-
the week that was
This Week We Were Tired Of Tyra, Elisabeth And Meme
We told Tyra yet again that she is no Oprah Winfrey. Learn it, live it, love it, Ty Ty. There is only one Winfrey. -
the week that was
This Week We Had A Gastric Bypass
- We had some major tech surgery and now there's a lighter, leaner Jezebel. From the looks of our inbox, you hate it!
-
tina fey
This Week We Wondered If Tina Fey Reached The Tipping Point
- Tina Fey finally dished about her mysterious scar in Vanity Fair and we wondered whether she'd be famous if she hadn't glammed up.
- Speaking of celebrity makeovers, Britney had her umpteenth comeback, and though her weave was clean, the sparkle in her eye was gone.
- Scarlett Johansson never needed a makeover because she's actually a clone.
-
balls
This Week We Had A Ball
- ...Just like Lance Armstrong, Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other dudes with a single testicle.
- But as far as we know, those dudes have bellybuttons, unlike Karolina Kurkova, the no-navel icon.
- She may have a navel, but Lori Drew has no soul.
- Michelle Obama has a soul and, according to an obsessed Salon scribe, a big butt.
-
oprah
This Week We Discovered Shoving Garlic Up Our Hoohas Was Srsly "Uncool"
- Picture it: the Jezebel nursing home, the year 2068. We'll turn on our headchips to watch the disembodied skull of Oprah host her show, and Jennifer Aniston, having been cryogenically frozen, will have been unfrozen just to make an appearance. Oprah will still ask Jen how she feels about Angelina Jolie and Jen will still think that what Angelina did was "very uncool." We may die, but this story will live on forever.
- We found out the hard way that putting garlic up your nono is a no no.
- Did we earn our yeast infections the same way Bikini Cory earned her nickname?
- Joan Didion: officially more depressing than the mere existence of Bikini Cory.
- Not depressing at all: this almost unbearably cute precocious French toddler. We just want to hear lil' Amelie say "crocodeeel" all day long.
- Maybe she should have a cute-off with Maru, the box loving kitty from Japan.
-
barack obama
This Week, Yes We Did
- Unless you are living in a closet, under a rock, fifteen feet below the earth's surface wearing noise-canceling ear muffs, you've heard that Barack Obama was elected President. We still cannot stop smiling.
- Or crying!! These videos of Maya Angelou, Sherri Shepherd, Oprah Winfrey and Gloria Steinem will probably make you tear up.
- Obama's victory is a win for women, and these women, including North Carolinian Governor Beverly Perdue, Ohio Congresswoman Marcia Fudge, and New Hampshire Senator Jean Shaheen won their races.
- But the truly important election is yet to come: the race for first puppy. We're single issue voters on a purely pro-Corgi platform.
-
rachel maddow
We Just Want The Next President To Come On Down Already
- Only a few more days until the election, and Barack Obama is doing us a solid by appearing with two of our favorites: Rachel Maddow and Jon Stewart.
- You know who is so not our favorite? Former Ms. editor turned turned Palin proponent Elaine Lafferty.
- John McCain is also on our shit list for his female-unfriendly health plan.
- However, we are totally in love with this Price Is Right-inspired Marie Claire fashion spread. Childhood nostalgia come on down!
- But truly, nothing says nostalgia like these pictures of our childhood Halloween costumes.
- Also making us nostalgic: thinking about raiding our moms' closets.
-
sarah palin
This Week We Crashed At The Intersection Of Fashion And Politics
- We spent way too much time talking about Sarah Palin's sexy secretary garb and how much it cost and/or did not cost. But what we really want to know is how Palin gets her hair so big. Maybe her bouffant is built out of campaign secrets and the souls of unborn babies.
- Maybe all Sarah needs is a good talking to from Tyra and Judge Judy. Then she'd learn to keep her receipts in order!
- She has about as much sense as these crazy cat people. (We kid, we love them.)
- But probably a lot more sense than Elisabeth Hasselbeck, whose t-shirt wearing antics have torn The View asunder.
- Breaking: Goop makes us gassy.
-
-
american girls
This Week We Paid Our Respects To An American (Doll) Icon
- R.I.P. American Girls original, Samantha Parkington. May you rest in peace with the other overpriced, historically accurate plastic toys in the sky.
- Another American icon on the decline: Hugh Hefner's bunnies and balls are musty.
- Speaking of old balls, John McCain mocked women's health in an apocryphal argument against late term abortion.
- I can't believe we have two more weeks of this. At least the debates are over.
- Well, at least one contest of note is over this week: a Project Runway winner was declared, and her name rhymes with pee pan.
- It might burn when you pee if Cosmo gives you a "pear-fection."
-
donna brazile
This Week Things Got Ugly Up In Here
- Less than a month until the election, folks, and it's getting really ugly.
- John McCain sounding like a total loon during the debates, calling Obama "That One": ugly.
- Illogical republican strategists yelling at Newsweek for putting a (gasp!) un-retouched photo of Sarah Palin on the cover: ugly!
- Nikki Blonsky kicking Bianca Golden's mom in the vagina at an airport: ugly!
- At least we have the unarguably awesome Sarah Vowell and Donna Brazile to guide us through the ugliness.
- Though they can't really fix the ugly in this mess of the economy... or this Free People catalog.
-
sarah palin
This Week We Were Drunk On Spinsters And Veeps
- Happy New Year, little Jewzebels. It's starting off pretty rocky, but we guided you through the rough shoals of the VP debates with a steady hand and a drunken heart.
- This Palin supporter sounded like she was drunk with her garbled endorsement of the moosetest with the mostest.
- Times are tough for this country, and for weepy Prodge Run contestants.
- You know who always has a stiff upper lip and a lot of fun? "Spinsters."
- Thankfully we can reminisce fondly about the days before we knew what a mortgage was. Check out the Jezebel school pictures and remember this: the older they are, the cuter they ain't.
- You know what else ain't cute? Elisabeth Hasselbeck when she gets all yelly.
-
john mccain
Aye, Mateys, This Week We Were Not Lettin' You Into Our Knickers! (Me Parrot Concurs.)
In honor of international talk like a pirate day, the remainder of this list will be conducted in pirate speak. Thank you for yourrrrrr support, landlubbers.- Aye, we told you how not t' get int' our pants. Aye, me parrot concurs.
- Ahoy, Project Runway contestant Joe's Dress: Becky Home Ecky!
- Aye, we started a culture war with Fox News' Ste'e Doocy. A pence for an old man o'de sea?
-
sarah palin
This Week We Discovered You Can't Spell Palin Without PAIN
- We've gotten a lot of emails this week whining about the excess of Palin coverage. But you know what Palin hates more than anything — whiners! If you whine, the terrorists win…Or something. Anyway, check out what Judge Judy thinks about Sarah Palin.
- Also check out what American Wife author Curtis Sittenfeld thinks about Sarah Palin!
- Don't forget about comparing her future potential reign to Margaret Atwood's Handmaid's Tale!
- With all of this nonsense, we almost forgot it was FASHION WEEK! Check out Dodai's Project Runway Bryant Park show live blog and the rest of our fashion week posts.
-
sarah palin
This Week We Were Rage-O-Holics And Our Drug Of Choice Was Palin
- Only eight more weeks, people! At least we have hilarious helpers like Sarah Haskins and Samantha Bee to shepherd us through these difficult times.
- I don't know if you'd heard, it's kind of under the radar, but Bristol Palin is pregnant. Some of us think it is a non-issue.
- Others of us want to use it to question Palin's policy on education, abortion, and health care.
- But you know, asking Palin questions about these things is just SEXIST, you pinko media elites!
- Our very own media elite, Megan, braved the RNC so we didn't have to. More »
-
shawn johnson
We Love Shelly-Ann & Shawn Like McAdams Loves Gosling
- More Olympian ovations! This week we crushed on Shelly-Ann Fraser's gleaming braces and Shawn Johnson's balance beam dominance.
- You sent in your retro sports photos, which won the adorable Olympics.
- We audibly squeeeeeee-d when we discovered that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams were back together. Squeee!
- We did not squee over P.U.M.A.s, Will Bower, or any other mouth-breathing, politically destructive a-holes.
- International Male from the early mid-80s. Fringe and short shorts and spandex oh my!
-
olympics
This Week We Talked About Booties, Olympian And Otherwise
- We're not gonna lie, there was some gawking at Olympic bods 'round these parts.
- But there was also grinning at gymnasts, thrilling wins from Michael Phelps, controversies over the Chinese and Golden Girls all around.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt wants you to kiss her ass. But only if it's skinny!
- Speaking of ass masters, don't miss our interview with Margaret Cho.
- Moddles got lost in teh soopermarket, kan no longer shop hapully.
- We, however, can shop happily for Mad Men-inspired 60s duds.
-
the week that was
This Week We Were Not Afraid To Go There Or Say Goodbye
- We said our final au revoir to Moe [sniff]
- The McCain campaign said it's final goodbye to tasteful commercials with its eminently mockable Paris-Britney one, its new Moses one and it's kicky Spanish language one.
- Watching Gavin walk a mile in Tracie's shoes made for far, far better viewing.
- We tried it out ourselves, metaphorically speaking, in posts talking about sterilization, teen pregnancy and sex workers.
- Walmart talked to its workers about voting Democratic. It's bad, they think. [HuffPo]
- It might have been cool to be a pretty girl when we were younger, not that it keeps you from getting hurt or getting Photoshopped into something supposedly prettier, but some people think it might help you get a man.
-
estelle getty
This Week We Were Not Afraid To Be Servicey
- Slut Machine finally revealed her makeup secrets by painting the tender, bearded visage of Gavin McInnes.
- Sadie debunked the art of the Facebook photo, and proved that every last one of us is a loser.
- Technicolor Kiddie Swimsuit EXTRAVAGANZA!
- Moe is a Jezebel no moe. But don't worry, she'll be sticking around these parts in spirit and in Crap.
- In our dream world, all insane divorce cases would be tried in the court of Judge Judy.
- LOLHillz!
- LOLVogue! Week of 10,000 LOLZ!
-
elisabeth hasselbeck
This Week We Waged War On Terrible TV Hostesses
- The long-awaited "all black" issue of Italian Vogue hit newsstands, and we gave you a guided tour.
- Judy Blume taught us that having your dessert isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're a disgruntled 60s housefrau.
- We became your personal style guru.
- Three words: dolphin assisted birth.
- See little Emily walk. See little Emily run the fuck away from George Bush.
- We wanted to run screaming from Today Show bungler Ann Curry.
- Speaking of loathsome tv personalities, it was a big week for Elisabeth Hasselbeck! She told us she has never used a vibrator and cried during a discussion of the N-word.
-
gwen stefani
This Week We Defended Fashion And Dismissed Deluded Ladymags
- Sadie defended fashion from hateful Wintourish anti-heroes.
- We told Seventeen's constructive criticism and eyeshadow advice to suck it.
- Women's magazines "saved" Cathy Alter's life.
- But not ours.
- Dodai revealed her secret passion for juniors fashion..
-
boob jobs
This Week We Wrote Love Letters And Read Smutty Novels
- We learned that dressing for success means always wearing a muumuu.
- We debuted a new feature called Shelf Pleasuring wherein we read 70s books full of sexytimes.
- You guys, friends don't make friends get boob jobs.
- They also don't let you board planes with a ton of weed in your suitcase
-
the week that was
This Week We Went To Prom And Got Incarcerated
- You sent us your prom pictures! There were many a mullet. We bet that one of you slept with your mulleted prom dates in the back of a Trans Am.
- Judge Judy will always be our superhero.
- We met a profesh douche named Dmitri.
- Anne Hathaway's No goodnick (now ex) boyfriend Raffaello Follieri turned out to be a total con artist. Instead of yachting on the Riviera, he's going to be yelping at Rikers.
- We fell in love with Mary Kate Olsen just a little.
- It's Friday. Shake your insured booty all weekend long.
-
the week that was
This Week There Were A Lot Of Pregnant Teens Up In Here
- This week we discussed matters of national importance. Like threesomes.
- Michelle Obama and the role of a first lady actually are matters of national importance. But omg her dresses are purdy!
- Michelle doesn't wear short shorts. Chuck Bass wears short shorts!
- A bunch of idiot teenagers in Gloucester, Mass made a "pregnancy pact", and now a whole mess of 'em are up the stick. Sigh.
- A teen who is no longer pregnant: Jamie Lynn Spears. She gave birth to wee Maddie Briann yesterday.
- A Polish teen got caught in the middle of the abortion battle.
-
the week that was
We Are Berry Berry Glad That This Week Is Over
- We were shocked and appalled to discover that Strawberry Shortcake had been given a berry slutty makeover by her corporate overlords.
- As much as we love the Shortcake, she'd make a really dumb, potentially deal-breaking tattoo.
- This week was mad girly, yo: Omg Unicorns!
- Also, Panda Sex!
- Almost as embarrassing as catching two pandas in flagrante is witnessing two dudes in the throes of a passionate mancrush.
-
the week that was
After This Week, We Never Want To Hear The Words "Manolo" or "Cosmo" Ever Again
- Unless you're living in a closet on Mars, you know that the Sex and the City movie premiered today.
- Slut Machine live blogged it wearing flip flops and eating some skittles. Suck on that, Louboutin wearers.
- The only part of the Sex and the City franchise that we're not sick of is Pat Field and her fabulous, gay, Payless lifestyle.
- Tyra Banks revealed her plans for world domination in the New York Times.
- TyTy sort of looked like a Bratz doll on that Times Mag cover; Bratz are also involved in world domination schemes
-
the week that was
This Week Models Got Some Meat On Their Bones
- Whitney was the first "plus sized" contestant to win America's Next Top Model!
-
the week that was
This Week We Loved Our Moms, Our Undies, Ourselves
- We agreed we would lie to our kids about our debauched pasts. There will be fewer than eighteen of them, trust.
-
the week that was
This Week, People Scared Us And We Scared People
• We met an Austrian man who locked his daughter and their children in his cellar for 24 years. Sometimes the eyebrows can reveal the psychopath inside! • Sometimes we eat our trash, it is sort of like recycling! • We told old people to get off Facebook or at least un-tag us from unflattering boozy pictures! • Miley posed in a sort-of sexual picture in Vanity Fair, Disney blamed the lesbian. • But where was the widespread outrage when Annie Leibovitz was casually racist, again and again and again? • Tyra introduced us to a dad who not only pimps out his daughter but also gives her at-home bikini waxes. • We met 5 types of extreme shoppers, all of them annoying! • We met some scrappy young sorority girls who brand pledges in the groin with forks. • We took a look back at our favorite Tyra episodes with almost as much glee as she has in talking about herself. • We told Elisabeth Hasselbeck to STFU already. • We found out we aren't in a recession! But the world is going to shit. • Oh yeah! And Mimi got married! And, uh Latina magazine broke the story? -
the week that was
This Week We Learned About Hookers, Muumuus And Moms.
- If this whole Jezebel thing doesn't work out, we now know how to become an internet "escort."
-
the week that was
This Week We Dealt With A Load Of Crap
- Slut Machine took one for the team and Intern Betty filmed her getting a colonic. Crappy hour indeed.
-
the week that was
This Week We Hung Out With A Lot Of Child Molesters
- We were so into the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints and their Yearning For Zion Ranch, where girls in their early teens get married off to gross molesty old men with multiple other wives, none of whom are allowed to wear red because that's Jesus' color.
-
the week that was
This Week We Made Horses' Asses Out Of Ourselves (And Others)
- We were "purchased" by Conde Nast...not. But you guys got your panties in some serious bunches about it.
-
the week that was
This Week We Talked Prostitutes, Poops, And Panties
- We discovered that ( now-former ) New York Governor Eliot Spitzer goes to whores.
-
the week that was
This Week Made Us Unbeweavably Tard
- Racist Barbie-fondler Allison was kicked off America's Next Top Model. We were not sad to see her go.
-
the week that was
This Week We Binged On Ex-Lax And Tyra
- We live video-blogged the premiere of America's Next Top Model, menstrual cycle 10! We got really meta and Tracie's dog peed everywhere with glee.
-
the week that was
This Week We Choo-Choo-Chose Polyamory, The Cosby Kids, Mariah Carey And Cunts
- Love was in the air this week, especially for these gorillas who were doing it missionary. From now on, missionary sex will be referred to as "gorilla style."
-
the week that was
This Week We Smiled With Our Eyes And Tripped Down The Runway
- It's fashion week y'all! Jennifer dutifully live blogged the Project Runway fashion shows at Bryant Park, and then spoiler-scared readers freaked the fuck out.
-
the week that was
This Week We Celebrated Anniversaries And Mourned Deaths
- Tuesday marked the 35th Anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. We told our stories and asked for yours.





























