Earlier: Theft, Lies & Videotaping: Gosselin Plans To Tap Into Kids' Trust Fund

Though TMZ dropped its plans to open a Washington office in 2007, it has increasingly been focusing on political figures. According to The Washington Post, TMZ has been trying to beef up its journalistic credentials in recent years by breaking big stories like Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic rant, Michael Richard's racist monologue, and recently, by releasing photos of a beaten Rihanna. Last month, TMZ got the attention of politicians with an exclusive story about Chicago's Northern Trust Bank, which got $1.6 billion in federal bailout funds, sponsoring a golf tournament outside Los Angeles with performances the bands Chicago and Earth, Wind and Fire, reports the San Francisco Chronicle. Last week, TMZ founder Harvey Levin was invited to speak to journalism graduate students at U.C. Berkeley.

TMZ and other celebrity-focused websites like Hollywood.com and L.A. paparazzi blogger Zuma Dogg are covering individual lawmakers more as well. The Washington Post describes a recent incident in which Congressman Aaron Schock was interviewed by a TMZ reporter:

The freshman congressman, walking to the House chamber for a vote, was caught off-guard when a reporter approached him with a Sony camcorder, compared him to ex-fashion model and The Hills star Brody Jenner and asked him about D.C. nightlife.

The footage was shot by TMZ ... which cheekily suggested that the unmarried 27-year-old lawmaker must have "an impressive stimulus package." And while Schock managed to blurt only that he is "all work, no play," the airing of the brief encounter this month landed the Illinois Republican on the front page of the Peoria Journal Star and on several local newscasts. "I started getting text messages from a lot of stay-at-home moms in my district," he says. "I'm not Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. I was totally caught off guard."

Harvey Levin doesn't seem to see the same distinction between celebrities and congressmen. "We cover sports figures, chefs and people who are famous for all sorts of reasons ... and some of them are in politics," Levin told the San Francisco Chronicle. Levin admits that the millions of TMZ viewers are more interested in personalities than policies, but argues that attention from his camera crews may actually help politicians, since often even their constituents don't recognize them. "Our feeling is ... if you understand the personalities of some of these people, you care more about them," he says.

But clearly there is also a huge downside. Democratic political consultant Garry South, who was recorded last year by Zuma Dogg while meeting at a Malibu Starbucks with San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom about his gubernatorial campaign, says the new paparazzi focus is likely to make politicians less candid even in private because they never know who is watching and filming. "It has politicians on notice, at least the savvy ones, that there is no privacy whatsoever anymore - not even in the bathroom at the urinal," says South. Newsom added, "We're in a reality TV series now in politics, 24/7."

Though more attention from the paparazzi may make politicians more recognizable to their constituents (especially if they're prone to cheating on their spouses or stumbling down the steps of the Capitol building) it's unlikely that the coverage will turn out to be as mutually beneficial as Levin makes it seem. News outlets are already focusing more on celebrity news and less on the boring political decisions that actually affect people's lives. Paparazzi prowling the streets of D.C. will probably make pols dress better on a daily basis, but overall TMZ's reporting will probably just lower the level of political discourse even further.

'The Hills'? No, TMZ Now Hits The Hill [The Washington Post]
Paparazzi Turning Lenses On Politicians [The San Francisco Chronicle]
TMZ Chief Is Speaker At Cal Journalism School [The San Francisco Chronicle]

Unlike some mean-spirited low-rent blogs, TMZ, which some readers will recall made our Missdemeanors column quite often, is owned by megaconglomerate AOL. This means that they have the money and the manpower to post frequently, and to post "exclusives" — which are often just videos in which a cameraman approaches a celebrity. Oh, sure, they broke the Christian Bale rant, and the Miley Cyrus "goofy" pic. But a recent post involved some dude asking Drew Barrymore who is hotter, Washington or Lincoln. She - and rightly so - ignored him.

While TMZ is fairly ruthless and engages in sniping on male and female celebs alike, they most certainly take exquisite pleasure in body-snarking female stars: declaring that Naomi Campbell has "pancake bosoms"; a "Celebrity But-Her-Face" slideshow; galleries of cleavage images.

Now, TMZ has been covering "OctoMom" Nadya Suleman, quite feverishly. A reader emailed us:

They follow Nadya Suleman, call her "octopussy" (How about calling the sperm donor octodick...or hey, even following the doctor around?) post photos of her kids and remark about how much of people's money's she's spending (apparently she's on welfare). Typical woman-bashing when she hasn't taken 1% as much money as the men who have taken corporate welfare (bailouts). This woman has has death threats against her - and even if we do not care for her actions, let's at least demand they treat men with the same derisiveness they treat women.

TMZ should follow every company head who got tax money, see how many kids they have and see whether they have gotten manicures or pedicures recently.

Well, that might not be an answer, but Octopussy? Really?

TMZ: The Website Striking Fear Into Hollywood's Stars [Independent]

Thirty years ago, a similar case was brought against Southwest Airlines, which resulted in the company being forced to hire male flight attendants. While the Southwest Airlines case sounds sensible, you have to wonder why a group of men would want to work at Hooters, a chain that objectifies its employees, controls virtually every aspect of their appearance, and generally treats them like crap. Oh wait, they don’t really want to work at Hooters, they are just looking for some big corporate payoff. As TMZ charmingly reports: “The guys are asking the court for emotional damages—but we thought you had to have those before getting a job at Hooters!” [TMZ]

• Did Ellen DeGeneres try to trick Mariah Carey into admitting she's pregnant? Mariah was a guest on Ellen's show, and after Ellen asked and got a vague response, she busted out the champagne, saying, "You don't have to answer that. Let's just toast with champagne." Mariah got flustered and said, "I can't believe you did this to me, Ellen," and pretended to sip the bubbly. Knocked up? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Someone's not pregnant: Sarah Jessica Parker in the Sex And The City sequel. Carrie won't be having a kid. "It doesn't seem as if that's going to be a choice she'll make… Michael (Patrick King, director) and I never talk about it. That doesn't mean that won't be part of the story. We just haven't figured it out. It feels a little bit manipulative to toss that into the mix, because she seems so pointed in a different direction." [Daily Express]
• Kanye West and hot hot model Sessilee Lopez: Is it on? [The Sun]
• Madonna has hired a specialist to help her "exorcise the memories" of her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, from her home. The technique seems to involve throwing shit away. [Mirror]
• Madonna and A-Rod are in Miami together right now, having just landed in a private jet. [TMZ]

• What's this? Even though his ex, Cynthia, claimed Rodriguez would be spending Thanksgiving with Madonna, a source says A-Rod "has been in Florida for days" and "always had every intention of spending the holiday" there with his ex-wife and daughters? [People]
• In other news, Madonna's brother is going to direct a "teen thriller" called Twist. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Britney Spears wants to go back on the road again. She and her conservators have asked the court to allow her to go on a U.S. tour next year: She'd need to make deals with backup singers, roadies, venues, ticket brokers, etc., but legally can't make any of the deals herself. [TMZ]
• Britney will be in New York next week — her album drops Tuesday, so she's hitting Good Morning America, but it's also her 27th birthday. So she'll also have a "very private circus-themed" birthday party that night. Waiting for our invitation! [Page Six]
• The chick from The Rules is offering dating advice to Jennifer Aniston. Says Sherrie Schneider, who co-wrote the infamous dating manual with Ellen Fein: "Never mention Brad's or John Mayer's name in public. Also, don't say anything bad about John, like when you said he was missing a sensitivity chip. Never talk about Angelina or call her 'uncool', even if she was uncool. She does not exist in your world. You are going to be 40 soon. You have no time to waste if you want kids." What's that eyeroll emoticon again? [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Lily Allen and Agyness Deyn got strip searched when they went to Dubai. Lily says: "I knew I didn’t have anything on me so I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t paranoid, just terrified." Agyness agrees: "It was really traumatic. It wasn’t the best experience in the world, but it is their culture and you just have to respect it." [The Sun]
• Ivanka Trump sure is fueling those rumors she might get engaged to boyfriend Jared Kushner — she's guest blogging for Brides.com the first week of December, writing about her style and her jewelry line. [WWD]
• Model Jessica Stam is dating Austin Cregg, the son of '80s pop music icon Huey Lewis. He's facing jail time for marijuana possession and scrawling graffiti. [Page Six]
• An upcoming Law & Order episode will have a young male "supermodel" die in a way that is eerily similar to the way Heath Ledger did. [Page Six]
• Ricki Lake is on Match.com. Go Ricki! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Oh no, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem might be on the rocks: They'd agreed to take a break from movies for a year, then he took a part in a film. She wanted to adopt a baby from India because she "admires Angelina Jolie." [ONTD]
• Pete Wentz freaked out when his wife, Ashlee was about to give birth: "Right before she went into labor, I was like, 'Oh, my god, I think I'm having a heart attack,'" he says. "My heart started beating real fast. You see your wife is in all this pain. And I don't know what's happening right now. She took care of me and made sure I was okay and then went into labor. That's why she's a saint." [People]
• For the second day in a row, a story about how Reese Witherspoon totally got along with Vince Vaughn while shooting Four Christmases. "Vince is the funniest person I've ever worked with. It was a challenge for me to stay there and keep up with him." The lady doth protest too much? [Yahoo News]
• Natalie Portman doesn't understand celibacy. [Page Six]
• Roger Friedman on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: "Innovative, creative, technologically advanced… [Brad Pitt] is Gollum from Lord of the Rings meeting Robert Redford, with a better wardrobe." [Fox 411]
• Rachael Ray's Christmas will be a silent night: "I'm having voice surgery on Dec. 16, so we're going to celebrate very quietly," she says. [People]
• Are Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal's parents broke? [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge on Heidi and Spencer's elopement: "I am surprised and not surprised at the same time." Haha, because you know that they're contractually obligated to make headlines for Us magazine? She also says: "I do think it's very romantic that they eloped." [People]
• Uh-oh, director John Waters is being sued for adding "Santa Claus is a Black Man" to his Christmas album without permission. [Daily Express]
• Tragic: You know how Kanye West's mom died after plastic surgery? Her nephew, a registered nurse, was supervising her post-surgery care and may have left her bedside to attend a baby shower — he's being investigated. [People]
• Village Voice reporter Michael Musto hit the Milk premiere party, where Marc Jacobs told him he cried and shook his leg emotionally through the whole movie. "I'm for anything gay," the designer said. "The world would be a better place if everyone was gay." "Look, around," Musto urged. "They are!" Meanwhile, Carson Kressley said: "I'm lactose-intolerant, but I loved Milk." [Village Voice]
• TMZ the TV show: Renewed. [Yahoo News]
• File under news you can't use: Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre sunbathe naked; Peter has a "brown willy." [Perez Hilton]
• Carson Daly has a girlfriend? And she's pregnant? [ONTD]
• U2, Jay-Z, Coldplay and R.E.M. are among the bands contributing music to (RED)WIRE, a new download service aligned with Bono’s (PRODUCT)RED campaign. [Rolling Stone]
• Don't know much about country singer Chuck Wicks, but he is "very much in love" with Dancing With The Stars' Julianne Hough, so that's nice. [People]
• Mel Gibson, what hast thou done? A Superior Court Judge wants you to explain why a screenwriter claims he was screwed out of $10 million from the 2004 megahit The Passion Of The Christ [Yahoo News via E!]
• TV chef Gordon Ramsay has made a "groveling apology" to his wife after admitting to meeting his mistress four times. [Daily Mail]
• "There's always someone telling you not to make a movie. When I did Born on the Fourth of July, they said, 'This is going to ruin your career. What are you doing?' Suicide? I’ve committed it. There were people who didn’t want me to make Top Gun. [My character], Stauffenberg, went from saying, 'Someone should shoot that bastard' to realizing, I’m the only one who can do it. You can’t really know until you're under that kind of pressure. I'm not saying this in some chest-pounding way, but I do feel I'd have that kind of courage." — Tom Cruise, defending his Nazi movie, Valkyrie, in Details. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "We came up with the idea Bronx. We've been throwing [ideas] back and forth a while. It's kind of cool to just leave the narrative what it is. People are stoked or pissed or whatever. And you're like, you know what: I don't think anyone really has the real story." — Pete Wentz on why he named his kid Bronx Mowgli. [People]

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Reducing women to body parts; comparing and contrasting those parts.
The Evidence: "Jammed into the public eye, female celebs are forced to grow, shrink and generally just change shape right in front of our eyes." It's a gallery of breast and cleavage images. So it's not about a woman as a whole, as a thinking and feeling human, huh. It's how well her tits are holding up. Is it any wonder women actually believe that cosmetic surgery is a necessary step toward self-esteem? That cutting yourself open and inserting silicone will make you feel better? Oh! And AOL owns TMZ, don't forget.
The Sentence: A 100-page essay on the Venus of Willendorf.

Reader-Submitted Accusation: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Mocking of weight.
The Evidence: "Unless we need to get our eyes checked, it totally looks like Kirstie Alley got fat again! It's a good thing she's no longer hawking Jenny Craig! Here is Alley flying out of LAX this past weekend. She probably needs to book two seats just for her these days." Reader Jen says: "I think it's pretty mean to bash celebrities over their weight, and I'm sure she knows she's not a skinny person and doesn't need the world poking fun at her. She is still an incredibly funny, beautiful (I'd kill for her hair), intelligent woman, and her weight is not all that defines her. How about sticking to gossip that doesn't always bash people's personal appearances; everyone gains and loses weight, but it doesn't change who they are, just the number on the scale." Well said!
The Sentence: A 100-page essay on Rubens

The Accused: Hollywood Tuna
The Crime: Mocking a fit woman.
The Evidence: "Well, this is an odd pairing: Pink with Bai Ling. Here they are both in their bikinis kayaking in Malibu, and guess what? I'm not turned on in the least. It's one lesbian fantasy that just doesn't work. I know I said earlier that I dig Bai Ling but that was in transfer of money kind of way, and Pink I definitely can't get it up for. The thought of both our rock hard bodies pressed against each other just made me wish I never even wrote that." Women are mocked for being too fat and for being too fit? As if Pink gives a shit about your erection. Just like her song, it's just you and your hand tonight, buddy.
The Sentence: A drop-kick and a paddle across the face from Pink herself.

The Accused: DListed
The Crime: Mocking a woman's weight.
The Evidence: The story is titled "Mimi's Wedding Pictures Coming Soon" and the image is a cow wearing a veil and holding a bouquet. Hilarious, right? The woman who writes her own songs and has had more hit singles than Elvis is a bovine, a heifer, a hooved farm animal. Yeah, I don't love MC but that is not funny.
The Sentence: Thou shalt be force-fed a cow pie covered in Hello Kitty sprinkles.

Special Drunken Stepfather Section:
So Guanabee conducted an interview with "Jesus Martinez" of Drunken Stepfather. Martinez says: "I was inspired to start the site because I was pissed off, knew I couldn't get a job working in any industry and figured I'd do it on my own. It wasn't a business and still isn't a business, it was just a place to take out my frustration kinda like my virtual punching bag. I am not and never was interested in celebrities. I guess I started my attack on them because they are the idols of popculture and I knew they were full of shit. I guess it was a combo of liking naked chicks and seeing these celebs not at their best or slippin' up on their contrived bullshit images that gave me enough content to continue tellin' my stories and spreading my irreverent word to about 5 people."

It's this ire that leads him to write things like this:

"So it's Lily Allen's birthday and she's wearing some kind of see through dress when she should really be wearing some kind of Mascot Costume because at least that way bitch would look cute. I can only assume that she forgot to wear a bra because she's so distraught that her baby will never see it's first birthday because it's living in a pair of bloody panties she just can't seem to bring herself to throw out. I guess that's the harsh reality of smoking and drinking' while knocked up and a miscarriage is just the small price you have to pay for being an irresponsible joke of an expecting mother.

Either way, here are her nipples that her baby will never get to suckle on for food, because her baby never made it out of her rotten vagina and I'd like to think that he's not the first one to feel the negative effect of her lady parts. In reality, I think every dude who's ever fucked her can relate to that miscarriage because as soon as they were done with her and looked into her face and realized what they did, they wanted to die too. "

"That's a tough call because I am the kind of guy who does take life a little too seriously at times and gets frustrated or pissed off at the world, but I wouldn't consider myself an angry or hateful person. I think I mock the norms of what is considered acceptable and say things that I think other people are thinking but are too pussy to say, but I am not an activist or really passionate about my ideals and in reality - pretty inconsistent.

I don't hate any gender, any race, any religion, any mindset other than people who choose to live the conventional suburban middle-class risk-free life. I can't grasp that shit and just see people who have given up on their dreams and passions for social acceptance.

I have Black, White, Jewish, Asian friends. I have devout Christian friends and Muslim friends. I have met all kinds of people and I would never say I hate people but I would say I hate how society represents people. And that's what I write."

The Accused: The Superficial
The Crime: Calling a woman who does not meet some predetermined and subjective ideal of femininity a man and generally criticizing her looks.
The Evidence: "Here's a shot of Fergie in the Bahamas over the weekend. While I often publicly question her gender, I will admit that maybe kind of sort of Josh Duhamel doesn't entirely hate his penis after bedding this body. At least until he looks at Fergie's face, then there's lots of weeping and cursing. Mostly at God for being 'such a fucking asshole douchebag trickster to create this manner of creature. Oh, you want to go again, baby? Shit, I'm only human. Say, would you mind wearing the pillow case this time? I mean, it is my birthday. Heart you.'" Oh, you're attracted to her, so she MUST be a woman, huh? What does it matter what she looks like? And why does your opinion matter? And why are you even writing this crap? Oh, it's right there in the title, Superficial.
The Sentence: Whipworm infestation.

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Calling women men; mocking them in a gallery.
The Evidence: "Dude Looks Like a Lady ... Wait, That is a Lady!" Pictures of Rosie O'Donnell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Hilary Swank, Michelle Rodriguez, Kathleen Turner, Kathy Griffin and Julie Andrews. You know TMZ is owned by AOL now, you'd think they'd class up their act a little, and not publish sexist misogynistic posts in the name of humor.
The Sentence: Ringworm, which is not a worm but a fungus. Don't say you didn't learn something new today!

The Accused: WWTDD?
The Crime: Critiquing a woman's body and insinuating that she is large.
The Evidence: "The female body is not the type of thing we usually talk about here - I don't think that kind of discussion is very classy - and I don't feel scandalous or unflattering pictures of a celebrity has any place on the internet, but these pictures of Denise Richards are going up because holy shit has she gone to hell. She used to be one of the hottest pieces of ass on earth, and pictures of her tits were every young boys secret bullseye. Now she looks like she's made of donuts. You would think someone with so much gravity could stay on a surfboard that's bigger than the high school I went too, but apparently not. Maybe they can get her someones roof and she can surf on that." Really? Denise Richards has a weight problem? She's a 37-year-old mother of two. It's disgusting that men get away with writing about women like this. Oh, and look: Bally Total Fitness is a sponor of WWTDD. Great.
The Sentence: Infestation by Chinese liver fluke.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Implying that a woman is too fat to be seen unclothed.
The Evidence: "I just really like being naked," [says] the American Idolstar. You know how that old saying goes — people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Fortunately, I live in a house of 12% body fat and killer gluts, so I feel comfortable saying that Kelly Clarkson needs to steer clear of the glass market. Of course, the plastic slipcover market and anti-chafing powder-gel market can still be all hers." Wow. Hilarious. Fuck you.
The Sentence: A colony of chiggers that live under and feed on the skin.

The Accused: DListed
Reader-Submitted Crime: Menstruation-mocking.
The Evidence: "Kim Kardashian Wipes The Skank Off: I shouldn't say that. I don't think it's possible for Kim Kardashian to wipe the skank off completely. She would have to remove her skin and that's probably pretty painful. She looks alright without make-up, but I sort of love it when she looks like a tranny call girl. She's suffering from 'period face' here. And I bet that bitch's flow is heaaaaaaavy." The reader says: "I lurve Michael K, but I want to flick him in his balls for this... mostly because I think I have period face today, and I want to hide/die/poursulfuricacidonmydeskfornoreason. Maybe I'm just overreacting." You're not. If you don't menstruate, you have no right to tease those who do.
The Sentence: Bloodletting! With leeches, of course.
Same Defendant, Additional Reader-Submitted Crime: Making light of cutting a woman's clitoris.
The Evidence: She can catch flies with her coochie! Jenna Jameson showed up to Comic Con in New York on Friday looking like she slithered in from the forest. Let's cut off her clit and see if it grows back! Yeah, what clit? That shit probably got destroyed a long ass time ago." The reader says: "I'm sorry, but female genital mutilation Is.Not.Funny." Agreed.
The Sentence: Pubic lice, of course.

[Los Angeles, CA; Dec. 27. Image via TMZ.]

TMZ Creators' Next Target: Moms [Silicon Alley Insider]

TUCKER: They don't believe in individual choice...If they did, then how about this? I want to make the choice not to buy health insurance. That's not allowed. I don`t have a choice. It's mandated. I mean...

FENN: Tucker. You're making...

TUCKER: This doesn't give you the creeps?

FENN: Let's — let's get real here.

TUCKER: Am I living in a parallel universe?

FENN: You would never make a choice like that for you and your family.

TUCKER: I have made a choice like that for me and my family.

FENN: To never have health insurance?

TUCKER: No, not to never have it. But I — you know, people live.

FENN: But look, let me just

CROWLEY: It's getting worse right now. The status quo gets worse year after year. I mean you — I'm sure your premiums are rising as fast as mine are.

FENN: Tucker...

CROWLEY: We`re paying for it every month.

(CROSSTALK)

(CROSSTALK)

TUCKER: So doctors love Medicare?

FENN: Let me just...

TUCKER: Is that what you're saying? I mean come on.

FENN: They do! (CROSSTALK)

FENN: But Deamonte Driver, 12-year-old kid who had a frigging toothache in Prince George's County. His mother tried to take him around to get medical...

TUCKER: And he died.

FENN: And he died.

TUCKER: So is that...

FENN: And let me just say...

TUCKER: So that's the excuse that I should be forced to buy health care?

FENN: No. We now have 47 million people without it.

TUCKER: What do you — what does that mean?

FENN: And that's a seven million increase under this administration. Over eight million of these are kids.

(CROSSTALK)

FENN: And this is...

TUCKER: That's doesn't mean anything.

FENN: Yes, it does...

TUCKER: (INAUDIBLE) something.

FENN: ...because the system is not working.

TUCKER: Should — this is a philosophical question and it's also a practical issue. Should people — because people do die under our current system of care — should everybody be forced to — that is, have the choice taken away from them...

FENN: Tucker, let me say something.

TUCKER: ...about whether to participate?

And you're saying yes.

FENN: They — the number of people...

TUCKER: I think that's authoritarian.

FENN: ...who would decide not to have health insurance, you could put in this studio in this whole country.

TUCKER: That is not true. That is totally not true.

FENN: That — you're telling me...

TUCKER: If I am — that's a total lie. If I am 25 years old and I'm a healthy person, I might make a rational decision not to get health care.

FENN: Well, if you...

TUCKER: The chances I'm going to need it are infinitesimal.

CROWLEY: And would you sign a contract saying that if you got gravely ill, you would relinquish free emergency room care...

TUCKER: That right there...

CROWLEY: ...if you couldn't afford it?

TUCKER: That is an interesting question and I think that's — right there. That's an interesting debate right there.

CROWLEY: I mean maybe...

TUCKER: Would I?

Yes, I probably would. Maybe I wouldn't.

and why yes, they did! According to this source, 9/11 hijacker Nawaf Alhazmi actually "spent a lot of time at the San Diego State University library, surfing the Web.." And learning to hate us? Um, yeah. All but one of these fine young scholars is a woman, probably one who is late for her tanning salon appointment right now, sort of like we are realllly late for our Jim Beam.

Pic of Reese & Jake from today, after the jump

[Los Angeles, July 31. Image via Flynet]

It's all very mysterious and bizarre until you remember.

• Um duh someone here is a cocaine dealer.
  
• Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

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