Jezebel 
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New York, 5:17 AM
Sat Nov 28
29 posts in the last 24 hours
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06/17/09
xox,
Someone Who Was Once on TheKnot
06/17/09
/pity party
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06/17/09
@PreposterousHypothesis: Is your wedding going to be small? Small weddings are the best because you actually have a chance to talk to the bride and groom and it doesn't feel like you could have not showed up and nobody would have cared.
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06/17/09
Whooops...
06/17/09
05/20/09
NoosePlungeReally? Am I missing the sarcasm? It sucks because your friends will take the piss?
EW.
You should definitely go for preserving your manly manliness into front of your buddies over respecting your partner's opinion...
And maybe it hints of deeper trust issues because you're the type of guy who is swayed by his 'buddies' about matters like the treatment of women.
05/20/09
I think in a weird way, the issue the guy is having here is that a guy should be able to know what you're okay with and respect that, rather than requiring a stern ultimatum from the girl. (and that the buddies need to know about it at all - why? It's not like a guy would tell them unless he's a moron. It would only be if she specifically told them.)
I know my boyfriend would be pissed with me if I told him he was not allowed to get a lapdance under any circumstances, despite the fact that I wouldn't expect him to want one. He wouldn't do it, but he'd be pissed about my need to micromanage him, like he couldn't figure it out on his own. If I thought he had any guy friends that might try to make him get a lapdance, or that would buy him a lapdance, the best way to handle it would be to tell him it would hurt me if he did that. And then I'd let it go. I'd fucking trust him, because he's an adult and he can handle himself. Which is the guy's point about a girl who needs to "forbid" it having trust issues.
05/20/09
Yes, some girls go all crazy but for me, but a lot of guys use the word "forbid" for things his girlfriend/wife isn't crazy about without it being a bossing him around situation. A lot of time I think its even a way for him to push responsibility off on his partner rather than saying he doesn't want to.
It really matters what the overall tone of your relationship is, but I don't think it is wrong to make it clear that something is a deal breaker for you, rather than just something that will hurt your feelings.
05/20/09
NoosePlunge05/20/09
NoosePlunge05/20/09
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NoosePlunge05/20/09
05/20/09
NoosePlunge"Let's say that your fiancée explicitly forbid you from getting lap dances. This sucks. It will get mocked by your buddies. And frankly, it hints at some deeper insecurities and trust-issues"
I'm not down with strip clubs or lap dances because it is beyond what I'm okay with when it comes to touching other people. I also wouldn't grind with a guy at a club. That might mean I'm uptight, but it doesn't mean I have trust issues or insecurities. The whole idea that I should be okay with it because he doesn't think its a big deal does not fly.
The whole levels thing is ridiculous. Having sex with someone else is an equal crime. Its only less bad to sleep with a stripper or a prostitute if you don't consider them people to begin with.
05/20/09
05/20/09
I totally agree. I think that so many men seem to find it- "it" being anything from getting a lapdance to engaging in sexual activity with a stripper- acceptable because they don't think of them as real women. I've spoken with men (NOT my friends) who do not consider these things cheating because they're "just" strippers. They are women and humans, you fuckhead, and you just paid them to grind their bodies all over you, or even more.
But I have trust-issues, I guess.
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05/20/09
NoosePlungecan you imagine if there was a common female equivalent of the lap dance? and how against it these very dudes would be? i'm pretty sure they'd develop their own "trust-issues" if their fiancees started paying to grope/by groped by other dudes.
05/20/09
can you imagine if there was a common female equivalent of the lap dance?
In any major city, there is a female equivalent - Male strippers at clubs can get pretty nasty.
05/20/09
NoosePlungeThey left out the body shots, toys, and table dance (non-contact, non-private) categories. Incall vs. Outcall? Big differences.
NO CAMERAS rule: Most strippers/strip clubs already say this, but if you say it on the invitations, and stick to it, there is actually a better chance it will run smoother, and there will be less temptation for things to escalate. And, no one's feelings get hurt later when a picture of a drunk attendee (or the groom/bride) resurfaces.
05/20/09
05/20/09
The camera makes the performers uncomfortable, encourages an escalation of interaction between the guests and the dancers, and no matter what the pictures show, for most people, it will be a sore subject later, especially if it takes place at the couple's residence (familiarity of the background in the photos).
I no longer drink, and my lap-dance days are in the past, too.
05/20/09
NoosePlungeAAAUGHGGH
*HEDDESK A MILLION TIMES*
05/20/09