Jezebel: the vagina dialogues

Jezebel Crashes The Tyra Show's Vaginas Episode

Tracie — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 13:50:00 EST

The greatly anticipated "What's Up Down There" episode of Tyra aired yesterday. Well, it was greatly anticipated by us because three members of the Jezebel staff were in the studio audience. And you can totally see us, too! Sometimes we look bored, sometimes we're giving stank face, and at one point we're openly mocking the discussion, which at times seemed like a lecture on the birds and the bees given to five-year-old children. Like seriously, Tyra was like, "A lot of people don't know that you pee out of a different hole than your vagina." I'm thinking by "a lot of people" she means Miss J. and Mr. Jay. You know they're all, "Ew, Vaginas!" Anyway, a clip is above and after the jump, a recap of the episode, with screen shots of faces!

One of the things that "touched" Tyra was hearing that a 28-year-old registered nurse had never gotten a gynecological exam. So TyTy went with her to help ease her nerves. And she brought a camera and crew with her...into the effing exam room! Could you imagine what it must've been like to have this woman with you when you had no pants on?

So the thing that really pissed me off was that we had to fill out these diagrams of a vagina while waiting to enter the studio. Then, once we were seated for the taping, the PAs collected them from us in large shopping bags and carted them away. Approximately 4 minutes later, Tyra started a segment in which she says that the studio audience was tested and the results were tallied and that only 11% of us knew what all the parts of the vagina are.

There's just no way that happened. Why did they bother having us fill that shit out anyway? It's fine that they wanted to make it look organic in a way, but then I was sort of offended when Tyra was like berating the audience about it, like we're the idiots.

I was really psyched that Moe, Jennifer and I actually made it on camera a bunch of times. But Moe was the only one blessed enough to actually be in the same frame as Tyra. That's Moe, top-right.

Seriously, if that were me I'd make it my Christmas card. I guess the only thing left to do is live vicariously:

Well, unless you count this shot:

That's a framer:

OMG! The Tyra Vajayjay Episode Airs Monday!

Tracie — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:30:00 EDT

So remember how some of the Jezebel staff attended a Tyra taping about a month ago? It's finally airing on Monday. Called "What's Up Down There," the entire show is a progressive discussion about vaginas — or rather, that's what TyTy told us it would be. But you know how she do — it was more like "Vaginas for Beginners." For instance, she had on some sort of vagina expert who explained all the different lady parts by using a stuffed toy vagina that was very furry, if you catch our drift. Then in a taped segment that was shown to us, Tyra accompanied a 28-year-old woman — afraid of doctors and her own vadge — on her first visit to the gynecologist. Tyra talked to her while she had her feet up in the stirrups, as a way to make the situation less scary and intimidating — all while the camera crew was in there. Anyway, the weird thing is that in this promo spot for Monday's show, she's wearing two different outfits, and neither of them are what she had on during our taping. She better not have retaped this shit!

Oh, and one of the best things about this promo spot is that she's like really touting that "Four Prong Attack of the Cramp." She totally just said that off the cuff toward the end of the show, and when she was finished talking about it, she forgot how many steps were involved. And trust us, none of it is stuff you didn't already know.

Do You Shoot The Shit During A Pelvic Exam?

Tracie — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 20:00:00 EDT

Do you find yourself engaged in mindless small talk during a gynecological exam? Like about the weather, or the office decor, or really anything, so long as it takes your mind off the fact that there's someone poking around in your privates? Well, you're not alone. Don Gabor, author of Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations tells MSNBC:

There are two typical responses to stressful situations. We either shut down and become completely mute or we prattle on and on. And when odd topics come up, it's because we're grasping at straws.

I suppose that would qualify as the former when I'm in stirrups. Oddly, I find that I often have verbal diarrhea, feeling pressure to fill any silence with the sound of my own voice, but when my legs are wide open, my mouth stays shut. But the same doesn't go for my (former) gyno. Bitch was always asking me about shit I didn't want to talk about, like what exactly I do at my job or if I take my winter coat to be dry-cleaned; you know, the kind of chit-chatty topics that are slightly naggy when coming from my mom or someone inserting forceps in me. Like, just shut up and do your job!

But according to Dr. Kim Alumbaugh, small talk distraction is a common icebreaker technique when doing intimate procedures.

Once the exam starts and they're in the stirrups, I always ask them to slide down another 20 feet. And then we'll talk about shoes or vacations or their kids or exercise or whatever. It's almost like a little cocktail party. You try to keep the conversation flowing.

I'm all for a cocktail party between my legs, but my gyno is not invited. What do you guys think?

How 'Bout Those Mets? Stirrups Spur Small Talk[MSNBC]