• Nicole Richie has been complaining that she doesn't feel well for days, and now she's been hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai for pneumonia. Her rep says she's "doing well."

• On Sunday she Tweeted: "ok cold, it's been 6 days. Lets part ways graciously & keep it moving." [People]
• Amy Winehouse has spent a third night in the hospital after being admitted for mixing cold medications. [People]
• Michael Barrett has been officially charged with one count of interstate stalking for allegedly filming Erin Andrews in hotels around the country. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband Ojani Noa claims he's been receiving death threats since threatening to sell the video they made during their honeymoon. "She's having him followed. We just ran the license plate of the car . . . and it goes directly back to Jennifer Lopez. Ojani's scared," says his lawyer. [N.Y. Post]
• Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt reportedly got into such a bad fight this morning that the police were called. An eyewitness said Doug got in his car, but Paris screamed, "don't go, don't go." He got out of the car and they started shoving each other. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton denies that she and Doug Reinhart were fighting. She said: "Doug and I were in bed, sound asleep, when Doug's houseguests from hell got into an argument. We had nothing to do with it. Doug told the LAPD that his guests' fight was over and that we had nothing to do with it." [TMZ]
• Kate Major is planning to sue Jon Gosselin for breach of contract for violating their handwritten agreement. Kate resigned from her position at Star because, "Jon told her he would match the salary she was making at the magazine if she came to work for him as his personal employee," says a source. [Radar Online]
• Cindy Crawford's alleged extortionist, Edis Kayalar, cannot be extradited to the U.S. He turned himself in to German police on Monday, but the country doesn't have an extradition policy with the U.S. He is still facing charges because he's accused of emailing about transferring the money into a German bank account, which is against the law. [TMZ]
• The court has notified Roman Polanski's lawyers that a request has been made to allow TV coverage of his bail hearing on December 10. A judge hasn't decided if the cameras will be allowed or not. [N.Y.T.]
• Sarah Palin invited Levi Johnston to her house for Thanksgiving dinner on Oprah but he won't be attending. He told Playgirl it's "a nice gesture, but she didn't mean it." He said having dinner with the Palins would be "awkward." [People]
• The Sarah Palin interview gave Oprah Winfrey her biggest audience in two years. [Politico]
• We thought everyone knew this already, but Radar Online his confirmed that Carrie Prejean was over 18 when she took those nude pictures by analyzing her tan lines in various states of undress. It's unclear why she couldn't have tan lines at 17. [Radar Online]
• Carrie Prejean's dad says of her sex tapes, "The personal information they are bringing out against Carrie is irrelevant to anything." Will Prejean continues, "Carrie is supposed to be doing all of these TV appearances to promote her book, and everyone can only focus on the tapes... I'm not someone who looks backwards. I think we need to look to the future. Why isn't anyone talking about the charity work and all of the charitable organizations that Carrie's involved in?" [E!]
• In an interview on Good Morning America, Janet Jackson admitted that Michael Jackson's family staged several interventions about his drug use but "weren't very successful." She says he understood "that it was out of love," but in these situations, "people tend to be in denial." [TMZ]
• Somehow "Michael Jackson's estate" is fighting with Janet Jackson because her new song "Make Me" includes the line "Don't stop till you get it up," even though the people in charge of MJ's estate say they're unaware of the dispute. [ET]
• Sources say Evan Chandler, the father of the boy who accused Michael Jackson of molesting him, had been estranged from his family for three years before he committed suicide earlier this month and had changed his appearance with plastic surgery to avoid a backlash from the case. [Radar Online]
• Michael Jackson's kids attended the L.A. premiere of New Moon and avoided the paparazzi by sneaking in a side door. A friend says, "They loved it." [Showbiz 411]
• Whoa. Miley Cyrus may be the only 16-year-old who isn't into Twilight. "I've never seen it and nor will I ever," said Miley. "I don't believe in it... I don't like vampires. I don't like the wolf that pops out of the screen when I'm watching my TV at night. I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I don't like the shirts. I don't like any of it." [People]
• Kristen Stewart says her character Bella "Has a lot of really innate female qualities... For a character in literature, I think it's awesome that so many girls can look up to her, because she's fickle and unabashedly (so)." [Reuters]
• Robert Pattinson says in his pre-Twilight life, "I loved driving around L.A. I know not a lot of people say that, but if you don't have to get anywhere, L.A. is the best place to drive 'round in. I used to have this little car, a convertible ... and I really do miss doing that, as the sun is going down, driving over the mountains. It's a great thing and I kind of do miss that a little bit. It's not really the same thing when you've got 10 cars following you." [AP]
• "I don't think there's something particularly alluring or topical about vampires right now that our generation takes to. I think it's more just that Stephenie [Meyer] wrote these characters with really creative, really gloried character traits. He's a vampire - he sucks blood and all that - but being a vampire is really just a symbol of who he is. I think if you take all of the mythical aspects away from the story, these characters would still be interesting. And they'd still stand. That's what people have become addicted to. At least concerning the fans. I don't think it's a vampire thing." — Kristen Stewart [Time]
• New Moon director Chris Weitz says he's quitting making movies after doing one more film. "Every time I make a movie I'm pretty much convinced it's the last time I'm going to be able to do it and that really it's a rather silly occupation to undertake," he says. "But I think I have maybe one more film in me." [People]
• Pamela Anderson says she has told her sons about the sex tape she made with Tommy Lee. "I knew the kids were going to watch [Borat] and there was a reference to the tape in the movie and they're that age and, you know, people are going start saying things," she said. "I just said, 'Look, Mummy and Daddy were massively in love, we videotaped everything, everything was videotaped, and you're probably going hear about something at school.'" [The Sun]
• Pamela Anderson says, "I've tried it (cocaine) and I don't like it. I'm completely hyper and it actually doesn't work for me. I've dabbled in things." [Contact Music]
• Nicolas Cage, a U.N. ambassador, went to a jail in Kenya to talk to the suspected Somali pirates. "Then I'm in a position where I can actually make some sense and talk about it when I go back to the States where I go talk to different U.N. councils and discuss the matter," Cage said. [AP]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber has be re-admitted to the hospital after developing an infection following surgery for prostate cancer. [AP]
• Penny Marshall has liver cancer, according to The National Enquirer. "Most people would have been devastated, crying on the shoulder of friends and family. But not Penny - she was angry!" said a family source. "The last thing Penny wants is for anyone to feel sorry for her." [National Enquirer]
• Jennifer Hudson will play Winnie Mandela in Winnie, Clint Eastwood's movie about Nelson Mandela's ex-wife. "I was compelled and moved when I read the script," Hudson said. "Winnie Mandela is a complex and extraordinary woman, and I'm honored to be the actress asked to portray her. This is a powerful part of history that should be told." [People]
• Clint Eastwood says the U.S. is "becoming more juvenile as a nation. The guys who won World War II and that whole generation have disappeared, and now we have a bunch of teenage twits..." [Daily Express]
• The Black Eyed Peas' manager, Liborio Molina, won't face charges for punching Perez Hilton in the back of the head. Here's what Molina wrote: 'I apologize for what I did on June 22 of 2009, even though you engaged in highly offensive comments, including a homophobic slur to my clients, I acknowledge that these kinds of issues should not be resolved through a physical response." [TMZ]
• Liborio Molina has also agreed not to contact Perez HIlton and cannot carry any weapons for a year. [AP]
• Precious will be awarded the Producers Guild of America's Stanley Kramer Award, which goes to a film that tackles provocative social issues in a constructive way. [N.Y.T.]
• Kirstie Alley Tweeted about being the butt of Conan O'Brien's fat jokes saying, "ONE BITCH I'm gonna knck [sic] out next time I see her is CONAN O'BITCH O'BRIAN [sic]. That guy acts like I bit his dick off." Star Jones Tweeted back: "You know Conan probably 'wanted some' and you chumped him...I know a few brothers from Brooklyn who owe me! LOL" [Us]
• Roger Moore was named the 2009 Person of the Year by the U.K. branch of PETA for campaigning against foie gras. [Reuters]
• Mariah Carey was late to the British show This Morning, so host Phillip Schofield Tweeted: "Sitting here twiddling our thumbs waiting for Mariah Carey. la la la laaa," before adding: "It's her album... which we will talk about IF she hurries up!" [The Sun]
• Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair got into a fight at a press conference in Australia. Some say it was staged to promote a wrestling even, but in the picture at the link Hogan's head is coated in blood. [TMZ]
• Fantasia Barrino's fans are upset because she's dating a married father of two who left his wife and kids to move in with her. [Star]
• Robin Williams, who split from his wife of 19 years in 2008, has found love again with graphic designer Susan Schneider. A source said, "Robin truly believes it's no coincidence that Susan came into his life right before his heart operation. He told a pal, 'She saved me - she helped me heal.'" [Daily Express]
• Tyra Banks tried to get model Jessica White, who has been seen holding hands with Sean Penn, to confirm that they're dating, but she said, "I hold hands with my friends." [Us]
• Daniel Radcliffe will guest star in The Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror XXI" next season. [ONTD]
• Hugh Jackman has forgiven his mother for abandoning the family when he was young, and was spotted spending time with her in New York yesterday. "My mother was not well," Jackman has said. "I always hoped she would come back, but I never blamed her for anything that went wrong. At the time, I was miserable and angry, and my brothers and I used to fight all the time." [News.com.au]
• Carrie Underwood says she isn't moving in with her boyfriend Mike Fisher. "Call me old-fashioned. He's there. I'm here... We're both doing our thing and it's good. The next guy I move in with will be my hubby. Whoever that is. I'm not saying it's going to be him." [People]
• Jessica Simpson Tweeted about her sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz's Broadway debut: "I can't wait to watch @ashsimpsonwentz on broadway in all of her glory!!! I get chillbumps from toes to noggin thinking about it!!! YAY!!!!!" [Us]
• Pete Wentz said, "I just spent the last weekend – Mom was rehearsing for Chicago – being Dad without a nanny, without Mom, and didn't burn the house down, so I'm pretty excited about that." [People]
• Jessica Szohr says "we had fun" shooting the Gossip Girl threesome. "Penn is really easy to work with and very professional and [so is] Hilary," Szohr said. "We just went with it and tried to make it as easy as possible." [Us]
• Sandra Bullock says her family didn't like her going blonde for The Blind Side. "It was entertaining for a couple of months but it's not really my color palette," she said. Her husband didn't like it either. "Thank God an important person in my life didn't want me being blonde. He was like, ‘I don't like the blonde on you. You want him to say that!" [People]
• "I want boobs, a gentle six-pack and a perky butt," says Amanda Peet. "If I could choose an ideal body, I'd take Gisele Bunchen's. I challenge anyone to say she wouldn't want Gisele's body, deep down... Actually, I'd take a number of people's bodies. I'd take Jennifer Aniston's, too." [People]
• Susan Sarandon is going to meet table tennis legend Jan-Ove Waldner when she travels to Stockholm to receive an award next week. "It was on her initiative, we just made the effort to find him," says Git Scheynius, director of the Stockholm Film Festival. "She's actually involved in a table tennis club in New York — that's one of her greatest hobbies." [Reuters]
• "I feel like I have learned a lot. The movies could not be more different," says Penelope Cruz of her upcoming films Nine and Broken Embraces. "To be able to sing for the first time professionally and dance, it was a scary experience. Broken Embraces is like three women in one. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world." [Reuters]
• Vera Farmiga says she was drawn to the film Up In The Air because, "I thought it was a refreshing spin on feminine desire. It's something you don't too often get to see, a woman being so demanding and libertine and unapologetic about her sexual prowess. She's an adventuress; she's a full-blown romantic operative. That was pretty exciting. And tricky. Because usually, female characters who are so masculine in their needs can come across as lacking dignity. Alex represents to me what's so hard about being a woman, post-feminist. Wanting it all: a family, a career. That sort of pendulum between romance and respectability, virgin-whore, all these lady problems we have to contend with and there will never be an answer to. A modern heroine of sorts." [L.A.T.]
• Heidi Klum says she's wearing something sexy when she hosts the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, even though she wants to lose weight. "I have some great one-of-a-kind latex pieces that were made for me. I figure why not? I embrace that I have more curves right now," said Klum, "I'm definitely one of the heaviest of the bunch of the 30 girls in the show. And I still have 20 lbs. to go... But why not? I like my outfit. I like the way it looks on me." [People]
• "I have a really big scrapbook. I still actually have these notes that Marty Scorsese wrote to me while we were making The Age of Innocence. I save everything. I definitely have that gene in me. Someone was telling me about this show called Hoarders. I was like, 'Oh no!' I save everything. I'm scared I might be a hoarder." — Winona Ryder [Daily Express]
• Martha Stewart says Rachael Ray is "more of an entertainer ... with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be," adding, "To me, she professed that she could — cannot bake... She — just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. She — and that's not good enough for me." Rachael Ray responded: "Why would it make me mad?... Her skill set is far beyond mine. That's simply the reality of it... I'd rather eat Martha's than mine, too." [Us]

• Some people were offended by the jokes Alex Borstein made about Marlee Matlin's speaking voice on Sunday's Family Guy special. She says, "It was sick. It was twisted. It was rude... and I was glad to be part of it."

• "People love [Seth MacFarlane's] stuff. They don't pay him the big bucks for nothing," Matlin wrote in an email. "I want to do it again and BE the voice. BTW, it only would've been offensive if I hadn't laughed and I loved that you couldn't quite figure out if I was seriously angry at Alex or not!" [Hollywood Insider]
• Jon Voight says he and Angelina Jolie have reconciled. "We're in touch, but not regularly," he says. "We love each other and that's the most important thing." [Us]
• "Amy Winehouse is addicted to table tennis." [Mirror]
• John Travolta, who recently started playing tennis, says, "I play at midnight... Kind of vampire style." [People]
• The Twilight kids are on the cover of Entertainment Weekly this week and in the mag Taylor Lautner says, "Jacob and Bella are so open, and they can tell each other everything. So it was very important for me and Kristen to grow very close before doing this." [Just Jared]
• "The highlight of playing Jane [in New Moon]was getting to wear the costume and the red contact lenses and to play an evil character," says Dakota Fanning. "I think red eyes make everyone look very evil." [L.A.T.]
• If you want to watch Robert Pattinson talk about his facial hair, check out this video: [Pop Sugar]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have written a book called How To Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture. [Ok]
• In the video at the link, Robert Halderman's lawyer explains that he wasn't trying to blackmail David Letterman, he was just giving him the right of first refusal on his screenplay. [TMZ]
• David Letterman's lawyer says he's "absolutely" ready to testify against Robert Halderman and is "fully prepared to see this case through to the end." [CBS News]
• Sad news: Though Celine Dion announced she was pregnant this summer, it was a misdiagnosis. Her husband Rene Angelil said, "We're living the reality of the majority of couples who face these procreation techniques." [Us]
• Sources say TLC's lawyers are watching all of Jon Gosselin's TV appearances so they can run a tab on how much money he's making since he allegedly violated his contract with the network. [TMZ]
• Shanna Moakler says she's "looking forward to seeing" Carrie Prejean's sex tape. [TMZ]
• Last night Susan Boyle sang on DWTS and got to meet her idol, Donny Osmond. "It is quite something to be in Hollywood," she explains. "This is a world I've never seen before and never dreamt that I would get to see," said Boyle, who added that Hollywood is, "Nothing a woman like me was used to. I have found Americans to be incredibly warm and friendly and very open." [People]
• Susan Boyle says after she became famous, "There were phone calls 24 hours a day. They kept me awake for three weeks, until I changed my number. It was constant... "It got to the stage where I couldn't even go outside because the media - American television crews, too - surrounded the house... Everything had built up, and I was exhausted. You have to understand, my life ceased to be normal." [Show Biz Spy]
• Joey Lawrence and his wife Chandie Yawn-Nelson are expecting their second child. [Us]
• Mickey Rourke says after his divorce from Carre Otis, "I don't want to live with an actress again, no matter how they look. I'm working opposite Megan Fox and Eva Green next, and I'm certainly not complaining. But I'll tell you, once bitten..." [Daily Express]
• Though Steven Tyler played with Aerosmith on Tuesday, Joe Perry says he still doesn't know if that means he's staying in the band. "I was totally surprised. I had no idea he was going to show up," said Perry. "All I know is we walked off stage and were sitting taking our break [before] the encore and there was a bunch of commotion and I looked up and Steven was there." [People]
• Halle Berry says she decided to get involved with Jenesse Center, a L.A. domestic violence shelter, because, "My mother was a battered woman and that was my childhood for a good chunk of it... I care, I really care about these women and children." [Us]
• John Cusack on being called an "everyman": "I've been called worse, but I'm not the best person to ask about that. I think it's a compliment if it's sort of a leading-man type compliment. You get the audience to sympathize with you ... it's kind of a cool thing to be an 'everyman' I guess." [BlackBook Magazine]
• Ian McKellen says sometimes gay actors ask him for advice about coming out and he says, "When I act, some people fancy me and some of them are women. There we are! What's the problem? They don't believe me when I say I am in love with a woman?...They don't believe me when I say I am a wizard? They believe me even though they know I am not. It's all nonsense. Everyone knows we are acting." [Reuters]
• Tori Amos says she did a lot of research before recording her holiday album Midwinter Graces because, "In order to make this kind of record and to have it work, I needed to know what the carol writers were doing, then you need to know the theology of where it came from in order to change it. I did change it in making it more inclusive rather than exclusive. Because some of these lyrics were written, it was in a very puritanical time. Women had no rights, they couldn't vote. Some of the music would've been fifteenth century." [N.Y. Magazine]
• You can stop holding your breath — Pamela Anderson says she'll never rekindle her romance with Tommy Lee again. "You can't get heartbroken any more over all the disappointments or how he is as a father or anything like that. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. I do tell him the truth, but it's been 10 years of suffering over him so I'm over it," she says. "Whatever it is, it is - as long as my kids are happy and we're happy and we're safe, let him run around the world. I support him." [New]
• Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones has been very openly dating much younger women for over a year, but his wife Jo Wood just filed divorce papers accusing him of adultery. [TMZ]
• "I definitely keep myself secret," says Leona Lewis. "I went on a show watched by millions of people, so this might sound ridiculous, but I had no desire to be famous, and I still don't. I have this media persona – "She's a shy girl, really nice" – but you can't get to know someone like that. Unless you talk to me every day, you're not really going get a sense of me." [The Telegraph]
• James Franco says he doesn't think he can study in Columbia University's Butler Library anymore. He explains: "Last night I went in, I went into the restroom and this guy was in there and he's mumbling like, 'You're James Franco, right?' I'm like, 'Yeah, how's it going?' Basically, he said he was annoyed with me that I came to the library and that there are girls in the library. He didn't express himself. I think what he meant was that he thought I came to the library to meet young girls and he said it wasn't fair. And I tried to apologize for any disruption my presence had, but he was still annoyed. So I left and I went to the writing building, which is a little more private, but I have to sit there alone in the dark." [Gothamist]
• Jason Schwartzman, whose mom is Talia Shire, said, "I think it's an amazing thing that two words like 'Yo, Adrian' have been so unforgotten. People yell it out when you achieve something, or you've spent a lot of energy and you accomplish something. You yell it out like, 'I did it!' Growing up a lot of kids didn't know my mom [Talia Shire] was in Rocky. And we'd go to P.E. class and we'd have to go jogging; everyone would run up stairs and all the kids would yell it out. They didn't even know my mom was in the movie. It made me feel kind of awkward but also kind of so happy." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Hip-hop artists are "completely gay-friendly. Are you kidding me? Look at how they dress!" said Fergie. "Kanye West really did a great thing for hip-hop and made it very mixed and open." [MTV]

• A judge has approved an agreement granting Katherine Jackson permanent custody of Michael Jackson's children. Debbie Rowe, who did not attend the hearing, agreed not to fight for custody in exchange for visitation rights.

• A hearing to address a few remaining issues was scheduled for October. [CNN]
• Here's a minute by minute account of what went down in the courtroom. [TMZ]
• J. Randy Taraborrelli has written a Michael Jackson biography in which he claims Michael only married Debbie Rowe because of pressure from his family and fans. Lisa Marie Presley however was the "love of his life," but she didn't want to have children with Michael because she didn't think their marriage was strong enough. [CBS News]
• Several of Michael Jackson's friends say he denied that Omer Bhatti was his son, but Good Morning America claims an exclusive video of the two jet skiing on vacation together "raises more questions." Joe Jackson did claim Omer is Michael's son last week, but friends think Joe just wants to sign Omer to his new record label. [ABC News]
• Police sources say multiple eyewitnesses are backing up Mel Gibson's claim that he didn't get into a fight with a photographer or rip his shirt. "The Mel Gibson case is almost finished," said the police source. [Radar Online]
• Mischa Barton was "well behaved" at a Peter Bjorn concert this weekend, but she was seen smoking, so it seems that rumor that Nicole Richie made her quit wasn't true. [Radar]
• At the event Mischa Barton said, "I'm feeling great! I'm really happy," and said The Beautiful Life is "Going really well... I'm excited." [Ok]
• Jon and Kate Plus 8 returns from hiatus tonight. As you've no doubt noticed, "Team Kate" has gathered steam in the past few weeks as everyone got to know the two-timing, Ed Hardy-wearing, Michael Lohan-loving side of Jon Gosselin. [CNN]
• In this behind the scenes video, the U.K. Elle crew doesn't do a very good job hiding the fact that they were annoyed at Lindsay Lohan during her cover shoot. But she arrive 12 hours late, so it's understandable. [People]
• Bradley Cooper's rep denies that he had a rendezvous with Jennifer Aniston in Washington, D.C. this weekend. "It didn't happen, they were not there together," said the rep. "Bradley was there on a stop-over from his USO tour." He could have at least waited for the tabloids to report that they're back together before denying the story. [People]
• Previously unseen photos of The Beatles taken in the mid-1960s at a hotel in Bridgeport, England are up for auction. The seller says, "They are spur of the moment pictures and not posed up like so many that you see. They are wearing suits and in one John Lennon is playing with a Box Brownie camera and they seem happy posing with the hotel owner." [The Telegraph]
• Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee partied together this weekend in Las Vegas, so TMZ thinks they're back together. [TMZ]
• Bethenny Frankel says the deal for her own TV show is "unsigned," and "I'm definitely going to do the Housewives this season... It's been great … I love it. I understand we start filming [season 3] in September." [People]
• Sam Worthington will star opposite Charlize Theron in a remake of the 2005 French spy thiller The Tourist. Tom Cruise was originally considering Worthington's role. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• An Us editor says Nadya Suleman told him after she had six kids she asked her sperm donor to help her again, but he refused so she used their frozen embryos left over from previous procedures. The editor adds, "She said that one of her great regrets is that, after having the kids, he is no longer part of their lives." [CBS News]
• Here are some spoilers about the new season of Gossip Girl from Leighton Meester, Penn Badgley, Michelle Trachtenberg, and Jessica Szohr. [E!]
• Everyone freaked out when New Moon's Jamie Campbell Bower said, "We just all sit there, completely naked, for one scene... it's me, Michael Sheen and Christopher [Heyerdahl]; we just sit there, naked." But director Chris Weitz says, "I would like to put everyone's mind at rest and let them know that the Volturi are not naked! Jamie has what you might call a dry sense of humor and almost managed to convince me – which is why he's such a good actor. Anyway, be assured that, even though we do want the look of the Volturi to be a bit of a surprise, they are always – as in the book! – fully clothed." [People]
• Joan Rivers said of Kathy Griffin, who hosted her upcoming Comedy Central roast, "She can fucking drop dead now, I'm so angry." Then Joan laughed and added, "She was evil. We made a pact. No matter what we say on camera ... we stay friends forever. And she really lets me have it." [People]
• Deborah Gibson's boyfriend, a doctor who specializes in preventative medicine, helped her lose 17 pounds by coming up with a diet and exercise plan for her. "I thought I had just 5 lbs. to lose," she says, "But as it went on, I realized that I needed to drop a few more." [People]
• Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray says his band knows they're not going to be selling out arenas, so their they made their first album in six years "purely for the love." It's entitled Music for Cougars. "Our fans qualify as cougars," says McGrath. "There's no negative slant. It's a word of empowerment. Cougars are great!" [People]

• Paris Hilton's dogs live better than you do. She posted pictures via Twitter of their doghouse—for her 13 purse-sized dogs—that was designed as a mini version of her own home. [Daily Mail]

• Women who have had sex with David Carradine are beginning to come out of the woodwork, talking about the late actor's penchant for auto-erotica (which does not involve cars…maybe) and how he'd "spend days planning to construct elaborate sexual devices." [TMZ]
• The headline "FBI Allowed To Observe Carradine Probe" sounds super perverted after reading about Carradine's sex life. [CBS News]
• Diddy was seen leaving the home of Miley Cyrus. Maybe he prayed to baby Jesus for such an encounter with the star, just like Spencer Pratt did. [Perez Hilton]
• After all their back-and-forth publicity stunts on I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! Heidi and Spencer are actually trying to leave the Costa Rican jungle for good, but can't get clearance to fly from doctors who have treated Heidi there. [TMZ]
• NBC has released pictures of the "torture chamber" in which Heidi and Spencer claim they were held in solitary confinement for three days without food or water. NBC says the pair were in there for 14 hours and were given rice and beans, as well as water. [TMZ]
• Even Heidi's reps are saying that the couple's claims of abuse are false. [Us]
• Tila Tequila is "not currently pregnant." Phew! After Tweeting, and then un-Tweeting, that she was knocked up, she clarified the confusion by saying, "The point is…maybe I was pregnant, or maybe I wasn't pregnant. I think that is something very personal." She posted that on her MySpace Celebrity blog, BTW. [People]
• Bret Michaels has a fractured nose and a busted lip from his run-in with a piece of a set at last night's Tony Awards. He always sucked at head banging. [Yahoo]
• Britney Spears' conservators have filed a response to her former manager Sam Lutfi's lawsuit against her in which he seeks cash for unpaid work, as well as damages stemming from an "assault." [TMZ]
• Gwen Stefani will grace the cover of July's Elle, in which she discusses her future with No Doubt, saying, "Everybody's making it like there's all this tension, you know, like I stepped away from the band and now they're jealous of me." Yeah, who could've put that idea out there? (*Cough* "Don't Speak" video *Cough*) [Just Jared]
• Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York was ordered to two days of community service for assaulting her ex-boyfriend in March. Her charges will be removed from her record if she completes the work and stays out of trouble for a year, which is a good thing, since she wouldn't want her name attached to something like that. [TMZ]
• Katee Sackhoff—aka Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica—will be joining the cast of 24 as a series regular next season. Frack yeah. [EW]
• Chuck Bass wants people to stop calling him fat. [E!]
• Susan Boyle is back home, well, and with her beloved Pebbles. [People]
• Danny Boyle is getting the gang back together. The director has bought the rights to turn Maximum City: Bombay Lost and Found—a book penned by Slumdog Millionaire screenwriter Simon Beaufoy—into a movie that he is planning to shoot with his Slumdog team in Mumbai. [Telegraph]
• Here's news you don't get to hear that often: DMX doesn't have to go to jail. After pleading guilty to felony attempted aggravated assault, he was given 18 months probation. Yay! Party up (up in here)! [TMZ]
• Get ready for three more years of EVOO. CBS has renewed The Rachel Ray Show through 2012. [Mediaweek]
• CBS News says that Julia Roberts has a "brand new role" as a philanthropist because of her involvement with Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall Camps. The article then went on to talk about how Roberts has been involved with the organization for 13 years. [CBS News]
• Rosie O'Donnell is a fellow philanthropist, donating "in excess of $50 million" to various charities. [CBS News]
• Ashton Kutcher Tweeted that he's "gonna have nightmares" after helping his wife Demi Moore sort through her vast collection of rare dolls. There was no mention of whether any of the over 3000 dolls were robbed from a cradle. [Daily Express]
• Sherri Shepherd's Tweeting got her in trouble with her nutritional coach and trainer—who follow The View co-host on the networking site—after she posted about eating buffalo wings and fried calamari this weekend. [People]
• "Man of faith" Terry O'Quinn—who plays John Locke on Lost—was noticeably snubbed from the ballot of this year's Emmy nominations. [NY Mag]
• Pete Wentz spit on a paparazzo—who tried to take a picture of him and his wife Ashlee Simpson—at his birthday party in Vegas on Saturday night. He turned 30. [Perez Hilton]
• John Travolta will not be doing any press or promotional appearances for his latest film, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (which opens Friday) because he admittedly is still grieving the loss of his son Jett. [People]
• Are Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson back on? She's been meeting up with him on the road while Mötley Crüe is on tour, according to Vince Neil. But he also said it probably has to do with their kids. [Mirror]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin—as in Jon and Kate Plus 8— haven't been as lucky in the housing market as Paris' dogs. Their old home has been on the market for 89 days and isn't budging. Aren't they going to be needing separate residences soon anyway, to fit all their bodyguards and girlfriends? [People]
• The Humane Society is now after the Gosselins after receiving dozens of complaints about how the couple's children are abusive to the family dogs. [People]
• "He used to show me all the sex tapes of him before they got on the Internet." - John Stamos talking about hanging out with Bret Michaels when the two were neighbors a few years back. [NY Mag]
• "Could you imagine the same thing happening to Anthony Bourdain? He could have negotiated his way out with a bottle of Crown Royal and some Marlboro reds." - Margaret Cho in her call for action against North Korea's sentencing of journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling. [MySpace via ONTD]
• "Obviously there's always people can say it's cheesy, it's whatever, but to me it feels real, to me it feels I truly do it because I feel it just feels real at that moment so I just can't stop." - Enrique Iglesias not making sense, but feeling real about it. [Mirror].
• "I'll always be grateful for the sound advice, the friendship, the inspiration that Jon [Voight] gave me. Hopefully, when I'm older and wiser, I can pass on the favor to someone else. Even if it is just my cellmate." - Shia LaBeouf. [ONTD]

1.) Rasputin**
The Russian mystic's disembodied penis is on display at the Russian museum of erotica in Saint Petersburg, in a tall jar, measuring 11 inches—flaccid.

2.) Liam Neeson
In her autobiography No Lifeguard on Duty, Janice Dickinson wrote of her ex-boyfriend Liam Neeson, saying he had "the biggest penis of any man alive. He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out."

3.) Jay-Z
Accounts from several different groupies say that Jigga is well endowed, "The biggest dick you will ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It's beyond huge. It could block the sun."

4.) John Holmes
Even though he had one of the most celebrated dicks in porn history, due to its size, there's no real documentation of his measurement. His manager claimed he was 13.5 inches, but Holmes' first wife said he measured it in front of her, before he started doing adult films, and it was 10 inches.

5.) Vincent Gallo
Have you ever seen Brown Bunny? (Link NSFW)

6.) Milton Berle
This rumor about how large his dick was has been around for a while, and at his Friars Club memorial in 2002, his friends joked about his size.

7.) Wilt Chamberlain
His nickname was "Big Dipper." He claims to have gotten a lot of use out of it.

8.) Tommy Lee
Thanks to the sex tape with then-wife Pamela Anderson, everyone has seen Tommy's peen. It's guesstimated to be about 8 inches, erect. (Link NSFW)

9.) Frank Sinatra
Ava Gardner once said of her ex-husband, "He only weighs 120, but 100 pounds is cock."

10.) Alexis Arquette
Some years before her sex reassignment surgery, Alexis had a lot of taping to do. (Link NSFW)

10.) President Johnson
"He was a lifelong exhibitionist who in college had dubbed his penis ‘Jumbo.'"

11.) Errol Flynn
He was notorious for his cock, which he once used to play the piano. A classical pianist!

12.) James Woods
That's the rumor, anyway, but we don't really care to find out definitively.

13.) Colin Farrell
It looks like a baby's arm. (Link NSFW)

14.) Peter Andre
Glamor model Jordan aka Katie Price says that her husband's penis is the size of a large television remote control.

15.) Anthony Keides
The girls on Metal Sludge—a site where groupies compare notes on the rock stars they've fucked—say the Red Hot Chili Peppers front man is a "very large" penis that is "beyond gorgeous."

16.) Tony Kanal
The girls on Metal Sludge also say that the No Doubt bassist—who is Gwen Stefani's ex—measures about 10 inches.

17.) Tony Danza
He's uncut and long. (Link NSFW)

18.) Ray J
Don't all guys with sex tapes that "leak" have big dicks? (Link NSFW)

19.) Dan Rather
The report on Rather is that "he is as hung as he is handsome and intelligent."

20.) Simon Rex
It's no wonder why he used to do porno.

P.S. Here's a preview of Hung:

*It is the personal opinion of the writer that big penises hurt.
**This list is not compiled by size order.

• Thanks to the tipsters who let us know that Chris Brown was hanging out at their school, the University of Mary Washington earlier this week, and that his visit was very poorly timed.

• Chris Brown was spotted playing basketball in the school's gym. What's really ironic/disturbing is that it happened to be in the middle of The White Ribbon Campaign, a week devoted to raising awareness about violence towards women. [TMZ]
• Rihanna snuck out of L.A. unnoticed and is now in Hawaii and getting back to work. [TMZ]
• Sam Lutfi's sister Christina testified in court today that she slipped Britney Spears a cell phone at her request because Jamie Spears won't let her use the phone. "[Britney] told me she wanted to get a hold of Sam," said Christina. "She wanted him to help her find a lawyer, and wanted someone to get a prepaid cell phone to her. She was scared because her father was blackmailing her with visitation rights over her kids." Brit's security confiscated the phone. [People]
• These court documents show that Britney Spears' attorney guaranteed that if Britney flakes out and can't finish the Circus tour, he'll pay $1.5 million to vendors. [TMZ]
• A man claiming to be Beyonce's manager tried to push his way into Jamie Foxx's hotel room on March 22. Foxx fended him off, but his security team spotted him today and he was arrested for burglary, criminal threats, stalking, false imprisonment and harassment. [Perez Hilton]
• Government officials in Malawi are backing Madonna's adoption of four-year-old Mercy James. "She is supporting over 25,000 orphans in this country and she has proved that she can take care of David. Very few rich and famous people can take time to fly all the way to Malawi to support our children. We support her adoption process," says Minister Patricia Kaliati. [The Daily Express]
• Ryan Seacrest interviewed Miley Cyrus about her 20-year-old boyfriend, Justin Gaston. He asked, "has your dad not said to you, he's a little too old?" "No," Miley said. He also asked, "Do you think you'll marry your Justin?" to which she said, "If he gets a pretty ring." [RyanSeacrest.com]
• Everyone thought Michael Vick would return to football once he got out of prison, but he has other ideas. He has a construction job lined up and will work a regular 40 hour week. [TMZ]
• There's a rumor that Lindsay Lohan is on a liquid diet and drinks three Red Bulls a day. Her rep says, "Lindsay has always enjoyed a Red Bull, but she eats. Everybody needs to mind their own business and stop worrying about what Lindsay eats or doesn't eat." [People]
• Dina Lohan tried to take her daughters Lindsay and Ali clubbing, but were turned away because Ali is only 15. Dina reported screamed, "Do you know who I am?" when they weren't let in. [Celeb News Wire]
• Lindsay Lohan had yet another nipple slip. [Egotastic]
• Shanna Moakler says she isn't breaking up with Travis Barker because she was having an affair with Gerard Butler, but because Barker was cheating on her. She says after his plane crash, "Not only did I fly to Georgia, I stayed by his side the entire stay and also for the bus ride home... After arriving in L.A. and getting settled in the new hospital, I came across numerous romantic emails with MANY other woman, some famous, some I personally knew - all heartbreaking." [Star]
• Maya Soetoro-Ng, Barack Obama's sister, has a book deal. The book is called Ladder to the Moon and is about what lesson's her four-year-old daughter might have learned from her mother, had she lived. [Politico]
• Last night Mickey Rourke carried an open beer out of a restaurant in Hollywood. [TMZ]
• Tommy Lee has a profile on a dating website for millionaire, but he says "d33pthr0at" is an impostor. In real life he's dating one of the contestants from Paris Hilton's My New BFF. [TMZ]
• Isla Fisher and Courteney Cox had tea together yesterday and brought their daughters along. [Pop Sugar]
• Mark your calendar and cancel all you appointments: the Sex and the City sequel will come out on May 28th 2010. [Perez Hilton]
• Charlie Sheen says one of his twins does not have a heart condition. His rep said: "Charlie and Brooke's infant son remains in the hospital, not because of a heart condition as reported, but because he has not gained the weight necessary to leave hospital. Max is expected to reach the weight requirement shortly and will join his brother [Bob] at home." [Star]
• But now Entertainment Tonight is insisting that the baby does have a heart condition, but is in the hospital because of his low birth weight. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Zooey Deschanel would like to point out that she's not Katy Perry. "It's a little bit annoying, to be totally blunt. The only similarity that we have is that we look a bit alike," said Deschanel. [Perez Hilton]
• Natasha Bedingfield wants you to know that her honeymoon is going well. She says that though you "don't need another half to make me whole...having an 'other half' definitely makes my life a 'whole' lot more fun." [People]
• David Foster, says Clay Aiken is a great father to his sister Jaymes' baby. He says their relationship works because, "she's very close with Clay, they're best friends ... It made perfect sense to me that he'd want to have a child with his best friend." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Jennifer Hudson says her fans don't have to feel responsible for her. She says: "The other day this lady came up to me and got really close to me," she recalls, "and I thought, 'What is it that makes people want to ... embrace me?' I don't like it when people get all emotional. I don't want you to cry." [People]

This issue, with Simon Le Bon on the cover, is from fall 1993. It was nibbled by a pet rabbit, if you were wondering.

Please, please, please, please: Don't let these pants come back in style. Please.

Is Moby pinching his nipple?

Nick is a model who doesn't know how to operate a button.

Raise your hand if you had jeans that were "built for two."

Extra points if you wore stripes on stripes.

Tommy Lee, doing what he does best: manhandling a chick. Fall 1994.

Confession: I sort of love this Diesel ad, in which the white people are trying their best to be brown and the brown people are trying their best not to bust out laughing.

Little-known fact: Uma Thurman's brother was a model, briefly.

Gorgeous. Love Patricia. This Venezuelan model went on to be in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns and The L Word.

These boots are made for stompin'.

Doesn't it seem like the fabric is in all the wrong places?

That there on the left is miss Jamie King, known in the '90s as "a girl named James." If you saw My Bloody Valentine 3D a couple of weeks ago, you got a peep at her acting skills.

Trend: Fuzzy = LOL.

What Fleuvogs used to look like.

More chunky, clunky shoes. It was impossible to sneak up on people in the '90s.

Someone wants you to rent Singles.

Earlier: Back Issues Of InFashion: Party Like It's 1992

• Amy Winehouse must be coming to her senses: she's given control of her £15 million fortune to her parents. She can't spend her own money without their approval, so drugs are probably out. [Mirror]

• Michael Phelps says of smoking that bong: "I engaged in behaviour which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment." And! "I'm 23 years old and, despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again." [Guardian]
• Madonna, Guy Ritchie, and the kids all went to the same service at the Kabbalah Center in New York yesterday. Madge and Guy arrived and left separately, but things are "amicable." [Daily Mail]
• Madonna was spotted with that hot Brazilian model in New York on Sunday, Jesus Luz. Are Madonna and Jesus gettin' Biblical? [Perez]
• Britney's dad has obtained restraining orders against Adnan Ghalib and Sam Lutfi, who are "now working in concert to disrupt the conservatorship," according to the paperwork. Apparently Britney informs Adnan of where she's going, and he arranges for paparazzi to show up and photograph her for his financial benefit. Sam, meanwhile, tells Brit he's "trying" to "free" her from her conservatorship. [Extra]
• Get ready: Kate Moss wants to be an actress. [Elle UK]
• Wings and cupcakes: Jessica Biel threw Justin Timberlake a Super-Bowl themed surprise party in the penthouse of the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. [People]
• Tommy Lee's helicopter was pulled over by LAPD. No, really. [TMZ]
• Foxy! Pix of Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto as a young aspiring model. [Daily Mail]
• As for Slumdog's Dev Patel, he says: "If you asked me a year ago would I ever have been doing a movie with [director] Danny Boyle, I would have absolutely laughed in your face." [NPR]
• Aw, 9-year-old Rubina Ali, who also starred in Slumdog Millionaire and lives in a "one-room shack" with her family in a Mumbai slum, wants to be a Bollywood star. "I like films. I like poems and I like my school," she says. [Reuters]
• Jennifer Aniston's house: Still a construction site after 2 years of remodeling.
  Star]
• Ciao, Hollywood: David Beckham will leave the LA Galaxy and join AC Milan permanently, after getting approval from wife Victoria. [Mirror]
• Here's Victoria stepping out with Cruz and Romeo, who are wearing matching shirts. [Daily Mail]
• Is it really the end for Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy? A source says they are still speaking and this may just be a "blip." [Daily Express]
• Although Chelsy was out partying and kept talking about how she wants to go "home" to Zimbabwe. [Daily Mail]
• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi had a joint birthday party where Samantha Ronson DJ'd and celebs like Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore celebrated. Our invitation must have gotten lost. [ People]
• Chris Martin has been banned from recording with Coldplay for two weeks. [Mirror]
• Even though Warner Bros. didn't push for Gran Torino to win an Oscar, the movie is actually cleaning up at the box office, unlike some other nominated flicks.It's "Clint Eastwood's $110 Million Revenge." [Fox News]
• Billy Bob Thornton claims: "I’d like to do another movie with Angie one of these days. We talk all the time. She and I keep looking for something to do together; we just have to find the right thing." Sure, sure. [Daily Express]
• Even though Courtenay Semel beat up Casey Johnson last month and set her hair on fire, they are back in love and "soul partners." [Page Six]
• Kristen Johnston talks about her role on the new Absolutely Fabulous: She will indeed play Patsy, not Edina, as previously reported. And the show will be "different.": "We don’t smoke, we are hungover all the time, we chew Nicorette, we’re trying to be more PC, but I think it really works. It’s one of those scripts that’s like my favorite kind because on paper you’re like, Oh, this is funny, but when you read it out loud with two actresses, it’s, like, the funniest shit ever." [EW]
• Score: Snoop Dogg coached his Snoop Youth Football league team to victory! [UPI]
• Mary Lynn Rajskub and Janeane Garofalo get the giggles when shooting 24 scenes together. "If we make eye contact, forget it," Garofalo says. [USA Today]
• Check out Zoe Kravitz, all dolled up for a photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz. The pix will appear in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which heartthrob actor keeps turning up drunk to the set of his TV medical drama?" [Gatecrasher]
• Nick Lachey loves that his girlfriend is a sports fan, blah blah blah. [People]
• Is ABC Family, with shows that contain teenage pregnancy and underage drinking, too edgy to be called a family channel? [UPI]
• The latest ABC family shows are all "female-oriented," including one series called 10 Things I Hate About You, based on the movie. [Reuters]
• Lisa Loeb got married on Saturday! The lucky guy is Roey Hershkovitz, a music supervisor for Late Night with Conan O'Brien. The bride wore pink. [People]
• Kate Middleton's childhood home is up for sale. [Telegraph]
• Because the world could not function without his opinion, Sanjaya Malakar would like for you to know he approves of the 4th judge on American Idol. [UPI]
• John Cleese's ex-girlfriend says when Cleese dumped her via a message on her answering machine for lying about her age, she texted back: "Look, at least it wasn’t a sex tape." [Mirror]
• "To me, it's a party whenever I go to work. The writing is so wonderfully dark, and everybody's lying to everyone else, that it's funny. It was a very relaxed time for me — actually, way more relaxing than comedy. Comedy makes me uptight. Because in comedy, everything is not funny until that one thing that is. " — Ted Danson, best known for doing comedy, now getting attention of his dramatic role on Damages. [Washington Post]
• "Oh God, wasn’t that awful?" — Kristen Johnston, on Bride Wars, in which she had a small part. [EW]
• "I'm not a romantic guy at all. It’s not that I don’t believe in romance. It’s that I don’t believe in dinner for two by the ocean, walking down the beach holding hands – that version of romance. I think I'm probably romantic, but I’m not outwardly romantic. I'm not a player." — Jonathan Rhys Meyers. [People]
• "I loved [Vicky Cristina Barcelona character] Maria Elena, yes. I mean, I hope I'm not too similar to her! And I didn't want to ever think, 'Oh, I'm playing a crazy person.' Because I mean, who's normal? I don't know anybody that is normal." — Penelope Cruz. [CBS News]
• "I asked my agent if I could have my costumes in my contract – but she laughed in my face! I guess that doesn't really happen." — Isla Fisher, on Confessions Of A Shopaholic. [The Sun]
• "It was pretty tough turning 18. I realised that overnight I’d become fair game. I had a party in town and the pavements were just knee-deep with photographers trying to get a shot of me looking drunk, which wasn’t going to happen. I don’t have to drink to have a good time. The sickest part was when one photographer lay down on the floor to get a shot up my skirt. The night it was legal for them to do it, they did it. I woke up the next day and felt completely violated by it all. That’s not something I want in my life. I just kept thinking that if it had happened a day earlier people would have sued their asses off… I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing… I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable." — Emma Watson. [Daily Mail]

• Whoa: Recent quotes about Scarlett Johansson's marriage to Ryan Reynolds were "wholly fabricated": The actress "has at no point granted U.K. Cosmopolitan an interview, and never discussed her personal relationships with the publication." [E!]

• Nicole Kidman dared to blow into a didgeridoo on German TV and now Aboriginal leaders are upset and Nicole might be unable to ever bear children again! [Sydney Morning Herald]
• It's a good thing Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back together; her camp was "shopping" for dates so she wouldn't have to be single during her Marley & Me publicity blitz. [Page Six]
• Did Sharon Osbourne get in a "catfight" with a Rock of Love: Charm School contestant? Megan Hauserman claims Sharon "went ballistic," pulled her hair and scratched her during the filming of the reunion special. Don't mess with Mrs. Osbourne! [The Sun]
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks: Engaged! [People]
• Lovely: Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Incarcerated, was offered £5,000 to find a hitman to kill Amy's drug dealer. Just another day in Fielder-Civil world! [News Of The World]
• Who will accept the Golden Globe if Heath Ledger wins? His father, Kim? Michelle Williams — on behalf of Matilda? Director Chris Nolan? Christian Bale? [Rush & Molloy]
• American Idol will be completely revamped when it comes back in January: Expect fewer bad singers and more "aspirational" singers. Oh, and that fourth judge. [People, USA Today]
• Jay-Z buying office furniture counts as "gossip" ? [Page Six]
• Did a gift trigger the Jennifer Hudson family murders? When Jennifer's sister Julia turned 31, William Balfour stopped by and spotted a present he believed was from another man. [People]
• Jennifer Hudson canceled her video shoot right after she announced she was ready to go back to work. [The Sun]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham once said that her belly was flabby. "Now everyone thinks I have a stomach like a Shar-Pei dog when I don't," she says. Dear Posh, no one thinks that. [Mirror]
• Three years ago, Simon Cowell told Esquire magazine that he found Beyoncé "mystifying" and "not sexy"; apparently he recently had to apologize so she would appear on his X Factor show. See Simon grovel. [Daily Express]
• Holy crap. Michael Jackson's outfit is something yours truly has worn. Except for the face mask. And the hat. And the clogs. [Concrete Loop]
• Gossip Girl gossip! Leighton Meester is engaged, according to her "secret" Facebook page. Beau Sebastian Stan is the lucky man. [Page Six]
• "I just love her music, and she’s so real. I picked out [my outfit] two nights ago." — one of the many tweens who love Miley Cyrus. [WWD]
• Will Smith is not always up-to-date: "I sat there with my children and my 16-year-old son couldn't understand how I didn't know [the election] was over already. He was like 'You're out of touch.'" [AP]
• Speaking of Will Smith: A Hancock sequel and a I Am Legend prequel in the works? [Page Six]
• A snippet of this Robert Pattinson interview: "Before I have to go out to face a crowd, I stare and stare at myself in the mirror until I have to tell myself to stop staring, since there’s nothing I can do." Because of the expectations? "Yes." [Times Of London]
• Peaches Geldof hired her ex-boyfriend to work on her magazine and her husband is pissed. [Mirror]
• Hilary Duff and Mandy Moore were forced to use the front entrance at a party instead of the paparazzi-free back door, boo hoo. [Page Six]
• An Australian woman says she hooked up with Gordon Ramsay; Ramsay says "I've never even heard of her." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which actor who played a cheating husband on TV has been cheating on his wife in real life? At an annual charity golf tournament on Long Island last summer, he spotted an attractive beautician, got her number, and found out she was willing." [Page Six]
• Aretha Franklin missed an award presentation but showed up for the benefit concert portion of a show for the Soldiers', Sailors', Marines', Coast Guard and Airmen's Club. [AP]
• Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, is single and ready to mingle: "I'd love to have a boyfriend. It’s not that I’m looking but I think that if my heart is open, someone will walk in. Let’s hope someone does." [Daily Express]
• Now that she's broken up with Simon Cowell, Terri Seymour is renovating her L.A. mansion. Hmm, where is she getting the cash? [Daily Mail]
• Mischa Barton has got her hands on another rock dude; this time it's Luke Pritchard of the Kooks. [Mirror]
• Director Terry Gilliam has written an essay on Heath Ledger, who died halfway though Gilliam's film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Gilliam writes: "In terms of his acting, it still rankles with me that he's dead because he would have been streets ahead of anyone else in his generation. He just kept getting better and better. He was fearless." [Guardian]
• Roger Avary, Oscar-winning screenwriter of Pulp Fiction, pleaded not guilty to vehicular manslaughter and driving under the influence of alcohol in a fatal crash from last January. [AP]
• Jerry Hall is "disgusted" with Rolling Stone rocker Ronnie Wood for leaving his wife Jo and running off with a 20-year-old Russian cocktail waitress. When he came to visit, Jerry wouldn't answer the door. Burn! [Daily Mail]
• "I guess everyone's broke so times are tough for all. But while I don't care much for club spots anyway, it would've been fun with Tommy again. Still, now I can go snowboarding with my kids. So it's meant to be." — Pamela Anderson, who had a Las Vegas gig with Tommy Lee axed due to the crap economy. [Mirror]
• "I think it's really disgusting when a celebrity isn't doing something for charity. It feels so good, and it's so easy- - when you've got the money and you've got the exposure - to give something back." — Mel "Scary Spice" B. [Daily Mail]
• "When he died, there were all these nonsensical stories coming out about Heath Ledger, James Dean and River Phoenix, all destroyed by the system - but that's bullshit. What happened was an absurd accident. I still don't understand it. I know he was exhausted - the last thing he said was that he was so tired and just wanted to sleep. You actually think at certain times angels come down to earth and Heath might have been one of them. And then he's gone and you think: this is all wrong, all the other people should be dead. He should be leading us all into a wonderful world of adventure." — Terry Gilliam on Heath Ledger. [Guardian]

Us
This cover, showing a beaming Michelle and Barack Obama emblazoned with the words "Why Barack Loves Her," is perhaps part of the subtle image makeover we referred to earlier. Us seems very concerned with portraying the clearly awesome Michelle as a non-threatening soccer mom, and more importantly, differentiating her from Hillary. Says a friend: "[Michelle] is not the least bit interested in being a co-president or participating in policy decisions…Her first priority as a first lady would be that the girls are OK, and to continue to be the outstanding mother that she is." We always go straight to Us for astute political coverage. In other news, Hollywood wags think Katherine Heigl's career will be fine despite her ankling the Emmys. Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee are back together for the umpteenth time. They're like Bobby and Whitney but with exponentially more body modification. Finally, here's some news for all the hipsters out there: supermodel Helena Christensen has been "cozying up" to Interpol lead singer Paul Banks for over six months!
Grade: C (a timeshare in Cleveland)
In Touch
Rut roh! Angelina and Brad's CRISIS AT HOME in huge pink letters! They have a lot of babies, it's exhausting, it's possibly pulling them apart, and so on, and so forth. The only good part of this four page spread is the sidebar where Dr. Drew gives Angelina the business about her whole Mother Theresa routine. "I've never seen anyone remit heroin completely," Dr. Drew said. "Is she in recovery? If she's in recovery, I don't seen any evidence of it, because people in recovery invest themselves in simple, selfless acts of service, not global self-serving acts." Burn!!! On to matters of life and death: Did Mariah Carey have plastic surgery? Survey says: Probs. Her yo-yo dieting is well known and after her most recent weight loss, she has mysterious, Tara Reid-reminiscent ripples on her tummy. The liposuction of Mimi! Bret Michaels bonded with Sherri Shepherd when he went on The View because they both have diabeetus, but he wants to do it with Elisabeth Hasselbeck. "Barbara Walters was pretty hot," Bret admitted, "but Elisabeth Hasslebeck and me, I'm just telling her, if her husband ever falls out of the picture…" Scariest tabloid news of the week: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spent $10,000 on guns because Spencer wants to be "prepared for anything." Can't wait for the Branch Davidianish FBI raid on the Speidi compound…
Grade: C+ (an unheated shack on the coast of Maine)
Star
More Brangelina business. Angie has panic attacks due to the stress of her pregnancy and Shiloh's terrible twos. Apparently she's worried about how she's going to handle "two more needy little ones in an already chaotic household." Uh, probably with the army of nannies she already employs. Miley Cyrus reportedly gets thousands of love letters from prisoners, "who claim they've taped her picture up in their cells." Creepy to the max!! Was Matthew McConaughey macking on strange ladies during a recent trip to Nicaragua while his super-pregs girlfriend Camilla Alves languished at home? If the photos are any indication (see Fig. A below), the answer is yes. An amused onlooker tells Star, "He grabbed the DJ's microphone, crawled onto a table and screamed 'I lost my flip-flops!' in broken Spanish!" Britney and Jamie Lynn are none too pleased about mom Lynne's forthcoming memoir, Through The Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, which includes such revelations as Britney bit her nails as a kid. Shocking! And lastly, Jen wants boyfriend of thirty seconds John Mayer to marry her, but he's not down. Hmm, sounds dubious.
Grade: D+ (a metal trailer in Death Valley)
Ok!
Jeebus. Even more Angelina news. This time she's not stressed. In fact, she's so into all her babies, Ok! says, she's looking to adopt another boy. She'll get the lucky young tyke from the same Ethiopian orphanage where she found wee Zahara. Ange wants to "balance the races" in her household and since Maddox has Pax, now it's "Z's turn." Speaking of babies, Britney will charter a jet to Kentwood, Louisiana, the second lil' sis Jamie goes into labor. There are rumblings that Prince William and on-again, off-again flame Kate Middleton will be married next summer. Why did Anne Hathaway stay with scuzzy Raffaello Follieri for so long? Because he's a baaaad boy, of course. "[Women] believe that if we are wonderful enough, beautiful enough or sexy enough, we will cure them of their bad ways, and make ourselves all the more beautiful," Dr. Jenn Berman tells Ok!. Ugh. In other douche-dating news, David Spade says "girls date me because I'm normal." Good to know.
Grade: D- (a motel room on Three Mile Island)


Life & Style
Just when you thought she was getting better, L&S dredges up some old dirt: Britney tried to off herself twice, says a new book. Ian Halperin, an investigative journalist who is writing a bio of Brit tells L&S, "I can't divulge too much, but I will say the suicide attempts are true. I know all the details of both of them>" The book is also about how "sleazy and destructive" her handlers were, and how Britney is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe's tragic fate. The formerly self-destructive Nicole Richie is "back to her old ways" and is losing weight. She and Joel madden are fighting a lot and she's stressed out by baby Harlow. Unlike Nicole Richie, another Nicole (Kidman) is trying to gain weight. She thinks her baby bump is too small and wishes it were bigger. She also wishes that her jugs were bigger. Are Mariah and Nick already on the rocks? "I give the marriage six months, tops," says an insider.
Grade: D- (a teepee in Chernobyl)
Fig. A:

• Gavin Rossdale says he and Gwen Stefani are not going paint the unborn baby's room pink or blue: They're going to paint it black. Goth bébé, aww. [E!]
• John Mayer looooves to fuck with us. That's why he let himself be photographed carrying a "prescription bag" with a note that read "Experimental Human Growth Hormones, 2x daily." Haha, yeah, we know, The Hulk comes out today. Calm down. [E!]
• Even if you could not care less about John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston, they do "look good together," and I hate when people say that. But it's true. Look at them. [ET]
• Is everything OK between Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan? Instead of really DJing a party she was hired to spin, Sam was "uneasy and jittery," a spy says. "All she did was pop in CDs and spent much of the night outside on the phone, texting and chain-smoking." [Rush & Molloy]
• Marcia Cross was in a minor car accident yesterday, but "everyone is fine." [ET]
• Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson? Back together? Head. Exploding. [E!]
• Supermodel Adriana Lima is engaged! The lucky dude is basketball player Marko Jaric; they've been dating for nine months. Freakishly tall and attractive kids to come? [People]

• Rumor! Rashida Jones! Office spinoff! Rumor! [E!]
• Jon Voight as a villain on 24? That's good casting. [Just Jared]
• Colombia's foreign minister is upset by the lyrics in Carla Bruni's song, the one that goes: "You are my drug / More deadly than Afghan heroin / More dangerous than white Colombian." Uh, well, as this paper notes: "Colombia produces more than 80% of the world's cocaine." Ha! [Daily Express]
• The eight-man, four-woman jury rewatched the sex tape before beginning deliberations in the R. Kelly child porn trial yesterday. What do we think? Will they find him guilty? [E!]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon may cancel their lavish $2 million wedding because no one wants to pay for pictures of the event? Tragic! For them. We consider ourselves lucky. [ONTD, via PopCrunch]
• Heidi Montag: Seen wearing a T-shirt that reads, "I want more privacy." Hahaha, fuck you. [ONTD]
• OMG they're making a new Witch Mountain movie? Mine my childhood some more, why don't you. [ET]
• It's tough to explain why I love these pictures of Naomi Campbell drunkenly passing out on the street. [The Sun]
• Naomi Campbell as a bridesmaid? Boggles the mind. [Page Six]
• A battle of the biceps involving Mario Lopez and his A Chorus Line co-star? The end result being that the co-star got a 2(x)ist underwear ad? It's too early for this. [Page Six]
• Someone swiped a $15,000 suitcase full of "bling" from a Russell Simmons Jewelry employee. Isn't Russ into like, yoga and meditation, not huge rocks? [Page Six]
• Director Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth) will never do rom coms. "Sleepless in Seattle can go fuck itself," he says. "Monsters are the most beautiful creatures in the universe. I have no interest in everyday life, except through a twisted mirror." [Page Six]
• Little Coco Arquette: Seen wearing long blond wig and "vamping it up" at a Hollywood hot spot. Apparently she "kept asking her dad to braid her 'hair,' and every time she came through the dining room, she had a new hairstyle." She turns 4 today, but that kid gets Hollywood. [Page Six]
• Is Elizabeth Hurley inspiration for a bitchy character in Ann Leary's new book? Ann is Denis Leary's wife, and Outtakes From A Marriage features a movie star who has a perfect bod and "only dates billionaires." [Rush & Molloy]
• Madonna's brother says that her husband, Guy Ritchie, is uncomfortable around "queens." A source confirms: "Guy is a homophobe. At their wedding, Chris made a joke about Guy being gay. That set the tone for their relationship." Seriously? Would Madge put up with that? [Rush & Molloy]
• Some dude is trying to sue Jay-Z for $88 million because Jay allegedly "stole" the technique of "whisper rapping" from him. 99 problems and a troll ain't one. [People]
• Taylor Hicks is a Jonas Brothers fan. [People]
• Nancy O'Dell's mom died. [People]
• Jennifer Lopez met with Barack Obama's staff. WTF. I may weep. [People]
• Zac Efron stinks. Literally. [Star]

• Photographs of Angelina Jolie's (now) unborn babies could be worth a whopping $10 million. An editor who remains anonymous actually says: "It's at the point now where some stars might decide to have more kids just to collect the money from their photos." Hahahahahaha. No. [Page Six]
  
• By the by, People's issue with La Lopez twins sold between 2 and 3 million copies; Nicole Richie's cover sold 1.8 million; Christina Aguilera's sold 1.3 million. [ONTD]
  
• Russell Simmons and wife Kimora have filed for divorce — again. He filed in March 2006, but the proceedings never um, proceeded. In any case, since they have such intertwined careers and businesses, this should be interesting. [TMZ]
  
• They secretly went out two years ago, and now Matthew Perry has rekindled his relationship with Mean Girls actress Lizzy Caplan (she played Janis Ian). She's 13 years younger than he is and it's a "friends with benefits" type thing. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
  
• Tina Fey wants Ashley Dupre, aka Kristen, to be on 30 Rock. A skit involving Jack? Or Kenneth? [Page Six]
  
• Here's video of Ashley Dupre telling a Girls Gone Wild cameraman that she is over 18 and her name is Amber Arpalo. [TMZ]

• A jeweler says Jamie Lynn Spears' engagement ring is "very 1980s, with a yellow gold band." Aw, give the kid a break, she's 16! [E!]
• Ready, set, go: Patrick Dempsey will make an appearance Saturday at Gainsco Grand Prix of Miami at Homestead-Miami Speedway. [Miami Herald]
• Lily Allen introduced a clip on a BBC3 program: "It's my favourite. It's kegging, pulling someone's trousers down in public. Childish but very funny." Since the video showed a student pulling down a teacher's pants, the schoolboard people and Association of Teachers and so on are all apoplectic. [Mirror]
• The Diddy/Tupac kerfluffle that surfaced last week was an elaborate hoax cooked up by an "overweight white kid from Florida." LOL. [Page Six]
• The L.A. Times has apologized for using the forged documents in a story implicating Diddy in the Tupac assault. Their bad! [Yahoo News]
• Tommy Lee received a tattoo on a flight to Miami, helping the tattoo artist set a Guinness World Record. Uh, ink+needle+turbulence=disaster! [Page Six]
• There is a load of fake Heath Ledger memorabilia on the market, buyer beware. [News.com.au]
• Richie Sambora could face charges of child endangerment after being busted on a DUI charge Tuesday with his 10-year-old daughter Ava in the car. Cops say the vehicle was "weaving within lanes" before it was stopped and that Sambora had alcohol on his breath and failed all the field sobriety tests. [Rush & Molloy]
• One day after Dita Von Teese sued an adult-oriented trade show, claiming they owed her $50,000, they have paid up. Justice! [TMZ]
• An inquest has begun into the death of Corinne Bailey Rae's husband, who died Saturday of an apparent drug overdose. Jason Rae, 31, was a Scottish-born sax player whom Corinne (now 29) met in a jazz club where she worked as a coat-check girl. They got married in 2001. [People]
• David Beckham played a historic soccer, ahem, football match last night: He represented the England national team for the 100th time, becoming only the 5th player to ever reach the triple figure. Score! [People]
• Boxing champ and Dancing With The Stars alum Laila Ali is preggers! Her hubs is former NFL star Curtis Conway; he has three kids already but this is her first. Congrats! [People]
• Olivia Newton-John will walk the Great Wall of China for 21 days, in an effort to raise funds for cancer research. Good luck! [E!]
• Jessica Lange denies she had plastic surgery, despite a report in the National Enquirer. Well, now we need to see pictures. [Star Tribune]
• Artist Jeff Koons is being sued for overdue child support; he's failed to pay about $2.3 million, according to his ex-wife, La Cicciolina, an Italian porn star. [Reuters]
• Brooke Shields is having surgery on her foot — an old dance injury. Ow. [Page Six]
• How do we feel about Josh Brolin playing George W. Bush in the biopic directed by Oliver Stone? [Rush & Molloy]

• If you believe the UK tabloids, which are using Italian sources, Angelina Jolie might be pregnant, OMGWTFYAY. [Mirror]
  
• Um, yeah, the UK papers are really really pushing the story that Angelina Jolie is pregnant. And Cate Blanchett too. [The Sun]
  
• Did something go wrong between Joaquin Phoenix and Eva Mendes? While they were filming We Own The Night there was talk of them hooking up — now they're snapping at each other in the press. [Page Six]
  
• Madonna dated Tupac. One more time: Madonna dated Tupac. We don't even have words. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Owen Wilson went on a date with Jessica Simpson. Is that really what he needs? [Mirror]

• Amy Winehouse was supposed to come to the US next week — and be on Saturday Night Live — but her arrest in Norway will prevent the trip. Also, her father, Mitch, says she's still suffering from bulimia and substance abuse. [The Sun]
• Britney's mom, Lynne Spears, will release her memoir next Mother's Day. Working title: Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World. How do you think it will end? [Gatecrasher, 4th from bottom]
• Blind item! "Which blond sitcom star and new mom should watch her man more closely? When apart, he likes to hit on girls that look a lot like her." [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Was Brad Pitt was turned down from the Barack Obama campaign because Obama doesn't want to seem "too Hollywood'? And are Brad and Barack 9th cousins? [Rush & Molloy]
• Tommy Lee is not pressing charges against Kid Rock for that scuffle at the MTV Awards last month. Eh, we'd already forgotten about it. [People]
• Kate Hudson's star-studded Halloween party included Ashley Olsen as a vampire, Taye Diggs as an old-skool rapper and Oliver Hudson as a guy with his dick in a box. [E!]
• Britney Spears showed up at a Virgin Mega Store in Hollywood for the release of her new album — but she couldn't find parking, so she left. [ET]
• Wanna see a picture of Kimora Lee Simmons at age 14, holding a McDonald's cheeseburger? Fabulosity! [The.Life Files]
• Southern California native Gwen Stefani is donating proceeds of her concert tonight to victims of the wildfires. [MTV News]
• Kanye West is releasing a book of "Kanye-isms," "the creative, humorous and insightful philosophies and anecdotes used in creating my path to success." Give a black man a chance! [MTV News]
• The Hills bit player Brody Jenner's mom RSVPs to parties for him. Why are we not surprised? [Page Six]
• Someone pranked a conference call with the anchors of the Today show [Page Six]
• Ivanka Trump got bounced from an New York bar for forgetting her ID. [Page Six]
• Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz broke his foot during a performance because he rocks so hard. [Friends Or Enemies]

• Britney's former bodyguard says one night he saw her "out of it" in a trashed hotel room with crystal meth paraphernalia and he "thought she was going to die." [The Sun]
  
• The bodyguard was also concerned that Britney would drown the kids. [Us Magazine]
  
• In addition, Britney was seen leaving her attorney's office in tears. It's kind of heartbreaking, isn't it? [X17]
  
• Stephanie Allen, whose family is worth about $1.4 billion, is divorcing her husband, Tony. Exhibit A in the divorce file? Lindsay Lohan, with whom Tony has reportedly gotten close while staying at Le Cirque rehab in Utah. [Daily Mail]
  
• Salma Hayek has given birth to a baby girl, Valentina Paloma Pinault. If you're thinking of sending a gift, keep in mind that Salma's baby daddy/fiancé François Henri Pinault, is the CEO of the firm which owns Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent, so the kid's probably got everything she "needs". [People]

• George Clooney and his girlfriend were in a motorcycle crash on Friday. Clooney suffered a hairline fracture of a rib and road rash; Sara Larson's foot was broken. They were treated and released from the hospital. The most disturbing part? The crash happened in Weehawken, N.J. [People]
• Mariah Carey is famous, you guys. She showed up to an event with eight "massive" bodyguards and had the bathroom shut down for 10 minutes while she primped. [Page Six]
• Las Vegas entertainment promoter Jeff Beacher is offering Kid Rock and Tommy Lee a $5 million prize to settle their feud in a winner-take-all boxing match. Dude, no one cares anymore. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which aging action hero travels around with at least three of his 'boys,' aka equally aging pals, and has them do his dirty work to get rid of women when he tires of them?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Did you know that Jodie Foster wears a hearing aid? [Daily Mail]
• Angelina Jolie's next kid may come from Myanmar. Which the Brit papers insist on still calling Burma. [Daily Mail]
• Sharon Osbourne says her son, Jack, was given OxyContin when he was 15 — by Courtney Love. [Daily Mail]

• Britney Spears showed up for her comeback at the MTV Awards "late, unprepared, and with a drink in her hand." She was also supposed to be lifted and twirled by the dancers, but refused. And she was supposed to be wearing a corset. [Page Six]
  
• Also, Britney's boot had a broken heel — could that be why she stumbled? [ONTD]
  
• And OMG did Britney's hairstylist quit right before the performance, leaving her with jacked-up extensions? [E!]
  
• While Mommy was "working," Daddy Kevin Federline threw a birthday party for Jayden James and Sean Preston. [People]

• A new version of the Kid Rock vs. Tommy Lee fight: "When Kid found Tommy sitting in his seat at the theater, Kid told him, 'Get up, mother[bleeper]!'" a source says. "Tommy said, '[Bleep] you!'" Tommy also says, "If I wasn't so wasted, I would have gotten a punch in." [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
• More MTV Awards gossip: Audience members dove for cash that 50 Cent threw in the air at a pre-awards show party and almost got electrocuted, but the money was fake; Eve's SCRAM anklet was removed on Saturday and she was immediately seen sipping champagne at a party. [Rush & Molloy, 5th & 6th items]
• Lauren Conrad: Dating Desperate Housewives star Josh Henderson? Also, so drunk "she appeared to be nodding off"? [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Does Anna Wintour choose tennis over fashion? One designer tried to push back his show to give her more time to arrive from the US Open. [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Blind item! "Which famous British vocalist, now happily settled down and living in the States, made a living selling Ecstasy in London nightclubs during his '90s career slump?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Julianne Moore has a new children's book, Freckleface Strawberry, about a red-haired speckled girl who kids make fun of. [Rush & Molloy, 11th item>
• Harry Connick Jr Turns 40 today; Ludacris turns 30. [TMZ]

• Britney "performed" at the MTV Awards. And the reviews are in! NY Post:"Lard & clear loser... Totally lame, pathetically lip-synched." Washington Post: "Disjointed and just plain boring..." NY Times: "Awful. She tottered around the stage, dancing tentatively and doing nothing that sounded or looked like real live singing." BBC: "[Her performance will] go down in the history books as being one of the worst to grace the MTV Awards". Yahoo News: "Lethargic movements that seemed choreographed by a dance instructor for a nursing home..."
  
• In other VMA news, the Kid Rock vs. Tommy Lee scuffle was probably over Pam Anderson. Kid Rock stayed after security broke up the tiff, Tommy was "dragged out." [YahooNews]

• Hmm, did Rock "sucker smack" Lee? [Page Six]
• Or did Lee get "clocked?" Also, TMZ says Kid Rock was also escorted out. [TMZ]
• And why was Tommy Lee kissing Criss Angel? [Access Hollywood]
• Stephen Dorff can't score anymore. [Page Six]
• Matrix director Larry Wachowski did not have a sex change and is still a man. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which married Oscar winner has a reputation for throwing orgies in Los Angeles where the girls are grossed out by his unappetizing sexual tastes?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Paris Hilton is suing over the use of her picture and catchphrase "that's hot" on a Hallmark greeting card. Paris Hilton owns the trademark "That's hot." [USA Today]
• Is Amy Winehouse trying to have a baby? [Fametastic]
• Pete Doherty says Kate Moss hated his music. [Mirror ]

• Jude Law was arrested for allegedly assaulting a photographer outside his home in West London. [The Sun]
  
• Is Chelsy Davy moving to London to be near boyfriend Prince Harry? Also, y so many ys? [The Sun]
  
• Britney's bodyguard has been formally charged with battery after last month's scuffle with paparazzi in Las Vegas. [Extra]
  
• Halle Berry, 41, confirms she is 3 months pregnant by her boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry, 32. Anyone want to volunteer to babysit? [People]
  
• Did Tommy Lee have sex on a banquette in the Hamptons? Maybe it would be news if he didn't.[Page Six]
  
• "We would drive around and listen to [David Bowie's album] Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars while enjoying a little marijuana." So says the guy who dated Madonna when she was 14 — just one of many stories uncovered by a biographer. [The Independent]
  
• Was Nicole Kidman secretly engaged to Lenny Kravitz at one point? [Page Six]

• Jamie Foxx, elevator diva! [Page Six]
• Zach Braff is now subjecting actress Shiri Appleby to his "charms." Bonus: she's Jewish! [Page Six]
• Newsflash! Criss Angel, of Mindfreak fame, is just a "press whore" who is "using" Britney for publicity — he's not even helping her with her MTV VMA performance. [Page Six]
• Ellen Barkin teases paparazzi. [Page Six]
• Owen Wilson's family doesn't want Kate Hudson anywhere near him. Ouch. [Gatecrasher]
• Katie Couric called a New York restaurant to have food delivered to her daughters — she made the call from Iraq. [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Paul McCartney and Renee Zellweger: "very cozy" ???? [Rush & Molloy, 3rd item]
• Drew Barrymore and "Hi, I'm a Mac" actor Justin Long: lip-locking? What about Spike Jonze? [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Shaquille O'Neal has filed for divorce. He makes $20 million annually in his contract with the Heat and more in endorsements. He and his wife, Shaunie, are the parents of six children. [USA Today]
• Kate Moss has a new boyfriend, Jamie Hince from "uber-trendy" band The Kills. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse performed at the Mercury Music awards! She sang "Love Is A Losing Game." [Telegraph]
• Amy also told a newspaper why rehab doesn't work for her: "I'm of the school of thought where, if you can't sort something out for yourself, no one can help you." Yikes, okay. She also said, "Normal people spend time thinking, 'What am I going to do with my life?' I spend my time drinking." [Mirror]

Welcome to Midweek Madness — our weekly gagazine fest with Intern Maria, who always wears cute outfits and makes us scared to leave the house looking like we do —in which we "read" the weekly tabloid magazines. So you don't "have" to.

Star
•Cover Story: "Angie's Down to 98 Pounds!" (pages 42-45). Star says that Angelina is still scary-skinny, having hot flashes and collapsing. Why? Because of her mother's death and her "punishing schedule". A cover story? Really? And this qualifies as "news" according to whom? The carrier pigeons who just delivered the Reader's Digest to Star's bureau in Bhutan?
•"Lindsay's Rehab Confessions" (pages 36-37). Star reports that some fellow rehabbers at Promises are spilling info from Lindsay's group-counseling sessions. The secrets: Lindsay has problems with men (no shit!) and uses alcohol as a means of coping with her own "social anxiety". Also: The staff at Promises worry that Lindsay might be bulimic, and Lindsay has told her mom Dina to put the brakes on her reported TV show before she ruins her other kids' lives.
•On page 49, Star runs an "exclusive" on a woman's three-month affair with George Clooney that she described to the U.K.'s Daily Mirror. (Funny how we thought that fact sort of made it the Daily Mirror's exclusive!) Star takes a little liberty in clarifying the woman's story by making sure to add that she is an "exotic dancer": "We kissed and cuddled into the early hours, but he didn't make me feel like a[n exotic] dancer"
•Nicole Richie has popped around 73,000 pills (pages 40-41)! Star editors calculate this number by taking the word of an "insider" that she used to take 50 pills a day starting at age twenty, then multiplying that by six years, then subtracting two of those years because she went to rehab a bunch of times. The story also contains the following pull-quote from an "insider": "Since she was 20, Nicole has taken enough pills for an entire population." An entire population of, um, moderately relaxed people?
•New contender for the Celebrity Couple You Least Want To Imagine Fucking Award: Tommy Lee and Kimberley Stewart (page 19).

US Weekly (Otherwise known as the New Yorker of celeb weeklies!)
•Cover Story: Hollywood's Hot New Diet! (Pages 50-55) Have you heard? Jessica Simpson has slimmed down a bit. Her trainer plugs his new book The 5-Factor Diet. A bunch of other celebs lost weight too! The trick apparently is eating fewer calories and exercising! The story contains the sentence: "(Go to 5factordiet.com for book and delivery service details.)" Wow, US really knows how to put the "service" in "service journalism!"
•Kyra Sedgwick poses the question "What is really the difference between putting makeup on and having stuff shot up your face?" (Page 16). Well, Kyra, besides the needles, and the money, and the fact that you can't steal a little evening Botox from Sephora, we're totally drawing a blank!
•Jessica Biel has officially had enough fake-tan sessions to play Mariane Pearl in the sequel to A Mighty Heart. (Page 37)
•"Us Plays Ask the Shrink!" (Pages 68-71). US asks Dr. Drew Pinsky to analyze celebrity behavior. According to Dr. Drew, Britney and Kelly Clarkson are the craziest, the latter for stating in Elle magazine that she doesn't want to get married. We think Dr. Drew is kind of crazy for thinking anyone who grew up listening to Loveline isn't totally afraid of twentysomething dudes.

In Touch
•Cover Story: "Nicole's Bump Gets Bigger!" (Pages 40-43) InTouch still wants to believe that Nicole Richie is pregnant, saying that she is avoiding alcohol. Yeah, in much the same way we avoid alcohol!
•Heroes star Hayden Panettiere's mom is trying to beat Dina Lohan in the department of Stage Moms Who Try Too Hard. (Page 17.) Seriously, who would mistake a woman wearing pantyhose for someone young enough to be Hayden's sister?
•Larry Birkhead moves into Anna Nicole Smith's house, classing up the joint with a leopard-print chair! (Page 45.)

Life & Style
•Cover Story: Wedding News! (Pages 40-42.) Can Life & Style find an excuse not to mentino The Hills' blondiful Heidi and Spencer? No they cannot! Also, the magazine's editors calm our fears that Jennifer Aniston might be rushing into things with her boyfriend of two-weeks, Paul Sculfor. Cause we were worried!
•Apparently Angelina Jolie wants to get married (pages 32-35) and Brad Pitt says that "his life began" the day he met her, thus creating a whole new barrage of stories for following week about how "Jen is hurt by Brad, again" and "Brad gives Jen the final message: it's over for good!"

Our pick: US! Though we sincerely hope Dr. Marc Siegel was not behind their estimate that John Mayer was once 225 pounds!

• Nicole + Joel "The topic of marriage and kids has definitely come up," says a source . Yeah, that'd turn out great.L&S, 42
• Halle Berry + KFed lookalike Gabriel Aubry "God knows we're trying!" to generate zygotes together. L&S, 43
• Jessica + John Shacking Up, have been dating "nearly a year"
• Justin+ Jessica "She also stopped calling and texting JT"...and now he's obsessed! L&S, 40
• Ryan + Scarlett "She's trying hard not to get too attached just yet." L&S, 35
• Renee Zellweger + John Krasinski of The Office "Renee tends to develop crushes on her costars"..."John is a totally handsome tall drink of water..he's a total flirt!" Star, 47
• L.C. + Jason L.C. thinks Jason "deserves" jail, Heidi has "no comment" as to existence of sex tape. US, 40
• Pam + Tommy "Tommy was lying on top of Pam, and they were kissing passionately.." Star, 20