New York, 8:44 AM
Sat Nov 28
29 posts in the last 24 hours
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Jezebel 
06/09/09
HI-YA!
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Kermit is the most kick-ass frog to ever walk the earth.
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Night y'all.
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Fucking daylight savings.
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I'm just having a hard time believing sexual attraction can last much longer than a couple of years, especially when I read quotes from married people saying they view their spouse more like a family member or sibling than a lover. Apparently this happens to women a TON. I love my boyfriend but I'm worried this will happen to me. I get the difference between infatuation/honeymoon stage and the years after that, but I'm beginning to think sexual attraction will ALWAYS fade and I need to hear from someone is that is or is not true.
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However, the second LTR was a lot different and I never lost sexual interest. Of course it leveled off after a while and became less frequent, but there was always some sort of spark there. And this was a guy I lived with, so you'd think there'd be more lust lost. I also had much more chemistry overall with this guy than with the other one.
So... I think its normal and happens quite often, but its not necessarily a given fact of life. My friends and I have had conversations about this and have concluded that when the sex becomes nonexistent, it usually means the relationship is dead. But if it doesn't really matter to either of you, then maybe it's not a problem. Different strokes, I guess.
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Life's stressors definitely can and will dampen things. And in a sense, I think the changing nature of the relationship, into longtime companions, can as well. The attraction isn't so much the "oh, here comes my hot man" attraction as much as it used to be. But now there's a "Here's my awesome dependable worn-in comfy husband and he's still got it" sort of way.
03/09/09
@chritter: I always love to find out when jezzies are dudes!
03/09/09
That was how I felt with him, too. I didn't want him to touch me, but I couldn't even imagine myself with anyone else for the longest time. I was so confused, it was like I had lost my entire sex drive. And even before our completely dry year, usually the only way I could get horny enough to have sex with him was if I got myself drunk.
I think I was emotionally attached to him and was really co-dependent on his companionship, but in the end I had to admit to myself that I was really just not that into him. I also knew that he would never, ever leave me, so I just got comfortable and knew he would always be around regardless of the sex.
I don't know, judging from my experience and those of my friends, it typically hasn't been a good sign. But like I said before, if neither party cares too much about it and both people are happy, then there isn't necessarily a problem right?
03/09/09
I think you have to adjust to the changing relationship. Things aren't new anymore- but there is still the person you love and there is ALWAYS something more you can learn about them to make it interesting. :)
03/09/09
I'm sure you get it; long term married amour will never approach the thrill and electricity of new strange amour. But the tradeoff is either worth it or not, and for me it's totally worth it. Comfy love, for me, with the real life woman of my dreams, beats electric new love with Angelina Jolie any day of the week. Nothing against Ms. Jolie, of course, but I have my priorities.
@Scoithniamh: The few, the proud: the Jezedudes. It's actually no big deal, there are a significant happy few of us out here.
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what do you think causes a man who is long-term married to leave his wife for the new fling? I'm thinking of men like the director Robert Rodriguez who's wife was pregnant with their fifth child when he left her.
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Well like water baby said, I definitely felt like our relationship dynamic had become like a brother/sister thing, not someone who I was sexually attracted to at all. We were buddies, and talked about everything together, but nothing about him excited me or drove me crazy. At least, not after the first year.
Also, I was pretty young (18, 19, 20) and very inexperienced in the dating department, so I didn't know a lot about love and couldn't recognize our lack of chemistry. I just figured that because we were so close, we had to be soul mates. And I think I became so attached to him because I was in love with the fantasy of us, about how I wanted things to be and this picket-fence future I had imagined, rather than the reality of us.
Also, I was very much the dominant one and he was very passive. That could have had something to do with it. I tend to get really turned off by guys who are passive and let me boss them around, as well as guys who are way more in love with me than I am. In my second LTR, we were more or less equal and I found myself excited and driven by that.
Acchhh, I don't know what to tell you. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but in all honesty I truly think its not a good sign of a relationship's progress. Like raquel8 said above, perhaps over many years and between marriage and kids, the sex will fluctuate and disappear at times. But if you're in a young relationship and you stop wanting to have sex within the very first few years, then it probably means something. :(
Hope that helps somewhat...
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I'm getting the urge to change my avatar. I'm resisting it because I've only been commenting since Dec 08, and I feel like I need to wait longer.
So, should I change it? If so, what should I change it to?
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I have this problem with most avatars, unless they're really simple shapes- I can see Megan Glass's, above, but can't really see yours or, say, schmalerie's below. It's the pictures that got small!
Uh, or I'm blind.
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(Psst: You got something better? Bring it on!)
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