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New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
Common Ground: Understanding Ali Wise, Ex-Girlfriend From Hell
Internet Becomes A Never-Ending Nightmare For One Family
Strange But True: Woman Addicted To Internet Has Never Heard Of Sarah Palin
Virtual Revenge
Pro-Ana 2.0
Ashton Kutcher's "Blah Girls" Is A Little Racist & Sorta Blah
Democrats Kiss And Make Up With Everyone Except Lieberman

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rednrowdy
10/27/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
Yang, with the diaries, paints a picture of an aggressively devil-may-care kind of young New York that isn't entirely aware of its own contradictions.

um, believe me. you don't have to be (a) young or (b) live in/be from new york to encounter all kinds of people who aren't entirely aware of their own contradictions. #sexdiaries
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Jenna
10/27/09

@rednrowdy: Um, believe me: Yang is too subtle a writer to make such an obvious mis-step.

The source material he was analyzing happens to be all from New Yorkers, most of whom are young. #sexdiaries
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TransFat
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
The issue of online culture replacing actual human interactions has been on my mind for awhile. And all I can thin of is, well, at least when our civilization is unearthed hundreds of years from now there will be no record of blogs, tweets et al. Just a bunch of plastic objects with the long extinct "apple" of song and legend that we probably used to coldcock game.

I'd hate to see what they'd gleen from our Hammurabi's Code... Perez fucking Hilton. #sexdiaries
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anastasia beaverhousen
10/26/09

@TransFat: I 100% agree with you. Online interaction might be safe and sterile but it's cold and bitter. We need to get out there and be with other people. We're social animals after all. #sexdiaries
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bklyn155
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
Am I the only one who found that exchange between the diarist, her Psuedo and her Ex completely tedious? Or do I need some sugar right now to help my concentration?
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formergr promoted this comment Edited by bklyn155 at 10/26/09 4:28 PM bklyn155 was starred bklyn155 was unstarred

formergr
10/26/09

@bklyn155: It just really confused me. I honestly didn't even understand what the specific issue was, or who ended up sleeping (if anyone did) with whom. #sexdiaries
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TheFormerJuneBronson
10/26/09

@bklyn155: It made me relieved to be married. I don't miss dating. #sexdiaries
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Helio
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
I think this is my new favorite thing.

"We hedge "The anxiety of appearing overly sincere" against "The anxiety of being unable to love." Ugh, stop being so perceptive, Person I Have Never Met! #sexdiaries
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JLady
10/26/09

@Helio: This is the exact conflict that is keeping me from a relationship with someone I really want a relationship with. Erg. #sexdiaries
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laureltreedaphne
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
Sometimes the sex diaries are so horrible they make me not want to deal with people. The best was the totally self absorbed therapist who admitted to hating, judging, and not listening to her patients. She made me afraid to go to therapy! All your worst fears about it come true. #sexdiaries
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bess marvin, girl detective
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
best feature on that website. reading the diaries may make you want to wall yourself off to the world, but you take comfort that everyone is as crazy as you are #sexdiaries
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morninggloria
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
I know that all of these people are in New York, but if you hadn't told me in what city they resided, I would have no way of knowing. This sort of "neurotic self loathing" happens everywhere, from Manhattan to Des Moines to Alaska, although I'm sure that in Alaska snowmobiles are usually more directly involved. #sexdiaries
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Jenna
10/26/09

@morninggloria: Clearly you've been to Iowa City. #sexdiaries
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JerseyGrrrl
10/26/09

@morninggloria: NO. It's only New York. It's all about New York. NEW YORK NEW YORK NEW YORK. Nowhere else matters. In fact, once you cross either river, you actually fall off the Earth. I CAN'T HEAR YOU. NEW YORK.

But secretly, I agree with you. Neuroticness is like the state bird of New Jersey. #sexdiaries
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ritualtheory
10/26/09

@Jenna: I lived in Iowa City. And it's true! #sexdiaries
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la.donna.pietra
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
Nope, sorry, I don't believe they're real. They all sound way too much the same. I demand SSNs. #sexdiaries
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LucilleMcGillicuddy
10/26/09

@la.donna.pietra: agreed. major shenanigans. #sexdiaries
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bess marvin, girl detective
10/26/09

@la.donna.pietra: i am friends with at least one person who has written a diary. they are real. #sexdiaries
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winner
10/26/09

@la.donna.pietra: I have kept a diary for sex diaries. I was tempted to embellish but at the end of the day, someone will call me a slut, someone will call me a prude and someone will accuse me of lying - regardless of what I wrote. So my diary was 100% legit. #sexdiaries
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la.donna.pietra
10/26/09

@winner: Are they edited for content or clarity? (I believe you and bess marvin; there's just an awful lot of similarity between all the entries that I've read.) #sexdiaries
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Jessica
10/26/09

@la.donna.pietra: Hey there - I'm an ed at nymag.com. To answer your question, the diaries are occasionally edited for mind-bendingly filthy language (and hats off to those diarists, really -- if we have to tone down a turn of phrase, you've written something truly special). They may also be lightly edited for clarity, grammar, etc., just like any contribution to a publication. But what you're reading is real, and any similarities amongst entries just speaks to the larger patterns that prompted this article. #sexdiaries
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winner
10/26/09

@la.donna.pietra: The diaries are probably edited for length, clarity and grammar, but not for content - in my experience. Nothing was published that I hadn't written and nothing was taken out of context in a way that made me uncomfortable. #sexdiaries
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JessicaLovejoy: Laughing, riding, cornholing!
10/26/09

In reply to New Yorkers' Sex Lives Lead Researcher To Conclude We Are Culpably Neurotic
The Sex Diaries are one of my favorite drunken interneting stops. See also: Best of Craigslist. #sexdiaries
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Pantra
10/21/09

In reply to Common Ground: Understanding Ali Wise, Ex-Girlfriend From Hell
I'm one of those people who have no interest in even Googling someone, and I hate it when someone Googles me. I've had cashiers and baristas, total strangers who saw my name on my debit card, Google me and find out my age, my address, look at my house, read obituaries I'm listed in where the deaths were tragedies I'd like kept private, and so on. It's grossly intrusive. I realize this is how we live now but I'm sick of people knowing intimate details about me that I haven't told them. None of which I "put out" there - I don't do social networking, but a lot of stuff is online regardless. And when someone has a crush on you, or is jealous of you, it's scary how much info they can come up with.

I think as with many things, prevalence starts equating acceptability after a while. Personally I feel it's undignified and also destructive to people who get really obsessive about it. If I found out someone hacked into my voice mails or otherwise spied on me, I would pursue the most severe legal means possible to punish them. Privacy is becoming a lost concept. #aliwise
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suck_it_monkeys
10/21/09

In reply to Common Ground: Understanding Ali Wise, Ex-Girlfriend From Hell
Excellent analysis, Jenna. I can definitely relate to the underlying tendency to obsess over people who meant a great deal to me in the past and are no longer in my life. Most 0f us wouldn't go nearly this far, but I can understand the impulse. Most likely once she overcame the initial ethical hesitation and hacked into the first voicemail, it was easier to justify the next one, and so on until she became compulsive. I'm sure on some level she felt shame for what she was doing all along. Kind of an amplified version of what I feel when I google that one mysterious ex for the bazillionth time, despite being in a happy relationship. #aliwise
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roslyn taber
10/21/09

In reply to Common Ground: Understanding Ali Wise, Ex-Girlfriend From Hell
one interesting thing i feel like no one's touched on is that Jenna is focusing on people who cheated on her -- i feel like in those kinds of cases, there is more impetus to know about the other woman, sort of as a way of finding an explanation for why the person you cared about hurt you. and i also think being cheated on can make it easy to fall into a feeling-bad-about-yourself cycle, and if that is how you are dealing with being cheated on, learning more about the person your bf cheated with can help provide fuel for that (especially icky) fire. #aliwise
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laureltreedaphne
10/21/09

In reply to Common Ground: Understanding Ali Wise, Ex-Girlfriend From Hell
I cannot stop checking my boyfriend's ex's Facebook page. It drives me crazy but I can't stop doing it.

I also have a friend who I broke off contact with a few months ago - she does nothing but post annoying updates on her page. I took her off my news feed so I could just move on with my life and stop being obsessive - and yet I still go and check her page when I'm on Facebook. It's crazy. Why do we do this stuff? #aliwise
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ImperfectLit.Woman
10/21/09

@laureltreedaphne: I have no idea. i keep checking my ex's page and his now ex girlfriends? for some reason and I can't stop doing it either. Ugh.

I hate myself for caring that much and then I hate myself more for picking her apart. This can't be healthy. #aliwise
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SisterRay73
10/21/09

@ImperfectLit.Woman: Ugh I totally do the same thing! I check his page MULTIPLE times a day and used to stalk his now-ex as well...and still do, now that she is his ex. With him it's become like a reflex, a habit. Comforting, even. And that is pretty fucked up, I must say.

(When my ex left me for another girl who I rapidly defriended, which meant I could no longer see her profile, the masochistic side in me was a little upset, and then I stalked the shit out of her and them via other people's photos and profiles until they broke up. It was HORRIBLE.) #aliwise
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ImperfectLit.Woman
11/14/09

@SisterRay73: I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this. 3 cheers for neurotic behavior.Lol. #aliwise
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BytheSea
10/21/09

In reply to Common Ground: Understanding Ali Wise, Ex-Girlfriend From Hell
Why would you want to stalk your ex's new thing online? What does that do for you? How is obsession and brooding adding anything positive to your life? Once or twice, maybe, but a thousand times? I've seen this in articles here on Jez a lot, as confessionary reporting, and I don't think it's something to be proud of. I don't know if it's "normal" or "average" because I don't have that many friends to poll, but from a psychological standpoint, I think that every time you give in to that impulse, you're digging yourself deeper into hatred and self-loathing. there's got to be something better you can do with your time that isn't so self-absorbed and spawning of negativity.
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Edited by BytheSea at 10/21/09 5:22 PM BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred

tewkesbury
10/21/09

@BytheSea: I don't think that Jenna is arguing that it does add anything positive to her life. I think the point here is that it both interests and frightens her that she can find any common ground with someone whose behavior she clearly acknowledges is reprehensible--which is to say, not at all positive. #aliwise
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msmoneypenny
10/21/09

@tewkesbury: Your interpretation makes sense, but this sentence . "Because she's facing up to four years in prison for the kinds of acts that, while most of us would not have committed, might, if we're honest with ourselves, have at least considered." makes it seem like Jenna is speaking on behalf of most women. Perhaps she is right and maybe BytheSea and I are exceptions to the rule? Personally, I've operated on the it's your loss, buddy line of thinking/behavior, but my experience isn't everyone else's either. I guess I wonder if *most* women do feel the urge like Jenna. Someone should do a study. #aliwise
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tewkesbury
10/21/09

@msmoneypenny: it is an interesting question, and you make a good point. While I'll admit that I don't have your Give a Shit Switch (which you should totally market), I also can't say that I've ever considered electronically stalking anyone. And having been on the receiving end of jealous-woman-stalking, I also don't feel especially kindly inclined toward Ali Wise. #aliwise
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GoldenRatioφ (aka -girl11)
10/22/09

@BytheSea: Well, I read celebrity gossip, so I suppose I like gossip and sometimes I'm interested to see what goes on in an old friend or ex's life. It's definitely lame, but checking an ex's facebook page, or looking at photos of him with his new girlfriend doesn't strike me as wrong, because it's out there for the public to see. It's not like facebook is some secret diary, or a very private place, and what you want to keep private, you can. Of course, I've been extremely lucky not to have any acrimonious breakups, so I am genuinely happy and interested when exes are happy. But I'm sure I would do the same in the case of a horrible breakup too. But none of this justifies going into someone's private e-mail, or voicemail box, because that is clearly meant to stay private. #aliwise
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Bgirl_Hamster
10/21/09

In reply to Common Ground: Understanding Ali Wise, Ex-Girlfriend From Hell
Anyone remember that Keeping Up with the Kardashians episode where Kim hacked into Khloe's man's voicemail? I hope for them that the whole thing was fake, because I don't think Kim (or Ali Wise) would make it very long in the big house. #aliwise
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