This Week in Tabloids: Angelina and Brad's 'Bizarre' Parenting Methods

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. Every Wednesday, Callie Beusman heads to the newsstand to purchase the new issues of In Touch, Life & Style, Ok!, Us and Star, so that together we may dig into moist, rich celebrity tabloid dirt. This week: Tom Cruise is wearing his midlife crisis on his face; Kim Kardashian spent $23K… » 4/09/14 3:20pm 4/09/14 3:20pm

Charlie Sheen Denounces Phil Robertson's Bigotry with a Weird Poem

After bigoted duckpreneur and Sweetums stuntman Phil Robertson expressed his very strong preference for vaginal intercourse and his very pronounced disdain for gay people, the first question everyone asked was: Why is Duck Dynasty even a thing, anyway? The second question was: What does Charlie Sheen, himself a… » 12/22/13 11:30am 12/22/13 11:30am

Semi-Rational Tom Cruise Didn't Really Compare Acting to Soldiering

Yesterday, word spread that ageless human branding mechanism Tom Cruise had been quoted comparing his job (as a punch-kicking thespian who has the most demonstrative "running really fast face" in Hollywood) to that of a soldier. In Afghanistan. Cool story, bro, sneered the Internet, as everyone was collectively… » 11/10/13 11:00am 11/10/13 11:00am

Tom Cruise Admits He Didn't See Suri for 110 Days After the Divorce

I'm pretty much with Tom Cruise about the 'bloidz being invasive dicks to him after his divorce from Katie Holmes, and it's not like I know enough about the situation to be on anyone's "side" anyway, but the revelation that he didn't see Suri for 110 days after the divorce is surprising. That is a lot of days! Not… » 11/07/13 8:00pm 11/07/13 8:00pm

Lindsay Lohan Is Getting $2 Million To Let Oprah Life Coach Her Ass

The inside of Lindsay Lohan's brain is composed of vodka, PediaLite and one failed Tyra Banks music video, but this hasn't deterred Team Oprah from offering her $2 million actual American dollars to feature an 8-part docuseries on OWN about LiLo's life and struggles. (For context, she got $1 million from her Playboy » 7/16/13 9:00am 7/16/13 9:00am

Kanye Accused of Cheating on Kim With Rando Canadian 'Model'

As the birth of the Kimyeby draws nigh, a 24-year-old Canadian model told the Star — truly the hallmark of upstanding journalism — that Kanye West cheated on Kim Kardashian with her after explaining that they were just together "for publicity and nothing serious." Says Leyla Ghobadi: "This is going to destroy the… » 6/12/13 9:00am 6/12/13 9:00am

Ughhh, Will Kate Winslet's Baby Have the Last Name Rocknroll?

GUYS, Titanic was on the Hallmark Channel a while ago, and now I am thinking that perhaps this was the magic eve* that Kate Winslet became pregnant with her first child from her third marriage to Ned Rocknroll, the gadabout nephew of Richard Branson. Her two older children, 12 and 9 respectively, are from her… » 6/05/13 9:00am 6/05/13 9:00am

Lindsay Bluth's Face Overshadows Arrested Development Comeback

It seems like everyone who binged on Arrested Development's Season 4 the moment it hit Netflix (i.e. the entire Internet) has been sipping on some hot ham water and talking about how different Portia De Rossi's face looks on the show. As is often the case in these situations, plastic surgeons were called upon to… » 5/30/13 9:00am 5/30/13 9:00am