In fact, I can't imagine an instance when a man (or someone who was at one time a man) would prefer to be referred to as such when he's dressed as a woman, unless your interaction is taking place in a frat house.

Plus, in instances of androgyny, I think we should ask ourselves why knowing someone's gender is so important to us. Of course, we are most comfortable when we know and can thus put someone neatly into a category and make the necessary assumptions based thereon, but if this is someone you're just meeting, why do you even need to know? Just refer to them as their first name in speaking about them.

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When he first told me he was considering transitioning, I was shocked, not because of what he was doing, but because I really had no idea what kind of issues transfolk deal with. I think it's been an amazing opportunity for me to educate myself, and I'm really grateful that he chose me as a part of his support.

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But remembering to call him by his proper name and use the right pronouns? Yeesh. I always felt so embarrassed when I'd accidentally call him *old female name* instead of *new male name*, or use "her" or "she" in conversation. Granted, I've known him since high school, and he was understanding, but I still felt like a jerkface.

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