The film, opening today, is very similar to writer and director Susan Bier's 2004 film Brodre, but critics say that in its American adaptation screenwriter David Benioff (who wrote 25th Hour... and X-Men Origins: Wolverine) and director Jim Sheridan (In the Name of the Father, In America), fail to capture the psychological intensity of the original. Both films focus on what happens to a soldier's family when they are mistakenly told he died in combat. (Sadly, the war in Afghanistan has gone on for so long that five years later, the new version didn't even have to change the war the main character is fighting in.)

In Brothers, Sam Cahill (Tobey Maguire), a Captain in the Marines, returns to Afghanistan for his fourth tour of duty and is presumed dead when his Black Hawk helicopter is shot down. While Sam got good grades in high school, married Grace (Natalie Portman), his cheerleader girlfriend after high school, and had two adorable daughters (Bailee Madison and Taylor Geare), his brother Tommy (Jake Gyllenhaal) has always been the black sheep of the family. When the film begins, Tommy has just been released from a three year prison sentence for armed bank robbery; his Vietnam vet father Hank (Sam Shepard) makes it clear that he wishes Tommy could be more like his older brother and, when the family gets the news that Sam is dead, Tommy tries to become a better man and take care of his brother's family. His acts of kindness, unfortunately, backfire: Sam's a different man when he returns from being tortured by the Taliban, and he begins to suspect that Grace and Tommy had an affair while he was gone.

The reviews for the film are mixed. While one critic calls it "the most successful remake of a foreign film since Martin Scorsese reworked Infernal Affairs into The Departed," others say the story takes too long to set up and never really comes together. Natalie Portman manages to create a nuanced character, even though her role as the stereotypical grieving wife is underwritten. Like many recent films about Iraq and Afghanistan, the movie doesn't take a political stance on armed conflict, hoping to simply focus on the impact that war has on soldiers and their families. Brothers however, may not be complex or compelling enough to accomplish that task. Below, the reviews:

Reel Views

Brothersis arguably the most successful remake of a foreign film since Martin Scorsese reworked Infernal Affairs into The Departed and won the Oscar. By remaining rigorously faithful to Susanne Bier's 2004 Danish feature, Brodre, screenwriter David Benioff and director Jim Sheridan manage to retain the themes and psychological nuances of the original while opening it up to a wider English-speaking audience. Subtle differences in the way the actors interpret the characters and small omissions, additions, and changes allow Brothersto stand on its own. This is a powerful, disturbing film that explores common cinematic territory - the ability of war to destroy the individual - without seeming clichéd or familiar.

Reel Views

Brothershas no political axe to grind and, unlike many films that have used the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq as a backdrop, it has no agenda to pursue beyond the basic one of depicting the dehumanizing consequences of conflict (any conflict, not just today's). The film is antiwar in a general sense, not because it disagrees with the underlying reasons for the war but because it sees a human toll that often goes unreported and unnoticed. News reports would see Sam's story as miraculous - a brave hero originally thought dead being recovered and returned to the bosom of his loving wife and daughters. The reality is grim. Sam's psyche has been shredded; nowhere is this more profoundly obvious than when he finds himself unable to reconnect with Isabelle and Maggie and haunted by a belief that Grace and Tommy are having an affair. He is a broken, dangerous man - the kind of person who has been shaped into a weapon but no longer has a clear focus. By rising above politics and simplistic notions about whether the current war is "right" or "wrong," Brothersis able to offer honest, compelling drama. The film is not unremittingly bleak; in fact, impulses of love and caring define all of the characters in one way or another. The situation is heartbreaking but Sheridan does not flinch in depicting the events that break and remake Sam from the loving man he was into the cold shell who returns. The film ends not mired in bleakness but on a well-earned note of hope.

The New York Times

Reviewing Ms. Bier's Brothers in this newspaper, Stephen Holden referred to the ideas of the psychoanalyst R. D. Laing, who studied shifting roles and identities within family systems. The difference between that film and the remake may be that while Ms. Bier's movie evokes psychological theories, Mr. Sheridan's seems to be applying them... Mr. Gyllenhaal and Ms. Portman, whose role is frustratingly if unsurprisingly underwritten, draw nuances out of the charged air between them. But the characters in Brothers are more shadows and ideas than flesh and blood. They lack specific gravity, a sense of rootedness in family and social reality that would give ballast to the film's intense emotions.

New York Magazine

At times, Brothersis like a less-mythical (and -pretentious) The Deer Hunter, with Maguire even managing to suggest something of Robert De Niro when he was young and thin and wired-when you could see his every cell react. As to the other two leads, Sheridan has gotten the best performances of their young lives. As much as I like Gyllenhaal, I've often found him fuzzy, as if he's wary of losing control. Is that why he's so affecting here? The dissolute Tommy turns out to be as tightly wound as his older brother, only too scared to focus. He looks pitifully vulnerable as he the supposedly dead Sam's family and becomes protective. Portman has the kind of role that turns actresses into dullards: the wife who stands and looks stricken at her man (or men) in paroxysms of rage and grief. But she's so grounded that as the others carry on, your eyes keep drifting to her. Yes, she's almost unbearably pretty, but it's her immediacy that keeps you glued to her face.

The Chicago Sun-Times

Sheridan and his screenplay sources make Brothers much more than a drama about war and marriage. It is about what we can forgive ourselves for - and that, too, has been a theme running through Sheridan's films. As an Irish Catholic of 60, he was raised to feel a great deal about guilt. This becomes Tobey Maguire's film to dominate, and I've never seen these dark depths in him before. Actors possess a great gift to surprise us, if they find the right material in their hands.

USA Today

Maguire reveals a coiled ferocity and a convincingly unhinged, haunted quality. It's a little tougher to buy Gyllenhaal's sweet-natured Tommy as an armed robber. His transformation into a responsible good guy happens swiftly. Still, the two actors bear a resemblance, and their chemistry is evident. Portman is subdued and reactive in a part that doesn't call for her to do much else.

Salon

Of the three leads, Gyllenhaal gives the finest performance. He's jittery and charismatic — his eyes shift uncomfortably, as if he were constantly looking for escape... When [Sam] Shepard and Gyllenhaal appear in a scene together, the air around them is charged — it's as if the searching, vulnerable quality in Tommy's eyes registers as a taunt in the manly-man world of his father. The chemistry is a lot less charged, unfortunately, between Gyllenhaal and Portman... She holds back too much here, as if she has more invested in playing a dutiful wife and mother than she does in playing a human, sexual being. That may not be wholly her fault. My biggest reservation about Brothers is the way it downplays, and too readily smooths over, the sexual attraction between Tommy and Grace. I'm not suggesting that this Hollywood version of Brothers needs graphic sex. (The original didn't have that, either.) But I worry that Sheridan, intentionally or otherwise, may have muted the characters' attraction to one another out of fear that American audiences expect more virtuous behavior from their war-torn families.

The Hollywood Reporter

In a parallel story, the film shows the appalling experiences of Sam and a fellow soldier (Patrick Flueger), who survived the crash but fell into the hands of the Taliban. Unfortunately, this is the weakest section of the film. Bier depicted the real horror in Sam's mental and physical challenges as well as his subtle relationship with his fellow soldier, so you believe the officer would snap and commit a soul-killing act in order to survive. This event is never convincing in the remake.

Variety

Portman has rarely been more movingly subdued as a wife and mother who refuses to let grief overpower her sense of responsibility, while Gyllenhaal is effortlessly believable as a drifter who finds, to his delight and ours, that fatherhood suits him well. Sheridan's empathetic touch with tyke actresses, so evident in 2003's In America, pays off beautifully in his work with young Madison, who's heartbreaking as the older and wiser of the two Cahill girls. With his crew cut and stiff posture (in contrast to Gyllenhaal's looser stance), Maguire is downright scary as a guy who seems to be headed the way of Pvt. Pyle in Full Metal Jacket. But he still looks a tad boyish for the part (Ulrich Thomsen was in his 40s when he played the role for Bier), and his decision to go explosively over-the-top at moments only exposes Sam as a psychological construct — more walking antiwar statement than full-blooded human being.

Time Out New York

So much of the preceding is goo-laden with mopey guitars and adorable kid shots, Jim Sheridan's dual faults as a director. Still, shouldn't we expect fireworks when an emaciated, paranoid Sam confronts the family he can no longer connect to? There's an unwillingness to deliver the payoff; Brothers feels less like the Oscar-bait cinema we expect this time of year as much as an ersatz version that requires you to fill in the gaps. (The nearness of the recent The Messenger doesn't help.) We're supposed to creep up to the idea that war can steal more from a person than life and limb. That can't be conveyed in a few simple scenes of kitchen histrionics. Sheridan brings on U2's chords of healing way too soon.

The A.V. Club

With all these elements in place - brother against brother, intimations of adultery, and post-traumatic stress disorder at the top, not to mention alcoholism, crushing guilt, a cruel father, and assorted other crises - Brothersseems like a powder keg ready to go off. And though someone clearly lit the fuse on the normally mild-mannered Maguire, the film takes a leisurely hour to get to its dramatic core, with scenes from Afghanistan on loan from The Deer Hunter. Still, the intrinsically powerful material occasionally pierces through, with Gyllenhaal especially strong as a reformed yahoo who suddenly takes on more responsibility than he seems capable of handling. Brotherssupplies him and the other actors with a slew of big dramatic moments, but the emotions ring louder than any truths.

The New York Post

Having seen the trailer for Brothers and now the finished film, I feel as though I just watched the trailer twice. A thin script written by David Benioff and directed by Jim Sheridan (who based his film on a Danish one) is merely a promising first draft, a vague drama that is sort of a soapy love triangle ("I thought you were dead!" etc.) and sort of an inquiry into the post-battle trauma afflicting a Marine captain burdened by a gruesome secret about his captivity in Afghanistan... The movie is reasonably compelling and decently acted, but at no point is it convincing. It skips past essential plot points (why would the military report the Marine dead instead of MIA if his body was never found?), as well as deeper emotional quandaries.

The Washington Post

Is it a movie you'll enjoy? Not enjoy, so much as appreciate. Or maybe recognize. Adapted by writer David Benioff and director Jim Sheridan from a 2004 Danish film of the same name, Brothers is depressing as hell. And, like most war movies these days, it ends on a note that's far from hopeful. But it's good, and wise, and it feels true. Meaning, it hurts... Though the term post-traumatic stress disorder is never mentioned, the film is one harrowing case study in PTSD, with a long, lingering emphasis on the P. As Sam notes, in voice-over, at the film's bleak and wrenching conclusion, "only the dead have seen the end of war."

• Jon Gosselin's (possibly ex) girlfriend Hailey Glassman says Jon lied when he said he was spending Thanksgiving at his grandma's, and was really snowboarding. [ONTD]

• Tobey Maguire assured his wife Jennifer Meyer she has nothing to worry about when it comes to his love scenes with Natalie Portman in Brothers. It's called "acting." [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle cried after singing on The Today Show, and some upstanding person got it on video. [UPI]
  
• Kathleen Turner and her daughter spent Thanksgiving feeding hungry seniors. [NYDN]
• Rashida Jones refuses to answer questions about her possible relationship with John Mayer. How many people can John Mayer be "possibly dating"? [Page Six]
• Tyler Perry is being sued for stealing song lyrics for a song in Madea Goes to Jail. [NYDN]
• A launch date has been set for the Spice Girls musical nobody asked for.[The Sun]
• Jermaine Jackson claims that the recent suicide of the father of the accuser in Michael Jackson's child molestation case proves that Michael was innocent. Many might say the opposite, since the accuser's father was widely criticized for "selling" his son to Jackson for millions of dollars. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila will agree not to sue a porn site that she claims shows her stolen sex tape if they pay her $280k. [TMZ]
• MacKenzie Phillips claims she's been "uninvited" to her family's Thanksgiving this year, which would no doubt be extra-awkward. [Access Hollywood]
• Rihanna's former neighbors are arguing because one of them harassed Rihanna while she lived next door. [TMZ]
• Boy George claims to be off drugs for good. [Daily Express]
• Avril Lavigne was spotted making out with a "dead ringer" for her ex-husband Deryck Whibley the other night. [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty could face a murder probe in the death of a man who fell or was pushed off a balcony after an argument with Doherty and others. [The Sun]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has dedicated the latest edition of her Goop newsletter to the memory of her father, Bruce. [The Mirror]
• Eminem says he should be a judge on the British talent show The X Factor. [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted in the Bahamas with his ex, supermodel Bar Rafaeli. Those two just can't stay away from each other. [Daily Express]
• With Dubai in financial trouble, Brad Pitt might have to scuttle plans to build a hotel there. Aww. [Guardian]
• I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here's Jordan begs Peter Andre for a reunion. [The Sun]
• Zac Efron says Guardian interview went "to a weird place." [Guardian]
• Posh Spice learned her lesson and left a good tip at Medieval Times during her most recent outing to the theme restaurant/theater. Question: Why does Posh Spice have to go to Medieval Times? [TMZ}
• In addition to every other reason to hate him lately, Michael Lohan is over $15k behind in child support payments. [TMZ]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger owes nearly $80k in back taxes. But probably not for long. [TMZ]

• Lindsay Lohan is in Morocco for the opening of some resort and was spotted kissing Gerard Butler at the launch party. She allegedly said:

"He's hot, he's mine! I've got no ring on my finger so I'm going to have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world." Of course, since Gerard was linked to Jen A, this piece begins: "It seems there is yet more heartbreak in store for unlucky-in-love Jennifer Aniston." [Daily Mail]

• Lindsay Lohan Tweeted from Morocco: "some guy was following me, then pulled up in his car&pointed a GUN at me! The guy started laughing&pushed the trigger&it was a fake gun..I was crying..he scared me." [Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay's dad Michael Lohan — who's been talking about kidnapping his daughter and doing some kind of intervention, has been threatened with imprisonment by Dina Lohan, who says: "He is hurting Lindsay. It breaks my heart. She says, 'Mommy, when is he ever going to stop?' He is also six months behind in his child support. On Monday we will file a violation order and if he doesn't pay he'll go to jail." Oh, and you know those voicemail messages Michael was going to play on TV? Dina fumes: "He's getting a cease-and-desist letter so that's not going to happen. If it's something personal about your child, you don't go public with it." Dina also says: "He is desperate and spiraling out of control." [Daily Express]
• "My father is a lunatic & doesn't even deserve such a title since he's never been around in my life other than when he'd threaten me & my family. He should be where he has always put himself after verbally abusing and physically abusing people all my life-behind bars. It's so sad to get a phone call from my baby sister just now asking, 'why is daddy doing this?' Through tears. He's crossed the lines & hurt me & my family 4 the last time." — Lindsay Lohan. [People via Lindsay's Twitter]
• Michael Lohan says he'll stop talking if Lindsay goes to rehab. "But if the lies continue and the prescription drug use doesn't stop, neither will I." He also says: "I wasn't going to let people hear Dina's drunken rants about Lindsay, and I certainly wasn't going to let people hear anything about Lindsay, but now that Dina and Lindsay continue to lie and deny their problems, and even make up stories about me, NOW you will see and hear Lindsay's calls and texts. I am NOT the liar, they are. Hopefully then, they will realize how deceptive and in denial they are and finally realize that lying and denial are part of their addictions. I am sorry I had to take this route, but I have tried and tried to help Linds and I have been lied about long enough." [Radar Online]
• Kelly Bensimon was spotted being civil at her Halloween party! "She was dancing and saying hi to everyone," a partygoer says. "A lot of people were kind of shocked at how nice she was being." Kelly was also totally buddy-buddy with former frenemy Jill Zarin, who came dressed as Poison Ivy. [Gatecrasher]
• Tonight TLC will air Kate: Her Story, in which NBC's Natalie Morales sits down with Kate Gosselin for "her most intimate interview to date." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Precious is getting Oscar buzz, but the cast and crew are being cautious. "I know nothing about that," Mariah Carey said when asked about the Academy Awards. Director Lee Daniels said: "I'm in my bubble. The minute I embrace that concept of Oscar buzz then I'm in the fetal position with the covers over my head, chain smoking with a bottle of tequila, sitting next to the phone waiting for my agent to call me. I can't go there, I don't even embrace it." [Mirror]
• "As far as the Oscar, this being my first film, I'm having the best ride of my life. I don't know what makes an Oscar-winning actress. I don't feel like Halle Berry or Meryl Streep. I just feel like Gabby." — Gabourey Sidibe. [NY Post]
• Katie Holmes has replaced Liv Tyler in an indie comedy called The Romantics and will also serve as executive producer on the flick. The plot: eight friends from college reunite for a wedding. The cast includes Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Malin Akerman, Elijah Wood, Adam Brody and Jeremy Strong. [Variety]
• Even though some of her items were recently returned to her, Paris Hilton feels "very, very violated" by being burglarized by the Teen Thieves. I could write that I feel very very violated after seeing her topless sex tape pix all over the Internet but whatever. [The Sun]
• One of Lady Gaga's earliest memories is watching her mother going through her fashionable closet: "She always looked so much more pristine than all the other mothers. I have a lot of her in me." At the link, see Gaga in a pink wig and studded mask. [ONTD via Flare Magazine]
• Ewan McGregor and George Clooney are both in Men Who Stare At Goats, but it's not the first they've worked together: In 1997, Ewan guest-starred on ER as a robber who gets shot; Clooney was the surgeon who tries to save him. "I was literally unconscious," Ewan says. "He was just doing all the dialogue over my undressed body." [USA Today]
• Your moment of Zen: Click to see Jon Stewart, his wife and kids dressed up for Halloween! [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
• Blake Lively was a brunette flight attendant for Halloween; Penn Badgley was a 1970s basketball player. Michael Kors was a hippie. [Gatecrasher]
• Coco and Rihanna celebrated Halloween with an interesting skin-to-costume ratio. [The Life Files]
• The guy who was arrested for attacking Ryan Seacrest's security guard was training to be an actor and TMZ has video of one of his scenes. [TMZ]
• On December 7, Carrie Underwood's two-hour Fox variety show, Carrie Underwood: An All-Star Holiday Special will air, featuring a duet with Dolly Parton and a trio with Christina Applegate and fellow Oklahoman Kristin Chenoweth. She'll also sing with American Idol alum David Cook: "We sound really good together, point blank… Out of all the people that have been on Idol, he's my best friend." [USA Today]
• In The Last Station, Helen Mirren plays Sofya, Tolstoy's wife of 48 years and the mother of his 13 children. Mirren, whose real name is lynea Mironov, felt a connection with her character: "My great great grandmother was a Russian countess and one side of my family was Russian aristocracy; the other was English working-class, so I'm a good contradiction." And: "This is one of the great women's roles in film. Sofya is a wonderfully tempestuous and passionate person." [Telegraph]
• Mark your calendars: January Jones, aka Mad Men's Betty Draper, will host Saturday Night Live on November 14 — with the Black Eyed Peas as musical guests. November 21, it'll be Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the Dave Matthews Band. [EW]
• Despite all the scandal, The Late Show With David Letterman hasn't shown lower ratings. It's down 8% in its coveted 18-49 demo but up 13% total viewers… Compare that to The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien, which is down 15% in the demo and down 47% in viewers. [Reuters]
• Cute pic of Sam Ronson on the back of Mark Ronson's scooter. [Daily Mail]
• Edward Norton ran the New York Marathon with an unofficial time of 3:48:01. He and 3 Masai warriors — and others, including Alanis Morrisette and David Blaine — ran to raise money for the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust. [ONTD]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the New York marathon as well; pic at the link. [Gatecrasher]
• Model Veronica Webb also ran the marathon. [Page Six]
• The cast of Glee will be presented with a Hollywood Diversity Award later this month. [Reuters]
• A waiter at high-end restaurant Clarke Cooke House in Newport, Rhode Island asked Kevin Spacey not to smoke in the establishment. Spacey called the guy an "aggressive prick" and the guy got fired. [Radar Online]
• At the link, Sparkle Vamp Robert Pattinson does his best James Dean for Vanity Fair. [ONTD]
• Speaking of the Sparkle Vamp: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will allegedly be on the December cover of Harper's Bazaar. [WWD]
• Mel Gibson is a father for the eighth time: His girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva had a baby girl on Friday. By the by, Oksana is 39; Mel's eldest daughter Hannah is 28. [Daily Mail]
• Kelly Rowland plays a happy housewife and mom of triplets in the new 50 Cent video, although there's a twist at the end. [The Life Files]
• Clive Owen's costars can't stop gushing about how awesome he is. [The Star]
• Tila Tequila is auctioning off a plaster cast of her boobs to help raise money for breast cancer awareness. [Page Six]
• "British film icon Sir Michael Caine has abandoned his support of the Labour party and announced he will vote Conservative at the next general election." [Telegraph]
• RIP August Coppola, Nicoalas Cage's dad and Francis Ford Coppola's brother. [Page Six]
• Q: Did you ever think that the dancing baby was ridiculous?
  A: "No, honestly, I was quite intrigued by it. I thought it was smart! Obviously, it was symbolic of Ally's biological clock ticking away, and I thought, what a great way to do that. I loved the fantasy sequences; I loved that we got to see her imagination come to life." — Calista Flockhart on Ally McBeal. [Newsweek]
• "Would you take a photo with me? I love Asians!" — Anthony Anderson. [Page Six]
• "What do you mean, you don't know who I am? I'm on Bravo." — Chad from Million Dollar Listing. [Page Six]
• "In the area of our veterans coming home with traumas or PTSD or whatever, it's one of those issues that isn't pretty to look at. We ask these people to fight for us and risk their lives, and certainly potentially alter their outlook of the world or how they react to things. I think it would be nice for us as a society to have some more awareness of what they go through, and to take on some more responsibility for the results of our asking them to go over there." — Tobey Maquire, who plays a Marine captain who survives captivity in Afghanistan only to find his relationship back home with his family — and his self-image — changed, in the family drama Brothers. [LA Times]
• "[The movie] is definitely not a history lesson. It's very relatable. She doesn't get on with her mother. She's in love for the first time. She's a teenager. And she's in a job where she's in way over her head." — Emily Blunt on the teenage Queen in Young Victoria. [LA Times]
• "I think parents need to take a lot more responsibility than they do about whether it's OK for their children to go to Resident Evil or any other movie with violence or sex or whatever. It's really easy to blame Hollywood for violence having an effect on kids, but movies would have no power if parents would just set their own standards. And it's the same with video games." And: "I did this movie .45 that kind of never saw the light of day, it went straight to DVD. I really connected with this character who was a victim of domestic violence but ends up taking control. I think a lot more women today are taking control as opposed to being the kind of stereotypical female who's weepy and gets abused by men. Women are more educated now about abuse. It's not like it was in the '80s. I think they're much more in control of all aspects of their lives. I think Japanese girls are fascinated with strong women. Their culture really puts such a focus on being subservient. Like, you go to Tokyo and they bow and they want to make sure everything's good. That's like a cultural phenomenon. So I think to see a woman kicking butt and using weapons makes them feel a little empowered. So there's a huge fan base for the Resident Evil movies over there." — Milla Jovovich. [ONTD via Parade]
• "I don't want to be a movie star like Angelina Jolie. Nothing about being a celebrity is desirable. I'm an actor. It's bizarre to me that everybody's so obsessive." — Kristen Stewart. [Showbiz Spy]
• "I like to iron. Ironing is comfort. It's control. I'm a nutty person who likes to make sure everything is in its place." — Sandra Bullock. [The Life Files via Parade]
• "I think I'm just misunderstood. I'm not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]. I don't sing. I don't dance. I'm not a Nobel Peace Prizewinner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC… Half the stuff I've done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn't have done. I know that but I did it anyway. It's like fame canceled out conviction. I want to apologize to Kate in private… I'll apologize to her for openly having relationships in the public eye. That was a huge mistake, because if she would've done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off. Not because our relationship is over, it's almost like a stab in the back. And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it." — Jon Gosselin. [People]

• Have mercy. Will Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy be turned into a film? That would mean a movie based on a book based on reality show based on someone's life. LC says:

"We're hoping for a movie deal. I'm working on [adapting the book for the movies] right now, but I don't want to commit to anything until I see all my options." [Gatecrasher]

• Here's an article devoted to dissecting, mocking and nitpicking Madonna's "stringy" arms. [NY Daily News]
• Old love letters Madonna wrote are up for auction; she refers to herself as "Lil' Booty" and "Lola Montez" in honor of a famous mistress of King Ludwig I of Bavaria. Yeah. [Page Six]
• Oh Kate Major. One day you're a reporter for Star magazine, the next you're "dating" Jon Gosselin; and now you're being accused of having a former life as a high-priced call girl. [Extra]
• Would you watch a Jon Gosselin reality show? No Kate or plus 8 — just the Ed Hardy-wearing bachelor doing… stuff? [E!]
• A stylist who worked with Mischa Barton on the set of The O.C. says the actress developed an alcohol problem in her teens. "Mischa has been drinking since she was about 14, and she doesn't drink to have fun any more - she drinks not to feel anything…It was just a matter of time before she hit rock bottom." [The Sun]
• Mischa Barton is out of the hospital and "has every intention" of rejoining the Ashton Kutcher-produced CW drama The Beautiful Life when it resumes production in a few weeks. [E!]
• "Amy Winehouse 'Stole Cocaine From Kate Moss's Handbag.'" So says Blake Formerly Incarcerated, who seems to be spilling all kinds of tales now that he and Amy are divorced. Anyways, that was then. [Daily Mail]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart stayed in the same hotel, on the same floor, in San Diego Wednesday night before Comic-Con. ZOMG true love! Twilight is real! [E!]
• George Clooney is being linked to Elisabetta Canalis, who hosts the Italian version of MTV's TRL. [Daily Express]
• Hold on to your ovaries: Jon Hamm vacation pictures. [Best Week Ever]
• Speaking of Jon Hamm, he'll star with Ben Affleck in The Town, a flick about a a bank robber who becomes smitten with the teller of a bank he held up. Hamm plays an FBI agent. [Variety]
• There were rumors that John Travolta was leaving the Church of Scientology, but his rep says, somewhat ominously: "There's no change in the relationship between the Church of Scientology and John. He is a member and it's as it was, now and forever." [People]
• On June 25, the day Michael Jackson died, Dr. Conrad Murray gave him the powerful anesthetic propofol through an IV sometime after midnight. [AP, AP]
• "Authorities believe Dr. Murray may have actually fallen asleep during the time the drug was administered and may have awakened to find Jackson already dead from heart failure. An IV drip of Propofol allows a constant, steady infusion of the drug for a period of time determined by the person administering it." [TMZ
• The toxicology report is expected any day now, and will play a role in whether Dr. Conrad Murray is charged with manslaughter. [People]
• "Michael Jackson's children could miss out on a $20 million life insurance payout – because an aide allowed the policy to lapse." [Telegraph]
• Paula Abdul still does not have a deal with American Idol. A source says: "She sees the big money Ryan Seacrest got, she knows that Simon is close to a huge deal, too. She feels like it's personal that she's not getting the same big numbers." Or! Gender gap??? No, but seriously: It's gotta suck to know your coworkers are bringing in millions more than you are. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Meryl Streep and Amy Adams have started the Julie And Julia promotional appearances! [Mirror]
• Kristin Davis has a new man, celebrity photographer Russell James. [People]
• Why did Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush break up? A source says: They never get to see each other, ever." [People]
• Wait, what? "Pink accuses Christina Aguilera of being a lesbian who wants to sleep with Lindsay Lohan." [ONTD]
• Yes! RuPaul's Drag Race Season 2 has its first contestant, and her name is Jessica Wild. Love the accent, and the energy — video at the link. [EW]
• Tobey Maguire's mom, Wendy, and brother, Weston, will be in a reality show called Growing Up Maguire; Weston rides motocross, skateboards and snowboards. [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey, Diddy and Lil Wayne were supposed to release albums this summer, but all have been delayed until September. [Reuters]
• Diddy ate dinner while gazing upon a billboard of himself. [Page Six]
• Elizabeth Mitchell from Lost is also on the new show V, and talks about joining the cast of the new show while still working on the other, and credits fans with keeping her character around. Video at the link. [EW]
• Lucy Lawless has nude scenes in her new Starz show, Spartacus, and in this video asks, "Have you ever been fitted for a merkin?" [EW]
• "A California judge appointed a lawyer Monday to oversee the estate of Nadya Suleman's octuplets, saying he wanted to ensure they weren't exploited by reality television shows, tabloid photo spreads or other paid ventures." [NY Daily News]
• Hitting on Keri Russell when she is with her kid doesn't impress Keri Russell. [Page Six]
• Dubliners took to the street and protested U2's noisy all-night stage dismantling, which caused the band's trucks to miss their ferry, which affected the tour schedule. [AP]
• Sir Sean Connery may come out of retirement to narrate a film about former servicemen involved in nuclear testing on Christmas Island in the Indian Ocean. [Daily Express]
• Dominic West is in a new film with "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko and says: "I thought I was going to get involved in a mud wrestle with her, but, in the end, she had a 12-foot spear, so I didn't really get anywhere near her." [Telegraph]
• Uh-oh, Chris Tucker owes over $3 million in back taxes. Where has he been lately, anyway? [TMZ]
• Want Joan Rivers roast jokes? Get 'em here. A sample: "You're like Robo-Cop, you're half-human and nobody's given a shit about you since 1986." [Page Six]
• "Peter Andre has hinted that his estranged wife Jordan had a miscarriage with their baby due to excessive boozing during her pregnancy." [The Sun]
• "I love sickos. Dennis Nilsen, Fred and Rose West, Ted Bundy — I'm obsessed. I've always been into that kind of stuff — real cut-up, blood and gore murders." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "Pete dumped me by phone," Katie Price claims. [The Sun]
• "The Broadcasting Complaints Commission has upheld a complaint against RTÉ for allowing actor Gabriel Byrne to endorse Dublin City Council election candidate Mannix Flynn on the Late Late Show one week before the poll." [Irish Times]
• "Quentin got the Jewish director to do the Nazi propaganda film. [And] I thought I'd never do anything more disgusting than Hostel II." — Eli Roth on his Inglourious Basterds role. [Page Six]
• "We have a horrendous row within days of being reunited because it's annoying to have someone else telling you what to do and then we get over that and we are really happy." — Helen Mirren on her marriage to Taylor Hackford, whom she is often away from for months at a time. [Daily Express]
• "It's a lot different from anything I've done before. It's not a pop-rock record. This is more about emotion and feeling." — Avril Lavigne on her new album. [Reuters]
• "It's based on all of Lewis Carroll's material, including the 'Jabberwocky Poem.' Past 'Alice' films were always just a girl wandering around passively with a lot of weird characters. We tried to weave it into a story that has emotion to it and makes sense. I've seen many of the different versions of 'Alice' over the years. I know there was a musical porno movie I remember seeing in the '70s. And lots of other different versions." — Tim Burton on his Alice In Wonderland film. [Reuters]
• Q:What does Johnny Depp bring to the Mad Hatter? A: "He likes dressing up. I think with the Alice in Wonderland characters, they've often been portrayed as just crazy without much subtext, and I think he tried to bring something, an underlying human quality to the craziness. He tried to understand it a bit more...We try to give each character their own particular craziness. And he's good at sort of exploring that, I guess because he's crazy. I don't know." — Tim Burton. [Reuters]

• Samantha Ronson reportedly returned home at 5am last night to find that Lindsay Lohan had been waiting on her stoop for hours. The paparazzi caught Linds crying, demanding to know where Sam had been, and shrieking, "I'm your girlfriend!"

• Lindsay had apparently been waiting with an anonymous friend who Sam kicks out saying, "She's on my property, I don't know her, I want her out." The girl leaves and Lindsay follows Sam into the house, slamming the door behind her. Video here: [TMZ]
• Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have split, reports US. "Nobody cheated," said a source. Didn't they just go to Africa together? [US]
• A car Katie Holmes was sitting in on the Australian set of Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark started sparking and burst into flames seconds after she got out due to a problem with the car battery. "Katie was very shaken by the ordeal," said a source. "She took the rest of the day off while special effects staff looked over the faults. Katie has filmed scenes since but it has made her think about her safety on set. She will be shooting the same scene at a later date." [The Daily Mail]
• "A source very, very, very, very close to Jon Gosselin" revealed exclusively to RadarOnline.com that Jon is secretly still dating both Hailey Glassman AND Kate Major." Two things: is the source "very, very, very, very close to Jon" Jon Gosselin? Also, if this is how Jon keeps a secret what's his version of a public announcement? Is he going to go door to door introducing us to his new girlfriend? [Radar Online]
• A reporter Kate Major used to intern for at Chicago Now says Kate told her she and Jon Gosselin are together but he "can't talk" right now due to his "situation," meaning his pending divorce and contract with TLC. [Chicago Now]
• Tony Romo has instructed security to keep Jessica Simpson out of his Dallas home. A sign at the entrance to his gated community reads "RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN....JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS." [Us]
• Here's some good news: Rihanna's rep says that though she and Chris Brown stayed at the same hotel over the weekend, it was just a coincidence and they're not back together. Maybe she can explain that concept to Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart fans too. [MSNBC]
• A parole hearing took place today for the man who killed Kelsey Grammer's sister in 1975 in an attempted robbery. Grammer tried to attend the hearing but his flight was delayed, so he wrote a letter saying his sister was "smart and good and decent," and "I can never escape the horror of what happened" to her ... "Please do not release this man from prison." The parole board decided Karen Grammer's murderer will stay in prison for at least another five years. [TMZ]
• Kelly Clarkson's new single "Already Gone" has the same backing track as Beyonce's "Halo" and Clarkson says it's all the her music producer's fault. "No one's gonna be sittin' at home, thinking 'Man, Ryan Tedder gave Beyonce and Kelly the same track to write to ... no, they're just gonna be saying I ripped someone off," she said. [TMZ]
• The I.R.S has filed a $7,373 tax lien against P.Diddy's Atlanta restaurant Justin's Restaurant. Diddy says it's all a big mistake: the I.R.S. was sending notices to his identically named restaurant in New York that closed a few years ago. [The Detroit News]
• Tito Jackson has confirmed that Michael Jackson's body is at Forest Lawn cemetery. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Debbie Rowe just showed up at the Beverly Hills office of her former boss Dr. Arnold Klein, supposedly to visit another doctor who works in Klein's office. [TMZ]
• Fans at a Jonas Brothers concert this weekend concluded that Joe Jonas broke up with Camilla Belle after he changed the lyrics to a few songs and appeared to cry during the song "Camp Rock." [The Mirror, Perez Hilton]
• Now Camilla Belle's rep has confirmed the breakup explaining, "There is no third party involved and they care deeply about each other and will remain friends." [People]
• BREAKING: Victoria Beckham went to dinner with her hair in a bun. [The Telegraph]
• Sacha Baron Cohen has been threatened by the group of Palestinian terrorists featured in Bruno. A representative for The Martyrs Brigades released a statement saying they are "very upset" and will "respond in a suitable way." [The Telegraph]
• Lost creators Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof dropped some spoilers about season six at Comic Con, which you can read about here: [N.Y. Magazine]
• We're learning more fascinating details about Jennifer Lopez's 40th birthday party on Saturday night. Liza Minnelli, Gayle King, and various Lopez family members were in attendance, and a witness says J.Lo and Marc Anthony "were affectionate with each other and obviously loving the night. Marc's arm was around Jennifer a lot, they'd give each other pecks on the face every now and then. She was clearly pleased with how the night went." [People]
• Entertainment Tonight just figured out that Mischa Barton has been released from psychiatric evaluation (even though Us reported it last week.) [Entertainment Tonight]
• Joel Madden says he's working on a memoir about his experience with kids, relationship, and moving to L.A., "but I don't want to put a book out there if it's not actually meaningful. I'm not going to go there unless I can deliver." [People]
• Robert Downey Jr. will star opposite Zach Galifianakis in Due Date, a comedy about an expectant father (Downey) trying to get to the birth of his first child. Director Todd Philips of The Hangover describes it as "a buddy comedy without the buddies." [Yahoo]
• Robert Downey Jr. said he thinks he and Jude Law have a special chemistry in Sherlock Homes, joking, "It's called circumstantial homosexuality." He added that even in real life, "We just became really close really quickly, because we just rolled up our sleeves and started working from jump." [People]
• Tobey Maguire wrote a letter to Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Tom Harkin saying, "As a parent, I am contacting you because I am deeply concerned that unhealthy school lunches are contributing to our nation's childhood obesity epidemic. My wife and I just had our second child, so this issue is tremendously important to us…Let me ask you please to ensure the Child Nutrition Act provides more fruits, vegetables, and healthy vegetarian foods. Young people deserve healthful food, and I can't imagine a better investment in the future of our country." [Politico]
• "I haven't chosen any other action films since Kill Bill because I felt that everything else just sort of paled by comparison. I don't like to get lulled into some hole that I can't get out of." — Uma Thurman [The Daily Express]
• Megan Fox says she's too afraid to watch horror movies, but she enjoyed starring in Jennifer's Body because, "For me to be able to play something that I would normally be frightened by was really intriguing and interesting... It's cool to see myself being able to scare people because I'm just a little girl." [People]

• Tobey Maguire and his wife, Jennifer Meyer, who already have a daughter together, two-and-a-half year old Ruby, now have a son; their second child was born Friday and "the family is healthy and happy." [People]

• Meanwhile, Jason Priestley is also preparing for the arrival of his son. Priestley's wife, Naomi, has confirmed that the couple (who already have a 22 month old girl) is expecting a baby boy. "They are so excited," says a source, "They said this is probably it for them because now they'll have one of each." [People]
• Heidi Klum and Seal who have two sons and are raising Heidi's daughter, Leni, together, are expecting a baby girl. "We'd be happy with either," says Heidi, "But it would be a lie if I said we all weren't hoping for a little girl — especially Leni, because she would love to have a little sister." [USWeekly]
• Sandra Bullock, however, isn't sure she ever wants kids: "You don't have to give birth to someone to have a family. I'm not going to spend two seconds of my life wishing I had something I don't," Bullock says, "It's hard to do it your way when you hear everyone else telling you to do it their way, I just want people to admit that there's no one way to live your life." [USWeekly]
• Is Bob Dylan hiding the fact that he's had several wives and children? [DailyMail]
• Taylor Swift likes to check up on her exes from time to time: "In my spare time I like to drive past my ex boyfriends' houses. I'm not like throwing eggs; I just like to check up on them. Everybody does that - it's just that nobody admits to it!" [ShowbizSpy]
• Mia Farrow has ended her fast after 12 days, claiming that her doctors warned her about health concerns, including seizures. "I am fortunate," Farrow says, "The women, children, and men I am fasting for do not have that option. When beginning this fast twelve days ago, I said that when I could go no longer, I hoped another would take my place, and another, and another, until the expelled humanitarian agencies are readmitted and finally there there is finally justice and peace for the people of Darfur." [DailyExpress]
• Akon owns a diamond mine in South Africa and says you can't believe everything you read: "I don't even believe in conflict diamonds," he says, "That's just a movie. Think about it. Ain't nobody thought about nothing about no conflict diamonds until the movie came out. Where was all that shit before the movie? That's the problem with people - they believe everything they read or see on TV. Unless you go to Sierra Leone and see what's going down, don't believe everything you're reading or see on TV. Trust me." [Independent]
• "My dad said it best. He said, 'Kelly, you have a contagious energy. You're always smiling, you're always happy and you're always excited to be wherever you are. People are just going to constantly try and bring you down and take that away from you. You just have to keep smiling.' And that's what I do."- Kelly Bensimon [E!]
• Blind Item: "A celebrity couple enjoyed dinner at a restaurant recently. This particular restaurant had a gorgeous flower arrangement on each table that the dark-haired woman greatly admired. As the couple was leaving, the woman - without asking permission from the restaurant - took not only the flowers from her table, but the ones from the table next to hers as well! As she was walking out, she told a stunned restaurant employee that they were the perfect thing for her own table at home. Perhaps her new film coming out this summer didn't pay her enough to buy her own flowers?" [BlindGossip]
• In totally shocking news, Eminem is, once again, blaming his mother for all of his problems. "My mum loved Valium and lots of drugs. That's why I'm like I am because I'm my mum," Marshall says, "There's no one quite like my mum. I know I should let bygones be bygone but she's the reason why I'm high on what I'm high on." [TheSun]
• Perhaps we'll hear more about Em's issues during his three-night stint on the Jimmy Kimmel Show, where he'll be promoting his new album, Relapse.[UPI]
• "I've lived the life of a 35-year-old since I was 18. I'm so suspicious of boys-slash-men. I just don't like them or trust them."- Megan Fox [DailyMail]
• Oprah's home in Montecito, CA, has been evacuated due to the wildfires that are currently sweeping through the area. "The fires are nearby, but her house is not within the mandatory evacuation area," says a source, "We're continuing to monitor." [USWeekly]
• "Pottery has all sorts of metaphors, mostly sexual. I don't like to trim. I like throwing, mostly. I like being on the wheel. So I do what's called 'throwing off the hump.' You get a big piece of clay and you put it in the center of the wheel and center it ... I started making these little votive pieces ... then I would paint these little guys and put them in a vignette in a lighted area and it would cast a shadow on the wall."- Parker Posey [NYMag]
• A highly scientific formula has determined that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are the most powerful celebrity couple on the planet. [Telegraph]
• "Well, I never stopped writing music. I'm just writing a different kind of music now. I'm writing instrumental music and thematic music. To what end, I really don't know. It may end up being a movie score, some of it could be symphonic, it could end up being songs. I'm writing themes. I'm just not writing songs like I used to."- Billy Joel, who also still claims that he didn't start the fire, you guys. [Yahoo]
• Snoop Dogg has been cleared of battery and assault charges stemming from a 2005 incident wherein a concert goer jumped onstage and was promptly taken down by Snoop's entourage. [E!]
• "Ninety per cent of what is written about us is invented. The last one was this story about the Hungarian model, I have never been out to dinner with this young lady. I do not flirt with other women - I exist only for Victoria."- David Beckham [DailyMail]
• PETA is targeting Jessica Simpson due to her plans to perform a concert at Sea World: "As someone who is used to living in a fishbowl and having the public weigh in on her every move, you might like to give some thought to the animals who are forced to be 'on display' their entire lives." [DailyExpress]
• Christian Bale forced a rewrite of the upcoming Terminator: Salvation film. When asked why, he screamed: "Because it's fucking distracting!" When I told him I was going to put that in this morning's Dirt Bag, he yelled, "Oh goooood for yooooou." I'm pretty sure that we're done, professionally. [Yahoo]

• Madonna took Jesus Luz to a Kabbalah service. Again. This paper calls her "the world's most boring date." [Daily Mail]

• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou got married in Africa over the summer??? Well, it was a ceremony. But it's not necessarily legal in the U.S. [Gatecrasher]
• Katie Holmes has to make weekly written confessions as part of her "commitment" to Scientology. "Katie has to confess to something as minor as forgetting to tell him she has met with a friend," says a source. "If she commits a transgression against the moral code of their marriage, she has to tell Tom in writing, giving full details of the time and place and what happened." [Daily Mail]
• Jolie-Pitt alert: After filming a few scenes for Salt in Washington DC, Angelina and the brood will hit New York tomorrow. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Now that Amy Winehouse is rested and ready after a long vacay in St. Lucia, she says she's got writer's block. "I'm not feeling creative," she says. "I start things but I don't finish them. I know when stuff is rubbish." [Mirror]
• Uh-oh: Amy Winehouse has been denied a US work visa and can't appear at Coachella next month. [Mirror]
• Britney Spears spent Saturday visiting sick kids at Miami's Children's Hospital. [People]
• Chris Brown has been hard at work, recording tracks for his new album. It's odd thinking about anyone buying it. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Oh, wait: Guess who is experiencing steady album sales? Chris Brown. [Perez]
• Meanwhile, Rihanna is also focusing on music. [Yahoo News via E!, Extra]
• TMZ's Harvey Levin says the unseen Rihanna photos are worse than the one leaked: He calls them "horrific" and "monstrous." [Tennessee Guerilla Women]
• Chris Brown wants his plea to be to a misdemeanor — with no jail time. [TMZ]
• Why is Chris Brown up for a Kids' Choice Award? A Nickelodeon exec says he "was nominated by kids several months ago, and the kids who vote will ultimately decide who wins in the category." [TMZ]
• Oprah to Rihanna: "He will hit you again." [NY Daily News]
• How do we feel about this: Ashlee Simpson landed a role on the new Melrose Place. [EW]
• Zanessa! Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens will get married in September, says this source whose reliability we question. Disney wedding? We've got dresses! [PopCrunch]
• Prince Harry was seen "laughing and joking" with Astrid Harbord, a friend of Kate Middleton's. This paper calls her "the new blonde." [Daily Mail]
• This piece is all about how Freida Pinto got cast in Slumdog Millionaire; she was a model and had an "edge" because she was "confident and articulate." [Hindustan Times]
• So you know how Michael Jackson's possessions were up for sale? The auction house catalogs have been published. See a painting of MJ in Henry the Eighth garb; a carousel horse given to him by Liz Taylor, and some sculptures, including one of two boys plating leapfrog. [Fox 411]
• One of Martha Stewart's dogs has gone to heaven: Ghenghis Khan died in a freak propane explosion. [TMZ]
• The guy who usually dubs Sean Penn's voice for all of his movies in Brazil refused to do the voice in Milk. "I did not feel comfortable with the job," he said. Is it because Harvey Milk is gay and you're a pastor? [Variety]
• Leonardo DiCaprio, Lukas Haas, Tobey Maguire and Kevin Dillon went on a bike ride around New York's East Village Friday. An eyewitness says it was "really uncool." [UPI]
• Speaking of cycling, Matt Damon was among 35,000 riders attempting a 68 mile bike trek in South Africa on Sunday. [Daily Express]
• Dancing With The Stars producers are downplaying the fact that they lost two contestants — Jewel and Nancy O'Dell — and hyping the announcement of their replacements, whose identities will be revealed tonight. Except don't we know that one is Holly Madison? [UPI]
• So maybe you knew that Jodi Lyn O'Keefe — of She's All That, Prison Break, and various TV shows — has been dating John Cusack. Bet you didn't know that she's broke up with him because he won't marry her? [Star]
• You may have noticed this, but Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is trying to reposition himself. He's no longer just a former wrestler but into comedies and films for children. "Audiences, particularly kids, seem to love discovering that a guy this big and this good looking is actually very sweet and very funny," says his Race To Witch Mountain director. [NY Times]
• Macy Gray will appear as a guest performer/lecturer on the first day of a UCLA Extension course on the music business this spring. The course is run by Doors manager Jeffrey Jampolm who says: "Macy Gray is getting on the cutting edge of where music is going. She just made a new record that she financed herself. She owns it, and she's going to market it independently." [LA Times]
• Russell Brand is now in the music biz, managing a little-known singer-songwriter named Simon Kaye, who performs under the name Little Wonder. Apparently there's a record label bidding war to sign this guy, so prepare yourself. (Video of his latest song at the link.) [The Sun]
• There's a new DA and a new task force on the JonBenét Ramsey case, more than 12 years later. [People]
• Are Elizabeth Hurley and husband Arun Nayar in a fast car to splitsville? [Hindustan Times]
• Hurley's rep does not deny rumors of a separation. [Telgraph]
• Here's a profile on Joan Allen, who stars in a Broadway play called Impressionism. [NY Times]
• Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss has been cast in a romcom called Did You Hear About The Morgans?; Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are already attached. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Interesting: There's going to be a remake of the dark comedy Death At A Funeral, with Tracy Morgan, Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock. No word on whether Peter Dinklage will be in this version! [Hollywood Reporter]
• Julia Roberts will produce Jesus Henry Christ, a comedy about a boy conceived in a petri-dish and raised by a loving, left-wing feminist. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Joss Stone's CD has been delayed until July. [Daily Mail]
• Rita Wilson, Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will be in an untitled Nancy Meyers flick; Her movie What Women Want was the most successful film ever directed by a woman. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Mick Jagger, his girlfriend L'Wren Scott and his son Lucas went to the Getty Center in L.A., and because L'Wren held the nine-year-old kid's hand, this paper claims she "played mom." [Daily Mail]
• Sigh: Pixie Geldof was turned down by the art school she applied to. [Daily Mail]
• Jade Goody and her sons were christened in the hospital where she is being treated for terminal cancer. Jade may only have days to live. [Daily Mail]
• Charles Barkley had a news conference, shook hands and posed for pictures over the weekend. While in jail. [TMZ]
• M.I.A. says she never named her baby Ickitt. So what is the little boy's name? [Daily News]
• Blind item! "Which pop diva just got her second boob job? Bet you didn't know about the first one, either - it's that good, and that out of character." [Gatecrasher]
• "Kate Moss is a vampire who stole my style." — Marianne Faithfull. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not going to be [pregnant for a while] because I'm going on tour. I wouldn't want to do that to the poor child." And: "At first I would just stay in and wouldn't go outside [because of the paparazzi], but I would start getting bored with the treadmill and I like to hike outside. I'm not going to let them rule my life. For me it's not about being thin. For me it's about being in shape and being healthy. I have to have stamina onstage or I lose my breath very easily." — Fergie on trying for a baby and getting in shape. [Mirror]
• "I'm still baffled as to why people are so interested in my life. It's so weird – even my dog Norman gets recognized. I'm cutting him off – I've told him, no more Oprah appearances!" — Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Mail]
• "I have never been a woman who dreams about getting married and having children and having that house in Connecticut. On the contrary, I've always gone with the flow. I enjoy the moment because life goes on while you try to make plans; it's better to make the most of every second. So I just try to live in the present." — Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Mail]
• "I spent my time cross stitching. But I made it fun by stitching naughty words into handkerchiefs. There were long gaps between filming and I was bored, so it kept me occupied." — Miranda Richardson, on her hobby while filming The Young Victoria. [Daily Mail]
• "We have a similar sense of humor. Our list of priorities in our personal lives are not different. We are both happily married with families and lead a pretty normal, unaffected existence within in this odd universe of show business that we've both chosen to go into." — Julia Roberts on Duplicity costar Clive Owen. [People]
• "It was really funny seeing Baz Luhrmann and Rob [Pattinson] singing a David Bowie song. It was a talky one so they both could sort of talk to each other, and they were riffing back and forth. They were looking longingly into each other's eyes."— Kristen Stewart, who says she hopes there will be a movie based on the fourth Twilight book, Breaking Dawn. [Yahoo News via E!]
• "Look! [Suri] painted these canvas ballet slippers. Isn't she the best? She'll be 3 soon. It's such a good age. She was in musical school this year, but starts real school next year." — Katie Holmes. [Gatecrasher]
• "I actually worked as a kid at the Dallas Times Herald, because my dad had worked with [American journalist] Bill Moyers and then his son was working at the Times Herald and I got a job as a runner one summer. And as a kid it was really exciting to be around in the summertime doing that." — Owen Wilson, on his stint in journalism. [The Star]
• "I'm excited to have a girl. I was saying I didn't know if I could ever love someone more [than my son]. So I'm happy it's a girl. That way, I can love my boy like crazy, and I can love my girl like crazy. They'll feel even." — Pregnant Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford. [Gatecrasher]
• "It's all different from what I was taught in gymnastics. I have to learn to let go and just be emotional." — Shawn Johnson, on Dancing With The Stars. [LA Times]
• "I've had enough of women." — Colin Farrell. [Daily Express]
• "I have no desire [to have children]. I would not be a good mother. I mean, I love being an aunt to my niece and nephew. And I used to want to, like, adopt 10 kids - because I had friends who were adopted, and I thought that was the coolest thing, to be chosen. But again, my job is too selfish." — Kelly Clarkson. [USA Today]
• "I don't think unique creativity can be put into a shape. What leaves a bad taste with trying to create pop stars overnight these days is that they seem to try to identify people according to a size or a shape and say what will work. It's like trying to create artists with a cookie cutter! I don't like how the judging works on The X Factor. Who are the judges to say what's good and what isn't? I hate the cruelty and humiliation of it. And when it's a kid or a teenager I can't bear them to be ripped to shreds. Does it really have to be so cruel?" — Annie Lennox. [Daily Express]

[Los Angeles, November 9. Image via INF]

[Los Angeles, October 9. Image via x17]

• Britney showed up at the MTV awards. And talked. And somehow won a few. Then Russell Brand made jokes about promise rings and George Bush. [E!]
• Jordin Sparks defended purity rings and some people in the crowd cheered. MTV used to be edgy and subversive, right? [People]
• Schlocky tabloid paper News Of The World is reporting that Lindsay Lohan wants to have a baby and raise the kid with Sam Ronson. LL apparently wants one of her ex-boyfriends to be the baby daddy. [News.com.au]
• No money for old men? Tommy Lee Jones is suing Paramount Pictures, claiming he was promised "significant box-office bonuses" from No Country for Old Men, which made more than $160 million. [USA Today]

• Cancer survivors Christina Applegate, Patrick Swayze, Sheryl Crowe and Lance Armstrong were part of the one-hour Stand Up To Cancer special on TV Friday night. [Reuters]
• "It’s hard to talk about work without talking about things that are personal. Work is personal. I don’t want to talk about my personal life, but it’s on my mind, and it’s in my work." — Michelle Williams, in a rare interview. She also says: "I’m going to take a year off. I think I stopped feeling creative a while ago, and I’m just realizing it now." And: "I’ve always identified with loners and outcasts, I don’t know why. I guess this is why I found a home in independent film. I wanted to work outside the system, which is why all this fame is a real brain teaser. What am I supposed to do with it? Can you work the system without it working you?" [NY Times]
• Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour hit Rome and Her Madgesty said: "I dedicate this song to the pope, because I'm a child of God. All of you are also children of God." Then she sang "Like A Virgin." [Reuters]
• Ellen talks about her wedding! Newsweek asks, "What's the difference between a gay wedding and a straight one?" Ellen says: "Well, the food is gay. The water is gay. There's a gay vibe." And: "I cried when I saw her, because we didn't want to see our outfits beforehand. Actually, I could cry right now thinking about it. I never thought I would have that experience of getting married. I didn't think I was missing anything. I just didn't think about it. But to see her for the first time and to cut a wedding cake, that was surreal for me and I got to experience that with our families around us. I didn't realize how special it was until I did it." [Newsweek]
• Beyoncé: Seen wearing a gigantic, 18 carat flawless diamond valued at more than $5 million dollars. It's apparently a wedding ring from her "secret" marriage to Jay-Z. But yeah, it's huge, look at the picture. [People]
• Gary Coleman hit a man with his truck outside a Utah bowling alley. Was the guy harassing Gary and his wife? Or was Gary drunk? More info to come! [E!]
• David Beckham is well-endowed. In the pants. [The Sun]
• People are loving Daniel Radcliffe in Equus, including that infamous nude scene. [People]
• This Angelina Jolie doll, created by artist Noel Cruz, looks so much like Angie it's scary. Someone paid £2,000 for it on eBay and has the option of having tattoos added for an additional fee. Brad Pitt not included. [The Sun]
• Poor Brad never gets any sleep, but his kids make him laugh. [People]
• Is Pamela Anderson secretly seeing a member of the Royal Family of Dubai? [Global Voices]
• Remember Sam Lufti? Apparently in Lynne Spears' new book, she writes that he threatened Britney's life. Sam allegedly said to Lynne: "If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll (expletive) on her grave." [UPI]
• Chris Brown has written a couple of songs for Britney. Whether she'll sing them is another story. [AP]
• The Florida Federation of Republican Women says they are boycotting Oprah's show and magazine because she's not having Sarah Palin as a guest on her program. Should Oprah feel like she has to give equal time? She's an Obama supporter and says: "At the beginning of this presidential campaign when I decided that I was going to take my first public stance in support of a candidate, I made the decision not to use my show as a (platform) for any of the candidates." [UPI]
• In 1998, Tom Cruise's wife was in a Broadway play. It's 2008 and Tom Cruise's wife is in a Broadway play! But Katie Holmes' part is not like Nicole Kidman's was. For starters, Katie isn't naked. [NY Times]
• Get your motors running: Prince William and Prince Harry will go on a motorcycle ride through Africa to raise money for orphans and AIDS victims. The 1,000 mile ride across South Africa and Lesotho is almost entirely off-road and the temperature will be around 104°. Hardcore! [Telegraph]
• Are Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson expecting twins? [Yahoo News]
• Amy Winehouse performed on the Isle of Wight on Saturday and her show was "patchy," with some fans walking away before it was over. Maybe she needs a long vacation? [The Sun]
• Noel Gallagher was tackled to the ground by a fan on stage in Canada, and yes, there is video. [BBC News]
• Brooke Shields is mildly funny in the commercial for the new VW minivan. [USA Today]
• Posh dining? Victoria Beckham and TV chef Gordon Ramsay are opening a traditional English restaurant in L.A. [Mirror]
• Headline of the day: "'Heather Mills Is A Bitch Who Tricked Me Into Spreading Lies About Paul McCartney,' Claims Her Ex-Hollywood PR." [Daily Mail]
• Also: Seems like Heather Mills promised a bunch of cash to the Adopt-A-Minefield charity — which helps clear mines from former war zones — and hasn't delivered. [The Sun]
• Emma Watson has bought a £1 million ski chalet in France. Now that she is 18, she can spend that Harry Potter and Chanel money! [The Sun]
• Jennifer Aniston says working on 30 Rock was "awesome — really, really fun." [ET]
• Coco Sumner, daughter of Sting and Trudie Styler, showed up at a movie premiere with her hair half shaved and part of an eyebrow missing. "Me and my mates were really stoned and thought it would be fun to shave our heads," she says. "My mum flipped when she saw me." [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson debuted at the Grand Ole Opry on Saturday night. One viewer said: "I think she should have put some clothes on." There's video if you want to see her boobalicious outfit. [People]
• There's lots of Spider-Man 4 buzz, but Tobey Maguire is not a lock. Yet. [Yahoo News]
• Lily Allen's friend who was kidnapped was rescued just minutes before he was going to be executed. [Mirror]
• Thandie Newton prepared to play Condi Rice in Oliver Stone's new movie W by reading as much as she could. "I had two things going on: reading about this young woman, and the incredible story of the Bush administration. This gigantic beast, this machine and how it was cranking toward war. I wanted to become drunk with knowledge." [Times Of London]
• Kirsten Dunst may play the late singer Eva Cassidy in a movie by Robert Redford's daughter Amy. [The Sun]
• Singer Estelle thinks it's okay that Kanye West is a little egotistical. "I think more people should follow him, and be more cocky and more proud of their work." Kanye probably replied: YES!!!!!!!!! [E!]
• Sadie Frost and her friends drank £50k of champagne in one evening. How much Advil did they need the next day? [Mirror]
• The buzz, heh, on The Secret Life Of Bees, starring Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, Sophie Okonedo and Jennifer Hudson, is "very, very good." Roger Friedman says: "It’s a beautifully balanced, extremely nuanced drama that never gets overly sentimental." [Fox 411]
• Even though Joe Francis has a tax-dodging trial pending, a federal judge says he's allowed to be on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice. But! He won't be on Celebrity Apprentice because he's doing some other Donald Trump project instead. [E!]
• Janet Jackson got emotional while picking up a BMI Urban Award with her brothers (but not Michael) on Thursday night. [People]
• Shelley Malil, who played a dude named Haziz in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, was charged Friday with burglary and assault with a deadly weapon. He's been in jail since August 11 on attempted murder charges for stabbing his ex-girlfriend with two knives (while chasing her around her home as her two kids slept). [CNN]
• Spike Lee is working on a sequel to the Clive Owen/Denzel Washington crime drama Inside Man. [UPI]
• Tiger Woods has this estate in Florida and the average water usage is 10,000 gallons a month. He's almost in the top 25 water guzzlers in Orange County, Florida. But doesn't he like, travel a lot? Where is all the water going? Hopefully not sprinklers for grassy putting greens. [TMZ]
• Olivia Newton-John celebrated her third wedding anniversary with a third wedding ceremony. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Mickey Rourke is in a low-budget picture called The Wrestler and he won the coveted Golden Lion award for best movie at the Venice Film Festival on Saturday. [Reuters]
• RIP silent film star Anita Page, who worked with Buster Keaton, Lon Chaney and Joan Crawford. [BBC News]
• "When my wife's working and I've got time off, I'm just Mr. Mom during the day, taking care of the little girl." — Keith Urban. [UPI]
• "My apologies to the cast and crews of My Name Is Earl and Scrubs. In my frustration with NBC's reprehensible promotion of 30 Rock, I took an unfortunate swipe at both of those shows and that was not cool. But, for Earl's creator, Greg Garcia, who referred to me as a 'psychotic,' I have only one question. Why are you Scientologists always rendering these medical opinions you aren't qualified to give?" — Alec Baldwin. [Perez Hilton]
• "I fly economy. I do often fly first class, but I don't travel with a posse, or bodyguard, or an assistant. I use other people's infrastructure. For instance, I am going to address the AARP convention in Washington, D.C. I will fly first class to New York on AARP's dime, get into a town car, stay not in a grand suite, but a nice hotel room. I don't pretend to be poor, but somewhere in the middle is O.K." — Gene Simmons. [BusinessWeek]
• "I could never be as successful as the Spice Girls – there were five of us in that group, and alone you can only do so much. But it’s nice to be able to have a go. I’ll have a new album out by January. I don’t get nervous about how it will do or feel pressure to have massive success. I believe in what I do and if people like it, great, and if they don’t then, whatever. The highlight of my career was the girls coming back together and deciding to do a goodbye tour… My jaw was aching for weeks when we first got back on stage, I couldn’t stop smiling." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. [Mirror]
• "I'm single and crush-less… Like Hugh Hefner in his blonde phase, I’m in my European passport-holding era; American men need not apply." — Dita Von Teese. [Daily Express]

[Beverly Hills, August 5. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, July 9. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Los Angeles, May 15. Image via INFDaily]

[New York, April 23. Image via INFdaily.com.]

[Malibu, March 23. Image via Flynet]

[West Hollywood, March 11. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Brentwood, California; January 6. Image via Flynet]

[Hollywood, October 7. Image via Bauer-Griffin]