It's true, nothing gold can stay, and by "gold" I mean "Two and a Half Men, the worst CBS show you're not watching." While Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer have resigned their contracts for a third season (Kutcher at a $700,000-per-episode payout; Cryer at, I don't know, a gum wrapper and a damp Nickelback ticket stub?),
Baby weight: A thing that happens, sometimes. Ways to fix/change it: Tuna melts*, not caring, doing Zumba or some shit, more tuna melts, or encasing yourself in a chamber of horrors like Jessica Alba. In an interview with Net-a-Porter's magazine, Alba divulges her post-pregnancy weight-loss secret after giving birth…
"Magical," "unforgettable" and "fantasy" are just a few of the gushing adjectives used by Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake to describe their hella expensive Italian wedding (soup), even though not everyone was as happy (N*Sync was excluded from the 100-person guest list; they are "are pretty upset about it").…
Giovanni Ribisi, Giovanni Ribisi's moustache and model Agyness Deyn have apparently been dating on the sly for months and quietly married in Los Angeles this weekend. As recently as March, Deyn told press "I'm all alone. There has been no man in my life for several months now and although it would be nice to have a…
For those of you who care, a pretty little girl named Mackenzie Foy makes her debut in the Twilight canon as Renesmee Cullen, daughter of vampire-ized Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in the new Entertainment Weekly, which features all manner of awkward stills for your consumption. Don't you wish you could e-tro…
Gwyneth Paltrow has something to say about homosexuality! She took to Goop to discuss her views, writing:
Even before we read that the concept was netting its own TV show, we knew that today was all about amicable separation.
- Natalie Portman's Best Actress trophy at last night's Critic's Choice Movie Awards was Black Swan's only victory of the night, even though it was nominated in 12 different categories. The Facebook movie snuck up from behind, winning three awards.
- Ladies and gentlemen, Swiftenhaal is no more.
- View host Sherri Shepherd announced today that she and TV writer Lamar Sally are engaged. Sally proposed on December 26 after asking Shepherd's 5-year-old son, Jeffrey, for permission.
Apparently the photographer was trying to get shots of Julia and her kids. And that does not fly. You're liable to hear things like "You get the f*ck out of my face.. do you understand me?" For instance.
- Britney Spears turned 29 yesterday, and took to Twitter to lash out at Star magazine for printing the domestic abuse story, to thank her fans for birthday wishes and make an announcement about new music.
- Angelina Jolie was in Paris last night, promoting The Tourist, but was asked about her directorial debut, a love story between a Serbian man and Bosnian woman. Angie, who wrote the screenplay, says it's not true that Bosnians are unhappy.
Welcome to a Very Special Episode of Midweek Madness, in which we have very little patience for crappy, recycled gossip and really just want to sleep late and eat sweet potato pie.
- Lady Gaga has thrown away all of her old bras and underpants because she will only wear silk underthings now.
- Unsolicited Uterus Update: Real Housewives Of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak is carrying a fetus.
Malin Ackerman, who sort of looks familiar, kind of, a little, will replace Lohan in the Linda Lovelace biopic. I'm sure Dina is looking for someone to sue as we speak.
- The Dancing With the Stars production office intercepted a "threatening letter containing white powder" (it was talcum) that forced a building evacuation. The FBI is investigating! Could the perps be those "haters" who Bristol Palin's been talking about lately?
- Wesley Snipes has been trying to appeal his 2008 conviction for willful failure to pay his income taxes, but today a judge ordered him to surrender to authorities and immediately begin serving a three-year sentence.