• Kate Gosselin's lawyer, Mark Momjian, claims that Jon Gosselin is earning money outside of the family's TLC show and that Kate is entitled to a piece of it, especially after Jon drained the couple's joint bank account. [Radar]

• "We can't specifically verify whether he is getting paid but we think he is. The only person that can answer that is Jon Gosselin. We suspect he is though," Momjian says, "He was on TV [Inside Edition] saying he's always making money and that he has money. For that, we take him at his word!" [Radar]
• Meanwhile, Jon Gosselin's lawyer, Mark Heller, a lawyer from New York who can only practice law in Pennsylvania if an in-state lawyer sponsors him, as just had his sponsorship withdrawn, which means Jon might be lawyerless for the moment. Did I mention that Jon's lawyer was also suspended from practicing law in NY for 5 years "for a variety of misdeeds?" Is this real life? Seriously? Could you cast this thing any better/worse? [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse has reportedly received breast implants in preparation for her "comeback" appearance on the British television show Strictly Come Dancing. [Mirror]
• Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are more than just friends; they're actually distant cousins, descended from "a bricklayer who came to the U.S. from England in the 1630s and settled in Ipswich." [USAToday]
• Ellen DeGeneres has been preparing for her new stint as an American Idol judge by watching past seasons on DVD. "Ellen and Portia have been watching old seasons on DVD to see how the judges interact with contestants and audience," says a source. [ShowbizSpy]
• Megan Fox's dog was diagnosed with pneumonia, but is on antibiotics and is recovering. [TMZ]
• In other celebrity dog news, Brooke Burns' lost dog was "found by Brooke's groomer's client's neighbor." It's a long story. [TMZ]
• And in even more puppy news, Michael Jackson's children were so moved by the sight of a two-legged dog they saw on television that they decided to raise funds for the pup in order to buy it prosthetic legs. [TMZ]
• "I remember having to make conversation with Michael Jackson. That had to be one of the freakiest moments of my life . . . he wasn't quite the figure he's become today, but still, I remember even then, staring at his nose, and it was all about, 'Don't Stare at His Nose.'"- Hank Azaria, on working with Michael Jackson on The Simpsons. [PageSix]
• Michael Jackson's high school yearbook shows that he was voted "Best Dressed," "Most Creative," and "Shyest." [ONTD]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are reportedly "dreading" the upcoming New Moon promotional blitz they'll both have to go on soon: "Rob and Kristen love the acting; but they hate everything else - the publicity and hype - that goes with the Twilight franchise," says a source. [ShowbizSpy]
• "I could be the most boring mentor since Mariah Carey. God bless her, she's ace. But all she said was, 'That's great. God bless you'."-Robbie Williams on his upcoming guest spot on The X Factor. [TheSun]
• "I think the reason I write about love so much is because I have no idea what is going on with love. It's unpredictable and I haven't figured it out yet."- Taylor Swift [ShowbizSpy]
• Billy Mays' son, Billy Mays II, says he was proud of his late father's "appearance" as a ghost on the season premiere of South Park. [TMZ]
• Alicia Keys is designing her own line of handmade jewelry, called "The Barber's Creations." Each piece comes with an "engraved with a message of hope." [DailyExpress]
• Oh, lord: the wives and girlfriends of all Yankee players have been banned from talking shit about Kate Hudson after Derek Jeter's girlfriend, Minka Kelly's "coldness" toward Hudson was revealed on Page Six. "The Yankees told the girls to be careful who they spoke to about Kate," says a source, "They are concerned about the ramifications for the players." [PageSix]
• Marvel is currently in talks to produce a Spider-Man spin-off film, centered around Spidey's nemesis, Venom. Topher Grace, who played Venom in 2007's Spider-Man 3, is not expected to play the lead in the spin-off. [DailyExpress]
• "I could see myself working with [director Frank Miller] again but, I don't know. Graphic novels are things that I wouldn't do a lot of, so I would have to really choose carefully before I did. At one point, he talked to me about one of the Sin City [films], and we discussed that. There's a kind of cool character I think in the third one, but it was all very kind of soft talk."- Gerard Butler[JustJared]
• Katy Perry and Russell Brand are apparently getting serious, as Perry told her fans via Twitter that she wasn't posting as often because she'd fallen "in a love K-hole." [TheSun]
• It's weird. I watched a bunch of movies from the 70s with my girlfriend recently and I felt so sort of sweet after each movie. And it was like, 'What is that?', and she said, 'None of the movies were snarky.' The absence of snark was such a delightful change. So, I don't know, I'm a fan of non-snarky things."- Demetri Martin [Guardian]
• Gene Simmons says the only way to survive in rock for over 40 years is to avoid alcohol and drugs: "The only way to do it is no booze, no drugs . . . If you are not clean, you don't belong up there. I've never been drunk or high in my life. The only way to survive the long haul is to be straight-nosed. I've been here for four decades." He recommends sex as an alternative, btw. [PageSix]
• Blues musician Abu Talib, perhaps better known as Freddy Robinson has died at the age of 70. [Yahoo]
• Britney Spears' former boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, has pleaded "no contest" to leaving the scene of an accident after hitting a man; the man was attempting to serve Ghalib with a restraining order, and apparently jumped on the hood of Ghalib's car to stop him, but Ghalib kept driving. [NYTimes]
• Los Angeles prosecutors wrote a letter to the California Second District Court of Appeal, asking that Roman Polanski's request for an appeal, filed before his recent arrest, be denied, as "the issues he presented no longer apply." [Yahoo]
• Nicolas Cage allegedly owes 6.3 million dollars in back taxes. [People]
• Blind Item: "Warner Brothers studio almost fired which young actor after he lost lots of weight and was therefore totally unsuitable for his role in a film series? A compromise was reached when they got him some prosthetics." [BlindGossip]
• "What's left to wish for? A number one album would be good. And to have a movie made of the book, maybe with Johnny Depp playing me - I'd like that. But, really, I'd like to go back in time and make better choices. Still, I know now that there is no such place as Utopia. Even if I do make it to heaven, you can bet your life the toilet will stink."-Ozzy Osbourne [ShowbizSpy]
• And finally, good morning! Here's a picture of Paris Hilton, kissing a chimpanzee. [DailyMail]

[Image via INFDaily.]

• George Michael was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence yesterday after driving his car into the side of a truck. According to a police spokeswoman, he was "later released without charge" after five hours in police custody. [E!]

• Michael seemed "seemed completely disorientated, like he had no idea what was going on," says Laurie Rowe, the driver of the truck Michael hit, "He looked totally dazed and even tried to climb into the cab of my lorry. He kept saying he was worried he would go to jail." Luckily, both drivers were able to walk away from the crash. [DailyMail]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin were spotted together yesterday, along with their children, just a day after the couple had a "blowout" fight over Jon's babysitter choices that resulted in Kate being removed from the family's home by the police. [USMagazine]
• Meanwhile, Hailey Glassman says Jon Gosselin is her "first love" and that she's not in it for the publicity: "I'm not some famewhore," she says, "I've been in hiding for three months. Do I choose my life or do I choose Jon? I stay in my house with my parents where I feel safe. Take my 15 minutes, you can have it back. Please take it back!" [USWeekly]
• Jerry Seinfeld will be the first guest on Jay Leno's new show. [Reuters]
• Robert Pattinson is reportedly "comforting" Camilla Belle after her breakup with Joe Jonas. "They've been on the phone every night," says a source, "They sit and talk for hours on end, just making each other laugh. He also sends her sweet little text messages throughout the day." [ShowbizSpy]
• An arrest warrant has been issued for Bobby Brown, who allegedly has failed to pay child support for two of his children. [Reuters]
• Mila Kunis has happy memories of her former That 70's Show male costars: "[Ashton] Kutcher used to help me with my science homework. Wilmer [Valderrama] taught me to drive. Topher [Grace] talked about movies all the time. And Danny [Masterson] took me to my first club and bought me my first drink. He was my prom date, too." [PageSix]
• Brad Pitt says he quit smoking pot once he became a dad: "I certainly had my day. Now it kind of turns me into a doughnut," he says, "I'm a dad now. You want to be alert and my eyes used to glaze over when I did that." [DailyMail]
• Ugh: the crypt directly above Marilyn Monroe's is being auctioned off on Ebay by a widow who plans to move her husband's remains in order to "pay off the $1 million mortgage on her Beverly Hills home." [TheSun]
• Hugh Grant says he's considering retirement due to a severe case of stage fright: "In recent years, I've had really bad attacks, where I totally freeze up," he says, "I thought, 'Well, if I'm going to get stage fright, then I'm packing it in.'" [DailyExpress]
• Rachel McAdams ran into Antonio Sabato, Jr. on the set of Today, when both of them were promoting new projects, and was a bit starstruck. "Rachel was blushing and told Antonio she had the biggest crush on him in high school," says a source. Sabato returned the compliment by sending McAdams a bouquet of flowers. [PageSix]
• Charlize Theron hopes to have a big family someday: "I just know I'm going to have five boys." [TheSun]
• Cybill Shepherd says she left Elvis Presley after realizing that his drug addiction was out of control: "He said, 'Here, take these,' and he had pills in his hands and I said, 'Aren't you gonna take some of them?' and he said, 'Well, I've already had mine. He was almost already asleep and I went and flushed them down the toilet, returned his emerald and diamond ring and just said, 'Thankyou, but I can't.'" [DailyExpress]
• Lady Gaga gets fairly naked and kisses a woman in her new video. Apparently this is still considered "controversial." In 2009. [DailyMail]
• Hilary Duff has traveled to Bogota, Colombia, in order to distribute 3,000 backpacks filled with food to poor children via her Blessings in a Backpack program. [NYTimes]
• "If a girl wears a short skirt or dress, men automatically think, 'She wants it, and she's probably an animal in bed.' I just want to feel sexy today. I don't want you." -Amber Rose [PageSix]
• M.C. Hammer says he's planning a "companion" piece to Please, Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em. The album, called "Don't Hurt Em", will "capture again the very essence and vibes of 'Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em,' but updated with the sonic quality of today ... There'll be a lot of parallels between the two, but certainly it'll be very 2010." That's all well and good, but when are we going to get an Addams Family Groove remix!? [Reuters]

MOE: I've really been thinking hard about how losing weight could stave off a foot amputation
MEGAN: HAHAHA
MOE:Maybe this is a big problem in the other America I've been hearing about. People get so fat, they lose their immune system, but only in their feet, and they can't feel it when the flesh eating bacteria start eating away at them because they are so sedentary and so lazy on top of being sedentary that they never peel off their socks to see what's down there. I am that lazy.
MEGAN: indeed
Also, i worked on a conference at APEC. there's no really good evidence that preventative care saves money. the theory is that it staves off morbidity, which it does, and reduced the amount of end-of-life car. but in a society that lets you retire at 65, it ends up costing the economy, actually
so, barack's argument that it's a moral responsibility is better
and what he just said it correct about electronic medical records

MOE:That's a really good point. New York City supposedly has a higher lifespan than the rest of the country, which I attribute almost wholly to the fact that no one except me seems to have a sedentary lifestyle here because it's definitely not the higher rates of smoking, drinking and the contagious diseases they ought to be exposed to, but the insurance premiums here have got to be the highest in the country...anyway, that's gotta be what Brandy's talking about right now, yeah?

MEGAN: they are. also, there are some crazy reasons for that. like, that the state government requires that every person in a state-regulated insurance plan must be covered for tubal ligation reversal

MOE:But over the long run preventative care will be a cost saver, because people are, realistically, going to stop retiring at 65. I actually think the tremendous amount of paranoia our generation has about aging — how to age smart, how to keep your brain from deteriorating, the importance of exercise etc. etc. — will make us better, thriftier agers. I could be wrong though.
My own parents, after dealing with their parents, have mercifully promised to shoot themselves the minute they show symptoms of dementia.

MEGAN: Ha. Well, that's one way.
I mean, there's a real question of whether eliminating preventable disease actually reduced health care costs. like, it obviously reduces early death (function of government?) but, if you live longer, are you, in the ender, sicker less? i mean, we used to think that smokers weren't a drain on the system because they died earlier/faster, but that's untrue. so, don't sell me on preventative care because it "saves" money. sell me on it because it's why i pay fucking taxes.

MOE:Obama just did something kind of genius there
MEGAN: totally
MOE:Where he was like "Look, the only reason I am bringing up the fact that you've talked out of both sides of your mouth there is to point out that it's a difficult issue politically..."
MEGAN: is every fucking actor in hollywood in that audience?
HAHAHA, the democratic debates are brought to you by the coal companies!!
MOE:Subtext: that is not something that Miss Points Scorer here would acknowledge to y'all....
MEGAN: she got a little of her own, but she needs to watch herself be smug on camera and then not do it anymore. she needs tyra

MOE:oooh commercial break! fun fact: I have three of those environmentally friendly lightbulbs they're advertising at use in my house. I got them for free at a taping of Martha Stewart featuring BILL CLINTON. I went with Jennie. Jennie went crazy.
MEGAN: i bought one at ikea. it gave me a headache
MOE:I think I would like HIllary a lot more if she looked like she was actually listening to him as opposed to smirking contemptuously. He's very good with the writing down notes while she's talking thing.
MEGAN: Whoa, great start to the answer on that dynasty thing... but then she was like, no one has an advantage? Please.
MEGAN: like, i was really impressed when i started typing
AND NOW SHE'S CITING HER HUSBAND'S ACHIEVEMENTS. and i really wanted to like that answer
MOE: I'm surprised she knocked GHWB. For one thing, they didn't...uh...really "clean up." I mean, Bill didn't even have to change Fed chairmen! But it was also funny after Bill promised to send GHWB out as a goodwill ambassador the day she gets elected or whatever.
MEGAN: ha, yes, that was bad
MOE:But anyway, she just sort of conflicted herself. You know what she should have done?
MEGAN: she should've stuck the the spirit of her first 30 seconds?
and not gone for the easy applause line?
MOE:She should have said, "It is a shame, but George W. Bush was nothing like his father, and I think history will agree that he fell drastically short of him. I, on the other hand, intend to be an even better president than my husband."
MEGAN: that would've been awesome
MOE:Yeah, it really would have. And I'd sit up, and I'd fucking believe it, too, because she doesn't get carried away. Reading that story today about his little jaunt to Kazakhstan was like...whooooah dude. You really do not think beyond the moment.
Did you read that story?
MEGAN: no, i was a little occupied.
MOE:Ughhhhhh.
"Senator Clinton, that was a swipe at you." "Really?"
MEGAN: Maxine Waters is the Congresswoman for a good part of actual Hollywood, btw
MOE:Right i think I voted for her once
MEGAN: i applied for a job with her, and she never returned my call
MOE: Topher Grace
God imagine the AFTERPARTIES
MOE:oh my GOD Obama tells the girls they'll get a dog if he wins
HOW COULD YOU VOTE AGAINST HIM TUESEDAY
MEGAN: Those little girls do need a puppy
MOE:THE GIRLS NEED THEIR DOG
it would be stinky and snore-y just like daddy!
MEGAN: i wanna puppy. if barack promises me a puppy, i'll vote for him
dude, barry looks like he's falling asleep right now i felt the same way
MOE:Oh man. He really does.
I should send them some adderall. Can't one of his kids get a prescription?

MEGAN: look at the blinking!! he's a bored as the rest of us!!
MOE:This is a reeeeeeally civil debate. And civil = boring. GOP debates are sooooo much funner.
MEGAN: sadly
wolf just called hills naive though
MOE:One thing I appreciate about the debates is new commercials. I can't decide which regular CNN commercials are more annoying. There's the Macbook Air commercial, the New York Times weekender commercial, this commercial for... an insurance company or something that has this whiney song that sounds like it's by Sarah MacLachlan... oh yeah, and the fucking JUNO commercial that never ceases. Are the old folks who watch CNN all day really interested in seeing Juno like seven times? Bc otherwise I don't geti t.

MEGAN: fuck, watched fox news all week. every commercial break has an "invest in gold" commercial
MOE:Aaaah the HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
"if you can't control your husband now, what about when you're in office" HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
MEGAN: her laugh isn't so bad
MOE:It's just still really forced and GRATUITOUS.
MEGAN: hillary is proud of her spouse?
wait, Josh from the West Wing? Fran Drescher?
MOE:Oooooh, Fran Drescher? There's no picture of her. But I'm saving a pic of West Wing dude who is married to Jane Kazmarek from Malcolm In The Middle and naming it westwingdude.jpg.
Anyway, dear Hillary, this is the part where you say: "Look, my husband. I've been with him eighty years or whatever. He goes off sometimes. He's a man. I tend to be more careful when I speak. We're different people. But we've made each other better over time and that will only continue."
She could use a little Michelle coaching.
MEGAN: Please, Hillary doesn't want any more Yes-people in the White House? Is she not going to hire everyone in her Senate office or on her campaign staff?

MOE:Hahaha I just went to Perez Hilton to see if he had any JUICY CELEB DEBATE pix up. And he has a post that says "Are you watching the debate? Click for a recap here" And I was sooooo hoping to click for the Perez liveblog, but it was just a boring CNN story.

MEGAN: awwww
ooh, ooh, chelsea's dress!! so cute!
MOE:SHIT. I missed it.
describe!
MEGAN: it was a navy blue shirt dress, probs cotton, with big buttons, a-line skirt
MOE:there's a pic on the AP
MEGAN: it's cute, right? also, i love her colorist. props to her colorist
MOE:i need an appointment with her colorist. I have $400 from the stimulus package!
MOE:So Bill Bennett declared victory for Hillary. I didn't see that? Is it my mulatto-colored glasses??
MEGAN: Or it's Bill Bennett?
MOE:Aaaaaaah sick premature infant what is this???? Turning off the CNN.
MEGAN: gah!
Yes
MOE:Obviously I am just using my racism as an excuse for my misogyny, but is it working?
MEGAN: oh, i dunno. i've had a bottle of wine i know that you're kidding
MOE:Good, that's good you know that I'm kidding. I have to stop watching this sickly infant program.
MEGAN: STOP! the daily show is on!
MOE:AAAAAAAAH