Take a deep breath and get ready for an ovary-explosion, because the folks at J. Crew's Crewcuts have cast some adorable little whippersnappers. Free shipping!

The June Anthropologie catalog looks like a Southern Gothic novel come to life, compete with dilapidated porches, lonesome shores and shoes fit for hardscrabble dusty roads. All that's missing is the story… So we wrote one.

Memorial day is the unofficial start of summer, and J.Crew has what you need to kick off the season: Slinky little bathing suits, preppy little shorts, and dresses so hideous you may need to shield your eyes.

Will your upcoming three-day weekend involve grilling, margaritas or making ice cream? It could, if you buy pricey gourmet gadgets from the new Williams-Sonoma catalog!

Endless, reed-lined beaches. Eclectic, fanciful kitchens. Chaise lounges and soft lighting. Flip through a catalog, and you are the star of these idyllic, aesthetically pleasing worlds. Let's allow ourselves to fall into the fantasy for a moment, shall we?

Born in 1911, Orton graduated from Rutland Business College in 1930 and then "did the bookkeeping, processed the orders, paid the bills." No word on how she felt about the cock rings and vibrators. [NY Times, Earlier, Earlier]

The Pyramid Collection catalog promises "myth, magick, fantasy and romance." And it delivers: Vampires, faeries, Regency-era heroines — the gang's all here!

Food porn time! The new Dean & Deluca catalog features a dark chocolae cake, a fresh pear tart and tons of candy. Grab a fork!

Studded jean vest/jackets! Poopy-crotched "harem" pants! Sith Lord-inspired hooded tops! There's never a shortage of fug at Urban Outfitters, and April's catalog is no exception. Before we get to the clothes, let's discuss the decapitated young lady on the cover:

Spring has sprung all over J.Crew's face, and this April catalog has more flora than a botanical garden. It's worth paging through, though, to get to the hot guys at the end. Grab your Claritin, we're going in!

I picked up the new SkyMall catalog on a flight over the weekend. Maybe I'm getting old, but I was surprised at how dangerous some of the crap seemed. I thought, "Could you use junk from SkyMall to kill someone?"

The back cover of the March Free People catalog featured The Ugliest Shoes Ever Conceived. Viewing those shoes was such a traumatizing experience, we delayed actually looking inside the pages, should worse monstrosities lurk there. Guess what? They do!

A reader points out the latest Nordstrom catalog, terming it "Plus-sized done right: No 'clothes for curvy women' headings, no congratulating themselves for using full figured ladies, just two pretty ladies wearing beautiful clothes." True. And yet...

Spring has sprung, and if you're looking for dreamy dresses shilled through illustrations and creative writing essays, the J. Peterman catalog is for you!

Vivid verdant backdrops dominate March's Anthropologie catalog, which showed up in mailboxes last night, and the tropical fever dream carries right into the clothes: Hothouse flowers splashed on swimsuits; palm-leaf print dresses. The shoes, however, should be burned like kudzu.

In December, Free People issued a catalog full of Woodstock-y, Summer Of Love-ish, hippie-dippie threads being sold for preposterous prices. Not much has changed! Ahead: Flower child dresses, bamboo bloomers and overalls so expensive you'll have to sell your VW.

The new J. Crew catalog uses Portugal as a gorgeous backdrop to push awkward-length shorts, hideous shoes and icky socks. Vacation like an ugly American!

This catalog features the type of Barbie that stays sealed in a box, taunting little girls. That's probably for the best, because Mattel is dressing babies as '70s sex symbols, making cracks about working women, and encouraging heavy peroxide use.

How do I love thee? Let me get my wallet and count the ways. I mean, bills. Shopping at Dean & Deluca is all about the Hamiltons. Still: Let's drool over rich chocolate, melt-in-your-mouth cupcakes and mothertrucking goat cheese.