Jezebel: Toys

Blockbusters

Sadie — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:45:00 EDT

Here's exactly what your small child should be playing with: an Amy Winehouse Lego. For its 30th anniversary, the plastic brick-manufacturer has decided to render Winehouse, Madge, Posh, Brangelina and other such wholesome staples of contempo culture in boxy plastic. Although maybe the most horrifying things we've ever seen, the Legos are for some reason uncannily recognizable and one can only imagine the fun they'll have frolicking in Lego mansions and rehab centers. Sadly, the figures are not actually available to the public, so you're gonna have to keep teasing that Cabbage Patch's beehive to meet your daughter's proto-US needs. [WOW Report]

Barbie Sales Flatten Worldwide -- Are Bratz & Miss Bimbo To Blame?

Jessica — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:30:00 EDT

Several financial news outlets are discussing Mattel's falling first-quarter results, and most place the blame squarely on the slim shoulders of a certain doll named Barbie. Barbie, which was introduced in 1959, is now first-runner-up for the under-12 set, in part because of competition from edgier, increasingly-popular brands like Bratz and Hannah Montana dolls and in part because of the emergence of web-based toys. According to Portfolio, "Children want Web-based toys, and they want them at younger and younger ages" the magazine cites the success of interactive toys like Webkinz, and let's not forget the potential pleasures of Miss Bimbo). But the real reason Portfolio believes that Barbie is no longer the reigning beauty queen in toy world is because "at 49, Barbie is becoming obsolete."

Mattel is doing everything in its power to fight Barbie's increasing obsolescence. The Wall Street Journal reports that, in order to combat its "rare quarterly loss" — unlike last year, sales of Barbie flattened both inside and outside of the United States — Mattel is ramping up web-related offerings and is going to start charging a small subscription fee for its Barbie Girl website, which offers games, videos, chats and "digital extras". It's also experimenting with more interactive products — which aren't guaranteed successes. According to the Journal, "The recent Magic of the Rainbow, a fantasy doll marketed under the Barbie brand, doubled as a remote control, came with a CD-ROM game and featured wings that fluttered at the push of a button. 'Girls asked — is this a doll?' said [Chuck] Scothon [senior vice president of Mattel's girls division]. 'We put too much in.'"

[Image via Wilde Designs Etsy Shop]

Barbie: Where The Girls Aren't [Portfolio] As Barbie Sales Fall, Mattel Looks To Simplify Its Iconic Line [WSJ]

Earlier: New Game Encourages Young Girls To Embrace Their Inner "Bimbo"

New Game Encourages Young Girls To Embrace Their Inner "Bimbo"

Jessica — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 09:40:00 EDT

There's a new game in England and France for girls ages 9 to 16, and it's so raunchy it makes Bratz dolls look positively Pollyanna-ish. Called "Miss Bimbo", the game is essentially an online competition in which each registered player is given a "Bimbo" all her own to take care of — sort of like those Tamagotchi pets, but, well, not. According to Miss Bimbo rules, the goal of the game is to make your Bimbo the " the hottest of hot Bimbos," which involves dating "that famous hottie," becoming a "socialite and skyrocket[ing] to the top of fame and popularity," and even resorting "to meds or plastic surgery", because girls should "Stop at nothing to become the reigning bimbo!" According to CNN, "Breast implants sell at 11,500 bimbo dollars and net the buyer 2,000 bimbo attitudes, making her more popular on the site."

Parents are understandably up in arms over the game, which, after a launch last month, has, at the time of this writing, 204,714 "registered Bimbos." Bill Hibbard, a member of the parents' rights group ParentKind, tells the Guardian, "It is one thing if a child recognises it as a silly and stupid game. But the danger is that a nine-year-old fails to appreciate the irony and sees the bimbo as a cool role model. Then the game becomes a hazard and a menace. Children's innocence should be protected as far as possible. It depends on the background and mindset of the child but the danger is that after playing the game some will then aspire to have breast operations and take diet pills."

Miss Bimbo, at first glance, is free for registrants, but when players run out of virtual bimbo money, they are given the option to buy Bimbo text messages which cost £1.50 ($2.99) per message and give players extra dollars to spend on their Bimbos. A French man has already sued Miss Bimbo's Gallic sister site after his daughter ran up a text message bill of over £100 ($199).

As for the creators of Miss Bimbo, well, the game's 23-year-old creator Nicolas Jacquart tells the Times of London, "The game is structured in such a way that it simply mirrors real life in a tongue-in-cheek way. It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos." He continues: "The missions and goals for the bimbos are morally sound and teach children about the real world. If they eat too much chocolate in the game, it is bad for their bimbos' bodies and their happiness levels compared to if they eat fruit and vegetables, which reinforces positive healthy eating messages.The breast operations are just one part of the game and we are not encouraging young girls to have them." Maybe we should teach Jacquart a lesson through the patented Jezebel justice system. Perhaps some time cleaning bed pans on an eating disorder ward would do the trick?

Alarm As Dolls Get Breast Implants In 'Miss Bimbo' Game [CNN]
Internet Miss Bimbo Game For Girls Attacked By Parents [Guardian]
Miss Bimbo Website Promotes Extreme Diets And Surgery To 9-Year-Olds [Times of London]

Bowwow Wow

Dodai — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:45:00 EDT

Another fun, kooky Japanese gadget to covet: "Oshaburi" toys are kind of like pacifiers for your pet. They're chew toys, but with funny mouths on one side, turning your Lab into a Looney Toon. Four different designs, hours of fun. Unless you have one of those dogs who destroys everything. Then it's more like 3 minutes of fun. (Click to see more pictures.) [InventorSpot]

Plastic & Fantastic

Dodai — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:45:00 EDT

Did you celebrate yesterday? It was Barbie's birthday! Launched in 1959, Barbie was controversial from the beginning: She was one of the first dolls for little girls with breasts, and her proportions (36 inch bust, 18 inch waist) were rather unrealistic. (Her waist was widened in 1992.) Author Peggy Orenstein, who's written extensively about issues affecting girls, tells NPR, "You either see her as the embodiment of oppressive, Teutonic standards of beauty, or you see her as all that is good and sweet and innocent about your childhood. But you can't not have a relationship with Barbie." (Like many, we like to torture her.) Still, with Bratz and Strutz and whatnot, Barbie seems downright pretty and old-fashioned these days. And homegirl looks good for 49. [NPR, Babble]

These are "Strutz," new pony dolls coming ...

Moe — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:20:00 EST

These are "Strutz," new pony dolls coming to a big box discount retailer near you. Aren't they a curious combination of anorexic and cleavage-y? That is the first rule of selling toys to four year old girls: making them subtly slutty is never going to do the job. How are we supposed to get our little girls to play with Legos in the face of crap like this? Thanks to veteran State Department hairdo watcher Princess Sparkle Pony for tipping us off to this new brand of toy "whorses" young Condi's parents would have protected her from seeing. [Princess Sparkle Pony]

Toy Story

Dodai — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 09:45:00 EST

The CEO of Lego claims the building block company has trouble conquering the chicks. "We'll never stop trying," Jorgen V. Knudstorp says. "I think there is something that genetically skews us towards boys, but we can do better." The company will launch an online Lego Universe next year, hoping to appeal to children who spend more time online and less time playing with basic toys these days. But, Knudstorp claims, "There is something about the idea of constructing and deconstructing or destroying which frankly is an important part of Lego play that is a very boys-type of activity." Having a girlhood that involved plenty of Lego, this writer begs to differ. And guess what? It wasn't pink. Anyone else? [Reuters]

The Miracle Of Life

Dodai — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 14:20:00 EST

Reader Jesslyn emailed us with a link to Babyland General Hospital. Remember Cabbage Patch Kids? Do you remember how they came into this world? The little suckers were "born" out of the recesses of leafy vegetation. On a farm. And "due to an unexpected frost," there were preemies. And the preemies lived in little incubators until you adopted them. Is any of this creepy to anyone else? If not, wait 'til you hear about My Little Placenta™. Kidding! [Cabbage Patch Kids Official Website]

In 2008, Baking Is Still For Girls, Air Guitar Is For Boys

Dodai — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:30:00 EST

The Toy Fair is in town (New York, that is) and the new crap they dished out for the kiddies on the Today show this morning was sucktastic! Or maybe just retro? Girls will be able to learn "social responsibility" (whatever the fuck that is) from a talking dollhouse. Or they can make cupcakes! Meanwhile, the boys get battle brawlers with "fun action," Clone Trooper helmets and some kind of rockin' air guitar belt buckle (playing "air guitar" sort of looks like "jerking off" but whatevs.) Don't worry girls: You can also create a digital runway show starring everyone's favorite stacked blonde with oh-so-realistic proportions... Barbie! Clip above.

Mane Attraction

Dodai — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 13:45:00 EST

Hasbro's My Little Pony brand is twenty-five years old, and celebrating all year long: The company started a program called "The My Little Pony Project: 25 Ponies for 25 Years," which invites celebs, fashion designers, artists and kids to design a collection of 25-one-of-a-kind ponies. What is it about MLP? The hair, the twinkle in the eye, the sparkle on the ass? Fucking adorable. Ponies FTW. [Marketing Daily]

Little Boys Cook Up Controversy

dodai — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:00:00 EST

William Baston is a 6-year-old boy whose favorite toy is his play kitchen, according to an AP story on CNN's website today. When his mother, Mary, bought him a kitchen set before he could walk, his father, Alan, "rolled his eyes". "I said, 'What are you thinking? Look at all the male chefs,'" Mary explains. Alan, who enjoys cooking, came around quickly when he saw how much fun his son had with the kitchen. So yeah, more men cook and do housework than ever, and according to Robert J. Thompson, director of the Bleier Center for Television and Popular Culture at Syracuse University, TV shows like Iron Chef, Emeril Live and The Restaurant have "defeminized the kitchen." You mean little boys won't turn into girls if they pretend to fry an egg? Phew!

Here's a question: How come if boys play at "cooking," the word "chef" immediately gets thrown around? Not "short order cook" or "self-sufficient" or even "dad." Meanwhile, little girls are are not "chefs" if they cook, but they are encouraged to do the laundry, arrange furniture and have "room to grow" — as long as that room has an oven in it.

Toy Kitchens For Boys? [CNN]
Earlier: Rose Petal Cottage: Where You Can Literally Place Little Girls Into A Box

Toy Story

dodai — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:45:00 EST

In a focus group conducted in the UK by toy manufacturer Martin Yaffe, children were invited to play with what are expected to be this year's popular Christmas toys. Seven out of 10 girls chose to play with toys "designed for boys." The girls preferred Bob The Builder Snap Trax to Barbie and Bratz. Of course, a spokeswoman at the toy company is thrilled, saying, "It seems that stereotypes... no longer apply — opening up a whole new element of choice for parents when shopping for their daughters this Christmas!" Unfortunately, there's no word on whether any boys liked Barbie or Bratz. Also: Maybe the Bob The Builder set — with working car wash! — is just more fun? [The F Word]

Rose Petal Cottage: Where You Can Literally Place Little Girls Into A Box

Tracie — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 16:30:00 EDT

Today's Broadsheet column in Salon alerted us to the existence of Playskool's new Rose Petal Cottage. It's not like we're against cooking and doing the laundry (although we don't engage in the latter nearly as often as we should) or shit that's girlie and pink. But we find ourselves really fucking annoyed/creeped out by this toy, which is part of Playskool's Dreamtown collection. The playhouse — which can be filled with a sink, an oven, a laundry machine, a cradle — is aimed at little girls with the tag line, "Where dreams have room to grow." (The clip above incorporates two commercials, one for little girls, and one for their moms.) All we're saying is that there could be a little more balance among the choices Dreamtown offers little girls, so that it accurately reflects life as a woman. After all, when these kids grow up, they're going to realize that cooking and cleaning aren't so much dreams as nightmares.

Related: Home-Decorating Dreams [Salon]

An Alternative To Bratz? Jesus Christ!

Dodai — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 16:59:38 EDT

We all sort of agree that Bratz dolls are a wee bit skanky. Guess what? There's an antidote to the fishnet-wearin', pouty-puckered little wenches, thank the Lord. No, really. Thank Him! Because instead of playing with mini-skirted, ethnically ambiguous baby bimbos, kids can play with a chick who got pregnant but swears she never had sex. Her name's Mary! CNN reports that Wal-Mart is testing bible action figures. Because some of the toys they make today? Holy crap!

'If you're very religious, it's a battle for your children's minds and what they're playing with and pretending. There are remakes out there of Satan and evil things.'

So says David Socha, the CEO of toy company One2believe. So, in certain markets, customers will be able to choose from fun stuff like a tiny version of the aforementioned famously knocked-up girl with her baby and baby daddy; a 12-inch talking Jesus and a muscular 13-inch Samson. It would be super cool if you could cut Samson's hair, but lo, it's made of plastic. Damn.
Wal-Mart To Test Bible Action Figures in 425 Stores [CNNMoney]
Earlier: The Unsluttification of Bratz