• Elizabeth Edwards (and her cheat-of-a-husband John) sat down separately with Oprah Winfrey for an interview that will be televised later and appear in O. Elizabeth asked that Oprah not use the mistress's name. [Associated Press]

• Someone is apparently going to file an ethics complaint against notorious anti-choice Governor Sarah Palin for saying that she backs a parental consent ballot initiative, as though there's some doubt that she feels exactly that way. [ThinkProgress]
• Palin is also going to be part of the GOP's "re-branding" efforts, as though her brand recognition among moderates and independents isn't part of what's wrong with the GOP brand. [Politico]
• Michelle Bachmann doesn't like the idea of White House orgies or wads being blown... but she sure does think about them a lot. [Politico]
• Caroline Kennedy dropped out of the Senate race because her kids thought the stress was making her a bitch. [NY Post]
• Maybe if she'd said that earlier, David Paterson's approval ratings wouldn't be in the toilet and Attorney General Andrew "Shucking And Jiving Is Not A Racist Term" Cuomo wouldn't look like the next governor. [Politico]
• Switch-hitting Senator Arlen Specter is now going to face at least one Democratic primary challenge in Pennsylvania because of the whole "not going to be a loyal Democrat thing" and his unwillingness to change his mind on the Employee Free Choice Act and health care, even though he only took those positions to stave off a primary challenge when he was a Republican. [Plum Line]
• And although he is swearing he never promised fealty to the Democrats, everyone else says that he did. That is why no one in Washington ever really trusts a party-switcher. [Plum Line]
• Now that Republicans realize that Pat Toomey probably can't take the state, they are lining up against Toomey in the primary, including former governor Tim Ridge. [Washington Post]
• Joe The Plumber doesn't want "queer" people around his kids, so he's turning over custody of them to his wife and vowing never to see them again. What? He himself defined queer as "strange and unusual," so it obviously fits! [ThinkProgress]
• Republicans have agreed that Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions will get to lead the charge against Obama's judicial nominees until 2010, when Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley will take over. [The Hill]
• Oh, and brace yourself: we're about to give a shitload more money to the banks. [Wall Street Journal]

• Not that it's surprising, but the 43 economists of the Economists' Policy Group on Women's Issues graded John McCain and Barack Obama on 10 issues of importance to women and Obama came out ahead. McCain got an "F" because the group was concerned that his positions would do harm to women. [US News & World Report]
• They probably didn't take into account, though, that the highest paid person on McCain's staff in October was a woman. She's, um, the woman that does Sarah Palin's make-up, and she got $22,800 for the first two weeks of work. [Huffington Post]
• Once upon a time before Ahmadenijad or Chavez came to power, McCain was casting votes in Congress to get the Reagan administration to sit down with an Mozambique group designated as a terrorist organization without preconditions. [Huffington Post]
• And long before Obama met Bill Ayers, McCain was palling around with Chilean dictator and human rights violator extraordinaire Augusto Pinochet and his pals. [Huffington Post]

• Speaking of domestic terrorists, people that bomb abortion clinics and assassinate doctors aren't, in Palin's Weltanschauung. For some reason, that sounded right-er in German. [Firedoglake]
• For those people keeping track of these sorts of things, Palin announced today that the McCain-Palin Administration would except disability programs from its spending freeze. So far, they're exempting defense spending, homeland security spending, veterans programs, science programs and disability programs. Kinda makes you wonder what they are actually going to reduce spending on. [Washington Post]
• Tom Ridge thinks that maybe John McCain would be doing better in Pennsylvania if he'd picked Tom Ridge as VP, but he totally supports Sarah Palin. Tom Ridge: not as blindingly stupid as one would assume if one watched his performance at Homeland Security Secretary. [CNN]
• In a stellar end of the week for the campaign, former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, former Massachusetts Governor (and Republican) William Weld, former Minnesota Republican Governor Arne Carlson and current McCain adviser Charles Fried announced they were all voting for Obama. But they just did it because they're bla... Oh, wait, they're all white. I'm sure Rush Limbaugh will find another reason. [Christian Science Monitor, Talking Points Memo]
• The Republican Party in New Mexico has hired a private investigator to go around and harass elderly Latino voters and try to intimidate them from voting by threatening those completely legal citizens with deportation. [TPM Muckraker]
• In further Republican stupidity and assholery, noted asshole Michelle Bachmann has taped an ad apologizing for calling for the media to investigate anti-Americanism in Congress. Left out of the advertisement is the text of the legislation she'll introduce if re-elected to force Congress to conduct the investigation. [Politico]
• And Joe the Motherfucking Plumber is going to run for Congress in 2010, like anyone will give a fuck about him on November 5th. [The Hill]

9:27 ET: And, he's out. Back to obscurity for you, Tom Ridge! Enjoy Penna. Join me in the McCainiac thread!

9:25 ET: Volunteers have to lead the crowd in shouting "That's John McCain," because it's a shitty repeat line. I mean, my God, these people will shout "drill, baby, drill," so you know that's bad.

9:23 ET: This went from being a political speech to a crappy sermon. It's not doing a damn thing for the crowd, it's amazing in its mediocrity.

9:20 ET: John McCain can negotiate with trust and respectability because he's already got the respect of our allies. Of course, mostly we have to negotiate with our non-allies, but, details!

9:18 ET: If you can make it through this night drinking every time someone says "victory," you should really go to detox.

9:17 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

9:16 ET: Tom and John McCain are friends because they both like shitty jokes.

9:14 ET: What color is your fear? Tom Ridge knows.

9:11 ET: The background music to the film? A slower synth version of the theme to "Dallas."

9:10 ET: They're showing the Palin film that Ferret Face talked through last night.

9:09 ET: When faced with rumors that you are gay, avoid gesturing with your thumb in the way Lindsay Graham just did, as the first thing that runs through sick people's minds it that thumb up someone's butt.

9:04 ET: John McCain supported The Surge despite it being political suicide because it was the right thing to do.

9:01 ET: Boos for Moveon.org.

9:00 ET: Lindsay Graham is up. "This speech is for the troops." Does that mean I can resume ignoring Lindsay Graham?

9:00 ET: Another reporter leans over and says, "That dancing down there reminds me of 'Janet Reno's Dance Party.' Or Elaine in 'Seinfeld.'"

8:57 ET: "Danger Zone" time! But there is not a single person here who looks like Maverick and Goose shirtless, let alone Iceman. Also,thing maybe the Maverick reference is why they chose this song? Because, otherwise, it's like they're saying that John McCain will take this country into the Danger Zone...

8:53 ET: He stopped talking. It's country music time: "Put Me In Coach" it is seemingly called. I'd YouTube it for you, but then you might slick through and I wouldn't do that to you. It's way lame, which is what there are a shitload of Texans all dancing in time. I took video, which I'll spend three hours uploading to YouTube tomorrow or something because it amuses me.

8:49 ET: By the way, they've moved the podium back so I don't have any ass views. Also, Joe Gibbs has yet to say anything interesting but he just. keeps. talking. Good thing I have coffee.

8:47 ET: Joe Gibbs. They "neglect" to mention his Redskins coaching.

8:46 ET: Bye!

8:44 ET: He says "It's God first, then family, then country." Snarky reporter number two says, "Can't he read? It's country first." I say, "God, country, same thing, isn't that what we're learning here?"

8:43 ET: Brian Clay is an Olympian. Who he is requires the longest explanation of the convention so far. Also, he has kids. He's a God-y.

8:42 ET: "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

8:41 ET: They show Rudy Giuliani and people applaud. Fucking a.

8:40 ET: The show the second plane striking the tower, the pit, the Pentagon. On the night of 9/11, I looked out on my balcony and could see the Pentagon burning over the trees. Fuck this political shit, for real. This is kind of very offensive.

8:39 ET: Creepy terrorist film. NINE ELEVEN BABY.

8:38 ET: She stopped talking.

8:37 ET: Another reporter asks me, "We have 3 branches of government, right? The military, the executive branch and... the legislative?" I am so in the right section tonight.

8:36 ET: NINE ELEVEN BABY

8:35 ET: By the way, barbers in Oklahoma City gave first responders free hair cuts. That's, like, un-Americans giving away something for free. Also, she's all talking about tragedy and if it weren't for the crazy echo, Republican delegates would be drowning her out.

8:33 ET: Other woman I don't know. Someone in the crowd does, though. Hey, remember when those white guys bombed that Oklahoma City building and everyone thought they were all Islamic and shit and then they weren't and everyone felt bad about stereotyping and being jingoistic? Good times.

8:29 ET: "Footloose" plays. Some small number of people dance in a tortured fashion. Don't they know that the only acceptable way to dance to this involves jumping around and step-ball-changes and general 80s awesomeness? I am tempted to show them but the press area is crowded and the Secret Service is all up in here for the first time. Who knew they read Jezebel?

8:29 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:28 ET: He believes in American exceptionalism, and that we have a God-given destiny. My snark about that is interrupted by my laughter when he says that "We need leaders that forego the earthly pleasures of now."

8:26 ET: "The other side says 'Yes We Can' and then votes 'No You Won't." John McCain says, "'Yes We Will.'" Well, it may be a stupid mockery of Obama's slogans like every other GOP slogan so far, it's fucking better than "drill, baby, drill." Hey, that's a rhyme!

8:24 ET: Americans live for something bigger than they are? HAHAHAHAHA!

8:23 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:23 ET: Sam "Snowflake Baby" Brownback is here. "You ready to rock, America?" It is hard to type while cringing that hard.

8:21 ET: This woman is determined that I will personally not ignore her, because she keeps repeating the word "Megan."

8:19 ET: Buh-bye, Bill. Going to ignore the military lady, since not even I know who she is.

8:18 ET: "We will make extreme poverty history." Think Bush already did that.

8:16 ET: He went to Rwanda. These are Republicans, hon, they don't care.

8:15 ET: No one else is paying attention to Brain-Dead Bill either.

8:13 ET: Reporter next to me says, "I can actually tell from watching him on that computer screen that he is brain dead." I vote for zombie.

8:12 ET: Bill Frist, "live" and in the flesh.

8:12 ET: Pawlenty, over and out.

8:10 ET: "Sam's Club voters"? I'm a Sam's Club member because I'm a cheap bitch not because I'm a Republican.

8:10 ET: He knows John McCain, just like Carly. Or maybe not just like Carly.

8:09 ET: Pawlenty went to Iraq? WTF does that have to do with governing Minnesota?

8:08 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:07 ET: "The best Sermons aren't preached, they're lived." Tell that to all the hypocritical sermonizers in D.C.

8:06 ET: Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is glad we're here.

MEGAN: Hey, what's up? Is it weird that I'm not hungover but I feel enough out of it that I might as well be?

SPENCER: Can you believe that the District of Columbia revoked my driver's license just because I decided not to pay a ticket that I got in New Jersey a couple months ago?

MEGAN: Quite honestly, kind of. I know other people who have gotten their licenses revoked for that kind of thing. I always winced a little when you mentioned that, but everyone knows I'm a goodie two-shoes except when it comes to D.C. parking tickets. And then I'm a soulless, conscienceless scofflaw.

SPENCER: You, I know, have a system in place for [redacted] when you accumulate tickets. Ingenious

MEGAN: Shhhh. Anyway, so, doesn't it feel to you like this VP picking process has gone on forever? Like they're just playing chicken with one another?

SPENCER: According to Adam "Ad Nags" Nagourney, it all ends as early as tomorrow:

Mr. Obama had not notified his choice — or any of those not selected — of his decision as of late Monday, advisers said. Going into the final days, Mr. Obama was said to be focused mainly on three candidates: Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana, Gov. Tim Kaine of Virginia and Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. of Delaware.

I say no to Bayh, maybe to Biden, and yes to Kaine. Tell me what you think

MEGAN: Well, I'm on record as feeling like Bayh is just a Washington climber who never, ever wants to have to go back to Indiana, and I'm betting he ends up with a cabinet job, but then I saw this rumor that an Obama staffer said it was him to CNN plus screencap of the now-pulled story and I got a little worried. I have no idea why he'd pick Biden, honestly, I want to believe he's just a red herring. I couldn't believe Kaine would saddle the state with a Republican governor by leaving (who would then get to run for a term of his own, bypassing Virginia's term limit law), but then I remembered he's a politician.

SPENCER: I heard about that. If he picks Bayh, the left will go fucking firecrackers. My friend Max even set up a facebook group against Bayh, and these guys already feel seriously dissed by Obama after FISA.

MEGAN: I miss Sebelius speculation.

SPENCER: Let's talk Kaine in a second. Why would he pick Biden? Biden, writes Jon Cohn in TNR — an honest man at a dishonest magazine — has that foreign policy expertise and that pugilism:

If Biden is the choice, I think it would speak well of Obama's judgment. Biden has a deep and impressive resume: Not only is he the guy who orchestrated the defeat of Robert Bork back in the 1980s, but he can also claim among his legislative accomplishments the Violence Against Women's Act, which is no small feat. He's smart, articulate, and is a bona fide expert on foreign policy: In other words, he's certainly capable of assuming the presidency in an emergency, which is really the most important criteria of all.

Joe Biden also has a good critique of TNR, for that matter. Four years ago I went to interview him for a piece about Kerry's counterterrorism strategy for TNR and he was trying to figure out whether I wanted him to say that Kerry would take a more targeted, al-Qaeda-centric approach or would just kill all the Arabs "Your magazine," he said (this is from memory), "has to figure out whether it's liberal or neoconservative, already."

MEGAN: Ha, this douchebag and his syncophants (one of whom emailed me last night to castigate me, by the way) are suing to get the VAWA thrown out as unconstitutional. Also, I love that he said that to you.

SPENCER: Oh shit i have to read that post! PS, don't fucking Twitter while we're doing Crappy Hour. You forget I'm on your feed!

MEGAN: I was waiting for you to type! I don't dislike Joe Biden, I honestly could see him as Secretary of State, but I really don't think this election is going to be won on foreign policy issues with the economy in the crapper.

SPENCER: Biden: I like the pugilism a lot. Don't expect it to be won on foreign policy. Picking Biden would be to tamp down McCain's only (if you believe the polls) advantage, leaving him with nothing while Obama kicks his ass on the economy

MEGAN: And he's a great speaker. But Delaware? And your friend Jon's right about that bankruptcy bill, that was a huge giveaway to the credit card companies... and sponsored by Arlington Congressman/wife-beater Jim Moran. He'd like me to come to his women's issues forum with Donna Brazile. Maybe if I bring a small, African American child he can smack him for the crowd.

SPENCER: That's a dream, man! I'm really equivocal on Biden. He voted for the war, though he calls it a mistake. In reality, he didn't want to vote for the war, he was terrified of getting smeared as unpatriotic like he did after he voted against the first Gulf War and this was a year after 9/11.

MEGAN: I see your point, but I think Kaine's a trade-up. Plus, bonus Catholic points, since Obama isn't going to win a ton of evangelical votes.

SPENCER: Now: Tim Kaine. I know nothing about him and like him!

MEGAN: That's pretty much Tim Kaine's advantage right there.

SPENCER: He's white and dimply and Virginian and I guess kind of liberal and didn't vote for the Iraq war, so that works for me. You, my friend, are the Virginia resident among us, so make the case. How liberal is he?

MEGAN: The eyebrows are killer, though. With all the smack Sebelius took for her response to the State of the Union, I can't believe no one brought up his.

SPENCER: A bunch of activists on a listserv I'm on seem to think he's unacceptably less-than-deep-blue.

MEGAN: He's a serious Catholic, I'm guessing that freaks some liberals out. But he's a serious Catholic seriously personally opposed to capital punishment who nonetheless denies clemency requests to prove that the Pope ain't the boss of him, or something, so I don't love that about him. That part makes me miss Mario Cuomo.

SPENCER: How is he as a governor?

MEGAN: I mean, I think he's been a pretty decent politician, the legislature here is pretty right-wing and he's successfully pushed stuff through and kept crap from going through. He's been pretty good on transportation issues, which are huge up here in NoVa, but were he not on the short list, I would guess that he'd be remembered as a serviceable but not spectacular governor unless he does something crazy at the end of his term.

SPENCER: Yeah, northern VA is all wine-swilling assholes like you. Jesus CHRIST if I make my Windy deadline this morning it'll be a miracle...

MEGAN: Actually, if Obama takes Virginia and Colorado, he can lose Florida or Ohio. And, I'm sorry, McCain's best feint on getting a Virginian on the ticket was Eric Cantor, so...

SPENCER: HAHAHAHAHA if McCain has to get a Virginian it will speak desperation. Not like the bravery of choosing Joe Lieberman!

[McCain's] top contenders are said to include Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. Less traditional choices mentioned include former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, an abortion-rights supporter, and Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, the Democratic vice presidential prick in 2000 who now is an independent.

MEGAN: I'm actually amazed that there's not a single Southerner on McCain's short list.

SPENCER: Joe, Joe, Joe! Make the GOP ticket the most jowly of all time! If McCain goes with Lieberman, I reverse my choice and hope Obama picks Biden, just because Biden will tear the living shit out of Lieberman in any debate.

MEGAN: Oh, fuck yeah, that would be popcorn and beer time watching that! At what point in the race do you think Lieberman would start undermining McCain the way he did Al Gore?

SPENCER: Not even SLIGHTLY and here's why. Lieberman is animated by the classic neoconservative grievance of rejection by his first love, the Democratic Party. Jacob Heilbrunn's book goes into this pathology in detail. And honestly, I have to admit I understand it, given my inability to let go of this whole TNR shit. That's why Lieberman has been such an eager attack dog for the right ever since he lost his primary in 2006 — he wants, and wants badly, to redress what the left did to him. He's not actually rightwing. He's anti-anti-left, and ferociously so.

MEGAN: Well, you know, if you want to be a hawk, don't expect a bunch of doves to come flocking to you.

SPENCER: He's obsessed with his own transcendent righteousness. Whatever, if Obama is going to tell me who the pick is by texting me, then McCain will announce his pick by telegraph-machine. A cavalcade of whimsy!

• John McCain is in the midst of a two-day sweep through Pennsylvania with former governor Tom Ridge, who was the first-ever Secretary of Homeland Security, igniting speculation that he'll be McCain's choice for the Veep slot. You might as well just take your shoes off now and leave them off until 2012. [CNN, CNN]
• Actually, never mind. Wear whatever shoes you want, bring your water bottles to the airport and don't worry if you're a minority or a Muslim or anything: President Bush says we don't have any problems. [Think Progress]
• Howard Wolfson says Clinton would've won if Edwards had dropped out because of his problem keeping Little Eddie sheathed in his drawers. Only, you know, probably not. But she definitely would've been if Howard had stopped wearing that ugly sweater. [Newser, HuffPo]

• Clinton will headline the Democratic National Convention on Tuesday night — the 88th Anniversary of women receiving the right to vote. That means, if you didn't know, she won't be the VP nominee. [Washington Post]
• The Russians are dividing and conquering Georgia pretty effectively today. That part where they said they wouldn't enter Georgia territory? A total lie, of course. [Associated Press]
• The FBI was reading the emails of reporters for the Washington Post and New York Times without warrants or probably cause or anything. Luckily, mine are so boring the FBI wouldn't bother. [Washington Independent]
• That Preppie Killer guy is headed back to prison for dealing coke because [cue world's smallest violins] he couldn't find a way to support himself after he got out of prison for killing a woman. [CNN]