• George Clooney reportedly went on a date with Madonna after the singer split from Guy Richie, though the date was not a success, as Madonna kept making bad jokes and George "could not wait to get out of there." [ShowbizSpy]

• A source claims that Elin Nordegren is planning to divorce Tiger Woods and seek full custody of the couple's two children: "She can't believe Tiger's behaviour," says a "friend" of Nordegren, "He says he wants to save the marriage but he's not doing anything about it. He's hiding out like a child and refusing to go to rehab to get the treatment he needs. She's so mad at him, she's flipping out." [Mirror]
• Woods allegedly hid his extramarital affairs with the help of a team of sorts, including his caddy, his former manager, and his current agent, Mark Steinberg, who, according to the New York Post, "helped kill a National Enquirer story about his alleged romps with pancake-house hostess Mindy Lawson by offering Woods as a cover to sister publication Men's Fitness." [PageSix]
• Woods' friends claim that they warned him about his behavior, to no avail: ""A lot of us who love him saw this coming," says a friend, "We said, 'You've got to be careful. It's really getting too raggedy.' In his own mind, he may not have thought he was doing anything wrong. He was under a lot of pressure. He thought he was just letting off steam. He thought of it as a perk." [NYDN]
• And even Tiger's mother, Kutilda Woods, is angry with her son: ""[This] was devastating to her," says a source, "She likes [Tiger's wife] Elin [Nordegren] and adores her grandchildren. She's worried about them. She doesn't want to see them hurt." [NYPost]
• Possibly breaking the hearts of 12-year-olds across the universe, Kevin Jonas married his fiance, Danielle Deleasa at a castle on Long Island last night. [People]
• Kate Hudson "put her heartbreak behind her" by hosting a Christmas party; Kate Beckinsale, Tobey Maguire, Liv Tyler, and Fergie were all in attendance. [DailyMail]
• Meanwhile, Kate Gosselin apparently wants to put her heartbreak behind her by competing on Dancing With The Stars, even though she says she "so cannot dance." [Extra]
• "I love the [female]-empowering message that it has. If someone cheats on you or breaks up with you or does something awful or wrong to you, you [want to] sit there and cry and feel sorry for yourself and eat ice-cream and wear sweat pants and [have] your girlfriends come over. It's like no, let's not get it twisted, I'm going to put on my good shoes and my good dress and bye. You're going to watch this (slaps her backside) walk right out of the house."-Jennifer Lopez on her single, "Louboutins." [FoxNews]
• Lindsay Lohan decided to pose in a fishnet stocking bodysuit, for some reason. [NewsoftheWorld]
• Lady GaGa also posed recently, taking "futuristic" pics with famed photographer David LaChappelle. [DailyMail]
• Avatar started out strong at the box office on Friday, taking in an estimated 27 million dollars. [EW]
• Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi had an "issue" with a bathroom attendant at a club called Marquee, "because she used the hairspray and perfume and tipped the attendant 75 cents. She got offended when the attendant respectfully declined the tip," according to a source, "She's a total diva, but the other guys were very nice and had quite a few attractive girls following them around." [PageSix]
• "What I wanted to be was a musician, and play the piano in bars. I wanted to go to Nice and play on the beach in a tuxedo. I thought that was cool. It's such a romantic idea. All you have is your one tuxedo. That was my dream job growing up. I haven't written any songs for a while though."-Robert Pattinson [ShowbizSpy]
• The FBI is set to release Michael Jackson's classified files to the public on Monday; the files include information gathered during Jackson's 1994 and 2003 child molestation cases. [TMZ]
• Former Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson, who just had a baby last week, says she and her husband hope to have a big family: "We definitely want another kid right away, because we want the two kids to be close in age. We want four, but you know, we are taking it one step at a time. We're concentrating on our first child and seeing where things go from there." [OK]
• Susan Boyle's fans are pushing for the singer to record the next James Bond theme song. [DailyExpress]
• Simon Cowell is rumored to be leaving American Idol in order to host a U.S. version of The X Factor, starting in 2011. [WashingtonPost]
• "I'll play arenas. But it's about the story. What do I want my fans to say when they're 45 and talking to their daughters? I want them to say, 'I saw her four times, and before I knew it she was selling out the Garden, and every time I saw her she was ahead of her time, and she never disappointed us, and she never took too much money from us, and she always put out great music and great fashion, and I always had the time of my life.' That's what's important to me. It's not about me, it's about them!"-Lady GaGa [LATimes]
• "Sex scenes, love scenes. Yes, at this age it's unusual for somebody to do a love scene, to be making love. Yeah, that is unusual. But that is just how benighted we are. Because, you know, we still are alive. It's you and I, baby. It's authentic. The whole idea that you have to look a certain way and be a certain age to earn love is ridiculous. We love what we love. It doesn't matter what shape it is. It's thrilling to see real people on screen. The thing that broke that little barrier for me was Julie & Julia, where everyone said, "Isn't it remarkable that a tall overweight woman and a short bald man could be in love?" Well, yeah? You know what I mean? You're alive."- Meryl Streep [TimesOnline]

• Blake Fielder-Civil claims that he and his ex-wife of four months, Amy Winehouse, are back together and engaged once again. "This time we're doing things properly and hopefully that will help our families both come round to the idea. [DailyMail]

• However, Fielder-Civil admits that Winehouse's father, Mitch, might not be thrilled with the idea of the couple's reunion: "Mitch controls most of Amy's life," he says, "I'm fed up with people trying to tear us apart. The only reason me and Amy want to be together is because we love each other." [a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1237098/Amy-Winehouse-engaged-ex-husband-Blake-Fielder-Civil.html?ITO=1490&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+dailymail%2Ftvshowbiz+(TV+%26+Showbiz+|+Mail+Online)#ixzz0a99AdXKt">DailyMail]
• And he's not wrong—as Mitch Winehouse tells the Times of London: that he thinks Fielder-Civil's family sees Amy as "a fantastic opportunity" and that he hopes Fielder-Civil is out of her life: "It will be a disaster if he's not out of the picture." [TimesOnline]
• Sarah Jessica Parker is working on a "genderless perfume," and she apparently hopes it smells a bit like body odor: "It has taken me three years to decide on the scent because I really like B.O. and I think it's sexy," she says, "I wanted to figure out a way to make it palatable to everybody. I was like, 'How do you get B.O. in a bottle and make an atomiser of it?" [DailyExpress]
• Todd Phillips, director of The Hangover, says he wants Tiger Woods to make an appearance in the film's upcoming sequel: "Mike (Tyson) loved doing The Hangover because he loved f**king with the image people had of him," Phillips says, "He knew we were not making fun of him but of the image people projected on him." [DailyExpress]
• "Women who turn to cosmetic procedures look ghastly. They don't look like themselves. I quite like the way I look, I'm quite happy with the way I look and I really don't want to change it. In front of the camera it (my skin) probably isn't nearly as good as it used to be. But, I mean, what the hell, everybody's got to get older."- Joan Collins [DailyMail]
• Lindsay Lohan and Leonardo DiCaprio were spotted "socializing" again last night, showing up to the same nightclub, and later, the same Christmas party, but leaving both separately. [DailyMail]
• Meanwhile, Jude Law and Sienna Miller have been spotted all over New York City together and are apparently very much on-again. ""They spend every night in the same place together, either his place or her apartment," says a source. [NYPost]
• Charlize Theron debuted her line of Tom's Shoes yesterday: the proceeds from sales of the shoes will go to her foundation, which "is dedicated to improving the health, education, and social development of high school children in the country." [DailyExpress]
• Rachel McAdams attempted to win the cast and crew of Sherlock Holmes over with a slightly weird gift: "I had no time and it was right before work and it was our last day," she says, "so I went in and I was looking around... and then I get to the counter and there are these chocolates, and I was like, 'Oh, those are so cute; they look like little kisses... or bumholes. They're cute little chocolate bumholes!' There was, like, dark chocolate and milk chocolate and white chocolate and I bought all of them... (but) no one ate the buttholes." [DailyExpress]
• Star Trek's Patrick Stewart is set to be knighted by the Queen. [Mirror]
• Former porn star Tera Patrick split with her husband, Evan Seinfeld, after he refused to stop starring in porn himself: "I said to Evan, 'I'm your wife, and that is the strongest bond two people should have, and that should come first. I've moved on from porn. And I want you to stop. You promised me you'd only do porn for a few years. Your few years are up.' " [PageSix]
• Leann Rimes' estranged husband, Dean Sheremet, has officially filed divorce papers. The couple, who have been together since February 2002, have apparently been working on the divorce since September. [Yahoo]
• And in other divorce news: Ivana Trump has announced that she's divorcing her fourth husband, Rossano Rubicondi. [ET]
• Joey Fatone and his wife, Kelly Baldwin, are expecting their second child early next month. [DailyExpress]
• Zoe Saldana says actresses like Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry have opened doors: "Before them, women were just sex pots or mothers. They were never the heroes who saved the day. They've enabled a generation of actresses to have a bigger variety of roles. If I wanted to be part of a story that is amazing and had a lot of sexual openness, that's fine. But I am so grateful to know that, like them, I can open different doors for women." [ShowbizSpy]
• Lil' Wayne was questioned and released last night after U.S. Border Patrol agents found marijuana on two of his tour buses. [Yahoo]
• "Young actresses today don't eat enough. I meet them for lunch, we sit down at the table, they look around and they say, 'Oh, but everything is so good, everything looks wonderful.' And then they eat just a bite of this and a bite of that. They never finish their food, never. I am the only one eating at the table! I get very upset by this. I worry about them because every woman is motherly, no? I tell them to eat more because I worry they will starve to death."-Sophia Loren [DailyMail]
• Michael Jackson's Captain EO is set to return to Disneyland in February. [Yahoo]
• "I like to shop with girls. Buying them shoes, being spoiled by the girls in Chanel when they try things on - I love it."-Hugh Grant, making someone's romantic comedy dreams come true. [ShowbizSpy]
• "Post-feminism has been really confusing. It influenced so many women to leave a lot of their feminine qualities behind and assume the business suit. That's why [Sex and the City] captured so many women's imaginations. It's truthful and it's real and it's now; it's not dated, and it keeps evolving. These four women really make up one complete woman."-Kim Cattrall [WSJ]

• Jon Gosselin's having the worst week ever. Earlier, a judge ended his reality TV career and in his divorce from Kate Gosselin today, she got the house and most of the money, while he'll be making huge child support payments.

• An arbitrator decided Jon should pay five figures a month in child support and the $235,000 he withdrew from their joint account was deducted from his settlement (all of the money Kate withdrew really was spent on the kids). Maybe it's time to get a real job. [TMZ]
• "I am very relieved that our divorce has been finalized, and I look forward to the New Year, focusing on the children," said Kate Gosselin in a statement. "On behalf of myself and my legal team, I want to express my deep appreciation to the Judge and his staff, as well as to the arbitrator, for resolving this case. This has been a challenging transition for all of us, but I am confident that we will move ahead with the important task of restructuring our lives." [Radar Online]
• Beyonce's mother Tina Knowles has filed for divorce from her husband Matthew Knowles. A paternity suit was recently filed against Matthew and the documents say they "ceased to live together as husband and wife on or about January 5, 2009," the day of their 30th wedding anniversary. [TMZ]
• Gisele Bundchen revealed that she and Tom Brady named their son Benjamin in a post to her fans on her website. She thanked them and wrote: "I am living a very special moment in my life, Benjamin is a blessing and I could not be happier." [People]
• The Wayans Brothers' former assistant is suing them because he claims they stole their literary masterpiece You Know You're A Golddigger from him. [AP]
• Gross: During a trip to Universal Studios, Michael Jackson's children spotted browsing near the Magnet Max store, which sells pictures of them mourning at their father's funeral for $1.99 each. [Radar Online]
• The Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna that Jermaine Jackson was organizing has been cancelled. They couldn't find anyone willing to perform in the show after acts including Mary J. Blige, Chris Brown, and Natalie Cole pulled out. [Reuters]
• Lily Allen was supposed to perform at the charity show Mencap's Big Noise Session on Saturday, but she cancelled because she has a "severe recurrent throat infection." [The Mirror]
• As Keira Knightley predicted, her debut on London's West End stage drew mixed reviews. [AFP]
• Jessica Simpson's extremely drunk makeup artist was arrested early this morning for disturbing the peace and sources say Jess went to the jail to bail her out, but police said the woman was still to drunk to be released. [TMZ]
• The YouTube channels on teen stars including Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Ashley Tisdale, Vanessa Hudgens, and the Jonas Brothers were hacked today so that the front page showed a black screen with a letter on it that collectively spelled out "fuck you." Miley Cyrus' page has the message "I hate Asian." [Radar Online]
• Sources say Tiger Woods' mom Kultilda Woods is "hurt, angry and disappointed in Tiger. She wants to know how he could do this to his family.... She loves him and will support him through anything, but she needs some time to work through this... It was devastating to her. She likes Elin, and adores her grandchildren. She's worried about them. She doesn't want to see them hurt." [People]
• Thursday on The View, Elisabeth Hasselback asked Stanley Tucci if his wife, who died of cancer in May, had seen The Lovely Bones. She Tweeted today: "It was an honest mistake with stanley tucci today & i called him to apologize," she wrote. "He forgave me (such grace)- if only i could forgive myself..." [Radar Online]
• Rescue Me executive producer Peter Tolanbring says the show will bring back Maura Tierney, who had to leave the show after having surgery for breast cancer. He said her episodes will be shot in the spring, "so she can take care of herself and come back then." [People]
• Shane Sparks, one of the judges on the MTV show America's Best Dance Crew, has been arrested and charged with eight counts of child molestation. There is only one victim, a woman who says the "oral copulation and other acts" started in 1994 and continued for several years. Earlier this year Sparks co-star Alex Da Silva was charged with rape. [TMZ]
• Morrissey wrote on a fan site: "I am sorry that [his latest album] Swords was such a meek disaster. It was proposed and accepted as a budget-priced CD, yet emerged everywhere as the most expensive CD in the racks. It was poorly distributed and didn't stand a chance, and ranks as the lowest chart position I've ever encountered." [NME]
• Diddy says his 3-year-old twin girls are "Talking a lot more and they're very demanding... 'Sit down. Don't go anywhere, stay here, do this.' They give me a lot of orders. When they tell me to sit down, everything else gets put to the back burner." [People]
• Sophia Loren says of her famous quote, "Everything I am I owe to spaghetti," "It's not true! I never said it. 'I owe everything to the spaghetti?' It's not true. They put it in my mouth and it still goes on. It's not true. So silly. Can you imagine?" [CBS News]
• Emily Blunt says that while researching Queen Victoria for The Young Victoria, "The thing that shocked me was the required hand-holding down the stairs and Victoria's mother's sleeping in the same room as her daughter until she was 18. How suffocating that must have been, and not being allowed any friends or to read books - basically to be deprived of anything that could be inspiring or influential in any way." [WSJ]
• Sigourney Weaver says, "I changed my name when I was about twelve because I didn't like being called Sue or Susie. I felt I needed a longer name because I was so tall. So what happened? Now everyone calls me Sig or Siggy." [Esquire]
• "I love well-made clothes and its fun and it's a delight to get to borrow them and wear them. I love fittings as part of an actress' life, but it's not a preoccupation for me and I think that's the difference. I have tremendous respect for designers. ... I'm very fond of the world, but I'm not preoccupied. That's a big difference between myself and Carrie Bradshaw." — Sarah Jessica Parker [AP]
• Q: What do you think of Donald Trump? Rue McClanahan: I think of him as little, as infrequently as possible. But I do think he has a very bad hairdo." [N.Y. Magazine]

• Jersey Shore stars The Situation and Pauly D are going Hollywood: They're looking for a condo in L.A.

Snooki is not. "I'm an East Coast girl," she says. But Ronnie is hoping to go Hollywood as well: "Hopefully, I'll get a comedy career out of this," he says. "Just do something. Ride it out. There's a lot of opportunities out there, you know. I'd like to be a part of them." If these people end up having some kind of showbiz longevity what does it mean for our culture as a whole? [E!]

• Mandy Moore and her flat flat tummy are on the cover of Shape, and inside, she says: "I need to be more consistent about taking care of myself no matter how busy I am." Apparently she wants to change her eating habits and go on vacation. (That makes two of us.) Mandy claims: "The last time I took a real break was two years ago with my girlfriends in Costa Rica… This year Ryan and I want to go somewhere that's just for us – no work!" [People]
• Yesterday on The View, when talking to Stanley Tucci about The Lovely Bones, Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked him if his wife had seen the movie. Tucci's wife died last year. [Page Six]
• In a video at the link, Emily Blunt is completely charming as she talks about Young Victoria. And! She sort of does the "Single Ladies" hand wave! [Pop Wrap]
• "Here's the cougar who claims she taught Tiger how to be an animal in bed." No thanks! [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods has "been spending his days in seclusion — eating cereal and watching cartoons." [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren is telling friends that a "divorce is 100% on." [Mirror]
• Jaimee Grubbs, whom this column refers to as "Tiger's gal," just posed for Maxim. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Tiger Woods' other ladyfriend, Jamie Jungers, has naked pictures of Tiger passed out drunk. Allegedly. [Radar Online]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce should be final before the end of the year. [Mirror]
• Kid Cudi is leaving Lady Gaga's tour? Who will open for her now? [Gatecrasher via Billboard]
• Oliver Stone loved shooting Wall Street 2 in New York so much that he bought a condo downtown. His neighbors? Amy Poehler and Will Arnett. [Page Six]
• NYC celebrity hotspot the Beatrice Inn closed in April but could reopen in a new location, says owner Paul Sevigny, aka Chloe's brother… According to a source. [Gatecrasher]
• 2005 ANTM contestant Nik Pace is suing the father of her child — New York Jets wide receiver Braylon Edwards — for child support. [Page Six]
• Russell Crowe is threatening to sue a guy who wrote a "funny" book about cricket. [News.com.au]
• Here's video of LaToya Jackson shopping at Target and picking up a Rihanna CD instead of a Chris Brown CD. [TMZ]
• Mark Salling, aka Puck from Glee, is dating Audrina Patridge and they're "really into each other." [Gatecrasher]
• The Wayans brothers have a book called 101 Ways To Know You're A Golddigger, and a former assistant says it was his idea, only his book proposal was called You Know You're A Golddigger When…. [NY Daily News]
• Pamela Anderson is playing the Genie of the Lamp in a UK stage show of Aladdin. A critic says her performance is "crushed by the weight of expectation, limited technique and a truly dazzling lack of effort." [NY Daily News]
• Ugh: Here, details from the trial of the man who is accused of stalking Ashanti and sending disgusting messages to her cell phone. Ashanti's mom/manager testified that she was "terrified" and: "I'm thinking, in my mind, rape." [NY Post]
• Country music legend Loretta Lynn was battling the flu but now she "feels great," and is planning on visiting the Bahamas over the holidays. Be well! [AP]
• "The last time I was at [the restaurant] 21 was when I was 12 and nominated for a Tony for High Society. It was around the same time as the Belmont race and all the women had on big hats and I thought, 'Wow!'" — Golden Globe nominee Anna Kendrick, at a 21 Club luncheon honoring Up in the Air. [Page Six]
• "It was very important for me to be a mom." — Padma Lakshmi. [Gatecrasher]
• "It began 17 years ago, and [it's like] the loud sound of an unoccupied radio station or television station … but there is a harder element to it. I think of it as an evil sound. I'm listening to it now. It's like a fuse … SHITCH-ssssssssssssssssss … going on and on and on and on, and you LIVE in the anticipation of the explosion that fuse is crawling toward." — Yikes, William Shatner has tinnitus, a persistent, incurable ringing of the ear. [MSNBC]
• "We were at dinner once with Tom [Cruise] and Katie [Holmes]… and everyone was like, "Let's start a singing game!" [Singing in public is like my] worst nightmare. I was texting [a nearby] friend, saying 'Please, invite me to your table!'" — David Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Us]

[Image via MTV.com]

• Robert Pattinson freaked out when a fan jumped out of a car at a red light and kissed him explaining, "My mom wouldn't pull the car over to let me out because I'm just getting over the swine flu…"

• Pattinson shoved the girl off of him and yelled "You have the swine flu?!… What the hell are you doing kissing anyone?" Then he went to the nearest drug store and bought some Listerine. This story was brought to you by the National Enquirer and quite possibly, the letters B and S. [News.com.au]
• Jon Gosselin was in court today to face a former lawyer who is suing him for non-payment. [Radar Online]
• Sources say Jon and Kate Gosselin's final divorce decree will be issued today or tomorrow. Also, after photos surfaced of Jon shooting a handgun on his lawn in Pennsylvania yesterday, a judge ordered Jon not to bring a firearm onto the property he and Kate own. [Radar Online]
• Charles Fradenburg, Kurt Cobain's uncle, said his sister Wendy O'Connor has been trying to get custody of Frances Bean Cobain for many years because Courtney Love " is not fit to take care of Frances, she can barely take care of herself ... Courtney wasn't doing any parenting at all, she was hiring nannies to do all of the work." [TMZ]
• This is just sad although take it with a grain of salt: Theresa Rogers claims that Tiger Woods told her during their affair that he only married Elin Nordegren to boost his public image. [Radar Online]
• A resident of Windermere, Florida says Tiger Woods heads to a nearby course and hits golf balls "to clear his head" at night. "He goes after dark so he can't be seen. For him, what's more therapeutic than hitting golf balls, the thing he's best at in the whole world?" says the source. [Us]
• Erin Muller got her ex Michael Lohan arrested on Monday for violating her restraining order, so he had her arrested today for allegedly kicking him in the head on November 14. He says he wanted to get her out of her car because she was "too drunk and high" to drive. [TMZ]
• Kevin Jonas will marry Danielle Deleasa this weekend on Long Island. [Radar Online]
• Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist John Frusciante quit the group for a second time because, he says, "my musical interests have led me in a different direction." [Reuters]
• Amanda Seyfried is now too big for Big Love. "She's been exploring her movie career for a couple of years now, and we've been giving her a lot of room to do that," says Big Love creator Will Scheffer. "I know having a commitment to a show for six months definitely cuts into her ability to pursue that career." At the end of the season, her character will move away. [TV Guide]
• The executors of Michael Jackson's will are asking the court for "extraordinary compensation" rather than the usual executors fee because they've had to defend the estate against both Joe and Katherine Jackson and hey've been working 14 hours a day, 7 days a week to sort out MJ's finances. [TMZ]
• Steven Burky has been charged with two counts of felony stalking for allegedly breaking a restraining order Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner filed against him last year. Garner says he's been stalking her since 2002 and he was arrested earlier this week outside Violet Affleck's school. [TMZ]
• Ashanti's mother Tina Douglas testified today against Devard Hurd, the man accused of sending Ashanti's family members pictures of his genitals and text messages about having sex with her. "It was just disgusting and humiliating and extremely frightening," Douglas said. [AP]
• LeeLee Sobieski gave birth to her first child with her fiance, menswear designer Adam Kimmel ,late last night. They're keeping the name under wraps for now. [Us]
• Tom Brady was asked how week one went for his new baby with Gisele Bunchen. "It's good. It's good. I'm glad it's over!" said Tom. "I'm trying to get back to my normal sleep schedule, which I'm sure, for all of us parents, is a little tough early." [People]
• Oprah Winfrey donated $1.5 million to the Ron Clark Academy, a private middle school in inner-city Atlanta. Last December Oprah donated $365,000 to the school. [AP]
• Loretta Lynn cancelled a string of shows and insiders say its because she has the flu and is "fighting for her life." "Loretta's stubborn. She wanted to play the dates, but her doctors told her point-blank she needed to rest for weeks," says a source. "But Loretta insists, 'You tell me I can't sing anymore, you might as well dig the hole and throw dirt on me.'" [Contact Music]
• Melanie Griffith's rep announced that she had surgery to remove early stage skin cancer from her face. The procedure was done early enough to prevent more complications. [AP]
• Lady Gaga says her song "Dance In The Dark" is about "a girl who likes to have sex with the lights off, because she's embarrassed about her body. She doesn't want her man to see her naked. She will be free, and she will let her inner animal out, but only when the lights are out... These lyrics are a way for me to talk about how I believe women and some men feel innately insecure about themselves all the time. It's not sometimes, it's not in adolescence, it's always." [MTV]
• 1.42 million people watched Tuesday's episode of Bad Girls Club, making it Oxygen's highest-rated non-finale show ever. [Media Week]
• Guy Ritchie says he wanted to make sure Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law were friends before they started shooting Sherlock Holmes. "What was essential to me is that when these guys first met as mates that they really got on with one other, and they did — within five seconds," Ritchie said . "Rudy [Downey Jr.] and Judy [Law] and I had a lot of late nights in the pub." [CNN]
• Jude Law says he regrets changing his name from David Law because, "(I was) assigned to the girls' dormitories and sleeping quarters when I was a teenager and I joined the National Youth Music Theatre. Someone took a look at my name and clearly thought, 'It has to be a girl.' How wrong can you get?" [Daily Express]
• Q: "So when are you going to be made a Sir?" Hugh Grant: "You would assume it's around the corner. No, I'm pretty hated in my own country, sadly. I love it, it hates me." [Popeater]
• Hugh Grant says that in Did You Hear About The Morgans, "I look ridiculous. I look like some old lesbian." [CBS News]
• Sarah Ferguson, who produced The Young Victoria, says the character she relates to most in the film is, "Prince Albert, because I know what it's like to be a guest. It is very difficult when you are not born in to it, to fit in to a life that you cannot logically understand. [Those born to it] are born to duty and to be selfless to the grave." [Reuters]
• "I had a girl come up to me once with a sunflower, like, she just came running up to me, and she just wanted to say thanks for being in Almost Famous. I was like, 'Thank Cameron Crowe!' And I thank him every day, I do. That experience for me was like growing up. So thank you for asking about it, and feeling so strongly about it, because that film was a huge part of my life, too." — Kate Hudson [Nylon]
• "As I look back, I've always been so proud of what I've been able to do in film. It was sort of by default that I created this strong identity or the voice of the misfit or the disenfranchised or the outsider. For me, I just look for complexity. Even in the early years, like in the '90s, I was just looking for interesting roles or working with filmmakers that allowed me to bring more to the table than these cookie-cutter youth roles. And particularly being a young female, they usually were a daughter who is pretty in-the-box, like, "Precocious Girl!" or the girlfriend — "She's desirable! She's on the cusp of womanhood!" — or whatever these boring things were." — Juliette Lewis [USA Today]
• "I always get thrown out of the set, because asking for too many takes. I have a problem with that. I cannot let go. I cannot say 'OK, now we can stop and move to the next thing...' I drive everybody crazy because I can't control myself. I always want to do one more." — Penelope Cruz [Daily Express]
• When asked how her beauty routine has changed over the years, Cate Blanchett said, "Back then, I'd go to bed with my makeup on if I'd been out. And I went through a big Gothic phase, so my pillow was always covered in black mascara and white pancake makeup." [People]
• One of Demi Moore's Twitter followers wrote after seeing a recent picture of her, "Sorry but, you look old... specially your neck and cheecks [sic] at the second shot... i'm really sorry." She replied: "I'm 47, how am I supposed to look?." [Daily Mail]

• Are there more kids in Sarah Jessica Parker's future?

Maybe adopted ones? In this lengthy interview, she says of having twins via a surrogate: "Matthew and I were looking at a variety of ways to expand our family. And I wouldn't say that we are done either. We will keep exploring different ways to have a family I think." In addition, her son, an Obama supporter, is upset with the President: "He has expressed pride in Obama, although he has also expressed to me that he is unhappy at how much Obama is on television." [The Daily Beast]

• Nicole Kidman needs to cool it when it comes to powdering her nose. [NY Daily News]
• Peaches Geldof was in a high-speed car crash in California yesterday while on her way to Disneyland; she and her friends were not hurt, but the front of the car was, in her words, "totally mangled." [The Sun]
• Anne Hathaway was also involved in a car accident yesterday — her boyfriend Adam Shulman was driving and she was in the passenger seat when they hit a cyclist. Paramedics were called, but no one was seriously injured; no one went to the hospital. [Radar Online]
• Kate Hudson — who has been upset about her breakup with Alex Rodriguez — was seen chatting with Madonna, who also dated A-Rod, at the Nine after-party. Also, when Jay-Z's "Empire State Of Mind" — the unofficial Yankees anthem — came on, "Kate looked at her mom and did a fake scream," says a source. [Page Six]
• This column about the Nine after-party begins, "There's sure to be gossiping when you put a lot of females in one room…" And when you put men in one room, it's what? A brain trust? Anyways: Penelope Cruz has a ring that MIGHT mean she's engaged to Javier Bardem. Fergie was supportive of Kate Hudson, and made a speech about her "integrity" and "loyalty." And! Josh Duhamel, recently accused of hooking up with a stripper, was seen "doting" on Fergie. [Gatecrasher]
• Madonna and Tiger Woods have something in common: They went to the same sports-medicine specialist… who was arrested in October for smuggling uman growth hormone across the Canadian border. [Page Six]
• We heard this earlier, but here it is again: Elin Nordegren and her kids will spend the holidays in Sweden without Tiger Woods. [People]
• It's being reported that Elin Nordegren met with Los Angeles celebrity attorney Sorrell Trope — who has represented Nicole Kidman, Britney Spears and Cary Grant — to renegotiate the terms of a prenuptial agreement and file for divorce. [NY Post]
• What would Charles Barkley say if he could talk to his friend Tiger Woods? "I would tell him I love him. I have been disappointed with the people who are around him. They have got him so locked up. I know myself and Michael [Jordan have] been trying to get to him and we just want to tell him: 'Hey, man, we love you and you are our friend.' You need to know in times like this you have got friends. I am so pissed that they have got him holed up. He is a 33-year-old grown man. He did something wrong to his wife. He has to answer to her and his kids. That's it. But this notion that he is hiding out ... I mean he hasn't shown his face in almost two weeks." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Courtney Love is banned from contacting her daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. [Page Six]
• Vanity Fair fashion and style director Michael Roberts was spotted doing a photo shoot with Jesus Luz in Ipanema, and yes, Jesus is basically bare-chested, why do you ask? [Made In Brazil]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Sofia Coppola is expecting her second child. [Gatecrasher via People]
• So, this was inevitable, I guess, but Snooki from Jersey Shore is in the gossip columns now. More precisely, this is an "exclusive" from her: She's been fired from her job. "I was a receptionist at a corporation," Snooki says. "I was getting good money, like $13 an hour. I got fired when I asked for time off to go to L.A." there's some more info about how The Situation got advice from Kristin Cavallari and how JWoww is still dating the same guy she was when she moved into the house at the link. [E!]
• Uh, Jersey Shore beauty secrets. [NY Daily News]
• Sandra Bullock was named Entertainment Weekly's Hollywood MVP, and says: "Being a movie star is a joke… It's all such a crapshoot." [Gatecrasher]
• Hugh Grant is truly irresistible. Everything he utters in this interview is ridiculously charming. Here's him talking about his father: "I play golf with him once a week, and he was puffing and panting. He was very unfit. I sent him to my very expensive trainer. He hasn't been to a gym since 1961. He didn't even have any gym clothes. We bought him some online. After two visits, he refused to wear them anymore and said, 'They're nonsense.' Now, he goes to the gym in corduroy trousers, a shirt and a cravat, I promise you. He's there, walking along on the machine." On Sarah Jessica Parker: "I hate almost everyone, and I really like her… Who would have thought a girl that size could eat that much? I've never seen anything like that in my life. She's half-girl, half-locust. Same with facts. She loves facts, the dullest facts. 'So you drive an Audi. What's special about that engine?' She remembers every detail." Also, he almost quit acting: "Doing Music and Lyrics, I had all these panic attacks. They're awful. I freeze like a rabbit. Can't speak, can't think, sweating like a bull. When I got home from doing that job, I said to myself: 'No more acting. End of films.'" [USA Today]
• Jennifer Lopez taped her performance for So You Think You Can Dance? yesterday. Marc Anthony and the kids were in the audience, watching. [Page Six]
• Tinsley Mortimer: Seen making out with Constantine Maroulis. [Page Six]
• At the link, Charlyne Yi talks about which movie this year made her weep, her harp lessons, Michael Cera, weird Facebook messages, and music: "It's funny, I think I've been living in a bubble for so many years, and I listen to the same music that I did when I was maybe 8. Like, I still listen to the song How I Will I Know by Whitney Houston." [Pop Candy]
• George Clooney is kind of in the middle of a coffee commercial war. [AdAge]
• Paula Abdul regrets leaving American Idol. A source says: "She was confident she would get her own talk show and even a gig performing live on the Las Vegas strip - none of which has materialized. It's going to get worse in January when Idol is everywhere with Ellen sitting in her seat." [MSNBC via Pop Eater]
• "EXCLUSIVE: Brady Madness! Crazed Girlfriend Ran To Chris Knight After Attacking Barry Williams." [Radar Online]
• Dan Rather says he's spent over $2 million of his own money in his ongoing lawsuit with CBS. [NY Post]
• George Stephanopolous replaced Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America and the ratings are meh. [Page Six]
• Cop drama Southland is moving from NBC to TNT, and producer Ann Biderman thinks it was more of a cable series to begin with. [NY Daily News]
• "John Lennon's Lost Six-Hour Interview." [Guardian]
• Q. How has James Cameron changed since you worked together on Aliens 25 years ago? Sigourney Weaver: "He's a different man. When we worked on Aliens we were in England and the crew was like, 'Who's this young upstart? Where's Ridley Scott?' He kept setting up screenings of The Terminator for them, and they wouldn't show up. Over the course of the shoot, they learned who they were dealing with. Jim's actually a nice guy. He's demanding - he's going to make you bring your 200 percent game - but he's never mean and he's harder on himself than anyone else. All these years later, he's more settled, he's happily married, he does this because he loves it, and he can get what he wants and create what he wants." [EW]
• "He encouraged me to be a storyteller. What parent tells their kid not to be a doctor?" — Up In The Air writer/director Jason Reitman, who dropped out of medical school, on his father, noted producer Ivan Reitman. [Page Six]
• "It's come full circle in many respects. I had a lot of bitterness and anger . It wasn't until the writing of this song that I really forgave my father. I realized if I continued to feel that anger and bitterness towards my dad, I would have a constant cloud hanging over my head . Writing is therapy for me. It has also allowed me to embrace dad and the Beatles." — Julian Lennon has forgiven his father John Lennon, 30 years after John's death. The song is called "Lucy" and is based on his recently deceased childhood friend Lucy Vodden, who was also the inspiration for "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds." [Daily Express]
• "Part of my business is looking good. But I'm not the monster I used to be in the exercise department." — Jennifer Lopez. [Gatecrasher via Allure]
• "I'm not a prude at all. I'm delighted for anyone to use any kind of language they want to use. To be off-color. To work blue. Honestly, I have no objections. I love that people have and use all the choices in the world. I just have not for many, many, many, many, many years been someone who uses salty language. I don't think it suits me. I'm not comfortable with it. Can you picture me using the F-word? Listen: 'What the fuck!' See? It doesn't work for me. It sounds silly in my mouth." — Sarah Jessica Parker. [The Daily Beast]
• "I was smoking at a club one night, and this girl walked up to me and said, 'I can't believe you're smoking after playing someone in a hospital all this time!' I couldn't for the life of me figure out who she thought I was. [Then] she leaned over and said, 'I think your best work was in Garden State.'" — Justin Long was not flattered that someone thought he was Zach Braff. [Gatecrasher]
• "What really resonated with me was how wonderful that commitment that [Victoria and Albert] had to each other was, and how important that is… People quit on jobs. They quit on marriages. They quit on school. There's an immediacy of this day and age that doesn't lend itself to being committed to anything." — Emily Blunt, star of Young Victoria. [LA Times]

• Courtney Love threatened to sue Perez Hilton for publishing her messages about Frances Bean Cobain, yet she posted about her daughter again today saying, "im angry at these people not Frances id just prefer she not become Jaimie L Spears."

• Courtney wrote on Facebook this afternoon: "theres not a whole lot i can do about it. this is like a hand grenade got thrown into our lives and its not Frances! i am angry at these people not Frances id just prefer she not become Jaimie L Spears, she should go be a writer or an a...rtist wich i support 100% but this is a circus and it pains me cos i know she hates it." She added, "i very much miss my daighter, i know she knows how miserable i am im despairing and so sad, so so sad, but i just want to help her be happy, thats it, get her house and get her school and thats all ive ever wanted." [TMZ]
• Courtney Love says Perez Hilton defamed her by posting the two earlier Facebook messages about Frances Bean Cobain and the Cobain family and now she's getting her lawyer involved. In another Facebook message posted today Love writes: "perez you know what YOUR lawyer saud? to a client? "if shed just give in and sell rest for 15 million all of this would dissapear like magic" tell him to suck i oh by the way you lying queen youve just lied and defamed me and my child for the last time i fuckign HATE YOU you fat ass piece of bully shit PART of that was from a personal lettr and PART of that YOU made up, and thats ILLEGAL." [BlackBook Mag]
• The arbitrator has made his decision on how the Gosselins' assets should be divided up. His decision is confidential, but sources say now that the money has been split a divorce decree is "imminent." [TMZ]
• A source says Kate Gosselin "couldn't be happier" with how their assets were divided. "Kate is thrilled." [Radar Online]
• Kate Hudson and A-Rod actually broke up weeks ago, according to insiders. "Kate decided to take her mom to some of the press stuff and premieres as her date – that was good for her," says the source. "They both have kids and totally different lives ... They may not be done working it out though." [People]
• Tiger Woods' lady friends Jamie Jungers and Jaimee Grubbs ran into each other at a club in L.A. earlier this week. Grubbs told Jungers to stay away from her because she "hasn't talked to Tiger since the scandal broke, and she's done with it," said a source. "She wants to be disassociated from the whole thing. She just wants to do her own thing." So that's why she sold her story to the tabloids instead of just "doing her own thing" on Tool Acadamy? [E!]
• Tiger Woods' 14th named mistress Theresa Rogers heard the rumors that Tiger paid Rachel Uchitel millions to keep quiet and now she wants a payoff too. [Radar Online]
• Did you hear that Elin Nordegren would be appearing in ads for Puma? Well, it isn't true. A spokesman for the company says, "To correct recent news headlines, Puma has no plans to engage in a brand sponsorshop agreement with Elin Woods." [Extra]
• Sources say that next week Elin Nordegren is meeting with a divorce attorney who has worked with Nicole Kidman, Nicolas Cage and Britney Spears. [Radar Online]
• Just six months after opening his Mirimichi golf course near Memphis, Justin Timberlake is closing it from January to July to make improvements. [AP]
• Sophia Coppola and her boyfriend Thomas Mars are expecting their second child. [People]
• Garth Brooks is suing his hometown hospital in Yukon, Oklahoma because he donated $500,000 for a building to be named after his late mother four years ago, but the building never materialized. [CNN]
• There are rumors that Alexa Chung quit her MTV show because she is suffering from an eating disorder, but her rep insists, "She is absolutely exhausted. She's been working 16-hour days on four live shows a week. She didn't want to do that any more. It's been absolutely grueling and she hasn't had time to explore New York." The rep added, "Everybody's body looks different depending on what you wear. It's very easy to find a picture with bones sticking out. Alexa's weight hasn't changed for four years and she takes her role as a style icon and someone young girls look up to very seriously." [News Of The World]
• Jesse McCartney dumped Hayden Panettiere and is hooking up with his ex-girlfriend Katie Cassidy. [E!]
• BBC Radio DJ Chris Evans apologized to listeners for George Michael swearing during an interview. This article doesn't say what George Michael said. [The Mirror]
• During an interview CNN's Wolf Blitzer asked Shakira, '"She Wolf.' I have a personal interest in the name. How did you come up with that name?" She replied, "I bet you do. Well you were part of the reason." [Press Release]
• Usher's ex-wife Tameka Raymond said, "While I am flattered at the rumor circulating about being considered to join the cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I am absolutely not joining the cast. I was initially approached by the producers for last season and declined. At this point, my priorities are focusing on being a mom and my philanthropy, Lost Ones Foundation." [E!]
• Mo'Nique says she heard that she was nominated for a Golden Globe "In the bathroom with my husband having a conversation, just laughing and joking and he gets a text from one of the producers of ‘The Mo'Nique Show,' saying ‘Congratulations, on the Golden Globe nomination.' I just started laughing. I said, O.K.!... our bathroom is I guess, you know how people have their favorite room? It just happens to be our bathroom. That's normally where we get all our news!" [NYT]
• John Krasinski says of working with Meryl Streep in It's Complicated, "It was my first day, and it was our first big scene together. As Zoe (Kazan, as Streep's middle child) is driving away, I put my arm around Meryl, and I say, 'They grow up so fast.' I was slowly trying not to feel so awkward, but every single one of my fingers knew I was touching Meryl Streep." [USA Today]
• Emily Blunt says of Queen Victoria, who she plays in The Young Victoria, "I only knew the image of her as the grizzled old woman, to read about this spicy, spunky girl who said no to the world, it was really exciting and revealing to read her diaries and her letters. She was a modern girl, refusing to conform. And I loved that. She had this incredibly oppressive, lonely childhood, and yet she had the steeliness to rise above it all and become a success." [USA Today]
• Keira Knightley, who is making her debut on London's West End on Friday says, "(I know I will be) burned alive (by the critics). I'm not coming into it with any great expectations of coming away with great reviews. I thought if I don't do theatre right now, I think I'm going to start being too terrified to do it. So I just thought, okay, dive in and give it a go. If my best isn't good enough, then so be it." [Daily Express]
• Miss Piggy has some very un-P.C. views on female domestic abusers. She says: "My Kermie is nothing like [Tiger Woods]. I just want to say, he would never do anything untoward moi, but, if he did, you can rest assured there'd be a hole in one, and he'd be the one!"[People]
• Daniel Day Lewis said watching Nine at the New York premiere "was nerve-wracking." He added, "That's the one and only time I will do that." [Showbiz 411]
• When asked if she'll appear in Ghostbusters 3, Sigourney Weaver said, "I might do it; I didn't realize I was in it. So I'm going to read the script. I was happy to discover, though, that my little baby son [from Ghostbusters 2] has grown up and become a ghostbuster. I think that Ivan [Reitman] wants our little grouplet together. I think it's a lovely idea to have another generation of people discover the characters. I remember I was opening the door for some trick-or-treaters last Halloween and a bunch of ghostbusters came to door. And one woman was [my character, Dana Barrett], and because I was at a friend's house, it was a complete accident. Might as well feed them a new movie." [WSJ]
• "I don't really desire things. I prefer to spend my money on experiences, on meals or travel. I look at the world through a green lens now, but you can't make yourself crazy. That feeling of green guilt can be really inhibiting," says Rachel McAdams. "It's about a changing mind-set, remembering to turn off the water when you are brushing your teeth." [Daily Express]

Ok!
Kendra was pregnant, and now she's given birth. Margaret says, "her baby is pretty cute, but I still don't care." The mag asks her how she'll lose the 55 lbs. she put on during the pregnancy, and she says she'll do martial arts, swimming and squats. "It's time to get my butt back into shape." Whatever. Also inside: A source says since things got serious between Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan in November, she's telling friends that she wants to have his children. Billy is "very caught up in Jessica's mystique" and believes it's a relationship worth pursuing. Lastly: Lindsay Lohan was asked about the Gucci model she's supposedly dating, and proclaimed: "it's lame b.s."
Grade: F (flight cancelled)

In Touch
"Melissa Says 'I Do.'"
If you have the devotion required to read this eight-page article about the wedding of former The Bachelor contestant Melissa Rycroft, we salute you. Because we could only glance at all of the mind-numbing details. We do know that at the end of the ceremony, the bride and groom walked away from the altar to an instrumental version of the Monday Night Football theme song. Moving on: Madonna bought a $10 million 30-acre farm in the Hamptons. Jessica Simpson's "dangerous" new romance with Billy Corgan is covered thusly: "Jessica Simpson has always been a bit misguided when it comes to love. So when she was spotted walking out of the Ritz-Carlton in New York on December 4 with 42-year-old Smashing Pumpkins singer Billy Corgan, the world responded with a bemused 'WTF?'" An insider says they are not exclusive. They seem to have little in common, but they're both religious. Billy's "friend" tells the magazine that he's using the relationship to promote his new album. His ex-girlfriend, Tila Tequila, says: "I think Jessica Simpson is a waste of space. She can't even put two and two together. She doesn't show any female empowerment. She gets screwed over by her ex-boyfriends because she is all clingy. She should stop being so weak and stand up for yourself." In an interview, Tiger Woods' high school girlfriend says he broke her heart by dumping her via letter and writing that his parents were making him concentrate on his career. Next: A story called "Angelina's Desperate To Keep Brad" uses happy pictures from the Unicef Snowflake ball to illustrate how Angie is possessively clutching at Brad (see image 7). So a picture of her playfully grabbing his jacket becomes "she is trying to hold on to him for dear life." Angie wanted everyone to see how happy they were, but, according to the mag, "onlookers saw right through the Oscar-winning actress's transparent performance." Brad is smiling in every picture, yet the mag claims "Brad seemed visibly annoyed" by her "over-the-top antics." Body language expert Dr. Lillian Glass says: "His sad, non-smiling eyes and lack of a genuine smile also indicate his unhappiness." Brad took pictures with George Clooney and Matt Damon, and Angelina jumped into some of the pix, so the mag claims: "Brad wanted photos of him and his boys together. But Angelina insisted on inserting herself into them. It was obvious she was seeking attention." The lesson here is that Brad should learn to smize and Angelina should be a wallflower. Next, Gia, who's mom is Teresa from RHONJ, has a two-page spread of her closet (like mom did) and as for Jacqueline from RHONJ, "her son can rock any look." (See images 8 and 9.) Hey! Look who was quoted regarding that Sex And The City Photoshop Of Horrors on page 58! (See image 10)
Grade: D-, downgraded to F for irrelvant cover (flight delayed 6 hours)

Life & Style
"Baby Joy!"
An insider claims that Angelina decided, about four months ago, that she wanted to get pregnant again. "She basically told Brad that if it happens, it happens, and she wasn't going to concern herself with birth control. Angie's most at peace when a baby's coming." Nowhere does it say that she's actually pregnant, even though the cover claims "baby no. 7 is on its way." So "on its way" must mean "twinkle in the eye." Don't be fooled: the other two baby "exclusives" are old quotes from Kendra and Kourtney and no photos of their newborns. Moving on: Kate Gosselin's BFF Jamie says that at night when the kids are in bed, Kate is lonely. "That's when she calls and we chat. It gets lonely when you're the only adult." Oh, and Kate hasn't had sex in a year. Oh, and here's a picture of Jon eating Panda Express alone in a mall somewhere, which is sad and also HILARIOUS. Next, we present image 11 WITHOUT COMMENT. Famed fling Jamie Jungers spoke to the mag and says Tiger Woods is '"well endowed — above average. I would rate him an 8 out of 10 in bed. He used to call me 'Jamie Juices' or 'my little coffee cup.' We never used protection. We just got caught up in the moment. We didn't discuss it." FYI: Billy Corgan calls himself a "wrestlemaniac." Ooh, the mag casts the movie of Tiger Woods' life, starring Cuba Gooding Jr., Lindsay Lohan, Reese Witherspoon and more! (see image 12). You know how they're filming Sex And The City in Morocco? Well John Corbett was there. Spoiler! Aidan's back. Apparently European tabloids are reporting that George Clooney's gf, Elisabetta Canalis, was "getting cozy" with Dutch soccer star Clarence Seedorf over Thanksgiving weekend, but Cloons and the Italian chick are "solid as ever." Finally: "Mother-Daughter Plastic Surgery Brought Us Closer" is about Lynne Curtin from RHOOC getting a facelift on the same day that her daughter got a nose job. Lynne says "it was a total mother-daughter experience."
Grade: D- (flight delayed 2 hours)

Us
"Split! Why Reese Left Him"
Basically Reese and Jake had a "civil and measured" breakup. She felt pressured to wed again, but she wasn't ready, says a source: "She decided to walk away rather than walk down the aisle." The breakup transpired "over a series of phone calls." She couldn't commit, and even last year, she told Parade: "I'm not far enough out of being married to do it again." Also, when she was giving all of her energy to Jake, she felt like she wasn't giving her kids enough. She's "a Sunday-school teaching, take-charge personality" who "wants things the way she wants them"; while Jake is "really laid back." Moving on: A picture of Lindsay Lohan in India, holding a child! (See image 13.) Rihanna has a new tattoo on her chest, which says: "Never a failure, always a lesson" backwards, so she can see it in the mirror. Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are planing a "hush-hush" wedding in Spain before the new year; the bride will wear Balenciaga. Finally: A "source" says of the Jessica Simpson/Billy Corgan relationship: "She likes weirdos and anybody who's a 'real' musician. He's smart and intense, so she likes that. But they have practically nothing in common."
Grade: D- (flight delayed one hour)

Star
"Tiger & Jessica: The Shocking Inside Story."
Jessica Simpson attended a golf event with Tony Romo on July 1, so she met Tiger Woods. A "friend" says she'd actually met Tiger before, and thought he was really sexy. She was excited to see him again and "packed a bunch of slinky outfits so he'd notice her." Tiger liked what he saw and they were "touchy feely" and flirty! Jessica asked Tiger, "coyly," if he was available for private golf lessons and he slipped her his cell phone number. And she gave him her number. And what happened next was NOTHING. She's a good girl whose daddy was a preacher and would never date a married man, etc. etc. etc. But: She has a framed photo of her and Tiger (and Tony) in her bedroom. Moving on: Angelina smiled at Brad at the Unicef party and the smile "was the same one she'd given him" when she was pregnant before. So clearly she is pregnant now. A family insider says: "Angie hasn't been this happy in months." She's constantly laughing and chatty and "this is exactly like she was when she was pregnant with Shiloh and the twins." The insider adds: "She's got her pregnancy personality back." Brad Pitt walked her to the ladies room, and waited outside for her — and when they sat together, he stroked her hair. So: Pregnant. Leading body language expert Patti Wood says: "We rarely see photos of Angelina smiling like this. When you are joyful, your facial muscles go up, indicating a state of euphoria — which is exactly how she could feel if she's expecting again." Um, did she just explain what a SMILE is?!?! Recently, Star reported that the coupe had the fight to end all fights. But NOW Brad seems committed to being by Angie's side. Because you can leave six kids, but you can't leave seven. Next: Taylor Momsen was fired from Gossip Girl because they were sick of her late nights and unprofessional behavior. But she is telling people she is leaving for other acting gigs, and music. Her rep says she is NOT fired, but we'll see. Is Robert Pattinson the new James Dean? (see image 14) Rihanna called a friend and said she had a "sexy secret." She said: "Don't trip, but I hooked up with Justin." It was "good — hot and wild" and they had some of the best makeout sessions she's ever experienced. Justin's been calling her nonstop, but Rihanna says it's just for fun. "She's only out for the physical with him," says a source. "And she got it." HOT. Blind item! "Which fading reality starlet recently pulled a Britney? She shaved her head and was involuntarily admitted to a mental hospital in early December, but cameras missed the whole thing." Drew Barrymore and Justin Long were walking in NYC and it was really cold, and she asked if she could borrow his coat, and he was like, "No way, I'm freezing too." At the Gossip Girl Christmas party, Kelly Rutherford, 41, lured 24-year-old Chace Crawford away from doing Don Julio tequila shots with Ed Westwick and went into "full-on cougar mode." "They were getting kind of saucy." Lastly: A male model and aspiring rapper named Michael Girgenti, whose stage name is Primo Stallone, claims that he is the father of Kourtney Kardashian's baby. He also says he has "private kinky pictures" of himself and Kourtney, and when asked if there was a possibility that he had fathered Kourtney's baby, Michael said: "You could say that. Yeah." Apparently Kourtney didn't even know who the father was but her mom, Kris, told her to say publicly that it was her ex, Scott Disick.
Grade: D (turbulent flight)

• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up, for real this time.

It is, naturally, "amicable and mutual." [Extra via Gossip Cop]

• Robert Pattinson and his Remember Me costar Emilie de Ravin had a "secret" date! Except it's not a secret, because we know about it. And it wasn't so much a date but a photoshoot for Vogue. Apparently the "theme" of the photoshoot is a date at the museum (LACMA, Los Angeles County Museum Of Art) and the look is edgy, tattered high fashion. [E!]
• Jessica Simpson went to see sister Ashlee in Chicago on Broadway and asked for popcorn in the lobby. [Page Six]
• Roman Polanski will spend Christmas and New Year's Eve in his Alpine chalet: "Swiss authorities say they will decide early next year on whether to extradite director Roman Polanski to the United States." [AP]
• Apparently Elin Nordegren is "not going to be one of those 'stand by her man' women," according to a source: "Forgiveness isn't exactly around the corner." Next stop: Splitsville. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This report claims that Elin Nordegren wants half of Tiger Woods' $548 million. I can barely even wrap my mind around how much money that is. [Mirror]
• Um, Charles Barkley and Spike Lee are concerned about Tiger Woods. Apparently he's not speaking to Barkley or any of his famous friends. In a one hour special, to air Sunday on HLN, Barkley says: "I think when you have these fires in your life, as I call them, you need to talk to somebody else who is famous who [has] been through things in their life… I don't think you can talk about it to your family and friends, because your family and friends, they're not famous." Lee says: "He's insulated… If Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan can't get to him, and those are his boys, then other people are making bad moves." [CNN]
• Tiger Woods' high school girlfriend says Tiger was devastated by his father cheating. "He would just call crying and say, 'My dad is with another woman,' and that would be all he could say," she says. "He would be so upset, so I just tried to be there for him and listen to him." Hopefully he is talking about this in therapy. [E!]
• Tiger's ladyfriend Jamie Junger says she partied in Las Vegas with Tiger Woods and Charles Barkley, gambling for hours in a VIP area: "Tiger would occasionally put his hand on my leg but it was underneath the table… There was nobody around except the blackjack dealer, the roulette dealer and a cocktail waitress who would come in the room. There was nobody in that room except for myself, Tiger and Charles Barkley." [Radar Online]
• In an exclusive story, People is reporting that Elin Nordegren plans to divorce Tiger Woods. A source says: "She's made up her mind. There's nothing to think about: he's never going to change." [People]
• This report claims Elin is planning to take the kids to spend the holidays with her family in Sweden. [NY Daily News]
• Lady Gaga is the most-listened to artist of the year, according to Last.fm. [Mirror]
• Carrie Underwood is on the cover of Self, and inside, she says: "Before I die, I want to get rid of all my money… Recently, I started a foundation to benefit my hometown [the Checotah Animal, Town and School Foundation: C.A.T.S.]. I'm looking forward to doing a lot of good for a community that's a big part of why I am who I am." [People via Self]
• Young Victoria star Emily Blunt says she sees a correlation between being a celebrity today and Queen Victoria: "Queen Victoria was a celebrity of that time." She also says, of being famous: "I'm not hounded in any way, like so many people are. It's not that life changing or life inhibiting. I feel like you can make a choice. I really do. And you can have an aura about you that doesn't attract that kind of attention. You just find the dive bars. That's my advice. Go get a cheeseburger and find a dive-bar. But that's how I like to live my life. Some people don't like to live it that way. Some people want to go to those places, the chic, chic places and go to the scenes. That's their choice." [BlackBook]
• A "source" says A-Rod broke up with Kate Hudson a week ago, but wanted to break up with her over a week ago. [Us]
• Kate Hudson and her mom Goldie Hawn did some "boy-bashing" at a bar Monday night over drinks. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Gosselin is lonely. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Newsflash: Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker actually like each other. [Daily Express]
• Sarah Jessica Parker calls motherhood "the most perfectly overwhelming experience." [People]
• The dude who tried to blackmail David Letterman tried to "mask" the transaction s a business deal, prosecutors said in court Tuesday. [USA Today]
• This column alleges that the guy was so paranoid that he thought David Letterman might kill him over the extortion plot. [Page Six]
• The man accused of secretly videotaping Erin Andrews naked pled guilty to one count of interstate stalking. [TMZ]
• Usher, Michelle Trachtenberg, John Legend, Leighton Meester and Beyoncé were spotted at Robin Thicke's album release party. [Page Six]
• Snoop Dogg smoking weed? You don't say. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl pseudo-spoiler involving Chuck Bass at the link. [Gatecrasher]
• Before the Golden Globe nomination announcements, Quentin Tarantino said, "I'm not nervous… I'll either get something or I won't. We'll see." Inglourious Basterds got a best supporting actor nod for Christolph Waltz, as well as best motion picture, drama; director and screenplay. [LA Times]
• Rumor has it Tobey Maguire will play Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, but he says: "I have not met or spoken to Guillermo del Toro or Peter Jackson or anybody. Nobody has given me a script or approached me about it. Somebody actually sent me that link that said that I had a conversation with the director and it was just not true." [Access Hollywood]
• General Hospital and "Jessie's Girl" fans: Rick Springfield is working on a memoir, Late, Late At Night, which will detail his long battle with depression. [AP]
• Diddy is not, repeat, not getting married. Adjust accordingly. [Page Six]
• Motley Crue's Vince Neil allegedly owes $62,000 in unpaid legal fees. [Contact Music]
• Alec Baldwin has donated $1 million to Tisch School of the Arts at NYU for a scholarship fund. [Gatecrasher]
• Isabella Rossellini has been studying at NYU for her final exams in animal behavior and environmental science. [Gatecrasher]
• "The administrators of Michael Jackson's estate and a cadre of attorneys are seeking millions for managing the King of Pop's affairs after death, court documents filed Tuesday show." [USA Today, TMZ]
• Morgan Spurlock versus Harvey Weinstein? Details at the link. [Page Six]
• RIP Joseph Tierney, who served 16 years on the Boston City Council — and is Maura Tierney's dad. [Boston]
• Blind items! "Which television anchor is frantically denying he had an affair with his wife's sister?" And: "Which Hollywood hottie is less than impressed with her ex-boy friend's equipment? She's telling friends he's a flop in the sack." [Page Six]
• "If she's angry, I allow her to say, 'Damn! I'm so frustrated today!' We have our moments when we clash, but we have a good relationship. I want her to count on me to try to understand what she's going through. No damnation, no condemnation, nothing that's going to make her feel like she can't come to me." — Whitney Houston on daughter Bobbie Kristina, aka Krissy. Whitney's looking good on the cover of In Style, there's a pic at the link. [People via InStyle]
• "I have always performed. I have always brought music to people. I know that the sound at the O2 is phenomenal. I know that it holds about - be still, my heart - 15,000 people. And I hope that our lovely show will satisfy and fill that vast arena. I think it will, but I also know that it will be very daunting…I can sing-speak, I do have some bass notes that I discovered, and I do have just a couple of tricks up my sleeve that I think will surprise people. I'm a little nervous, more than a little nervous. I'm also excited and pleased to be bringing this concert to London. It's a gorgeous evening of music and I'm thrilled to be bringing it to London. As far as I'm concerned, they're not going to be hearing the Julie they used to hear. But I will be using my voice the best I know how these days. Some notes I can't try again. The truth is I don't have the soprano voice I used to have. But I do have a few solid bass notes that I will employ to the best of my ability." — Julie Andrews, on her concert, coming in May 2010 — her first since a throat operation threatened to silence her forever. [Daily Mail]
• "I made this terrible decision early on when I said I thought Watson should have a starched collar. Then, with it on, I could barely swallow my sandwiches at lunchtime." — Jude Law, on his Sherlock Holmes wardrobe. [Telegraph]
• "When Rob Marshall called me up and said, 'We are going to do this film about the story of Fellini and I would like you to be in it,' I was very proud of it because I was the only Italian in the film to be able to say Italian movies are still wonderful all over the world. So, I accepted in a very nice way and Rob told me — he was lying, of course — that he was not going to do the film if I wasn't in it. So, I said, 'For the sake of his career, it's OK, I'm going to be in it.' I did it and here I am to answer your questions… Italians will be the same always, all the time… Italians are a people that have a lot of heart, a lot to say in every field and we will always be very successful ... and proud of being Italian." — The legendary Sophia Loren, on Nine. She has probably not seen Jersey Shore. [UPI]
• "Animals aren't easy, but what's annoying about children is that everyone loves them and I resent that. I only work with ugly children." — Hugh Grant. [People]
• "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough, to get the right one." — Russell Brand. [Page Six]

• Courtney Love, who recently lost custody of Frances Bean Cobain, posted two incoherent rants on her Facebook page today, bashing Kurt Cobain's family and her 17-year-old daughter. She says Frances "was deceptive she lied and shes lying to herself."

She continues, "frankly the whole thing disgusts my daihgter is not always honest and ive alliwed her to visit with these assholes i support to the tune of houses horses and monthly annuities and cars, well the good news is now that frances is clearly deluded that she can buy her grandmaother a 'small house in la' id love to see how that works." She goes on to insult members of the Cobain family who have been named Frances' guardians saying, "well im going out with ms palmer and ms kirke and frances have fun on your covers of the tabs, thats what your wonder bread side likes, you couldve asked for emanicaption youc ouldve gone to simons rock, but you have to get involved with that terrifying not to me, to you witch who keeps britney spars in jail? thats insane. you realie this will put you in juvenoile fami;y circus three times in your little life? this is what along with his mother killed your father..." [Perez Hilton]

• Now that a judge has shut down Jon Gosselin's TV career, he's running out of money and the bills are stacking up. "Jon's in pretty serious financial trouble because his plan for making money was shut down in court," said a source. "He has warned his lawyers that he can't pay them and if he doesn't succeed against TLC, he will have no funds. He's even gone so far as to say that if they want to be paid, they will have to sue him." The insider adds that it's time for Jon to get a real job, but he's making no effort to do so. [Fox News]
• It's too bad that Lindsay Lohan wasn't in court today — a judge gave her high marks for complying with the terms of her DUI probation. [TMZ]
• According to a police report, Erin Muller says she's afraid her ex Michael Lohan "will do bad things to me and my family" because he called her on Sunday morning and "started harassing me, questioning me who I have 'been with, who's car was currently in my drive way,' things like that." He called her twice and she recorded both conversations. An embarrassing leak to the press would only be fair. [TMZ]
• A-Rod's friend says he broke up with Kate Hudson because of the way she behaved at Yankees games. "[Hudson] wanted more camera time each and every game," said the source. "She would always want to be styled before games and she'd insist on front-row seats... It was a turnoff to have a girlfriend who always wanted to be on camera. Alex wanted someone who was more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• Michael David Barrett plead guilty to stalking Erin Andrews today. Before he entered his plea Andrews told the court, "I have nightmares about the sexual predator. I hope he never sees the light of day so no one else has to deal with this." [TMZ]
• It was a busy day at Tiger Woods' house. Art was taken from the home in a moving van and workers showed up, possibly to repair damage in the vestibule that resulted from Tiger's Thanksgiving fight with his wife. [TMZ]
• Elin Nordegren took her two children with her to a lunch meeting at a restaurant. She told the paparazzi (who were screaming at her, no doubt) that her kids are "doing just fine." An eyewitness says, "She looks bone-thin... And her conversation with the other adults was very intense, especially in comparison to smiling little Sam and Charlie." [Ok]
• Nike chairman and co-founder Phil Knight says of Tiger Woods, "When his career is over, you'll look back on these indiscretions as a minor blip, but the media is making a big deal out of it right now." [Us]
• Sources say Tiger Woods' latest mistress Theresa Rogers "was crazy about Tiger but she didn't want to feel like a bought woman, a paid escort. She just wanted to be the woman who schooled Tiger in the bedroom... She bragged, 'I taught him everything he needed to know to be a great lover!'" [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods offered to buy his "porn star mistress" Joslyn James a house, according to her sister. "She told me once that Tiger Woods was going to buy her a house in Las Vegas and that she had seen him many times," said Samantha Siwik. "I believe that my sister took advantage of him because I know that she is that kind of person – she only thinks about herself. It would not have bothered her that he was married she would wanted to get all that she could from him." [Radar Online]
• Amy Winehouse's father Mitch Winehouse insists she has not reunited with Blake Fielder-Civil, even though she spent two days at his apartment last week. "Don't believe all that you read! I am not going to comment on Amy's trip to see Blake, except to say this guy who purports to love Amy, the next day, sold an exclusive to The Sun," said Mitch. "He has a funny way of showing his love. Nice earner though - 5k at least. It sits beside other betrayals; selling Amy's letters to the papers, videoing her when he said camera was off etc. So why [do the newspapers] give this liar, violent criminal and betrayer the time of day?" [Daily Express]
• Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher have reportedly decided to get married in May or June. "Isla and Sacha want a small wedding that will include only family and their closet friends - possibly fewer than 50 people," says a source. [Daily Express]
• Richard Perry says the rumors that he and Jane Fonda are engaged aren't true. "She thinks it's a bit too soon [to marry], and no doubt, she's right, although I said from the beginning we should make our relationship a priority," he said, adding, "Sometimes the thought pops into my head that Jane will organise a wedding as a wonderful surprise for me." [Daily Express]
• At the Nobel Peace Prize after party Toby Keith slanted his eyes while Will Smith rapped the word "yellow" in "Rapper's Delight." His rep says: "No one at the concert thought Toby was out of line. Everyone was impressed with his rapping skills and that's it ... all of the artists liked each other, hung out, and it was a very friendly, genuine, and supportive atmosphere." [TMZ]
• Barry Williams, who played Greg Brady on The Brady Bunch, obtained a restraining order against his ex-girlfriend Elizabeth Kennedy because he claims she once pulled a knife on him and, "I know that she will definitely try to harm me once she is aware that our relationship is now over." [TMZ]
• Randy and Evi Quaid failed to show up for yet another court date today so a judge issued $40,000 arrest warrants for both of them. [Radar Online]
• Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi of Jersey Shore says getting punched in the face wasn't all bad. "A positive came out of it," said Snooki. "It definitely brought [the cast] closer together. It definitely brought us together as a family. We have each other's backs and it was a positive." [People]
• Meredith Baxter, who recently came out, will be writing a memoir about "her life as an actress, mother of five children, and grandmother, and will candidly discuss her fight with breast cancer, her 19 years of sobriety, entrepreneurship, and her decision to come out." [N.Y.T.]
• The House unanimously passed a resolution recognizing the 50th anniversary of Miles Davis recording "Kind of Blue." [AP]
• Abba, Genesis, Jimmy Cliff, The Hollies, and The Stooges will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame next year. Kiss was nominated for the first time but wasn't selected this year. [N.Y.T.]
• American Idol winner Kris Allen says of Adam Lambert's recent racy performance, "Yeah, that's who he is... Obviously, he couldn't do that stuff on Idol. And so you're getting to see the real Adam now." [People]
• Brian Setzer was hospitalized last night after he collapsed during a concert in New Mexico. His rep says he was suffering from "a combination of dehydration, high altitude, and vertigo," but he's completely recovered and will perform tonight. [TMZ]
• Robin Thicke, whose latest album is titled Sex Therapy, says his wife Paula Patton is "my sex therapist." [Us]
• After hearing that he's up for Best Dramatic Actor at the Golden Globes this year Colin Firth said, "The Hollywood Foreign Press have just given me time out from my 20 year midlife crisis - my heartfelt thanks to them." [The Mirror]
• Sandra Bullock says of receiving two Golden Globe nominations, "I am beyond stunned. Just to be included in the company of these amazing women I have so admired through the years has left me slack-jawed with awe." [People]
• "Not that I have a husband to have one with yet, but someday I'd like a family – not a big one, but not a small one either," says Carrie Underwood. "Two kids is good; three is fine. Four? Somebody's getting something done, because we ain't having five!" [People]
• Q: In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job? Kristen Johnston: "Try to stay sane." [New York]
• Q: What do you do when you come to New York? Wilford Brimley: "Well, we eat good food in good restaurants. You've got the best food in the world here. And I visit friends that mean a whole lot to me. You know, we live on a ranch in a small Wyoming town. We don't live on Mars." [New York]
• Alanis Morissette used to be depressed, but she told Runner's World, "running has made being depressed impossible. If I'm going through something emotional and just go outside for a run, you can rest assured I'll come back with clarity." Also helpful: "Red wine, and it's fun to have medical marijuana once in a while." [People]
• Teresa Giudice of RHONJ Tweeted about RHONY star Bethenny Frankel's nude PETA ad, "To quote Bethenny: 'I just threw up a little in my mouth." She continued, "Help me understand this. Bethenny is happy with her naked pic because she was 'already pregnant' at the time. She says she's now three months along, but she did the shot in August. Even if she's four months pregnant now, she would've been, like, one hour pregnant in the pic... Someone tell Bethenny that sperm does not make you look fat, and I'm not buying the airbrushing thing in any case." [Us]

I feel a little dirty about it, but I kind of couldn't take my eyes off of Jacob Bernstein's Daily Beast profile of Uchitel. Partly this is because she had a pretty interesting life, punctuated by tragedy. Her dad died of coke addiction, and her fiance died on 9/11. Then she fought his parents over his money, saying, "Money doesn't necessarily compensate, but in this society that's what we use to compensate. What else is there unless they're going to give me some knight in shining armor?" Then she married another guy, divorced after four months, and over time became "a concierge, a consiglière who made sure VIPs were being taken care of over the course of the night." Bernstein's description of Uchitel at this point in her life reads like an especially sleazy detective novel:

By the time [club owner Jason Strauss] became involved with Uchitel (and gave her a job, first at his club Tao in Vegas, then in New York at Marquee), the club wasn't truly exclusive, though it was certainly expensive.

The same description could be used to describe Uchitel. As far as her looks went, Uchitel was no runway model, but she was sexy in the slightly overprocessed way that her job demanded, with a taste for Christian Louboutin heels and a body that was, at least of late, widely believed to be surgically enhanced. When Uchitel's relationship with Strauss busted up, she dusted herself off and moved on to other late-night locales, where she earned a reputation for being savvy and hardworking, albeit with sharp elbows and a bit too much drama.

She was the kind of dame you could have, for a price. But as the golfer later learned, that price was far too high. Cue saxophones. Seriously, though, Rachel Uchitel's story actually gets even more noirish than this. Bernstein cites our brother site Deadspin's claim that Uchitel was not just a mistress, but in fact a procurer of women for Woods. A.J. Daulerio (of cheetah fame) wrote that "Uchitel's main job was to provide women for Tiger during his globetrotting excursions to various tournaments, charity functions and fuck-and-run private-jet weekends with his Fortune 500 party pals that he seemed to enjoy so much." He also quotes an anonymous source who says, "Rachel Uchitel works for Tiger the minute he gets off the plane wherever he is: from dinner, to photos, to nightclubs, to drugs, to girls - whatever he wants," and "her agenda is to land big clients - not big boyfriends."

Bernstein, however, goes on to dispute this account. He writes,

[S]ubsequent reporting from both the National Enquirer (which initially broke the story of Woods' affair with Uchitel) and The Daily Beast indicate she was more mistress than madam. "I don't think she was doing anything illegal," says the nightclub source. Adds the publicist with ties to the nightlife world: "She's not a person I'd want to hang out with, but she's not low end or really sleazy. I think she's basically a girl looking for a rich husband." Says a third source: "If she introduced him to women, I doubt it went much further than that [i.e. bringing them over to his table to make an introduction]."

So is Rachel Uchitel just "a girl looking for a rich husband," a knight in AmEx armor? Or is she in fact a businesswoman whose job it is to provide powerful men with willing women (a practice that, it's worth noting, is not illegal if the women aren't explicitly paid)? The answer matters for a couple of reasons. First, if Uchitel is, as Daulerio claims, one of many procurers of her ilk, then an especially sordid side of sports culture could be exposed. Daulerio writes,

Athletes have utilized the VIP service to engage in their affairs (and meet possible mistresses) for the sake of (supposed) privacy, philandering without the hassle of having to do any work themselves to land these women. It's a dirty business all around. But what to do now, since Tiger has gone and messed it up for a bunch of people who were pretty safe from prying eyes and camera lenses whenever they stepped out on their wives and girlfriends during Vegas weekends?

It's no surprise that pro athletes and other powerful men have lots of secret sex. And really, it's also not a shock that there could be an entire cottage industry devoted to ferrying women back and forth from the table at a club to an athlete's hotel room, all while making sure everyone involved stays discreet. But if that discretion breaks down — as it has for many of Woods's mistresses but not yet for Uchitel — then sex for powerful men might become a little more like sex for normal people. They might have to actually work to hide it.

The nature of Uchitel's relationship with Woods also has implications for how we view her. Woods's other mistresses haven't come off particularly well in the wake of the whole car-crash-golf-club episode. They've generally been portrayed as interchangeable dumbasses — Daulerio's word is "bubbleheads" — who thought Tiger would love them forever and who are now clinging to his reflected fame (to be fair, the reflected-fame part may be true). If Uchitel's main role was to sleep with Woods, she'll be tarred with this brush. But if, in fact, she was orchestrating a highly organized system to satisfy Woods's appetites and keep those appetites a secret, and if she holds behind her still-zipped lips not only his secrets but the secrets of other men who have used this system, then she's a lot more threatening. And the whole media narrative of the Woods affair — one of stupid women gulled by an unscrupulous man — takes an interesting new turn. Cue saxophones.

The Real Rachel Uchitel [Daily Beast]
Chaos In Tigerland: A Deadspin Investigation Into The Sexual Habits Of Pro Athletes [Deadspin]

• Here's the thing about Courtney Love losing custody of her daughter: Frances Bean Cobain wants to live with her grandmother.

Courtney Love's lawyer says that's what Courtney losing legal control of her daughter is all about. He says: "Courtney's been clean for years and is perfectly fine. This is simply about Frances preferring to live with her grandmother at this time. Frances is 17 and a strong-willed child, and this is a decision she made on her own." Wendy O'Connor, Courtney's Kurt's mother and Frances's grandmother, lives in Olympia, Washington, and last year, Frances told Bazaar: "She's probably the person I respect most out of anybody in the world." Do you remember when Courtney went on a Twitter rant in September? Frances Bean tweeted: "Someone adopt me please?" [People]

• Courtney Love's lawyer: "All I can tell you as Courtney's friend is that she loves her daughter more then anything in the world. Courtney will no doubt do what is best for Frances and will surely take her teenage daughter's desire and feelings into consideration with respect to the legal guardian issue." [Radar Online]
• Nicole Kidman's daughter Sunday Rose knows baby sign language. "She's picked it right up, Nicole says. As for her 17-year-old daughter, Bella: "She's incredibly talented… She expresses herself through drawing." [Showbiz 411]
• Yesterday's rant must have gotten him in a heap of trouble: Chris Brown has deleted his Twitter account. [Perez]
• Michael Lohan was arrested this weekend, after calling his ex-girlfriend — who has a restraining order against him. Whoops. [TMZ, Newser]
• Bethenny Frankel stripped naked for giant PETA billboard. "It's so tasteful and beautifully done," she claims. "I am especially pleased because it doesn't look like there's been any airbrushing, and I was already pregnant when I shot it." No airbrushing? Pardon us while we LOL. [Page Six]
• BREAKING: After giving birth yesterday, Kourtney Kardashian wanted a tuna sandwich. [TMZ]
• Elton John and David Furnish still want to adopt a kid, even though their attempt to adopt a 17-month old Ukrainian child who lives in an orphanage was denied. Furnish says: "We were upset not to be allowed to adopt but we'll fight and work with the Ukrainian government to change the law so that HIV positive children can be adopted. We'll be like uncles. They can visit us on holidays." [The Sun]
• So… Toby Keith was at the Nobel Peace Prize party, and Will Smith performed "Rapper's Delight." When the word "yellow" was uttered in the line "to the black, to the white, the red, and the brown, the purple and yellow," Keith pulled his eye into a slant. Asian people love that, right? [TMZ]
• A-Rod says: "I'm definitely single." Guess he won't be on Kate Hudson's arm at any Nine premieres. Still, a source says: "They've definitely broken up. There's been some drama before about his roving eye. But this isn't the first time they've split up and got back together." [Page Six]
• A-Rod was seen in Miami over the weekend in the company of a leggy blonde. A "snitch" says: "Alex has a wandering eye, and Kate is a hopeless romantic. It's not exactly the perfect match." [Gatecrasher]
• Wait, what? Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren is having a "secret meeting" with Victoria Beckham? Apparently friends have urged Elin to talk to Posh, whose own marriage was threatened by claims David Beckham had an affair with his assistant, Rebecca Loos. [The Sun]
• Several women involved with Tiger Woods claim that he wired money to them — from $5000-$10,000 — on a monthly basis. "The money comes via a wire transfer," said one woman. "There's no contract about it, there's no discussion about what it's for, but it's implied that it's in exchange for keeping quiet about his affair." And! Apparently Elin has taken his cell phone away. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jaimee Grubbs, who had a relationship with Tiger Woods, has been calling and texting an ex-boyfriend, boasting about her notoriety. A sample: "Hey u... It's been rough... I'm very well known now and everything I do is being blasted across the Internet… I'm on every news channel and in every magazine as Tiger Woods mistress." [Radar Online]
• Items like this one, about how Tiger Woods got out of sticky situations in the past, make you wonder about all the kinds of things celebrities get away with. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Garner's stalker was arrested Monday, and sorry to be judgy, but he's totally got a super creepy mug shot. [Radar Online]
• Alabaster-skinned Kelly Osbourne is the face of St. Tropez self-tanning lotions? Ah: Fake-baking is just one of the many things she learned on Dancing With The Stars! [Page Six]
• Chace Crawford was seen drinking red wine alone and texting. Stars! Just like us. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé hearts interactive theater. [Page Six]
• Jimmy Fallon's Michael Jackson impression is allegedly impressive. [Page Six]
• Ron Howard and daughter Bryce Dallas Howard would like to make a movie together; Bryce blames her dad for not making it happen: "He knows for a fact that I pester him every single day to put me in a movie. I really want to work with him!" [Gatecrasher]
• Daniel Day Lewis thinks Jeff Bridges should win the Oscar for Crazy Heart. "Everyone loves him. And he's so good." [Showbiz 411]
• Mel Gibson "rarely" has time for his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, or their six-week-old daughter, Lucia. According to a source. "Mel can go days without even stopping by Oksana's home and checking in on Lucia - much less feeding her, putting her down for a nap or changing a diaper," spills a source. "Mel tells Oksana he isn't raising Lucia any differently than he did his other passel of kids, and that (his estranged wife, Robyn Gibson) really did the raising." [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• "A movie company that hired Samuel L. Jackson to star in a big-budget film is pissed off they weer forced to settle for Laurence Fishburne instead, this according to a new lawsuit." [TMZ]
• Roman Polanski's The Ghost, starring Pierce Brosnan and Ewan McGregor, will be released in the U.S. as The Ghost Writer in early 2010. [NY Daily News]
• Coming to a silver screen near you: In The Heights — based on the Broadway musical — directed by Kenny Ortega. Meanwhile, Corbin Bleu will do the show on Broadway. [Page Six]
• Alan Arkin's character in The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee: Loosely based on Arthur Miller. [Page Six]
• In a world of losers, SpongeBob SquarePants is a winner. [NY Daily News]
• The New York Film Critics Circle chose The Hurt Locker as best picture. Will director Kathryn Bigelow get an Oscar nod? [NY Post]
• A cheat sheet for the movies which will "most likely" be Oscar nominees at the link. [NY Post]
• BREAKING: Whatshisname doesn't like boobs. [The Sun]
• "Dear Santa, I want a boy for Christmas... wanna hook a sista up?! Oh, and not just any boy… one that holds the door open for you, and writes hand written letters, and spends time with the (parents).. ya hurrd?" — Teen star Demi Lovato, via Twitter. [MSNBC]
• "I thought a divorce was the best thing for both of them at the time, as they were a destructive influence on each other. But I was sad Blake had lost the love of his life. I speak to Amy on the phone. She said to me recently: 'You have an amazing son who is gorgeous and beautiful and sensitive. But other people don't see it.' I'm convinced Blake and Amy will remarry early next year. I don't know when, where or how it will happen. I'd like to be at the wedding this time round but I wouldn't be surprised if they went away and got hitched without anyone knowing about it. Whatever they do, I think it's going to be a happy ending this time." — Georgette Civil, mother of Blake Fielder-Civil, who says the drama between her son and Amy Winehouse almost drove her to suicide: "All this has taken a big toll on my own life… I reached my lowest ebb over the summer and even thought about ending it all." [Daily Express]
• "When I met Carey, I was an abused puppy in the corner, ready to bite anyone who put their hand out." — Pink says she has softened since meeting her husband. She also claims: "I've always said I like Britney. I swear to God, I've stuck up for Britney since the beginning." [Gatecrasher via Women's Health]

• During a recent interview, BBC reporter Andrew Marr asked Nicole Kidman about "one of the things you haven't talked about before... Scientology - a lot of people would say it is a bullying cult." Nicole stammered, then said:

• "This is just so not... I'm here to publicize Nine. If I was here to do an exposé on myself then I'd be like, ‘Let's go', but I have no interest in discussing any of that." Marr pressed: "You don't want to talk about Scientology?" and Nicole said, "No, I'll talk about Nine." Video here: [Times of London]
• Have Kate Hudson and A-Rod split? Sources say he was partying with other women in Miami this weekend while Kate Hudson was promoting Nine in New York. One eyewitness who saw him with two women said, "He was acting VERY single, and Kate Hudson was definitely not there." Another source added, "They are totally over." [Hollywood Life]
• Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to her son Mason Dash Disick this morning. As you'll recall, "Dash" is also the name of the Kardashian's boutique. [E!]
• Courtney Love lost custody of her 17-year-old daughter Frances Bean Cobain on Friday after a long period of unstable behavior. Kurt Cobain's mother and sister were named Frances Bean's legal guardians. [TMZ]
• Police documents show that Florida's Department of Children and Families is investigating whether there was a "domestic in front of children" involving a weapon at Tiger Woods' house on Thanksgiving, but a spokeswoman for the agency said, "I'm just not able, by law, to give confirmation about whether we visited the children." [Radar Online]
• In her first post-scandal public appearance, Elin Nordegren pumped gas on her way to a Christmas party... and she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods' private jet flew from Boston to Sweden on Sunday, but only the pilot and two flight attendants were on board. Sources say Elin Nordegren is moving to Sweden, but it's unclear why the jet went without her. [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods' high school girlfriend Dina Gravell-Parr revealed that he broke up with her by letter. She said of Elin Nordegren, "That could of been me... Thank God it's not!" [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods skipped his best friend Bryon Bell's recent wedding, but he was still listed in the program as the best man. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods' mistress Jamie Jungers says, "With all the things that have happened, it's probably in my best interest to move up here [to New York]," whatever that means. [N.Y. Magainze]
• Tiger Woods' 14th reported mistress, Theresa Rogers, has hired attorney Gloria Allred, who is also representing Rachel Uchitel. Rogers is in her 40s, making her the oldest of Tiger's reported dalliances. She also claims she slept with him both before and after he married Elin Nordegren. [Radar Online]
• Looks like Rachel Uchitel won't be suing Joy Behar for calling her a hooker. Gloria Allred released this statement: "We accept ABC's apology and this resolves the matter with ABC. Our action and this apology should also send a message to the public that Rachel values her reputation and that she will consider all of her legal options against anyone or any entity which defames her." [TMZ]
• Sources say Rachel Uchitel has been getting death threats from people who got her cell phone number from a 2001 photo posted on the internet. [TMZ]
• Over the weekend Chris Brown posted a profanity-laced rant on Twitter because he couldn't find his album Graffiti at the Walmart in Wallingford, Connecticut. A Walmart spokesman responded: "We are surprised at the comments online. All Walmart stores nationwide have carried the CD since its release, including the Wallingford store mentioned in the post. This store actually sold through its initial shipment over the weekend. The majority of our stores today are showing they do have copies available." [People]
• You won't miss a minute of Joel Madden's mouth surgery thanks to Twitter. He's been updating everyone on his recovery all weekend. [Radar Online]
• Hailey Glassman has reunited with her mother after an estrangement sparked by her relationship with Jon Gosselin. Hailey wrote on Twitter: "I got the best present for Hanukkah, which was my family n I reunited after all the outside manipulations and lies by 'others' ... This is the 1st yr. I don't care about a gift. My family is my gift n I am so grateful. I'm with my Mom right now,we are doing face masks! :-)." [Radar Online]
• Although some sources are claiming Orlando Bloom proposed to Miranda Kerr, Bloom's rep says, "There is no truth to any rumors of engagement." [People]
• Jude Law was sitting next to Robert Downey Jr. at a Sherlock Holmes press junket when reporters asked about his relationship with Sienna Miller. Jude replied: "The only person I'm in love with at the moment is sitting on my left." [The Mirror]
• David Beckham's London football academy is closing, but the school will live on. A spokesman said: "The David Beckham Academy itself is not ending, this site is coming to the end of its lease but we are planning a more flexible model which will reach communities and schools across the country and internationally." [The Independent]
• Fans have been sending messages of support to the Duggars because their 19th child Josie Brooklyn was born three months early on December 10 and is in the NICU for extended care. [People]
• Hugh Grant said he was drunk when he told an assistant to bid £2 million on an Andy Warhol painting of Elizabeth Taylor, but it worked out for the best: he sold it later for £13 million. [The Guardian]
• Grizzwald "Grizz" Chapman, who plays part of Tracy Jordan's entourage on 30 Rock, is on dialysis three times a week for severe hypertension. He's on a five-year waiting list for a kidney transplant, but he has to lose 75 pounds before he can hae the operation. [E!]
• Taylor Swift had a Christmas-themed 20th birthday party and donated $250,000 to schools around the country as a gift to herself. "Something I wanted to do at the end of this amazing year and especially on my birthday was give back to something I really believe in, which is education," said Swift. "The schools that I went to and the amazing people I got to learn from really turned me into who I am, and I wanted to give back." [People]
• Snoop Dogg shot another guest appearance on One Life To Live. "As I said when I was here last time, I've been a fan of One Life to Live since I was a baby because my momma always had it on," said Snoop Dogg. "It's cool to come back and hang with Bo Buchanan and the people in Llanview and ‘rock out with them." [WSJ]
• Cate Blanchett was an hour and a half late to a performance of A Streetcar Named Desire in Brooklyn because it was rainy and icy and she was traveling from out of town. After the curtain calls she said, "Thank you all for hanging around. The weather conspired against us. There's black ice out there. Be careful getting home." [NYT]
• Coldplay is selling instruments they've used and other memorabilia on eBay in an "End of Decade Clearout Sale" to benefit the charity Kids Company. [UPI]
• Jersey Shore's Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. "Snooki", says: "We are better than The Hills... It is all real." (Insert your own tanning joke here.) [Us]
• UNICO, the largest Italian-American group in the country, is pushing Pap John's Pizza, Nivea, LG Electronics and Burger King to pull their advertisements from Jersey Shore because it's a "discriminatory, insulting and Italian-bashing program." [TMZ]
• Maxwell is back after an eight-year hiatus. "Sometimes I just get sick of myself," he said. "That's kind of what happened in 2001. I didn't want to see another photo; I didn't want to hear me. I just sort of needed a coffee bean in the perfume shop of who I was, you know what I mean?" [CNN]
• In Esquire's "What I've Learned" column Sting says: "You don't have to be the greatest singer in the world. What you need to be is unique. Whenever you open your mouth, people should know: 'Oh, that's Van Morrison.' Or 'That's Bob Dylan.' Or 'That's Bono.' You want to get to that point where you have a unique vocal fingerprint. Then it's about refining that sound and making it more and more you." [Esquire]
• Zoe Saldana, who stars in James Cameron's Avatar, says, "He's been impacted by interesting women all his life, because you can tell he's in tune with his feminine side. I've learned this about men who write good roles for women - there's a very beautiful sentimentality to them. Their exteriors are sugarcoated with this manly presence, but deep on the inside, there's also this [fragility]." [WSJ]
• Former model Sienna Miller says of V magazine doing a plus-size issue, "I suppose that's something you'd have to say - I couldn't sit here and say, 'No, I'm not [into it] ... but I sincerely believe that that's more beautiful than someone who is poker-thin. I really do. I would love to have boobs to go with my hips, but I don't - that's just not the way the cookie crumbled." [New York Magazine]

• Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga's M.A.C. Viva Glam ad is out. Gaga looks...surprisingly normal. [FWD]

• Helena Christensen protested in Copenhagen this weekend. In quieter times, she reads the dictionary to expand her English vocabulary. And she's one of those people about text messages: "I get obsessed with spelling. I make every text message I send correct in punctuation," explains the Danish supermodel. "I am super-fastidious about certain things." [Daily Express]
• Phil Knight is standing by Tiger Woods. The scandal-plagued golfer's endorsement deal with Nike is worth a reported $30 million annually; Knight admitted doing a background check on Woods before signing him. "He came out clean," the company founder said. [Reuters]
• It has been confirmed that André Leon Talley is a new judge for the whole next cycle of America's Next Top Model. Kimora Lee Simmons is only a guest judge. It's puzzling that Vogue would want to touch anything in Tyra Banks' smizing empire with a bargepole, but it'll be great to see André's judicial robes on nighttime television. (Also: I would leave New Zealand only for Tyra et al. to set off there. They are shooting the CoverGirl challenge today in Half Moon Bay, apparently.) [TVNZ]
• Christian Lacroix has designed new uniforms for 20,000 French railway employees. They are grey and purple. Few more of these gigs and he'll have his couture business back in no time. [WWD]
• "I've struggled with it! I've struggled with that. I've struggled with that," says Tom Ford, on the luxury culture of insatiable accretion, and charging $75 for socks."Just because one is spiritual doesn't mean one doesn't like crocodile, cashmere. We live in a material world." [TDB]
• To produce its fashion show, Victoria's Secret allegedly filled half a city block with noisy generators that ran 24 hours a day for over a week. This disturbed the sleep of nearby residents, including those at a home for people with HIV. Michael Musto's anonymous source claims that the company, which coincidentally finally broadcast its show on World AIDS Day, had to offer the residents a cash settlement. [Village Voice]
• Serena Williams returns to the Home Shopping Network to sell her line of clothing today. Last time the tennis star did the HSN rounds, her goods sold out in under three hours. How? "Everything in the collection is under $100," Williams explains. "And everything you get from me [is] great quality. I think for those prices and [this] quality, it is a no-brainer." Do you hear that? A no-brainer. It's not buying her clothes that really defies explanation. [People]
• The family that owns Salvatore Ferragamo bought a decrepit estate with a vineyard in Tuscany in 1993. The restoration process now complete, Ferragamo is now introducing four wines into the U.S. market, ranging in price from $15-$80 per bottle. They do not carry the family name trademark, because that would be so vulgar. [BW]
• Project Runway alumnus Rami Kashou has been dressing Queen Rania of Jordan. His spring collection is partly inspired by Frank Gehry. [LATimes]
• Knitwear designer Carmen Colle's lawsuit against Chanel has been thrown out by a Paris court. Colle's company, World Tricot, which designs new knitting and crochet patterns for various designer clients to incorporate into their runway looks, sued Chanel in 2004 when she spied a Chanel coat made from what she alleged was a World Tricot crochet pattern that Chanel had rejected, and never paid for. But it wasn't all bad news for Colle. World Tricot also sued for breach of contract, after Chanel abruptly stopped patronizing the house. Chanel countersued for besmirching its good name by bringing the suit at all. The court found World Tricot was owed €400,000 for the breach of contract, and it also found that Chanel was owed €200,000 for "commercial prejudice." World Tricot may appeal the forgery ruling. [WSJ]
• Jason Wu was asked if he was for or against brunch. "Pro, but only if it's after 1:30," the designer responded. Who the hell is against brunch? [TFI]
• Christopher Kane clarifies his earlier statements about not liking fashion blogs because designers have little to no control over what they publish. Now he says blogs can be fine, so long as they're not "critical" or "negative": "You're allowed to say what you want but sometimes the blogs that you read are really negative and that's what I meant to say really. Sometimes it's too negative for my liking and I think maybe they could give someone a compliment or say something nice. But bloggers nowadays seem to be a bit negative...but when it gets to someone's work and they're being critical, it's like ‘Give them a break'." [Grazia]
• Unilever has suspended its relationship with a palm oil supplier after Greenpeace alleged that the supplier was not harvesting its oil sustainably. Palm oil is a key ingredient in many cosmetics, but deforestation and environmental destruction can result when farmers slash and burn forests to plant palms. [WWD]

Matt Lauer says stay-at-home mom Cori Rist decided to appear on Today "to set the record straight," and Rist echoes this sentiment when she says, "I felt like I needed to defend myself." She does emphasize that Tiger Woods never paid her for sex, that she's not "a hooker or a prostitute," and that members of his entourage knew about their affair, but she doesn't really add all that much to "the record." Rist says she needs to "set an example" for her seven-year-old son, and perhaps her appearance is an effort to, as she says, "take responsibility for the things I've done." But while she publicly apologizes to Elin Nordegren, the apology is unlikely to be all that comforting, and there doesn't seem to be much need for Rist to "take responsibility" on television. In fact, at this point it's hard not to suspect some of Woods's mistresses of self-promotion.

As Givhan pointed out yesterday, the act of speaking publicly as a former Woods mistress does have costs. The media and viewers alike disparage them, viewing them not only as morally loose but as "interchangeable commodities." Givhan writes,

Whatever might have occurred between Woods and all these women might never be fully known, and frankly, that's the way it should be. But for all the careful parsing of Woods's character, the attempts to reconcile his public persona with what might have been going on in the shadows, the women are being lumped into broad categories. They are being stereotyped as usual suspects for this sort of behavior.

It's a fair point, especially when people are joking of Tiger that, "If all his mistresses look the same, why didn't he just choose one?" Just because they looks similar doesn't make them the same, and even if Woods pursued them because they fit a certain physical type, that doesn't mean blondness is all they have to offer anyone. It's also true that their occupations — some are cocktail waitresses or former models — don't say anything about their intelligence or morals (a mistake we've been accused of making). But their jobs do make them a lot less famous than Tiger — meaning that, in some ways, they have less to lose.

Rist and other women in her position face some public censure and mockery. Even Givhan's not immune, saying of Woods's porn-star entanglements, "It seems fair to say that if you have chosen porn as your life's work, you are content with being judged as slimy, stereotyped as skeevy and maligned as sleazy." But unlike Woods, they don't have lucrative endorsement deals with Accenture to lose. And they may have something to gain — especially since famous other-woman Ashley Dupre now has a newspaper column. Rist says that unlike Woods's other mistresses, "I wasn't looking to get anything out of the relationship," and that may be true — when she broke down on Today, it felt genuine. But the Today show and other media outlets are certainly looking to get ratings out of Tiger Woods's relationships, and women who until now lived in relative obscurity may find the exposure tempting.

The Tiger Woods Scandal Is A Tale Of Sex — And Sexism [Washington Post]
Big Risk In A One-Man Brand Like Tiger Woods [NYT]

• Lindsay Lohan has returned from India!

While there, she visited the Sanlaap women's and children's shelter outside Calcutta. She spent about 3 hours with people there, and watched dance performances by the children. With her was a four-person camera crew from the BBC, and, at one point, Lindsay wore a bindi. Of course. [People]

• If you have $300, you can buy a "Marc Jacob" bag from LohanHouse.com, where Lindsay and her family are selling gently used clothes, shoes, hats, bags, and "collectables." [Page Six, Lohan House]
• Chris Brown is pissed that stores are not carrying his new CD, Graffiti. He wrote on his Twitter: "im tired of this shit. major stores r blackballing my cd. not stockin the shelves and lying to costumers. what the fuck do i gotta do... WTF... yeah i said it and i aint retracting shit. im not biting my tongue about shit else... the industry can kiss my ass." He said of a Walmart in Connecticut: "They didn't even have my album in the back… not on shelves, saw for myself. the manager told me that when there are new releases its mandatory to put em on the shelves.. BUT NO SIGN OF GRAFFITI." [MSNBC Scoop, Twitter, Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• Lily Allen may have smoked a cigarette during a concert last week; and if the Liverpool City Council can prove she was smoking, she and the venue could be fined. The council is asking "witnesse" to rat Lily out. [BBC News]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: "In love" and moving in together in the new year. As you may recall, their romance began on the set of Alfie; then Jude cheated on her with his children's nanny. Forgive but not forget? [The Sun]
• Playgirl has turned down alleged nude photos of Tiger Woods — apparently taken by Tiger himself. The magazine's spokesperson Daniel Nardicio says: "They were impossible to 100 percent verify, hence the unwillingness to go there." [People]
• Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, is not in Sweden, despite some reports. She is in the guest house, which, while large, is not another country. [TMZ]
• Consulting firm Accenture is the first corporate sponsor to officially drop Tiger Woods. [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods' wife will reportedly dump him after Christmas and is talking to a divorce lawyer. As for Tiger, he is seeing a therapist. Allegedly. [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Elin Nordegren wants a trial separation. but that Tiger Woods wants to take a cruise on his yacht with her and convince her to stay with him and have another baby. (?1?!) [NY Post]
• Here, Cori Rist, who hooked up with Tiger Woods, is called a "spectacular escort." [Rush & Molloy]
• According to this report: Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel are both in Palm Beach, Florida. But he's on his yacht; she's with her family. [TMZ]
• "Tiger Woods Cheated As Dad Died. Star Bedded Jamie Jungers As Father Lay Dying In Hospital." [Radar Online]
• Gerald Posner reports that Tiger Woods had a "separate team handle his trysts," and that Rachel Uchitel could be getting $5 million to stay quiet. [The Daily Beast]
• A source says Uma Thurman's ex-fiancé was too controlling: "It seemed like he always wanted to run the show… He wanted to bring in his own chef and his own security. He'd talk about redesigning her house in the city and knocking down buildings at her place upstate." [Rush & Molloy]
• Russell Brand was seen spotted shopping for diamonds at Cartier, fueling speculation he's going to ask Katy Perry to marry him. [Daily Mail]
• Is Prince William a "shadow King"? [NY Daily News]
• Jay-Z is well-loved by his Rocawear employees, whose Christmas gift to him was a video spoof of his hit single, "Empire State of Mind." [Page Six]
• Behold: Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper in the 2010 MAC Viva Glam ad campaign, shot by Ellen von Unwerth. [The Life Files]
• Susan Boyle says he life hasn't changed that much: "I have everything I had before – it's just a little more interesting now." She hasn't really splurged on too much: She bought "a red couch and some cushions." And, she says: "To anyone who has a dream I say follow that dream. You are never too old. It is never too late. And dreams can become a reality." [People]
• What do we think of Carey Hart's Day-of-the-Dead-style tattoo of Pink? [The Life Files]
• Guy Ritchie is thinking of opening a branch of his London pub, the Punch Bowl, in New York. [Daily Express]
• Sad face: Grizz from 30 Rock is suffering from severe hypertension and has to be on a dialysis machine three times a week. He's on the waiting list for a kidney transplant, but need to lose 75 pounds before he's considered a viable candidate. And the wait is 5 years. He talks about all this on Dr. Oz's show on Tuesday. [NY Daily News]
• The Los Angeles Film Critics Association and the Boston Society of Film Critics agree: Mo'Nique's performance in Precious and Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker were some of the best moments in film this year. [People]
• Lots of Kerry Washington's favorite places in New York are food-related. [NY Post]
• Candy Spelling, a panelist on E!'s new series, Bank of Hollywood — produced by Ryan Seacrest — says: "I don't have to work. I'm not putting up my own money! We all contributed our salaries, but I wasn't going to pay [the contestants] to be on TV… I love giving of my time and money — I'm very charitable and sit on three nonprofit boards and two city boards as commissioner — but… then I would just be donating money and leaving it up to the contestants as to how it's spent. We all felt a strong responsibility about how they would spend the money." Yeah, I don't know either, but it sounds snotty. [NY Post]
• Sarah Ferguson, ex-Duchess Of York, says she's going to start a historical novel, starring an aristocratic redhead and set in the eighteenth century, "sort of like Pride and Prejudice meets 24. It's actually me putting myself in the eighteenth century… I can just imagine how it would be, and I have such fun!" [New York Magazine]
• Groan: Spencer Pratt now owns a music company, King Spencer Music. Be afraid. [TMZ]
• Entourage's Kevin Connolly says he thinks Rex Lee didn't really mean it when he said he was made fun of on the set because of his ethnicity and sexuality. Pardon? [TMZ]
• At the link, an obituary for Natasha Richardson by Ralph Fiennes. [Guardian]
• Add Kid Rock and Dave Grohl to the list of musicians suing bars for playing unlicensed music. [TMZ]
• LOL: 21-year-old Ekaterina Ivanova is calling ex-boyfriend, 65-year-old Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, an "evil goblin." [Telegraph]
• CSI Miami's Jonathan Togo was arrested Friday for allegedly getting violent in a fight with his girlfriend; he was booked for felony domestic violence. [TMZ]
• A year after being rejected on TV, Bachelor contestant Melissa Rycroft got married. But not to a guy from TV. [Us Magazine]
• "Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood Celebrate Anniversary at McDonald's." [People]
• The Princess And The Frog was number one at the box office with a modest $25 million. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Bentley Meeker is a celebrity lighting guru and you are not. [Page Six]
• "I don't want to talk about him, except that I like him… I think everyone needs an adventure buddy." — Holly Madison on Benji Madden. [People]
• "Whenever anybody say they are going to give me some kind of award, I'm always a little stupefied by the notion. The first thing I say is 'why?' I just go to work like anyone else, except my job happens to be a little stranger." — Johnny Depp, when receiving a career achievement award at the Bahamas International Film Festival. [AP]
• "It makes certain cities impossible to live in. Like Sydney, it makes it impossible for us to live there… We certainly don't get that treatment in Tennessee. But it goes with the territory. It's just, we have to be careful, just to maintain some sort of semblance of a normal life for our child." — Nicole Kidman says attention from photographers is the reason she won't live in Sydney. [News.com.au]
• "I don't have a personal vendetta against Nicole Kidman… These are Machiavellian games that are being played and they are just not right. If she doesn't want to be photographed she should change her profession and become a butcher." — Paparazzo Jamie Fawcett, whom Nicole Kidman has requested a restraining order against and also took to court for placing a listening bug outside her home and following her in his car. [News.com.au]
• "Breaking up the band was a mistake because I think it broke trust with the audience. You had an audience that was very invested in that idea - whether they were invested in the people or the idea or the songs, I don't know. Like a relationship that you break off from and then try to pick back up, it's never quite the same. It doesn't mean it can't be as good, but it has to be different. That beautiful original feeling got lost in the interim of being away. If we had said, 'We just went away for seven years,' it would have been similar, but somehow breaking up, there's a violence to it." — Billy Corgan, on the Smashing Pumpkins. [WENN via Spinner]
• "If I didn't act, I'd be a nutcase. Some people have to do it. They have a lot of emotion they have to get out." — Rachel Weisz, who's in The Lovely Bones. [News.com.au]
• "My body is falling apart. The only way that I could do it is if I played a character who gets shot in the left leg and the right shoulder in the opening scene." — Kenny Rogers says he is too "decrepit" to be in Christmas In Canaan, the movie based on the book he wrote. [Daily Express]
• "Sometimes when I watch the show back I think we've gone too far because I see the pre-story beforehand, I can then see the audition from their perspective and there are times where I think I could have handled that better or I was in a bad mood and I was too rude. At the same time... no-one is sort of dragged kicking and screaming onto the audition set." — Simon Cowell. [BBC News]
• "A journalist went up to my  husband once and said 'did you know that dating anyone more than three years younger than you is considered pedophilia?' [Peter shot back] 'Really? My wife is seven years younger.'" — Maggie Gyllenhaal. [Gatecrasher]
• "Angry African-American women, you know, thought that it would be the image that people would associate with them. Virginiaca is definitely art imitating life, but I understand where they're coming from, and I don't have to project that onto mainstream America. What's funny is funny. This place is well known for getting angry letters — Lorne keeps 50 of them outside his office. It keeps you grounded in the fact that in late-night comedy, you're going to have to burn somebody." — Kenan Thompson. [New York Magazine]
• "I say 'Be Italian' many times in the song, but it was important to me that every time I say it, it have a different meaning, because there are so many different things about being Italian. There's love of life and food and sex and drink. There's love of dancing, love of singing. So it was putting all that into it." — Fergie, on her song in Nine. [NY Post]
• "The negative stuff is crazy and the positive stuff is crazy… I actually see all the discussion and controversy and, you know, 'Is it Smurfs and Dances With Wolves in space?' and all this crap, as good. It fuels interest. All those people that go online and repeatedly dismiss the movie day after day, I know they're going to be there watching it." — James Cameron on Avatar. [NY Post]
• "I think every little girl should be able to feel themselves the princess. I think every little girl is worthy of having a princely young man, and vice versa. It's really thrilling that Zahara will never have a moment where she didn't see herself in that light. She's Ethiopian. She comes from kings and queens. She should certainly know herself as a princess." — The Princess And The Frog's Anika Noni Rose, responding to Angelina Jolie's claim that she's ecstatic that daughter Zahara has a role model. [Ok!]
• "I'm working out again. I'm going to make the sequel to 300. My pecs will be glistening. I'll have a codpiece. I'm going to blow your mind." — Alec Baldwin. [Rush & Molloy]

• Tiger Woods reportedly still hasn't brought in a public relations crisis team to help him deal with the public fallout and media blitz surrounding his "indiscretions," even though it was recommended to him when the scandal broke. [RadarOnline]

• "They've been completely ineffective in handling this scandal from a pr standpoint," says a source, "It's just gotten worse and worse." [RadarOnline]
• The scandal is starting to take its toll on Tiger's sponsors, as well: Gillette spokesman Mike Norton says the company is pulling back on all ads featuring Woods in order to "support him as he takes a break from his professional career and that's why we're supporting him by limiting his role in our marketing programs." [BostonGlobe]
• Nike also supports Woods, stating that the company will stand by him through his troubles: "Tiger has been part of Nike for more than a decade. He is the best golfer in the world and one of the greatest athletes of his era. We look forward to his return to golf. He and his family have Nike's full support." [USWeekly]
• AT&T, meanwhile, says they "support Tiger's decision and our thoughts will be with him and his family," and "are presently evaluating our ongoing relationship with him." [NYDN]
• And News of the World is reporting that Elin Nordegren is set to dump Tiger after Christmas: "In the short-term they'll act like any other loving couple," says a source, "Elin won't break it all up right away. But she does need some time alone to herself and a legal separation will happen very quickly." [NewsoftheWorld]
• "If I wanted to tell people what I do with my vagina, I'd have made a sex video a long time ago. Largely, people don't know the whole story about anything. But still they need to put a name on it so that they can label it and put it on the side and not have to dedicate time to figuring it out. It's laziness."-Michelle Rodriguez on rumors about her sexuality. [TimesOnline]
• Hugh Grant says he was drunk when he spent $2 million on an Andy Warhol painting of Elizabeth Taylor in 2001; he later sold the painting in 2007 for $13 million. "I slightly regret selling it now," he says, "even though it made me rich." [DailyMail]
• Bonnie Wright says her older brother had read the Harry Potter books and thought she'd reminded him of Ginny Weasley, the character she ended up playing in the Potter films. "I was only nine at the time and didn't know who any of the characters were" Wright says, "but I read the first one and was hooked. When my mum came home from work, I said, "Please, please can you get me an audition for Harry Potter?" [DailyMail]
• "I always got on very well with John. He took the piss out of me, which made me laugh. He was a character, sarcastic, full of quips. When the Beatles had their first record out, "Love Me Do", John played it to me and I came out with a classic: 'You should sell this to the Everly Brothers.' Shows you what I knew! He never let me forget that. Whenever I saw him he'd say 'We're still writing songs for the Everly Brothers' and piss himself laughing."- Jimmy Tarbuck, who went to school with John Lennon [Guardian]
• Holly Madison has been spotted recently with Good Charlotte's Benji Madden, though she claims he isn't her boyfriend, but her "adventure buddy." [People]
• Jonathan Togo of CSI:Miami was arrested and charged with felony domestic violence after an argument with his girlfriend. [TMZ]
• Kim and Khloe Kardashian buy underwear, news at eleven. [PageSix]
• Carey Hart is apparently not afraid of the old tattoo-breakup curse, as he had his wife, Pink's face tattooed on his leg in a ""day of the dead style." [People]
• "People do discover new music, but it's very difficult. Modern music to most people sounds strange and abstract and painful to the ear, but nonetheless I think it's worth extolling. You need to discover something new. That's what human beings need: newness, novelty."-Sting [People]
• And, perhaps in a bid to qualify Sting's claims, Spencer Pratt has registered his own music company, "King Spencer Music." [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Sting's son, Jake Sumner has been tapped to shoot a short film for DKNY, starring Christina Ricci. [PageSix]
• Mariah Carey is set to embark on her first tour in three years: the "Angel's Advocate" tour will kick off on New Year's Eve in NYC and end in Las Vegas in February. [Reuters]
• Summit Entertainment, the studio that distributed Twilight, also plans to release Roman Polanski's The Ghost Writer in 2010. [Reuters]
• Jennifer Hudson says she's a "holiday fanatic" who loves to celebrate Christmas: "It hurts me so when I see people like, 'Whatever, Christmas is just another day.' I'm that person who's going to go over there and get you into the holiday spirit. And that's how I've always been." [People]
• Halle Berry says she has been volunteering at the Jenesse Center, an LA-area battered women's shelter, for years, as "I saw my mother battered, and could not do anything to stop it. My father was tyrannical, lashing out at her for no reason. I felt the effects that had on our family." [PageSix]
• "To anyone who has a dream I say follow that dream. You are never too old. It is never too late. And dreams can become a reality."-Susan Boyle [People]

• After a clip of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi getting punched in the face went viral last week, MTV has decided to pull the scene from an upcoming episode of Jersey Shore, stating that what happened to Snooki was "disturbing." [E!]

• According to E!, MTV has released the following statement: "What happened to Snooki was a crime and obviously extremely disturbing. After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context not to show the severity of this act or resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air Snooki being physically punched in the face." [E!]
• Things are apparently getting serious between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper: they've been spotted looking at houses together, and, according to a source, "he has already introduced her to his parents." [PageSix]
• Escort-service owner Michelle Braun says she has proof that one of Tiger Woods' mistresses, Jamie Jungers, used to work for her: a a 1099 tax form with Jungers' name on it. Braun does admit, however, that she can understand why Jungers might not recall working for her: "I did operate professionally under the name Nici, so maybe she doesn't know the name Michelle Braun. For eight years, I never met any of my girls or clients, and I never met her. In her defense, she might not be lying about not recognizing my name." [E!]
• Braun also claims that she set Tiger up with 10-15 women at a time. [TheSun]
• Meanwhile, Holly Sampson, a porn star also thought to be one of Woods' mistresses, was spotted outside of Vivid Entertainment with a script reading "Holly Sampson Golf Project." I'm sure the final product's name will be more creative, don't you think? Any guesses? [TMZ]
• Nike, however, says they are sticking by Tiger, despite his "indefinite" leave from golf, telling TMZ: "Tiger has been part of Nike for more than a decade. He is the best golfer in the world and one of the greatest athletes of his era. We look forward to his return to golf. He and his family have Nike's full support." [TMZ]
• Kate Hudson says growing up with her own famous mother makes her a bit sympathetic to her son, Ryder's reactions to her skimpier outfits at times: "I kinda understand what he was getting at. One time my mum came out wearing this little red dress. And I had that feeling like, 'Everyone's gonna be looking at you!'" [DailyExpress]
• "People work 20 years to get what we have. We really are so lucky. It's like you get a head start and it's all because of the fans. And it's not just about money or getting offers, it's that we can mold our careers."-Kellan Lutz, on the success of Twilight. [JustJared]
• NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak are reportedly in a stand-off with the producers of The Real Housewives of Atlanta because they're tired of paying the electric bills the show's production runs up in their homes. [TMZ]
• Penelope Cruz was disappointed when the rope marks from her big number in Nine (which involves sliding up and down ropes while wearing lingerie), disappeared. "I didn't want the marks I got from the ropes to go away, because they were like my little medals. I was so used to them that after three months of training, I didn't even feel physical pain anymore. I loved it." [E!]
• A prospective buyer for Lil' Wayne's house was asked by a broker before visiting the home: ,"'I have two questions: Are you offended by the smell of marijuana? And do you mind coming late in the afternoon? It's currently rented by Lil Wayne, and these are not morning people." [PageSix]
• Kevin Federline has lost quite a bit of weight, if anyone cares. [USWeekly]
• Victoria Beckham is using a method known as "The Alexander Technique" in order to improve her poor posture. "She absolutely hates the fact that in pictures she often has somewhat of a hunched-back stance and she hates having rounded shoulders, so she has been saying she feels so much better," says a source, "She practices the discipline after the gym every morning and at night. She is standing straighter and her body feels more aligned. It also helps you cope with stress." [DailyMail]
• Lily Allen says she believes she may have "a touch of dysmorphia. I was sitting in bed last night and I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I said: 'God, I'm a funny looking thing.'" [DailyMail]
• Hosting Saturday Night Live was the best week of my life. I started as a theater kid, so "SNL" has been up on a pedestal for me and I've always wondered what it would be like to actually experience it. You don't even notice you're so busy that you have to eat while walking to your next meeting. I was at 30 Rock at 7 a.m. until 1 or 2 at night a lot of times. I didn't want to leave. I was definitely stepping out of my comfort zone in terms of how people have seen me in the past. To see the reviews come in and them being positive and the ratings come in, and the fans were so wonderful and made a point to watch, it made me so thankful and so happy."- Taylor Swift [Reuters]
• If you're a Coldplay fan, you might want to check out their "Coldplay End of Decade Clearout Sale" on Ebay; the band is auctioning off signed costumes, instruments, and more to benefit "Kids Company, an incredible charity that helps vulnerable children and young people in London." [TheSun]
• Rowan "Mr. Bean" Atkinson's vintage Jaguar caught fire late last night; Atkinson escaped with "cuts and bruises" and the car was eventually towed away. [DailyExpress]
• Michael Jackson will be honored with a posthumous Lifetime Achievement Award at next month's Grammys. [Reuters]
• "One of my biggest dreams is to do a one-woman show, with dancing and singing. I just have to figure out the concept."-Catherine Zeta-Jones [DailyExpress]
• The Guardian is currently running a roundup of celebrities who "ruined the decade." On the list? Will.I.Am, Dan Brown, and Michael Cera. [Guardian]
• Russell Brand met girlfriend Katy Perry's parents and has been impressing them by dropping quotes from such people as Nelson Mandela: "You know, I've been bringing out quotes, I'm doing well, you know, because I'm committed to it and they're lovely, lovely people, its been nice. Obviously when I heard that my girlfriend had preacher parents, I thought well this has got a huge scope for disaster, but it's actually been quite good so far."[DailyMail]
• Meanwhile, Katy's father, Keith Hudson reportedly gave Brand a copy of his book The Cry which promises to "release a desperate longing in you for Gods intervention in your life." Brand then gave the Hudson's a copy of his own book, My Booky Wook, which Perry's mother, Mary Hudson read, telling the New York Daily News that "There are parts of Russell's book where he's really hungry for positive influences in his life. I think the two of them are hungry. They are basically seeking the truth from God - and they are going to find it." [NYDN]

[Image via MTV]

• Earlier this week on The View, Joy Behar joked about Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel: "Yeah, you-ka-tell she's a hooker." Uchitel didn't find it so funny, and her lawyer threatened to sue the show.

• The View responded by issuing this statement: "Joy Behar made a play on Ms. Uchitel's name. This was intended as a joke. We sincerely apologize for the choice of words and for any misimpression the joke may have created." [TMZ]
• Woods, for his part, is taking an "indefinite" break from golf. [ESPN]
• An unnamed Tiger Woods mistress bragged to friends that she had been trying to get pregnant by him for years. "She used to try to arrange to see Tiger when she was ovulating. She thought she'd be set for life financially if she could have Tiger's baby," said a source. Tiger had no idea, but hopefully he's learned an important lesson about birth control. [Radar Online]
• On the Today show, Jamie Jungers said she was introduced to Tiger Woods at a nightclub in 2005 and they ended up sleeping together. She said, "The more we drank, the more flirtatious it got." Isn't that how these things usually go? Jungers insists she isn't part of the escort service that some claim Tiger uses. "I got nothing from this relationship – except a broken heart," she said. [People]
• Escort-service owner Michelle Braun says of Jamie Jungers' story, "That's just a lie. Of course she's going to deny it. What girl is going to go on national TV and admit she was an escort?" [E!]
• In court today Anna Nicole Smith's two doctors and her lawyer, Howard K. Stern, plead not guilty to drug conspiracy charges. A judge refused to suspend the physicians' medical licenses, saying the case has been going on for years, so they're obviously not an "imminent danger." [AP]
• You may have heard that Courteney Cox and David Arquette are adopting a child, but her rep says it's a "complete fabrication." [Daily Express]
• Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson has been charged with first degree residential burglary and receiving stolen property for allegedly stealing lingerie, mail, clothing, and handbags from her ex-girlfriend Jasmine Lennard's home. [TMZ]
• Here's something you shouldn't regift: engagement rings. The ring Tila Tequila gave her fiancee Casey Johnson is actually the same ring she gave Courtenay Semel when they were dating."It is absolutely not real and Casey is well aware," said Courtenay. "I would not expect Tila to be able to differentiate a real diamond from a fake one. Her ring is as real as her engagement!"" [Radar Online]
• Ashlee Simpson has been cast as a supporting character in Nicole Richie's new sitcom. "Nicole adores Ashlee, and she truly believes in her talent," says a source. "With few other job prospects on the horizon, Ashlee - who desperately wants to establish herself as an actress - was feeling down until Nicole stepped up and promised: ‘I've got your back. What are girlfriends for?'" [Hollywood Scoop]
• Ick. Heidi Montag wrote on Twitter, "Here is a poem I wrote for my hubby Spencer," and linked to a 58-line poem about the flesh-bearded one. Here's a sample: "You are the most selfless, loving, perfect, caring, miraculous soul to be / Every day I am in aw (sic) of you / All of you passions motives are always so pure and true / I feel bad for all the women in the world who don't have you / But sorry ladies there is one and I don't share [Us]
• Charges have been dropped against the 22-year-old Chicago woman accused of videotaping a part of New Moon. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Def Leppard's former manager filed a lawsuit against the band for allegedly not paying her after a 2008 tour. [Radar Online]
• VIDEO: At LAX the paparazzi get too close to a woman in Axl Rose's entourage. He says, "touch her again, I'll break his fucking neck." The photographer touches her again and Axl knocks him to the ground. [TMZ]
• A woman called the police from Nelly's house after she saw "an older man with glasses and a mustache" walking around the house with a duffel bag full of video games and electronics. When the man was asked "why are you here?" he didn't answer and ran for an open window. Was it an early visit from Santa? [TMZ]
• Judy Garland and Sir Elton John were named the top gay icons by a voters on OnePoll.com. [Contact Music]
• Liza Minnelli says The Wizard of Oz isn't one of her favorite films. "I just loved her so and for some reason The Wizard of Oz bothers me when I see it. They do terrible things to her. ... That's 'cause it's my mom." [AP]
• Alyssa Milano is among the many Italian-Americans offended by Jersey Shore "My husband actually showed me the trailer on YouTube last night, and I got upset," she said. "It upset me. I was like, 'Turn that off!' So no, I don't think I'll be watching that!'" Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. "Snookie," defended her show on The Wendy Williams Show saying, "The Italian, whatever, national, whatever their organization is, they don't understand that 'guidos' and 'guidettes' are good-looking people that, you know, like to make a scene and be center of attention and just take care of themselves... They are old-fashioned. They don't know that; they think it's offensive, because maybe in their time it was offensive, but now it's kind of a compliment. So they don't understand that and that is what we are trying to say. They are way overreacting to the show. We're 22 to 29 just having fun at the shore. They are just taking it way out of proportion." [Us]
• After a screening of her new film The Young Victoria Emily Blunt said, "I don't feel like I had a burning ambition to play the Queen of England... She learned not to mistake stubbornness for strength, and I learned about the humanity of that world." [Style]
• "I can't go two months without being pregnant, engaged, or breaking up because I'm too needy, which is always the one they love," says Kate Hudson. "I'm not needy. You kind of have to laugh it off, but it can kind of screw up other things around it." She added: "If I walk out on the street with any man, I'm dating him. I've been dating two of my best friends from high school who are like girls to me. I have a child, and there are people involved, and it's unfair to talk about somebody else, especially when you're not in that place yet to be discussing those things." [Star]
• Tori Amos says she went through years of therapy but her daughter Natashya, who was born in 2000, was "the missing piece of the puzzle for me. [Her birth] literally kicked out any kind of negativity or self-abuse that I was holding onto." [CNN]
• Dave Itzkoff, who interviewed the remaining members of the Jackson 5 for Sunday's New York Times Magazine says they "seemed mostly unaware of the aura that surrounds their surname. They were a quartet of garrulous, goofy, occasionally cantankerous men who just happen to belong to one of popular culture's most captivating and scrutinized families - and who are still coping with a devastating loss on that same tremendous scale." [N.Y.T.]
• "I am not proud of being rich," says Ricky Gervais. "I still think they are waiting for me to pick up the wrong fork." [ONTD]
• In Esquire's "What I've Learned" column, Peter Jackson admits, "I'm a technophobe. I don't know how the technology works. But I know what the technology is capable of, which is the important thing." He adds, "My thirteen-year-old daughter makes films with her friends on the weekends. Then she edits them on iMovie, and I sit with her and ask her to teach me how to do it. I'm trying to learn." [Esquire]
• 15-year-old Saoirse Ronan says of her character in The Lovely Bones, "I never really thought of Susie Salmon as someone who was dead... Although her body is dead, her soul is still there. That's what makes Susie who she is and that's what I love about her." [Reuters]
• After an Irish report found that Catholic church leaders covered up widespread sexual abuse of children for 30 years, Pope Benedict said he felt "outrage, betrayal, and shame," but Sinead O'Connor is still calling for him to step down. "Popes have had no problem voicing their opinions when we wanted contraception or divorce," O'Connor said. "No problem criticizing The Da Vinci Code. No problem criticizing Naomi Campbell for wearing a bejeweled cross. Yet when it comes to the evils done by pedophiles dressed as priests they are silent. It is grotesque, unbelievable, bizarre and unprecedented. They stand for nothing now but evil." [Reuters]
• Pierce Brosnan, who appears in Roman Polanski's upcoming film The Ghost, says of the director's arrest, "There's a sadness to the whole situation. What happened was wrong in every way, but I just wish the man well and closure for this time in his life, at this moment in time. He's a magnificent director. He's iconic in the world of cinema. I think we've made a good film, the cast is really top class and I just hope that justice will be served with some dignity and compassion, and swiftly... We had dinners, we talked, I met him before and we got on very well together, but I don't know the man. I certainly knew the history of the man, and my heart goes out to his family, to his wife and to his children, and, as I say, I hope this chapter can be closed quickly." [Daily Express]
• "I tried to lose my virginity when I was seven-years-old," Diddy tells Playboy. "I was on top of a girl who was nine or 10, but it didn't happen - so everybody doesn't have to bug out. My mother and the babysitter whipped my ass." [The Sun]

Frequently, e-mailers seemed confused about what it is we do here at Jezebel. One guy chose the oddly self-referential subject line, "nice to send e-mail to you," and inquired whether we were "in pet business." Then there was this good Samaritan:

hello my friend, Jesus can help you leave this life of sin.
pornography makes you a slave and only Jesus in his love can help you find your freedom, because as I give your life to Jesus

And, on the other side of the issue:

Hi there

Are you looking for sexy PRETTY WOMEN, MEN AND COUPLES certainly read more.

Are you looking for a one night stand, sex relationship or a serious relationship.

I found a nice and interesting site.

This is the most complete site for swingers in the Netherlands,Belgium and world wide it is a site like tagged.com but
erotic content is

allowed

I has extented profiles, upload unlimited fotos to you own own profile pages, blogs, guestbook the most extensive photo album of famous

Prophecies are also popular. In what may be the longest e-mail I have ever received, a reader lets us know that Jesus is on the way, and He's looking for action:

My Blessed Child, I am your Father Yaweh, yea Jehovah, Most High God! My Blessed Child, just as surely as the wind blows, and just as surely as the sun rises in the East, My promise is ever so true, that I am coming for My Bride!

The above is only a tiny sampling of a much longer piece, which also included a discussion of Morgellon's syndrome and "hidden mind control doors." Others chose to express their predictions for the future more succinctly:

FIXING TO BE ONE BAD ONE. COMMING SOON . WON'T BE IN NO THEATER.

Of course, sometimes emailers are angry, like this one:

Look At Whitney Huston- pathetic example ,she's a wash .Now, not even you thinks she 's worth writing about any more. So save me your concerns. There are many American women out there like Rhianna but very few are like tiger's Swedish wife. She did not play victim,she kicked his behind and is now 300-500 million richer for it! As for tiger, you want us to pity this fool?? He was humping different women unprotected then coming back home smelling like martinis and 2 hour ago sex. Are you guys for real writing such an article?? You need to check out these restaurants that are supporting prostitution in the their establishments . 1500$ a night tiger spent, by himself? Come on!!! The Swede can teach you victimized American women a lot . A WHOLE LOT! You're clueless!!

Yes, we should all model ourselves after "the Swede." But if we can't, there are some who love us just the way we are:

Hey guys, gals, ladies, writers of Jezebel,

I write because I love your on-line publication.
Please keep up the good words.
I admire the wit and intelligence that informs your essays and comments.
Equally, I love to read the spirited writing always present in the same.
I am a subscriber, and a big fan of Dodai, and "commentor"/"commentator" [redacted].

(At this point you've either dismissed me as a "stalker", or as a misinformed, adolescent applicant to what I must have mistakenly thought was The Beatles Fan website.)
(Have a favorite Beatle ? ........)
(And I invited [commenter redacted] to include an "all-consumming but disasterous affair with a middle-aged man" into her list of things she wanted to do in the next two years before withdrawing to a tropical island to write a book — and I recommended myself as a worthy candidate ....., to which she responded with a restraining-order....)

In fact, I am a 51 year old male, firmly entrenched in his own mediocrity, but who is also occasionally cable of remarkable things — when inspired.

Sometimes an emailer's intentions are clear, as in this message:

HI SADIE, ARE YOU A REAL AUTHER? I NEED TO WRITE A BOOK , I NEED A WRITER TO HELP ME. IF YOUR INTERESTED E-MAIL ME & WE WILL DISCUESS IT.

Sadie is now proud to be working on a book with a real live LOLCat. But perhaps the most awe-inspiring of reader e-mails are those for which there is absolutely no discernible purpose. Below, I give you two mysterious missives that showed up in our inboxes this morning:

you Really Like hard worker. /
upturn directive. katie.
So. Revenge.

huu... study sex.
how to live.

shallow history of america.

nothing. american phychology disdain backward country. human dieing-
whats advance?

long time ago in japan already finished dismiss.

so american people now discuss sex feminist gay.

natural usual .better leave it unside.
American Philosophy Confuse World.

old fashion.

Same 2500 Years ago in Roman. Italy.
Freedom woman?
more not Living Well woman.
Runaway for Freedom ()
isaid you must read by Ehrlich From

only love human
you must tender by people.

storng is snap.

flexible. loss is win.soft is storong.
hardpower not continue.

softpower. is DAISAKU IKEDA 1989 in HARBARD speach.

And, shorter but no less poignant:

Childhood and now earnest lack play

me same.
super
sirious Fooleries

hahahaha—da. not relevsant!

thats real relateing.

be fool!