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New York, 8:12 AM
Mon Dec 7
18 posts in the last 24 hours

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12/06/09
I grew up outside Philly and went to high school in NJ--both heavily populated with Italian-Americans and Irish-Americans. My husband is a Guido from Queens--wore the Christ head pendant on the gold rope chain, had the big poufy hair, the "dems, dese and dose" accent, all of it. He's as Italian-American as the day is long.
I love the whole package. I imprinted on it early.
Sure this show is cheesy and traffics in certain stereotypes--hello, reality TV. Does "The Real Housewives of Orange County" do the same? Yes. So does Bridezillas, Tool Academy, and Rock of Love.
It's demography raised *almost* to the level of mimicry. But not crossing the line, I don't feel. Italian-Americans are pretty darn assimilated, and I don't think this show will kick off a round of "Guido Bashing" or something similarly perilous.
I really don't see the reason for the outrage. Italians were a maligned minority in America during the early waves of their immigration--as were the Irish, around the same time. They have, however, since become quite mainstream. Most people today would be shocked to hear that it was even hard for Italians to get jobs back then, that's how assimilated they are.
So I don't think 12 or so over-groomed knuckleheads are going to reverse that progress in any way. Are the poster boys and girls for the Italian-Americans? No. But that's not their obligation.
12/06/09
In addition the law enforcement response to sexual assaults puts victims in an uncomfortable spotlight in which they feel blamed in a way that victims of robbery, burglary, auto theft do not.
Unfortunately we can't stop what we don't acknowledge. I don't see social perception of rape changing any time soon.
And so I take the very, very unpopular stance that potential victims of sexual assault (particularly young women -- statistically so) MUST live with and acknowledge the reality that they are likely to be victimized in some way and they MUST learn how to avoid being victimized. You must learn to live in the REAL while fighting for the IDEAL.
Unfortunately we want to believe that predators don't exist so we are not prey. But the smart doe acknowledges that the wolves are out there.
I highly recommend Gavin deBecker's books The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift as required reading for everyone. You have intuition for a reason, learn not to overrule it in an attempt to be the polite young person that your parents insisted you be. That polite young person is more helpless than the doe in the meadow.
Fight for change in society. Fight for change in the perception of rape and other sexual assault crimes. But most of all learn to fight for your own safety until that change comes.
And change will come. Nowadays the street hassle I endured as a young teen girl is considered a danger and the police will look for guys driving around contacting young kids walking to school. Back then they couldn't care less. But times have changed.
Stay safe out there my young Athenas and Dianas and Aphrodites.
And young men need to know these things too.
12/06/09
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12/06/09
07:11 AM
If you had read my entire post you would see that I advocate to change the system and cite one example in which that has helped to change society's attitudes and law enforcement's actions and reactions to common street hassle. That a 12 year old or 14 year old can call the police and tell them she was followed home from school and have law enforcement turn out en mass to try to find the predator that hassled her and having the schools warn the kids to be on the lookout and warn parents too is an enormous change just in my lifetime.
Keep working to change the system and keep working to keep yourself self are my two messages.
Your response to them is neither new, edgy or unpopular it is merely a kneejerk reaction that I knew at least one person would have when I wrote what I wrote.
WORK toward the IDEAL and LIVE in REALITY. By taking responsibility for your safety rather than relying on the kindness of strangers hopefully you will not be any kind of victim.
You lock the door of your home, don't you? Why would not take simple precautions to stay as safe as possible otherwise as well?
I also advocate that friends look out for one another. If you and your friends go out together then take care of one another. Don't leave your one very drunk girlfriend behind to find her way home alone. Sure she should be safe. But no one will blame you more than yourself if she comes home after having been assaulted or worse yet, doesn't come home at all.
And, if a woman or man is sexually assaulted the last thing in the world I would think of doing is blaming them. I would think they did the best they could to be safe and someone else the did best he (or she) did to harm them and the criminal is to blame for the crime.
But have it your way. What do I know other than studying psychology and biogenetics and sociopathic behavior for some years and worked with victims of trauma and met a few criminals that were incarcerated and in the process of being "re-educated". One of my college professors worked with one of her incarcerated "clients" for four years to get him to feel a little bit sorry for the family of the complete stranger he killed in a gang shooting. He still didn't feel sorry for his victim, though, because they guy shouldn't have been in his gang's territory. Then her program was cut. You know who blames the victims the most? The criminals who victimize them.
I hope you stay safe and this is only a philosophical/political/sociological discussion for you.
12/06/09
But, honestly, I think this is a lot of hubbub over not that much. I watched and listened to that Abigail song that was supposed to be slut shaming and... didn't think it was that at all. I thought it was about going to far with a boy only to have him ditch you later. And, yeah, that happens. It's telling girls that boys lie and that if they tell you they love you they might not always mean it as much as you do.
Also, I thought the one about loving the boy next door was perfectly legitimizing to the expieriance of young teen girls who fantasize about an out of reach guy and thinking that "well, if he just KNEW me he'd totally dump that hot girl he's with..."
I think at the end of the day the only weird thing is that I feel like the experiences she sings about are more that of 13 year olds and not 19 year olds. And I'm surprised she still has that in her.
12/06/09
12/06/09
In all seriousness, though, a couple folks have thrown out Dolly as an example of someone who's some kind of feminist icon, and I love me some Dolly, but please, have you ever listened to the lyrics of "Jolene"? And I see some mentions of Alanis, too, but even she released "Head Over Feet" as a single (rather than, say, "Not the Doctor" or "Right Through You"). I don't know, I guess I am sort of wading into the fray here, but I see "Fifteen" and "Fuck and Run" as two sides of the same coin, that coin being, "Wish I hadn't dated/smooched/boned/fallen in love with that dude, since he turned out to be an asshole and now I feel bad about it." In closing,
LEAVE TAYLOR ALONE!!!1!1!!11!
12/06/09
12/06/09
12/06/09
In short, my point was, don't be all "Taylor Swift's music undermines feminism" and then invoke Alanis or Dolly as women whose music and lyrics, on their faces, does not. And in that vein, commenters below have lamented "Love Story" and have either been unaware of, or have brushed off the fact that, "White Horse" is Part II of that narrative. It takes context to make "Jolene" into a woman-positive narrative; likewise, "Head Over Feet" is "forgivable" in light of "You Oughta Know."
Jesus, I could write a whole nother ten pages on this (and I did, in fact, write a paper in college, 2002, on this topic vis a vis Britney); long story short, sometimes we invoke one woman's life and career as a way to undermine and criticize another's (Dolly v. Taylor), when in reality they are both tremendously powerful, successful women, and the difference between them TODAY is that Taylor is 19 and Dolly is 63 and gets the depth of context afforded to people with 40-year, rather than 4-year, careers.
I hope this is not completely nonsensical. It was clearly not "in short." Sorry. It's a topic that gets my blood flowing and synapses firing. Nothing but love for Dolly.
07:58 AM
12/05/09
But two other elements are at play here--one is scripting, which is rampant in MTV and VH1 "reality" shows, and which I noticed obvious examples of many times during the first two episodes, and the other is the fact that people like this (although not necessarily this exagerrated) DO exist.
I know this because I grew up in a primarily Italian-American East Coast community, and at least a third of the people I went to High School with self-identified as Guidos/Guidettes/Stellas.
Maybe it's the bias of having gone to a school where fitting in meant being either WASP-y or Guido, but I don't have that much sympathy for these kids. They are looking for fame and are willing to exagerrate their most foolish and sometimes detestable personality traits in order to obtain it.
Additionally, most of them have horrible attitudes towards members of both the opposite and their own sex, treat each other callously, and bathe in self-satisfaction.
I have to admit, I have no shame in laughing at them. I probably should, since I realize on a intellectual level that MTV should be ashamed for promoting this type of attitude in one respect while simulataneously holding it up for ridicule.
I do hate that these are the images that we choose to spotlight without any accompanying social context. But then I remember that it's fucking MTV.
12/05/09
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12/06/09
She's a cutie. And she's doing just fine.
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12/05/09
Anyone who makes such an AWESOME video with T-Pain deserves as much. In fact, in the video she MOCKS her nice girl status "I KNIT SWEATERS, YO." in a way that's refreshing and kind of like "I get that I'm not that exciting of a person because I like to knit and bake but that's what I like to do let me wrap about it with T-Pain!" Because I'm 24, and I like to knit and bake.
12/05/09
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12/05/09
So if she's meant to be a pure little lamb, I had no idea. Her songs are annoyingly catchy, and I find her (pretty tame) vindictive streak sort of awesome. Who HASN'T wanted to take a jab at their jerk ex-boyfriend/personal Kanye, while smiling sweetly?
12/05/09
I've always liked her simply because her songs are exactly like a teenager diary. At 20 going on 21 I'm at an age where I'm not in a teenage world anymore but I wouldn't know it by the teenage behavior this is still prominent in my work and university life.
When her first songs came out I was her prime target audience. I felt like she gave teenage girls away to be sad that didn't have the so-called emo vibe to it. It was a sparkly happiness that cried in her(my) room when relationships I had bigger dreams for fell to pieces.
For this reason I'll always support the (current) music she is putting out. And I'm going to enjoy myself at her concert this May :)
12/05/09
Let her wear cute dresses and write songs about boys, but don't use those things to make guesses about her intelligence or beliefs.
12/05/09
After all, feminism is a lot about accepting women how they accept themselves.
12/05/09
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12/05/09
Even though it totally irked me to hear college-age girls belt out "Romeo save me, I've been feelin' so alone," I would have been totally inclined to agree with you because a feminist certainly does not need to be overtly sexual. But then I saw her "15" video, which Sady Doyle discusses in the link hortense listed, and I was swayed Doyle's analysis. The judge-y attitude goes beyond "I'm a cute, doe-eyed romantic" and into the dangerous realm of slut shaming.
But one song does not a career make, so I guess we'll see what happens when she gets older. Luckily 15 wasn't one of her more popular hits.
12/05/09
12/05/09
Let's get together and send her a "THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE" t-shirt, please?
12/05/09