captive, she, also started spilling the Truth: Telling her (formerly drunk) mother that she'd never been a true woman of God.

Jason Stackhouse, in his own misguided way, attempted to deal with the Truth, telling Sam: "Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible. Or the Constitution." The question is, are traditional weapons the best way to defeat what's invaded his town?

Here's another Truth: Eric in Tara's mom's dress was freaky, yet awesome. Are Lafayette's hallucinations PTSD, vampire-related, or something else? And why haven't we been able to see his "nasty" and "fantastic" sex dreams about Eric? Boo.

With Bill out of town visiting the Queen, Sookie had to stand up for herself and be strong. Thank the Lord she's not the damsel in distress anymore! She actually threw some kind of kitschy ashtray at Tara's mom; rescuing Lafayette from gunpoint. Plus: She told Lafaytte to shoot Maryann if he had the chance, saying: "I mean it! Shoot her in the head!" This is the kind of Sookie you can root for! Poor Lafayette, he just seemed to have something else on his mind.

More Truth: Hoyt's mama lied about how Hoyt's daddy died. Also, perhaps Hoyt has been lying to himself about what it means to date a vampire; since Jessica bit his mother. And maybe Jessica has been lying to herself about how well she can control her urges. She is a new vampire, after all. And she was a young human when she was turned. The Truth is, she has a lot of growing to do. Another Truth: Actress Dale Raoul really just electrifies the screen playing Hoyt's mama, I just can't stop loving/hating her.

There are plenty of gory, bloody and disgusting moments on this show, what with people chopping off their own fingers and so on, but for some reason, Sookie having to lie on the kitchen floor where her grandmother died with some smelly possessed guy was one of the most disturbing things in the entire episode. A few moments earlier, she'd wondered, "How come there's so much wrong in the world?" She's dating a man who drinks blood; her grandmother was murdered, and Sookie is still disappointed that evil lurks. The truth hurts. Of course, elsewhere in her wold, Sam was making a deal with Eric and Sookie's boyfriend was turning down sex with a Latvian boy. Plus, Jason was saying: "This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumbasses, but they're still Americans." Some good deeds to balance out the bad.

Toward the end of the episode, Bill was fed up with playing Queen Sophie Anne's games and she told him the Truth: the "God Who Comes" never actually comes. "Gods only exist in humans minds like money and morality," she explained. Something an immortal would say.

Lastly: What the hell is this? Is Lafayette making a big omelette dinner? The truth, please!!!

Earlier: True Blood: "She Wants To Cut Out My Heart While A Bunch Of Naked People Watch"
True Blood: Sookie's Dreamy Nightmare
True Blood: The Church Showdown & The Perma-Virgin

• Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley: Headed for divorce? According to sources:

She's been "partying hard and hanging with a number of male admirers." The two, married in 2006, have not been photographed together since last December. [Gatecrasher]

• Chris Brown sat down with Larry King last night for a "no-holds-barred chat." Expect it to air sometime next week. Interesting that it wasn't not live — no one could call in or Tweet and tell Chris how they really feel about him. [E!]
• Meanwhile Rihanna went dancing with Serena Williams, Queen Latifah and Paula Patton. [Gatecrasher]
• At her concert in Bucharest, Madonna spoke out against the discrimination of Gypsies. She said it made her "sad" that the Roma peple were discriminated against. The crowd booed. [AP]
• These blurry pix are the "three slick hipsters" who allegedly ransacked Lindsay Lohan's house. [NY Daily News]
• WTF: Some fans were escorted from their seats by security for "dancing too provocatively" at the Britney Spears concert in NYC on Tuesday. This is the same woman who shimmied half-naked with a snake while moaning "I'm a slave for you," right? [Page Six]
• Jon Gosselin's reaction to Kate Gosselin's interview with Larry King: "She didn't say anything. She just kept on redirecting and avoiding answering the questions." Jon adds: "When Larry's ready for me, I can answer questions." [MSNBC]
• Cops have located Jasmine Fiore's Mercedes, missing since her murder. Ryan Jenkins was seen leaving a hotel near San Diego on August 14 in the car — carrying a suitcase — it was the same suitcase that was later found to contain Fiore's body. [TMZ]
• Uh-oh: Gerard Butler's pug, Lolita, got into an "altercation" with a greyhound. The greyhound allegedly bit Gerard's dog twice — but the greyhound's owner says that Gerard's dog wasn't on a leash and that Gerard hit his greyhound on the head and shouted, "That dog should be put down!" [MSNBC Scoop]
• Ashley Olsen wore corduroy trousers and a turban to a Girl Talk concert in Brooklyn on Saturday. It was 90°. [Gatecrasher]
• Heidi Klum gets naked in her new coffee-table book, Rankin's Heidilicious, out in October. She says: "It's very naughty. I've been shooting with this photographer, Rankin, for seven years, and working with him is fun because he always makes me look different. And he always gets me to take my clothes off for some reason. We'll do some job, and then he'll say, 'Why don't we shoot some more things,' and I'll wind up without anything on." [E!]
• Lily Allen looks effing hot on the cover of Elle UK. Inside she says: "I wish I'd never written [my song] 'Not Fair.' You know, the thought honestly - really, honestly - never even occurred to me that it would scare men. I thought it might empower women. I thought women would go: 'Oh God, yes, at last somebody is saying it.' I didn't think it would put me in a position where guys would be like, 'Whoa, no, I'm not sleeping with you in case you write something about it!'" [The Sun]
• Derek Jeter and MInka Kelly: Secretly engaged. [Page Six]
• Anne Heche was on Letterman last night and bashed her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon. She called him a "lazy ass" and when asked by Letterman what Lafdoon does for a living, Heche said: "He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, 'Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!'" [People]
• Evan Rachel Wood spills some details about her True Blood character Queen Sophie-Ann: "She's not necessarily a lesbian. Her human partner is a girl, but I'm pretty sure she goes both ways [laughs]. I think vampires are like that in general." In addition, that interview links to an Alexander Skarsgård shower scene. Le sigh. [E!, E!]
• Singer, songwriter, Mandy Moore's husband and now blogger: Ryan Adams will be writing a video game column for website The Awl. [Page Six]
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks on the big screen! She will star alongside Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel in the romance Life As We Know It. [Variety]
• Blake Lively has joined the cast of Ben Affleck's crime thriller The Town, which also stars Jon Hamm. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Paulina Porizkova blogs: "I feel the need to constantly prove I'm not some dumb model." So she reads "lengthy sagas set in hot foreign lands." Her choices include: A Suitable Boy, The Soldier of the Great War, and Rain of Gold. "None of these books are under 500 pages," she writes, "so once read, they can be used to tone biceps or in step class." [Page Six via Modelinia.com]
• Are we supposed to be focusing on Carrie Ann Inaba's crotch in this "spay or neuter today" PETA ad? [People]
• Tom Sizemore: Charged with spousal battery. [TMZ]
• Bob Dylan's Christmas album: Not a joke. [NY Daily News]
• "Malaysia's government has barred Muslims from a concert by U.S. hip-hop stars the Black Eyed Peas next month because the event is organized by Irish beer giant Guinness, an official said Thursday." [AP]
• The new Darren Aronofsky film Black Swan has an explicit sex scene — "not just nice sweet innocent sex, we're talking ecstasy-induced, hungry, angry sex." This paper claims: "No wonder Darren didn't want Rachel Weisz, mother to his three-year-old child, to star." Huh. Well. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis will star instead. [Daily Express]
• Joanne Woodward will take over her late husband Paul Newman's film project, Lucky Them, starring Marisa Tomei, which starts shooting in the fall. [Page Six]
• T-Mobile is pushing myTouch 3G, the product competing with the iPhone, and Whoopi Goldberg will star in some of the ads. Way less creepy than that Palm Pre lady. [AdWeek]
• A source close to Ryan O'Neal says there is no truth to the rumor that Redmond is getting his own reality show. [UPI]
• Robin Williams decided to get rid of his body hair for new movie World's Greatest Dad. "I shaved because if you don't, it's, like, animal-rights issues," he says. "With this, I said to [writer-director Bobcat Goldthwait], 'I think for this scene, I should take everything off because at this point he's literally shedding everything.' It's a breakdown, but in a weird way, a positive one." [LA Times]
• Isaiah Washington and his wife have fallen behind on their house payments and face eviction; the landlord claims the former Grey's Anatomy star owes $100,000 in rent. [USA Today]
• "The less and less you 'act,' great. I had a great acting teacher at Juilliard who said, 'Sometimes, Method acting can be like urinating in brown corduroy pants: You feel wonderful, and we see nothing.' " — Robin Williams. [LA Times]
• "I think women are bitchy. That's the difference. They'll smile at you and then kill you. The men just give it right at you. Oprah's just very cold. Oprah, if she don't need you, she don't know you. Streisand, they say she's desperately shy. I think when you've got $600million, take lessons on how not to be shy. If you've got $600million, say hello to everybody. They gave it to you." — Joan Rivers. [Daily Express]
• "Someone is going to take a tweezer to those brows, and I think her hair's going to change up a little bit. It's definitely time for her to sort of grow up a little bit. People are freaking out. There's a huge sort of battle, half the people are like, get them off! And other people are like, no! It's Betty! She's always going to be Betty, but yeah, the braces are gone, the brows are being trimmed, and she's going to get a little bit more of a swoop." — Ana Ortiz, aka Hilda on the upcoming changes on Ugly Betty. [NY Mag]
• "Being German, I had a pretty precise idea of what a German movie star would be like. But I've never been shot at in a film. Most of those scenes are actually quite funny to shoot. The blood is sticky, everything sticks to you and you're pretending to be in pain… I'm a big fan personally. Most actors are. All his movies are performance driven and he writes incredibly well for women. I loved Pam Grier in Jackie Brown." — Diane Kruger, on being in Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. [HuffPo]
• "Man, we got so beaten over the head for that! It's not like the four boys and I wrote it. You get hired to do it, they give you a script and you learn your lines. If I could have, I would have done the whole thing in German, with subtitles-everyone in dirndls and on swings and milking cows. Each nominee would have had to ride in on a big cow and milk it." — Heidi Klum, on hosting the Emmys last year. [E!]

Sam finally figured out that Maryann is a maenad, and he and Andy Bellefleur — some of the only people in town not under Maryann's spell — teamed up to try and figure out what to do. How do you kill an immortal? As devotees of the books have mentioned, the maenads were the female followers of Dionysus, and reveled in dancing, uncontrolled sexual behavior and drunken intoxication. It sounds great in theory, but Maryann's black-eyed mob shows that such soulless behavior can lead down a dark, frenzied path and involve intense physical sacrifices.

But let's back up a little bit. Let's just say you went away for a little while, and when you came back, this bullcrap was in your front yard:

Maryann's construction of bones, raw meat, flowers and feathers. Charming, no?

When Sookie, Jason and Bill returned to Bon Temps, they found that the townspeople had gone cuckoo, and Hoyt's mother was one of the black-eyed under Maryann's spell.

It's interesting that Hoyt's mother, Maxine Fortenberry, already had a heap of hate in her heart before falling under Maryann's spell — seems like she didn't have far to fall. I thought Dale Raoul, the actress playing Ms. Fortenberry, really seemed to relish acting like a brainwashed wacko. "Playing Wii gets her to focus" was a nice touch.

Discovering that his town, his "home turf" was under attack spurred Jason Stackhouse into action. It's such a perfect redemption plotline for him, since his time with the anti-vampire Fellowship of the Sun Church seemed so misguided. But he's grown, and with his training and courage, he set out to get to the bottom of the problem, saying, "This is the war I've been training for."

Meanwhile, Sookie went back to her house, which Maryann had been using as her base. I've been complaining about how frequently Sookie has needed to be rescued this season, so it was a welcome twist to see her exhibit some moxie, strength and courage. And that was before she zapped Maryann with powers neither Sookie (nor we) knew she had, leaving Maryann to ask, stunned and amazed: "What are you?"

Poor Lafayette was busy making zero progress with a possessed Tara. Luckily, Bill and Sookie helped get through to Tara — delving into her mind and rescuing her from the clutches of the demon. Again, Sookie proved that she is strong, and capable, and fearless when it comes to protecting her friends.

As is her brother, Jason: He saved Sam Merlotte from a black-eyed mob! Only to be foiled by an extremely efficient Terry Bellefleur. Terry, who suffers from PTSD, became a natural leader while under Maryann's spell — thinking fairly clearly and acting with military precision. His previous experiences in the armed forces seem to have prepared him for being taken over by a demon spirit. One type of brainwashing replaced the other. Check out his bravado:

The mob's single-minded focus on catching Sam Merlotte was, in the end, their downfall: Once he gave himself up to them, they weren't entirely sure what to do with him. Which made it easier for Jason and Andy to distract them, pretending to be "The God Who Comes."

Of course, Jason wasn't really the god the townspeople were waiting for. But between his theatrics and Sam's shapeshifting, the mob backed off and dispersed. But Maryann is still very much in the picture, which means Sam is still in danger.

At the end of the episode, Bill went to visit the Queen, to get some help to defeat Maryann, so we'll see how that pans out. It's notable that the town had been in the grips of vampire prejudice, and now may need help from a vampire. It's also interesting that all of the boozing, sex and gluttony the mob has been indulging in while under Maryann's spell are just the kind of things they like to accuse vampires of. Ever since the first episode of True Blood, much has been made of the vampire's plight being parallel to that of gay rights (even without the Fellowship Of The Sun plotline, the "God Hates Fangs" sign in the opening credits keeps that theme alive). But really, when the vampire characters (like Bill and Godric) act humanely, and the human characters (Rene; the whole town) act like animals, it speaks to deeper truths about what it means to be human, dead or alive.

[Los Angeles, August 20. Image via INFDaily.]

But it was also confusing to see him smitten with Sookie, and I was confused about the dream/fantasy/hallucination: Did Eric get into Sookie's brain, or were Sookie's desires bubbling up from her subconscious? Also, I like Eric and Sookie together better than Bill and Sookie right now. Should I feel bad about that? Anyway. The episode started out with a bang, when Luke suicide bombed himself inside the lair. Lots of blood and Luke's severed hand, with the Honesty Ring still on it. Eric protected Sookie from harm, but tricked her into sucking silver shrapnel from his body, and now that she's tasted his blood, they are linked. She's the heroine of the show. Why is she so dumb?
Additional highlights:

• Jessica musing, "I can't be the only vampire virgin."
• Arlene to Terry: "Quit being so much more peculiar than you usually are."
• Hoyt's momma's potato chip and grilled cheese sandwich, followed by Hoyt telling off his momma. (Plus, it seemed like there may have been some foreshadowing; I wouldn't be surprised if Hoyt's momma had a heart attack.)
• Sam turning into a fly to escape from jail (and Maryann).
• Lafayette stealing Tara away from the clutches of Maryann and Eggs.
• Bill saying, "We have a score to settle," and punching Eric, which is what you do when a dude tricks your girlfriend into sucking his blood.
• Godric's resignation as sheriff.
• Godric about to meet the sun, with Eric on his knees, sobbing "please."

• Lily Allen was performing in Helsinki, Finland when she burst into tears. Before the show, she Tweeted:

"Fell over badly last night and I've really fucked my back up. Just had an injection in my bum. How am I gonna get through tonight's gig?" Throwing out your back is terrible! So is Lily's hair/makeup in these pix. [Daily Mail]

• Bill Maher said he once saw Brad Pitt roll the most perfect joint he had ever seen. "I'm an artist," Brad agreed. [NY Daily News]
• Brad Pitt is being added to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes as the detective's arch enemy. The character of Moriarty was missing from a rough cut of the film, and movie execs insisted the famous nemesis be added to the flick. Ritchie called old pal Pitt (who was in Snatch) and he'll film this week in London. [Mirror]
• The Dancing With The Stars season 9 cast: Revealed! Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Kathy Ireland, Mya, Iron Chef host Mark Dacascos, Ashley Hamilton, former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin, Donny Osmond, Tom DeLay (?!?!?!), Olympic swimming gold medalist Natalie Coughlin, model Joanna Krupa, Debi Mazar, Kelly Osbourne, Aaron Carter, Chuck Liddell, and snowboarder Louie Vito. [ABC News]
• Jennifer Aniston complimented a woman pole-dancing on the set of The Bounty, saying she looked like a professional. The lady replied, "I am!" [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney plans to sue a photographer who climbed over the wall of his Lake Como home and took pictures of a 13-year-old girl changing in a guest room, as well as snaps of Clooney and gf Elisabetta Canalis. Cloons says: "I don't know about the law in the United States, but in Italy it's illegal for photographers to climb over my wall. He'll also press charges against two magazines who published the photos. [Gatecrasher]
• Beyoncé: Secretly taking ballet classes at Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin went to a party thrown by a student at Parsons School Of Design. He only stayed for 20 minutes, but arrived with a paparazzo and left with two female students. Keepin' it classy. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Even though Paula Abdul won't be on Dancing With The Stars, she MIGHT get a ABC show of her own. Paula's Wacky Clappy Variety Show? [TMZ]
• Madonna performed in Warsaw on Saturday even though it was a holy date, the Assumption of Mary feast. National group Pro Polonia called her a "crypto-Satanist," which is not very crypto. [Daily Express]
• Bob Dylan was on tour and took a walk in Long Branch, NJ, when he was stopped by cops; a resident had reported someone "wandering" around the neighborhood. A cop asked him for I.D. "I don't think she was familiar with his entire body of work," says a town official. [NY Daily News]
• Jennifer Lopez is looking pretty hot on the cover of InStyle and inside she's saying stuff like: "There's nothing as huge as giving birth to another human being and having to be responsible for another life. There's you before kids, and there's you after kids – and they're not the same you." [People]
• Mark Wahlberg was rushed to the hospital on Friday morning after suffering smoke inhalation on the set of The Frighter. A smoke machine was being used for atmosphere and Wahlberg breathed in too much. [RadarOnline, Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse's divorce from Blake Fielder-Civil will be finalized at the end of the month, but Blake allegedly told a reporter: "I want to take her out for dinner and propose again. I hope that within five minutes we'll be planning where we're next going to get married." [Daily Mail]
• Blake also says: "She is looking beautiful and healthy now and it reminds me of the old Amy." [News Of The World]
• Amy will appear on Strictly Come Dancing in September as a backup singer for her 13-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield, and there's a cute picture of them hugging at the link. [Mirror]
• Bodysnarky opening sentence of the day: "She's looking thinner than ever, but there's one part of Victoria Beckham that looks set to put on a lot of weight very quickly - her wallet. Posh Spice has landed a £3million contract on American Idol…" [Daily Mail]
• Joe Simpson is pushing Jessica Simpson as the perfect replacement for Paula Abdul on American Idol. [Page Six]
• Saturday night after a Fall Out Boy show, Ashlee Simpson and husband Pete Wentz were at a bar when Ashlee got wasted, yelled at Pete and made him leave his own party early. Charming! [Perez]
• Jane Fonda, 71, might marry 67-year-old Richard Perry next year, which would be her fourth wedding. [Daily Express]
• So many contradictory stories about MJ. We first heard that he was strong during rehearsals. This report claims: "Michael Jackson was so weak in his final days he needed to be SPOON-FED meals, his make-up artist has revealed." [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's body has been moved in secret to a new crypt, where it's been frozen." [Daily Express]
• This report claims that Michael Jackson will be buried on what would have been his 51st birthday, August 29. Or so says Joe Jackson. [Gatecrasher]
• You know how Michael Phelps was in a car accident last week? Turns out he was driving with an expired license and told cops he had a beer about an hour before the crash. [TMZ]
• George Michael on his car smashup: "Neither of us was charged because we were both stone cold sober. We both think the other is to blame so this is just an insurance fight." [E!]
• Eva Longoria is expanding her restaurant business, and soon she'll have a Beso Vegas and "Besitos" in ariports. [People]
• Kristin Bauer, who plays Pam on True Blood, thinks Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer will have kids together since Anna is "great" with Stephen's kids from previous relationships. [E!]
• Tons of Gossip Girl spoilers at the link, and yes, there are details on Chuck and Blair — with a HOT picture of the Bass. [People]
• Matthew Settle — Gossip Girl's Rufus — skateboards through New York during rush hour. [NY Times]
• Actress Aishwarya Rai has a chest infection with flu-like symptoms. [Times Of India]
• Anna Friel will play Holly Golightly in an upcoming stage production of Breakfast At Tiffany's in London. [Times Of London]
• The Office's Amy Ryan — who plays Holly Flax — is pregnant. [E!]
• An excerpt of Alana Stewart's book, My Journey With Farrah: A Story Of Life, Love And Friendship, at the link. [Daily Mail]
• Bananarama's back. [Daily Mail]
• Aberdeen, Washington has the title of one hometown hero Kurt Cobain's songs, "Come As You Are," posted at the entrance of town. An unofficial park has been established next to the bridge under which Cobain hung out and wrote songs. [LA Times]
• Blind item! "Which D-list relationship recently ended when the gal found out her man's secret vice was boy-on-boy action?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I can't tell you how far from a gold-digger I am. I've never dated a rich man in my life. I've always wondered how girl friends of mine could even ask their boyfriends to buy them clothes." — Samantha Burke, who was impregnated by Jude Law. [Daily Mail]
• "I thought it was an incredibly sexual role and a challenge to be an 'older woman' in the film. Roles always challenge me in some personal way and that was one I wanted to overcome: 'Wow, all of a sudden, you've become the "Older Woman" in a movie. Let's give the younger ones a run for their money.'" — Anne Heche on playing opposite Ashton Kutcher in Spread. [LA Times]
• "This season, I really want to get back to the guerilla style I used to have. I want to try to get back to my roots and make it crazy. In the first episode, I get buried alive in a coffin, six feet under 5,000 pounds of snow. I want people to realize I'm not complacent because I have a little bit of success and a little money. Hopefully in return I can raise the level of the art form to the level other art forms receive, like the cinema.… I just really loved the ability as a kid to do something that adults didn't understand. It was like power. Then I realized as a teenager that there was more to the art of magic than how you did it. It's trying to connect to somebody." — Criss Angel, whose Mindfreak is back on A&E for its 5th season. [LA Times]
• "I like everything about filming except the acting. In recent years I've had really bad attacks where I totally froze up. I thought 'Well, if I am going to get stage fright, then I am packing it in.'" — Hugh Grant. [Daily Mail]
• "I think anybody that's touring is going to have a carbon footprint. I think it's probably unfair to single out rock 'n' roll. There's many other things that are in the same category but as it happens we have a program to offset whatever carbon footprint we have." — The Edge, annoyed by critics of U2's travel. [Daily Express]
• "The Harry Potter books are not explicitly religious in the way that C.S. Lewis's Narnia tales are, but there is a strong sense of evil, and issues of good and evil are not only philosophical issues but also theological issues." —University of Massachusetts-Amherst philosophy professor Gareth B. Matthews. [UPI]
• "I think when I started I was working in the vein of The Dirty Dozen or The Devil's Brigade. But now watching the completed film with audiences, I don't think there has ever been a World War II movie like it. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your taste, but it's definitely a thing." — Quentin Tarantino on Inglourious Basterds. [WSJ]
• "Don Cheadle could play me, but I hope they just go with the obvious casting choice." — Richard Belzer, when asked who would play Richard Belzer if his crime novel about a a New York City police detective named Richard Belzer were made into a TV show. [Publishers Weekly]
• "I've had my heart broken before. Truly, truly broken. But when I look back at me in my heartbroken phase, it's pretty hilarious, because it felt so much more extreme than it really was. One of the things I love about (500) Days of Summer is that it doesn't make light of what we go through in romances, but it is honest about it and shows it for what it is, which is often profoundly funny." — Joseph Gordon-Levitt. [Guardian]
• "The speed of news creates so much vertigo. I am a very private person." — Penelope Cruz. [Telegraph]
• "We kind of rolled our eyes at the idea of having to make out." — Amanda Seyfried on her Jennifer's Body girl-on-girl scene with Megan Fox. [Page Six via Entertainment Weekly]
• "I remember really vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn't be able to see my feet. Eventually that request was granted. A bit of divine intervention displays the power of prayer. Every time before I go on stage, or go out where I know there will be a lot of press, I take a skipping rope and spend about ten minutes, fully clothed, skipping. I look like Rocky. This way I can ensure that everything is firmly in place and I won't have a wardrobe malfunction. Don't want those boulders doing a show of their own." — Katy Perry. [The Sun]

For instance:

• Sam was anonymously called to Merlotte's only to find Daphne's dead body in the freezer. And yes, Daphne's heart was missing. Just like Miss Jeanette's was, earlier.
• Guess who sliced up a heart and served it to Tara and Eggs for dinner as a "hunter's souflée"? Maryann.
• Andy Bellefleur told the truth and no one believed him. Wait, that always happens.
• Jason and Sookie reunited.
• Definite sensuality between Eric and Godric. Seriously, when Eric dropped to his knees in front of Godric early in the episode, I was basically done. That's all I ever needed. Well maybe some nuzzling would have been nice, like if Eric had ever so gently laid his head on Godric's stomach and Godric had stroked Eric's cheek and, um, AHEM. Moving on.
• Definitely "something" between Eric and Sookie.
• Lorena got schooled. Twice.
• There was a giant showcase showdown at the church, involving everyone who's anyone. Props to Jason Stackhouse for shooting Reverend Newlin in the head (with a paintball gun), and for saying: "I've already been to heaven… I was inside your wife."

In the clip above, Godric stops what would have been a blood bath at the church showdown. I like when he says, "I'm actually older than your Jesus" all humble and calm.

The other major development involved Jessica the teen vamp attempting to lose her virginity and realizing, to her dismay, that because of her super-fast vampire healing ability, her hymen grew back after Hoyt broke it. Talk about teen angst!

And here's a question: If Godric is such an old and powerful vampire, how is the Fellowship of the Sun keeping him captive? Why doesn't he just slay mothertruckers left and right? Maybe he wants to die? And why would he give a crap about Gabe raping Sookie, since he's a Death monster and doesn't even know Sookie (clip above)?

Anyway. Among the things we witnessed, overheard and learned:

• Sam, who usually turns into a dog, turned into an owl when being chased by Beasty Maryann.
• Hoyt is a 28-year-old virgin.
• Jessica's way of dealing with Hoyt's virginity: "Just take off your pants."
• Eric cried blood tears over Godric. Romantic!
• In a fight between Jason Stackhouse and Gabe the burly bodyguard, Jason wins.
• Tara to Arlene: "Are you telling me you date-raped Terry Bellefleur?"
• At least we finally saw Godric, the vamp who made Eric a vamp, and who will hopefully inject some much-needed life into this draggy season.

So, in things are not what they seem news: When Andy was yelling at him, Lafayette saw Eric's face instead of Andy's. Is it just post-traumatic, or something Eric is doing to Lafayette? Terry comforting Lafayette was pretty great, though. (Clip above.)

Other notable moments:

• Flashback to the 1920s; Bill in a tuxedo speaking French.
• Hoyt's mom canceling his cell phone.
• Hoyt showing up at Jessica's hotel room.
• Luke calling having sex with a vampire dude the "cream de la cream of sins."
• We thought Daphne was a deer, but Daphne is a pig. Not just any pig. The pig.
• Pam to Lafayette: "You're back in business."
• Sarah Newlin to Jason Stackhouse: "How can this be wrong if it's what God's commanding me to do?"
• Sookie was a damsel in distress. AGAIN. Yawn.

• Jennifer Lopez "threw a fit" when guests were late to her 40th birthday bash:

"An Evening With Lola" was supposed to be perfect — Lola is Marc Anthony's nickname for Lopez, and she entered the party to the song "Whatever Lola Wants." Bu there were empty seats when the dinner started and Jennifer was "fuming." [Gatecrasher]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown: In the same NYC hotel for about two days. "It was just a coincidence" and they never saw each other. [NY Post]
• Jon Gosselin: "I care about Kate Major, she resigned from her job for me. Right now, my focus is on my relationship with my kids. My personal relationship is private." [E!]
• But! Jon says: "At this point ... I'm single – per se. I'm just a regular guy who just wants to have friendship and good times. And I like meeting people." Uh, what? What about Hailey Glassman? "She's always a good friend of mine. Her family is so good. They took me in and I lived there for a while. I love them to death." Okay, so are you together? "We are going to chill out for a while and see where it takes us. I'm not looking for anyone." And what about Kate 2.0? We are just friends." [People]
• Jon shopped Madison Avenue and spent $950 on one pair of shoes. [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson! Alex Rodriguez! Kissing! At Yankee Stadium! [NY Daily News]
• Were Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart forced to be apart at Comic-Con, since the focus was supposed to be on Kristen and Taylor Lautner instead? [E!]
• It's official: Nadya Suleman has signed a reality show deal and each of her 14 kids will earn $250 a day. Taping begins September 1. [Us Magazine]
• Kate Moss has signed up to be a judge on Simon Cowell's new battle of the bands show, which attempts to discover an unsigned group. [Mirror]
• Carly Simon was a surprise guest (via speakerphone) at Simon Cowell's 50th birthday on Saturday and joked that "You're So Vain" was about him. [The Sun]
• Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul are still trying to wring more money out of American Idol. [LA Times]
• David Beckham had yet another confrontation with a fan during a Los Angeles Galaxy match; this time some dude allegedly dissed Victoria. "What he was saying about my wife was a disgrace," Bekcham says. [BBC News]
• Because he doesn't have more pressing things to worry about, Amy Winehouse's father Mitch has recorded an album with some Frank Sinatra covers and his own songs. [The Sun]
• Now that they're divorced, Blake Fielder-Civil is talking about the time Amy almost died in his arms from a drug overdose. [Daily Mail]
• LeAnn Rimes and husband Dean Sheremet are separated. This news comes right after last week's Midweek Madness revelation that LeAnn and Eddie Cibrian are still having an affair. Eddie's wife says she and her husband are "taking some time apart." So make of it what you will. [Us Magazine]
• Dean's Twitter reads: "Thanks to everyone for all the support through a very difficult time!" [People]
• If you want to read some "what went wrong?" speculation about LeAnn and Dean's relationship, go ahead. [People]
• Robert Plant was in a car crash but he's okay. [Telegraph
• Orlando Bloom has decided not to appear in the next Pirates of the Caribbean film; because everything "tied up nicely for his character Will Turner." [Daily Mail]
• Farrah Fawcett left her estate — a couple of million dollars — to her son, Redmond, but nothing to her "long-term lover" Ryan O'Neal. [Daily Mail]
• PETA hearts Hayden Panettiere. [Page Six]
• BREAKING: Adrian Grenier buys drinks for ladies. [Page Six]
• Candy Spelling is communicating with Tori Spelling via TMZ now. [TMZ]
• Leslie Mann says being married to Judd Apatow has its perks: "I haven't had to audition in a while. I'm the worst auditioner ever. And no, I didn't have to audition for [Funny People]." [USA Today]
• Michael Jackson's "secret Norwegian love child" claims his mom was employed at Neverland as a nanny; while his dad was a driver. Sing: The kid is not my son. [Daily Mail]
• "Michael Jackson's strenuous rehearsal schedule was causing him to lose 5-6 pounds a day, according to his nurse Cherilyn Lee." [MSNBC]
• Ugh: Seems like Dr. Conrad Murray gave Michael Jackson Propofol, left the room, and when he returned, Michael was dead. He did CPR, but it didn't work. Paramedics wanted to pronounce MJ dead at the house but Dr. Murray wanted him taken to the hospital, where even after doctors gave up, Dr. Murray continued CPR. Strange behavior for a doc. And if all this is true then OK! had a picture of a dead body on its cover. [TMZ, TMZ]
• Dr. Tohme Tohme has revealed that he has turned over "secret" money given to him by Michael Jackson for the purchase of a home in Las Vegas. [Mirror]
• Peter Jackson says he's about 3 or 4 weeks away from turning in a draft of a script for The Hobbit. [LA Times]
• Something about Katherine Heigl and her costar's penis, in that romcom that came in well below the guinea pig movie at the box office this weekend. [E!]
• True Blood season 3 teases at the link. [EW]
• Plus! True Blood video: Anna Paquin, Alexander Skarsgård, and Stephen Moyer speaking in their real accents. [EW]
• For next year, Lost is bringing back characters from season one. "Just trust us," executive producer Carlton Cuse asks. [Reuters]
• Meet the new Real Housewife Of Atlanta: Kandi Burruss. [CNN]
• Protect your ears: Carrie Prejean sings. [TMZ]
• Javier Bardem turned down the role in Oliver Stone's Wall Street sequel, and now Josh Brolin is being offered the part. [Deadline Hollywood]
• "Is John Travolta cracking up? It's not just grief - and guilt - over his dead son that are tearing the actor apart." [Daily Mail]
• Boy George was blocked from becoming a Hare Krishna because of his homosexuality… in the late '80s. [Daily Express]
• It's too early for a Joe Francis video about bribing and girls. [TMZ]
• "Rachel Hunter is leaving Los Angeles and returning home to New Zealand to get over being dumped just weeks before her wedding," [Daily Express]
• Billy Bob Thornton's estranged daughter: Free on bail. [UPI]
• An arrest has been made in connection to the death of American Idol contestant Alexis Cohen. [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price didn't get a role as a "naturally sexy" large-breasted Irish nanny in the Sex And The City movie sequel. [The Sun]
• Retro gossip: Bob Dylan wanted to make sure he got paid when he did a screen test for Andy Warhol. [Page Six]
• HBO scored highest among 15 networks for its representation of gay characters last season, according to a report released today. [AP]
• "I've hugged those breasts. There aren't many people who can say that." — Allison Janney on Dolly Parton. [Page Six]
• "It feels really good to be able to buy a place by myself. It is time for me to move. I have lived in a condo and it's just time. I've always wanted to buy a big house myself and it is so gratifying to be able to." — Kim Kardashian. [People]
• "Surgery was a success, now I just have to let it heal. I am totally jazzed that they found the problem, fixed it and in about four months my hand will feel like I am 18 again." — Eddie Van Halen. [UPI]
• "I didn't want to act. It wasn't like I was waiting in the wings, like All About Eve. It was a refuge, and I found to my surprise that I liked these people." — Hugh Dancy. [NY Times]
• "Years ago one of my mentors, Orson Welles, told me, 'A career is made not by what you do but by what you don't do.' But so much about these past few years has been about saying yes, and it's really paid off." — Cybill Shepherd, who will play a former witch on the new ABC series Eastwick, based on The Witches Of Eastwick. [NY Times]
• "I always look at a script and say, 'Can I do my thing? Can I pop?' If it's a small part, can I pop, can I make an impact with this part? . . . I don't want to be pegged as something definitive. I want to be chameleon-like." — Kyra Sedgwick. [LA Times]
• "She's so smart we wanted her to find a cure for AIDS or something. We were pretty firm about her finishing her education but when we saw how talented she was we finally said okay." — Blythe Danner on wanting daughter Gwyneth Paltrow to do something other than acting. [Daily Express]
• "I was student council president. I even had my own office. I was a cheerleader, too. I found out about cheerleader camp and heard that there were about six guys and 3,000 girls, so I signed up. It was a precursor for a rock-and-roll career." — what Chris Isaak was like in high school. [WaPo]
• "If we're going to do a Rescue Me movie, and I joked about this a couple of years ago when they brought it up … and I said, 'What if we do a Rescue Me movie, so it's the Rescue Me cast, but they're not firefighters and it's a zombie movie.' And they were like, 'What?' And I was like: 'How cool would that be? It's the Rescue Me cast, but it's a zombie movie.' And they were like, 'No.' And I was like, 'Well, that's the only way I'm doing it.' Like 'Shaun of the Dead, like a funny, real scary zombie movie. … They didn't go for it." — Denis Leary. [UPI]
• "No one in my family watches it. My wife, my mum, my sisters; they've never watched it. I don't think it even occurs to them." — Dominic West, on The Wire. [Telegraph]
• "The No. 1 demographic of high school dropouts are Latino women. I know there are economic factors for why young Latinos are so undereducated, but it also starts with what we place importance on as a culture. We have to empower the next generation to accept education as a way up, and I believe you have to start with the women so they can pass it on to their kids." — America Ferrara, at a commencement speech for Kaplan University. [UPI]
• "I kicked some major butt. It was many, many, hours, days, and months of stunt training and strength training, but it's fun because I had a goal. The goal was the Lycra catsuit." — Scarlett Johansson on preparing for her "unforgiving" Black Widow costume. [People]

Godric made Eric. Which is why Eric is so intent on finding Godric. And Godric is a vamp who looks like a tattooed, emo little boy, so we're obviously looking forward to that. What else?


A few things:

• Doe, a deer, Daphne is a deer.
• Arlene and Terry. Did they or didn't they? Are they or aren't they?
• "You didn't say not to order off the menu. You are going to be so sorry when I get an eating disorder." — Jessica.
• The thing that Maryann did to Tara to make her life miserable while she was working at the bar? I'm pretty sure Maryann has done that to me once or twice.
• Sarah Newlin giving Jason Stackhouse a soapy handjob in the bath: "God wants you to have a reward."

The vampire leaders are voracious and vain; in one of this season's most darkly funny scenes, one of them dismembers a man while getting foil highlights, then frets about the blood in his hair.

Underlying much antigay literature is the unspoken assumption that homosexuality, while disgusting, is also unbearably tempting. And so, in True Blood, is sex with vampires. Sookie aside, those who crave it are somewhat pathetic-they're referred to, derisively, as fangbangers. Human-vampire carnality is often rough and humiliating. When there is love involved, it's laced with darkness, tragedy, and pain.

Although it's true that the show has a camp quality, so do many types of entertainment. None of the characters are all good or all bad; all of the characters vacillate between making wise and poor decisions. But as for the idea that the hedonistic world is some kind of ring-winger's nightmare, my response is: I'd much rather watch that than a right-winger's dream.

Vampire Conservatives [The Daily Beast]