Look: We need to talk (again) about America's asswipe situation. Clean butts are important, but the fine people who keep our sewers and water treatment plants flowing do not deserve the hell we are visiting upon then.
Look, as a couple you swap spit and all kinds of bodily fluids. Sure. But the personal grooming and toiletry area is a sacred space where a lady deserves her own damn razor and toothbrush.
Asswipes are all the rage right now. All the big toilet paper companies — from Charmin to Cotonelle to Scott — are manufacturing moist wipes, in an effort to clean up shit-smeared American heinies and keep skidmarks at a minimum. The problem? Sewer systems are getting completely jacked up.
As if being a woman wasn't difficult enough—what with all the not having control over important decisions about our own bodies, making less money than our male colleagues, and, yes, let's play the childbirth card—we are also routinely hit with financial penalties just for having the balls to be born with a vagina.…